Maryam Amir – Modesty Double Standards
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses her desire to be like MAC advancing Islam and practice Islam, as she wants to be like her companions. She talks about the difficulties of women in situations where they are the only ones needing to do something and the way they act. The importance of shaming in shaping people's bodies is discussed, as well as the root cause of women's issues and how they are expected to carry on. The speakers also touch on the idea of a woman being the only woman to deal with her hesitation and discomfort with her hesitation.
AI: Summary ©
Growing up when I decided that I really wanted to become connected
to Allah's panel to Allah, and I wanted to know Islam and practice
Islam and live Islam. I wanted to be like Khalid Ibn Walid rule the
Allahu Anhu and how he was so brave on the battlefield. I wanted
to be like Bilal, the Allahu Anhu and not the Adhan but to be able
to recite the Quran in my own home with a loud, proud voice. I wanted
to be like Ibn Abbas Radi Allahu Anhu and how he was so
knowledgeable about Quran and tafsir and the more that I learned
about these men, companions whom were always presented in lectures
and in chutzpah, the more I wanted to be like them, and my
personality is a little more extroverted. And so I felt like I
could try to be like them, because I saw the actions that they
focused on were about serving community.
But then I was told that as a woman, I shouldn't really try to
be like them or the Aloha I'm home. I should really follow the
example of the woman companions.
And at that time,
I didn't really connect to women companions.
And the reason I had to sit with myself and really think about it,
the reason was because I realized I didn't know them. The only space
in which I had heard about them was just specifically talking
about hijab, mainly, the importance of being modest, of
course,
as a 16 year old, hearing about Khadija radiAllahu anha as the
most incredible supportive wife, Aisha radiAllahu anha as someone
who was super modest and false model as such a beautiful, loving
mother, that was beautiful and that was awesome, but I wasn't in
those spaces at that time, and it made it a lot harder for me to see
myself in them.
And then I realized
that I had been seeing the woman companions as passive bystanders
in the prophetic community that I didn't know how they contributed
or how they spoke, or what they did or how they reacted.
I just didn't hear about them really ever.
And so I started to study their lives
and SubhanAllah.
When I learned about the encompassing ways in which they
understood modesty, the men and women companions,
I realized that we as a community, maybe
sometimes need to take a step back, and especially for our
younger girls and boys growing up, present the companions in a more
comprehensive way.
So for example, when we see someone like Esma Binta omeha, one
of the early converts of Islam with her husband, Jaffa, the son
of Abu Talib RadiAllahu anhuma, she was one of the first to make
Hijrah to abysmia
after Jafar was martyred,
the wife of Abu Bakr Radi Allahu Amen, the mother of Aisha radi,
she passed away soon after.
And so then Abu Bakr and Asmaa bin Zara mais, both of them, now
widowed, they get married,
and
Asmaa becomes pregnant, and they go to make Hajj with the Prophet
sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam, this one pilgrimage, this one
opportunity to make Hajj. And she gives birth on the way to Hajj.
When birth takes place, Sikh rulings take place, and they
didn't know how they were supposed to continue on with Hajj.
And so Abu Bakr RadiAllahu, Anhu didn't say, I'm too shy to ask a
prophet. So Allahu alaihi wasallam what my wife should do in this
situation. Asmaa. RadiAllahu ala didn't say, I'm way too mortified
to ask what I'm supposed to do in this situation.
They had Hayat of Allah, subhanaw taala, their concept of modesty
was the one who deserves the most modesty in front of is our Lord.
And where does that begin? Except for in my personal practice with
my Lord.
And so Abu Bala who went to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, and he asked him what to do with sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam just taught him how Asmaa
continues and makes Hajj, and the silk rulings related to it in that
same Hajj, I shall Allah.
Have found herself in a situation that is specific to woman, and she
began to cry.
And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught her the fifth of
what to do. But she narrated this narration to the rest of this
ummah. Woman until now know what to do in these circumstances,
because of Asmaa and I shall deal
not
saying it's too shameful and taboo to ask and it's too shameful and
taboo to share so that women know what to do,
this comprehensive understanding of Haya, of having this modesty
with Allah subhanahu wa is what we see with falsima, radiAllahu anha,
as she was passing away, she was sick. And Asmaa Binda omese, who I
just mentioned, the wife of Abu Bakr at this point Radi Allahu
Akuma, she was caring for her, supporting her as she's very sick
and in her last days and faulty, little dilawanha is thinking about
when she passes, and she says that she doesn't like the fact that
when the body is wrapped in a burial shroud, that the shape of
the body is a little more visible.
So because, Asmaa had been in Abyssinia, she had seen the way
that the woman in Abyssinia would put the person who has passed in
kind of like a coffin, like structure. So she suggested taking
twigs and leaves and creating something like that. Fatima Radich
asked to see it Asmaa Aldi lahomme had it made. When Fatima saw it,
she asked to be placed in that so from the gennaza, she wasn't
buried in it, but from the genaza to the burial spot, her body was
covered from view, so that the shape of her body was not shown.
She's passing away,
and her final concerns are about the shape of her body,
which is so powerful and speaks to the commitment that she had to
hijab.
But oftentimes when we talk about hijab in our community, it's
almost obsessive
that this is the only important aspect of a Muslim woman's worship
that when we see a sister with a little bit of hair showing I have
heard people make comments like you might as well take it off.
What's the point of hijab? Anyway? Even Shay blood is confused. Why
are you even Muslim?
I appreciate that some women had that
healing laugh after trauma right now,
but I have met sisters who've taken off their hijab because of
those statements. Many sisters, they said, You're right. What is
the point?
Falter on his commitment to the way that she covered was not about
what people thought
it was, because she had a comprehensive relationship with
her Lord, and it was established through a relationship with her
father, the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam, the commandment
of hijab came 14 years after the initial revelation, 13 to 14
years, I have met women who are about to convert to Islam and who
are told, cover your hair first,
as if the most important aspect before she even makes her shahada
Is hijab. Of course, hijab is an obligation. Of course, it's an
honor. Of course, covering in a comprehensive way isn't is a
beautiful, beautiful aspect, but when it's been beaten into you,
when it's been made to seem like that's the only thing that matters
in your relationship, it impacts the way that you feel about it.
And yet, the woman companions. When the verses of hijab were
revealed, there's a narration of Hafsa, who narrates that a woman
came to the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa salam, and she talked
about how she serves in the battlefield. She helps take care
of the wounded, she nurses the sick, and she helps take care of
the dead, taking their bodies. She said, I don't have the material to
cover myself in the in covering my hair and my body. I don't have the
financial means to have this outfit. The Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam just taught her to borrow an outfit. He didn't
say, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it's better for you not to be
present. He said, borrow an outfit. Sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, this Hafsa narrated to umatiya about this incident.
Umatiya is nusraba. She's known as nusayba, nasiva, Amara um Attiya.
She was the warrior who defended the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi,
wasallam in Uhud, everywhere he looked left and right. She was
there. She battled.
Seven battles. In one of those battles, she lost her arm, so she
became a woman with a disability, because companions with
disabilities were critical for the community of the Prophet Muhammad.
Peace be upon him, as they are critical for our community today.
So she, Hafsa is narrating this to this woman, warrior of the
companions, and there were many. Over 30 women battled in the
battles amongst the companions. And then others helped with
nursing the wounded and caring for those who'd passed.
And when she narrates this ummah, Atiyah then says that she asked
the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam, they're having a
conversation about hijab. Omartiya then says that we used to keep our
younger girls. I'm very cautious with the words, because this was a
family event, so they used to keep some of their younger girls at
home. And the Prophet sallallahu Alam ordered that even those women
in a particular state should come to their salah. And when he was
asked, What if she doesn't have something to cover herself with
the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa salam, didn't say, oh, yeah, in
that case, you should just stay home. No, the Prophet saw them,
said, let her borrow something. Oh, Kemal. SallAllahu, alayhi wa
salam, why? So she will be present to witness the good
Asmaa, or may sway, mentioned earlier, who was nursing the
Fatima, radila Anna, as she was passing away. She also was one of
the women amongst two with Ali Radi Allahu AR
who washed Fatima's body, radiAllahu anha, and then Abu Bakr
radila, and who became sick. He became sick, and she cared for him
in his final days.
And despite the fact that Abu Bakr Al gillahu anhu had multiple
children,
he put it in his will that he wanted Asmaa Radi Allahu Anhu to
wash his body. So Asmaa binis washed Fatima Abu anha, and she
was a before they were buried. And yet, I've heard so many times,
specifically, when it comes to women in the space of this very
huge loss, that women are too emotional to be able to handle it.
A woman could be a fitna if she's in that space.
We have fought. We have Asmaa, ODI lamanha, who watched the best of
the best of the companions Uli Allahu anhu,
oftentimes when we talk about modesty, we focus just on dress,
but their understanding of modesty was about commitment to Allah in
all actions, including dress, but in all actions, and the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, taught them to be balanced in this
interaction. And they, he taught him. They, he Salam? Are they who
Salam taught them? He taught them responsibility. So that when in
those 14, 1314, years before hijab was revealed, they were learning
about the hereafter. They were learning about maintaining Iman.
They were learning about
their own accountability in the ahkhira. It impacted their hearts.
One time, I was in a masjid. We have a local Masjid in California,
where I live, where there is no wall between men and women. We
have several mas Ajit and this is the only one that doesn't have
separate rooms. And so the Imam was speaking, it was Ramadan, and
he said, brothers and sisters, as you know, we don't have a wall in
this Masjid. We're all in the same room. And so the way that you
dress is very, very important. Modesty is very, very important.
Brothers, please dress more modestly in the masjid.
And I was expecting you to laugh,
because we never hear that.
We quite literally, never hear that. As women, maybe men hear it
sometimes, but women don't hear it. Addressed to men,
but the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he brought community
together. He taught the men and women our partners, twin halves of
one another. The Quran talks about men and women as allies of one
another. We are allies to one another. We build this community
together. Haya having this modesty with one another looks like being
professional and respectful in our interactions. It looks like
uplifting one another, being allies to one another. And of
course, it also looks like dressing modestly too.
But it does not look like shaming and blaming a woman, because when
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi, that he was sent them, had a
beautiful woman come to him and ask him a question.
He was riding with his cousin behind him, Al fauldi,
and this companion, who's a woman, comes royal, and Al fawl is
staring at her. He's like mashallah, just staring at her.
And the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa salam, this isn't Hajj. So
she's her face is uncovered, and he's seen her.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam didn't say to her,
please leave and ask a man to come and ask a question. Instead. In
fact, she was asking a question on behalf of her father. The Prophet
sallallahu Sallam didn't tell her, you should not be here. The
Prophet sallallahu wasallam didn't blame her for Allah looking at
her. He didn't make her feel disgusted for existing instead,
sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he made the place where she could
ask, comfortable, respectful, a safe space. He turned al fawls
face like this.
He also didn't shame of Faldo. He didn't blame of falter. He didn't
make him feel like the worst human being to ever exist. Because he
just had a moment. He taught him personal responsibility.
And another narration by Ibn Abbas and Musnad Imam Ahmed, there was a
beautiful woman of the companions who would pray in the front row of
the woman's lines, and a group of the men companions, kind of like
the Shebab of the companions. They knew she would pray in the front
line, so they would go pray in the back of the bastion.
And then in salah,
in Rua, they will look under their arm.
In Luk, they would look under their arm at her.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam did not, then create a wall
in his Masjid. Prophet
Salla Salam did not. Then say, woman, you should not be coming to
the masjid anymore. The Promise of Allah did not ban this woman from
coming to the
masjid. Many of us have maybe experienced those types of
policies in some of our communities, certainly not all,
but some of our communities, when we have policies that put the full
brunt of responsibility on women, I'd like to share with you some of
the messages that I've received women who've told me that they
used to love going to the masjid
until they were no longer allowed to go into the men's section,
and that now, when they go into the women's section, and it's
filled with sleeping bags From the men and it's filled with shoes and
it smells and there's no toilet paper in the bathroom
that they just don't want to go
again. Son, massage it not, not all. But this isn't a shocking
case. I'd like you to nod your heads if you've heard of cases
like this before.
That is so many people.
This should be a shocking case. This shouldn't be. Oh, yeah, there
are many mysteries like that.
I've heard from women who used to go memorize the Quran with their
brothers. As children, they loved to memorize Quran. Some of our
children love to memorize Quran. May Allah bless them and keep them
from Quran.
And they would go with excitement until they reached about 12 or 13,
and then the Imam told her parents that he can't teach her anymore
because she's getting older.
That Imam is the only imam of the masjid, the only one teaching
Quran. So what do you think happened to her? Quran, as her
brothers finished their memorization, she didn't continue,
and this particular sister told me that it's been 20 years since
she's opened the Quran. It wasn't until she heard about qadia, the
woman Quran reciters app, which is free, Q, A, R, i, h, Claudia woman
Quran recited from all over the world in different periods of the
Quran. It's four women, women's recitations. You can download it
on Google Play Apple Stores. Until she heard about clariah, she
didn't know that woman could even be in the Quran space because of
her experience. After 20 years, she opened the most house.
Right now I'm hearing from women who are telling me that their five
year olds and their 12 year olds and their 15 year olds are saying
that they want to be a Korea last year, they didn't know what that
term meant. Korea is a woman Quran reciter. We can encourage women to
recite the Quran for a woman, we can have conferences of women
Quran reciters. For a woman, we can have little girls going
upstage and having the experience of reciting the Quran for other
women, that is where the understanding of modesty comes
from. Why? Because when we have a relationship with the Quran, with
the revelation that was established for 13 to 14 years
before hijab was even addressed, we have hearts that are ready to
soak in the Revelation. And that's not to say that sisters who don't
hijab don't soak in the Revelation, not at all,
but if we don't want to look at particular individuals and rather
look.
A community overall, we need to shift the way that we talk about
women's issues in general. Let's look at the root cause. How many
times can we expect women in particular to carry all of Dawa on
her shoulders, to deal with Islamophobia, to constantly be
judged,
and then that same sister doesn't know if there's a woman scholar to
ask questions when she has very intimate questions that only a
woman completely understands about her cycle.
Where do we expect women to go when someone is yelling at her and
making her feel like she should not be in the United States simply
because of the way that she's dressed? And then she tries to
come into the masjid space, and she also doesn't feel welcome.
How is she even supposed to know that the men, scholars of our
history were taught by women, the Ibn Taymiyyah, the Ibn hajab, the
Imam of the Habib, that all of the greatest scholars of our time had
women teachers. Fatima, a great scholar in the time of Imam at the
Habib and a sukkh. And it's narrated, Ibn Rushd narrates that
she would sit where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam's grave
is, you know, the barrier between the grave and the Masjid. There's
a barrier. She would lean back, and she would teach Hadith, and
the men would sit and the woman would sit, and they would learn
from her in the masjid of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi would
send them. And then, when they were learning from her, she would
give them a Jazza written by her hand
Zainab bint me, she was the teacher of Ibn Taymiyyah. May
Allah have mercy on both of them this understanding of women in
these spaces of scholarship, in these spaces of Quran, in these
spaces of passing on our tradition is a reflection of modesty,
because we are so shy as a community in front of Allah that
when we are going to be asked by him on the day of judgment about
the way that We lived, about the girls who were under our care,
about the little boys who were raised not seeing women in spaces
that they could have been in to learn that these are their
sisters, to be, to be, to be allies with
what are we going to say about Three generations into the future
if the sisters today don't necessarily feel connected, and
then they raise children who don't necessarily feel connected, and
they raise children who don't necessarily feel connected, where
does that go back to how shy are we going to feel in front of Allah
subhana wa taala,
if we don't address the greater fitna of women Leaving the
community and being afraid to come back,
we have in the prophetic society, companions who were praised for
their modesty, like Arthur man RadiAllahu, anhu, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa salam, taught that the most modest companion of
his ummah was the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam, one
day, was lying down and his thigh was showing Abu Bakr came in, he
didn't move. SallAllahu, alaihi wasallam. Abu came in, he didn't
move. SallAllahu, alaihi wasallam Earthman came in, and the Prophet
saw them set up and covered his thigh. When I shut all the asked
about it later,
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, shouldn't I be shy?
Shouldn't have this modesty in front of the one that the angels
have this modesty in front of. Imam nawawi mentions that it is it
is a SIFA, it is a description of the angels that they have this
type of a modesty. And the angels are ordered to do nothing except
what ALLAH orders them to do. And there is an ayah where Allah tells
us how to be the finishes for a Rahim, he talks about a ladina,
Yahi, Luna, lauch woman, how the housa Cool, shaking rahmat
somewhere.
There are a group of that jahim, there are a group of angels who do
nothing but believe in Allah.
Why do they? Why does all Santa say Believe in Allah? Of course,
they believe in Allah. They're angels holding up his throne.
But Shah Alam, he mentions that you believe you're seeing me right
now. You're seeing me. You're giving me a lecture. We're in the
lecture together. You're seeing me. But this here means the angels
don't know the future,
so these angels, they are praising Allah, and they you said, Be home.
This is in Arabic, a constant verb. It's happening constantly
right now. And what are they doing?
They
are asking for forgiveness for the believers. They are praying for
the believers. They are making dua for the believers, this SIFA, this
concept of modesty that the angels have. These are the angels who are
making dua for me and you every single second.
Because Allah ordered them to and who are lil ali na Amanu, the
lalina amanu is not somebody who believes and they worship, and
they do nothing but worship. 24/7 that would be mo meaning Amman,
who are the people who have believed in Allah. But sometimes
they struggle to show that belief in their actions.
Allah is so loving and merciful that no matter how you dress or no
matter how you struggle with your relationship with him, he has
ordered angels to make a dua for you. That's how much he loves you.
And
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam taught us that the Mujahid
is the one who strives against his or her own self in the obedience
of Allah and Ibn hajam in explaining this hadith, mention,
I'm going to use the phrase spiritual warrior, that the
spiritual warrior is the one who, even though they hate it, they do
it, even if they really badly want to do it, they don't do it because
Allah ordered that. That doesn't make you a hypocrite, that makes
you a spiritual warrior. It's an honor to be in a room with
spiritual warriors. May Allah make us with the people that he loves.
Males come to make us with the people of the Quran. Please don't
Claudia, right now, it's free. It's kind of going on behind the
commission on that you know and myself.