Mirza Yawar Baig – Isolation is death #3
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My brothers and sisters,
one more thing I want to say
with regard to,
now the question of homeschooling,
which is what, I spoke to you also
last,
in the last.
And that is
that one thing which I have seen happening
in different countries is
the mothers
take a huge interest
in homeschooling their children, which is fantastic. Absolutely
no problem at all quarrel with that.
But the fathers,
not because they want to,
but this brother's group
is so,
so close
that the fathers are simply relegated to the
role of babysitters.
So while the moms get together to study,
to do discuss
teaching methods and curricular and whatnot,
the
dads have to look after the kids.
And,
so they do babysitting while the mothers are
doing the work. Now
this is highly undesirable. Please understand this very
clearly. Allah
gave us parents.
He didn't give us only mothers or only
fathers. He gave us parents.
And there's a reason for that. The reason
is that just like the mother
plays her role, the father
plays and must play his role.
Children need a
strong
female
as well as a strong male role model
positive role model. They need they need both
both, they need the role models of both
genders. So you need to have a mother
who you look up to and you need
to also have a father you look up
to. Now if that father is, for whatever
reason,
shunted out of the child's life, that child
is going to grow up,
in a lopsided way.
So please
get the fathers included. And I don't want
to don't tell me, oh, I know he's
busy with his work and whatnot. No. No
busy with his work.
We live in a country where I'm sure
all of us have seen this.
In winter
with the with snow and ice,
you see people taking their dogs for a
walker.
Right? Those people are also working. They also
have jobs and everything else. But if you
have your dog, you take it for a
walk. That's your responsibility.
Imagine what that should be with regard to
your child.
You made that baby. You look after that
baby. As simple as that.
So very, very
important,
include
the fathers
in every activity,
including curriculum, including teaching methods, including everything.
Do not shun them off. I always say,
well, what want the babies?
Hire,
babysitting services if you like.
Right?
The older children,
include them. This is another very big problem
that that that we have, which is that
what I call the the jail or the
prison mentality.
Schools are like that and, unfortunately, your homeschooling
seems to be seems to have become like
that, which is that decisions are made for
these little people
by older people without any consultation with them.
So effectively,
you are saying, here are the bunch of
people who are really not capable of thinking,
they're not capable of taking decisions,
and everything has to be decided for them.
And, so that is done. And then you
expect them to come out of the other
end of this tunnel,
being highly,
responsible
and capable
and,
human beings and citizens,
who are accountable for their actions. How is
this gonna happen? Tell me they have never
been given responsibility for themselves or anybody else
throughout their life. They've been sheltered.
People have made decisions for them, everything. And
then you expect them to know how to
decide? No.
Involve them.
Sit with them, involve them. This is part
of instruction. This is part of learning, part
of teaching.
You might say, Well, how can little kids
decide
things for themselves? You will be surprised. Just
try to see. They can decide, they should
decide, and they should be then guided to
decide things in the right way.
I'm not saying just dump everything on them
and say, you'll do whatever you like. No.
By all means, guide them.
But to exclude them completely
from this, it gives them also a sense
of no responsibility.
It it also creates for them a a
mental image of everything is imposed on us
from up on high.
All of this is highly, highly undesirable. Involve
children in education
themselves.
Involve children in teaching and learning. Involve children
in making decisions.
For example, simple decisions of wonders, what should
your day look like? You know, how many
hours of of learning and teaching should you
have?
What kind of breaks should you have in
the breaks?
What kind of games and so on should
you play?
By all means, guide them and say, look,
the way a game must teach you this
and that. So, invent a game.
These are the options, but don't give them
answers. If you are constantly
giving answers, and this is something which we
do all the time, it arises out of
our own fear. We fear what will happen
if we leave them alone. Please understand one
day they will be left alone whether you
like it or not.
You are not going to be holding their
hand throughout their lives, and the day when
they are left alone, then they will be
truly alone
because you have taught them nothing.
You have not taught them anything
or how to take decisions in their lives
and so on. Throughout their lives, decisions have
been taken for them. This is my my
constant complaint about all schooling, not not only
about homeschooling, even regular schooling.
Which school has we have the bottom of
the thing I ask people, I said, do
you have a parent teacher association? They say
yes. I said, why?
They don't understand. Then why do you have
a parent teacher association
when the school is for children?
The school is not for parents. It's not
for teachers. It is supposed to be for
children.
But the children are not involved in any
decision making in the school. What kind of
logic does that make? This is completely and
totally insane and stupid.
So involve children in every single decision. Guide
them, help them to come to come to
conclusions,
but do not give them answers.
Do not give them answers. Have patience. Ask
a question. Leave it with them. Tell them,
brainstorm. Come back with an answer. They will
take time. Initially, they will take time. You
relax,
make the girl, you know, go to sleep,
make them make some coffee or something, but
don't interfere.
Tell them. Let them know that you are
there if they need you, but don't interfere.
Don't put words in their mouth.
Don't how would you like to be fed
food that somebody has chewed and spat out?
Right? Does it does it does it see,
it sounds horrible. Right? That's exactly what we
do with with children with their lives. You
want to chew the food and spit it
out, and you want them to eat that.
Eating regurgitated
stuff is not very nice, so don't do
that. Let them
learn by themselves.
Yes. They will make mistakes. Yes. They will
get hurt, but it won't doesn't kill you
only makes you stronger. So
there's no problem with that. Unless they do
that, they will not learn how to behave
in those circumstances, in those situations.
So involve their children. If they're very small
children, sure, get,
babysitters, put them. But the father should be
involved, mother should be involved, and the children
should be involved in all of these sessions
where you are talking about curriculum and and
timetables and god knows what. All of that
stuff
must be these these three are the critical
elements of that meeting.
If anyone is missing, believe me, your meeting
is worthless.
Your meeting is worthless.
Don't do that.
Change it. Get everyone involved. Sit them down.
I'm telling you, I have seen schools,
IB schools in in, different in a couple
of places
where they do this,
and the results are phenomenal.
This is a school I got visited in
in Ahmedabad in Gujarat,
in India where
they had the the children
were running the cafeteria,
the children were running a newspaper, the children
were running,
they had, you know, all kind of stuff,
all run by the children, all done by
the children of the school.
Beautifully done. Everything fantastic.
Now imagine they're running after after after after
a meaning, they are learning,
budgeting. They are learning spending. They are learning,
sourcing of supplies.
They are they are learning,
to cook and serve food. They are learning
quality control. They are learning
hygiene.
Amazing
they're learning customer service,
all of which are highly useful skills for
them when they go out into the world.
Today, when I see children here, I see
absolutely helpless
20 years old, 20, 20 year olds who
don't know how to speak to people.
They do not have the manners of how
to speak to people,
right? They sit in the masjid,
even in the masjid, the halakat, they sit
in the masjid
back to the wall, holding up the wall
as if the wall will fall down unless
they have their back to it.
Legs
stretched out in front of them.
The same kings,
18, 19, 20,
they go to the gym and they live
dead weights but they can't sit straight with
their back,
in a in a in a respectful,
situation,
respectful manner when they are listening to the
darks of the Quran. They sit there with
their with their legs pointing at the face
of the of the, of the teacher,
of the Sheikh. I mean, how how horrible
is that? And I don't know, where do
we pick up this stuff from? I we
do not see this anywhere except in this
country. Right? I have never seen these people
sitting like this with their legs stuck out
in the Middle East or in or in,
India or in, Bangladesh or in South Africa
or anywhere. Only here.
Same people, same ethnicity, same ABCDs. Right? The
American born, confused this is. It's really, I
mean, the the the the ask yourselves, is
this the kind of,
children we want to we want real with
their children? I mean, the the world what
we are seeing here are are children of
they are our children, meaning children of Muslims.
So please focus on this. Involve the fathers.
Involve the mothers. Involve the children
in all yours your decision making,
with respect to
homeschooling.
And,
as I mentioned, involve also your non Muslim
friends,
non Muslim neighbors and so on.
Go to schools,
you know, invite
them to come and participate in your in
your, activities,
not as a 1 year, you know, annual,
function or annual
get together, but regularly.
And especially,
games and sports are a wonderful place and
a wonderful way,
to learn social skills, socialising,
to learn working on teams, to learn leading
teams,
and all kinds of wonderful things. So please
take advantage of that and do it, and
do not live an isolationist
lifestyle and do not raise children
who,
will get used to an isolationist lifestyle because
then they will become completely maladjusted
as far as society is concerned,
which will which will really be very detrimental
for them throughout their lives. And if you
don't do this, then you will be responsible
for that. We ask Allah
to help us to do that which is
pleasing to Him and to save us from
that which doesn't please Him.