Mufti Menk – Get Married

			Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi wa Tada who was Allah Allahu wa salam ala Baraka Allah
Mallanna BIA by the WHO ARE Allah Allah, he was so happy here, Jermaine, my brothers, my sisters,
today, as much as it is a Friday it is the time of Salah to Juma in sha Allah, I will be officiating
a Nikka in a few moments. And I think it's only correct for us to mention a few points in order for
it to serve as a means of reminder for all of us. That part of what Allah Almighty expects of us is
to make an effort to get married.
		

			And in order to do that, you need to build yourself. You're Mushara Shabaab, Imani, Stata, I mean
Commonwealth affiliate as a watch for in the fall. Do you have a Boolean bursary woman let me start
a family he does. So did you hear how short that hadith is? Do you want to know how deep it is in
meaning? The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him clearly says,
		

			Oh youth, oh youngsters, whoever from amongst you has the ability and capacity to get married, you
should do so.
		

			You should do some
		

			ability and capacity referring Firstly,
		

			to you being prepared for marriage.
		

			Secondly, making sure that part of that preparation is
		

			you have the physical strength.
		

			You are healthy. You've taken care of yourself. You've built your connection with Allah you have
consciousness of Allah. Those who don't have consciousness of Allah, they won't survive in a
marriage. That's why in the hotbar of marriage, four times it says it duckula Or Itakura Bacow four
times.
		

			Oh you who believe fear Allah be conscious of Allah develop the correct relationship with Allah you
and us are people it took to run back home, be consciousness of Europe, be conscious of Europe. So
all this is part of the preparation to get married. you've developed your relationship with Allah
you have a consciousness of Allah, you fulfill your Salah you ensure that you are a decent Muslim,
then you are qualified now to start looking to get married. Many people think well this guy's got a
good job this guy's okay you know he's mashallah or she is good looking and so on. Masha Allah,
Masha Allah, the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam gave us guidance in that regard, he says
		

			people marry for several reasons.
		

			Some marry because of looks, some marry because of wealth, some marry because of lineage. People
marry for different reasons. Some marry because of the deen because of the religiousness of the
person. He says for the form of B that he d in Italy but yeah duck, be victorious achieved success
by marrying someone who has a deep connection with Allah.
		

			Be successful by marrying someone who is
		

			deeply connected to Allah. Their deen is in order. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't look at the
person you're getting married to you ask someone how's the faith is you know they make five salah
they make 10 Salah because the five is different and they add on that soon and nephila and
everything else. Hang on, hang on. Still, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam has asked us to meet your
potential spouse, meet your potential spouse, don't be so pious and holy that you say no problem.
It's okay. I won't see them. The Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam once
		

			was told by one of his companions that he's getting married
		

			to anon sorry, I'm sorry, meaning a woman from Medina.
		

			He said, Have you seen her?
		

			The companion says No, I haven't. I just heard about her. You know what he said?
		

			Go and see her go and meet her SubhanAllah.
		

			At the time, he used the terminology for interfere you kneel and sorry che he says, you know, in the
eyes of the unsolved there is something. What he meant is go and see. Make sure you know who you're
getting married to. You need to look at them, talk to them. You need to at least be slightly
attracted to whom you're getting married to everyone has a different taste and to do
		

			different choice and so on. So it's not wrong. In fact, it is a sunnah
		

			That having been said the primary the primary
		

			issue should be that of the Dean I've given this example in the past and I'm going to say it again
because it's very interesting you see you have a point system.
		

			When you want to get married, you have a point system. So you tick it off and you give them a mark
		

			at each point
		

			if they have Dean they get one.
		

			Okay, they get how much? One?
		

			If they have good looks at a zero to that, how much does it become?
		

			If they are if they come from a very good family, add another zero to it. What do you get now? 100
		

			if they have for example, they come from a wealthy family add another zero to that, how much did you
get? 1000. So if you have
		

			the other three where we added zeros, mashallah, it's a bonus. But if you don't have the dean, you
drop the one what's left? Zero, there's nothing there. So each thing would build on the deal. That's
what it is. So the hadith is trying to tell you primarily it's the deen that you should look at the
consciousness of Allah do you pray five times a day? Well, Allah He last night, I was in a place
called Harrogate. Someone asked me I'm getting married. The guy doesn't pray but he told me he will
start I said let him start first two years later you can we address the matter and see do you pray?
If you do, then inshallah we can talk about this now. Because when people say I will change, they do
		

			not change. 99% They don't. If you think I will marry this person and change them. You are living in
another world altogether. People don't change they become worse sometimes. Because they get into a
comfort zone. They promise you the world. Both ways it happens. May Allah Almighty help us become
good people. That's why the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him says yeah, mashallah Shabaab, money
stopper, I mean, Kamal bas at affiliate as a watch, or youth, whoever from among you is able and
capable and has the capacity, get married. Make an effort, I said that capacity is not only
financial and physical, financial is important. Physical is important. You must maintain good health
		

			from a young age, teenagers out there, don't waste yourselves by eating junk all the time. No,
discipline yourselves, build your bodies, have good habits, quit the smoking and whatever else it
may be. You need to build yourself for your future for the sake of Allah and then fulfill the
obligation Allah has placed on your shoulders of marriage. It's part of the system of Allah. If
marriage was not part of the plan of Allah, this Masjid would have been empty, I wouldn't have been
here. It's part of Allah's plan. He wants us to reproduce and recreate. That's how it is. So
building yourself includes development of your consciousness of Allah and your connection with
		

			Allah, what else does it include?
		

			Building your capacity includes working on your habits and your character, your values, your morals,
how do you speak? If you want to know whether you're ready to get married, ask yourself how much do
I swear, if you sweat a lot, you're not prepared, you're not ready to get married, you might think
you are. You might have the physical capacity, you might have the financial ability, you don't make
a good spouse, be it a wife or a husband, because you sweat too much. You have an anger,
		

			anger, temper, you get angry for little things. Hang on, you're going to oppress your spouse both
ways. It's not just the wife or the husband. It's both ways. Sometimes you have people who say, I'm
excited, I'm getting married, and then later on, they find that the girl has a temper. You wouldn't
believe it sometimes.
		

			I remember back in the day when I first started about 20 Something odd years ago, counseling people
and helping them and guiding them. I was still quite young myself.
		

			And there was an issue where men used to beat up their wives at some point and they would try and
justify it by throwing in a verse of the Quran and that was taken totally out of context.
		

			But as time progressed, it started changing we have now a problem of wives beating their husbands
mashallah, by Allah grant us ease. And poor man is too embarrassed to admit him to come and say I've
got this problem because he's supposed to be a man so to speak. But that's not how it is. It works
either way we need to develop ourselves, to prepare to get married to qualify to qualify to be a
spouse
		

			Work on your habits. If you're struggling with a bad habit Hold on Don't Don't trouble someone
else's child by getting married to them. You're not yet ready, hang on. It's okay. They asked me
what age should we marry before we used to say as soon as possible? Soon as you ready, let's go but
what's ready explained to them what is ready? Because nowadays the answer is 1415. He says, I want
to get married to protect myself from Xena
		

			you're using a good line but my brother you only 14 What do you know?
		

			What do you know? 14 1516 will tell you you know I'm at high school. I'm in love with someone I need
to protect myself from Xena so I have to get married now my brother What do you have? What is it you
are not able not capable. So the prophets Allah Allah Allah Salam says, get married when you are
able and capable you have built the capacity you built your relation with Allah physically you are
fit, you have good health and at the same time financially, you can take care of a family or at
least your system around you can assist you to take care of a family it's not necessary for you to
have your own particular salary that is enough to take care of your own family you could and it's
		

			not wrong to rely on your folks and your parents. It's not wrong at all. Some people say well what
do you earn I work for my dad so what what's wrong? There's nothing wrong. Some of the most
successful people on Earth have worked for their fathers.
		

			Let's not become people who look at it in one way you could I know of a person who was declined and
denied marriage simply because he said I sit on my laptop all day and I earn
		

			a few years ago when someone told you that you would think to yourself this guy's unemployed but
he's earning more than you guys man one click of the button and he's made a million pounds. Isn't it
happening? Come on you guys are in Preston. You should know man. Must you do Salam on top of them?
Allah grant us ease.
		

			So it does not mean you need to have the old original way of earning you could have for as long as
it's halal Alhamdulillah but the prophets Allah Allah Allah Selim says,
		

			For in Honolulu, follow, do you have a Boolean bursary, why should you get married? There's so many
reasons, you know, he we Allah explains to us how it's important to have children. And you know, you
don't need to have children instantly. As soon as I get married. I must have kids. No, no, no, no.
You could have you could decide to have children in a year, two years. It's not wrong. When we were
little. We used to believe all of this was totally wrong, because that's the only way we were
taught. But as time progresses, you are taught you know what you are allowed to space it out, you
are allowed to actually decide, look, we'll have kids in two years, then if it comes in the process,
		

			thank Allah, thank Allah. There are so many Hadith it's not my topic, but so many Hadith that would
prove this, including what Omar ibn Khattab Radi Allahu Anhu said.
		

			So you are allowed to decide, you know what we'll have children two years from now, I normally tell
the young people who get married, try not to have children immediately. Because you know what, we
are counselors who witness children who are stuck in the midst of a relationship that perhaps didn't
work at all.
		

			So it's not wrong. It's all up to you when you are certain. I'm satisfied for this person to be the
mother of my children or the father of my children inshallah. But in the process, if something
happens, it's from Allah, you can't control every time everything, it's from Allah, you try your
best. And whatever comes you must thank Allah.
		

			The same way people say, We want boys, and then they only get girls and some say we want girls and
they only get boys, they hold it against the spouse. I've had boys, men and people from the boys
sides at times come to you and say, but I've only got girls until I found out scientifically, it's
in the men. It's not in the woman.
		

			The X and X is by the with the female, the X and Y is with the male. So if you're only getting one
gender, it's Allah. That's what it is. It's Allah's choice and decision and decree. You have to be
happy no matter what. And thank Allah. So the ahaadeeth make mention of why you should be getting
married and the other narrations have spoken about children and being good parents and the opening
of the doors of huge acts of worship. I give you a quick example.
		

			You are a parent.
		

			What is the status of parents very high? What's the status of a mother? Very, very high. Why? She's
been through a lot of struggle from the moment you were conceived. She probably had morning
sickness. She probably struggle. She probably couldn't sleep. A time came when she didn't even know
if she was going to survive. Yeah. And thereafter she took care of you. Allah chose her. So imagine
if there was no marriage and no children involved.
		

			If at all, where would you get your status of parenthood from?
		

			There's one status higher than that. Can I tell it to you?
		

			If Allah has chosen not to give you children, and you have accepted the decree of Allah, and you
bear supper on that your status will be higher than that of parents. Bagels. Did you hear that?
That's a very important statement today. Because from amongst us, there are quite a few who probably
don't have children, because
		

			Allah chose that they won't have and that's why it's rude to ask someone. Hey, you guys are married
for five years. When are you going to have children? Now? Come on, it's very rude. That question is
not for a Muslim. Leave them alone, none of your business.
		

			It could be the most depressing question. You don't know what you've done.
		

			You suddenly see someone with a tear rolling down the eye because of your silly question. Leave them
alone. Make dua for them. That's it.
		

			If Allah has not blessed you with children, when you surrender to the decree of Allah and you are
happy with what he's chosen for you, while you keep trying to achieve what you believe you want,
		

			Allah says for you is a higher status.
		

			So going back to this original Hadith,
		

			the Prophet sallallahu Sallam says, for inner who axon will infallibly get married, or youngsters,
if you can, you have the capacity you are able capable, get married, it's better for you. You're
chastity, your morality, for the protection of your private parts, which means it's a natural desire
within a human being to fulfill their basic needs. It's natural, it's normal. Allah says We give you
a way to do it.
		

			We give you a proper way of doing things. And Allah Almighty is great my beloved brothers and
sisters, he will facilitate for you ask Allah Oh Allah guide me, oh, Allah bless me, oh, Allah
helped me to make the correct decisions because
		

			the decision of the spouse that you've chosen, determines
		

			a lot of the rest of your life.
		

			The type of spouse you've chosen for yourself determines a lot of the rest of your life and how it
will go. It's based on the type of person it is. You're gonna have a beautiful person serving you
serving each other, helping, being kind being progressive in a good sense, you know, understanding
how to speak to each other, fulfilling each other's rights being the coolness of each other.
Alhamdulillah helping each other fulfill your duties Unto Allah. What more do you want? What more do
you want? You have someone every day screaming, shouting swearing, what less Do you want? The Howler
wala Quwata illa?
		

			That's why I say you get married what your tongue? One of the verses I'm going to read a little bit
later. Yeah, are you i Lavina duckula How cool oh.
		

			Setting are you who believe be conscious of Allah and say that which is upright studied. That means
don't utter abusive words. Don't say bad words, no swearing, no lying, no vulgar words, and so on.
Don't be hurtful in the way you speak. You may have differences, you will have differences, brothers
have differences. parents with children have differences. So spouses are definitely going to have a
few here and there. Navigate through them with great maturity, be very mature about the way you deal
with differences it will happen shaytan is real. Shaitan comes every day to us. Be careful how you
talk to people, the tongue, one of the most important factors of your marriage go out of your way to
		

			say loving words to your spouse, and Allah will open the doors if something goes wrong, you want to
yell you want to scream hold yourself back, you get to reward for the sub.
		

			So Allah has kept it in the way that it is protective.
		

			When you get married, it protects you from fulfilling your base desire in a haram way.
		

			A boolean bustle, it will help you
		

			to lower your gaze. It should Why brother, I have a wife what do I need to look at the rest of the
world for? It's okay. Lower your gaze. Allah bless you. Take a look at those who are trying to get
married and they really are struggling. It's happening.
		

			The other day we were speaking about marriage somewhere and I said something interesting. Someone
came and told me that was so true back in the day, back in the day, even the time when I got married
in the 90s and earlier because some of you obviously older than me. It was easier to get married,
but there were less choices. We knew less people. There was no social media. The parents came about
and said right I found someone who is a martial away. It said here, meet once or twice and next
thing you
		

			mashallah, you're in the masjid and you're married. You only knew how many people about 2030 in my
life families. Today we know a million but it's more difficult to get married. Do you agree?
Subhanallah it goes to show how the world has changed but it's becoming tricky. The youngsters are
smiling because they know you're so so right. On your social media. You've got so many people but
guess what, it's not easy man to get married. I know so many buddies. This is not wife material.
This is not husband material. This is uh, this is problematic. I heard this about this and that
about that. May Allah Almighty make it easy for us make a lot of
		

			you know what I believe is the solution for that. As funny as it may sound. The solution for that is
for you and I to correct ourselves. Don't wait until others correct them. So don't say a it's really
hard to find a spouse. Ask yourself, are you a good spouse? People will find you.
		

			Because many times you have youngsters and even young girls, they say I'm looking for a spouse, they
must be like this, like this, like this, like they draw a list that's prohibitive. Such that I tell
them I found the guy. Say but he's not looking for a girl like you. Allahu Akbar. Did you hear that?
		

			So when you want a nice long list of things, ask yourself Am I a person whom when we do find this
person? Would he really be interested in someone like me? It goes both ways. I just gave you one
example but both ways. So be a good person. Develop your character, your conduct, lower your gaze.
Then the Prophet sallallahu wasallam addresses the others remember I said the 14 year old and 16
year old high school and saying I need to get married urgently to protect myself from haram you know
what you're not able capable you don't have the capacity so the prophets Allah Allah Allah Selim
says woman lemmya stata for Allah He is so whoever is unable to fulfill all the duties and
		

			obligations of a spouse fast.
		

			Fast on a daily basis if you want to every other day or fast the Sunnah, Mondays and Thursdays and
so on.
		

			It will help you that's what the Prophet sallallahu wasallam says it will assist you It goes to show
that sometimes you want to do something but you can't I want to buy a Lamborghini I can't. It's
okay. I'll die without it. So what what's the big deal? No big deal. May Allah Almighty grant us
goodness and ease. This is a beautiful Hadith, lovely Hadith.
		

			Every time there was a Nikka the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi salam
		

			sees the opportunity to give the people a few words of goodness and guidance today because it's
Joomla as well. It's the last Joomla of the Gregorian calendar. And at the same time,
		

			we are gathered here in the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala I thought we'd make it an opportunity
where we can talk about it through the Joomla and in a few moments, I will be officiating Annika, as
I said, the best gift you can ever give those who come together
		

			in marriage is a good dua. You know what the DUA states the Sunnah Baraka Allah hula Kuma, well
Baraka aleikum wa jal MA in a coma free. May Allah bless the two of you.
		

			And may Allah bless everything that resulted in and will result as the two of you have come
together, everything that is resultant, may Allah bless it, whether it is new relations, because you
have new relatives, you have a whole chunk of family that now you need to fulfill the rights of
		

			it's not easy. You have to navigate through the politics of entire new family. It happens with all
families, every single family, you won't know then you get to know them slowly but surely. That's
not easy. So you make dua for Baraka in it, May Allah help us you make dua for Baraka, the children,
the relations, the sustenance to come. Did you know that sometimes it's a very important point and
I'm conscious of the time so don't worry.
		

			People say you can't get married because you're not earning enough. I tell you something.
		

			The Prophet salallahu Salam says In fact Allah says in the Quran
		

			we're careful I am I
		

			was solid Hain I mean EBA de como EMA
		

			income at
		

			all you need him who Leung
		

			Subhanallah
		

			Allah speaks about marriage and he says if they are poor as a result of that marriage, we will open
the doors of sustenance and provide for them. How many people didn't have much and when they got
married, the doors of sustenance opened like floodgates. Most of the older people don't realize when
they got married, they had nothing the same guys who make it a condition on their sons in law to
have a castle and a pet
		

			is equivalent to that of the kings and the Lords before they get married. Come on. But when you were
married Balbina below. You didn't even have slippers bro.
		

			Allahu Akbar. Is it not a fact? I'm talking about ourselves and our parents and our grandparents. As
long as there was a good guy coming to the masjid, they said, Behringer right or wrong.
		

			Today, things have changed. We've become so material, there is one quality, you need the quality of
responsibility.
		

			If the guy is irresponsible, even if he's wealthy, trust me is not a good deal. But if he's
responsible, he's not such a wealthy person. He's okay. He's making ends meet Alhamdulillah you know
what, that responsibility with the consciousness of Allah together, Allah will open the floodgates.
So that's why we say, May Allah open our doors, we make dua for Baraka, we make dua for Baraka in
every single way. And like I said, that's the best gift. And I seize the opportunity really to make
dua for the families that have come together.
		

			And I pray that it can be a means and an example for all of us as well. Those who are married, may
Allah bless you in your marriages and help you resolve issues and grant you good growth. Those who
are not married May Allah open your doors. And may Allah Almighty grant you spouses who will be the
coolness of your eyes. And may Allah Almighty make it easy for us and our children. May Allah make
us from among those whom when people associate with us, they really feel empowered, and they really
feel that you know what, I've met someone who has contributed positively in my life may Allah bless
you all, Apollo Kohli hada sallahu wa salam ala Nabina Muhammad