Mirza Yawar Baig – Adaab ul Ikhtilaf – Part 1
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of acceptance and acknowledging one's own opinions in avoiding conflict and breaking the cycle of conflict. They stress the need for acceptance and acknowledgment of one's own emotions and experiences, and advise against using negative language and criticizing anyone for their actions. The speakers also emphasize the importance of humility and avoiding arrogance in resolving conflicts, and stress the need for consideration when selecting a successor.
AI: Summary ©
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in number 11 salatu salam ala alihi wa sahbihi Amara Baba
Angela we are today going to look at one of the perhaps one of the most important
act most important elements of o'clock that are the,
the lack of which is probably the single most important reason for the problems of the Muslims. So, inshallah We ask Allah subhanaw taala to make this beneficial for us, inshallah. Now, I want to begin with one very quick, not a history lesson, but a reminder of our history. And that is that the single biggest event in the history of the Muslim world was the formation of the oma.
And that is the reason why and this is not my opinion. This is what the Sahaba recognized and that is the reason when they decided to create a calendar and Islamic calendar. They did not choose the date of birth of fossilized Salah you might say why they did not choose the date of birth because the date of birth was not
known exactly, there are several different durations. They did not also choose the days of his passing away, which was absolutely there's no doubt about that. And that was recorded and there's no no no difference in duration about that. They didn't choose either of them. They chose the day when Rasul Allah is Allah Salam came to Medina.
Now why did they choose that date?
They chose that date because that was the day of the beginning of the Muslim ummah.
Obviously Rosa Rosa Salaam, the day was when I was
13 years after
he announced his lab and he announced his award. So there were Muslims 13 years, they had been Muslim for 13 years. But the formation of the Muslims as one community,
one faith based community with its own law, and living by that law was only in Medina. in Makkah, the focus was on individuals, practice of Islam, the focus was on doing
on following Islam and trying to do that under some very tough
circumstances.
But the actual creation of the oma happened in Medina and not in Mk.
And that's why they
chose that date, the formation of the oma was not on the basis of race, or on the basis of tribe or culture or nationality or anything, it was on the basis of faith,
brotherhood of faith, we transcended all boundaries.
And do keep in mind that when we say that, that this transcending of boundaries happen at a time, when the boundaries of tribe, the boundaries of family,
the boundaries of line edge, were phenomenally strong.
The boundary of drive was actually the basis of safety of people.
A person who did not belong to any tribe was literally in physical danger. Because he had no support. Anybody could kill him, anybody could take away his, you know, material, they could take away his wealth. He had no social standing, he had no he was nobody. You were you were somebody only if you belong to a particular tribe. And obviously, the stronger the tribe that you belong to, the more safe you were.
It's not like today where, you know, family names and so on. We give it some importance, but it's not a matter of safety. It's not a matter of, you know, life and death for us to belong to this family, or that family is nice to belong to a family with a big name, but it doesn't matter.
Our basis of coming together is different. But this was not the case with the Arabs of the time.
But despite all that, Russell Russell Russell, I'm joined them together in this brotherhood of faith. And the question is, how did he do that?
How did he bring together people
Who had such enormous differences, such enormous basis of division? And he joined them together, and you forged a new identity, which was an identity based on Islam? How did you do that? I submit to you that it's extremely important for us to
think about that, to reflect on it, and to see how we can bring it about today. Because if there is one single
thing that is destroying us, as a people, it is our differences internally. It's not external enemies. It is not islamophobes it is not, you know, anti muslim activity by this one or that one. It is the internal differences, the internal conflicts, the internal problems of Muslims, which we as Muslims find we are unable to solve.
And that has to change.
That has to change. And it's a it's quite literally a matter of survival. It's not, it's no longer a matter of saying that, you know, you must do this is nice for us not a question is literally a matter of survival. If we do not do that, then our situation is only going to go from bad to worse.
Now, what are the critical attitudes to bring about this,
to bring about this kind of,
of bonding, on the basis of, of Islam. This these rules, of course, apply to I'm saying Islam, because we are talking about
is a lecture on Islam. But otherwise, all of these rules apply to any kind of differences, any kind of conflict situations, not only with Islam, so this is good for anyone. Five critical attitudes, number one is respect for each other genuine respect for each other as brothers, as individuals. Number two is respect for the contrary opinion, and opinion, respecting an opinion that is different from your own.
And I'll tell you why that is important. And please understand the words I'm using is not accidental, I think about every single word that I use.
I'm not saying accepting or tolerating, or allowing or no, not a I'm a permit in housing respecting
the contrary opinion, there's a difference between tolerating a contrary opinion.
And respecting and counter is a huge difference between respecting a contrary opinion, and tolerating of an automaton risk tolerance, I'm talking about actually genuinely respecting a contrary opinion, number three, is the ability to dialogue and debate without rancor. Without getting angry without getting emotional without attacking each other. To dialogue and debate, I have a point of view, you have a different point of view, I do not agree with you, but I will treat you I will talk to you with respect and with love and with affection. And I will appreciate the fact that you have taken the trouble to engage with me, in this particular matter, I will not start abusing
you, I will not start,
you know attacking you personally, because you have an opinion different from mine, not because I did anything new. But because I have a different topic. This is our This is unfortunately, our situation today. We attack people personally,
not because they harmed us in any way. But because they happen to have a different take on the world, they happen to have a different opinion. And we feel that Therefore, since you don't have a way of countering the opinion, or you don't have the ability to respect that you start attacking the individual, this is the root cause of our problems. So I'm saying we need to do the opposite of that. Number three. Number four, is the bonds of brotherhood must be unaffected by disagreement. Yes, we disagree. But we are brothers.
Not only a case of saying we are brothers, and if you are in danger, I will lay down your life by life for you forget about laying down your life. I'm saying you and I will sit down and have a meal together, you and I will go to each other's houses. You and I will respect each other's families that this is in Farsi there is a quote it says that I will give my I'm ready to give my life for you. But don't ask me what 10 rupees.
You know, so they we feed that that's not the kind of laying down the life.
One lasagna always in the hazard.
So the point here is that
brotherhood, the bond of brotherhood remains unaffected by the disagreement. And the last one is concern for common good supersedes self interest.
So recommend and take actions and think about what is beneficial for everyone. Even if it is inconvenient for you as a person. This is very, very critically
So if we have these five attitudes, then inshallah we can build that build up, brother.
Finally, the two other things I want to say one is that only when you own the mistake, can you own its solution?
Only when you own the mistake, can you also own its solution? If you don't say if you don't accept this is my mistake.
And if you say it is so and so's fault, then how can you solve it, you can't solve it, because it's not in your control, it's gone out out of your control. So we have to accept that. The reason why we have conflict among the Muslims in the oma is because I am part of that conflict. You might say, Well, you know, I never fought with anybody true, fair enough. You didn't fight with anybody, but you are still part of the country, because you are a Muslim, you are there you have an opinion. And when somebody speaks to you, maybe the way you deal with them, what you do what you don't do.
So we have to accept this is our problem, therefore, we have to solve it. Please understand, nobody else is going to solve it. Because from the perspective, we got two kinds of people, one is those who are not interested. So they are interested, those who are the war your enemies, actually for them, this is good.
For them, this is very good that you have conflicts. And as far as they're concerned, the more conflict you have, the better the better of their, it serves their interest. So if there is anyone who needs to resolve this, it is you and me.
Because it is hurting, who must eat the medicine, the one who's got the headache.
final point is I want to
share this quote with you of Evelyn Beatrice Hall, who said, I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
This quote is actually attributed to several people, but this is the one she will be the lady who actually said it. I disabled will not agree with you, I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. Freedom of speech is the willingness to stand up for a statement that goes against your own belief.
Freedom of speech is not simple design must have freedom to say whatever I want, you will have freedom to say what you want only when you give someone else freedom, or you support their freedom to say whatever they want, which is more than likely the opposite of what you want to say.
So you cannot say I want freedom of speech, but you can't say what you want to say.
You are free to say whatever I approved, that is not freedom of speech. Like understand that. Okay, now, single biggest strength. I'm using a modern example today to illustrate this. Today, the world is not run by politicians, the world is not run by military generals. The world is not run by anyone else, not even by far from far, far from it. It's definitely not run by religious scholars or religious heads of any religion.
The world is run by businessmen. The world is run by financials and bankers. The world is run by the big multinational global multinational corporations. It is for their interests that wars are fought, it is for their interests, that governments put down state policy. Globally, this is the actual situation for anyone who understand anything about politics, you will see this as clear as daylight. Now one of the biggest strengths of the Western corporate culture and I have been in that Western corporate culture now for 35 years. At the highest levels, I consult with the major global corporations, I sit in board meetings, I work with them across the board, their greatest strength is
the deliberate space given to the contrary opinion and the respect with it is treated.
In most global corporations, it is an unwritten rule that if you are tagged as a person who always agrees then your career is going south.
You must be seen as a person who has an opinion, who can push back who can stand up for the minority view.
Who does not just agree with the boss, this is part of your
your your image, which helps you in your career progress.
Not yes when.
When I teach career development, this is one of the things we teach
Use your brains because the whole point is if you are agreeing, if everyone is agreeing on something, then it means that you are not using your brains.
Number two, they do what is called What if analysis? And what if analysis consists of deliberately asking questions against the common the ongoing dialogue.
So, supposing there is a corporate policy This is what we should do marketing of a particular product, then we say if everything if all the assumptions that we have made are wrong then what?
So, deliberately you are forcing yourself to think against your own
point of view. Why do
you do that, because that is what gives you strength
that is what gives you strength
because now you are covering all the bases, you have one line of thinking, but if something goes wrong, you have thought of that also.
Now, this is something which is completely missing in our Muslim institutions, and our Muslim way of thinking.
We do not encourage debate, we do not encourage disagreement. We put down disagreement, we see disagreement as opposition
yes talavera kohan. Mohali fought so much they
still are very Mahalo for the name.
But we treat it like that.
And therefore the key skill is how to disagree without being disagreeable.
How can you disagree? How can you present a different point of view but do that in a way which is polite, which is logical, which is appealing to people?
The basis of brotherhood of faith was faith and not anything else. And that's why I lost Ronald mentioned this in two places the Quran and so for me, I was very interested in the Hugo moto moto wahida wanna Rob boom, fireball dawn, unless a truly this oma of yours is one oma and I am your rub, therefore worship me. So it was talking about the unity with respect to who we worship.
And then in sort of the moment on Allah subhanaw taala said, we're in how the Moto moto wahida wanna rock bokun for takuan same is except for the last one which is different there. It was babylone Here it is. Fatah Hoon, Allah Singh. And verily the Zuma of yours is one Omar and I am your Rob So have my taqwa. The first one relates to a bother. The second one relates to human action. The first one relates to who we worship. And the second one relates to who we obey, and who's
thinking of whom we live our lives. First one relates to Coppola. The second one relates to hupo polybags. First one relates to rites of Allah, second one relates to rights of the people. So by these two is our entire life is completely covered. And what is Allah saying in both the places I am your rub, so that it should be your only focus.
Not anything else, not somebody is difference in any way, focus only on the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Allah subhanaw taala mentioned in Surah Al Hydra about suspicion in this Hadees also
narrated from Roswell Rosa Sallam he said beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the greatest falsehood. Do not try to find fault with each other. Do not spy on one another. Do not vie with one another, which means not compete with one another. Do not envy one another. Do not be angry with one another. Do not turn away from one another and be slaves of Allah, obedient to Allah brothers to one another, as you have been enjoyed.
All of these things create love for each other. And they take away the negative effects of
any conflict.
The rights of brotherhood Rasulullah sallallahu explained in Harrison Bukhari and Muslim and he said a Muslim is the brother of a Muslim.
And therefore what he does him no wrong. Nor does he let him down, nor does he despise him. fear of Allah is here fear of Allah he's here fear of Allah is here. And he is allowed is seldom pointed to is just, it is evil enough that a Muslim should look down on his brother, for every Muslim is sacred to one another. His
Blood, his honor and his property. Allah does not look at your bodies or your forms or your deeds, but he looks at your hearts.
This is the teaching of Islam. As far as
brother brothers Brotherhood is concerned, please notice we are not talking here about this muscle, that muscle, this muscle or that muscle that Salafi Hanafi, Shafi Sufi, no, we're talking about Muslim, everybody as long as he or she has said La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasul Allah, that person is a Muslim and that person is a brother and sister of every other Muslim entitled to all of these rights, as mentioned by Rasulullah, Salah
in total hoodrat
the, which I mentioned to you earlier, Allah said in normal mode we know if watan for us nearby in Hawaii come What up? Oh, la la la contura. Mon, Allah Tara said the believers are brothers in Islam. So make reconciliation between your brothers.
For Ashley, who buy in a house, if you find that there is a conflict between two brothers, intervene, go there, solve it, help them to come together.
Don't just sit and watch. And definitely don't put some more veterans in that. That this is a pastime nowadays, where you take something from here and tell someone and this is haram in Islam. This is absolutely Haram. Now please understand this is equal to murder
to destroy somebody whose honor is worse than killing that person.
And we are glad that you may receive mercy because conflicts destroy brotherhood. Now reconciling conflicts
generated from a Surah Surah Salam who said the doors of the garden which is Jenna are opened on Monday and Thursday. Every Muslim slave who does not associate anything with Allah is forgiven, except for the person who has enmity between him and his brother. It is said leave these two until they have reconciled leave these two until they have reconciled and this is in mothae Malik.
Again reported from Rasul Allah is Allah Salam. Salam said the deeds of people are presented every week on Tuesdays. That is Monday and Thursday. And every believing slave will be granted pardon, except the one in whose heart there is rancor. There is hatred, there is enmity against his brother. And it would be said leave them and put off until they reconcile and this is in, say Muslim.
Brothers, brothers sisters, we have the eyes of Serato. Lisa, with regard to the basis of
the basis of justice, where Allah subhanaw taala said, Yeah, you will live in hamano Kurokawa Amina will face the Shahada, Allah He Walla Walla and fusi come I will validate any wa carabin e con vahanian. Now out of Akira for la ola Bahama fala Tata rojava and da de da, de leeuw out to redo for inala Hakuna Bhima dama Luna sobre la semana de zero you believe, stand out firmly for justice as witnesses to Allah subhanho wa Taala even if it is against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, his close relatives, be that person rich or poor. Allah subhanho wa Taala is a better protector to both of you than yourselves. So do not follow the lust of your heart, lest you may avoid justice.
And if you distort your witness, or refuse to give it Verily Allah subhanaw taala is ever well acquainted with what you do. What is the meaning of standing up for justice even against yourselves? It means to accept that you are wrong.
To bear witness against yourself means to one up and say yes, I was wrong, no matter what it was. And believe me
in studying the sources and conflict management is one of my specialty specialties in consulting.
The root cause of conflicts is the unwillingness to accept mistakes.
And in some of the worst countries in the world today, they have become so bad and so terrible that it's almost you feel like this is never going to end. But you will go to the root cause of that, or it will all it took, or it would have taken at the beginning was just one word to say I'm sorry. This was a mistake.
There would have been no conflict. But then the ego comes into it and you say, No, I'm not I'm not wrong and this other person's fault, and then it builds and builds and builds and builds to the point where you get where now it looks like it's completely in solvable. But believe me, every single conflict in the world,
you name the conflict, and I will tell you how it can be shot. As simple as that every single conflict in the world is solvable, provided, we follow what the Quran has said,
which is that we are willing to own up to our own mistakes. You do not have to be a Muslim for this, believe me, I'm just telling you the Quran said this, but this is what the Quran says applies to all of mankind not only to the Muslims, as long as you and I are willing to own up to our mistakes, there is not a single conflict individual or collective that cannot be resolved.
And the vice and vice versa is true, until you accept that you are wrong, that conflict is never going to be solved. I mean, both are equally true.
So the essential conditions for conflict resolution one is focus only on pleasing Allah subhanaw taala not on your own ego and not on your personal self interest. Does it please Allah subhanaw taala number two, is the genuine desire to resolve the conflict. The problem with most conflicts is that they serve the people who are in it. Today, believe me Why Why are people preaching division? Why are people Muslim people? Why are they preaching hatred?
And they are preaching it and believe me, I don't make no mistake about this.
Somebody sent me a picture of a board at one of the massages in in Hyderabad
where it gives a list of people banned, at least they should the spelling should be right is a B and D D,
B and D band so.
So so and so. So so so so this one, this one, this one,
all of these are banned from these verses.
So is it the house of Allah or is it that person's house where we're building?
It is haram, for a Masjid to prevent a Muslim from coming in there to worship Allah? Absolutely. In a Masjid if they prevent a Muslim from coming into worship, then that image is no longer mushy.
I'm not saying allow them to come and lead the Salah or deliver. No, just somebody wants to come and pray.
And you say no, no, you cannot come because you are at ease or you are barelvi or you are nobody.
You have no business.
You are Shia or Sunni. No. A person a Muslim wants to come and pray in the masjid. No matter what his or her Akita, no matter which mother.
If that is a Masjid, then that individual has the right to come and pray there anyone stopping them comes under the definition in the Quran where Allah subhanaw taala said he cursed the people and he said there are those who come in the way and prevent the Muslims from worshipping Allah Subhana hota.
So very important, focus only on pleasing Allah genuine desire to resolve conflicts, willingness to accept our own fault and forgive others. Some skill in conflict resolution, that's also important. And if you don't have that, get some outsider.
Sometimes it's good to get an external facilitator because the person can be more objective, the less emotion involved. And that means also willingness to seek help, if necessary. Without this conflict resolution is not possible. But with it, definitely any conflict can be resolved. Now accept these facts that conflicts continue because both sides benefit from that conflict situation. This is a harsh reality. Take any conflict in the world, whether it's a conflict between a husband and wife, whether it is Father, Son, whether it is mother, daughter, whether it's daughter in law, mother in law, whether it's a country country, whether it is groups of people in countries, like
take take philosophy into Kashmir, take Syria to Iraq, take Yemen take the conflict that is happening in right now in the Middle East, every single conflict. They continue only for one reason, which is that both sides are in one way or the other, benefiting from that conflict. The moment they decide we really want to solve this conflict, believe me that conflict will vanish it will disappear. There's no way that that conflict will continue provided people are genuinely interested in solving the conflict. Number two, breaking the cycle. We have to understand this breaking that cycle is neither easy nor painless, but it is absolutely essential.
To break free from that cycle, otherwise the conflict will not be resolved.
You have to make that break and this is what it is that it is breaking that cycle. Was it easy? Was it painless? No, it was
very, very painful, very difficult. But they did that they did that dissolve, I did that. And then Allah subhanaw taala opened the doors of success for them. Third one is that harmony will be genuinely beneficial and worth the trouble. This is what we really have to accept.
And that's what I did. It gave them harmony in the place of conflict.
And more people entered Islam after Slavia than they had entered in the many years preceding that.
I want to share with you a
model. There is a book also which I'm suggesting read it's called games people play games people play it is by Eric Bern. It's a book on what we call transactional analysis in psychology TA and it talks about what he calls this triangle which is adult child and parent. These are the three three ego states, the adult ego state, the child, ego state, and the parent ego state. I won't go into the details of that, but the adult ego state is the one that you want to be in which his own responsibility for yourself, as long as you keep saying the statements which are there, which is a You made me do it You hurt me,
you know, got you now all of that, then it means you are in the other two
ego states and that never that never ends, right. So to get into the adult ego state is to say I am responsible for my life. So therefore, now I will take whatever action is required to give me the kind of life that I want.
The formula for making friends also Allah subhanho wa Taala, who taught us and that formula is Allah subhanaw taala said, Allah does the will has another one
is ability.
And what will happen if you do that for either lady by Nick avena, who other than
Ghana, who will even have him
in London, Allah The sobre la caja in a zoo has the Nazim. Allah is also saying for whom it will be easy and for whom it is difficult, Allah said that the good deed and the evil deed are not equal, repel the evil with a good deed repel the evil with one which is better.
And then verily, if you do that, verily between the person who was your enemy between home and you, there was enmity, you will become as well you will have a will you become as very, very close friends. So the not only will the enmity go away, it will or actually change into friendship, provided you do not try to repel evil with evil, but to repel evil with good. So if somebody is doing something to you, somebody is yelling, screaming and cursing you, you don't cause back
to be here with patients who behave with dignity. And then you will find that things will change. And then Allah says, but none is granted this above quality except those who have suffer who are patient, and none is granted that except the owner of the great portion of happiness in the hereafter. Meaning that if you find that you have this character that inshallah This is very good news for you, because Allah is saying that the one who has this kind of character is somebody who will get richer.
Right? So owning responsibility is very important.
What is the method how to resolve conflicts? For things, number one, hear both sides of the story.
This is a very critical thing. Sometimes it is said that if a man comes to you complaining that somebody hates him and blinded him in one eye, and you see that his eye is actually blinded.
So here is the man coming and saying that so and so attacked me and blinded me in one high and you see that his eyes blinded, so there is proof that shows or as an observer even then do not believe him until you see the other person because maybe this man initiated the fight and blinded that one in both eyes.
So you don't know that until you also hear the other side of the story. This is very important. And where we don't do that where we do not hear both sides of the story. We then live to regret that believe me. So number one is listen to both sides of the story and do that objective number two is show what's in it for
W III FM what isn't it for me to both parties? How will resolving this conflict benefit you and benefit you? Number three is be absolutely just and fair and fear Allah subhanaw taala who knows everything, don't try to side with one or the other.
be absolutely objective and fair. And number one, continuously check your own near frequently. Because Saturn plays games, and Japan can make you give a wrong decision, which will backfire on you so very, very important, because as soon as Allison said nothing pleases Japan more than to create conflict between brothers to create conflict between husband and wife, this is the favorite pastime of shatta and he loves it because of the corruption that it spreads in society.
In surah, without solara Sam said,
mama Rolando narrated that said, I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Janda for a man who avoids quarreling, even if he is right. And a house in the middle of Jannah for a person who avoids lying, even as a joke, and a house in the high part of the upper part of Ghana for a man who made his character good.
So this is the importance of patience and of not arguing and fighting.
And that's why I was granted I said, Why does he move we have realized me and voila, this is a Hong Kong from Allah subhanaw taala. Allah said, Hold tight to the rope of Allah subhanho wa Taala and do not be divided. Allah did not say do not disagree. Allah didn't say La,
La La for Rocco. So disagreement is natural disagreement can happen.
disagreement is a sign that the other person is actually committed to the cause. disagreement is a sign that they are using their intelligence. But
differing, and dividing is a different issue.
That's a choice we make. And that's not a choice that we should make. And that's why it's a difference of opinion is not opposition. difference of opinion is actually a sign of commitment.
If Stella McCartney,
Metallica, SelectUSA, Rami of Tel Aviv
jabsco, who's Muslim, he will just be here.
You see the tour stuff, who's Crimea, la Vega may be just be noted, though, up to Santa kateri.
There's no need to disagree with you, I'm not interested in the in the thing. So why should I disagree with so when a person is disagreeing that is a sign that the person is actually interested and the person is taking the time and travel to engage with you. So appreciate that.
Now, we come to I want to give you some examples of how our cell have behaved in this matter.
Because I want to show you that this issue of disagreement or desire or difference of opinion is nothing new difference of opinion existed even with the Sahaba. But let us see what did they do and how they're differing was different are different. Members of Delano used to say, I don't know if he will find this among his good deeds or his bad deeds when somebody went to him and complained about something or asked him a fatwa or something. This was his way where he was saying that this person is wrong. He did not say directly this person is wrong. He would say I don't know whether he will find this among his good deeds or his bad deeds, not because you're not sure of that. But that was
his way of saying it in a software.
family law the law is to say we don't say something is haram, except what Allah called her Rama Nikita
Alhambra or Nigel valenza whereas la morisseau, minimalist a tiny festival,
de
alcohol or intoxicants of any kind, not just alcohol, alcohol, drugs and so on, on intoxicants. The and pork are all big products,
dividing fortune telling all of these vaastu is to and stuff. Gambling, right? All of these things Allah said these are Allah subhanaw taala made them Allah, Allah subhanaw taala called shell Haram.
So you've Alexandra said that whatever Allah subhanaw taala called haram Angela Angela called Xena haram and so on to him is not restricted to the number of cnmc there are some other things but the point being that what Allah subhanaw taala did not call Haram in the, in his GitHub in the in the Quran. Malik said we do not call it haram we give it some other name. We don't say it is a good thing. It's private, but we don't say it is haram because Haram is a very, very serious matter somebody who deliberately does something which is
are annoying it is haram is actually on the water of copper or he has gone into copper. So it is not something which is to be said so, so easily. And today you find that this is the common taqiyya column for many people. This is our app that is our app that is a way for you to say what is Allah? Allah subhanaw taala has said what is haram?
Right? So it's very important that to remember that nobody's received ye. So don't say something haram because no, didn't come to you and give you what he right now.
Whichever hamdulillah and this position of Allah is the position of all the Imam he used to say, I believe I'm correct. He's talking about now, whatever ruling that he may have given, he said, I believe I'm correct, with the possibility of being mistaken.
And I believe that my brother, which is the other person who has a different opinion, he said, I believe my brother's not correct is incorrect, with the possibility of being correct. Now, this does not mean he is not sure of his opinion, he should have his opinion. But he is humble enough to understand that this opinion that I have got is a result of my intellect is a result of my thinking, my logic, my deduction. And I do not know whether this is absolutely correct, because I am not God, I am not God, I am not Allah and not Russell. I'm not receiving Rahim. So I cannot say with absolute certainty, that my way of coming to a conclusion is the only right way No, this is the best that I
know. And therefore if you ask me, what is the position, this is the position, this is the best that I know, in July, right? But somebody else may have a different opinion and maybe that person right?
from a different logic, maybe that person is correct, right.
So that's the reason why it's very important to have humility because humility is a safety net, which prevents us from arrogance and arrogance invites the anger of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
Now for reminders while deferring if you are now we talked about how to resolve conflicts, I will now talk about how to defer how to
you know, differ in a way which is
which is which is inshallah beneficial. Now, one of first and foremost is to remember that difference of opinion, as I mentioned earlier, indicates commitment indicates interest, so therefore, appreciate it. Number two is state your opinion
as your opinion, that don't state your opinion as the truth.
Everything that is expressed is a perspective on something it is not the truth, except what Allah subhanaw taala mentioned in his GitHub and what miserables said for example, La Ilaha, Illa, Allah, that Allah is the only one worthy of worship, is this an opinion? Or is this the truth?
As far as we are concerned, this is the truth is not an opinion. It's not a perspective. It's not how I see things. This is a fact. This is not a question of opinion. But other than that, if there are things that we have to say, must understand, accept that this is our opinion. So say stating something is absolutely correct is wrong. Don't criticize the other person or opinion.
Right, don't, don't use those terms. And last one is state your position, state your perspective, politely and with evidence.
Remember always, that as soon as soon as an upset Allah subhanaw taala will humiliate the person who inserts and humiliate his brother.
Allah subhanaw taala will humiliate the person who insults and humiliates his brother. So brother and sister, just because you have position and power just because you have some wealth and so forth, if you talk to people with with disrespect, believe me, Allah subhanaw taala will humiliate you. And when Allah subhanaw taala wants to believe you, he will humiliate you in your most secure place. There is no escape from the humiliation of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So fear that always
that's why we say knowledge must make us humble.
knowledge that produces arrogance is the knowledge that is Emily's who first Akbar Allah said he made, he was arrogant with his with his knowledge. And always remember that our self, our pious predecessors never maligned each other. There's not one single instance in hundreds of years, where any one of the Sahaba cursed another savvy is no instance of one savvy saying the other one is a Kaffir. There is no instance of one savvy saying that the other one is piety is questionable or is not a good Muslim. And the same thing applies to the debate. The same thing applies after them. No, none of the Imams ever said that some other Imam was not pious.
was not a good Muslim was nothing, nobody ever. I mean, all of this kind of stuff is there is this is a speech of the jehlen. And there were some giant people even in the past, I'm not saying everybody was like that, but they were giant people, they were recognized as giant people, and they were rejected. And the same thing continues today. And therefore, whenever you hear this kind of speech, understand that you're listening to somebody who's giant who's somebody who's ignorant, somebody who doesn't understand and therefore don't pay any attention to them. Anyone who preaches division is a giant, anyone who preaches division is somebody that must not be listened to.
Now,
what must you do in a difference of opinion, number one, separate people from issues differentiate between criticism and critic. If you have an issue, and you are talking about that issue in a critical faction, critical fashion, you are not criticizing the person who expressed that view, you are taking that issue here is the here's the thing, you are dissecting it, you are opening up the thing to see what is what is the problem, you are not attacking the person, make sure your language does not show that as if you are attacking the person number two is conflict. As I've mentioned before, several times conflict shows the willingness to engage, and therefore it is the single most
reliable sign of commitment. So appreciate that. appreciate the fact that the other person is actually interested enough to sit with you and talk to you. Otherwise, it was easier for them to ignore you. And that's why I respect the opponent. Because he is your most constant companion, he is the here's the best companion you have. Because that person is thinking of the same thing that you are thinking. The key thing is to take it to a level where you say how can he and I work together for a solution.
What he does not do is don't criticize the opinion or the person. Don't say what kind of a stupid position is this? What kind of a silly man are you?
Don't do that. Right. Don't be talking about an issue. You're not don't attack the person. Don't say this is a foolish opinion. No, you give you a deli, here is an opinion, my deli is this is
a better way of doing something. So don't even say this is wrong. Right? Don't say silly, shallow, misguided, ignorant, all of these words, is not even necessary to say I don't agree it is not necessary to say this person is wrong, let them they will know. And once you express your opinion, they will know that you don't agree, you don't have to make an announcement I don't agree there's no need for that.
You say Jazakallah thank you very much for your opinion, my opinion is this, this this
that's enough because your opinion obviously is different from that person's and this becomes clear there's no need to
make a statement which is
which seems to be a can be taken as an attack on the other other person I have said here don't show irritation or impatience, I'm not saying don't be irritated because you might be irritated. It's a normal thing. You know, if somebody's saying something in a particular way, you might feel irritated. But don't say that. And if you really feel like oppressed at this particular time and you know, I really can't take this anymore, take a break go have a nice cup of tea or something and come back and and try to resolve it don't stick with that because what will happen is that after a while, you know your own self control will go and then everything falls apart. So don't do that don't don't
push yourself or don't push that thing to that level disengage go and then do what you need to do
to understand very important that critique is not criticism. For example, say if we are debating if we are discussing
the time of Amir Maja delanco and his
succession of years the taking the you know, the the lava from I mean, Bobby, now supposedly we are discussing that. So, obviously in that course of discussion, you will have different opinions. But some people will say this was right, some people will say that is right, and so on and so forth. You have to understand and keep in mind that we are not criticizing
Baba delanco We are not saying he's right, we're not saying is wrong. We are saying we are taking looking at the issue. And we are saying what can we learn from this issue. And deliberately taking this as an example because it's a very in Islamic history. It's a very touchy point. It's a very potentially volatile thing. And most people generally avoid talking about this. Why? Because we don't know how to deal with confidence.
It's always a safe thing is don't talk. But then you'll never learn a lesson either. If you if you are not going to analyze your history, you will not go You are not going to learn a lesson. So same thing applies to anything else. This is not the only place to run this job in many other incidents. So very important. What must you do?
Number one is critical analysis is is different from criticism we are not criticizing, we are critiquing. Number two is three things to be done. Number one is separate a reason from emotion. You have to disengage the emotion. If you are too emotional in that matter if you are feeling too much in the heart, then the best thing to do is take a break and come back when you are more cool added. Number two is logic is different from ego. It's not about you and you know how good you are a valuer. It's a question of logically coming to some conclusions. And number three separate the person from the action
right here is the action. We are not talking about this person or that person, we are saying here is an action. For example, the two come back to the same issue of the succession of yazeed from his father, Baba Delano, we say here is an action in succession
what must take precedence what are the factors to be considered when you are choosing a successor. So you are not now praising anybody or criticizing anybody, you are looking at the issue of succession. Now the issue of succession is a valid issue for us even today. And you don't have to be a halifa for succession I mean your own businesses in your own families. Right in in our organizations, when somebody is in leadership position, what about succession planning, succession planning is a is a live issue every single day.
So if you are considering succession planning,
and the same thing is happening in in most of our Muslim organizations, there is within quartz monarchy of one kind or the other, the son takes over from the leader on what basis
so then how is that any different from you know, working hand in hand handing over to his son.
So it's very important for us to be able to think about that. And that's why the model is we have to change from me versus you, to me plus you versus the problem. So it is not a question of winning or losing. It's a question of
solving a problem here is an issue, how do we solve it? It's not me versus you is not a matter of winning and losing. Now what helps and hinders what helps is genuinely respect for the other person appreciating their commitment active listening to understand them, understand you to be saying this, repeat what the person said, repeat your understanding. Let the person verify whether this is true or not. willingness to change your own opinion, exploring alternatives and looking for mutual benefit, which brings about a win win.
And what hinders is hypocrisy, which is because acting can't be sustained. Closed minds,
not willing to do already come to a conclusion you are not really interested. You're pretending to be in that discussion. That doesn't help. arrogance looking down on others. These people are long and so on. my way or the highway, that kind of thinking doesn't work, lack of patience, anger, you no ego and of course not enough homework. If you want to resolve a situation you have to learn about that situation. That is very, very important. Right?