Mufti Menk – Comfort in Times of Crisis #21

			Yeah,
		

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			a salam o Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu
was Salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah, he was happy here Jemaine, my brothers and sisters, every
marriage goes through a little bit of turbulence. If you've had a disagreement or a little argument
which we should be avoiding, but human nature, that does happen, it doesn't mean it's the end of the
marriage. Sometimes some people for every small thing, they see we want divorce, or we want out of
this marriage, that is not the prophetic teaching. That is not the way Allah subhanho wa Taala
wanted it. We got married in the name of Allah Subhana Allah to Allah. So Allah wants us to try He
		

			wants us to sacrifice. Whenever we've had an issue, we should try our best to make things work.
Let's let the communication be of a very high standard, good communication is essential for a happy
marriage.
		

			The minute communication is lacking, understanding is lacking. There is no fairness, no sense of
justice, no one fulfills the rights of the other, we trample over the other person, then we have a
bigger disaster. But every time we have a problem, the first step is not to discuss divorce, it is
to discuss how to solve the problem fairly with justice. Each one should work on his or her own
habits or own weaknesses. Yes, when we highlight the weaknesses of the other, or when we say what we
believe is wrong, it should be taken in good faith. And we should be trying to understand each other
in a better way. And for this reason, that crisis that we face within our own homes, we can resolve
		

			it if we were to follow the divine teachings. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, we're going to slay him.
		

			In a law However, for Rahim, verse number 129, of Sora to Nyssa, we are losses. If you were to make
amends, resolve the matter and be conscious of Allah, Allah is most forgiving, you forgive you for
go. But that forgiveness when it comes from human beings, it may not be more than a certain number
of times. You cannot expect your spouse to forgive you today, tomorrow, the following day. And every
day, there will come a time when patience runs out. Because your spouse is only a human being. Be
fair work on your bad habits. Understand that we have to look after each other marriage, my brothers
and sisters is a very big sacrifice. There is no room for laziness in marriage. There is no room for
		

			selfishness in marriage, there is no room for putting undue pressure on your spouse in marriage. May
Allah subhanahu wa taala bless every one of us. That is Allah telling us if you were to resolve the
matter if you are to do good to each other, it is far better for you, Allah knows ALLAH is
forgiving, then unfortunately, sometimes we've tried everything. And people say we're staying
together for the sake of the children, that might be possible if the issues are not so bad. But if
there is shouting and screaming every single day, with swearing, each other very bad habit,
sometimes even physical violence, which is unacceptable. If that is happening, then it is not good
		

			to remain together for the sake of the children because instead, we would be harming the children
who would be growing up learning things that they're not supposed to be learning, learning that
which is not good. Watching, seeing, they would think that is how you treat a spouse. So sometimes,
sometimes, for the sake of the children, it is better to separate when you've tried every avenue
when you've exhausted every means and you know that there is no way out when it's affecting your
mind. And when you think that that's it, I cannot take any more. If you've tried separation, you've
tried a few other things. Subhan Allah, Allah allows you to divorce. Allah allows you to go your own
		

			ways. And I know that's a major crisis. Some people are divorced when they don't want to be
divorced. They feel that they could have made it work and it is quite depressing sometimes and a lot
of anxiety comes into play. My brothers and sisters you need to understand if you've been divorced
and you feel it was unfair or you feel you could have made it work, but your ex spouse is just not
interested. You need to know
		

			Something Allah says in the Quran, giving you a lot of comfort.
		

			What a tougher lotto you need
		

			it he waka Allah Who was he and Hakeem verse number 130 of Surah An Nisa. If the two separate in
divorce, the two have divorced, Allah will bless both of them with his virtue because he definitely
is the owner of great virtue, and he is very wise. Allah has broad virtue Subhana Allah. So
remember, divorce is not the end of your life, it could be the beginning of a much happier life. And
usually, if you have faith and you keep trying, it is the beginning of a much happier life. How many
times have we heard of people who've been divorced more than once, and then they marry for the third
or fourth time and they are so happy, they forget all the hardship that they went through the first
		

			time, the second time, etc. So my brothers and sisters, it is not the end of the world. So Allah
says, when you separate, be respectful, you don't need to engage in mudslinging speaking bad about
the other, you need to worry about yourself to the degree that you ask Allah for goodness, not just
for you, but even for your ex spouse, more so if that ex spouse is a parent to some of the children
that you have in common together. So you need to make sure the children grow up respecting the
person you disagreed with, for as long as that is possible. Yes, if they have very bad habits, for
example, if they are abusers, and if they have engaged in huge crimes, you may want to save and
		

			protect your children to a certain degree, but be very fair and just about it. And that's why Allah
subhanho wa Taala tells us in the same surah are you who believe, be fair stand upon justice, bear
witness for the sake of Allah, even if it is against yourselves, your parents or your relatives,
whether they are wealthy or poor, Allah comes before all of them. That is verse number 135 of surah,
Nisa be just be fair, even if it's against yourself, don't say things or do things or pass judgment
that is very unfair. May Allah subhanho wa Taala, grant us protection. So that type of a crisis
where we have discord where we have so much of turbulence in the home, let's learn to be fair, let's
		

			learn to give people a chance. Let's learn to try our best. And ultimately, if it does end in
divorce, it's not the end of the world, we should concentrate on building ourselves and we should
concentrate on trying again by the will of Allah and wishing well for our ex partners. May Allah
Subhana Allah to Allah grant us goodness. Now, there is a very, very important issue. People are
plunged into crisis when others backbite about them, slammed them have deceived them, have wronged
them, have oppressed them. They are plunged into crisis because at times, you get to hear dribs and
drabs of what is being said about you behind your back or there is not much you can do about someone
		

			who has stolen from you or deceived you or someone who has oppressed you harmed you. So you complain
to Allah that will bring about a lot of comfort. When you complain to Allah Almighty, remember, he
hears you, He will definitely come to your help. That is Allah subhanho wa Taala. And some people
say, Well, you know, I'm not going to talk bad about someone who's stolen from me, so I'm just going
to keep quiet about it. Allah says, when you are wronged, there is no harm in speaking about what
happened. You have to talk about it. You have to inform some people who are going to be able to do
things about it and that will not be considered backbiting. backbiting the Prophet sallallahu Sallam
		

			says Vic ruka Huckabee mokara to mention that of your brother, which he or she would not like if he
or she had to hear about it or were told about it. So in their absence, you're saying something they
wouldn't have liked. That's called backbiting. Although what you did say it was true may have been
true. If it was not true, it is slander, which is even worse. But when you have been wronged, there
is no harm in warning others or even informing them. You might have to go to authorities, perhaps
the police, and you might have to lodge a complaint. You cannot claim to be so pious that you arrive
at the police station and say someone did something to me, but I can't tell it to you because it
		

			will be considered backbiting. So Allah says, Not at all. You must complain, you must raise the
issue and you have every right to do something about it because you were directly involved. Let's
listen to the verse Surah Nisa, verse number 148. Allah says
		

			Now you hipbone Allahu la hora de su immunol. Totally in
		

			vollem. What can Allahu semi anonima Allah does not like that you openly declare some bad or evil in
your speech, something bad in your speech unless you have been wronged. If you are wronged, then you
have every right to say something which might be bad about someone else, which is true because you
were directly affected as a first party. May Allah subhanho wa Taala, protect all of us. Allah says,
Allah is broad in his knowledge. Allah knows absolutely everything, so Han Allah. So my brothers and
sisters, we need to make sure that when we know someone has wronged us to highlight it to others in
a very respectful way, because we were involved, actually is considered an act of worship. If
		

			someone were to come to you and say, you know, I'd like to do business with so and so.
		

			What do you think you either tell them what you know, or if you don't know You keep quiet. But if
you know something, and you know, they will, they are very deceiving, and you've done business with
them. And it's firsthand it happened with you. And when you remain silent, you're actually doing
something wrong. The same applies to marriage. If someone came to you and told you I want to get
married to so and so please give me some good advice. Can you give a reference to give a false
reference is actually a sin. So you need to give a true reference. If really, you don't want to say
anything. You can say, Look, I'm not going to say much. Please find out from someone else. You
		

			haven't really lied, but you've excused yourself. Still, it would be a great act of worship. If you
told the truth in a very respectful way. Look, I've dealt with this person. Unfortunately, they
stole some money of mine, according to me, and they were not very honest. They did this and they did
that. If you were to say it as a party who was involved in the matter, then it is not considered
backbiting My beloved brothers and sisters, by virtue of this particular verse number 148 of Surah
An Nisa May Allah protect every one of us and grant us goodness, may Allah grant every one of us
success. akula Kali hava or sallallahu wasallam Baraka ala nabina. Muhammad
		

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