Mufti Menk – I WANT TO SEE MY CHILDREN!!

			Salam Alaikum, divorce is very difficult, especially when you have had children together. And then
your ex spouse would obviously require access to those children if you're the one who has the
custody. Now, Allah Almighty knows that this was going to happen, he blessed you with children,
Subhana Allah, and he is watching to see are you going to fulfill the rights that you have on your
shoulder after divorce, if you don't, you failed, you may not be able to show face on the Day of
Judgment. But if you have actually fulfilled those rights in the best possible way, and on both
sides, if we have been very respectful, very reasonable, very understanding, sticking to our times,
		

			and our timetables, and so on, making life easy for one another, and not trampling over the toes of
the other, we will inshallah succeed. It's unfortunate that sometimes people who are practicing,
they would fulfill five Salah, they would fast twice a week, perhaps twice a month, they would read
one Koran every few days, and they would be so outwardly pious, sometimes some of them deny access
to their exes of their children. And this is something dangerous. Yes, I do know that sometimes some
of the exes make life so difficult, that it becomes extremely hard to allow them anything, simply
because of how vulgar they are. And because of what has happened, sometimes it is necessary to deny
		

			them if they happen to be known abusers if they have abused those children, if they have terrible
habits, they are criminals, or perhaps they are heavily abusive of, you know, drugs and alcohol and
so on. And it is it is in order to protect the children from that particular spouse. Yeah, in that
case, Subhana Allah, it would be permissible to deny them the right to have access to those
children, until those children are of age where they can make their mind up, you know, but my
brothers and sisters, under normal circumstances, remember, every small thing that happened, you
don't just deny your ex access to those children. And when the day comes, you don't just deny your
		

			ex custody to those children, Allah is watching. And Allah subhanho wa Taala either fails you or
passes you based on how you have fared in that particular examination. So if you think that there is
not going to be any more test after a divorce, in actual fact, there is there are so many, and they
take a different shape. If you have to, for example, provide for your children, as the father of
those children, you need to provide for them. And you need to make sure that it is adequate
according to your income, and according to the needs of the children. Now, sometimes people deny
this, and they don't want to spend on their children, and they expect the other spouse to do
		

			everything. They expect the mother for example, to do everything. That's not fair.
		

			My brothers and sisters, learn what Islam says, learn what you are taught, learn what is reasonable.
And to be honest, may Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for us. Like I said, many people who are
practicing are failing the test simply because they deny access without reason. And then you have
the others who have been given the access. They know they have their timings, but they don't stick
to anything they think they can do as they please when they please. I've known of people who
directly communicate with their exes, and swear them, disrespect them. Why do you give the
opportunity to your ex to even communicate with you? Why can they not go through a family member of
		

			yours? If they are not prepared to speak to you respectfully, they should not be communicating with
you. They should not be and this is the reason why many people have problems because sometimes when
we didn't get along while we were married, or maybe he was oppressing her a lot or vice versa, after
you're divorced, why do you allow the same sort of communication? I mean, he's going to go to town
swearing you abusing you cursing you and he's going to enjoy it thoroughly. And you were foolish
enough to allow that to happen. Why allow your ears to hear all your eyes to see messages that are
derogatory and insulting, demeaning of you may Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. So this is a very
		

			interesting factor. That's why Islam teaches you to let someone who is strong in the home deal with
that person. And that's it. And if they if they're not prepared to deal with that person well, or
Subhanallah it depends what arrangement was made or where you live or which country you come from.
They can be an arrangement
		

			that perhaps would be suitable to everyone. But at the same time, let's not be stubborn in our ways.
Let's not insult let's not curse, you know, let's not use abusive words. These are our children,
we've had them together Subhanallah in the same way that you would like to be a part of their
upbringing, So would I Mashallah tabarrok Allah. So if that is the case, we should be respecting
each other. And we must understand Allah is going to question us, we need to have goodness on either
side. Another very interesting factor.
		

			When we have access to those children, never ever
		

			feed them negativity about your ex, if that's their mother, or that's their father, don't tell them
bad things about their the parent, leave that cut that let them make their own minds up, if
anything, guide them to tell them that is your father, that is your mother no matter what. And so
Hannah law, if we've had a problem, it doesn't mean you need to get involved in that problem. That's
a mistake. Others make they get their children involved in their mess. Those are children, let them
be children Subhana Allah as they're growing, let them grow in a beautiful way rather than involve
them in our mess. So it requires cooperation on both sides. And it requires the consciousness of
		

			Allah subhanho wa Taala. My brothers and sisters, this was necessitated by a few queries that I've
received as of late. And trust me, there are a lot in fact, people are just not fulfilling the
rights thinking they're going to get away with it. But unfortunately, they won't get away with it.
May Allah bless every one of us and grant us the ability to have a heart that fulfills what Allah
wants you to fulfill when it comes to access and custody of the children. And we should never, ever
deny the x access or custody and at the same time, we should never abuse the fact that we have
access or custody, stick to the timing stick to the respectful ways. Make sure that you have
		

			contributed towards your children before you know it. They will be old enough, they will understand
everything themselves and you don't want that to backfire on you or anyone else more than them
understanding. It's also Allah subhanho wa Taala those children belong to him. He's going to
question us about them. May Allah bless all of us. Apolo Kohli, hava sallallahu wasallam Allah
Nabina Muhammad