Mohammad Elshinawy – Anger Management #1
AI: Summary ©
The importance of learning how to deal with anger management is emphasized, as it is natural and unconventional. The natural and unconventional nature of anger can lead to regret and hesitation. The use of negative language and practice of "back off" are also discussed, as well as advice from the Prophetiter and the importance of taking action to improve relationships.
AI: Summary ©
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what type of lead he has? I don't want to be able to hand in number again. Arlene Cooperativa Yeah, yeah. Hello Dina Amanita Kula our Guru Poland sadita. Kumar Malika. Well, the lack of the rubric of manual or suitable for for diverse films and
we begin the name of Allah old Praise and Glory be to Allah, Lord of the worlds we thank him and we seek His help and his guidance and his pleasure and his forgiveness. And we asked Allah to protect us from the evil whispers within us and the evil consequences of our misdeeds from another Allah guides knowing can lead us astray. And whenever Allah leaves without guidance, none can guide that person and testify that no one is worthy of our worship but Allah alone find the partners the true supreme King, the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was in truth is Prophet and his servant and His messenger. But people of Emad have the tough love Allah Moromi, conscious and
obedient to Allah in the manner that he deserves and do not die except in a state of complete and total surrender to Allah, a state of Islam.
To begin, one of the many, many, many, many merits of Islam
is that it ensures dignity for a human being in their behavior.
It helps a person become contained, calm and collected, dignified and composed, regardless of what external circumstances may provoke them or push to manipulate them.
If a person is trying to observe Islam correctly, they will find it easier than others
to not have high blood pressure and be totally disgruntled, totally angered because the men whether ruin their basket will be with their friends. As I heard one elderly man I estimate using the 65 or seven years old, never forget that he was running up the cord and the thunder began. This was the one day him and his guys get together. And so he looked up at the sky that he had to be done. This was not a Muslim.
And he said we had a deal.
Angrily shouting out and Allah subhanho wa Taala
you would not be that person that a good friend of mine who used to work in the Apple Store says about that when the iPhone six came out, we had her phone, the girl that waited online for two three hours, which she had insisted that it be the pink one. And we weren't going to have that for two or three more days. She turned a bliss she went on fire, she had a temper tantrum as if she was a child, she went from anger to tears to crying and she leaves the store Islam dignifies a person above such behavior dignifies a person above the behavior of a person who said to me, I don't care.
I will refuse to go to Paradise if my wife is inside. I don't care if this problem sends me to the fire rather bitter that causes the person to move not just from adulthood to childhood, but from sanity to insanity, from belief to disbelief, uncontrollable anger. Our theme came to help a person move beyond that weakness becoming a victim of their own anger.
So in Bukhari and Muslim Sulayman it was all about the Allah Allah Allah Allah says, He stepped bar to Lani and then maybe some above or Allah you're saying lemma? Whenever you return, would you too soon?
Why have you whom so far was said the
murderer alleged who two men got into a fight and argument in front of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam while we were there, and one of them kept just cursing and offending the other.
And he was in effect of rage to the point that he became so angry His face became red we could all see this man is losing it. He lost his lid as basic for
fall into the US Allah Allah Allah you're sending them in Neela Ireland and Kenny Matson no Carla had never had the analogy. The Prophet SAW sent and said, I know a statement that if he were to see it, all that he finds inside of himself that fury inside of himself would just vanish would disappear or we will be learning how to shape honor Ragini so that's the statement he would have to say. I seek refuge protection with Allah from Shavon Dickerson
for setting the bar was so high up that no more I think
Qlm and maybe some Allah Allah he'll send them further How about you will be one of us I haven't heard messages from Allah is an MC this some saint was more eyes on the other line. So he went to the men formed in the messengers of Allah wa Jameson and said this.
And then he said to into our bIllahi min ash shaytaan seek refuge with Allah from shaitan. So other than that, another module and so the man retorted back to him, he snapped back at him. I told him he Betsa and Mitch noon, Anna, if
you think there's something wrong, something's wrong with me. Am I Am I crazy shaitan has possessed me and you think I'm possessed by a demon. Get out of here, get away from me leave.
And this hadith, of course, is filled with blessings and guiding principles, some of them being obviously, that a person must be very careful about their timing when they give advice in general. And also of the lessons of this hadith is how to deal with angry people, in particular,
was what I wanted to start with in talking about anger management, controlling our anger all of us and how Islam enabled us to do that, and showed us the roadmap out of this dark, this Dark Sphere of anger that consumes so many people.
That the prophets of Allah or yoursel, LEM, alluded to the fact that anger is from shaitan. You have to seek refuge with shaitan. When you're angry, that means Shakedowns a factor at play here is all anger from Shaytaan. Nope.
Only when it's really hot only when it's unjustified. But the issue is usually most of the time, most of us, most of our anger is for personal reasons. And if it's you're taking sides, it's for a personal reason, you're already going to be bias. And so it's not going to be from law, nor is it's really going to be about fairness and justice. Because you cannot be just when we are one of the two disputants. And so almost all of anger because of that equation is from goes back to being from Shavon.
You feel you assume someone violates your rights. Someone has shortchange you and your reputation so you react with anger. How would you react with anger, it depends on who you are, and what's happening. But not all anger is from shaitan. We do need to establish that anger in and of itself is natural. It's completely natural, completely human of us, even though it's not even a modern concept that just angers okay, but management of anger. That's not just a modern thing that we talked about nowadays in therapy. This is has always been something understood by the wise among humanity. Even the Arab they use the same and is still labor when I'm young and loved for who I came up, like
whomever is provoked to anger and doesn't become angry. They're a donkey. Like what do you mean, you just get slapped across the face and you're fine with it? That means you're not alive. You're not human. You have no self respect. You've had you're totally indifferent about even that. Are you alive? Well, man, he took him debates in Elon with a poet says injuries are only knocked felled by dead people. So long as they're alive, the injury is going to hurt an injury is going to provoke a reaction from you. So the issue of anger being there is not the problem at all. A person is allowed to become angry. And Allah placed anger inside of us when He created us meaning, the propensity to
anger, he made us prone to anger to test us, right. How are you going to react? Are you going to contain that natural anger?
And then how will you employ that anger? Because there are two things here. There's natural anger, you need to control that within the balance of Allah Subhanallah everyone's Island, and there's righteous anger. We're not just you're allowed to have it, you should have it angered for Allah. But that also, of course, must be regulated by the boundaries of Allah azza wa jal. As for not becoming angry whatsoever. This is completely alien to human nature and to Islam. Even in the Quran, Allah azza wa jal says about people that he praises that have earned this pleasure. He says what either lovely boohoo me a few rune people that when they become angry, they forgive. So he's not praising
him for not becoming angry. He's praising them for forgiving despite being angry.
So the problem with anger is what if it's natural, and some of it is even righteous anger. The problem is when it comes from Shavon, as we said earlier, usually it's from shame.
When Shavon gets anger to control you, instead of you controlling it, that's when the whole dilemma happens. When anger controls you and consumes you and blocks your ability to be sensible to think with your mind, right now with your emotions, what should I be doing here? what's right and what's wrong here? what's fair and what's fair, what's pleasing to Allah, and what's apt to block your sensibility. That's the problem, when it blocks your ability to be patient, your forbearance to block your ability to deliberate to measure things for the long term to think things through as they say, those are the problem because these are things I love demands from you. So if anger can hijack
these things, shaitan will have put you in a very distant, dangerous place. Because these are what these are MA You know, in Bukhari and Muslim,
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam received a delegation.
And the leader of that delegation was a man by the name of an exchange now that place and the entire delegation rushes to meet the Prophet SAW Salem and their leader was supposed to go first. They represent their chief, they left him behind with the luggage and the animals. They all rushed in forgot protocol. Because the Prophet SAW Selim obviously will make you forget protocol. And so their eagerness to meet rasool Allah cause them to forget the respect that they live by the honor of their chief. Their chief did not steal, he tied up the animals and he took off his clothing and put on nicer clothing, even better protocol, to go see the prophets of Allah Azza wa sallam in cleaner tie
knot to tie a tie you've been traveling with all this time. And so the Messenger of Allah, Allah Azza know this this from him, and he said to him in a fika, Hustla, teeny up boohooman Allah Who and he'll know and adapt it he said, In you are two qualities that Allah loves him his forbearance for you to put up with things that make you angry, forbearance, these people disrespected you they did something that would naturally anger you what you have hidden you showed him and that is deliberation when you sit and think things through what's the best way to behave here. And you're not going to think things through if you're angry, so hate him has to come before Anna forbearance
so that you can deliberate.
So he thought it through it's better for me to wear my best clothing to wash up perhaps and then go see the prophets of Allah Allah he was sending them. So the man was happy. And he said the Rasul Allah
and to holla to be Hema, and Jabba Larry lamb who are they Hema, they also love these two qualities you're talking about? The I practice these, like, did I adopt these consciously? Or Did Allah azza wa jal create me this way? He made me more prone to deliberation more prone to forbearance. And so the prophets of Allah Allah yourself said to him, Ben, Gemma laka nekima No, Allah created you this way. Some people are more prone to anger. Some people don't have that challenge. They will have other challenges certainly don't think you've gotten the short end of the stick. We will all meet somewhere in your testing with a short fuse. Some have a lust for the opposite gender, some cannot
resist wealth and that is their Jihad that is their challenge. So he's telling him no, this one Allah give you a freebie on that one. Allah created you this way with these qualities that he loves forbearance and deliberation. And so he said, Alhamdulillah let the Javelin Allah full letting you hippo whom Allah who also who isn't hungry learner Allah gave me two qualities that him and his best that he and his messenger love. And so when anger sensors, these forbearance, deliberations and sensibility, intellect, this is when it's from straightline. And this is what happens more often than not, especially in today's world. That's why this hope was so important, right? In today's
world that so fast peace, there's so much commotion, there's so much interference, right? There's so much lack of privacy, and there's so much lack of worship, also making our lives God centric, God centered, people will automatically become more angry, we have more angry people. Now this is known and expected because of our lifestyle, less worship, more fast paced, less deliberation, less forbearance, less ability to frustrate to tolerate frustrations, all of that it will uproot the tree of your faith. And plants, among other things, plant the tree called anger. It gets wedged in your life and we just become angry people. That's why Subhan Allah that the wisdom of the Sahaba
understanding this when they read it in the phoron when I came Qunu Rob barely him, dude.
Heartbeat, people that just have the book, you just rush past the verses like mentally slayed. Do not be like their own slave who just rushes past the verses and not takes care of them, not imbibed them in their life adopts them in their life. But the people of God are better humans, people of God truly attached to God, I believe was one of the above widely said about this and what does it mean to people of God? He said two words. On the hood, I imagine we're gonna people that have forbearance, and people that have knowledge, meaning you are contained because of your relationship with God, right, your tree of faith is in there. And so you're contained and you know what Allah
wants, almost like forbearance and deliberation again, to know what you're supposed to be doing. Regardless of the outside circumstances. The opposite. When you don't have a god centric life and you have a fast paced world, it we'll put the tree of anger, when the tree of anger is planted in your life. You can imagine what happens when you're quick to anger. Does anyone divorce his wife except when he's angry? That's like a common joke between all of them. I say that every time someone says my husband divorced me and he said I divorced my wife. We tell them what's happening. He says, but but I was angry. We tell them it. Has anyone ever divorced their wife over a cup of tea? Like
obviously you were angry? Why else did you divorce?
Has anyone ever divorce said they're angry? Do people insult except that they're angry? Do people offend one other and slander? You're angry at someone who just stopped thinking and maybe this and maybe that's all from Trayvon, right? Do people leave Islam they curse at times the dean and the whole and that came with this theme and the one who sent down the Quran because they're angry. Do people kill except because they're angry? Do people lie and cheat except to have leveraged in the conversation because they're angry. All of those sins of the tongue I just mentioned, these are just sour fruits that grow on the tree of anger when the tree of anger gets planted in your heart.
All of it comes from the same place. And that's why our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
called our attention to this, Hey, catch it. He says to us and 100 and our best narrated by the pilot and I didn't move Ron either probably got a Hadoop failure squid, when one of you is angry,
keep smiling. Because once anger gets settled, it just, that's when all those sour fruits come out, you start using your tongue in all these ways that are so destructive, so dangerous. So when you're angry, be silent, he said. And by the way, of course, if you're obligated in Islam, to be silent, when you're angry, so doesn't escalate. You're definitely not allowed to hit someone, not even you're guilty when you're angry. Because if you hit it because you're angry,
you will not stop hitting until you feel a vantage, or until you've done something so damaging that it brings you back to your senses.
And so hitting is not allowed to quencher your agent slam hitting is allowed as a last resort in moderation to discipline not to event yourself. And if you cannot control what you're going to say and words are so likened, the tongue is so easy to move that boneless muscle as they say you can't use it when you're angry, then you definitely cannot use your hands.
And so, this is why we are in salatu salam tied between the the tongue and the anger itself because once that tree is planted ugly sour poisonous fruits continue being spewed out as a result the whole of all the other stuff about all the bodywork.
Have you solid Lucilla watermelon
number
one number than we do whenever you also
and of course once these words when the anger is off contained, and these words come lashing out or may Allah forbid physical ramification manifestations of the anger take place. So many times the damage as people know is either irreversible cannot be repaired or so hard to prepare to repair.
You know, I remember reading that an intelligence father once noticed very early on that his kid has anger problems. And so what he did with him to defuse the situation levers keep loose is temper. He would have him walk out to the end of their property and, and nail a nail into the fence to make sure he went to the end. Every time you lose his temper he would send it on the same task. The walk was the punishment. He says on the first day my son put 38 nails in the fence.
He said and gradually the amount of nails you would put in each day was less than less and less until he finally got
A day when he didn't put any nails in the fence. And so I would tell him for every day, you don't lose your temper, you can go remove one nail from the fence.
He says, By the time the day came that he actually removed everything from the fence. I took him over to the end of our property to the property line. And I said to him, What do you see? You can imagine a fence filled with holes. He said, You undid all of your temper tantrums, you earned that, but were you able to repair the holes in the fence, sometimes your anger will cause you to do damage that you cannot repair. And this is especially true with people and possibly true with Allah subhanho wa Taala sometimes you just blurt things out, you say things you do things and the damage no matter how hard you try, people are not Allah, they will not just forgive you the moment you come
back to them.
And so the damage stays for a very long time. I have cases of children that are traumatized from the religion of their parents from Islam, because of the way they saw their parents, their father treating their mother. Right.
The domestic violence the battery that happened so Islam itself, and then think of the damage that happened in so many relationships outside of marriage and inside all different kinds.
So when the man came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam and he said to them, I was cleaning this is especially for clarity give me an advice call a letterbox don't become angry for Corrado hammer on harder let's have a look. He kept repeating the question like give me more advice, give me more advice. He told them don't become angry. Don't become angry, do not become angry. In the narration of this hadith there's a there's an extra word in the commentary narrated by Ahmed like you know Allah. He this man says it took the advice. He says for Keller to Hina fraud and abuse Allah Allah Allah he was setting them up on Friday the level yet it should not have shown Roku
level. He said when I when he finally refused to give me any more advice, I stopped to think about like, why is he telling me only this? And I realize that this qualities warning me from cautioning me against contains all evil excited.
Why do you think the Prophet SAW Selim didn't give him any more advice, there are so many other Hadith when he tells people that ask him oseni advice, he gives a different advices he wanted this person. And also as well, to know that getting past don't become angry. It's not easy. It's a mission, right? You're not going to go do it overnight. And likewise, I say now, don't think our problem with anger in general, in our generation in our impulsive or compulsive generation is going to be those wonderful people. And I plan in sha Allah to give you doing more. One of them is inspiration on how the early Muslims dealt with anger. Because we kind of identify other human
beings, it's natural, it's an inspiration. It's extremely useful. And the third of them how to deal with angry people with I wanted this whole lot to begin with how to deal with angry mean, my angry self, how to get past that, how to conquer our own anger. The good news is that hamdulillah conquering your anger is certainly possible, because the province also have shown us ways to do it. But it's going to require training, not the football. As he said, I mean, Salatu was Salam enamelware InMobi tandem, or enameled haimo. It's a halal way NEMA sama will tell somebody that you learning, knowledge is through learning, can you say I'm done? I'm sorry, I'm just not a smart
person. No, that's easy way to Karbala let that go. You have to try to learn
what a new machine will be to help them and developing forbearance, the ability to restrain anger that's through practicing forbearance, trying one time and trying again and slipping and messing up and apologizing. And coming back around. We're in number seven with the sample and patience is still training yourself conditioning yourself on patience, and of the tips that he gave us. And with it, I close the hotspot of the tips he gave us on a slot that was set out to get passed to help us in this course in this training course to get past our anger and all the damage it causes for our dunya and our deen number one and it's the other like we said, to seek refuge with Allah from Shyvana Raji
from the crescent shape on, this is the first of them. The second of them we say is do not speak when you're angry. When you become angry. Walk out shut skip, just be silent. Because one word or lethal response, which will step up your anger another level it will escalate. So to be silent.
Number three is for you. If you're standing to sit down, he said I'll insula for a little while.
Fan one from Allah. We're in that for the budget. When one of us stand angry and standing let them sit down change positions or
If de escalate the situation, and this will do away with your anger, he said if it doesn't lay down one time they saw without the above 100 was known to have intense emotions in the middle of a conversation just laid down. Some nurturing sacrilegious, he laid down can imagine talking to someone, all of a sudden, they just they sit down and they lay down, what are you doing? He said, I heard the Prophet SAW sent him say this. This is a man who cared about his hereafter and cared about his relationships that will extend into the Hereafter. This is the person who took this mission seriously. And others say hey, listen, you know, I'm an angry person deal with it. That doesn't
work. The believer that is observed with them among the last day does not sign themselves off of the mission like that. So we said it's the island we said decided we said, if you're standing, sit or lay down, also read about the virtues of restraining your anger and there are so many in the Quran and the Sunnah our problem is all said and said, the strong person is actually the person that restrains their anger, not our wrestles others, he said in another
letter on the public agenda, do not be angry, don't get angry. And for you, it's very nice.
For a person that once they get in states, Allah in his life, that means something, you know, if you're angry and about to do something, and someone's got a gun to your head, you back off, you'd come back, okay, okay. Okay. All right. Don't rescue me. Don't shoot me don't this, right. They believe we should have the offer of gender to be one of those lightbulbs. Okay, definitely worth it. Fine. I'll take the hit. I'll swallow that sour pill, I'll do it. So to realize the virtues of
restraining your anger and also on the flip side of that the dangers of leaving your anger on control.
The last one that I mentioned for this whole book for this whole bunch, ah,
and then something that just people have observed and experience when you find yourself angry. Go look at yourself in the mirror.
You want to recognize yourself, you'll feel like this is not to me, like it's Shavon fear or like who is this guy? Who is this person? Help yourself psych yourself out if you're angry.
As for the other things like the the self righteous prayers and how they dealt with anger, that's next week, a whole bunch off. And of course, it goes all across the board beginning during and after the mission, as our Prophet SAW Selim used to say was no kid. He's on the west coast of
Poland happy filled with our model. And I asked you a true statement to be contained, in my words, whether I'm pleased or whether I'm angry, and we asked Allah azza wa jal to help us with this guide. These guiding principles of Islam help us improve our relationships first with him and with his creation alone, I mean, may Allah make us of those that says statement of truth and judge fairly, whether we are pleased or whether we are angry and then Allah subhana wa Tada bring our hearts together and bring our behavior aligned with the guidance of His prophets of Allah Allah who I do send them along with and then on Hanah among them after that are Hannah hola Muffuletta de novo
Allah Allah subhana wa salam that to the Nina whilst like that to V Nina within as soon as Sudan Dino Super and said that genome Illuminati I know. Also it is Lanois and Muslimeen. Why didn't that shift? Again among macchina I didn't didn't have to say
Lana masala was send them a bar kind of 1100 while he was talking