Lobna Mulla – Feeling Islam Settle in My Heart My Moment of Conviction
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses their experiences with Islam and their confusion as a Muslim. They share their personal and academic history, including their hometown of Egypt and their use of English to communicate. They also mention their desire to learn more about Islam and their belief in Islam's importance to their personal and academic lives.
AI: Summary ©
Music for me, really feeling like I am Muslim, and I fully have that
conviction. It didn't happen in one particular moment, but it was
definitely an era in my life, and when I reflect upon it, it's
actually pretty late in life.
I was around 30, and we were my husband and I with our two younger
kids at the time, our two older kids at the time, we were studying
in Egypt and growing up in the I was born and raised in California
and LA, and growing up, I knew that I was brown, I knew that I
was Egyptian and I knew that I was Muslim. But how that meshed
together? Where did the lines, you know, really start and stop? It
wasn't super clear.
I was happy to be Muslim. I understood where I where I came
from. But there were a lot of different points along the way
where I was just I was Muslim.
When I went to Egypt,
it was very interesting, because now we went for a purpose. We went
to learn more about Islam. We went went to learn Arabic formally for
myself, at least my husband, you know, did much more than that,
Alhamdulillah. But while I was there, I'm trying to speak in the
best that I can, in the in colloquial egyptian arabic. And I
have an accent. Of course, I have an American accent. And so people
would question me all the time. Who are you from every single day,
not just once in a while, every single day, every time I go buy
something, I was the main, the main, as I am today, I'm the main,
you know, I procure all the goods for our home. So, you know, going
the grocery store. Oh, you have an accent. Where are you from? Oh,
wait, you know, are you from Morocco? Oh, you have an accent.
You look Egyptian. But what's wrong with you? How come you, how
come you're talking like that? Are you trying to feign
that you were, you know, went to some fancy English speaking school
in Egypt? Are you trying to, you know, show off? And so that
happened all the time. So question people questioning my identity,
while, in the meantime, here in Quran, had the very big Masjid
right in front of us. I remember learning surat al Allah because,
you know, every, every Yoma, Juma, every, every Friday, that was the
surah that the Imam read. And I remember I memorized it. It's
probably the best Surah that I know, after
Fatiha and
jozama, because I heard it so much, learning Arabic every single
day and almost every day in class, one on one with a teacher. God
bless my teachers. God bless my teachers. They're amazing. It was
like a terribia session almost every day, a point of spiritual
development, personal growth. I probably fasted the most outside
of Ramadan during that time, you know, we'd walk to school in the
sun and we'd be fasting. Now, it's like, oh, I might get a headache,
so I probably not going to fast extra day in Egypt, you know, we
just did it. We had a lot of other Western students that were there
would conglomerate in our home. We'd have coffee. And so we were
constantly surrounded by people who were seeking knowledge for the
sake of Allah, the best people, subhanAllah, may Allah. Bless all
of my friends that I made there, all of my teachers. It was a real
learning, not only about my religion, but about myself. So
people questioning, who am I? I'm learning about Islam. I'm actually
able now to kind of get a little bit deeper and dig into some of my
doubts, not Alhamdulillah, but Allah SWT, and that's that would
have been okay if I did, but understanding there's some things
that didn't settle in my heart. And I finally came to a place
while I was studying that
I may not understand everything, but I trust Allah deeply. I don't
have these like, Why? Why? You know, why does Allah say this? Why
does why? What is that verse in the Quran? I don't know. I don't I
feel unsettled. I deeply felt. I may not have the exact answer, but
I trust and I love Allah. That formative three years in Egypt, it
truly changed me. And I remember when I left and I came back, I was
like, Yeah, I'm American, I'm Egyptian, but I'm definitely,
definitely Muslim, and that's what matters. If you're
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