Hosai Mojaddidi – Screenagers Growing Up in the Digital Age & Sidi Ali Bishop
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the potential risks of social media and the lack of trust in parents during the pandemic. They encourage parents to use social media to communicate and encourage parents to be open-minded. The importance of healthy boundaries for children is emphasized, along with the need to be aware of one's mental health and rewthink the event of the "weird day." The speakers also emphasize the importance of finding something for one's own mental health and rewinding events, including the "weird day." They stress the need to be open-minded and respectful of children, and provide takeaways on the importance of digital literacy and digital literacy for children.
AI: Summary ©
So as I'm looking at the crowd hunkered down, we have a really
good turnout. And so first and foremost, I want to say the
sisters are outnumbering the brothers. So any brothers who
might be in the the local area that says fill it up?
First of all,
tell Harun or heaviness here, again, my name is Brother, I mean,
the first thing I want to do is, is to pick MCC for hosting this
event.
Because this event,
touches just everyone in this room.
The topic, the topic actually touches everyone in this room.
And no, it's called Screen agers tending toward the teenagers. But
really, we have everyone in this room is affected, whether you're
under the age of 13, whether you're over the age of 18.
So again, we have no cards going around. So if you have any
comments that you'd like to, to bring to the panel, then we'd be
more than happy to answer any of those questions. So again, my name
is Brother, I lead the show. I am actually a mental health
therapist, at one of our bay area high schools in New York, Newark,
Newark Memorial High School, I have actually a independent
therapist, hired by the high school to come into the high
school to do individual and group therapy with the high school
students there.
My the end of knowledge is to actually understand where you're
getting this knowledge. So you need to know a little bit about
the panel who you're getting information from. So I'm going to
briefly Inshallah, let you know my educational background. And then
I'm going to turn it over to system aside, and then she'll talk
a little bit about first. So my background, I am actually a
master's in social work.
I actually did my undergrad at Sac State University.
And I did my grad my undergrad work and in social work, that the
clinical track I took was clinical mental health.
My field work was done in nonprofit sector in Sacramento.
The majority of my work started in alcohol and substance abuse.
And so when the film started to talk about addiction,
that resonated deeply with me.
Because what we see in addiction with computer screens and iPhones
and gaming, this this is exactly what individuals who are going
through narcotic alcohol addiction.
So my whole background, my undergraduate was was in the field
of alcohol and substance use and abuse.
When I did my graduate work, I did it in Cal State University. Cal
State East Bay.
Go players. All right.
Thank you.
I'm trying to lighten the mood, right, just trying to bring
everyone so
my graduate study. I actually did that in social work as well. So
I'm a master's in social work. Again, I took the clinical mental
health track.
I did school based
mental health therapy. So one of my field placements was kiddie of
elementary school, where I was educated in play therapy. Or I've
worked with young children who have been traumatized, victimized,
and going through severe grief and loss. And I and I was trained in
play therapy, where I would help these young children get through
those trauma time, those traumatic times that they were facing in
their lives. My second year, I went to the high school.
And I wanted to stay on the school system because I wanted to make a
huge impact impact in the youth before they become adults.
The high school that I interned in was the high school I'm currently
employed. So a high school principal came to me and he said
the work that you're doing is so critical. Can you be can you be
with this full time and I said absolutely. So I have been now a
high school therapist independently contracted in the
high school. So I am dealing with
teenage teenagers who are going through anxiety, depression, grief
and loss.
So I have
heavy
therapy work was in the high school. And a lot of it is around
social media. So I am very honored by
this mission and the board of this ministry to invite me here, and
hopefully be of some help
as we talk about this subject, so that is about me, that's who I am.
That's how you know where you're getting some information from. The
last point before I turn it over the student side, I want to I want
to, again, thank MCC because this video, we actually we did,
we did a panel at MCA. In the South Bay did it out of this town,
I was told that this film is over $600 to rent.
So the masjid cares so much about this community that it would spin
$600 and some change to render this film, and then send it back
to the producers.
So I am just an Austro that our communities are embracing this
film, sharing this film and discussing this film. And so
again, I just want to thank MCC for having me here. I am now going
to turn it over to my colleague system such as a hello favorite,
and inshallah so many
so that was set up. So
when we're setting seed in our venue, where have you been a
little rough on instead of one and
I am very honored as brother to be here with all of you.
My background is not as elaborate as further uglies. I am. By
profession I used to teach now I'm a homeschool mother and home. But
I also do, I'm at mental health advocate, which I've been doing
for several years, my myself as my cousin document started a website
called mental health for Muslims about close to eight years ago.
And since then, I've had a couple of the opportunity to speak to
different communities throughout California and the country about
various mental health issues. And many times.
Many times those discussions have come back to this topic of social
media and the concern that parents as well as teens have about mental
health.
It's not a semester program, we're gonna have at least one appearance
or
so many times these discussions have centered around this issue of
social media, I can't count how many private conversations I've
had here in this community and other communities here in the Bay
Area in Southern California, with parents, especially many times
really, really concerned parents, like what do I do? Do I indulge?
My child has been asking you for months, you know, for a smartphone
twice you let them on this particular app? Or should I say
no? You know, what kind of boundaries should I create? So
there's a deep concern, and it's absolutely, you know, there's
reason for it, we know we watch this film, but if you're paying
attention at all, what's happening in our world, we know that there
are absolute inherent dangers of social media. And it's our
responsibility as parents to look out for our teams. So, you know,
these these grievances, these concerns are definitely warranted.
And I've also heard from teams who are really worried or not worried
more so frustrated, I would say frustrated with the fact that they
feel that their parents are being too strict and putting too many
limitations on them. Or there's a, you know, lack of trust in their
relationship. And they feel like, you know, they really have no
options, there's a lot of tension in the home because of this topic.
So hearing from both perspectives isn't really for me eye opening,
because I can see where both groups are coming from. And that's
why these types of events are so important, because what we're
trying to do here is we're trying to encourage dialogue, one of the
things the generational gap that I think, you know, happens naturally
between parents and children is that sometimes discussions stuck,
right? It's just my way that's it, right? If your team does that
happen to you, right? When you when you bring up something and
then the discussion, sort of just any, because parents obviously
don't want to, you know, make, you know, do do something or make the
wrong sort of judgment call. So it's just easier to say. I said so
that's it, but that's obviously not going to fix the problem.
Because if you know anything about the sculpture, you know, that
people find a way, right. So that's what's happening now when
when you have
have full stop conversations that just don't go anywhere, then teens
will have access elsewhere. And so that's where you see these
problems now happening, where they're getting kind of, you know,
access to, to really harmful material or just access to things
that they shouldn't be getting through friends, through school,
through libraries, through all these different places that now
make things available. So that's not a healthy approach, to just
end the conversation. So we have to be doing exactly what we're
doing right now, which is talking. And that's why it's so important
that we hear from you. Um, if you notice, there's a very sweet, I
don't know where she went one of two volunteers, one shot lamella,
bless her, she's been walking around collecting these note
cards. And the reason why this is so important is because we have a
mixed audience here, when it's just teens, and it's just adults,
we can, you know, have really clear open conversations. But what
happens naturally, is that when when we mix these groups up,
people kind of clam up and they don't feel comfortable talking
about certain things, because you don't want to get in trouble going
into the room, right? You don't want to say something you
shouldn't say or admit something, or whatever, or bring up sort of,
you know, open, candid. So people just sort of tend to listen, but
really, the purpose of our being here tonight, is we want to hear
from you. So we've gathered a few different questions here. But I
really encourage you, if you are a teen and you're struggling with
this topic at home, and you're seeing different you know, you
feel frustrated, you feel that there's really no respect maybe
for your opinion and for your what you want, please open up to us
because we won't, you know, there's that anonymity that that's
afforded to you here with these note cards, we don't know who you
are, but we can address your concern here. And similar with
parents, if you feel like this is a real issue in your home, and
it's causing a lot of problems with you and your child, and
they're slipping away from you. Inshallah, we will do our best to
help you today in this discussion. So, before we started, get
started, you know, in, in presenting some of the thoughts
that we had about the film, we did want to get a chance to look at
these, but are there any? Is there anybody here in the audience right
now, who has something that they want to share a reflection about
the film, or something, you know, that you want to, for us to
address? Just if you didn't write a note card, but you're willing to
stand up and say something and
bring sold substance? Okay. Yeah. Oh, we do have? Yes. I, where's
that hand? It's gonna go down. You change your mind.
All right, yes, this fella in the back? Yes.
I will do my best to hear you just project your voice. And we'll look
through these in the meantime. But we want to get your get the
dialogue going. So we don't want to stop.
The limitation of putting
stuff in my display.
And
I don't want to come across that. It's just me.
Right?
Is he here today?
Have you had a chance to talk to him about the film at all? I think
he was. Okay, good. Well, that's a great first step. So I applaud you
for coming here. And I applaud him for coming here. Because
mashallah, that shows willingness to at least you know, open and be
willing to hear you out, I encourage you, if 100 if you did
bring your child here, this is a great, you know, fertile ground to
really start talking in a mature way, you know, in a way where you
really respect your child, sometimes what happens and it was
actually brought up in the movie too, right? That parents, we get
so authoritative because we're afraid, right? We're afraid that
our children are going to do something harmful, that our tone
becomes authoritative, right? Which is what I was hinting at
before, where it's just like, No, I That's enough, I don't want you
to do it anymore. The end of subject, right? So what that does
is it undermines the intelligence right of your child to is no
longer your baby, right, they are growing and from the Islamic
perspective, the onset of puberty is when they really do become
adults, right. And so obviously, you know, there's adolescence and
all those different physiological changes as they go through that,
you know, fully develops their their mental capacities in a home
and whatnot, but you still treat them with the same dignity and
respect that you would anybody else. And so what I would
encourage is to use this as a as a an opportunity to really encourage
you know, thoughtful dialogue, which is not to say, well now that
you saw the movie you know, you did you see Did you see what I've
been telling you you know what kind of come with that, you know,
I told you so kind of attitude but more like
And what did you think of them? Have you? What are your takeaways?
Right? When you as the parent, I think, you know, give that
encourage that dialogue from that respectful place, your child is
going to feel heard and listened to, and validated. And then
hopefully it's reciprocated, right? When it's your turn to
discuss, and you can say, well, you know, the takeaways that I got
from the movie, or what was really concerning for me is this. And
this is why I fear that they really not feel like they're
talking to some it's a mutually you know, respectful, respectful
discussion. And it's not that they're talking down to them, or
you're at them, right. And so from that, then it's a matter of, well,
let's find some compromise, because I know now that you're 17
Mashallah, you know, the internet probably better than I do? And
now, how would you think we can find a compromise where both of us
are happy? Because, as your parents, I might, My concerns are
real, right? I have reason to be worried. And, and I understand
this is a new world that you're, you know, your world is different
than my world. And that technology is important to you, and that
there's all these amazing opportunities with with being
online, I get that. But how can we bridge this, you know, and what
compromise can we find? What are you willing to do to work with me,
and see, now what you're doing is you're again, in, you're
encouraging your child to speak back to you, you know, in that
respectful, compromising tone, not in the pushing back rebellious
tone, right? That will naturally you're gonna get when you're too
authoritative. That's what happens whenever, and I've seen this play
out time and time again, when parents think I'm going to be
tough, you know, the child will either, you know, push back and
equally be tough, or will maybe, you know, play the part of them
secretly, this is where, you know, spiritually, it's very dangerous,
because she I thought was right there, she had done loves nothing
more than fitna, he loves nothing more than cause discord. So he'll
inspire that child, and justify all his feelings. All your parents
are so mean, they're so strict, they don't even respect you how
they talk to you, they think you're nothing, they think you're
dumb, they don't You don't know anything, you should prove them,
right, you should go and, you know, find these back channels and
do this. And this is such a phenomenal gift. You know, that's
what he does, he inspires them to justify those actions where they
start doing things behind your back. And at that point, you know,
that's it, you know, the communication has broken down, and
the relationship will eventually go and you know, and really bad
direction. So I really encourage open dialogue, respectful
dialogue, encouraging your child to really speak not just to listen
the entire time, but to speak and to hear them with true intention
of like, you what you say matters to me, I'm not just hearing you
to, you know, to formulate my response to you, because I already
have my mindset made up. Don't do that, walk into that discussion
with a really open mind. And inshallah it'll be mirrored back
to you to Shama just like, bringing on the muscle, please.
Oh, I just wanted to, it was a really good question. One of the
things that I find working with my students and my parents, when I'm
doing individual therapy, I do a lot of collaboration with parents.
And a lot of
issues are exactly what the sister mentioned. So one thing I would
talk about is just healthy boundaries. And what healthy
boundaries, what boundaries are just rules, right? And so whenever
if you if you're, if you have a teenager who's driving, right, and
you invite them a car, you know, a loved one, when we bought my car,
now, we got to talk about healthy rules about driving the car,
right? It's the same thing with a cell phone, it same thing with
computer screens, you buy them off of your train, you give them a
video game, a lot less but right, but we got to have some rules,
right? So I talk a lot about healthy boundaries. So I always
talk about two types of boundaries, right? So we have our
flexible boundary. Which it starts with, yes, but okay, then we have
a firm boundary, which is absolutely no. Okay. So a firm
boundary would be such. Okay, I'm giving you an iPhone eight. Great.
I've got an iPhone. This is amazing. But think of it is
there's a firm boundary. You cannot have your iPhone in your
bedroom. Right? That's that's desperate about Here you go.
Here's your phone. Congratulations, you've been asked
in court.
But there's a firm boundary. And if you turn your phone in, and
there's no argument there's no debate, there's no discussion,
right? That's that's what we call a firm boundary. Flexible boundary
would be you kind of heard it right. You can move your apparent
to move their boundary and right, so it would kind of look like
you can have your phone at six o'clock.
And then all of a sudden, you know, the child says, Well, what
about till 630? You know, let, Can I at least do it six, they're said
they're pushing against the boundary. And you're like, Okay,
you've been really good about your fall. Okay, let's push it to 630
on the weekdays. But again, eight o'clock, no, no phone in the
bedroom, right? So you move one boundary. Now when you move a
boundary, and you have the right to change it that
didn't get the behavior I was looking for, or, you know, maybe
you slipped up somewhere else, and I want to move that boundary back
or move that boundary, we're going to put it back to six o'clock.
Okay, so that's, so let's again, just because the film kind of
discuss the boundaries, when we always throw boundaries out there,
but we don't really define what boundaries are. So as parents, I
want you guys to have good healthy boundaries. If you have good
healthy boundaries, in any relationship, you're going to have
good healthy relationship. So I'm hoping that that will help. So a
lot of our questions, as I'm reading are around cell phone
usage. And so I just want to read one question.
Why did you guys show this film screenagers? When you guys are
telling us and the children and adults that you should be using
less technology?
I just really good question. Because I like it. It's very
blunt.
Technology is a tool, I have a phone, right? But I have to be I
use it as a tool, right? Sometimes I use it as entertainment. Right?
But I'm using it for purpose. And so we're not saying I don't think
scary screenagers even said it, we should get rid of technology,
right? We're immersed in it, it's very useful, it's very helpful.
But we have to find that that balance, okay, so it's not getting
rid of it completely. But it's not being so immersed in it, that it's
it's it's lower in our grades, it's it's affecting our
relationships in negative ways. And so we have to find that
healthy balance. And so that was just one of the questions and and
whoever wrote that, may Allah bless you for being so blind, so
direct. And I really, really wanted to make sure I read that
question. So
I'm also going to read some of these questions, because they
aren't brushed off, we got a good second guys came through Thank
you. And we're gonna try to get to as many as we can. But there are a
lot of common questions. This one I really appreciate, because it
kind of talks about what I wanted to touch about today. But someone
asked, Why do you think people are still on their phones after the
whole movie?
One question.
Before coming here tonight, I actually was listening to a few
different talks, and I read some some stuff that was really
fascinating to me.
I read about a study that was done on boredom.
And the study was so fascinating, because it said that in the study,
they found that 1/3 of or two thirds of men and 1/4 of women
preferred pain over being bored. So they're actually, you know, in
the study, they were watching a film that was kind of boring, and
they were given this electric shocker system. And, you know, two
thirds of men and one of Ford, the women were shocking themselves
throughout the community, because they were so boring, but they
actually preferred paying more. And I think this is something that
our teachers have talked about, too, that the problem with what
what why social media especially and
you know, it was getting out of control is that we're basically
avoiding, you know, being alone with ourselves, right? It's, you
can pretty much do anything and everything. You can watch films,
you can listen to music, you can it's just so distracting. But what
is it distracting us from? Is the question, right? What does it
distracting us from it's distracting us from really just
sitting with ourselves and allowing ourselves to think, to
contemplate, to reflect? What's where do we even get time to do
this anymore? If you really think about the day to day life that
lives that most of us have, from the time we wake up. And some of
the time we sleep, there's constant bombardment, right of
images, sounds, voices. One of the things, I don't know if any of the
moms are like me, but
I'm with my kids on the left home, and I teach them, but there's
times when I really need to focus. And so one of the things that
really kind of drives me crazy is when they interrupt my focus,
right? Because I'm like writing or I'm working on something. And then
there's this constant. Just question right? And they'll get
this fine line like, and I always tell them like, you're hurting
like it hurts my brain because I can't focus so but this this is
really our reality all the time. We're constantly distracted and
bombarded and so what the phones have done is
has actually given us sort of this customized way of just choosing
what we want to distract ourselves with, right? We're not subject to
just sitting in a space and doing nothing, we can actually do
something that we enjoy, and we like, but really, from a spiritual
perspective, is this healthy? Right? From, from from knowing,
you know,
just being Muslim and having heard, I'm sure many talks on the
subject, but the importance of the ticket, right? How important is it
for us to actually be thinking and contemplating and remember it,
right, and remembering who remember most time and remembering
why we're here, what we're supposed to be doing here, our
whole purpose. So this is really a big problem. And it's one of the
other things that I want to talk about, which is looking at this
issue, not just from a practical like, Oh, we're here in 2018.
Americans with teens, you know, parents kind of from that angle,
but also from the angle from a spiritual perspective as Muslims,
how is this affecting us? How is this affecting us, from a
spiritual perspective, to be constantly on the phone, so for
the teenagers out there, it's one of the things that obviously, your
parents are concerned about, is that this is so distracting, that
you're going to be seeing things and hearing things that are
harmful for you spiritually, because everything and everything,
anything is available to you. And as parents, we know this, because
we were, you know, we grew up in this age of knowing what it's like
not to have social media and seeing what life has turned into
with social media. So our concerns are real, that there is that
potential that this could really hurt your spiritual heart. But
even for us as adults, you know, we have to admit, our own
addictions, right? How many of us also have addictions to our home,
we have to be real. And just, you know, really break it down and
say, as this question as even after watching this movie, why is
everybody still checking their phone every two seconds and
checking their Facebook or their social media? What's going on?
It's because again, this isn't now a spiritual problem. We've talked
about addictions talked about that. But we have to be willing to
really look at it. From that angle of how is it affecting my
spiritual heart? Am I even reading for as much anymore? Am I doing it
as much anymore as I used to maybe 1015 years ago, you've seen a dip
in your own spiritual practice, because you're constantly
connected to this. That's cause for concern, right? So in short,
this discussion affects all of us even though you know, I hopefully,
you know, the aim of some of the parents here is wasn't just go get
through to my teens, but it's honestly, for all of us to self
reflect myself included. Everything I had, you know, a
friend recently committed to just removing herself completely off of
social media for spiritual reasons. And I really commended
her for that, because she recognized in herself, but this
was a real problem. And she wanted to basically change that. So how
many of us are willing to do the same? How many of us are willing
to cut ourselves off? Get off WhatsApp, get off? Facebook, get
off Instagram, Snapchat, right? Raise your hand, if you guys are
on all of these. Raise your hand if you're on Facebook. Let's just
kind of get to know each other. I'm on Facebook, if you don't even
know
how many of your Instagram?
How many of you are on SNAP. Be honest. How many of you snap
today? Like you snapped you snap stories? You snap on to it for
lunch or coffee? Once you bought? Right?
Okay, I mean, you see it, we're all in it. We're all in this
together. So I hope that this whatever we share today, you
really understand that it's gonna see how for every single one of
us, even us up here to really look at how is this affecting us
spiritually? Because we can talk about all the other stuff? That is
the biggest concern we should all have. Right? If it's distracting
us, from our supply of data from contemplating things like deaths,
I mean, how many of us think about death anymore? Really, very high.
You think about death on a daily basis, like seriously, martial
law. That's very good, man. bless all of you and continue to to
increase you but that these are important reflections. And it's
not to be morbid. No, this is from our sunnah we remember death
because it reminds us of our purpose. But sometimes when you're
so caught up in, in, you know, looking at the world through this
lens of, you know, just life and there's so much vibrancy on social
media, you can forget the death is imminent for all of us. So I'm
gonna do that for this question. I thought it was really relevant
that even now after watching this and hearing information, we still
can't help ourselves. It's because we're avoiding that really
important discussion with ourselves which is just being
alone and being comfortable being alone.
I have a lot. So we have
smokeout one, but but we have so many note cards from all of you.
And so what I'm trying to do is I we're not going to be because
we're really asked to be done, wrap it up at nine.
system side, and I actually talked, before we even started,
what we'd like to do is stay an extra half an hour, privately, I
can, I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of set up over here, if any of the
youth, I would really prefer the youth, because I want to give them
a voice.
What I'd like to do is give everyone half an hour, private,
you know, just talk to me one on one.
No parents allowed. So bring them on. Don't bring that over. Just if
you if your youth. And you want to ask this question, I'll be over
here. I think Sr. OSI is going to be here available for half an
hour.
A last word by time. So we want to respect time. And so we've been
asked to kind of go up till nine o'clock. But one of the things
that it's a, it's a very prominent theme in the notecards is
addiction. I've seen the word throughout many of these note
cards. So I just want to touch upon addiction. Okay, so there's
actually signs of addiction that I wrote. And I'm actually put, I put
it on my cell phone. So it's a tool I'm using. So some of the
signs of addiction that I've seen in in substance use, and also to
in screen addiction.
A sense of fatigue,
migraines due to intense concentration or eyestrain, carpal
tunnel, poor hygiene, right, you're not you're not failing,
you're not taking good, yeah, brushing your teeth, right?
Because you're always in the game, right? Or you're always on the
screen. Pro Social, I'm sorry. So
these are just a couple that I want you guys to think about.
Right? So there's many others, but also to a dip in your attitude,
right? So when when dad says put your phone away, and then all
sudden you bike that a dad
will only want it for a minute, you know, your attitude changes.
So these are signs that you know, there might be some addiction
issues or so we're My job is to give you something, right, I
wouldn't be doing my job as a therapist, if I can't give you
something that you can't take out of here. So one of the things I
want you guys to think about is positive reinforcement, and
negative reinforcement. Now, when it comes to the youth, I deal with
high schoolers all the time. And so I'm always trying to motivate
them or, or help parents motivate, you know, their students to do
better. Positive reinforcement. What that means is I'm going to
give you something if you do something, or I'll give you
something if you did something. Negative reinforcement does not
mean getting, there's nothing, it means taking something if you do
not do something, okay. Research has found that negative
reinforcement does work, but not as well as positive. So I
encouraged and I do this with myself, when I was in grad school,
I had so many papers to write, I had so many presentations to do
when you get into grad school or you go into your doctorate
program, there is intense things that you have to do is very timely
oriented. And there's a lot of pressure. So you have to motivate
yourself. So I actually had to do this myself, I would say no screen
time for myself, unless I wrote two pages of it. Because I'm
always writing papers, papers, papers, right? So I was not
wanting to do that activity. And so I was actually distracting
myself, right? I was having more fun watching a movie or you know,
video gaming or whatever. So I actually had to rehearse this, I
use positive reinforcement for myself. I get a half an hour
because I love PlayStation. That's, that's what I do. So I
would give myself a half an hour PlayStation. If I wrote two pages
a day. And then when I did that I was hard on myself. And I even
told my wife, I'm a grown man. And I told my wife, I said, Don't let
me play. And I said that, oh, my two pages. And I knocked out my
dissertation, and a matter of a month and a half of my my peers
within my cohort. They're shocked. They're like, how are you doing
this? What are you doing? And unlike its positive reinforcement,
did you guys not learn that and behavioral psychology one on one?
Right? That was a class we all took together. Positive
reinforcement. So I'm giving this to you now think about positive
reinforcement. What can you do for yourself? What can you do for your
kids? Give yourself something for doing something, if that makes any
sense at all. So we're gonna be wrapping it up real soon. I just
want to personally get I'm gonna get the microphone over and sit
outside for her last comments. I just want to thank all of you for
taking your time here it is Friday night. It's 939. And
you guys could be doing other things. But you guys decided to be
here tonight. In talking about this, and especially our youth. I
see so many shiny faces that I just want to thank you for just
having this conversation with us.
Okay, so I might be someone at home, I'm going to be here till
939 4510 o'clock if you need me, I'm here for you. So just come
find me. Good. So I
just
I did have a few questions here that we're kind of all similar. I
have some closing remarks, too. But I wanted to get to these
because they're clearly written from children, but they're all the
same. Why do you think parents tell us to decrease screen time,
if they are on their screens just as much as us, what of your
parents are on their laptop 24/7. And they say, they're just
working, is that, okay? Your dad tells you to put your phone away,
but then they go on the phone, because that's the thing when you
do that. So you know, kids are paying attention, I think those
parents in the room, as we all know, kids model behavior that we
show them. So if you're going to say, you know, don't do this, but
then you do the same thing, it's obviously confusing. So you have
to be willing to open that discussion. And for the children
in the room who see this type of behavior. Um, it is important to
know that, obviously, adults and children are different, and our
lives are different. And many of the adults, you know, especially
living in this area, and you know, this time, do have to work on
their computers.
So if they're working, it's not the same as playing video games,
right? Or playing, you know, words for friends or checking Facebook.
So you kind of don't just, you know, make it all one thing, like,
you know, like, it's all the same. They're just on your phone all the
time. But actually, you know, consider the fact that they truly
are doing something important. And maybe that's just a discussion
that for all the families, you know, you have to have, I had that
with my children. My children definitely pointed that out to me,
like, Mom, are you on the phone, and I explained to them, I
actually, and this is just advice. As a parent, I am very open with
my kids. So I tell them everything I show them like, Listen, this is
what Mommy does. Mommy's a writer I write, I like to write a lot. So
where do I write, I write on a computer, here's my files, you can
look at my folder you can see, and then they get so caught up with
like, all the words, I've typed out, you know,
all those words, my dad doesn't come easily, you know, so. So they
get it. But when we just say I'm working, it's just you know, it's
kind of dismissive, right. And this is where we have to be more
respectful of how we speak to our children. And it's so important
that you open your conversations and are open to answering their
questions with respect, especially when they're young. I think one of
the tragic things that we do as parents is treat little children
like their nuisances all the time, you know, just stop asking
somebody questions when you know, that's so rude and mean, and it's
not part of the character of the proposal, I said, I'm honored.
Everybody from old to young, he would sit and talk to children, he
would feel get come down to their level and speak to them, either I
were very, it's just a really unhealthy part of some of our
cultures and the culture, the greater culture, just treat
children that way. So if you do that, why are you surprised when
they're teenagers, and they're slamming doors in your faces,
right? Or just shutting you out? Because it's you, it's again, what
you teach them is going to be mirrored back to you. So if you
are respectful with your children from a young age, and shall rock,
they will respect your rules, even they will follow the rules, and
they'll, they'll be mindful to not hurt you and not to disappoint
you, because you were so careful with them when they were children.
So that's just just a general and see how about really watching the
way you explain the rules to your kids, and just your general tone.
Now, as far as closing remarks, as I said, you know, I would like to
give you some takeaways. So what I mentioned before is from looking
at this from a spiritual angle,
there's three components of what I say I call digital literacy, I'm
going to Sonic perspective, and I encourage all of you to really,
like just start being more literate about what's going on in
the world, if you're not on social media from personal choice, and I
respect that. But that doesn't mean that you can't know about
what's going on on social media. So there's no difference. You
don't necessarily have to participate. But you should
absolutely know how they work. You should know how Instagram works.
You should know how Snapchat works. You should know how
Facebook and Twitter and all of these other WhatsApp, all these
other assets, kids are into work. Because when they come to ask you,
if you don't know that they're not going to look at your opinion as
having any credibility. What do you notice? Right? But if you're
like, actually, yeah, the reason why I don't want you to go on
Instagram is fy avard. Parents, just in case you didn't know one
of the apps that I think is probably the most dangerous out
there is Instagram and Snapchat why is because not only do your
kids have access to you know, they can do friend whoever, but there's
pages that are called like the Explorer page, right? Which is
which is you know, the out
algorithms are these apps, they basically look at the friends that
your kids are connected with and look at what they're looking at.
And then they put together a screen full of images based on
what everybody else is doing. So it's not just your child's
behavior, it's that impacts what comes on that page. It's the
behavior of everybody that I've connected with. So there can be
very clearly * pictures on there, or just content that's
really inappropriate that your child might have never even knew
about, but just one slide on a different button will expose them
to that stuff. So you have to know this stuff. That's what I need
about digital digital literacy, knowing how apps work, knowing how
to navigate the web, and just being of knowing what the digital
footprint is. So when you're having discussions with your
children about why it's so important that they control their
behavior, that you understand that you can explain to them that their
future could be impacted by their behavior. Now, you know, job
prospects marry trust *, if you post a picture online, when you're
15, you could come to haunt you later when you're 23. Because
someone sees that image and goes, Oh, no, no, no, no, I can't marry
in some family like that. Or I don't want someone working in my
company who is able to do that, right? These things happen to
people all the time now. So understanding what the digital
footprint really means and explain that to your child. And then all
the different dangers of scam artists and things like that. So
it's really important to know Internet safety and security. And
then social media, mental health ramifications, which is what we
talked about, or what the documentary really talks about
what's going on with the brain getting addicted to these and how
it affects, you know, just the pleasure center, the frontal
cortex, the dopamine, all of that stuff that's affecting the brain
of your young adolescent children and developing brains, how it's
impacting them how it's going to possibly, you know, lead them to
Addictive Behaviors, it's so important that you know that and
then the spiritual ramifications, which we talked about earlier, how
it affects your your spiritual presence in prayer, in other areas
that where you should be really be able to focus. If you have your
brains all over the places you can't wait to get to your phone
during prayer. This is a clear problem. But these are the types
of conversations that you should talk about when you're bringing up
your concerns to your children, because they matter and they're
based on you know, their studies. And so there's things that you can
really back up instead of just saying because I said so. So it
shall increase our literacy is really important. Um, we do have,
like, we said, so many questions. Unfortunately, we weren't able to
get all of them. But if you do want to talk, whether you're a
teen, or a parents, we're here in Sharla, for any discussion, so
Bismillah does that. Again, for all of us, all of you for coming
and staying this late. May Allah bless all of you and protect our
children in sha Allah. And in this wonderful