The Hadees hold a stance on marriage, emphasizing the importance of finding beauty in marriage and avoiding sexual behavior. They also discuss cultural and political changes in India, including the French language used in French marriages and the importance of privacy and respect in marriage. The speaker emphasizes the need for faith in marriage and finding one's own spot in life, while also reminding viewers to share their own experiences with it. They stress the importance of forgiveness in Islam and emphasize the need for everyone to express their opinion and share their experiences.
00:00:04 -->
00:00:10
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala COVID mursaleen Hualalai. He was how he has been
about
00:00:12 -->
00:00:13
my double sisters.
00:00:14 -->
00:00:27
I want to talk to you briefly about the institution of marriage, marriage in Islam. I know it's a
topic of great interest for, especially for those who are not married.
00:00:28 -->
00:00:31
And also for those who are married, and for
00:00:32 -->
00:00:34
different reasons, sometimes the
00:00:36 -->
00:00:44
sometimes the opposite reasons. Anyway, so let's let's look at what the institution of marriage is
in Islam.
00:00:46 -->
00:01:10
I want to begin with the Hadees Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam where he said, the original Bible what
are the Allahu which is in Bukhari and Muslim, but also lies are reported to have said, a woman is
married for four things. And this, of course, also applies to the man, a woman is married for four
things, wealth, family status, which means language, beauty, and religion.
00:01:11 -->
00:01:18
And then he advised and he said, so marry the woman who is religious, otherwise you will be a loser.
00:01:20 -->
00:01:36
So obviously, this tells us that it is legitimate for you to marry somebody on the basis of all of
these things. But primacy must be given to religion. And by religion, I want to be very clear about
that. It just does not mean
00:01:37 -->
00:01:55
Salah it does not mean that it does not mean only hijab. It does not only mean in the case of a man,
the beard and so forth, it means Islam in all its respects, which means a pita, very important. You
marry a person with Rokita and you are buying trouble.
00:01:57 -->
00:02:36
Never fall into the trap of imagining that you can change somebody, either, by all means change. But
don't try to change it by getting married into a family which is wrong or either. Number two, is the
bar that a person who is oriented towards obedience to Allah subhanaw taala General, third, is
mamilla what kind of dealings are with that person. And so when you are in the process of meeting
the family of the bride or the groom, you must keep your eyes and ears open. I tell people, when you
go to meet them, if you go to their house, and you should go to their house and so forth, what
specially for how they treat their servers, what specially for how they treat children, what
00:02:36 -->
00:02:56
especially for how they treat their neighbors, what do the neighbors think about them, all of these
things indicate the character of the people because the way they treat those who have less power or
no power, that is how you will get treated in that house. So be very clear in your mind about who it
is that you are marrying.
00:02:58 -->
00:03:25
mamilla then we look at UCLA. What are the attitudes of the people and it starts from Salah it
starts from Thank you It starts from sorry, it starts from this small things. Like today, we are
plagued today the biggest epidemic of the Muslim world is bad o'clock. And the tragedy is that
people don't even know they are doing wrong things. I mean, it's I can understand somebody who knows
the right thing to do, but wants to be rude to you because he doesn't like your face or whatever the
reason I'm not saying that is a good thing.
00:03:27 -->
00:03:33
But at least the person knows what he's doing wrong. Here. It's like being with animals. I mean, you
know,
00:03:35 -->
00:03:49
it's like it's like not even human beings just like being with with goats and sheep or something,
because they don't even know what they're doing wrong. So it's tragic. I mean, if you tell them if
you if you sort of express your this your displeasure, they don't know is like saying what did I do?
00:03:51 -->
00:04:33
So this is the the tragedy. So when you are going to marry somebody, watch for all these things,
don't just go buy the beauty or go buy, you know, whatever is in your heart. No, it be very clear
because a marriage in Islam is not something that is temporary. It's not something that is you do
every week or something I mean, it's a permanent, inshallah something you get married to somebody
for the rest of your life for the rest of their lives. And therefore it is something which is
serious enough for you to give it complete consideration. So by all means, look for beauty, by all
means look for a person's education, by all means, look for a person who is from your standard of
00:04:33 -->
00:04:59
living, I'm not saying don't marry somebody who's poor, but it's also a reality of life that if you
marry somebody or if you marry into a family, and there's a huge difference between your level and
their level, then I don't mean this in any discriminatory way. But I'm saying that in the rain
reality, it doesn't work. Right. My mother used to say, don't put a brocade patch on a Muslim cloth
right?
00:05:00 -->
00:05:21
He has to say don't put a brocade patch on a machine clock because the brocade the gold will be so
heavy, it will tear it more it will it won't, it won't repair it, it will actually tear it more. So,
this is a very important thing to remember. By all means, think about that as as one of the things,
but the most important of that is the issue of religion which means somebody who has good Akita good
00:05:23 -->
00:06:05
is good in a bar that has no hot is concerned about the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala somebody
who has good maravilla good o'clock and the society and the environment they come from and come
which they live with they have been brought up in is a good environment that environment has an
effect. Yes, you have you will have in the house of fear of around Musa was was brought up, but that
is these are exceptions. These are exceptions, right. I don't think a fair on moussaka. Yeah, um,
jeez, Anthony, if you're on the army Musab, by the way. So also remember that there is yes, it is
possible that you will find this absolute gem of a human being in a house which is full of all kinds
00:06:05 -->
00:06:44
of effort. But that is very unlikely. Very, very unlikely. That's absolutely exceptional thing if it
happens to you, good for you. But if you get fooled into that, which is most of them, that's what's
gonna happen. You find a house you find a family, which is involved in all kinds of stuff, maybe
their income is haram, maybe all kinds of things they do, the sort of, you know, the bed of
disobedience of Allah subhanaw taala, and you are using that your spouse from that family is going
to be among the waters of Olympia, this is fantasy, believe me, this is fantasy. So don't even Don't
even think about that. So the environment that they are brought up in is something which is
00:06:44 -->
00:06:47
extremely critical to, to consider.
00:06:48 -->
00:06:55
As I told you, it's a long term thing. You're not going to get married again next week. So be very
clear in your mind who you're marrying.
00:06:57 -->
00:06:57
Now, he's
00:06:59 -->
00:07:02
also mentioned and this is one of the
00:07:03 -->
00:07:05
rare I had this, which
00:07:06 -->
00:07:18
informed us about he once asked him about the best thing to be treasured. And He is Allah Islam
replied, The tongue in remembrance of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
00:07:20 -->
00:07:56
Right, which is the stung witches. Listen, and Akira, the sun, the tongue, which is involved in the
vicar of Allah subhanaw taala. Also, it means a person who is conscious of Allah subhanaw taala his
presence, you know, in his or her life, which means that a person secondly, he said, the heart which
is filled with thanks to Allah, subhanaw taala digital. And the third thing is that a pious wife,
who helps in virtuous deeds, these three things to be treasured, right, in other hobbies. Now Hassan
said that Allah Subhana, Allah loves a man who wakes up for tahajjud and wakes his wife up.
00:07:58 -->
00:08:03
And he says, Allah loves a woman who wakes up for tahajud and wakes up her husband,
00:08:04 -->
00:08:12
even to the extent of saying that if you if you find that the husband or the wife is difficult to
wake up, then he said, sprinkle some cold water on their face.
00:08:13 -->
00:08:23
Right now, this is the advice of the power seller. And I strongly recommend that you follow it, and
that you do it with wisdom, because
00:08:25 -->
00:08:36
at least have the door open while you do that. So you can beat a hasty retreat, to save your skin
but anyway, but very, very important to have a pious spouse.
00:08:38 -->
00:08:57
Then in another half days and without, notice, Allah Salam said, when one of you seeks a woman in
marriage, and then if he is able to look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so. Now, please
understand is very clearly, this is one of the case and he does he didn't say Look at her with a
niqab with only two eyes showing no,
00:09:00 -->
00:09:24
look at the woman meaning Look at her face, that does not mean that you look at what is not what is
not permissible for you, but to look at the face of the hands is permissible. So to get to marry a
woman to meet her to look at her to talk to her, this is very much not just permissible been
recommended by the professor, by all means, obviously does not mean that the two of you are alone in
a room that is not permissible.
00:09:25 -->
00:09:54
So you look at her you talk to talk to her in the company of people in with, with somebody there who
is married to her. So you can do that, whether it's in their in their home or in a restaurant or
whatever. But make sure that you see the person that you marry the custom that we have in, in our
cultures in many cases where the first time you see your bride is you know after the marriage, when
you are alone in the room. This is not from Islam, this
00:09:55 -->
00:09:57
is not from Islam, right.
00:09:58 -->
00:09:59
Whether at that time you have a place
00:10:00 -->
00:10:04
than a surprise or a nasty shock is immaterial. The point is that this is not from Islam, make sure
that you
00:10:06 -->
00:10:10
talk to the person understand what that person is, and so on and so
00:10:11 -->
00:10:33
on Islamic law, he said, parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom
she or he does not want to marry. And if he or she refuses, then he or she is not being disobedient
towards them, as is the case when he or she does not eat what he or she does not want to eat.
00:10:35 -->
00:10:39
So if you are being forced to marry somebody
00:10:41 -->
00:10:47
who you don't want to marry, then you are free to refuse. And this is not
00:10:48 -->
00:10:51
construed as disobedience to the parents.
00:10:54 -->
00:10:57
Now, another Hadith, which
00:10:59 -->
00:11:09
is quoted by and also it's, it's actually quoted by basava, Delano, and these are these reverse
relates to a lady one of the sabya
00:11:10 -->
00:11:16
alcanza, with the hidden delana. She said, my father married me to his nephew.
00:11:17 -->
00:11:28
And I did not like this match. So I complained to lasala. So first, he said to me, accept what your
father has arranged, I said, I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged. I don't like them,
and
00:11:30 -->
00:11:32
then this marriage is invalid.
00:11:33 -->
00:11:39
He said, that ends the matter. This marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.
00:11:41 -->
00:11:59
So here is a case where the father arranged the marriage, the girl didn't like it, she went to the
cellar, complained to him. Naturally, he advised her to listen to the Father, because that's the
first thing to do. So he said, the father knows, you knows the marriage and so on. So we'll listen
to the Father. She said, No.
00:12:01 -->
00:12:14
I don't want to listen to the Father. I don't want to marry this person. I don't like the person.
Now imagine, here is this girl saying I don't like the person not trying to persuade her. He's not
trying to say, Look, your father is wiser do that nothing. She's I don't like the person that
00:12:15 -->
00:12:16
matters over.
00:12:17 -->
00:12:18
Matter is over.
00:12:19 -->
00:12:24
No, marriage is invalid. He said, Go and marry whoever you are, whoever you like.
00:12:25 -->
00:12:43
This is the level of freedom that is given to women to accept or reject whoever they want to marry,
then this lady, and May Allah to Allah subhanaw taala save us from women. Women are complicated,
believe me. I've been married to one for the last 35 years. And she's not complicated. It is not
that complicated. But
00:12:46 -->
00:12:47
so then she says,
00:12:49 -->
00:12:51
I have accepted what my father has arranged.
00:12:53 -->
00:12:56
Meaning that this marriage is okay. I'm not going to leave the guy.
00:12:57 -->
00:13:05
But I wanted women to know that fathers are no right in their daughters matters. That is they have
no right to force a marriage on them. That is why I came and complained to you.
00:13:08 -->
00:13:22
Because I told you, women are complicated. But anyhow, you can do without them. So understand this.
Never force the girl to marry somebody she doesn't want. And you don't go and marry someone who was
forced to marry you.
00:13:24 -->
00:13:40
Because then your life will become a living * because she's going to take out all that she had
against the father on you. So be very clear about this matter. If she doesn't want to marry you
don't marry her. And that you asked directly face to face. So you are clear what's happening.
00:13:43 -->
00:13:48
In another head is in theory and even Amada, which is a cluster. So he,
00:13:49 -->
00:14:07
in Bioshock, albani rasulillah salam is reported to have said if there comes to you one, and he's
now talking about the, the boys, the men, the rooms, he said, if somebody comes to you with whose
religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter to him.
00:14:09 -->
00:14:12
And he said, if you don't do that corruption will spread in the land.
00:14:13 -->
00:14:27
So now what is he saying here? He's saying here that even if the boy even if the groom is maybe not
well off, maybe he's not the most handsome in the world, or something like that. Now, he's not
saying go and find, you know, poor ugly person? No.
00:14:28 -->
00:14:30
He's saying whatever else might be there.
00:14:32 -->
00:14:57
Choose in favor of character and choose in favor of religious commitment. And in a minute, I'll tell
you why this whole focus on religious commitment, so he said, marry your daughter to him. And I can
tell you in my life I've seen I won't mention the names and so on here, but I know a case where a
very wealthy industrialists very very wealthy industrialists in the 1930s
00:14:59 -->
00:14:59
he
00:15:00 -->
00:15:08
married, he had three daughters, he had no sons, he had three daughters, he married all three of
them, to people who work for him, his employees.
00:15:10 -->
00:15:24
His two boys not not even, he's not talking about marrying them towards some Vice President, those
days, they never had those designation. He married the three daughters that he had two or three
people who worked for him. And all three marriages were hugely successful.
00:15:25 -->
00:15:28
And those three people grew his business
00:15:29 -->
00:16:07
to a level where he probably would not have been able to do that on his own. So obviously, the man
was a phenomenal judge of character. And he picked the right people. And he married I mean, they I
just told you don't marry somebody with a huge difference in social status. But in some cases, that
works brilliantly. Of course, obviously, it takes a lot of maturity and understanding and so on and
so forth. But the whole point i'm saying is that yes, all of these things are important, including
social status and so on and so forth. But what is very critical is religious commitment and
character, these are the two primary things that you must look for, whether it is in the boy or in
00:16:07 -->
00:16:08
the girl either way.
00:16:11 -->
00:16:23
Now, why am I Why did I emphasize on this, it is because of the following thing. Now, you will you
many of you will know that the first is which is decided in the marriage,
00:16:24 -->
00:16:47
in any marriage that you are dead, is the first Ayat of Surah Nisa, where Allah subhanaw taala said
yeah, you are nashotah Cora como la de la kakum mi nuptse wahida wahala chi minh has Olga basa Minh
Houma, Rizal and Casio when is a what the hola hola de la luna Viva La ham in LA LA Cana la comida
Kiba
00:16:49 -->
00:16:58
right now this inala Hakuna Allah Cobra is the is the last part which I want to emphasize on the
whole is of course meaning of it Allah subhanaw
00:17:00 -->
00:17:26
taala Idaho Rob Bakula de la comida. All Mankind have Taqwa of Europe, who created you from a single
person Adam Ali Salaam and from him otherworldy cerami created his wife Ali Salam. And from them
both. He created many men and women and gave and have Taqwa of Allah, through whom you demand your
mutual rights. It De La Hoya Allah de de una de la
00:17:28 -->
00:17:48
and do not get the relation of your kinship of the wombs. And surely Allah is Ever a watcher over
you. Now the reason I have the reason why we focused on character and religious commitment is
because in a marriage, especially when things are going wrong, especially when there are issues,
your final
00:17:51 -->
00:18:28
invocation, your final port of call your final sustenance is Allah subhanaw taala. Now if you
married somebody who has no concern for Allah, if you married somebody who comes from a family which
has no concern for Allah, if you have, if you marry somebody who does not mind disobeying Allah, if
you marry somebody whose family does not mind disobedience of Allah, then how are you going to find
sustenance? When times would become tough? Then you come and say, What was Allah subhanaw taala. As
you know, Fear Allah in the matter. Remember the day of judgment in the matter, they will say which
day of judgment
00:18:30 -->
00:18:35
is not familiar territory for them. Right? And that is the reason why it's very important.
00:18:37 -->
00:18:54
If you marry people who are obedient to Allah subhanaw taala those people will be good to you. Those
people will honor you, those people will respect you. Because they are conscious of Allah subhanho
wa Taala is Allah Hakuna la Kumara Kiba they're conscious of that Allah subhanaw taala is watching
me.
00:18:56 -->
00:19:14
They are doing it to please Allah subhanaw taala gives you a beautiful life as well. But if you
marry somebody who doesn't really care whether Allah subhanaw taala is pleased or not. So they are
disobeying Allah subhanaw taala Then who are you? He has no respect even for Allah. How is he or she
going to have respect for you? Who are you?
00:19:15 -->
00:19:18
So you are good until you please them, but the day you don't please them.
00:19:22 -->
00:19:35
And that's the reason why it is very critical for us as Muslims to have that clear and conscious in
your mind and say that I will marry somebody who is obedient to Allah subhanaw taala
00:19:36 -->
00:19:37
right.
00:19:40 -->
00:19:46
Now, what are the lessons from this ayah number one is the importance of taqwa as the foundation of
life.
00:19:47 -->
00:19:54
That's the first lesson because Allah subhanaw taala said it first. Yeah, you wanna hit taco.
00:19:55 -->
00:19:59
Oh, people have Taqwa of Europe. So Allah
00:20:00 -->
00:20:19
Allah is Allah, Allah subhanaw taala is our sustainer he created to have Taqwa of him to be
concerned about his pleasure, this is the fundamental foundation of life and the fundamental
foundation of marriage. Number two, importance of maintaining blood relations.
00:20:20 -->
00:20:37
Again, very, very critical matter because marriage is all about relationships, and it begins with
the relationship of the womb. So, that is the importance of maintaining deletion. Third thing is the
importance of respecting each other's rights.
00:20:38 -->
00:20:39
Right.
00:20:40 -->
00:20:47
Very important because marriage is not just about satisfying your physical needs.
00:20:49 -->
00:21:05
And this is something which is very clear, very important to emphasize. You have a responsibility
for which you are accountable to Allah subhanho wa Taala. how you treat your spouse is not just a
matter of your will and pleasure, it's a matter of the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala for which
you will be held accountable.
00:21:07 -->
00:21:17
So, importance of each other's rights and respecting them and that's what allows monetizing fear
Allah subhanho wa Taala have Taqwa of Allah subhanho wa Taala, through whom you claim your rights.
00:21:19 -->
00:21:46
What is it that makes a man legal to a woman and a woman legal to a man? It is the pleasure of Allah
subhanaw taala you are performing the Nika In the name of Allah subhanaw taala. That is what makes a
woman who is otherwise not married to you, makes her your wife and vice versa, makes you a husband.
So therefore very important to have Taqwa and also respecting of each other's rights because your
answer will not lie. And finally, in the law had a COVID Akiva, which is
00:21:48 -->
00:21:49
in the law,
00:21:50 -->
00:22:05
which is the importance and being aware of the Presence of Allah subhanaw taala in your life, being
aware of the Presence of Allah subhanaw taala in your life has two major benefits. Number one, it's
a source of great comfort Alhamdulillah by Allah is with me.
00:22:06 -->
00:22:25
So I don't have to fear anything in this life. As long as I'm obedient to Him, I have to fear
nothing in his life. And second one is that it keeps you clean, and it gives you on the right track
because Allah subhanaw taala is watching. So therefore, I'm not going to do something which is
displeasing to Allah, and anything which is immoral, anything which is
00:22:27 -->
00:22:38
in any way harmful to society is this is displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala. So the foundation of
our marriage is obedience to Allah subhanho wa Taala which is what this ayat of Surah Nisa
emphasizes for us.
00:22:40 -->
00:22:41
Now, what is a Muslim marriage?
00:22:42 -->
00:23:24
A Muslim marriage is a marriage between a man and a woman. So important thing to keep that in mind,
first and foremost, first and foremost. And since I'm speaking here, primarily to the men, let me
make this very clear. Now, first of all, it's an act of worship, but only if it is done according to
the Sharia of Islam. Please understand that marriage is an act of worship only if it is done
according to the Sharia of Islam. If you do the marriage in ways which are against the Sharia of
Islam Have you introduce all kinds of customs into the marriage which has nothing to do the shadow
of Islam then it ceases to be an act of worship. It will still be legal if you have done the
00:23:24 -->
00:23:39
marriage if you don't perform nica, I'm not saying it is illegal. But definitely you cannot expect
reward from Allah subhanaw taala for introducing all kinds of practices into a marriage which are
not part of Islam. Number two, a Muslim marriage is simple.
00:23:40 -->
00:23:48
Islam makes Zina complicated and expensive and bad. And it makes marriage easy and simple and good.
00:23:49 -->
00:23:54
Today, we live in a world which is the opposite, where adultery and fornication is very easy.
00:23:55 -->
00:24:02
And marriage has become very complicated. And we have made it complicated. Islam does not make it
complicated. Marriage is very simple.
00:24:04 -->
00:24:27
But we have done the opposite. Instead of simplifying marriages, and therefore obviously,
fornication and adultery, which are evils of society, these become difficult. So even if somebody
wants to go there, it's much more difficult, easier to get married, instead of that we have changed
the order and we suffer as a result of that. So keep the marriage simple. And I will tell you in a
minute what that is.
00:24:28 -->
00:24:40
Introducing of practices into marriage in Islam, not just complicates it, but also incurs the
displeasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
00:24:41 -->
00:24:47
Now Muslim marriage is simple. Therefore if you want to complicate it, you necessarily have to
introduce practices from somewhere else.
00:24:50 -->
00:24:54
What will you do is not in Islamic, Islamic simple. I still remember
00:24:56 -->
00:24:59
a conversation that I overheard, which would have been funny if it wasn't real.
00:25:00 -->
00:25:00
I was
00:25:02 -->
00:25:21
signing up in my gym, in this tunnel over here. And the there were three girls sitting there in the,
in the in the reception, all three of them they work for the, for the gym, one Muslim girl, two
intervals. And the two Hindu girls are talking to each other about the Muslim girl.
00:25:22 -->
00:25:25
And one is saying together, you know, her life is so simple.
00:25:26 -->
00:25:34
Her life is so good, because when she has to get married, there's no problem, the husband will come
and give her money.
00:25:35 -->
00:25:37
And then he will have the party
00:25:38 -->
00:26:02
he will have the dinner, which he will pay for, and he will take her home. In our case, he she takes
the about Hindus, in our case, he says My father has to give a dowry and we have to give presents
and we have to give this we have to do the wedding banquet and all of this, all the burden is on us.
Whereas for her meaning the Muslim girl, there is no burden on her parents. I told you that that
conversation would have been
00:26:03 -->
00:26:05
it would not have been funny.
00:26:06 -->
00:26:20
If it wasn't, you know if they were really talking something which was real. But I found it very
funny because I didn't I didn't laugh but I found it extremely funny because that's the opposite of
what is happening today with Muslim marriages in this country.
00:26:22 -->
00:26:29
Because we have introduced dowry into it. In our city my I tell you, I love the language and I love
our deck and
00:26:30 -->
00:26:40
we have this beautiful way of expressing reality in very descriptive terms in Muslim marriages in in
Hyderabad, as you know, the dowry is called
00:26:43 -->
00:26:46
the price of the horse. So they're buying a horse.
00:26:48 -->
00:26:52
So decide where to sell value or your man or your house. And of course I call it the
00:26:54 -->
00:27:00
price of the donkey. Because I don't think any self respecting horse will want to be bought in order
to get married.
00:27:02 -->
00:27:24
So if you are a horse, you will get a nightmare you won't get a you won't get a marriage. Please
understand this is absolutely shameful, absolutely shameful. How can you as a man take money to get
married? It's so shameful it is not really it's not even funny when I'm being humorous. But believe
me there's no there's no joy in my heart. It's a horrible, horrible, dirty system that we have
incorporated.
00:27:25 -->
00:27:38
Where the bride and the girl and the girl's father the parents, they are expected to spend money and
they are expected to buy you clothes I mean you are a You are a beggar what you're a fucking pig Are
you have no clothes, she has to buy clothes for you.
00:27:40 -->
00:27:44
Absolutely shameful. Have some have some Have some shame.
00:27:46 -->
00:27:53
If you are so poor that you can't even buy own clothes, then you have no right to get married. So
forget about marriage, go take cold showers, right?
00:27:54 -->
00:27:58
give you one if you if you have the means to get married and get married,
00:27:59 -->
00:28:03
it's for you to it's a matter of your dignity is a matter of your pride and confidence for you to
spend money.
00:28:05 -->
00:28:12
So keep it simple. And if you keep it simple, you don't have to spend a lot of money. The Muslim
marriage happens in a Masjid,
00:28:13 -->
00:28:17
which takes the entire process will take all of maybe 25 minutes.
00:28:18 -->
00:28:19
And that's it.
00:28:21 -->
00:28:25
And then you give a Voluma which is you invite family and friends,
00:28:26 -->
00:28:29
your choice how many want to invite, it's not that you have to invite the whole country.
00:28:31 -->
00:28:35
Give them a nice good simple meal. And that's it, what does it cost.
00:28:37 -->
00:28:43
So if you are if you keep it simple, it will be simple, it will be dignified, and it will cost you
next to nothing.
00:28:45 -->
00:28:57
And you will please Allah subhanaw taala and it will be an act of worship for which Allah subhanaw
taala will reward you instead of that now if you introduce our customs and in our customs here, and
different countries have different customs but these ones here.
00:28:59 -->
00:29:04
Guy what is the what what is the the litany of it? Where does it start from? The first one is what
00:29:06 -->
00:29:07
the engagement
00:29:08 -->
00:29:13
this we imported from Christianity because we didn't have it. The engagement whatever that means.
00:29:14 -->
00:29:39
You are making what is haram holiday and you think you're making into law because now they are
engaged so they can meet Who told you that? Who told you that there's no such thing as engagement,
they cannot meet they can meet in order to decide whether they want to get married or not. I told
you that already. chaperones with their family, you can meet you can meet her once, maybe you can
meet her a second time if you want. But this does not mean that you're going to be dating her in
another name.
00:29:40 -->
00:29:48
Right? No, sorry. That is only to decide once you decided I want to get married to you. That's it
until you're Nika you do not meet her again.
00:29:51 -->
00:29:52
So where is the engagement
00:29:53 -->
00:30:00
but you have this engagement you give her a ring you put a ring on the finger which ring what ring?
Which Islam is this. So that's the first
00:30:00 -->
00:30:09
One after that we have in India what is called Amanda and Amanda is where they put honey on this
girl turmeric pests
00:30:11 -->
00:30:15
and they also put some debris based on your face because you are part of that whole thing right?
00:30:17 -->
00:30:25
So I usually tell people I said after that have a masala party and after that have a Michi party so
that you completely marinate nicely and you got a real hot bright
00:30:26 -->
00:30:26
right?
00:30:29 -->
00:30:45
What is this for when it comes to everything has to be yellow. So everyone has wears yellow clothes
and so on and so on. Then there is Bullock ag thing that you got these women and so on will come and
they'll be drums and they will sing all these funny songs and whatnot. And then the groom is there
and all of this data goes on.
00:30:47 -->
00:31:02
Then there's something called satsang which I haven't figured out what what honor that is, but it is
another excuse to get together and have some obedience. So the manga there is logic, then there is
maybe so why they put some more tests on some green stuff, which then leaves off a color that then
this may be
00:31:04 -->
00:31:10
and he hasn't begun yet he hasn't even begun and on all of this right? And then after that there is
the Nika and then of course
00:31:12 -->
00:31:43
Sangeeta Of course I forgot that a new one Sunday. So there's a Sunday there's this actress song and
dance party, literally they have and depending on on how much money you want to spend, you've got
these professional singers or dancers. I know today they are there are marriages where they actually
have choreographed Sangeeta, you got a choreographer from Bollywood, who will come and tell you what
you should wear and how you will dance and what will happen. All Muslim marriages after Muslim
marriages, all of this happens. And after that, you have the actual nikka. Twin this Nick, of
course, everyone is has they spent about 30 minutes, pretending to be pious, and everyone is you
00:31:43 -->
00:32:10
know, the women have dupatta gracefully draped over their heads. And the men put on trophies for
what 20 minutes or so that's about the time that the trophy, the head can take the trophy. And then
they will have the kazi who will come and give the hotbar and everyone sits there and looks very
pious and repentant. And then once that thing is over the body is given his envelope and he
disappears and then the real game begins, which is you will have a
00:32:12 -->
00:32:47
recital and food and ostentation that like you can't believe five kinds of meats and six kinds of
whatnot, whatnot, whatnot, all of that. And then Believe me hasn't ended. Not by a longshot, because
the next day is something called Jyoti. Now it's the happens the day after why it's called Jyoti,
which means for I don't know me, I think they they lose count by them, of how many days have already
gone into that. So, this is a then they have a choti which is one more opportunity to displease
Allah subhanho wa Taala and to you know, to have some more biryani and then after Jyoti, then comes
over.
00:32:49 -->
00:33:28
And then of course after the Voluma, they will have for the next four Fridays, one after the other.
They have Jumanji and Jumanji and Jumanji and Giovanni has a for Juma keys have to be done, all of
which is done at the expense of the bride except for the walima where the groom may give a little
bit of money. And there of course is also the expectation that the bride's father will be decent
enough to fork out quite a lot, a lot of the stuff or it is volunteer and then this when he
volunteers, his offer will be graciously accepted. And then so this is our Muslim wedding in our
great city of Hyderabad and I think this is more or less true now for almost all of India, we are
00:33:28 -->
00:33:46
great teachers, we teach people how to disobey Allah subhanaw taala pretty well, I think this, you
know, and I can give you some names and so forth, which of course I won't. point of the matter is
that all of this stuff, every single day is completely an Islamic completely undignified
00:33:48 -->
00:33:52
and will only incur the the anger of Allah subhanaw taala for you.
00:33:53 -->
00:34:00
Please understand, a marriage is a rite of passage, it is a rite of passage for the man.
00:34:01 -->
00:34:06
And what is the rite of passage, a rite of passage is what decides whether you are a man or not.
00:34:08 -->
00:34:15
So therefore I say to the men, if you want to get married, decide, Are you a man?
00:34:16 -->
00:34:19
Because if you're not a man, then there is no marriage.
00:34:22 -->
00:34:24
Right? If you're not a man, man, how do you get married?
00:34:26 -->
00:34:26
to a woman.
00:34:27 -->
00:34:30
So please make make up. If you are a man, then act like a man.
00:34:31 -->
00:34:34
Act like a man act with dignity, act with confidence.
00:34:36 -->
00:34:39
So what must happen? The rituals number one proposal.
00:34:41 -->
00:34:45
You take a proposal to the family of the bride.
00:34:46 -->
00:34:50
Of course your family can go with you but that's not compulsory. You can go on your own
00:34:51 -->
00:35:00
and propose for the hand of the girl. And this time you're talking to the Father or talking to the
valley whoever is responsible for
00:35:00 -->
00:35:00
A girl.
00:35:02 -->
00:35:03
And you asked for her hand in marriage.
00:35:04 -->
00:35:39
This is your job to do that. Right? Now, if that involves that you go there and you obviously you
don't go there empty handed, you go there with some with some gifts. Now again, this sometimes gets
pushed, now we're talking the other side of the story. Now the boat is on the other foot that were
in many countries, including Middle Eastern countries, many African countries, the boat is on the
other foot. So now when the boy goes to when the groom potential prospective groom goes to ask for
the handle the bride, they expect him to bring presents for the entire family of the of the bride.
00:35:41 -->
00:35:54
And maybe the bride's father has four wives and 34 children. And so therefore, you got a lot of
presents to drive the drive in there with a truck because in that that's the kind of presence you
need. Now, this is both of these extremes are completely wrong.
00:35:56 -->
00:35:59
You are making marriage difficult. And you are making Zina easy.
00:36:00 -->
00:36:19
in both the cases in the in the India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and our subcontinent culture, you make
it tough on the woman in the Middle Eastern culture, you make it tough on the man, both are wrong.
Both Iran marriage is simple, it is dignified, and it is easy on the woman and on the man.
00:36:20 -->
00:36:37
So what must happen, you go and make a proposal, you decide on the matter. And of course, by the day
before before that when you make the proposal then there is a meeting and so forth, you meet the
girl, the girl meets you in the presence of her family, and you decide Yes, this is a person I want
to marry.
00:36:38 -->
00:36:41
And then you talk to the Father, you talk to the
00:36:42 -->
00:37:18
to the family and you decide on the matter. You pay them and you can pay right there, you can pay it
at the time on the nickel itself. And then you have the nikka as I told you do it in a budget, which
is the sadhana. But you can also do it in some other place, which is not a budget. And then you have
a walima which can be on the same day it can be on a day after the only requirement is that you
should have spent the husband and wife should have spent time together alone by themselves without
anybody else, which means together in a room, they should have spent time it is not a requirement of
consummation of marriage is not requirement for walima.
00:37:21 -->
00:37:24
Actual sexual contact is not a requirement for Voluma.
00:37:25 -->
00:38:03
Just being alone with the girl is considered to be conservation of marriage. And this is an
important thing to remember. Because in Islam, Islam recognizes the fact that here is this girl with
a pure character, she has not been around, she's not dated men and so on and so forth. So for her,
it is complete. And of course, obviously, the boy is also supposed to be biased. And he's also
supposed to be somebody who is pure and who has not been around as well. So for them to expect to
expect that as soon as they're in the guys performed that they're both going to jump into bed, it's
completely unrealistic, and it is ridiculous and nobody intends that pressure to be put on them. And
00:38:03 -->
00:38:39
I have seen some cases where actual physical harm happens because of that kind of pressure which
they put on themselves. So be very clear in your mind is no there is no such pressure. As long as
you just spend some time together, by yourself this is considered sufficient. And then you have your
whenever and after that you've got the rest of your life to get to know each other, to make friends
with each other, to have a good life, both physically as well as a good life, spiritually, with each
other hamdulillah all about you. So this is the sequence proposal, mohair nica and walima and the
man spends for all of them.
00:38:40 -->
00:39:02
There is no expense, zero expense on the bride and on the parents of the bride. It is the job of the
man to spend for all of them and as I told you, keep it simple. Don't make it so difficult for the
man to spend that next thing you know the girl is remains unmarried, the man is unmarried and then
May Allah protect us the shaitaan is there to play games with everybody.
00:39:03 -->
00:39:12
And in other cases don't make it so tough on the on the woman that people actually killing their
girl children. They're having abortions if they have children,
00:39:13 -->
00:39:21
because of what they foresee when the girl is ready to get married, is it better to kill her while
she's
00:39:22 -->
00:39:33
in the isn't the womb and this sin collectively comes on the on the society which has created this
very, very dirty system because of which people are
00:39:34 -->
00:39:39
resorting to such thing female infanticide is is very common
00:39:40 -->
00:40:00
in this country to the extent that in this country, and May Allah subhanaw taala bless the
government to pass that law. It is illegal for hospitals and diagnostic centers to tell you the
gender of the child when you get a scan. It's illegal in this country. You cannot be the dude at the
border jail. Why did they have to bring this up before because of this to somehow try to
00:40:00 -->
00:40:10
to stem the tide of female infanticide. And the reason for female infanticide number one top reason
is the dowry system. The daddy system is such a horrible it is not it was never in Islam, we
imported it.
00:40:11 -->
00:40:20
And the people who had it, the Hindus, they are unhappy about it. And so we are also unhappy about
it. They really, really, I mean, instead of we teaching them something, which is good for them and
us.
00:40:21 -->
00:40:27
And I have many innovative idea almost anyone will say this is a lousy system, but we are stuck in
that what do we do?
00:40:29 -->
00:40:44
So seriously, we were sent to show the world how to live, but we have destroyed our own lives, and
we don't show them what they should do. I think it's high time that we should change and I'm saying
this very strongly, because you guys who are not married, it is responsibility on you.
00:40:45 -->
00:41:03
Don't come back and say about what can I do my parents, no parents, there is no obedience to the
slaves in the disobedience of Allah. If your parents the end of the day, please understand this very
clearly. Many times do you hear this story? People listen to all of this. Then when the time of
marriage comes in my Cocker minyama bah bah bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, he
00:41:06 -->
00:41:09
disobeyed me. This obey them.
00:41:10 -->
00:41:16
It is your duty to disobey them. It is your duty to destroy parents who are telling you to disobey
Allah.
00:41:19 -->
00:41:25
The parents do not come before Allah subhanaw taala and his mama Salah. Otherwise you will answer to
Allah Samantha remember that.
00:41:28 -->
00:41:33
There is no obedience to the slave in the disobedience to Allah Subhana Allah, Allah Allah.
00:41:34 -->
00:41:56
If you go against Islamic practices in marriage, you are personally responsible, no matter who you
claim, forced you there is no force. If you say I will not get married, there is no force on the
face of the planet, which can force you to get married. That's all you need to do. You have to
simply say, I'm sorry, I will not get married, if it is not done islamically
00:41:58 -->
00:42:13
let them cry, let them we've let them say what they want. Sorry, I will not get married unless it is
done. islamically. And I know many cases where are hamdulillah. And some of them are my students
from here, who stood up against a lot of family pressure.
00:42:14 -->
00:42:31
They said no, we will not do it. Because we have learned this is wrong. And Alhamdulillah they had
beautiful marriages. Very simple, very dignified. And they are living very happily Alhamdulillah
years later because the Baraka of Allah subhanho wa Taala His pleasure is with them and in their
marriages.
00:42:35 -->
00:42:49
So as I'm saying to very clearly be very clear in your mind, if you as the groom, and if you as the
bride, if you refuse to get married in an Islamic ways, no parent can force you know, nobody can
force you.
00:42:52 -->
00:43:02
But if you want to succumb to that pressure, and then you want to blame it on them, when you stand
before Allah, believe me, that argument doesn't hold water. You are responsible, personally, you are
responsible.
00:43:04 -->
00:43:22
The biggest problem with all of this, and I must say that is the fact that because you are wealthy,
you do these things, and you permit them in your marriages, people who don't have the money, also do
it because they see you as their icons and their leaders.
00:43:23 -->
00:43:46
So you are actually responsible for spreading corruption in the land. Because of you it is
happening. And I know cases where people have borrowed money on interest in order to get their
daughter married according to a certain standard. They are even with that they are nowhere near your
standard. Obviously they don't have that money, but they completely impoverished themselves.
00:43:47 -->
00:43:55
They are borrowing money on interest in order to keep up with you in order to emulate your example.
Now How shameful is that?
00:43:56 -->
00:43:57
How shameful is that?
00:43:59 -->
00:44:31
set a good example. And final point. You not as a bride and groom I told you that already bride and
groom your person responsible you as an invitee, you as a friend of the bride and groom you as a
relative of the bride and groom you as a brother or sister of the bride and groom you as anyone
close to the bride and groom. If you are invited to a wedding which is ostentatious. If you are
invited to a wedding, which has any an Islamic customs in it. Refuse to attend
00:44:32 -->
00:45:00
and tell them why you're not at Don't say I have a stomachache. No you don't have a stomachache. So
my stomach is fine. I will not attend because your wedding is ostentatious. Your wedding has is
rough. Your wedding has non Muslim customs in it. You're Muslim, your wedding is not a Muslim and
Islamic wedding. Your wedding has all kinds of things in it which which which Allah subhanaw taala
doesn't like so I will not attend your wedding. Oh, but you are the brother. Yes, I'm the brother. I
am not breaking my relationship with my
00:45:00 -->
00:45:04
Sister, but I will not participate in what is haram.
00:45:06 -->
00:45:18
Please understand that people will try to blackmail you and they say, oh but you have to maintain
the relation of the womb. The religion of the womb is intact. You're not you're not breaking it by
not attending a haram function in our in a marriage.
00:45:20 -->
00:45:39
You're not breaking relationship, my sister, my sister, no problem. Tamara, she's in trouble I will
help her. But I will not attend a wedding in which Allah is being disobeyed. You are my father, your
mother, I will still obey you. But when you are telling me to do something which is against Allah
subhanho wa Taala Allah comes first you come next.
00:45:41 -->
00:46:02
Be very clear, very clear. Do not attend weddings, which are which are not being conducted according
to the Sharia of Islam. The greatest one of the greatest evils of our society is the amount of
colossal amount of money which is thrown down the drain in ostentatious weddings, and maybe you're
trying to show off to people,
00:46:03 -->
00:46:08
which is schilke which is RAF, which angers Allah subhanaw taala geladeira.
00:46:11 -->
00:46:55
Allah subhanaw taala mentioned is very clearly in Surah Surah Allah subhanaw taala said in Al Baba z
Naka No, Juana shayateen waka Anna shaitan oliviera de fora, Allah said Verily, people who are most
of the people who are Hoopa zerene, people who are spendthrifts, people who spend ostentatiously to
show off these are the brothers of the shaitan they are the brothers of the shatin Cano were really
and truly he one ashati and they are the brothers of charity. And the shaitan is a coffee. The
shaytan is always ungrateful to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now what more
00:46:56 -->
00:46:59
what more warning Do you want
00:47:01 -->
00:47:22
not to indulge in his wrath not to indulge in ostentation Allah subhanaw taala called those people
the brothers of shatta Do you want to be a brother a cheetah? Do you want to be called a brother of
Shambala Samantha. If that is not the case, don't indulge in it. don't participate in it. Don't go.
If people are offended, no problem, please be offended.
00:47:24 -->
00:47:35
Please be offended. No problem. If the father of the bride or the or the father of the husband or
the groom says I'm sorry if you don't agree to this, you cannot marry my daughter Alhamdulillah
Allah saved me right now.
00:47:37 -->
00:47:47
Alhamdulillah Allah saved me right now. And don't get taken in by how beautiful she is and how to
how handsome he is and so on and so forth. Don't get don't get taken in by that.
00:47:50 -->
00:47:53
Tuna he or he or he or sorry, so there is no profit.
00:47:54 -->
00:48:15
Right? Allah will give you better if you leave for the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala. And believe
me doesn't come to that never comes to that if you if you have a backbone. Today we got a most
Muslims have a bone problem. Right? They've got a bone problem. You know what the bone problem, too
much bone in the head and too little bone in the back bone
00:48:17 -->
00:48:17
is the problem.
00:48:20 -->
00:48:22
Too much bone in the head and too little in the backbone.
00:48:23 -->
00:48:27
You need to get some bone in the right board. It's called the backbone. It's not called the back
jelly.
00:48:29 -->
00:48:34
Or the back table. It's called the backbone right? Make it look like a bone. Stand up for what is
Huck
00:48:36 -->
00:48:52
and reduce the amount of bone in the head. You need brain not bone in the head. Right? Please be
very clear. And like all the muscle phenolic all the people who who are ostentatious who spend for
the sake of showing Allah call them the brothers and sisters of shatta.
00:48:54 -->
00:48:58
And also remember, no matter what you do, no matter how much you want to spend,
00:48:59 -->
00:49:01
there's always someone who spends more.
00:49:02 -->
00:49:03
So big deal.
00:49:05 -->
00:49:05
Big deal.
00:49:09 -->
00:49:35
We had a case here in Hyderabad and it happens to us here constantly. We had a case here where
somebody had a wedding and they booked the falaknuma Palace Hotel that his hotel booked the hotel.
So it was oh my god book the whole formula. And then there was a wedding in one of the families
here. And the guy gave his daughter a dowry of 1300 crores
00:49:38 -->
00:49:42
right now believe me the falaknuma Palace doesn't cost 1300 crores to buy.
00:49:45 -->
00:49:47
Forget about booking that for two or three days.
00:49:49 -->
00:49:50
So big deal so what what did you get?
00:49:53 -->
00:49:54
That made some money.
00:49:55 -->
00:49:56
But who are you embracing
00:49:59 -->
00:50:00
Seriously, this is
00:50:00 -->
00:50:02
Your sight and nothing else, your shutter
00:50:06 -->
00:50:21
and what is my dental for saying do not go to his weddings. My delille is the Quran, Allah subhanaw
taala said in zumaia the famous is the second it is so, jam it is so complete. It's got so many
things. And one of the things I said is what
00:50:23 -->
00:51:05
taqwa wa alleles are the one what takala in Allah Harsha de kaap Allah said help one another in
albir and taqwa Where is virtue Where is piety and dukkha is the consciousness of Allah Subhana
Allah to help one another in bear and taqwa and do not help last hour. When I whenever whenever I
mentioned this, I always remind myself and you it was not necessary to say valadao because if Allah
valorizing Tao and Albury taqwa obviously, not to support someone in the opposite is understood.
00:51:06 -->
00:51:28
But when what should be understood is being said clearly, what does it mean? It means it is so
important that Ally's even stating the obvious stating what should be obvious. So Allah is saying
wala tavano lol if me well or the one ism is sin, or the one is transgression, it is rebelliousness.
So Allah says do not
00:51:29 -->
00:51:30
help one another.
00:51:31 -->
00:51:35
One what the hola and have fear of Allah subhanho wa Taala as
00:51:36 -->
00:51:46
displeasure in de la Shadi De Luca, Allah did not say, Allah said in Allah, Masha De Luca, Verily,
Allah subhanaw taala, Severe in punishment.
00:51:47 -->
00:51:59
So if you help one another in sin and transgression, then be prepared for the punishment of Allah
subhanaw taala to descend on your heads. I do not wish that on you please, please understand that
very clearly.
00:52:01 -->
00:52:06
And that's why I say to you, do not begin your life with angering Allah.
00:52:07 -->
00:52:12
Do not begin the life of the of your children by angering Allah
00:52:15 -->
00:52:20
because Nothing good can ever come out of disobedience of Allah subhanaw taala
00:52:22 -->
00:52:59
strictly follow the journey of Islam because only in that there is and the Sharia of Islam is the
Sunnah of Muhammad Rasul Allah is Allah Allah, Allah strictly follow that because in that there is
Allah will reward you and Allah subhanaw taala will protect you and He will give you a children a
beautiful life. Do not disobey Allah subhanho wa Taala della della Lu, don't begin your life as a
bride and groom by disobeying Allah and do not begin the lives of your children as the parents of
the bride and groom by disobeying Allah subhanaw taala if you do that, then be prepared for the
punishment of Allah subhanho wa Taala in your life and in the lives of your children, which you
00:52:59 -->
00:53:02
ruined because of your knifes, nothing else.
00:53:04 -->
00:53:05
Please be very, very clear.
00:53:07 -->
00:53:32
I come therefore, to the eyes of the Quran, where Allah subhanaw taala beautifully mentioned the
marriage and he called it one of his signs. What he said in the room, our Villa Havana shaytani r
rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim wamena T. Kala Kala ko Menon, vusi comas Wada, Lita skoon o la wa
Jalla Bina Kumar,
00:53:34 -->
00:53:39
Ma, in Viva La La, la Lee comi
00:53:42 -->
00:54:11
11 gin and said that among the signs among His Signs among his geladeira among His Signs is this
that he created for you, your mates, your spouse's from amongst yourselves, that you may find repose
in them that you may find tranquility in them, so going in them, and he jela delillo has put between
you love mawatha wahama and mercy verily in that are indeed signs for people who reflect
00:54:12 -->
00:54:40
I submit to Allah subhanaw taala use three words. So coal mawatha and Rama what is so good. So corn
is the absence of movement. So corn as we as we know in the in the Bara, we have these our parish
and Joseph in order, which is so cold in Arabic, we have the macabre and we have so good so cone is
where the letter does not the sound does not move.
00:54:42 -->
00:54:42
There's no IE.
00:54:44 -->
00:54:59
The sound remains pure to that letter. Right now, so go on in terms of the marriage refers to
tranquility and peace and harmony and the lack of movement of the spouse away from his or her
spouse.
00:55:00 -->
00:55:33
So no movement away from the spouse, no movement of the heart, no movement of desire, no movement of
the eyes, no movement of the tongue, no movement of the hands and feet away from your spouse,
complete and total faithfulness to your spouse. This is the fundamental of marriage. And the last
one and I said, this is why this is the sign of philosophy. This is a sign of Allah, Allah. And
Allah subhanaw taala gave it to Lita, schooner, Elijah, so that you may find sukoon with each other.
Second meaning of sukoon is also the environment of the home.
00:55:35 -->
00:56:08
Today, we have made the home into a battleground. So this constant battle between the husband and
the wife to on a daily basis to see who comes out on top. This is not from Islam. The home is
supposed to be a it's like the port. It's like the it's like the harbor ship is on the high seas.
The ship is buffeted by winds, the ship has to face storms in the on the high seas. But once it
comes inside the harbor, it is safe. There's no storm inside the harbor. If there's a storm inside
the harbor, then where does the ship? Where does the ship go?
00:56:10 -->
00:56:23
The home must be the harbor place of tranquility, a place of mutual respect, a place of love, a
place of affection, a place of a place which is beautiful, where you will love to come back to which
you don't want to leave and go.
00:56:24 -->
00:56:39
I'm the law among all the blessings of Allah Subhana Allah and Allah has blessed me in ways that you
can't imagine I'm the most blessed human being on the face of the earth. And I'm most grateful to
Mara and one of the things that he blessed me with is a is a fantastic wife. I've been married for
35 years Mashallah.
00:56:40 -->
00:56:49
And I have a home where you guys know that I don't leave my home for weeks when I'm in Hyderabad.
from my house, I go to the masjid and back to the home I don't even go out of the gate.
00:56:51 -->
00:56:54
Not because I'm a recluse or not because I'm some kind of freak
00:56:56 -->
00:56:59
but because I don't need to go. I don't like to I love my home.
00:57:01 -->
00:57:05
And hamdulillah Allah has given me a beautiful in every respect.
00:57:06 -->
00:57:14
It looks nice, it feels nice. There is warmth in it, there is love in it. There is affection in it,
there is respect in it, there is a desire in it.
00:57:17 -->
00:57:38
And I'm saying this do not because I want to show I'm saying is true because Allah subhanaw taala
isn't mentioned the name of Allah subhanaw taala. And I'm saying it to you just to prove that here
is me, ordinary garden variety human being. event if it happened to me, it happened to you. How does
it happen? by obeying Allah subhanaw taala I did not take one single cent of dowry 35 years ago.
00:57:39 -->
00:57:40
There was huge pressure.
00:57:41 -->
00:57:48
I paid for my entire wedding. And I did that because it was Nika, and there was the one in my class
there was a huge amount to pay.
00:57:53 -->
00:57:53
It is doable.
00:57:55 -->
00:57:56
It is doable.
00:57:59 -->
00:58:04
But you must have the backbone, less born here and more bone in the backbone.
00:58:06 -->
00:58:15
So Allah Allah said, tranquility, the home is made to be a place of tranquility, not to be a
burglar. second word Allah used was mawatha, which is love.
00:58:17 -->
00:58:25
Love his physical love, his emotional love comes out of respect. In Islam, we don't, you might fall
in love. But
00:58:27 -->
00:58:32
I always say that falling is not a great thing. If you don't believe me, stand up and lift up both
your legs
00:58:33 -->
00:58:34
and see what happens right.
00:58:36 -->
00:58:41
Instead of falling in love, grow in love. If you grow in love, then you fall in love every day,
00:58:43 -->
00:58:55
every day of your life. Every single day, you fall in love with your wife every single day you fall
in love with your husband and it grows with time. And that begins with respect. So first of all,
marry somebody who's worthy of respect.
00:58:56 -->
00:59:06
And then get to know the person. be friends with the person, your husband or your wife is your best
friend. Don't spend time with your friends in the in your clubs, spend time at home,
00:59:08 -->
00:59:22
do things together, learn about each other take interest in each other's interests. And if you find
that for example, you are the east and she's the West that's okay. But then let her be the West
Don't try to bring her Don't try to mix oil and water doesn't work.
00:59:24 -->
00:59:35
So it is it is you it is good if you have if you have common interest and even if you do not have
common interest. It doesn't matter as long as you allow the other person to live in their
environment.
00:59:36 -->
00:59:42
For example, I'm a self concept self confessed Philistine. I mean my knowledge of art is like
00:59:43 -->
00:59:44
Zilch.
00:59:45 -->
00:59:52
You know, I look at paintings and so on. So what if it looks nice to me. It's nice to meet you. Nice
to meet you. I mean, I have zero appreciation of
00:59:54 -->
00:59:59
of you know, modern art or whatnot. Right? But my wife is a she's an artist. She's a painter. She
01:00:00 -->
01:00:07
He has a lot of knowledge of art and so on, so forth. So try as much as I want. I cannot bring
myself to be interested in art.
01:00:08 -->
01:00:19
So we are on two opposite ends. I'm very interested in wildlife, nothing, I need the forest
literally, I need a jungle.
01:00:21 -->
01:00:25
So every three months or so unless I'm sitting in the boat somewhere, I am intensely unhappy.
01:00:27 -->
01:00:30
But when my wife Elian is a lion is a lion.
01:00:34 -->
01:01:04
So the last thing in the world she wants is to go in the wish is to go to Google or wherever or
anywhere. Last thing he likes. He doesn't like musk. I mean, I don't love mosquitoes either, but I
don't mind them. Because they come with the lions. But you know, my my point is that two completely
opposite things. But Alhamdulillah she does what she wants, I do what my what I want. And I respect
the right to do that with my right rudeness and so forth. And as I told you, we married for 35 will
be allies, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to keep us together until we meet him inshallah.
01:01:05 -->
01:01:06
See, I mean.
01:01:08 -->
01:01:19
So the point i'm saying is that it is possible even if you do not have interests, which are two are
the same, still to have a beautiful marriage. But that will happen only if you respect one another.
01:01:20 -->
01:01:45
And that's why my principle rule which I which I tell people, as long as your spouse is not doing
something against the Sharia, leave them alone, don't try to run their life for them, don't try to
live their life for them, don't try to control them out of their mind. Wear this, don't wear that do
this, don't do that go here, don't go there No, as long as what they are doing is not against the
Sharia. Leave them alone, give them space.
01:01:47 -->
01:02:02
be super controlling, is a horrible thing. Third matter with love also is trust. So love with
respect, love is also trust. And the way to express this trust, the number one way is sharing of
property.
01:02:05 -->
01:02:12
It's not just a matter of the fact that now she you've got another person in the room, no sharing of
what you have,
01:02:13 -->
01:02:38
freely and openly sharing of what you have. In Islam, there is no concept of joint ownership of
property because if somebody dies, the inheritance laws apply individually on the man and they apply
individually on the woman, if you've got a joint bank account or if you die, who does the money
belong to? So people are deprived. For example, if you die is a joint account, the account still
belongs to the to your wife who's alive. And your inheritors
01:02:40 -->
01:02:47
will not be able to access that money which we should have, they wish they would have had to they
would be entitled to that because it is your money.
01:02:48 -->
01:02:58
Or at least part of it is your money. So the issue of joint ownership is not there it is you must
own your property. The woman has the right to own her property.
01:03:00 -->
01:03:07
Islam does not take away the property of the woman and give and doesn't give it to you. So she has
the right to own her own property and therefore that must be left with her.
01:03:08 -->
01:03:13
There's a famous story of this in the in the Sharia, which is also Hadith, but Abdullah nimasa
Delano,
01:03:15 -->
01:03:27
who is his wife, Zim bozhena, Ilana, and then Elena was very wealthy. And Abdullah Massoud was not
wealthy. So one day then I
01:03:28 -->
01:03:30
asked him, can I give my Zakat to you
01:03:31 -->
01:03:32
to the husband.
01:03:33 -->
01:03:49
Right now you cannot give Zakat to your parents because that's part of your responsibility. You're
supposed to look after them if they need it. You can do is give you a socket to them. But then our
delana she asked Abdullah so can I give my Zakat you Abdullah Massoud said, I don't know.
01:03:50 -->
01:03:57
He said, Go ask the source of Salah. So she said you go and ask on my behalf. He said no. I will not
ask. You won't ask.
01:03:59 -->
01:04:05
He didn't use I will come with you. So you wanna ask? So she went and she is your daughter and she's
Ursula, I'm Xena.
01:04:07 -->
01:04:07
Xena.
01:04:10 -->
01:04:12
So she said the wife of Abdullah muscle.
01:04:13 -->
01:04:33
He said yes. What is it that I can do for you? What What do you want? He said yeah, so like, Can I
give my Zakat to my husband? He said yes. So Islam not only permits the woman to have our own
property, but the woman is permitted to give Zakat to our husband which shows that the woman is not
responsible for the husband.
01:04:35 -->
01:04:43
She can give it means that it is not her responsibility to look after Allah. If you want to give
Zakat to admin she can give if you want to give that same Zakat somebody else you can give that.
01:04:45 -->
01:04:55
So several properties. Therefore in terms of your wife, what is she entitled to from you, which is
her right, which is called Nebraska and Nebraska is
01:04:56 -->
01:05:00
living expenses. NAFTA is not
01:05:00 -->
01:05:01
Do your grocery lists.
01:05:02 -->
01:05:25
People sometimes mistake this they think that I'm giving her money, you know, to go buy bread. No,
that's, that is your responsibility to put food on the table is the responsibility of the man. If
the woman is going to the market to buy that food, she's doing you a favor, it's your job to go and
do that. NAFTA is pure spending money for her and how much how much you get shivers get in keeping
with your level in society.
01:05:27 -->
01:05:52
You can't give a $10 this is that just by that you're borrowing money, no, she must get enough to be
able to maintain her status and her level of financial well being, as your wife, her NACA is a is a
reflection of your Isa in society. And that is her right? When she married you, it became your
responsibility to give her that enough
01:05:54 -->
01:06:03
to not just the mayor, the mayor is the one time payment and that's hers. to do with what she wants,
then, of course, is the continuous payment.
01:06:05 -->
01:06:32
So be very, very clear that must happen and this comes from the trust. Now how you want to give that
and so on and so forth. All of this is up to you, but definitely This is part of your responsibility
as a husband. Last point, in this is the last word which Allah used is the word Rama which is mercy,
which is one of the service of Allah subhanaw taala himself, what is mercy, I Divine Mercy as
returning good for evil.
01:06:33 -->
01:06:42
So returning good for that. Now in the case of marriage, inshallah, hopefully it is not bad, but a
time may come when one of the spouses is unable to fulfill their,
01:06:43 -->
01:06:56
their duties. At that time, what you do at that time, you remember all that past and he said,
Hamdulillah, we had a good marriage. Today something has gone wrong. I'm not going to hold this
against that.
01:06:58 -->
01:07:01
Have mercy. Mercy is the basis of forgiveness which we expect when
01:07:03 -->
01:07:08
we ask Allah for forgiveness. Why? Because he has mercy. If Allah no mercy, you could not have asked
for forgiveness.
01:07:09 -->
01:07:13
Because in terms of other injustice, there is no forgiveness.
01:07:14 -->
01:07:18
In Islam, even Islamic law, even in the case of murder, for example.
01:07:22 -->
01:07:32
In Islam, there is a scope for forgiveness, where the victim's family can actually forgive the
person completely. Or they can take money in lieu of blood.
01:07:35 -->
01:07:43
in regular law, there is no scope of forgiveness, question of establishing guilt, did murder happen
or not murder happened then there has to be a sentencing
01:07:44 -->
01:07:47
there is punishment, because there's no mercy.
01:07:48 -->
01:08:05
In Islam, there is mercy with another's mercy, and in the marriage, Allah subhanaw taala used this
term which is his own quality of mercy, which is the foundation of forgiveness. So respecting one
another, honoring the history that you have forgiving one another. This is from the
01:08:08 -->
01:08:24
from the culture of Islam. So marriage, my brothers and sisters can be a heaven on earth, but only
if you want it and that is for you to decide, do you want your marriage to be a heaven on earth or
not? If you want it, it can be but it will be only if you want it.
01:08:26 -->
01:08:41
And finally, therefore I will end with this da da da sola sola Salam used to make for the spouses
when they got married, where he would say barakallahu luck. Baba coholic with Java Kumar, he
01:08:43 -->
01:08:57
used to say May Allah bless you, and may He send blessings upon you both. And may He unite you both
in that which is good. And this is the Hadees also in Timothy, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to bless
01:08:58 -->
01:09:11
your marriages. We ask Allah to bless the marriages of the Muslims. We ask Allah subhanaw taala
those of you who are married to make your marriages heaven on earth, to remove all the
01:09:13 -->
01:09:22
abrasive abrasiveness from that marriage. And we ask those who are not married We ask Allah subhanaw
taala to give you wonderful spouses who will be a means of you to earn Jana.
01:09:23 -->
01:09:38
Right and never get more smiles than that. For this day, all of the big teeth hamdulillah May Allah
bless you and may Allah subhanaw taala give you spouses that will be a means of both of you to earn
Jana Angela was Allah Allah Allah will Karim Allah Allahu wa sahbihi erotica
