Maryam Amir – MSA West Workshop Names of Allah

Maryam Amir
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The speakers discuss the importance of accepting and loving one's feelings and finding blessings in one's life. They share stories about struggles with sexual assault, family, privacy, and the importance of forgiveness. The speakers also discuss ways to connect with someone in a language you understand, recite the word that God has revealed, and not be sad when they hear it. They encourage people to learn from the Quran and find success in life.

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			Gracious, the Most Merciful with
the name of God, the loving with
		
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			the name of God, the One who
protects with the name of God, the
		
00:00:06 --> 00:00:10
			One who forgives with the name of
God, the One who is Forever,
		
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			forever, forever, accepting of
every single one of us whenever we
		
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			turn back to him, those are not
necessarily God's names, but due
		
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			to all actions that he does upon
him. With Tada today, Inshallah,
		
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			what I'd like to do is share a
little bit of my journey to God.
		
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			When I first started coming to
him, I was so excited. I started
		
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			reading the Quran in the English
translation, and I felt like every
		
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			time I read it, I connected to it.
I felt like things would happen at
		
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			school, and then I'd go home and
open the Quran, and I'd close
		
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			Christ and pick a random page, and
all of a sudden, Allah's talking
		
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			to me. And I felt so personally,
personally connected to him, and I
		
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			felt love, and I felt hope. And I
decided that because of that
		
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			relationship, I wanted to study
Islam really seriously and study
		
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			it more. And so the more that I
studied, the more that I attended
		
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			lectures, the more that I attended
the masjid, the more the messages
		
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			that I started hearing about
Allah, were those related to one
		
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			day you're going to die and all of
your sins are going to come to
		
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			you, and are you here to meet your
queen? All of a sudden, the
		
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			messages that I received were, it
doesn't matter how much you're
		
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			trying, you're not trying. The
messages that I started receiving
		
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			were, youth in America. You're so
messed up these days, the fitna,
		
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			they are fitna. Everything that
I've heard that I felt connected
		
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			to Allah's panel trial and
connecting to him based on love,
		
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			based on hope, based on this
awareness of him, because I wanted
		
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			to be close to him, those messages
started turning to guilt, to
		
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			shame, to terrified, terrified,
being terrified of Allah's
		
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			punishment. And has my
relationship started turning from
		
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			one where I got close to him to
one where I feared him. I started
		
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			having trouble being able to
connect to him in a way where I
		
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			felt like I was worthy. And it
doesn't mean that I'm worthy right
		
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			now. It doesn't mean that any of
us can be worthy of God, but what
		
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			it means is that instead of
feeling like he is listening to
		
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			me, I started feeling like I don't
deserve to be listened to. Nod
		
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			your heads if some of those
messages that I just mentioned,
		
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			the ones that you've heard before,
		
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			what I like to do is take three
minutes. I'm going to ask you to
		
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			speak to the people around you and
tell me some of the main messages
		
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			that you've heard, tell people
around me the messages you pray.
		
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			I'm going to walk around and make
sure every person is talking to
		
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			someone or listening to someone.
Inshallah, we're going to do that
		
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			for three minutes, and I'm going
to ask you to come back and hear
		
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			some of the things that you
personally have experienced or
		
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			work in your communities. And then
we're going to talk about loving
		
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			God. Inshallah, you ready to go?
Yeah? 3210,
		
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			Bishan, up, Go. You
		
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			Who'd like to start share with me,
yes,
		
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			can You pass this back so we can
hear?
		
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			Just pass it
		
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			back. Well, kind of had
		
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			a deeper concept that we were
talking about, how in Christian
		
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			belief, there's this idea that if
you say, believe in Jesus, no
		
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			matter how much you sin or how
much value, will always definitely
		
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			go to heaven. We were talking
Islamically. Is that applicable as
		
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			well?
		
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			We were saying how a lot of
Muslims are saying, no matter how
		
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			much you sin, as well as you
believe in the shahada and believe
		
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			in everything
		
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			teaches that you can guarantee
you're
		
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			kind of saying, is that actually
true to this core, to say what
		
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			God's judgment is? Maybe you can
believe in the shadow. You can
		
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			believe in everything that's going
to teach it. But what if you're a
		
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			horrible person to such an extent
that maybe God does that's a great
		
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			it's a great question and a great
point. We'll talk about that until
		
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			at the very end. Thank you so much
for bringing it up. For bringing
		
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			it up. Jezek, okay, thanks,
Mashallah.
		
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			Next The next hand yes in the
back. Thank you for sending the
		
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			mic up
		
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			while we wait. We're gonna say
subhanallah. SubhanAllah.
		
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			SubhanAllah. Get those trees
impaired. So one thing I talked
		
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			about with my friend Shah
		
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			is that a lot of times when you go
to talks, his mom will focus on
		
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			the punishments
		
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			way more than
		
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			and we thought that was something
that definitely people under your
		
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			machine pushes
		
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			you further
		
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			away versus
		
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			like a message, thank you. Does
that call a fair? Raise your hand
		
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			if you've had that experience as
well. Yeah, it's a lot of people.
		
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			Thank you for sharing the bottle
of Fico. Does that call a fair?
		
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			Okay, let's get another one in the
middle, right there. Oh, sorry,
		
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			did you have that back there?
Yeah, go for it. Sorry, then we'll
		
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			go to you.
		
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			Inshallah, my bad.
		
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			Someone grab the mic. So
		
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			I think it's also part of like our
generation has heard
		
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			about if you're a pet, you repent,
you
		
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			will be forgiven. But we haven't
talked specifically, like how hard
		
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			repentance is, how hard that is
going to like that psychological
		
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			issue and just like what you did
with wrong like going through that
		
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			whole process and coming to
forgiveness, and you forgiving
		
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			yourself, that's so beautiful,
especially the part of you
		
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			forgiving yourself? Bottle of
fear, Mashallah.
		
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			Nobody on that side, on this side,
yeah in the back over there,
		
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			we talked about
		
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			the fixation on outwardly sins,
and how when you see someone who
		
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			does something it shouldn't be,
it's automatically that just one
		
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			and done, there's no way for you
to connect with God and put so
		
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			much
		
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			the students, so much about the
individual, right. And I think
		
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			specifically growing up, there was
such a big
		
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			emphasis on how you look on
outside of this, right? No
		
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			personal or internal growth. So
it's all about the image you
		
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			project to other people versus
what's going on in your heart.
		
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			There's no balance between the
two. Thank you. Does that go?
		
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			Okay? Let's get one more person
right here in the middle left,
		
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			right
		
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			here. I here,
		
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			may Allah bless you for taking the
mic all around May Allah bless
		
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			you. What we really
		
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			talked about was,
		
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			you really want to know Allah, you
can look at the 99 games, and I'll
		
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			just call each
		
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			other mercy. You know one of his
names the Most Merciful. And you
		
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			know His mercy is infinite. And
when you walk to a love, he runs.
		
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			We talked about establishing our
loving relationship, and you want
		
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			to be with me. Does that call a
fan? May Allah bless us with that
		
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			religion.
		
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			Okay?
		
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			I also like our talked about,
like, sort of acceptance and
		
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			specificity. Personally for me, I
think, like our Muslim
		
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			communities, while we want to be
accepting, I feel like we have to
		
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			also realize what the problems are
and accept them and face them. And
		
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			I think like for the Muslim youth,
we need to stop this entire idea
		
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			of judging one another and
assuming what is the right Muslim
		
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			and what is not the right Muslim,
like this. You can't expect
		
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			someone to be exactly perfect, and
everyone is always improving. And
		
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			I think judging someone without
knowing them first is like most of
		
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			the time,
		
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			the last two brothers Inshallah,
and
		
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			then what we'll do inshallah is
for like 30 seconds, everyone who
		
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			wanted to say something can just
talk at the same time. We're gonna
		
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			hear all of your opinions
Inshallah, everybody. I'm so sorry
		
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			that we didn't actually get to get
to everyone. Yeah,
		
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			and that is a message that will be
getting our local message.
		
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			Anyways, that example, if you want
to go to Umrah, or if you want to
		
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			have the financial capability,
they have the
		
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			intention. It's like he did it.
		
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			Allah rewards you just for the
intention of having, having
		
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			intended to do it beautiful.
		
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			That's a really important thing.
Beautiful. Thank you. And the last
		
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			one is that the same group, okay,
thank you may Allah bless
		
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			everything we want to
		
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			do the our group discussed, like,
how, like, drama, like, I heard
		
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			this thing where they said that,
oh, just because you don't pray,
		
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			or you have some flaws that, Oh,
you shouldn't wear the hijab,
		
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			like, because you have faults in
that, just, take off in hijab,
		
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			because Right, right, you're not
worthy because you have mistakes.
		
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			You're not worthy of carrying what
Islam looks like to other people.
		
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			So true, so unfortunate. Does that
call up here? Thank you so much.
		
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			That was great. I love hearing
your feedback. Let's talk about
		
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			some of the messaging in terms of
what Allah had and what Tala
		
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			Himself tells us. We know that
Allah is so incredible and he is
		
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			so close to us without us even
knowing him. But have we thought
		
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			about how loving he is really, in
the way that he describes his
		
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			love? Allah SWT, one of his name's
God Almighty is Ella Wahab. And
		
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			there's just no reason translating
this, but we're just going to say
		
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			the the giver of love, or the
loving one, the loving one. So he
		
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			is in times in our lives. Can you
think of one time in your life
		
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			where you can think of a quality
of something that you've been
		
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			given to from, sorry, this came
out, really awkward. Can you think
		
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			of a time where Allah gave you
something because he's so loving.
		
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			What's one example of that?
Anything that comes to the top of
		
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			your head, sorry,
		
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			life, that's a good one.
		
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			That's what we can all lead to.
What's another way
		
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			family? But for some people,
families, a test for other people,
		
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			families a blessing. And even in
lessons, there are tests that in
		
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			you that come that's every person
has a different experience with
		
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			that. What else?
		
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			Food. Cats having food. So many
people will have food.
		
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			Okay? You said worship, right?
		
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			Tuition,
		
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			paying tuition can be a form of
worship, and then once you pay it,
		
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			it may still give you money for
food, then all elsewhere, towels
		
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			really bless you to everything
away. All right, what about things
		
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			in your life that actually seemed
like they were a huge non
		
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			blessing, but a few years later,
you realized that they were a
		
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			gift. Has that ever happened to
you? Can someone give us an
		
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			example?
		
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			Oh, sorry, getting into a school,
yes, getting into a different
		
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			school than when you guys, can I
tell you a story? I'm gonna tell
		
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			you Sorry. So when I went to the
undergrad, I didn't want to go to
		
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			the under, I was gonna say I
didn't want to go there, but long
		
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			story short, I ended up going
there for a different reason. So I
		
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			went to San Jose State, and I
taught a lot my husband. His name
		
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			is Alma. He didn't want to go to
UCI, but he ended up going to UCI.
		
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			And because he went to UCI, and
because I went to San Jose State,
		
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			our island states, throughout the
state West, ended up working
		
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			together on a bunch of different
things. And he's
		
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			going to San Jose State. Going to
UCI was the reason that we
		
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			actually met each other. And
happened to that. Because of that,
		
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			we've been blessed until the
female married almost eight years.
		
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			But that happened. We have
everybody. We love us. All you
		
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			want to get married is the most
amazing person, the best every
		
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			day. And if you don't want to get
married, we all love us. Who is
		
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			better? And if you don't want to
get married, if you do want to.
		
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			Maybe not sure, I'm just saying,
but
		
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			the point is, the point is that
		
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			somehow I didn't see the blessing
in it until years later when I
		
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			realized that that thing that I
didn't want, Allah opened the
		
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			doors for me just because he knew
what was better in my future.
		
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			Think about the mom of Musa
alainia. So Moses' mom, she has a
		
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			baby boy who's born in a time
where baby boys are being
		
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			slaughtered, right in and of
itself. I mean, she didn't have,
		
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			like, an ultrasound to find out
what gender she had. She hasn't
		
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			even realized that it's a boy, and
these boys are being killed. So
		
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			when she has this boy, and she's
terrified of what's gonna happen
		
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			to her. She's it's revealed her
that she should put him in a box
		
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			and put him in a river. Now, if
you you know how many of you have
		
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			a sibling, or likely the young kid
in your life that you love, like
		
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			sometimes you might get frustrated
with them, but like, you're not
		
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			necessarily thinking, I'm gonna go
to a river and put in a box,
		
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			right? Like you might be
frustrated, but we still love
		
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			them. But this is a mother, and so
she she follows this command. She
		
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			puts him in that box. He goes down
the river, and Musa Ali Salam is
		
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			taken where
		
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			exactly to where she's trying to
get to protect him from he's
		
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			literally taken into the home of
the person who is conglomerated
		
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			every single baby boy now I mean,
does it look like he's being
		
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			protected? It looks like he's
going to be executed? Like, look
		
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			where he's going to how many times
in our lives have we felt like,
		
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			why is Omaha doing this? God
forbid that we have that thought.
		
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			But sometimes it comes, what is
the wisdom in this? What did I do
		
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			wrong? How many of you have
wondered thoughts like that. But
		
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			look at what happens. Musa mother
and all kind of talent talks about
		
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			her heart like becoming empty. He
the one who made it first that she
		
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			can be be firm in this test, and
in the end, he brought her back.
		
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			Musa alayhi salam, but now he's
there with the protection of the
		
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			state. Now he is back, and she is
the one who's providing him the
		
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			milk she's nursing him, but also
the palace is providing her with a
		
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			stipend for taking care of him. So
not only does he come back with
		
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			security, knowing that she doesn't
have to hide him anymore, that he
		
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			won't be killed, but also she's
paid for taking care of her own
		
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			son. So in the beginning, it
looked like one of the worst
		
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			misfortunes that happened in her
life. But in the end, look at what
		
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			the giver. Look at what the giver
of gifts given over and over and
		
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			over. Not only did you protect her
son, but He brought her back to
		
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			her in complete protection. How
many of you have been through an
		
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			experience that you want to share
right now? Let's take three people
		
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			where something like that has
happened right here. Yes, I
		
00:17:52 --> 00:17:55
			converted the school year off, and
that's when I converted,
		
00:17:56 --> 00:17:59
			and I made go out to, like, see if
I wanted to go back to school,
		
00:17:59 --> 00:18:01
			because it was I was, like, a
completely different person there.
		
00:18:01 --> 00:18:04
			Or if I wanted to just continue
to, like, work and not be in
		
00:18:04 --> 00:18:09
			school and like, so, kind of,
like, the doors to everything else
		
00:18:09 --> 00:18:12
			closed and like, it turned out
that I just enough money to go
		
00:18:12 --> 00:18:16
			back to school and that, like,
magnetic the admission office,
		
00:18:16 --> 00:18:19
			like, decided that okay, like, you
can come back without needing to
		
00:18:19 --> 00:18:22
			reapply. Just like, the doors
completely open, and it was really
		
00:18:22 --> 00:18:25
			hard to get for me, because I
wasn't assuming challenge in my
		
00:18:25 --> 00:18:28
			son. And I was like, why am I
here? And like, it's so hard now.
		
00:18:28 --> 00:18:32
			Like, I took my hijab I don't
understand, and then, like, by the
		
00:18:32 --> 00:18:35
			end of the year, in the summer, I
was wearing my hijab again, like
		
00:18:35 --> 00:18:39
			100 and like, I realized that I
needed to come back to school to
		
00:18:39 --> 00:18:43
			be a stronger skill, because it
was easy for me at first, and like
		
00:18:43 --> 00:18:46
			now, like, I can be a Muslim
amongst non Muslims and like,
		
00:18:57 --> 00:18:58
			wear my hijab.
		
00:19:00 --> 00:19:01
			I love
		
00:19:02 --> 00:19:02
			myself.
		
00:19:04 --> 00:19:05
			So
		
00:19:07 --> 00:19:09
			when I was about nine years old,
		
00:19:10 --> 00:19:15
			my parents made a decision for me
that said, go to the fourth grade
		
00:19:15 --> 00:19:18
			Canada, you know. And I thought I
was a pretty good kid growing
		
00:19:19 --> 00:19:20
			up
		
00:19:21 --> 00:19:24
			trouble, but I was was being
punished. You know, being so far
		
00:19:24 --> 00:19:26
			away from our folks and being at a
		
00:19:28 --> 00:19:31
			all boys and abusive wasn't
something I was especially excited
		
00:19:31 --> 00:19:36
			for, but looking back on it, those
are probably some of the best
		
00:19:36 --> 00:19:40
			years of my life, you know. And so
I definitely recognize that now,
		
00:19:40 --> 00:19:42
			document could actually appreciate
		
00:19:48 --> 00:19:48
			what
		
00:19:49 --> 00:19:52
			happened. Thank you. One more
person over here in the front
		
00:19:59 --> 00:19:59
			that's.
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:01
			Who are you? Where were you?
		
00:20:08 --> 00:20:12
			So in my freshman year of high
school, my first semester, I went
		
00:20:13 --> 00:20:16
			through a really weird case where
I had a really positive friendship
		
00:20:16 --> 00:20:18
			and with someone,
		
00:20:19 --> 00:20:20
			and it
		
00:20:22 --> 00:20:27
			was a was, it was so testing on
me, and I,
		
00:20:28 --> 00:20:32
			I wasn't always feeling my best
during that time, and I waited a
		
00:20:32 --> 00:20:35
			lot of it on that friendship and
on the environment I was in high
		
00:20:35 --> 00:20:35
			school
		
00:20:37 --> 00:20:40
			eventually led me to make
decisions to leave high school,
		
00:20:40 --> 00:20:43
			and at that point, it seemed
terrifying, but
		
00:20:46 --> 00:20:46
			looking
		
00:20:48 --> 00:20:52
			back, it was literally one of the
lessons right now, so much now,
		
00:20:52 --> 00:20:56
			like I see the struggles that I
was in, and I see
		
00:20:57 --> 00:21:00
			in a feeling that way, because now
I Know, Like I know how to fix
		
00:21:00 --> 00:21:01
			that
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:04
			feeling. Never go
		
00:21:05 --> 00:21:07
			back to that. Thank you. Thank you
so much. So this
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:14
			past year
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:19
			at the University experience
special assault, and it happened
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21
			to me over almost seven months. So
before this, I kind
		
00:21:25 --> 00:21:25
			of
		
00:21:27 --> 00:21:29
			just me, and I just didn't
understand, like I didn't really
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:37
			know. I just, I don't get what
happens, you know, but now, six
		
00:21:37 --> 00:21:41
			months after, I actually have a
really strong sense
		
00:21:43 --> 00:21:44
			of debate that I never had
		
00:21:47 --> 00:21:49
			before, because happens to you,
you can't talk about
		
00:21:51 --> 00:21:53
			it, but there's only so much
besides,
		
00:22:00 --> 00:22:03
			it's not even what happened To me.
It's kind of grateful that
		
00:22:03 --> 00:22:03
			something this
		
00:22:22 --> 00:22:27
			traumatizing. Is just highly
courageous to share that here,
		
00:22:27 --> 00:22:30
			probably, and I know that his
sister is not the only person
		
00:22:30 --> 00:22:33
			who's gotten that in this room. So
let's take a minute if you're next
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:36
			to a sister and your sister can if
your next, your brother and your
		
00:22:36 --> 00:22:36
			next. But
		
00:22:42 --> 00:22:42
			I
		
00:22:49 --> 00:22:49
			yeah, this time.
		
00:23:06 --> 00:23:09
			Share that so many sisters and
mothers have gone through sexual
		
00:23:09 --> 00:23:12
			assault, and I have a number of
sisters who've talked to me,
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:16
			who've mentioned that this
particular issue was what caused
		
00:23:16 --> 00:23:19
			them to come back to Allah, not
because it should ever happen to
		
00:23:19 --> 00:23:22
			that. There's no excuse for that
to happen. There is nothing,
		
00:23:22 --> 00:23:23
			nothing, nothing. It doesn't
matter what
		
00:23:28 --> 00:23:31
			the future is just like, or where
she is or what she was, nothing
		
00:23:31 --> 00:23:36
			where that's okay, or a brother,
but having this incredible trial
		
00:23:36 --> 00:23:39
			happen exactly as you explained,
where someone else cannot
		
00:23:39 --> 00:23:43
			understand it, and so putting your
faith in suju, asking Allah
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:47
			subhanaw taala to be there with
you, that's the one time when you
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:49
			start feeling like somebody
understands and of course, he
		
00:23:49 --> 00:23:52
			understands para because he's
always watching. And that's the
		
00:23:52 --> 00:23:55
			second thing we're talking about,
and that's al raqid. He's the
		
00:23:55 --> 00:23:58
			observant one. He's the watchful
one. He's the one who's always
		
00:23:58 --> 00:24:02
			watching us. Now, a lot of times
when we talk about unwelcome it's
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:05
			put in this way where it's like,
he's always watching you. He's
		
00:24:05 --> 00:24:08
			like, God forbid, waiting to
punish you. Have you ever felt
		
00:24:08 --> 00:24:11
			that way in your relationship with
Allah? You're just waiting to do
		
00:24:11 --> 00:24:14
			something wrong? He's just waiting
for something to happen. That's
		
00:24:14 --> 00:24:18
			not how Allah kawatawa is. You
know who awaki is? There's two
		
00:24:18 --> 00:24:22
			ways where we can look at this.
Number one, when you are in your
		
00:24:22 --> 00:24:26
			bathroom and you're thinking about
cutting yourself another time, but
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:30
			you realize that Allah is with you
even when no one else can see you.
		
00:24:31 --> 00:24:34
			When you're going through
depression and you feel like
		
00:24:34 --> 00:24:38
			nobody understands no matter who
you've spoken with, Abu is there.
		
00:24:38 --> 00:24:43
			He is watching you. He is
listening to you when you get into
		
00:24:43 --> 00:24:47
			a huge fight with your parents and
they say things like you're going
		
00:24:47 --> 00:24:50
			to * because you're not obeying
us, when they say things to you
		
00:24:50 --> 00:24:53
			that might cause you to feel like
you're not worthy
		
00:24:54 --> 00:24:58
			in those moments, he is there with
you, talking with to Allah in
		
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59
			those moments when you do.
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:03
			Something really messed up, and
you wish that you can get out of
		
00:25:03 --> 00:25:06
			that situation, but you've already
done it and you've done it again
		
00:25:06 --> 00:25:10
			and you've done it again. He is
with you. And that doesn't have to
		
00:25:10 --> 00:25:14
			be something scary. It means you
always have somebody who is
		
00:25:14 --> 00:25:19
			listening and seeing who is with
you wherever you are, so having
		
00:25:19 --> 00:25:23
			what's happening, he is there for
us to reach out to him in any
		
00:25:23 --> 00:25:27
			moment. And he tells us over and
over the whole
		
00:25:29 --> 00:25:31
			He is with you wherever you are.
		
00:25:32 --> 00:25:36
			Abu is there to be with you, to
watch over you, even in times
		
00:25:36 --> 00:25:39
			where you feel like you're alone
and you can't protect yourself
		
00:25:39 --> 00:25:43
			from yourself. And the second way
that arakive is with us is that we
		
00:25:43 --> 00:25:47
			know because he's watching us. We
know because he's close to us that
		
00:25:47 --> 00:25:51
			we try our best to do the right
thing. When we talk about Allah
		
00:25:51 --> 00:25:55
			being loving, he is so loving. He
is so loving that when I intend to
		
00:25:55 --> 00:25:59
			do something right and I don't do
it, he'll still reward me that
		
00:25:59 --> 00:26:02
			when I do something wrong, he only
makes it as if I committed one
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:06
			mistake, that if I wanted to do
something, but I didn't get to do
		
00:26:06 --> 00:26:09
			it. Excuse me, but I wanted to do
something, but I did do it, then
		
00:26:09 --> 00:26:12
			he rewards me 10 times, 100 times,
700 times, and even, even more
		
00:26:12 --> 00:26:18
			than that, there's no way you can
lose with Allah. He literally will
		
00:26:18 --> 00:26:21
			multiply your good and only write
your bad one time. And if you ask
		
00:26:21 --> 00:26:24
			for his forgiveness right after
you did that thing, the angels
		
00:26:24 --> 00:26:27
			won't even write it down. And if
you did it and you waited two
		
00:26:27 --> 00:26:31
			years, three years, two months,
another day, in that moment and
		
00:26:31 --> 00:26:34
			you asked for him to forgive you,
then he'll still forgive you, and
		
00:26:34 --> 00:26:35
			he'll turn it into a good deed. As
he
		
00:26:37 --> 00:26:39
			talks about Eternals, for one,
there's literally no way he can
		
00:26:39 --> 00:26:43
			lose with Allah. But what does
that look like internally when I
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:46
			know that a little thief is
watching me, then I'm a little
		
00:26:46 --> 00:26:49
			more conscientious of what I'm
about to do. How many of you are
		
00:26:49 --> 00:26:52
			really, really aware of where your
phone is right now?
		
00:26:53 --> 00:26:57
			Yeah. How many of you realize it
when you've left it somewhere like
		
00:26:57 --> 00:27:00
			five minutes after it happened?
Yeah, I let my mind have been
		
00:27:00 --> 00:27:01
			texting Medina.
		
00:27:03 --> 00:27:04
			Was getting it back at the mass
convention.
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:08
			They know, like, what? Yeah,
that's what I
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:13
			said, subhanAllah, my phone is so
holy dude. It's not so much time.
		
00:27:15 --> 00:27:19
			But you want to know what's
incredible to me that he knew he
		
00:27:19 --> 00:27:23
			was going to bring it back to me.
And yet, in that whole process, he
		
00:27:23 --> 00:27:28
			was so so motivated. He was so
kind with me, with something so
		
00:27:28 --> 00:27:31
			small that he put put me in
positions, where can I tell you
		
00:27:31 --> 00:27:34
			the whole story? Do you want to
know it? Okay, subhanAllah, I'm
		
00:27:34 --> 00:27:36
			sure, like 10 of you already heard
this story before, but
		
00:27:36 --> 00:27:39
			Subhanallah, Subhanallah a few
months ago, and then we were in
		
00:27:39 --> 00:27:43
			Medina, and we were in a taxi and
just got this brand new phone time
		
00:27:43 --> 00:27:45
			left. Like, I always have really
old cell phones. They're, like,
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:48
			used, but like, this is my first,
like, not respect, one of my
		
00:27:48 --> 00:27:51
			first, like, new phones. Somebody
had just gifted it to me. Was so
		
00:27:51 --> 00:27:54
			generous to them. And I'm, like,
in a taxi in Medina, we're about
		
00:27:54 --> 00:27:57
			to leave, get to the airport, and,
like, taking video. I was like,
		
00:27:57 --> 00:27:59
			You got Snapchat and melted my
head. And then I put my taxi, my
		
00:27:59 --> 00:28:02
			phone in the taxi, and taxi, and
then I got out, and then I got my
		
00:28:02 --> 00:28:05
			bag, and then my husband and I'm
in love airport. Then, like, look
		
00:28:05 --> 00:28:06
			at that. Oh God. And
		
00:28:07 --> 00:28:11
			then we ran back outside, ran back
outside, and, of course, the taxi
		
00:28:11 --> 00:28:14
			is gone. And we're like, Uber
Eats, like, tracking down, right?
		
00:28:14 --> 00:28:16
			Like it's gone. So I'm like,
standing there, like, making so
		
00:28:16 --> 00:28:19
			much trouble. Like, Oh, please.
Like, I know it's just a thing,
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:21
			but it's the most important thing
of my life.
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25
			Like, I had all my notes on there.
I had a bunch of important
		
00:28:25 --> 00:28:29
			pictures on there. I had, like, no
private stuff on there, and I was
		
00:28:29 --> 00:28:32
			just Panama, like, I'm a Medina,
I'm a woman. I get this bag. So we
		
00:28:32 --> 00:28:35
			fly to Dubai, and I'm, like,
making so much trouble at this
		
00:28:35 --> 00:28:37
			point, I just accepted, like, I
lost my phone, and then we go to
		
00:28:37 --> 00:28:40
			Dubai, and my husband had brought
my old cell phone, so we get,
		
00:28:40 --> 00:28:42
			like, a SIM card from my old phone
and a SIM card from his phone. So
		
00:28:42 --> 00:28:45
			that phone so that we can, like,
talk, and he texts me, and he's
		
00:28:45 --> 00:28:49
			like, Oh, dude, I accidentally
texted your your American phone.
		
00:28:49 --> 00:28:53
			And, like, I just put my phone on
airplane mode. So, like, even if
		
00:28:53 --> 00:28:55
			you tried to call so that the taxi
driver could hear it ringing, you
		
00:28:55 --> 00:28:58
			know, it's on airplane mode. So
how are you ever gonna get through
		
00:28:58 --> 00:29:00
			so, like, someone would need to,
like, turn it off airplane mode.
		
00:29:00 --> 00:29:02
			Try to figure out, like, like,
let's say you seen text me. Let's
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:05
			say I have these numbers. He
texted me and I see it, and if he
		
00:29:05 --> 00:29:08
			doesn't get seen, right, I'd have
to unlock it so that I can
		
00:29:08 --> 00:29:11
			actually call her back and text
her back. So, like, somebody would
		
00:29:11 --> 00:29:13
			need to know my password to be
able to do that. You see where no
		
00:29:13 --> 00:29:15
			one says, like, even if someone
found it, what are they going to
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:18
			do with it? So he accidentally
text my number with his Dubai
		
00:29:18 --> 00:29:22
			number, and because he
accidentally texted my cell number
		
00:29:22 --> 00:29:25
			with a number I didn't have saved
that number came up as like,
		
00:29:25 --> 00:29:25
			97562,
		
00:29:26 --> 00:29:31
			etc. And so someone had found my
phone. She kept watching it all
		
00:29:31 --> 00:29:34
			day, turned off airplane mode, saw
that number, and was able to type
		
00:29:34 --> 00:29:37
			in that number and call me back
SubhanAllah. So then they called
		
00:29:37 --> 00:29:40
			and they're like, I found your
phone. I found that phone, and a
		
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41
			taxi in Medina. And
		
00:29:44 --> 00:29:48
			then after that, how am I gonna
get a happy bag? So then I had
		
00:29:48 --> 00:29:52
			some a friend of mine knows an
incredible couple male a who is
		
00:29:52 --> 00:29:55
			studying in Medina. They went to
that sister and picked up, and I'm
		
00:29:55 --> 00:29:58
			like, but it's still in Medina, my
friend Maria Bay and her family,
		
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59
			she was going to follow the No.
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:04
			Next week. So she goes the next
week meet the sister in Mecca, but
		
00:30:04 --> 00:30:08
			I live in NorCal, and Marie's in
SoCal. However, she came back on
		
00:30:08 --> 00:30:11
			the 24th of November, and I came
to a conference on the 25th of
		
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13
			November, 10 minutes from her
house, alone, went
		
00:30:20 --> 00:30:26
			to so much trouble to give you my
cell phone. What about those of
		
00:30:26 --> 00:30:30
			you who struggle to pray, but you
still pray? What about those of
		
00:30:30 --> 00:30:33
			you every single time you don't
want to do the right thing and you
		
00:30:33 --> 00:30:36
			feel like a hypocrite, because you
feel like, Man, I'm doing it, even
		
00:30:36 --> 00:30:38
			though I don't want to do it, I'm
doing it and I hate doing it. That
		
00:30:38 --> 00:30:42
			doesn't make you a hypocrite. That
makes you a spiritual warrior,
		
00:30:42 --> 00:30:45
			because the Prophet salallahu
alayhi wa sallam said the Mujahid
		
00:30:45 --> 00:30:49
			is the one, the one who struggles
with themselves, is the one who
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:52
			they struggle with their own soul
to do things on the obedience of
		
00:30:52 --> 00:30:56
			Allah. You are a Mujahid that
someone who's doing, who's someone
		
00:30:56 --> 00:31:00
			who's fighting for the sake of God
in the spiritual way that you're
		
00:31:00 --> 00:31:03
			doing the thing even though you
hate it. That doesn't make you
		
00:31:03 --> 00:31:06
			weak. It doesn't make you a
hypocrite. It makes you a
		
00:31:06 --> 00:31:10
			struggling believer. It makes you
a warrior. So in all those moments
		
00:31:10 --> 00:31:13
			where you feel like what was
mentioned, how can I go back to
		
00:31:13 --> 00:31:17
			him, when the process of
repentance is so difficult, it's
		
00:31:17 --> 00:31:20
			so you know, it's this process of
internalizing what I've done. I've
		
00:31:20 --> 00:31:23
			had people talk to me five years
later. They're like, I got in a
		
00:31:23 --> 00:31:25
			physical relationship with
someone. They didn't have *, but
		
00:31:25 --> 00:31:27
			they did a lot of other things.
And they're like, it's been five
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:30
			years. I make Toba every single
day, and I can't let it go. We've
		
00:31:30 --> 00:31:33
			had people who've said that
they've done things six years ago,
		
00:31:33 --> 00:31:36
			two months ago, and it's
impossible to forgive yourself.
		
00:31:36 --> 00:31:37
			But remember, Allah,
		
00:31:39 --> 00:31:43
			He is the One Who forgives. He is
a Satir. You know what Satir is?
		
00:31:43 --> 00:31:49
			He's the one who covers when you
cover the mistake of a believer in
		
00:31:49 --> 00:31:51
			this life, Allah will cover that
mistake for you on the Day of
		
00:31:51 --> 00:31:56
			Judgment. He tells us that this is
inside Muslims, this beautiful
		
00:31:56 --> 00:32:00
			series on the names of Allah, and
there's this hadith where this the
		
00:32:00 --> 00:32:03
			believer is going to have a
private conversation with Allah,
		
00:32:03 --> 00:32:06
			and they're asked, Did you do
this? Did you do this? This sin,
		
00:32:06 --> 00:32:09
			this sin, this sin, this sin. And
of course, you say yes to every
		
00:32:09 --> 00:32:12
			single one. I mean, there's no way
you cannot. Because even if you
		
00:32:12 --> 00:32:14
			said no, I didn't, your arms are
going to speak against you, your
		
00:32:14 --> 00:32:17
			tongue is going to speak against
you, but it's also going to speak
		
00:32:17 --> 00:32:20
			for you. It doesn't always have to
be terrifying, but it is a little
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:23
			bit terrifying. But in all those
moments, you keep saying, Yes, I
		
00:32:23 --> 00:32:27
			did, yes I did, and you're waiting
for some type of punishment, and
		
00:32:27 --> 00:32:31
			then Allah says, I hid them for
you in this life, and I'm going to
		
00:32:31 --> 00:32:36
			forgive them for you on this day.
He hid our mistakes in this life,
		
00:32:36 --> 00:32:40
			and he promises our forgiveness in
the hereafter. How do you know
		
00:32:40 --> 00:32:43
			that Allah has forgiven you
because he promised you that he
		
00:32:43 --> 00:32:47
			will forgive you when you come
back to him. Subhanallah to Allah.
		
00:32:47 --> 00:32:51
			Allah tells us over and over in
the Quran, oh my servants who
		
00:32:51 --> 00:32:56
			wronged themselves, don't despair.
Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.
		
00:32:56 --> 00:32:59
			He is the Forgiving, the Merciful
everything. He forgives
		
00:32:59 --> 00:33:03
			everything, as long as we ask for
that forgiveness before we pass
		
00:33:03 --> 00:33:09
			away. So what could you possibly
do that is too big for his
		
00:33:09 --> 00:33:12
			forgiveness? Do you understand
what that sounds like? If you were
		
00:33:12 --> 00:33:16
			to say, I did so much that Allah
shall forgive me, you are
		
00:33:16 --> 00:33:19
			literally saying Your sins are
bigger than Allah God your bed.
		
00:33:19 --> 00:33:23
			It's not physical. It's not
possible. There's no way that you
		
00:33:23 --> 00:33:27
			can be so bad that Allah wouldn't
forgive you. Subhanallah, he's so
		
00:33:27 --> 00:33:30
			ready to accept every single one
of us. What that looks like,
		
00:33:30 --> 00:33:33
			though, is when I make that
mistake and I go back to him, I
		
00:33:33 --> 00:33:36
			ask him to forgive me and tell me,
but then what if I do it again and
		
00:33:36 --> 00:33:39
			again and again? Then it's like
heavy footsie, where a servant is
		
00:33:39 --> 00:33:42
			asking for Allah's forgiveness,
and then he goes back to it, then
		
00:33:42 --> 00:33:45
			he asked for his forgiveness, and
he goes back to it, then he asked
		
00:33:45 --> 00:33:47
			for his forgiveness, and then he
goes back to it. And Allah tells
		
00:33:47 --> 00:33:50
			him, do whatever you want. This is
a summary of Hadith, as long as
		
00:33:50 --> 00:33:53
			you ask for my forgiveness and you
don't worship anyone, believe me,
		
00:33:53 --> 00:33:55
			I will forgive you as even if your
sins hit all the way up to the
		
00:33:55 --> 00:34:00
			clouds. Subhanallah to Allah. So
he's promising that he's going to
		
00:34:00 --> 00:34:03
			forgive us. The question is, when
are we going to start working on
		
00:34:03 --> 00:34:09
			forgiving ourselves? Shay upon
wants us to be so busy hating
		
00:34:09 --> 00:34:13
			ourselves and feeling guilty about
what we've done in the past that
		
00:34:13 --> 00:34:17
			we don't have time to do good in
the future. That's so deserved.
		
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18
			Snap I was I worked on that for so
long.
		
00:34:22 --> 00:34:26
			He How many times have you wanted
to do something, but like you're
		
00:34:26 --> 00:34:29
			sitting here and you're thinking
about all the messes that you've
		
00:34:29 --> 00:34:31
			done in the past, so you don't
even do the right thing, because
		
00:34:31 --> 00:34:33
			there's no good thing like that.
And the lesson I'm trying to tell
		
00:34:33 --> 00:34:38
			us that when you do good deeds, it
wipes out the bag. And
		
00:34:38 --> 00:34:41
			subhanAllah, I'm going to tell you
one of my favorite verses in the
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:44
			Quran. A lot of people ask me this
question, when I write the Quran,
		
00:34:44 --> 00:34:47
			I feel like it talks about the
Hellfire so much. Have you ever
		
00:34:47 --> 00:34:50
			felt that when you open it and
you're like, you hear about
		
00:34:50 --> 00:34:54
			punishment and you hear about so
much scary stuff? Yes, because
		
00:34:54 --> 00:34:58
			that's real. That is a reality.
It's about balancing hope and
		
00:34:58 --> 00:34:59
			fear, and especially about having.
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:04
			Love, but also when he passes a
* of fire, he balances with
		
00:35:04 --> 00:35:07
			talking with talking about
paradise. Some of us are motivated
		
00:35:07 --> 00:35:13
			by fear, some of us are motivated
by hope. And what works for you is
		
00:35:13 --> 00:35:16
			looking, look at what works for
you. He's talking to you. He's
		
00:35:16 --> 00:35:19
			asking you to connect with the
Quran in a language you
		
00:35:19 --> 00:35:23
			understand. So when you look at
the verses and you see that they
		
00:35:23 --> 00:35:26
			talk about things that encourage
you focus on those verses and do
		
00:35:26 --> 00:35:29
			good with those verses. You accept
all the other ones. You accept
		
00:35:29 --> 00:35:32
			every single verse in the Quran,
but findings going to motivate you
		
00:35:32 --> 00:35:36
			and continue to use that to to
encourage yourself. What we're
		
00:35:36 --> 00:35:39
			going to do, Inshallah, is talk
about really quickly, three ways
		
00:35:39 --> 00:35:43
			of connecting with him. Number
one, Allah tells us that in order
		
00:35:43 --> 00:35:47
			to come closer to Him, in order to
get his love, we do the obligatory
		
00:35:47 --> 00:35:50
			actions, and then we follow it up
with doing voluntary stuff. If
		
00:35:50 --> 00:35:53
			you're trying to pray five times a
day, you're good enough. That's
		
00:35:53 --> 00:35:57
			the best thing you can do. If
you've already done that, follow
		
00:35:57 --> 00:35:59
			it up with something else that's
incredible. May wanna give you
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:03
			success. The second thing is
reading the Quran in a
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:05
			translation. You understand. Raise
your hand if you put the Quran in
		
00:36:05 --> 00:36:11
			a translation. Okay, on a regular
basis. All right, for those of you
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:15
			whose hands in the what today
choose to recite one verse a day
		
00:36:15 --> 00:36:19
			in the translation. After 365
days, how many of you read?
		
00:36:22 --> 00:36:23
			Mathematicians mashaAllah, to
		
00:36:25 --> 00:36:29
			feel like I'm able to understand
you and connect with him when I
		
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31
			read the word that he revealed to
me. How else am I going to know
		
00:36:31 --> 00:36:35
			the one who has revealed this
entire way of living without
		
00:36:35 --> 00:36:39
			reading His words? So reading the
verses in translation, and
		
00:36:39 --> 00:36:42
			finally, I'm going to recite it
versus the Quran for you, my Quran
		
00:36:42 --> 00:36:46
			teacher, my May Allah, bless him.
In every single way, he encourages
		
00:36:46 --> 00:36:49
			that when we talk about the Quran,
we should recite it, because this
		
00:36:49 --> 00:36:52
			is the Quran. I know I'm a female,
I understand that that's not
		
00:36:52 --> 00:36:55
			something common in our community,
but we have this understanding
		
00:36:55 --> 00:36:59
			that when it's for knowledge, when
we're teaching one another, that
		
00:36:59 --> 00:37:03
			this isn't about fitna, it's okay.
Inshallah, this is a moment of
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:07
			teaching, and also SubhanAllah.
It's still for men. How many men
		
00:37:07 --> 00:37:11
			have learned from women? How many
women have been scholars who have
		
00:37:11 --> 00:37:12
			taught masses of men for men.
		
00:37:19 --> 00:37:22
			But I also say many other facts,
and I've only heard copping from
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:24
			here a few of those times. So I'm
just saying, just
		
00:37:27 --> 00:37:31
			gonna stop myself while I'm not
ahead, alright, so I want you to
		
00:37:31 --> 00:37:32
			close your eyes.
		
00:37:33 --> 00:37:37
			And in that moment, alright, it's
a moment where, please close your
		
00:37:37 --> 00:37:42
			eyes for real. It's that moment
where Subhanallah,
		
00:37:43 --> 00:37:47
			it's your last moment on Earth.
You've lived a life of struggle.
		
00:37:47 --> 00:37:50
			You've tried to do good, you've
made mistakes, you've tried to
		
00:37:50 --> 00:37:53
			come back to him. You faltered,
but you've tried and you've tried
		
00:37:53 --> 00:37:55
			and you've tried, and in those
moments you didn't want to try,
		
00:37:55 --> 00:37:58
			you still try. And in those
moments that you tried and you
		
00:37:58 --> 00:38:01
			didn't want to try, you stopped
trying, you went back to him over
		
00:38:01 --> 00:38:02
			and over and over and over.
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:08
			And then in this moment where the
angels are coming to you to take
		
00:38:08 --> 00:38:08
			your soul,
		
00:38:10 --> 00:38:12
			imagine when Allah SWT tells us,
		
00:38:18 --> 00:38:21
			in those who've said, our Lord is
Allah, and they've
		
00:38:24 --> 00:38:26
			been firm on that
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:33
			the angels descend on them.
		
00:38:38 --> 00:38:42
			Don't be afraid and don't, don't
be sad well as you imagine,
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:54
			and be given the glad tidings of
paradise. Imagine, in that moment
		
00:38:54 --> 00:38:57
			you're given the glad tidings of
paradise. And then, as your soul
		
00:38:57 --> 00:39:01
			is taken and is taken all the way
up through the heavens, the angels
		
00:39:01 --> 00:39:04
			see the most beautiful names that
you've ever been called in this
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:07
			life. And then you've gone through
being buried, you've gone through
		
00:39:07 --> 00:39:10
			being questioned, you've gone
through this you ought and you get
		
00:39:10 --> 00:39:14
			into Paradise, and you're standing
there, and somebody comes up to
		
00:39:14 --> 00:39:18
			you, and they cover your eyes.
They cover your eyes, and that
		
00:39:18 --> 00:39:21
			person who's covered your eyes,
you don't know who they are, but
		
00:39:21 --> 00:39:26
			you touch their hands, and all of
a sudden you recognize the hands
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:29
			of the person that you have missed
for so long. Maybe it's a
		
00:39:29 --> 00:39:33
			grandparent who passed away when
you were a kid. Maybe it's a
		
00:39:33 --> 00:39:37
			parent who you've missed for so
many decades. Maybe it's a best
		
00:39:37 --> 00:39:41
			friend or a cousin. Maybe it's
your sibling, it's somebody who
		
00:39:41 --> 00:39:45
			went before you. You haven't seen
it so long, and then all of a
		
00:39:45 --> 00:39:50
			sudden, they're standing there in
front of you. You turn around, you
		
00:39:50 --> 00:39:54
			see their face, their face is so
bright, and you realize that
		
00:39:54 --> 00:39:56
			Inshallah, for the rest of
eternity, you're going to be
		
00:39:56 --> 00:39:59
			together. And that's not because
you were perfect. That's because.
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:03
			You believed in Allah. You tried
your best to live this life
		
00:40:03 --> 00:40:07
			however best you could. You
balanced being fearful of him, but
		
00:40:07 --> 00:40:10
			hopeful of him, and trying your
best to be conscientious of him.
		
00:40:10 --> 00:40:13
			And you're hoping that God,
willing that in and of itself,
		
00:40:13 --> 00:40:16
			will be Hina to gain his pleasure.
We can't get anywhere from our own
		
00:40:16 --> 00:40:20
			deeds, but Allah, out of His
mercy, can give and give and give
		
00:40:20 --> 00:40:25
			you can open your eyes. May Allah
make us of those people who meet
		
00:40:25 --> 00:40:28
			each other in that moment, and
make us of the people who are
		
00:40:28 --> 00:40:32
			like, I remember seeing you in
that room and me and Yoda. It's so
		
00:40:32 --> 00:40:35
			possible. How many times can I
tell you something? Have I been
		
00:40:35 --> 00:40:38
			with a sister and I'm like, Oh
man, may Allah bless us with
		
00:40:38 --> 00:40:40
			meeting in Mecca. And then Allah,
we really meet in Mecca, but one
		
00:40:40 --> 00:40:43
			time in high school, I was like,
in trouble, get to study in Egypt
		
00:40:43 --> 00:40:46
			together, and then we really
studied in Egypt together. Never
		
00:40:46 --> 00:40:49
			doubt when your draw is being
accepted. When I got my cell phone
		
00:40:49 --> 00:40:51
			back, I was like, I should have
made drop in paradise, like he
		
00:40:51 --> 00:40:55
			clearly answered my but what about
the bigger stuff? Don't ever
		
00:40:55 --> 00:40:59
			underestimate Allah's generosity.
He's the loving, He's the
		
00:40:59 --> 00:41:01
			forgiving, he's the one who finds
our fault. They'll let us work on
		
00:41:01 --> 00:41:05
			building that relationship with
Him, subhanAllah, NICUs, of the
		
00:41:05 --> 00:41:08
			people that he loves. I mean,
subhanAllah will be having a
		
00:41:08 --> 00:41:10
			condition when we're going
		
00:41:11 --> 00:41:15
			to do five minutes of questions
inshallah. Um, so really quickly,
		
00:41:15 --> 00:41:17
			I'm just going to turn this off.
Smell.