Mohammad Elshinawy – How Being Shameless Leads to Being Faithless

			So now on a call everyone
		

			we begin the name of Allah All Praise and Glory be to Allah Who makes financial peace and blessings
be upon His messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and his family in his companions and all
those who tried his path may Allah Zoa Jen grant, they'll send you a life upon his path, say Amin,
and a death while adhering to his guidance. Allahumma Amin and a drink from his blessed hand on the
day of thirst, the Day of Judgment Allahumma Amin and an opportunity to see the face of his Lord and
ours Allah whom I mean.
		

			It was my cousin when I was a young child, I think it was my cousin, who said to me, Mohamed, do you
know why we have hair in our nose said no. Why?
		

			He said, because when we sleep
		

			before the cockroach goes inside your nose, he gets to wipe its feet.
		

			But then I grew and I learned that actually that hair is there to tickle your nose so you can sneeze
and clear it out. Who knew that?
		

			I shot Allah turned out that was also wrong.
		

			But it was basically right.
		

			That Allah azza wa jal to place these hairs on the outermost part of our nose like airfilter,
basically, so that you know, we don't get infected and infested with the viruses and you know, the
sinus infection will destroy you, until you eventually sneeze, or another gift, Allah gave us the
instant shell, the nasal irrigation where you flush it out in a loop.
		

			And I said Subhanallah that's amazing hamdulillah my cousin was wrong.
		

			But you know that Allah does that for you. You know, it's like your nerves also, Allah placed our
nerves in our skin in our outermost layer to prevent it's like an alarm system. So pain is felt out
here before the damage happens in unthinkable ways within your body.
		

			But what I realized, as the years went by, is that Allah also created an outer line of defense and
alarm system, for our spirits for our soul, our hearts, and that is called higher, high yet meaning
healthy shame. I like to translate it as healthy shame. It's so important to human flourishing and
human decency that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said there was never a prophet, except
that he said to his people, if you have no shame, than do whatever you want, meaning you're gonna
find yourself, if the first line of defense is compromised, you're going to be doomed to basically
you're gonna likely find yourself in a very, very dark place. And I also know that in our day and
		

			age, with the extreme push the extreme proliferation, promotion of radical individualism, that has
also stripped us of being able to imagine that shame could be in any way shape or form beneficial,
right? Any positive connotations, even though by the way, the experts themselves like
psychotherapists, and behavioral sciences, they tell you no, no, no, a healthy dose of shame and we
know being to a shame is a complex it's a problem. There are people that abuse this concept even in
religious language they do sometimes they over guilt you and they gaslight you but they're saying
still don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. They said, a healthy dose of shame is what
		

			prevents a person from steamrolling ahead in ways that they can never come back later and fix points
of no return. They said people that have low shame are the same people that have greater
likelihoods, who have personality disorders, who have unsuccessful relationships. And it makes sense
because if you don't ever own and feel guilty, or remorse or Twitch, you're always projecting blame
on the other party. It's all their fault, and it's also theirs to fix. I can fix it. I didn't do
anything wrong.
		

			But wait. They even said there is a clear and direct link
		

			between sociopaths, meaning the cruelest human beings ever, and pathological liars, people who lie
even when they're not cornered, even when they don't even need to lie. Those two people there's a
direct link between them and the absence of any sort of sense of shame or guilt whatsoever. They
have been able to strip themselves of the inconvenience of feeling conflicted, and that is why they
go to such a dark place. As the Prophet alayhi salatu salam said, you don't have it. You will never
know how far you'll go. And so our Prophet Beat, beat them to the surface and he beat them to the
study.
		

			And he told us about us before they told us about us. And so saying hamdulillah for Islam,
		

			he told us value sheen. He told you grow it. He told you develop it not just person to person, not
just in terms of self image, but turn it into a sand, turn it into your watchfulness with Allah,
your religious conscience.
		

			You know, for example, the angels, the beautiful angels, he said, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, on
the Day of Judgment, when Allah revives them, returns them to consciousness. The first thing they
will say is to behind a camera but deny Kahakai badass, glorified you are Oh Allah, we haven't
devoted ourselves to us the way you deserve devotion. They felt a sense of shame, right? A beautiful
shame. Or even the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, when he went up and received 50
prayers in the night and day, every time you would return to the fifth heaven, Musa alayhis salam
would tell No, no, no, no, I tried the people. They're not going to handle it. Ask Allah for
		

			reduction. And so he continued going back and forth, till it became five. And then Musa alayhis
salam said, no, no, no, ask Allah for more. He said sallallahu alayhi wa sallam I've asked Allah had
this the hate until I become a shame. How can I see generosity like this? And it's not even about
fear of Allah anymore. I'm so in love. I'm so enamored that I'm ashamed to ask for more.
		

			You know, actually another concept or another incident here that shows you the beauty and the
perfection of the shame of the prophets. When when the guests use the overstay their welcome at the
prophets house, right.
		

			Anybody would write you sit you eat, you keep staying and they just lose track of time. Allah said
in Nidalee come Cana, you didn't be here for a steady income. While hola hola you're stuck him in
and help. The Prophet
		

			was bothered by you overstaying Your welcome, you ate now leave, and he was ashamed of you or in
front of you. But Allah is not too ashamed to speak the truth. Think about that. The Prophet
Mohammed is the one being generous, but he felt that you're being generous for accepting my
invitation. So how do I tell you to leave? This is the shame of generosity. It is another beautiful
shame that our deen teaches us to grow. And then of course, what I want to spend the rest of the
lecture speaking about is the shame of chastity, the shame of formality and respect and reverence
and regard between men and women. You know, when one interesting Hadith
		

			a woman came to the Prophet sallahu alayhi wa sallam, and she said to him, how do I make sure my
prayer is valid, like washing after my cycle is over? He said, You know, you, you take the ritual
baths, that listen, he said to her, then you take a cotton
		

			and I will be ambiguous on purpose.
		

			And you perfume, this cotton, and you complete your purification with it. So she said, What do you
mean complete my purification with it?
		

			I mean, there's no shame in making sure your Salah is valid. He didn't tell her Don't ask such
questions. But he didn't want to be explicit, from his beautiful hya sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So
he said Subhanallah like figure it out, like Subhanallah complete your purification with it. And she
didn't want to take any chances. So she repeats the question, how exactly do I take this perfume,
cotton and complete my purification with it. And so I Aisha, our mother saves the day or the Allahu
Ana, she pulls her aside like come here, woman.
		

			And she says to her that are buried behind them just follow along the traces of where there was
blood with this perfume.
		

			But I just want you to picture it to notice it. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam.
		

			He didn't want that formality to fall, because if it falls, you can never predict, let alone control
how things become.
		

			And notice also that he had more higher than her. So this Hyak concept, whoever thinks it's about
women, wrong, whoever thinks is about inferiority, or defect wrong. This is a safeguard and
emotional safeguard. You get triggered in a sense, you become averse in a sense, in a way that will
protect you from the slippery slope from going to places that are beneath you. That's what it's
really about. Abu sorry that Audrey said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had more higher,
had more healthy shame than a virgin girl in her deepest room. What does that mean? You imagine a
girl that doesn't mix with guys much right? If you were to catch her off guard, just barge into her
		

			deepest room where she's least expecting it
		

			What would her reaction be like Abu salah, it said the Prophet of Allah had even more shame and
modesty than that, when something would be offensive, he wouldn't be able to hide it from his face,
he would react. That was from the health of his heart that heightened sensitivity.
		

			And so after establishing all this, I want to do something I'm sorry, a little bit uncomfortable.
And I only have 10 minutes to do it. I want to take this higher discussion, this healthy shame
discussion, and apply it to our context, the gender relations context, because no one really is and
forgive me, I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I don't want to alienate anyone. But at the
same time, even if the medicine is a little bit bitter, a little bit sour, we want it to remain on
the shelf, right? Because if we just give in, if our heart just embraces and accepts and becomes
desensitized to the evil around us, in our hyper sexualized culture, then what will happen next, by
		

			the way is that our mind will begin to justify it. That clear. It starts off as a shoe a shoe or a
desire, and then it mutates into a Shubha confusion and doubt about the religion itself. And that is
why this is related to the conference's theme, protecting our faith, shame. lessness is the
precursor of faithlessness not having faith anymore. I didn't say this. The Prophet alayhi salaatu
wa salam said this, I'll hire when a man who Corina Jamia hire shame, healthy shame, right? Those of
shame and faith have been interlock either roofie I do human when one is removed, the other goes
with it. And so I'm gonna lean on the brothers a little bit and forgive me. But you know, it's not
		

			forgive me because man bashing is like a currency these days gets you props. And then I'm going to
lean on my sisters a little bit and forgive me. And then I'm going to lean on you both. So you can
throw me out and ask the organizers not to bring me back to the conference. Okay. So let me lean on
the brothers a little bit
		

			to begin with, and speak about lowering the gaze.
		

			Lowering the gaze 2022, who talks about lowering the gaze anymore? I thought they said the chef was
born in America and who knows what time it is not the 90s anymore, lowering the gaze. Yes, lowering
the gaze because our Lord said so subhanho wa taala. Allah protected us by saying lower the gaze
from everything inappropriate.
		

			On the street, and the new street is our palm, write everything in our palms.
		

			Because even if you can't lower your gaze, I'm telling you stay conflicted. And why I say this to
the brothers. We just need to be honest here. Lowering the gaze for wisdom that Allah knows is more
emphasized on men looking at women than women looking at men for another time, but this is why I'm
leaning a little more on the brothers here.
		

			Every time your eyes slip that says that thriller and acknowledge there's something that went wrong
here. Don't lose hope. Don't feel powerless. But also don't give in. Don't get comfortable. Keep the
higher alive. Or else if you don't, then you will start looking for longer periods and start
thinking movies are just harmless. And then you get sucked into a generation may Allah protect you
have people that feel utterly powerless
		

			in front of *. This is a reality. I just want to be a little bit Frank. This is the
continuum. If you don't have it out here, it will wind you up there. And we should all know that.
You know, * is not a harmless fantasy, * fries, even your brain's ability to
process pleasure any longer, because you consume in one hour, but generations before you could never
consume of arousal in a lifetime. And you're consuming things that don't exist in reality, so how
could they ever be matched in real life?
		

			And that's how you look at our deen and Allah azza wa jal says Holy Namaha Rama rob the Alpha Hashem
Alpha Rahman Halima baton say to them Oh Mohamed My Lord has yes forbidden things because they are
in decent, some of them apparent some of them hidden are redeemed didn't wait till we all everybody
knows the word dopamine now till all our deen prohibited us from experiencing the dopamine rush that
could actually destroy us now. Put us at places where nothing will ever satisfy us. And I want to
also say doesn't just ruin the sexual appetite. Forgive me for the frankness, even though I will
continue to be as ambiguous as possible. It even will deplete your manhood in terms of your male
		

			strength. You know fighters know this. Athletes know this. They stay away from sexual content
contact even with their spouses by the way days before their fight days before
		

			Are there a match because their male force, their male strength, their male energy is depleted by
it. And I want to tell you that if you need help, go seek help. Don't ever get comfortable with your
condition. I have a good friend of mine who has been going to therapy since last year for this. And
he said to me the other day, you know, I realized that it's actually doable, but I can actually
lower my gaze and take control of my life back. You know, because you say like, oh, lower your gaze
where exactly how exactly do I lower my gaze? You know, one young man said to a shift, shift your
tone deaf, you don't understand. I walk this way. There's a girl I walk this way. There's a girl I
		

			look up to make sure there's a girl in the balcony, right? Or in the billboard. Right? No, but it is
doable. He said that when I just said to myself, Okay, for the next two, three hours, I'm gonna
lower my gaze, I realized I was stronger than I was. And that sense of accomplishment created like a
beautiful cycle. And it got better and better and stronger and stronger. And you know, this, you
know, and Ramadan, you realize you're stronger than you think. He said, and I want you to just bear
with me here. He said, This person who had that addiction, after I was able to take control of my
eyes back.
		

			And I was no longer now at the mercy no longer being shuttled between shuttled from one arousal to
another by the circus ring leaders that have engineered the modern world in this way. Right. He
said, I realized that it wasn't just my heart that was compromised, I was complicit. I kept throwing
out these justifications that make no sense.
		

			I was okay with
		

			an industry that is that is
		

			involved in trafficking of human beings and of children and mental health crises. When I stopped,
only then did the lights get turned on for me.
		

			And you know, it's so interesting, the idea of lowering the gaze and sort of the node, the verse of
light. And that is why early Muslims would say, Whoever lowers their eyesight, Allah unleashes their
insights, then Hamdulillah, for Islam,
		

			and then our sisters.
		

			Because let us also be honest, there is greater consideration for the modest dress of Sisters in
Islam than brothers, even though we both have to cover at a minimum. But there it is
disproportionate for wisdom that Allah only knows. And so when you find yourself loosening up top or
tightening in certain places, tell yourself I should not be comfortable with this. Yes, we want to
give our sisters room to grow. But we have to also revive the higher to protect our sisters from
slipping. It is one continuum. And if you don't, you will be like also those people outside who are
brainwashed into saying anything and everything to justify it. You know, people for example, you
		

			know, they they speak about the respect bodily autonomy, forgive me slogan, and it's right. I mean,
if someone slips a drink, or a drug into your drink, to manipulate your body, they should be
punished, right? Why don't we think that slipping an image of an uncovered woman at every turn does
not manipulate a man's body? Why don't we think so? Why should there only be
		

			the agency to flaunt curves and look seductive and turn heads and make someone drool but not the
agency to pursue what is being showcased in front of them? And you know, I swear I have three
daughters, and I swear I'm not some, you know, extremist, crazy chef, you may not know me, but like,
hates women or something, I think and I worry about this every day. Because when you just accept
those double standards, and you just you don't push back at all, society tries to suppress the
natural response. And so it goes underground, and then it has to explode. And then you say, Oh, you
too, it was me too. And then you have the me to movement, which is tragic. Don't get me wrong, but
		

			nothing unexpected about it. Even if you gave 13 months out of the year to domestic violence,
awareness, you still will not prevent unwanted sexual advancements and the dehumanization of women
and objectifying them without Allah's guidance. So people wonder what what does Allah wants from me,
Allah told you, you read the law when you have free francomb Allah wants to lighten your burden.
Allah wants to pull you out of that grind that that churning atrocity
		

			will only occur in son or daughter Eva and the human being was created week that I in an ISA came
down in the context of sexual propriety. Allah said what you read the Latina tiberiu, inertia harati
and to me domain and Avena and those who are obsessed with the worldly desires, they want you to
deviate so far. The fashion Lord somewhere that keeps snapping their fingers and telling you by the
way, your wardrobe was five minutes
		

			Single. And by the way, some scholars say that 1400 years of scholars got it all wrong. A jab just
means attitude of modesty, right?
		

			Allah wants to liberate you from all that. I remember a good sister I used to read for for a long
time, Sister Sharifa. Carlo, she says it was only after I covered my head. And we all know hijab is
not just covering your head. I know, I understand, she said, but when I covered my head, only after
that did I sort of open my mind and realize everything that was happening here.
		

			If I can just have one more minute, the third where I will lean on both of you. How yet in terms of
marriage, if you're stuck in a relationship, or dabbling with the relationship outside of it never
stopped feeling conflicted about that, even if you're stuck in it right now.
		

			Or else you will begin to think that anything could ever be fulfilling in life after faith than a
functional family, where the kids are in suffering, where you truly are each other's rocks, that can
only happen through character, not through chemistry, and all this other stuff that we don't
understand how it got to this point.
		

			And if we undermine the utility and the value of family, Wallah, he, no one will suffer more than
our sisters. You know, in the past, women made men commit, there was a certain standard of Manning
up before you could have access. But now when the slogan of freedom for women actually granted men,
unworthy men, free access to women, now the man has no reason to step up. No reason to qualify, it
is now a buyer's market. He gets to pick whatever he wants, and then we say there's no more good men
out there. And then it becomes a world of Xena. May Allah protect us. And that is why Allah said
Don't come near it. Well, that's a caribou. Don't underestimate this. Every single person that has
		

			fallen into Zina comes to the chef and says, I have no idea how it got that far. Right. They all say
the same thing.
		

			It says if Xena as a wild animal, that you think you're far enough from the cage, so you
underestimate then it grabs you. Allah said Don't come near it. They very very, very far. So saying
hamdulillah for Islam, say Alhamdulillah for Islam. I know I'm sure that my passion about the
subject, made me oversimplify many things or come off as Oprah's oversimplifying them. And I know
that we need holistic solutions. I just wanted to say that beginning with Alhamdulillah for Islam is
where we start looking for those solutions and protecting our faith as a byproduct of that is like a
level playing on salah, so nobody's gonna be number
		

			two