Mufti Menk – I will change after marriage – Tips on finding a spouse

			Assalamu alaikum my brothers and sisters, when you're choosing a spouse, make sure that you choose
someone who is similar to you or who is within what you already, like. Many times a mistake people
make is they choose someone whom they believe they would like to change drastically. And they say,
Don't worry, this person will change after marriage. Did you know nine times out of 10 they don't
change after marriage, they don't change to that degree. A small degree Yes. But people don't make
drastic changes. And if they do, it is short lived. So it's best to marry someone who is already
within what you would like within what you prefer, within what you would get along with one who has
		

			great character and conduct and has a level of consciousness of the Almighty that is satisfactory.
Similarly, one who would be a parent to your future children, if Allah blesses you with those
children, one who would respect your family and in turn, obviously, you would respect their family,
as it is, may Allah Almighty grant us goodness. So I thought I'd highlight this to say,
		

			when choosing a spouse, people sometimes choose someone who is outrageously different than say, no,
no, they have a good heart. They want to change. They regret their past, they we all regret
everything we've done in the past that was negative, yes. But if the person was serious, they would
change before you married them. It would not be connected to your marriage. That's just a point of
interest. You do have an exception or two to the rule, but it's very, very rare. We find many people
make mistakes. And later on, they come back to us and say, You know what, this was a big mistake.
This person did not change. So I thought, well, let's just warn you about it. May Allah protect all
		

			of us and grant us goodness As Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.