Morad Awad – Are You A Good Parent PT. 2 Khutbah
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AI: Transcript ©
We praise Allah
and we send the best of peace and
blessings upon our noble prophet Muhammad
his companions
and those righteous followers to him and for
him until the day of judgment.
Allah
says in the Noble Quran,
Fear Allah
the way he should be feared
and do not die except in the state
of submission to him. We ask Allah
that we die in the state of submission
to him and that the last words
we say in this dunya are
Brothers and sisters,
there is no doubt
that one of the most
great
relationships,
the most unique relationships
that we can have in this dunya with
any other individual
is the relationship that a parent has with
their child.
How can it not be
when it is a relationship that stems
from
the creation?
When
Allah
created
man,
He created
in the way he did and asked
which is kinship,
do you agree for me to connect
with those who connect with you and cut
off those who connect who cut you off?
And they said, Bella, they agreed.
This unique relationship between a parent and a
child
is not
a mediocre one
or a coincidental
one,
but it is one that is deeply engraved
in the hearts and minds of both parents
and children as well.
How can it not be when they are
the reason for its creation?
When the parent was one of the direct
the only direct cause and reason for the
creation of
this child, and this is the way Allah
decreed it to be.
When Allah
decreed for us to be the parents of
our children
and Allah
answered our supplication
and blessed us with children when there are
many others in this world that weren't blessed
with them.
Allah
chose
this child to be for you.
And when Allah
chose this child to be for you,
he gave you the responsibility
to teach them, to grow them, to nurture
them,
to give them advice,
and to be along with them, side by
side in every
part of their life, to help them be
upright individuals.
Allah
chose
parents
for this responsibility.
The prophet said,
All of you are guardians, the prophet
said. You are all guardians
and you are responsible
for those who you are guarding.
Our children
are the number one people we are supposed
to guard.
They are the responsibility
Allah
endowed us with
and blessed us with their nama from Allah
We are responsible for them,
but does everyone take on this responsibility?
Does everyone
fulfill it the way they should fulfill it?
What if we do not?
What
if we do not assume the responsibility
that Allah
endowed us with?
The prophet
says in another hadith in Sahih al Bukhari,
he said
And I want everyone to listen to this.
There is not a servant that Allah
gave responsibility
for over another servant,
made them the guardian for,
except and they did not
give
them sincere
advice
and honest advice
except that they are prevented from even smelling
the scent of jannah on the day of
judgment.
So not giving our children the advice
is something very dangerous, brothers and sisters.
Not being, not assuming the role and responsibility
that Allah
gave us
is something
that is very very dangerous.
So the stakes are very high.
The stakes are extremely high and the loss
is huge. It's either jannah or not even
smelling the scent of it.
2 weeks ago,
on this very minbar, I gave a hutba
and
I
mentioned 4 foundational pillars
that parenting
or the parent child relationship
are based on, 4 foundational pillars.
The first is friendship.
The second
is positive
encouragement.
The third is trust.
And the 4th, which we didn't speak about
in the last was
correcting
bad habits.
These four things
encompass
everything in parenting.
Everything that has to do with parenting has
to do with one of these four things.
Everything that has to do with the relationship
between
the parent and the child has to do
with one of these 4 categories.
The last one is the most challenging one
and this is the one I will attempt
to cover today
I will not speak about the methods of
correcting bad habits because the methods are too
plenty
or too many to discuss
in one khutbah.
It needs a series of khutbah.
But today
I will speak about the mindset
we should have as parents and this message
is to all parents,
the mindset we should have when dealing with
our children.
In the holy Quran, Allah
does not give us specific ways to deal
with our children.
Do this and do not do this. But
what Allah
does with his divine wisdom is give us
examples
of people before us, whether they be prophets
or non prophets,
whether they be prophets or non prophets,
and gives us their parenting skills
or certain wisdoms or techniques
or methods they used when they were parenting
so that we can learn from them.
In the story of Nuh
Allah
gives us the example
of a righteous parent.
Not just any parent but a prophet.
And not just any prophet but a messenger.
And not just any messenger but one of
the 5
The 5 best messengers in the history of
mankind.
Nuh
without a shadow of a doubt was one
of the greatest parents to ever live.
Nuh proved his patience
by giving dawah to the same people for
950
years.
But Nuh
was tested with a bad child.
A child that Allah
decreed to be from amongst
the kafireen, the disbelievers.
So we have a righteous parent
and a bad child.
And in the story of Ibrahim
also from Ulul Azmi Minar Rusl,
we have the example
of a righteous
child and a bad parent.
A righteous child and a bad parent.
And in the story of Yaqub
Ibrahim
grandson,
we have the example
of a righteous
father, Yaqub who is a prophet
and
a mix of children,
good and bad.
But not just any good.
A prophet, his child was Yusuf
A prophet. So it can't get any better
than this.
And not only that but his bad children
were those who not only plotted to kill
their own brother, which is an evil act
in and of itself, but they
planned to kill a prophet.
A prophet. A child that Allah
decreed to be a prophet, because he had
a dream that Allah
chose him,
out of envy and jealousy.
So Yaqub
had a combination of both.
But we see
how Ya'qub
dealt with it as well.
When they came to him
with the false blood
on the kamiis
of Yusuf
on his clothes, they
brought their father fake blood on Yusuf clothes
and Yaqub
knew
what they were doing,
and knew what they plotted.
And this is something that Allah
taught him.
But the only thing he said to his
kids was what? Did he get angry?
Did he lose his temperament?
Did he lose his akhlaq and his character?
Absolutely not.
He said,
He said,
your nafs told you to do something evil.
Your nafs pushed you to plot against your
brother. But what? Sabrun Jamil and I want
everyone to listen to this. He said, Beautiful
patience.
Beautiful
patience.
And why beautiful patience? Why couldn't it just
be patience by itself?
Because brothers and sisters there is beautiful patience
and there is ugly patience.
There is patience
that is beautiful like that of Yaqub
when he said Allah
will unfold things. And perhaps
with my dua Allah will rectify the situation
and bring all of you back together again
and purify your hearts. That is beautiful patience.
Having trust in Allah
But ugly patience
is the patience when a parent sees his
son doing something bad or his daughter doing
something bad or the mother sees her son
or her daughter doing something bad and she
goes crazy, he goes crazy, they lose their
character, they get angry,
they lose their temperament, they lose their akhlaq,
they curse, they humiliate,
they put down,
and then they say, Alhamdulillah, I'm patient.
I'm patient with you. I'm still going to
spend and provide and advise. Insha'Allah,
Allah will make everything better.
So there is beautiful patience
and there is ugly patience as well.
We ask Allah
to make us from those who have beautiful
patience
Parents
need to understand
that
we
have a responsibility
towards our children, but
we have no control over them.
Allah
gave us this responsibility.
And what should
be in our hearts and what should
be in our minds as we are raising
our children
is that
we are in no control over them.
Allah
is the only one who controls their hearts.
Can we control them? Absolutely not. But what
we can do is perfect
the fulfillment
of our roles and responsibilities towards
them. Give them the advice, the honest advice
the way we should.
Surround them with a positive environment the way
we should. Take them to the masjid, remind
them to do good, teach them lessons of
life that they
will learn
and understand the world with.
We need
to teach them, that's our responsibility,
to feed them,
to grow them, to surround them with good
people, that's it.
Can we control how they come out?
Absolutely not.
And that is why
Allah asks us for responsibilities
and not results. In Surat Al Kahf, for
example,
in the story of Musa
and al Khadr,
we find that
Musa
went along with al Khidr
and
they saw a child,
a young child below
the age of puberty.
Goes and kills this child.
To Musa, it appeared to be the most
evil act.
Did you kill
an innocent soul
without due cause? It didn't this is a
child. How can you hold him responsible?
Even if he killed someone
What an evil act that you did. But
Musa
didn't understand. Later in the story,
when al Khadr recalls
what happened, what does he say?
He says that his parents,
both his parents
He had righteous parents,
We feared
that and this is bi'mr min Allah, by
the decree of Allah, and the permission of
Allah, that he killed this child.
He said, he had righteous parents,
and this child would have drove them crazy.
He would have been a very evil soul.
So Allah decreed for him to
die. And in the story right after it,
we see that there are 2
orphans
that had a treasure buried under a wall.
So Musa
and their Khadr built the wall, and Musa
didn't know why.
He didn't know why.
But when they built the wall,
and then he recalled it afterwards, he said
what? He said
he said,
These orphans had a righteous parent.
Just 1 righteous parent, not even 2 righteous
parents. 1 righteous parent was enough.
Was enough to do what?
To bring a prophet
and a righteous man like al Khuddr, the
2 most knowledgeable men on earth to go
and be of their assistance.
Because of one righteous parent that perhaps made
dua
for them
when he was alive, but he was no
longer alive.
They were orphans.
So do not be scared as to what
happens to your children without you.
Because if you fulfill your responsibility,
brothers and sisters, then you did your due
diligence in front of Allah, and that is
what's required of you.
Do everything you can,
but do not feel
in any way that you're in control of
your children,
Because you're not required to be in control
of them.
All you're required to do
is to do your best.
And that is why Allah
said,
Allah
does not burden a soul with more
than it can bear.
Because Allah blessed you with this child, know
one thing that
Allah
knows that you have the ability to bear
every test that you are going through.
You have the ability to overcome.
You have the ability
to be the best parent for this child.
So know
that Allah
did not decree
it in vain. Do not ever
fall into despair. Do not stress.
Do not panic.
Do not go crazy. Do not lose your
temperament. Do not get angry.
Allah
said,
Only the ones who go astray
are the ones who fall into despair.
Only the ones who go astray
are the ones who go into despair from
the mercy of Allah. We ask Allah for
his mercy and we ask Allah to make
us from the ones who never fall into
despair.
Fear Allah brothers and sisters and yourselves. Fear
Allah and your children and fear Allah and
your families.
As we will be asked about them on
the day of judgement,
Allah will stop the parents who are guardians
on the day of judgment
until their whole family is judged.
If it is
good,
then they are good.
If not, then Allah
knows what you gave
and knows
whether you fulfilled your responsibility
towards them or not.
Nuh
in the story that we mentioned, very profound
stories.
In the story of Nuh
despite his righteousness
and his status and level,
in the akhirah,
being from ululazmi min al Ruzl,
did he produce
the best child in the world? Absolutely not.
That's why he was from amongst the kafirians
that drowned.
So,
what if one of our children drowned?
What should we ask ourselves? Are we failures?
Did Nuh
in any of the
after his son
was decreed to be from amongst the kafir,
did he fall into despair? Did he say,
I'm a failure? I'm a bad parent?
I lost?
He did not say that.
Because he knew he fulfilled his responsibility
of nusr.
He gave sincere advice.
He did his due diligence,
and then he lifted his hands, and he
said,
That's
my matters to Allah. I did what I
can, and Allah knows that I did what
I can. Allah
knows what's in your hearts brothers and sisters.
If there's something you can do, it is
your responsibility
to do it.
If you cannot do it, then Allah
Allah does not hold you responsible for it.
But Allah knows
He knows what's inside your chest.
So know that you're dealing with a Lord
that knows everything that's going through your mind
and everything that's going through your heart.
In the story of Ibrahim,
we learn
that a child like Ibrahim
was upon the haqq,
and his father was upon
And the mistake that the father made here
was not to listen to his child.
He always dismissed
what his child had to say. You're a
child. What do you know?
What can you teach me?
I'm from the top. I'm from the nobles
of our tribe. You're just a
child,
That's who is Ibrahim?
But Ibrahim had a point. So maybe our
children, brothers and sisters, can have a point.
Our children can teach us things
no matter how old they are. They can
be 5 years old, but they can teach
you a lesson that you did not learn
in your 30 years.
So be humble and accept from them. This
is one thing we can learn from the
story of Ibrahim
and there are many.
In the story of Yaqud,
we can learn
from his beautiful patients.
And we can learn
how to deal with our children in an
organic way,
without being reactionary,
without losing our temperament, without losing our akhlaq,
to treat our children in a way
that preserves a way back for them.
We do not want our children to burn
their bridges with us.
Because if they burn the bridges with us,
they're going to build bridges with someone else.
And that someone else is not necessarily going
to be the best person.
Because the society we live in is surrounded
with
with a lot of toxins,
a lot of negativity
and
evil. As soon as they open their phones,
as soon as they go to school,
they they aren't surrounded with the best things,
brothers and sisters. So
it's very likely that if you burn the
bridge with them, they're going to connect it
with someone else, and most likely
it's not going to be well.
So make sure this bridge is established and
it's there.
No matter what
bad thing they do,
always always
let them know
and reassure them that you are there you
are there with them, and you still love
them, and you're still with them, and you're
going to be with them to walk them
out of whatever bad habit or whatever evil
act they did.
Because this reassurance,
they're looking for it, whether it's from you
or from someone else.
So when your kids become adults,
when they get to the age of puberty
or the age that we call the age
of takleef, where Allah
holds them responsible for establishing salah
and giving zakah,
and fasting Ramadan, and fulfilling their obligations,
what do we do?
As a parent you did your responsibility.
You did it in front of Allah
Allah will see your actions on the day
of judgment.
You should have completed your job of tarbia,
of growing and nurturing.
Once you get there, you befriend them, you
cannot control them.
You cannot control them, but what you can
do is be their friend and advise them.
Speak to them in the nicest way, in
the most lenient way. Keep your akhlaq with
them.
Because
when Allah
told the Prophet
to give
dua, what did he say?
Call to the way of Allah with what?
With wisdom
and good
advice, kind advice,
sincere advice.
And debate with them in the best possible
way. This is with the nasaara, with the
Christians. Aren't our kids more deserving?
Aren't our kids more deserving
than the people who are not even upon
our faith
with
this wisdom, and this
this good
form of debating or talking or discussing,
Allah
told Firaun, told Musa
to go to Firaun,
and he said,
Say to him a lenient speech. Talk to
him in the most lenient way, in the
most kind way.
Do our kids not deserve what Faraun deserved?
In speaking in the most lenient way, this
is a question that I want every parent
to ask themselves today. We ask Allah
to give us wisdom. We ask
Allah
to make us the best
the best nurturers and the best guardians for
our children. We ask Allah to enter us
and our families completely into jannah. We ask
Allah to give us and bless us righteous
offspring. We ask
Allah to forgive us. Have mercy on us.
Show us the straight path. Guide us to
that which is best. Guide us to the
best of akhlaq.
Fill the rose in the back, brothers.
Brothers
and sisters, inshallah, some quick announcements before you
leave. Don't forget to donate on your way
out. InshaAllah, tonight
we have
a family night. Alhamdulillah,
we have programs for every age group and
every gender, Brothers and sisters side, inshallah, it's
going to be lit. I want everybody to
come out, inshallah, tonight. We have stuff for
the younger youth starting from the age of
0
all the way up to
alhamdulillah, you know, the age of Ibrahim alaihi
wa sallam. Right? We have something for every
age group inshallah. So make sure you bring
your families and you come out tonight, bayousnillahi
ta'ala.
Sheikh Yasir is going to be giving a
lecture after 'isha, but before 'isha, from Maghrib
all the way up, the programs begin. So
make sure you come out with your family
on Maghrib, and insha Allah ta'ala, you'll be
directed
to where you should go depending on your
age group inshaAllah
ta'ala. If you have any question, you can
come to me afterwards.
Number 3, don't forget tomorrow we have the
conference, the LGBTQ
conference,
hosted by Sheikh Yasser. Insha Allah, make sure
you you make your way. If you want
to attend that conference, it begins
at 2:30
PM all the way until Isha.
So 2:30 right after Alhur,
all the way until Isha.
Ikhna relief banquet tomorrow, February
20 not tomorrow. No. On February 23rd
from 6 to 9 PM, Ikna relief has
a banquet. We call everyone to come. Sheikh
Yasir Khan is going to be their keynote
speaker.
Number 5, Ramadan,
Ramadan food drive at ICI by Helping Hands
is going to be on Saturday, February 22nd
and Sunday, 23rd, insha Allah.
And if you want to sign up and
didn't sign up for Hajj with Ustadh Muhammad
Bajur,
inshallah,
the seats are very limited.
You would you should go ahead and sign
up right now before the seats run out.
If you plan to do Hajj this year
with Istaf Bajur,
sign out sign up on your way out
inshallah, and they'll direct you to what
to do next. I'll see you all tonight.
We're looking forward to a great night.