Mufti Menk – How to deal with Gossip, Backbiting & Slander

			Okay, the question about gossip and how to deal with it and so on and is the example at the time of
Muhammad Salah Salem, one thing comes to my mind, they might they may be more examples, but the one
that comes to my mind is a slander more of a slander than then gossiping, but it was part and parcel
of, you know, people missing their mouths by spreading this tale it was slander and gossip at the
same time. But the difference I'd like to think is when it comes to Islam, that it's definitely
something wrong. totally unacceptable in the sense that it's, it's false. It's like an accusation
that's now being spread. It's a slander. And this is why they say backbiting is to speak the truth
		

			about someone in a way that if they were there, they would have felt bad. That is called backbiting.
backbiting is not to say it's not connected to lies. It's connected to the truth. It's like
sometimes you say, but just to your backbiting they say but I'm telling the truth. Well, that
exactly is backbiting. That's what backbiting is.
		

			So Han Allah. So what is what is the divine lying? It's called slander bohdan. I'm lying. So I have
a loved one who's the wife of Mohammed Salah Salam was accused of adultery of having an affair with
soften the blow up Tara Viola. And she was accused by who the hypocrites, the man known as Abdullah
have no obey, even though saloon and the prophets of Salaam, initially, he kept quiet because
obviously for him to clear the wife's name, people would say, Oh, that's just because it's his wife.
And he let it he let it
		

			you know, he let time pass by the instruction of Allah. In his case, it was because the categories
of people.
		

			And the lesson to come later on had to be made clear that when slammed comes, people fall into
certain categories. The first category those who don't want to hear, they don't want to talk about
it, they throw it straight out of the window. That's the first category of people. They're not
bothered. It doesn't bother you throw it out. second category of people, those whom
		

			they heard it
		

			in the close circle, like a blue button, sorry, of the alarm. And his wife told him Did you hear
what happened to regarding Asia? So he says, Would you ever do that? She says never. Well, if you
wouldn't do it, she definitely didn't do it. So keep quiet, don't talk about it. It's good. It's
actually a lie. So they throw it away. After comparing themselves to it. That's the second category
of you. And the third were those who spread it. Those who spread the tape and the fourth category,
the one who created the tape. So Allah says at the end of that every category will achieve a portion
of their punishment. May Allah forgive us. The prophet SAW Selim later on, cleared it, he clarified
		

			it. He read the verses, he went to the people, he told them, he spoke to them. He said whatever he
wants to do, in fact, he went to Abdullah heaven obey, who was such a dirty man, he was the head of
the hypocrites. And the reason why we can say that is because Allah informed Mohammed Salam through
revelation, and it was well known among the companions, and he died in that condition of the lion
obey ebru saloon, he was known as rasuna fit in the head of the hypocrites, all the companions knew
this is a troublemaker. I'll give you an example. He one day the professor Sam went to him to
clarify something. So he was so arrogant, he says,
		

			overweight, overweight, the smell of your donkey has harmed me.
		

			You know, the processor was riding a donkey. He says, The smell of this donkey is harmed me. So the
companions Do you think they would remain silent, you know, you've got powerful people down there,
they're not gonna be quiet. So one of the companions is, your smell is worse than the sweet scent of
this donkey.
		

			And then a battle ensued, which means some of the people who supported him wanted to attack this
guy. And some of these people wanted to attack, but the moral of it is, this man was so you know,
dirty in the way he spoke, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam calmed everyone down, he sorted the matter.
He said, Look, let's get back to the purpose that we are here for. And let's try and sort it out.
Let's not be distracted by this. Sometimes we get distracted. So this whole, this whole story that I
mentioned, it goes to show that the prophets of Salaam did clarify himself certain matters. And it
is definitely a duty of our friends, to clear our name on our behalf in our absence. And that is a
		

			great act of worship. I'll give you an example. If someone says something bad about you, and a
friend of yours happens to hear it for them to just nod their heads say something, you know, which
hasn't clarified anything. Sometimes it makes it worse. That's not a good friend. They are supposed
to by right say Listen, this is wrong. It's false. It's unacceptable. It's not true. Don't say don't
utterly, like sometimes we are taught as Muslims and Allah says in the Quran, when you hear people
engage in that which displeases Allah get up and walk away.
		

			I've had brothers and sisters tell me that it's so difficult to get up and walk away. You know,
everyone's having a chat when you get together on a Saturday.
		

			Afternoon for tea. What are you talking about? All the other sisters who are not at the tea?
		

			Right? in such a way that the day you're not at the tea, you can imagine what they're talking about,
can't you? So the difficulty is for you, in order to stop that you need to get up and tell the
sisters Listen, it's an instruction of my makeup. I love you guys all of you. But the speech that's
there right now I can't take it because it's against what Allah says. You hurting someone you're
talking bad about them about them behind their back. I'm sorry, I've got to go. And you go you do it
once or twice your gatherings will be free of speaking about others. My mother in my own home and
I'm giving you this example. My father tells my mother when you go and visit your friends do not sit
		

			for longer than 15 minutes.
		

			So my mother says and why?
		

			She says because the 16th minute he says the 16th minute you start talking about Maria and Fatima
and Sophia and everybody else but for 15 minutes How are you Everything okay, what's happening?
How's things going? How's the children Oh, Mashallah. Your child's at school? Oh hamdulillah how you
coping? How was the cooking? What did you make today? Do you have a little bit of it left? Let's
taste it and so on. Mashallah, that's good. Everything happens, the 16 Minute. You've got nothing
more to say. So what do you do you say, you know, that says today, watch out. Be careful. She's
dangerous. She's poisonous. You know, she did this this. That's backbiting forget about it, cut it.
		

			However, there is one exception.
		

			The Quran says, law, your hibbeler will Jehovah be so emotional?
		

			vollem. Allah does not like a person to make manifest evil about someone unless they themselves have
been oppressed and the seeking justice.
		

			I've had people who have been abused, and they are reaching out for guidance and they say, I can't
tell you what's happened because it's backbiting
		

			you've been abused. You're sometimes you've been oppressed, your wealth has been usurped. You need
to report you need to seek help. You need to tell people, this is what happened. So that is not
considered backbiting. When it happened to you directly. Someone oppressed me, I can warn the
brothers to say Listen, my experience with this guy was X, Y and Z. I have two intentions. One is to
seek justice. And the other is to warn the brothers and sisters to say listen, be warned, I've
already been bitten. Don't be bitten again.
		

			So that is the exception. You are allowed to do that. It's not considered backbiting. But the
intention needs to be one of the two either I'm seeking justice or I am respectfully warning others.
They shouldn't be bitten from the same hole. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness and
understanding. Definitely this Islam is actually quite complete, it is fully complete. We sometimes
don't know much so we keep on learning. Don't think for a moment that Allah subhanho wa Taala has
not instructed us to clarify our name, you know to to or to clarify the names of our friends. It's
wrong for us to sit back and relax. When we know that a friend of ours is being spoken about in a
		

			dirty in a bad way. We sitting there we haven't said anything. It's your duty, get up and say
something. Hello Adam. I hope that helps.