Mufti Menk – Advice on Marriage Issues

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			smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu lillahi wa sallam salatu salam ala rasulillah why Allah Allah He was
happy here Gemini.
		

			We praise Allah subhanho wa Taala we send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam, his household, his companions, we ask Allah to bless every one of us, to grant us all
goodness to grant us ease, to grant us good health to grant us the ability to worship Him in the way
that he would like to be worshipped. To grant us the ability to follow the Sunnah of Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wasallam not just when it suits us, but in fact, in every aspect of our life, may
Allah strengthen us, each one of us is weak, we try our best to become better people, we need to
move forward as quickly as possible. Because as the clock is ticking, we are getting closer to our
		

			grave. And the opportunities to gain closeness to Allah shall come to an end. So we ask Allah
subhanho wa Taala to make us from among those who can continue doing good. I mean, my brothers, my
sisters, those who may be listening right now, and those who will listen to this later, you know
that marriage has been made very easy in Islam. There is a proposal from one side and acceptance
from the other in the presence of the representatives, as well as the witnesses and at the same time
mentioned is made of the gift that is given from the groom to the bride. That is known as Maha.
		

			Something very simple. The official creation of a niqab does not take more than two minutes.
		

			The reasoning behind this is divine.
		

			One of the reasons is that nobody should have an excuse to commit sin, because it has been made
easy. So remember one thing every time you or anyone else makes it difficult
		

			For your children or for anyone else to get married, you are sinful.
		

			The idea and the planning and the Divine Wisdom of Allah subhanho wa Taala dictates that you
facilitate a nikka you facilitate marriage your son wants to get married, make it easy. Your
daughter wants to get married, make it easy. If they're growing up, encourage them to get married,
the Prophet sallallahu Sallam encouraged very strong encouragement, Yamashita, Shabaab, Amani Stata,
amin komaba at affiliate has a watch over you. He says, Whoever is able and capable must get
married. That's what he said. You are able you are capable, you have nothing preventing you stopping
you, you must get married. So it became a sooner and not just an ordinary sooner, such as sooner
		

			that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam actually made mention of it, that he himself got
married, he has encouraged others to marry. So it is stressed, it is more accurate, it is something
that you should endeavor, it is an A Bada, and it is not going to be easy.
		

			It is not going to be easy. It's not a joke to get married. It's exciting initially, ask those
who've been married already for a while, how the excitement either increases or decreases. And
depending on what type of excitement there was, sometimes the type of excitement also changes with
the changing of time. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us happiness, contentment, the ability to
sacrifice, there comes a time in life when you realize that you know what I need to slow down.
		

			I need to concentrate on what Allah gave me. I need to make sure that I've spent time with my
children. I need to make amends with my relationships with my wife, with my family members, my in
laws and everybody else, and I need to become a more disciplined person. Brothers, sisters without
discipline, you will not be successful in the dunya know in the era. Why do I say The ophira?
Because to read Salah, you need discipline to fulfill your Zakah you need lots of discipline to go
for what you need discipline to be married, you need discipline, you need to be disciplined, no
discipline, what type of success are you going to achieve? This is beautiful, beautiful, that Allah
		

			has made it compulsory for us to pray early in the morning.
		

			discipline, you get up your min min is automatically discipline. That's the help of Allah subhanho
wa Taala. So getting married has been simplified. It's been made easy. And it is not according to
your whims and fancies. When you are a parent.
		

			You know what that means? This is a powerful statement that many people don't like to hear.
		

			When I am a father
		

			and I have children, when I want to get them married, I do not follow my whims and fancies. I follow
what Allah said. And what Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam said, that is when I'm successful. When
you get married, you pray for children today Mashallah. We will be witnessing the appreciation of
the nica of brother Massoud.
		

			And Mashallah tabarrok Allah I am honored to be here today because I look at him as a son.
		

			And I look at him as someone whom inshallah we have great hopes, that by the will of Allah He will
fulfill as best as he can, the rights and the duties that are upon him and the same applies to us.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for all of us. What do we do we make dua Allah bring them
together. barakallahu li Kumar Baraka, la cama, cama, cama, Fei Fei, etc, etc. That includes a DR
for good offspring good children. May Allah bless you with pious offspring amin we make a dua every
time someone gets married that may Allah bless you will pious offspring who will be the coolness of
your eyes. So we're excited after some time no children yet two types of people
		

			some will tell you we're not starting a family yet. We want to enjoy a honeymoon little bit, you
know, they will tell you that straight life, brother It's been four years what type of honeymoon are
you talking about? So Allah, may Allah grant us ease. However, it is not a correct question to ask
people. Why don't you have children? That question is wrong. As a Muslim, you don't ask someone that
question. When are you having children is not the question of a Muslim. Why? Because it can be the
most hurtful question to those who cannot have children.
		

			It is Allah
		

			lil mo Kasama wa T one day
		

			Through coma yoshua Yabu Leamy
		

			me Asha
		

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			akima. Allah is the owner of everything. Allah is the owner of everything in the heavens and on
earth.
		

			He creates what he wants, some, he gives them only males. As children, some he gives them only
females as children who gives Allah gives.
		

			Some he gives them both male and female, and some he does not give them neither male nor female,
they don't have. So who is the giver? It is Allah. So when you say someone, when are you having
children? It is an insult my brother, unless it is your own child, and you know that they were
planning not to have children, you might want to discuss it in private.
		

			But trust me, don't ask people when are you having children? However, when they do have the
children, those children belong to Allah? Who do they belong to? Allah? We all belong to Allah when
someone passes away, what do we say? in Allah here in LA Hara john, you know what it means? We all
belong to Allah and we all are going to return to Allah Who do you belong to Allah? Who do your
children belong to Allah? So why did Allah give me children to test me by giving me something that
would make me happy I'm the father, you are only temporarily a custodian of the child for a lot to
see whether you fulfill what Allah wants or you want to do what you want. So as the child is born,
		

			what type of name do you give the child?
		

			How do you dress your little baby the baby's innocent, the baby doesn't say that dress me in the
senate because it can't even speak in the early stages. How you dress a child is your test. How you
speak to the child your test, what type of words are the first words that you teach the child your
test? What type of upbringing you want to deliver initially your test and as the child grows older,
a lot takes away your control of the child in front of your eyes.
		

			Maybe is born I have almost full control. ultimate control is allas but I have a lot I change the
nappy I decide the clothes I decide the name I decide so much. I will carry I will move I will give
I will take I will buy the toys and the child will do whatever as the child grows older. I don't
want to wear this anymore. Why I don't like it. Oh, first time in your life. You're talking about
the clothes. Wow. Wow. This toy also I don't want it I want that remote control car. Wow. Wow. What
is this? It is Allah showing you your control is diminishing. That's what it is. When they grow a
little bit older, you send them to the school they have no debate. I went to school my father sent
		

			me to the school after a while I don't want to go to this college. I want to go to that college.
Hey, where did you develop a mouse from Mashallah Allah gave it to him. Allah gave it to her.
		

			when they were young, you fed them whatever they were eating as they grow old, I'm not eating why I
don't like this food. Allahu Akbar, Mashallah, look what happened. How whatever you raise the child
upon from the early stages is what will have an impact on the child.
		

			Then there comes a day when the ultimate decision is to be made. What is it to get married?
		

			To get married? Do you know that marriage, in most cases determines your future.
		

			You know that your choice of a spouse makes you or breaks you.
		

			Your choice of a spouse makes you or breaks you. It's a fact. So choose well. When the young man is
choosing the young woman is choosing we need to teach them the guidelines given by Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wasallam you see a pretty woman, Masha, Allah is the word you know that isn't it?
		

			But some of the clever ones they say insha Allah, May Allah forgive us, okay, when you see someone,
you lower your gaze, but that is not the only quality. You see Mashallah good looking. You need to
determine
		

			the level of faith, the level of religion, you need to determine that
		

			you might want to say some harm
		

			This person is from a wealthy home
		

			you might want to say this person is from
		

			a wealthy home
		

			that might be attractive to some of the lazy lads wow she's from a wealthy home if I marry I can be
looked after by my father in law. Good idea shala bruneian
		

			it might be an attraction no problem. It's not haram but that's not the only thing you should look
at. Wow. What else she might be from a good family. Nice name they have in community the minute some
names you hear them, everyone says Wow, I know that family big family Mashallah, you know,
		

			but that's not the only thing you should look at. It's not haram to look at it. But success does not
lie in looking at those three things.
		

			However, the overriding factor is the level of Dean what is the dean, Dean is made up of two things,
your relationship with Allah and your relationship with the rest of the creatures of Allah.
		

			So if you have a good relation with Allah, you fulfill your rabada
		

			you are a pious person for example, or you have some sense of religion, consciousness of Allah
Mashallah and your character and conduct is brilliant, responsible person. So you have a
responsibility you if you if you show that you're responsible, Wow, you are sought after, if you
show that you are conscious of Allah, you are sought after, if you show that your character and
conduct is exemplary how you talk to people, how you carry yourself, you are sought after, that
should be the deciding factor. What this means is Mashallah, you saw someone really handsome, but
they've got no Dean drop it. You saw someone very wealthy, they've got no Dean drop it. You saw
		

			someone handsome and wealthy or pretty and wealthy. They don't have been dropping, you will come
across someone who is good looking and they have been Dean beautifies you more than anything else,
your character your conduct will develop as time passes by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
		

			Now comes Sorry, that was the advice given to the young people getting married when you are choosing
these are the things you look at.
		

			Now comes the parents.
		

			When your children are getting married, make it easy, don't make it difficult. How do I make it
easy? There are many ways of getting married. There is not one way in Islam many ways. proposal can
come from this side. The girl's family can insist or they can propose please we have a daughter, we
are interested that it's very good to do that. Nothing wrong at all. Sometimes the boys I can come
and say you know we have a son, we are interested in your daughter, please. They can say yes. They
can say no. If they say no, it's not the end of the world, you can push off somewhere else, you
might get something better Subhanallah but it needs to start and sometimes after 1015 requests one
		

			whom you are supposed to be with, they will agree accept and you move forward in the name of Allah
subhanho wa Taala. But it's not wrong for your son or daughter, to come to you and to say Dad, I
want to marry someone. Hey, who are you to come and suggest you want to marry?
		

			Are you not a good girl? You're a Muslim? How could you do that? A stone Villa my father, my beloved
parents, wake up and smell the coffee. We are muslimeen there is nothing wrong in a woman herself
showing interest to marry someone. Don't be embarrassed. Take it up. Allah is going to ask you if
what they are asking you to do is fair and acceptable in the eyes of Allah. Why do you want to block
it? Why do you want to stop it? Your duty and your job is to facilitate what Allah has allowed.
		

			Sometimes we fail dismally, because we did not adopt what Allah said. We are following our whims and
fancies and our desires. We are following our whims and fancies one law he and Allah says Hang on, I
gave you a child. You knew that you had to bring this child up. You knew that you had to follow our
way. But when it came to marriage, you did not do that. You follow your own way. What did you do you
destroy the child's life, in a lot of cases, destroyed the child. I have come across 1000s of cases
where people after marriage they say and I'm talking about 1000s, not hundreds. It used to be 10s
then hundreds now it's 1000s. They say I really didn't want to marry this person. But my father
		

			pushed me to do it. How? I think that Father is going to stand on the Day of Judgment. He's not
going to have an answer to Allah I forced. What did you force
		

			What did you do? How would you feel if your wife told you or your husband told you 10 years later, I
never wanted to marry you. It was a big mistake, I was forced by my mother or my father. And we
think that is Islam.
		

			And we think that is what Allah wants from us. You guide them, you were supposed to have guided
them, you did not play a role in their life until the last minute, and then you came up and you want
to suddenly push you away. Had if you had a good relationship from the beginning with your child,
they would have made you a part of that decision from the beginning. But no, you did not want that
what you wanted this, you wanted that you just come where it suits you in their lives, impose
certain matters and walk off, make their lives difficult. And Allah says, you know, facilitate it,
you facilitate it, it will become halaal another problem we have in our communities across the
		

			globe, Muslims are guilty. What do we do? We delay the nikka the people are ready to get married.
Girl side is happy boy sad is happy. When are you getting married? After two years? Two years for
that two years is a window period for Xena and adultery and nothing else. That's why you are not
supposed to delay the nikka once it's ready, just like Jenna's agenda is there. What are you waiting
for? No two years family hasn't come they're coming next week. If it was that they are coming soon,
few hours, maybe perhaps we can wait. But you want to wait for one week for what? which Allah has
told you to do that.
		

			Are you following what I'm saying?
		

			May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us? So don't delay the niqab for no reason.
		

			We need to know this. It is very important. It is a powerful message. Because it's not up to me.
It's up to Allah, Allah. Allah told me what to do. I need to follow what Allah says Allah subhanho
wa Taala. Yes, if your child is really going astray, and they are really doing something that is not
even acceptable in the eyes of Allah, then you might want to be a little bit firm in the way you
guide them. That's not wrong, but unreasonable. I've come across people who grew up together, the
child wants to marry either sometimes it's even a family member. Sometimes it's a business
associate. Sometimes it's someone just because they have a different origin, ethnicity, etc. They
		

			just say no, I'm not interested noise, noise. And you don't know the boy and the girl have had a
relationship for so long before they involve you in it because they were scared of you. You don't
even know that. And you just came in suddenly one day you said no.
		

			Subhan Allah.
		

			May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness and guidance in May Allah subhanho wa Taala open our
doors. I have spoken for 20 minutes more than 20 minutes. But you know this topic No matter how much
you say it's very interesting. There's only one problem. Every time I speak about marriage, I see
the older people looking at me like too late man, you should have spoken this when I was younger,
you know, now it's unfortunate. I am already so old, you know, and they look at you with so much of
desperation in the eyes. I pray that Allah give us happiness. I pray that Allah give us joy. And
Allah subhanaw taala makes us from among those whom when we look at our spouses, we just feel this
		

			coolness of our eyes, we feel so happy. We feel really you know, your spouse's sacrifice a lot. That
sacrifice over time, becomes the point of love, Jr. realize this.
		

			As we grow older, all of us we lose our shape and our size. And we sometimes lose our looks you have
to you become old, you wrinkle, you become gray, but you look at your spouse with all that gray and
you have so much of love for them, because they sacrifice their lives for you and for your children
and so much more. Now you are maturing, you become a person who's more responsible. You start loving
people for the right reasons.
		

			It's no longer about outward beauty. It's more about the inward beauty. I want to cry when I'm
talking because I'm sure that those who are slightly older, they relate with what I'm saying right
now. Well, ah he pray for your spouse's make dua May Allah bless them. May Allah grant them goodness
May Allah grant except from them all their sacrifice somebody's daughter, look after her. In the
case of the wife, somebody's son, respect him look after him as well look after each other, respect
each other, don't use abusive language. I want to end with one piece of advice for the groom and the
bride today. In the verses the Imam is going to read, you will hear one verse pulu Colin said either
		

			after that which is upright, be careful because 95% of
		

			problems in marriages
		

			are to do with the way you use your tongue.
		

			Use your tongue wisely. go out of your way to say beautiful words, lovely words to your spouse
everyday. Tell them how beautiful how pretty they are, how lovely how much you miss them, how much
you love them, how much you care for them, and let it happen. You know, we are living in a
generation way to tell them 10 times a day is no longer enough, I think between last year and this
year, it's shot up by 212 times a day. by next year it will be 14 times and as the time passes, you
will have to have an hourly message I love you Love. And you don't just be I love you. There are so
many ways of saying I love you. I adore you what else we can come up with all sorts of statements of
		

			affection.
		

			Today, the world is filled with so much of materialism and it is being advertised and marketed in a
very aggressive way that we need to reassure one another long back reassurance was not needed. The
fact that I came home I smile salam alayka that was enough that Salam I promise you when you walk in
the house and this this happens I hope it still happens to some it should be happening to a lot of
us. As you enter your house you see your spouse you smile. He says Salaam wa Alaykum Mashallah, that
means I really love you.
		

			They read into the statement, in actual fact, it means peace be upon you, but the way you came and
you were so happy and you smiled. They did not need you to say I love you The fact that they saw you
salaam aleikum, and that's your wife Subhana Allah that's your husband Luke package on radical
Salah. Mashallah, it was enough. The kids never ever saw husband and wife or father and mother
hugging before in the older generation. But they did more than just hugging with their statements
with their words with their expressions. A problem with us is we lack all of this. So therefore, we
need to keep on reminding one another. May Allah bless you all. It's a beautiful topic and I'm glad
		

			that everyone here is smiling at least because Allah He we can do much more to improve the condition
of our homes. I want to end with a little prayer to say, may Allah bless you both. May Allah bless
whatever he gives you in sha Allah, may he make it filled with blessing. And may Allah subhanho wa
Taala grant you all goodness and every one of us those who are married May Allah grant you
happiness. Those who are not married, may Allah grant us spouses who will be the coolness of your
eyes. Those who have children, may they be the coolness of your eyes, though to those who don't have
children. May Allah bless you with good offspring. Amin akula Kohli, hava sallallahu wasallam
		

			albaraka Allah Nabina Muhammad