Maryam Lemu – Unlocking a Successful Marriage Conversations Before Tying the Knot

			Hello, this is Marian Lemo, you are about to listen to an episode from my certified premarital
master class, listen and learn.
		

			Welcome back what to talk about and questions to ask during this period. I'll never forget something
my brother told me, which is that it should always be like the ocean, that the ocean is the largest
mass on Earth. However, it is so humble that it continues to collect from everywhere. And by
collecting, it keeps getting bigger and bigger and deeper and deeper. It collects from the sky, from
the rivers and from the streams. So in this case, I would like you to also ask people whom you
respect, make sure you don't ask someone who's going to misguide you. But ask them for additional
tips on what to talk about and questions to ask during this period, and also what to do. Now
		

			ideally, it is best that your parents or your family members take a significant role or play a
significant role during this period. And the next thing I want you to do is very, very significant.
Though it's not very common in Muslim communities to require this to be done before the marriage.
However, I would like to encourage you to make sure it is done in your case. This reduces the risk
of pain and anguish in the future. And that is to do a blood test to determine not only the genotype
of the person you want to marry, but also their HIV status. The results of this should guide you in
either going forward or calling it off. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that when you find
		

			out the result, the person is not marriage worthy. No. Just go back to that thing I talked about
much earlier, which is what can you live with? And what can you live without. So it's good to know.
So you make the right decision. Now once you have met someone, and you want to go through this
period of the getting to know you face, you need to keep your eyes wide open and ask a ton of
questions, you need to talk about everything except what is inappropriate. Now I caught it in what
is considered today to be very old school or very old fashioned. And actually that is the halal way.
In fact, even the word courting is old fashioned today, what you hear used is dating. Dating
		

			actually is a Western terminology that has a totally different meaning. When you say you date
someone that means you most likely sleeping with them. And I get really nervous with imported lingo.
My parents always insisted that my husband to be an I sit in a public place where people would be
walking through. So we often sat in my parents living room, or I would go over to his sister's house
and we would sit in the living room and people just be walking through. I remember my father saying
to me, never allow she turned to be the third in the room. And make sure no matter what you do that
Allah puts his blessing in your union, by doing the right thing before the wedding. I really really
		

			wanted Allah to bless my union. So I complied. Even though we were tempted on many occasions, to go
to a place that was more private. Now during courtship just I gotta emphasize this, you have to coat
the halal way. So no matter what you do, no physical contact of any kind. Your partner is not your
spouse, well, not yet anyway, no physical contact, try to always have an adult in the room if
possible, or make sure you're in a public place where the risk to control your urges are not going
to be necessary. It reduces temptation, I promise you this. Be careful about the kind of pictures
you take as well, and what kind of images you share. Watch what you write as well be very, very
		

			careful writing explicit messages to the person you want to marry. You do not want to end up
committing Zina of the tongue with seductive things you say to each other during courtship, maybe
via text messages. Do not commit the inner of the eyes by seeing things you shouldn't be seeing,
taking photographs that you may later on regret. Why? Because they may not be the one and then do
not commit they now have the touch center of touch by feeling around places that you know you
shouldn't be feeling. Never ever get into any kind of intimate relationship with someone with the
mistaken belief that they are the one What if they are not? I know in some cultures, actually they
		

			require you to sleep with the person you want to get married and impregnate them before the
marriage. Why? Because they want to know that you are fertile. Do not ever allow culture or
tradition to make you offend Allah. So no looking. No testing, no testing, no feeling around to know
how it feels. So we've talked about what you cannot do. I'd like during the next episode to talk
about what you should do. Join me for that. Did you enjoy this episode? Well, I've created a 72
		

			A video online course just for you. Visit www dot Meriam limu.com Now, did you enjoy this episode?
Well I've created a 72 video online course just for you. Visit www dot Meriam limu.com Now