Mirza Yawar Baig – Living Islam – Marriage, Making and Living it #18
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The speakers discuss the customs and practices of marriage in India, including undercovering and dowry bankruptcy. They stress the importance of fulfilling user's desire for marriage and solving problems such as embarrassment and confusion. The speakers also emphasize the need for acceptance of one's religion in relationships and avoiding embarrassment. They stress the importance of bringing gifts to wedding experiences and avoiding pressure from family members to avoid marriage.
AI: Summary ©
Tila Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala shuffelin, Mia will mousseline
Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam de Sleeman, Kathira and cathedra from Abbado, my brothers and sisters, before we
close the series of
these classes on marriage, I must touch upon some of the customs and practices of marriage that are
done and practiced in our
indo Pak region in this appointment, and the data is major reason is of course, because that subcontinent region has
perhaps 300 million Muslims, maybe close to 400 million, which is more than all the Muslims in the rest of the world combined.
And so, what we do and what we permit and allow or disallow has a big impact.
To begin, let me share with you an incident which happened with me, I used to go to where I where I lived in Hyderabad, Mandara hills,
there was a gym, called the walkers.
And
I used to go to the gym. So one day as I walk in there, we had to go and sign in at the counter. There was a Muslim lady who was at the counter. So as I was signing in, she had to have her Hindu friends to Hindu ladies, who are just sort of hanging out with her. So they were sitting on chairs, and I overheard this conversation between those two Hindu girls about this Muslim girl.
So one of them says to the other one,
he says, in low Anca systems of search chai
is cadoola rk is copacetic. A toffee de K is cool. shafiqul
hamara vas dulay Gu hump is a Thera hum Jahaz, Dara Hamada MOBA, Ganga legati
schemata shadowed
subset chat system Gelong guide
to translate. She said, the best system is of these people meaning Muslims.
The groom, the man comes, and he will give her gifts and he will give our money, which is the man and he will marry her and take her home. She says our system meaning the Hindu culture, she says our system we have to give a dowry our parents bankrupt themselves they take they borrow money on interest to get their daughters married, married, and it's a huge burden. So their system is the best.
Believe me when I heard that. It was almost on the tip of my tongue
to tell this lady that I'm sorry, you have a mistaken impression.
I wish it was like what you say.
But of course I didn't say anything. i There's no sense in inserting myself.
So I skipped salah. The point I'm making is
Allah subhanaw taala made the marriage easy and he made zener difficult he put a punishment on Xena and marriage Allah made it easy. And Allah subhanaw taala made marriage a means of higher and baraka for the people.
For those getting married, and for those involved in that marriage, the families
wrestlers are seldom said the best marriage, the most Baraka. The biggest blessing is in a marriage which is the cheapest which is done in the most economical manner. Right? Not a huge, ostentatious
team wedding, a wedding which is done in the most economical manner.
Rather than sisters. There are two things in the context of marriage. Of course, this applies also to everything else. But here we're talking about marriage. There are two things that I want
you to ask yourself and get clear.
First of them is Do we believe that we are going to meet Allah subhanaw taala.
And when we meet Allah subhanaw taala.
It's not a
no agenda meeting. It's not a hypothetical situation. In fact, in reality, I will stand before Allah you will stand before Allah. We will stand alone and we will be questioned about what we did what we chose to do and what we chose not to do. We will be questioned. Now I quit.
What does it mean? It doesn't mean simply question, what did you do? I did this I worship titles. Okay. Thank you Next person no questioning meaning
that that
answer to that question will result in reward or punishment.
Right. Hello Samantha mentioned this very, very clearly Nicola in many places. And this was the thing that stuck in the throat of the Koresh and the Michigan amacher. Is it how is it that we will be resurrected? How is it that we will be brought back to life?
But Allah subhanaw taala said, very clearly Allah subhanaw taala said holy cow fagu molecule Moti levy will kill me. So my Allah because Allah subhanaw taala set to Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam say to them,
that Allah has put multiple mouths, the angel of death
over them as like a guard over them, and he will extract their souls, and he will bring them to us, man.
So this is something to be very, very to satisfy ourselves. The reason I'm saying that is, you might say, well, you know, we are Muslim. So
we are preaching to the choir. No, I'm saying that we each of us needs to get this clear in our minds, and we need to satisfy ourselves, that indeed we believe this. Why do I say that?
Because
the belief is supported by the action.
Simply saying, La ilaha illa Allah by our tongue is not enough.
Allah subhanaw taala mentioned this in the, in the Quran again.
Allah said these these Allah, He said there was a salaam, these tribal Arabs, the Bible, they come and they say, We have brought a man.
Law says Tell them
you have only entered Islam, you have not brought a man.
You have not really believed you have only entered Islam. Your belief will be when you establish Salah when you pray, and when you follow the orders of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam
and you and you and you
express and practice Islam in your whole life, then it will be said that you have believed
not unless not unless. So the first thing for us to understand and very be very clear in our mind is that do we believe that we will stand before Allah? And if the answer is yes, and inshallah The answer is yes. Then the question is, what therefore should I do to make sure that that day I will not be humiliated, I will not be punished I will not be thrown into the fire, that I will be successful meaning I will be forgiven by Allah subhanaw taala and I will be given Jana I make this up all of you.
What must you do? Again, In Islam there is no mystery Allah subhanaw taala mentioned is clearly in the Quran. The ad which we hear in practically every single Juma football anywhere in the world, because it's part of the Muslim called the Battle of the iron there is also selling us Jews in the hotbar for Baraka, this is an for reminder, this is always recited. And what is that I? Allah subhanaw taala said, while my ut la hora Sula, who Faqad fires are frozen Azima Allah said only the one who has obeyed Allah and who has obeyed rasool Allah Azza wa sallam, he is the one who will be who will get who will get final success
for my ut la solo fucka only that person fires
that person will be finally successful meaning he will get eternal success, he will be forgiven, he will be union, who is that person? Only the person to obey Allah and the messages of Lawson.
Now, in the case of marriage, What did Allah subhanaw taala tell us to do? Well, as Amanda said, Follow
salaams example and lots of others told us to follow he told us to keep the marriages to he told us not to engage in a
relationship with the other gender
outside of marriage, so, no, Zina is haram. Fornication is
what is the marriage which is permitted in Islam between a marriage is permitted between a Muslim man and a Muslim woman
right, this is the non
Muslim non Muslim woman.
If
that marriage is done in a way, which is simple, then there is a result of said it will
put Baraka in the life. As I told you, Allah made marriage very simple what is required in a marriage. What is required is for the husband and wife, prospect of husband wife to have agreed for that
husband to pay the math to his wife.
And then for them to have two witnesses to this, of this agreement, this this marriage, they can do it before Accardi. The kasi can do it for them, the mom can do it for them, a civil court can do it for them. Any relative can do it for them, any friend can do it for anybody can do it for them.
And all that is required is that what's called a job uncover which is the offering of the
the husband offering,
you know, to marry. And the lady saying, yes, she think yes, I accept. Or in this case, in the case of marriage, even if she is silent, it is taken as an affirmation.
But she has the right even at that point in time to say no, I'm not interested. No, I will not marry. Right. That's what is required. Now. Therefore, if you are going to stand before Allah subhanaw taala and not be humiliated, then we have to obey Allah and obey His Rasul Allah is
now in the context of marriage and the whole of our lives, what it allows us to do, what is Allah so Allah said, LACOB can Allah confy Rasulillah he was watan Hasina, for whom live in Canada EULA Halima Ashira. With the Corolla cathedra Allah mounted I said, my exact the example of mine abhi Salah salah is the best example for you to follow. Allah subhanaw taala made a blanket statement, best example for whom to follow for everybody to follow. What out of his life, his whole life, every aspect of his life.
For who, for the one who looks forward to the meeting with Allah subhanho data and looks forward to the day of
who will look forward to that one we expect to have a good result.
If you are fearful, then you are fearful because you will not do you didn't do enough to know you're afraid that Allah will punish you but inshallah
a level of all and a level of fear or the punishment almost mantle is very good to have we should have this but by and large if we have been practicing our religion, meaning that if you have not been joining partners with Allah in our worship, if you have not committed any shift if we try to follow the fourth whatever Allah has made compulsory if you've all tried to follow that to the best of our ability, if we stay away from haram, we don't eat haram we don't earn haram we don't do haram
and we focus only on Hala
and we try to follow the Sunnah, the blessed way of a sorcerer Salah in everything in our lives, then inshallah we have,
we will be justified in anticipating a good
ending and a good meeting with Allah subhanaw taala the devil
so as well as Allah subhanaw taala saying therefore, if you are among those who want to who want a good ending on the day of judgment, and you look forward to that meeting with Allah, then make sure that your life is on the path of Muhammad Sallallahu sir, like simplifies matters so much. So now for example, if I want to set up a business, what must I do? I must check and see how it also Elijah salaam do business
did he borrow
a after the coming of the ayat after the afternoon monitor revealed I add to prohibit
interest based borrowing and interest based lending individualism do it or add permit anyone do it? No.
Right.
How do you treat his family? I must treat my family in the same way. How did he conduct a marriage
he conducted the marriage of his own daughter
say the Fatima
Fatima Raja Muhammad the Elana
with Saudi Arabia with olive oil on
the Solar System conducted their marriage. So if I want to conduct the marriage of my son or my daughter
or whoever,
how must I do that? The way Rasul Allah.
How did you do it?
He performed the Nika
and he told and then he handed over his daughter to says an eye for her to go to Ali's house the alarm and he told Alia Delano to do a Voluma
that's it.
Now, the reason I'm saying this too is because what has happened to us, especially in the subcontinent,
this is the
outcome of a slavish mentality
where you take things from outside even though you yourself have is solid, beautiful way
which you should practice for yourself. Allah sent us to teach the world something good. And I began this lecture therefore by telling you what good thinking normal people say about Islam. These were Hindu ladies talking and they said their system Muslim system is the best because it respects the vulva.
But what do we do? Today? I'm ashamed to say this, that we Muslims,
we take dowry. Muslim men seem to have lost all their visa. They've lost their prestige, they've lost their dignity.
They sell themselves like goats or horses or donkeys. How simple is that? When you take a dowry, what does it mean? You're selling yourself?
The buy cattle we don't buy human beings.
Muslim men take dowry, they call it all kinds of names and political account, they get all kinds of stuff.
Believe me, you can fool yourself. You're not fooling Allah subhanaw taala deliver now when
we take down
Muslim men take dowry
Muslim men and their families they
force
the girl and her family to pay money and in some cases, this continues throughout the marriage life.
What beats me is why the girl and her family fall for this trap?
Why they fall for this trap?
Why do you marry your girl to somebody who's asking you for money? Why do you want want to marry a girl to a beggar?
What is the word called somebody who's begging? Is a beggar.
Really ask yourself this question. Let your girl stay at home. She's your daughter.
She will watch you learn she will have a have her own life and inshallah when you find somebody who's worthy of marrying her, then Marissa
who's worthy somebody who comes to you, the way I live in Italy came to us
with dignity
not asking for anything.
So Muslim antic Dari.
Then in the wedding, in the name of the wedding, we have imported customs from all over the place. We have something called Sajak. We have Mandy where the bride is smeared with
many leaves. Right based on many. Then we have mangia where she is mirrored with
a turmeric based
Mangia.
Sahaja medi mangia
and then you have a Sangeeth where you have people singing and so on and so forth.
Then you have the nega.
And then after the nickel you have something called Choti.
And then you have the walima and then four, five Fridays after that you have five or six or seven Jabbawockeez.
And each of these is
accompanied via dinner.
I always tell people, you know has about a billion is it is absolutely fabulous. Right? Well made as about, as far as I'm concerned, there's only 1 billion in the board and that is the hazaribag the billion everything else is an imposter.
You want to eat biryani fantastic, brilliant, eat every day?
Why do you need to introduce customs from all over the place into our beautiful, clean,
economical dignified ceremony of the Nikka?
Just because you want me to be in
it the million no problem.
Similarly, we have imported customs for Province, where without death rights,
what is the what is the right thing to do? When some when a Muslim dies,
you give the jhanas or the body will be at the body.
You wrap it up in a cover in a clean white cloth.
You press up to Janaza which is da na Farah for them.
And then you take them and put them into the grid. That is all.
And then of course you should make dua for them. No problem.
What do we do?
And as soon as I said do it as quickly as possible.
Don't delay.
What do we do?
Because now we have families all over the place. We leave the person who has died, the father, mother, whoever it was
and you put them into the icebox
Waiting for the for this one to come in waiting for that one to come. Then Amazon has said don't wait for anyone let them go and meet the rub
this is the day they have been waiting for Allah will reward them send them send them off
it's an OP which
then when the question of the marriage the the janitor itself comes
you want to cover the janazah with flowers and with embroidered cloth and with all kinds of things written on it and so on and so forth.
Then carrying it to the person to the cemetery, which chanting
and then you put them in the grave
and then on the third day, we have what is called 00 means visiting
wonderful what will happen if the one for whom you're having the zero decides to come and visit you?
Third Day ceremony zero
then 14th Day ceremony Hello.
Then annual, like a birthday day, which is a bursary.
A friend of mine did a funny thing he called he called people he said please come to my place for dinner. It is my jello.
So this is well how can you have a Halloween Salem was done 40 days after a person has died.
He said night jello could be any subset charities was a major challenge we randomized tomorrow we'll have to be he said the gentleman biryani is the taste test. Yes. So I want to be bound to Hello. I'm calling you all
jokes apart. point I'm making is Islam made this so easy.
And so simple.
But we import customs Where do you get all this third third day 20 A day 40 A day annual and so on so forth. These are our local cultural customs in India
which have nothing to do with Islam.
All the the ceremonies that I mentioned to you in the wedding, have nothing to do with Islam. There's only 170 in that whole thing which is the * and then the Oliver other than that everything else
is imported from outside.
This is not part of our Sharia. This is not part of Islam.
The Muslim wedding is do the Nika in the masjid
or if that is not convenient do it anywhere else.
Send the the bride home with the husband
and do the Oliva either same day or next day
after they've had time to be together sexual * is not a requirement.
Just being together Kilwa by themselves without without anybody else there
even if it's a short time, even if it's that hour, two hours doesn't matter that that is sufficient and then the volume is held the purpose of the volume of being so that the community knows people know that these two are married
that's it.
It is so simple.
But we want to import all these tell you what does this tell you? To me it tells me one thing first of all, it tells me that people doing that. They don't really they don't really like their own religion. They are ashamed of their religion. So they want to embellish it. They want some masala
really
as a muslim you are not proud of your culture. As a Muslim, you're not proud of your own tradition. You're not proud of your hobby of your soul. Muhammad Rasulullah Salah
what is the source of this lack of confidence?
Why must you take practices from elsewhere
into your wedding?
When these are not part of the
Sharia not part of our religion.
Please understand, even though the Muslim wedding is a legal agreement,
the fact that you are doing it because this is what Allah subhanaw taala ordered because this is the way that Allah told us to do it. And this is the way that our souls have showed us to do it.
It makes it an act of Eva. It makes it an act of worship.
To add something into the act of worship, is this permissible?
Will you do that with Salah will you do that with zakat? We'll do that with the with the bill
Ramadan with the fasting we will do that with Hajj
all our above that we do not add anything into it we know this is haram to add something into it, then how do you add it into the marriage?
Why do you add it into the marriage? What is wrong with the way Rasulullah saw Selim did the marriage of his daughter.
If you do not think it is wrong, then why don't you do it?
If you think that you are superior to the power seller, oh, I am such a wealthy person. I'm such a famous person. So I can't do it in a simple way like that. I have to do it. embellished
the mela protect you from yourself.
Just so shameful.
Sometimes to add insult to injury.
People also ask this question they say yeah, Guna Kabira HCA Is this a major sin?
And I say to them,
even if this is not a major thing, that question of yours will make it a major sin.
Because by that question, you are saying implicitly, that if it is not a major sin, then I will do it.
Think about this. This is just gross ignorance, complete childbirth.
Major and Minor. The classification of the sins is a matter of Fick.
It is a matter of jurisprudence. And the reason why this dis differentiation has been done is because of the need for prescribing punishments. So obviously, you cannot cut off somebody's head for everything. But you can't chop somebody and everything or you can't flog somebody for everything. So they have classified these into major and minor sins. They say this is a major sin, deliberately leaving Salah ISCO for you or out of Islam. murdering somebody is a major sin.
Zina is a major sin, fornication, adultery is a major sin.
But tell me, what about riba
backbiting Allah subhanaw taala mentioned it in the Quran. In surah Raja, Allah said it is like eating the flesh of your dead brother
is a major sin or not. It's a major sin. What is the punishment for it? There's no punishment. In this world, there is no punishment. The punishment is with Allah, that your good deeds go into the account of that person who you are backbiting
and on the Day of Judgment, you will find your account is empty and that person's account has all your good deeds.
Right.
So just because something is not classified as a major sin or a minor sin
for you to say is it a major sin? If it's a major sin I won't do it if it's a minor one I do it what you're actually saying is I don't care whether Allah subhanaw taala likes or dislikes something I will do it
if it is not within quotes classified as a major by the move teeth by the FDA.
The Saba didn't think like this believe me. When they said Allah does not like
the left it
they left it
in places Allah subhanaw taala said stay away fajita Nemo stay far away from this thing.
People say that but he did not say haram.
So you want to dictate to Allah what is you put in the Quran?
Everyone says sisters please. If you asked this question ever to say is it a major sin or minor sin will make Stefan tawa and ask Allah to forgive you and get some knowledge for example, it is not it is not
cute, to display such gross ignorance.
Disobedience of Allah don't look at the sin. Look at who you are disobeying Allah Akbar.
Allah is the Greatest. So any disobedience of Allah subhanho wa Taala should be treated as a major sin. Because Rasulillah Salam said the sign of a person of Taqwa
is that even the smallest sin, he considers it as if it is a huge rock, which is suspended in the air, and it's about to fall on his head and crashing.
So to avoid that, what does he do instantly, immediately he makes us the quadrant over he repents any US Allah's forgiveness. And also salam said the sign of a person who has no Taqwa
Is that even a major sin? He considers it to be like a fly sitting on his nose and if he just does that, the fly will fly.
To consider any sin to be small.
To consider any sin to is something where in effect you are saying, Oh, it's a small thing. Therefore I will do it is a sign of the app.
Sons of a man.
It's a sign that you have no fear of meeting Allah subhanaw taala on the Day of Judgment,
maybe to ask yourself therefore do I believe that I will meet Allah?
Do you believe that you will die? Do you believe that you will stand before Allah? And when you stand before Allah, do you want to say to Allah Allah You know what, I only did small things.
Yeah, I know you didn't you didn't like it, but who cares?
I did not do the I didn't do the major things. You want to say this to almost
everyone, sisters seriously? Wake up.
Do not start your marriage. Do not start the marriage of your children with doing things to anger Allah subhanaw taala. Ask yourself, do you want their marriage to be beautiful?
To be dignified, to be full of higher and Baraka? Do you want Allah Subhana Allah be pleased with that couple.
And I want this coupled to listen, you are not little kids. If you're not adults, you cannot get married in the first place. The fact that you're getting married means you are adults. Use your authority Use your brains
refuse. Tell your father, mother, whoever is in your family who is ignorant enough to try to force you to do this Toty and venema and mangia Punja and whatnot. Tell them Sorry, no customs which are not from Islam. Islam has only two things Nica ideally in the masjid
and then the bride goes to the husband's house and the walima which the husband will do, it is permissible for the family of the bride to participate in the volume and you can you can have an agreement on that no problem with that.
But the responsibilities of the groom's family to do it.
They can permit the bride's family to participate if they want but it is their responsibility.
Nica is just the nega class, there is no dinner and there is no song and dance after the Nika
Nika in the masjid preferably, if not, you can do it at home or some somewhere else, but ideally in the masjid Baraka, this is the market the beauty.
So, it is your marriage, you are getting married. So you insist on this. Just sorry I will not get married if this is happening. And if there is pressure from one side or the other, believe me, you do not want to marry into a family of somebody
who insists
on disobeying Allah subhanaw taala
take that as a huge warning sign for you from Allah subhanaw taala to say, this is the wrong lady wrong man I'm marrying I will not marry into this family because it is beginning Srimati kirovsky
the beginning itself is bad.
How can that marriage prosper? How Can anything good come out in a marriage?
Do not disobey Allah subhanho wa Taala
Yeah, you're Latina, Armando, taco la hochkar Ducati when at the Mutanda 11 Muslim.
This is one of the one of the ads which is decided as part of the whole band The Manage, oh you will believe fear Allah subhana wa tallas displeasure have Taqwa of Allah as it is right.
And do not die except in a state of complete and total submission to Allah Samantha complete and total submission Islam. People who completely and totally submit do not ask questions like Is this a big sin or a small thing? That is a question that was that that people who are subjected to shaitan will ask
or people who are grossly ignorant will ask whichever the case might be that is not how you want to be.
Will be Allah subhanaw taala follow the Sunnah for Surah Nisa Salah without any changes at hamdulillah Allah gave us a religion which is complete in every respect. It does not need you to add to it or subtract from it or change anything it
Alima Kemal Tula Khan Dena Khumba advam to Aliko Niyati what are the two locomole Islam Medina Allah said I have chosen Islam for you feel the beauty and the glory of this Alhamdulillah I have a religion which Allah chose for me.
And later on this day I have completed by
near my my blessing on you and I have perfected your religion and have chosen Islam for you.
Right and I did not say I left something for two but to complete the piece missing please add it in Allah did not say this.
Now Brothers Sisters reject
every custom in their marriage, which is not from the kita of Allah or the Sunnah processor.
If anyone insists tell them show me data service Ursuline do LD
on Monday, or Mangia.
such as or Jumanji or Choti
for his daughter, did you do this? If he did not do that then tell tell them very clearly that your daughter compared to Fatima to Zara Bella, Bella Anna
is there even a comparison?
Is there even a comparison? You as the father of the daughter
or the father of the son compared to Muhammad Rasul Allah
is that even any comparison?
So, if there was a method which was which Rasul Allah is Allah sunnah, so as the best for his daughter,
the best of all creation and the best among women.
If it was good enough for them
then it is good enough for you. And if you said is not good enough for you, then I have nothing more to say to
ask Allah Subhana Allah to bless your weddings, ask Allah subhanaw taala to make them full of care. Ask Allah subhana data to make them symbols of re living
the culture and the Sunnah of Muhammad Sallallahu ala he values himself
was pretty well it was I remember