Hosai Mojaddidi – Purification of the Heart for Muslimahs (Monthly Sisterhood Halaqa Part 7)
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
It's
an honor to have all of you. Just a quick introduction. So my name
is Jose and hunted. I'm a community member here in
Pleasanton. I live here just like five minutes away and hamdulillah
Al Hamdulillah. And that was like a total miracle from Allah because
I was a Bay Area native, but I was in Southern California for nine
years. And when my father passed away a lot of him who in 2015, it
was very hard for me to be away from my family, especially my mom.
So I came here for a few different events. One was zaytuna event, and
Northstar event. And then another event. And I remember I just, I
was so desperate to come back to the bay because we were only
supposed to be going for two years. And you know, the bay area
is home. So I was like, please, please, y'all make dua Magdoff,
please, and I come back to the bay please. And I love facilitates a
way for us and Hamdulillah. The following week, literally, my
husband calls me when I was working. And he said that he had
two offers from companies here in the Bay Area. So there's Baraka in
the bay. There's someone's beautiful blahs, I believe, got
accepted. So and then I specifically wanted to move close
to this masjid. And Allah gave us like, it was just a whole other
miracle story. So ask people for advice. That's the lesson. Ask
people because you don't know who the odia of Allah are, you don't
know. That could be anywhere, it could be someone right here in
this room. So Mohammed, I'm very blessed to be a part of this
community. And as I mentioned, you know, when I moved back to the
bay, my heart was still very much like where I left it in 2006. So I
don't know if anybody's ever moved away. And then you come back from
where you're just like, what, yeah, but that's kind of how I
was, I felt very, like, I'm just going to come back in and I'm
gonna have my friend I had a close with my name John and some of the
other sisters and, and everybody's just gonna be the same age, and
we're just gonna be the same. You know, I'm just, I've just gone for
nine years. But hey, I'm back. It didn't quite work out that way.
You know, I came in, I moved to Cupertino first, by the way, so I
didn't, I didn't come here right away. But I was still in the bay.
So I went to Cupertino. And that was so distant from, you know, the
heart of what I was used to, which was East Bay. Long story short,
you know, a lot of God later. But I intended fully to come back and
start held up as because there's nothing I think greater than
obviously, they could have Allah but especially for me anyway,
personally, my two favorite
groups to work with are women, and children. And so this morning on
Hamdulillah, I had a really nice session with the west east coast
organization called the efia project, and they have a special
women's retreat. And we did a really nice two and a half hour
session on emotional intelligence. So I was I've just been amped up,
I've been amped up this is this morning, with a lot of positive
energy. Immediately after that I did a clubhouse class on agenda to
change our condition. And that got me amped up to just like a lot of
you know, mashallah positive energy, even though there's a lot
of darkness in our world, when you you know, are with beautiful
hearts and you come together for the remembrance of Allah subhanaw
taala, it really does help to just bear the troubles and to kind of
cast out the darkness because you start to see what are the
priorities are. And so this particular Hanukkah, I've
dedicated it once a month, just to make it simple for sisters,
because I know we work we have families, there's a lot of
obligations on our schedules and to do something consistently, can
sometimes backfire. Because if you don't show up, you feel like
you're a failure, and then the knifes, you know, gets ahold of
you the shaitan. So the next month, you're like, what's the
point? So please know, like, if you come to this house today, and
the next month, you can't come and the following next month, you
can't come, it's all good. The doors are always open for you. And
we have you know, this text available, you can get it
yourself, but the sessions are recorded. So just don't don't take
it, you know, to that point where it's like, all or none, because
all or none thinking, I think really contributes to why a lot of
people aren't spiritually doing well, because we get into these
binaries about you know, these things and Allah loves effort, you
know, it's not about perfection, it's effort. So inshallah
hopefully you guys will, you know, just feel open to come whenever
you're available to and enjoy the discussion wherever it takes us.
So, I mentioned in the beginning, before we started, that we've been
working on this text purification of the heart. How many of you here
have the book, like you know, of the book, you've read the book?
You have the book? Okay. Michelle, the majority get, we also have
online viewers. So for those of you are watching online, please
make sure to get this textbook I mentioned at the beginning, it's
very essential reading, we have of course, the Quran, we have the
Hadith. We have sacred texts, many from our great Allamah. This
contemporary work, but done obviously it's a translation of a
classical work. The reason why I find this to be something that is
essential for every Muslim home library, is because we're living
in a very complicated time where our children are being targeted.
Our homes are being targeted. Our families are being targeted our
marriages
being targeted. And if we don't have the spiritual immunity, to be
able to protect ourselves, first and foremost, our own mental and
spiritual well being, and then protect our family, we're going to
continue to see a lot of what we're seeing, which are people
just not doing very well and having a very difficult time. So
this is to me, like, you know, it's like, like, getting ready for
spiritual, like, I don't want to use military language, but we are
we are at war, right? We're constantly at war within
ourselves. But there is this demonic other element that I think
is very, very powerful right now. And it's working around the clock,
they don't, you know, the shouting, don't sleep, they don't
sleep, they're out every day, every minute of the day. They're
working on all of us. And these are, this is kind of like, again,
taking those spiritual
or immunizing yourself, you know, against those whisperings against
those inclinations of the neffs and really helping to inshallah
protect yourself and your family. So that's why it's so essential
knowledge. But we've, because every month now and then, you
know, I had my personal loss my motherland from had passed away.
At the end of May, we have had some disruptions to the schedule.
And so I and I've been doing this class on clubhouse as well. And my
bookmarks are kind of all off. So I'm just going to ask flat out
because I don't remember. Does anyone who was here last month
remember? Did we get to miserliness, or no, we did not
start? Right. Okay. That's what I thought. I think we just finished
the introduction to purification, right? If I'm not mistaken. Okay.
That's what I thought, but I just wanted to be certain. So over the
past few months, as we since we started, we've been reading the
translators, introduction, which is so rich, I mean, this is like,
honestly, if I could read the this book for the rest of my life,
like, keep continuously reading it, and shall, that's what I plan
to do, because I plan to offer free classes for as long as I can,
with the permission of Sheikh Hamza who's given me that
permission. But I would do this because every time I read it, I
find there's so much self discovery, and my own eyes are
open to a lot of things. And then when you contextualize it to
what's happening at the moment, like whatever contemporary issues
are going on, you just find even more insight. So I just feel like
there's just so much that you can get from just reading this on your
own even independently or with with others, but to really take
time to process what it's telling you. So if you remember, in the
translators, introduction, you know, sometimes it goes into the
topic of the heart and really goes into like, he does a deep dive
into what the heart is what the spiritual heart is, he also makes
the connection between the spiritual and the physical heart.
And it's just really amazing commentary. And then he, you know,
there's much more than that. But then we go into the introduction
to purification, which we summarized over the past couple of
months. And this is really powerful information, because this
is setting us up for this process of that we hear of about the
scale, like, if you're going to take on this, you know, endeavor
to become a pure ie to purify your soul, you have to understand
there's prerequisites, right? You have to if you're going to
succeed, if you want to do this, right, you have to do it according
to what our tradition teaches. And so he starts off by defining that
the prerequisite of succeeding and becoming a more purified soul is
that you understand what a Dev is, right? And so he defines that for
us, as courtesy, right? And why other because he said, he says
that, in order to succeed, right, you have to have other first and
foremost with ALLAH SubhanA, WA, tada, right. And understand that,
he says, Let me just read here, one must have courtesy with regard
to God, behave properly with respect to his presence, if your
wishes to purify the heart. But how does one achieve this
courtesy? So if that's the prerequisite to purifying the
heart that we have to have other than we, the next logical question
is how do we get to that other write? How do I get there? And
then he goes on to define that remember, Lutz specifically
mentions two requisite qualities that are associated with a dog,
which are modesty and humility. And I find this really fascinating
because if you look at the world we live in, these are the two
things that are literally literally vanishing, right?
Are they not modesty is I mean, every day you see more and more
immodest behavior, it's quite a shocking like, the level of
depravity we have reached as a as a species.
I was watching I was on Twitter the other day and I don't know how
many of you saw this. I hope you didn't see it because it's quite
jarring and and all the bla harmful to the eyes, but I just
you know, that you're scrolling. They had a scene of a New York
subway, you know, it was like a rave or a party happening on a
train, a public transportation train, where they somebody I don't
know who they hired or they brought on.
strippers. It was music
It was, like alcohol be and what was so disturbing in the few
seconds that I saw, because it was enough for me to be like, Oh, the
bit of what is this, I just I thought it was like a crazy scene.
And I'm, I'm just trying to understand what it was, was the
people that were on the train as passengers, they were all watching
and enjoying it. And that was really disturbing, because I'm
like, if that happened in a normal time or society where decency was
still maintained, there would be outrage, there would be people
trying to shut it down, there would be somebody speaking up,
like, hey, there's children here, or there's, you know, I don't want
to see this, why are you doing this? Nothing. All of the people
around, were taking their videos out, and they were watching and
everybody was like, hey, and it was like a party. And I'm like, I
cannot believe this is happening in public transportation. And this
is all, you know, revealed to us. prosystem said that this type of
lewdness and indecency would be made public towards the latter
days. So we're seeing that now openly. We're seeing, I mean, just
all the biller, all of the stuff in recent news, I don't know how
many of you follow the news. But we know that there's all these
outbreaks and there's not just COVID anymore. Now we have to
worry about monkey pox, like we literally worry about a disease.
That's not it's they're trying to sanitize the image of this disease
as being something that's not an STD, however, it is affecting a
very specific demographic of people. But it's not an STD. Okay.
And now children are potentially at risk. So now everywhere we go,
we have to worry about whether or not people who are doing depraved
things behind their closed doors and so on them are going to affect
our public health. And nobody wants to address you know that
these are real public health crises, we're just going to just
act like it's not, but do the opposite. What's happening is
nobody's even, it seems to me, like the vast majority of people
are not willing to actually be honest about the fact that these
are, this is the result of behavior that's very dangerous and
detrimental to individuals, but communities, families, societies,
right. Nobody wants to talk about promiscuity, and how having this
hookup culture that spreads venereal diseases that causes all
these horrible families to fall apart, is actually a public health
crisis. And we're just now again, trying to sanitize it and make it
into something that it's really not but anyway, and actually, the
opposite is happening, articles are being now written by people
who are affected, where they are going into great detail about how
they acquired this, and the details are so disturbing, you
know, these are not just relationships, you know, these are
like, really, again, just all the, you know, escapades that involve
multiple people. It's just really, really horrible. But they're so
shameless. That's the point I'm making, that they're willing not
only to do that, but then speak about it openly, with no recourse
or no fear of any, you know, the words, the cancel culture with
that kind of stuff, you know, you want to speak about your political
views on Palestine, you risk losing your job, you could risk
losing your home, but if someone wants to talk about the orgy that
they attended, it's okay. And they get likes and shares, oh, they're
a marginalized community, in the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's
just insanity. So the shamelessness that's promoted in
the society, and the lack of actual respect for decency is it's
just so prevalent now. And we have to really sit with that, because
here, you know, these two qualities are mentioned. And
unfortunately, I'm speaking kind of about the general society
around us. But these things are affecting our own community. We're
seeing more and more shamelessness in our own community. Right? We're
seeing tiktoks and reels and, and Instagrams and Facebook posts,
where people are openly doing things right. There was a time for
example, PDA in the Muslim community, like are you kidding?
Right? You couldn't sit next to your spouse in some cultures
because it was frowned upon and seen as being you know,
inappropriate. Now you have couples you know, all over each
other dancing, hugging twirling around kissing I you know, you see
it you see these videos, there's a that is a shameless act to do.
From our faith perspective, you don't share private in things like
that private eyes if you just don't do things like that. And
obviously with clothing, that's a whole other topic. But we are
seeing shame, just vanishing. And then the other side of it, right?
When you have
human with a lack of humility, how much how many people are obsessed
with fame are obsessed with, you know, garnering attention and
receiving attention, right. So the lack of, of really just trying to
maintain a low profile, kind of just under the radar for the sake
of alleges doing your thing. It's the opposite. It's being promoted,
to go out there and show off whatever you can to get however
many likes followers you can. So I think it's really important that
we're starting off by addressing these two issues.
Everybody has to have that conversation with themselves.
Where am I on the modesty spectrum? Right? Am I immodest, in
my behavior? Am I a modest? Am I dressed? Am I a modest in my, in
my language? Because, you know, you could be outwardly modest, but
then you have a truckers mouth, right? Or a sailor's mouth?
What happened to language? What happened to, you know, modesty of
the tongue and not f bombing? And I mean, just yesterday, I saw
hijab, you know, it was a tick tock, it was just these are
disturbing things. And the reason why I share them, because I'm not
making this up, you know, sometimes we think like, Oh, these
people, they come and speak and everything's just so exaggerated.
No, it's not these are realities, this he Jabby was doing a Tiktok.
And she was speaking about a subject that I found to be a very
inappropriate topic, may Allah forgive her, May Allah guide her,
but she, in the course of her storytelling, F, this an F done an
Shi T and, and I'm just like, you have a hijab on your head, you
know, what happened? What happened to our community where even we are
having this, you know, this conflict, clearly, right? This is
cognitive dissonance, like you're on one hand, showing yourself up
to be this modest symbol, right, have faith and have modesty. But
then on the other hand, you are speaking in ways that are
completely antithetical to your faith. This is because we're not
addressing this within ourselves, right? And that's why if this is
prerequisite, if you want to do this, you better address this
first, where are you on that spectrum of modesty? And the
second point, though, where are you on the spectrum of humility,
right? I watched another video of a very wealthy person who was
giving like life advice. And he said that one of the things that
he found for himself, which was a good reflection sort of exercise
was that if he was ever being introduced to people, and he
failed to give his name, that he had to do an ego check, because
the implication was, you should know my name. Right? So some
people, they expect that people should know their name, people
should know their credentials, right?
And especially in the virtual space, because there are a lot of
people who have million massive followers, like we're These are
common everyday Muslims, there are people in our community who have a
lot of followers, right, we're talking upwards of 100 1000s,
close to, you know, half a million maybe. So this is something for
them. But I'm just saying, in general, if we are in these, you
know, are having these experiences, where do we fall on
the spectrum of humility? Do we expect people to just know who we
are? Because we're, you know, we have fame somewhere else? Do we
expect our family, right? How many of us come from cultures where
your family name precedes you? So you walk in and you kind of expect
to be spoken to a certain way you expect to be treated a certain
way? Because you come from XYZ family, right? And this happens
many of our, I mean, throughout Islamic history, for example,
people would exploit lineage right? And it still happens today,
you go to parts of the Muslim world and if you have noble
lineage, lineage dating you to the prophesy Saddam, or if you don't,
you may use that to your advantage. People fabricate
lineage all the time, right, in order to gain status in order to
gain access to things. So we have to, again, confront within
ourselves, where do we fall on this? Are you? Do you have wealth?
Do you have other privilege? Do you have beauty? Do you did Allah
subhanaw taala give you something over others, that you
kind of feel better about other people? Or, you know, feel feel
like you really, because this is, you know, a modern phenomenon, but
but certainly not, not, you know, something that hasn't existed
before. But the modern phenomenon is the fact that we are taught to
exploit these things, right? It's one thing to be very within
yourself, you know, maybe have some vanity and deal with these
thoughts. But it's another thing to want to use that to your
advantage and exploit it or put it out there for the whole world to
see. Right? So that's where a lot of people have to do that inner
work, like where do you fall on that spectrum? So those two points
I think, are really important to first mention because as we
proceed with the first chapter here, which is on miserliness, I
want I wanted to make that point there's so much more in the
introduction that I really again advise everybody to look at or
just remember that we need to have the proper adult as we continue
this this text and read through it and at every point when you when
we define a disease like we're about to and we talk about it
always you know enter that conversation with the presumption
that you have the disease right check your ego and be like I have
a My miserly you know even if you think you're the most generous
person in the world. Right if you think like I'm always giving I'm
always paying for everybody I'm helping I do my I get my cat I get
my supper I presume your miserly just presume it because these are
subtle thing, there's subtle signs of diseases that you might not
know that you have. But if you go on the presumption that I got all
of them I'm riddled with diseases. What it does is it puts you into
that state of, of humility before Allah subhanaw taala. Like, y'all,
I'm coming to you with this heart that is seeking to be better, and
recognizing my own blemishes recognizing my own weakness before
you, but I want to be better. And so show me show me the error of my
ways, show me my blemishes. But entering that is with that state
of, again, modesty and humility is really important. So with that
said, I'm going to the way that we normally do this, as I'll read the
section that we're going to talk about today. And then if there's
any additional commentary, I can provide that. But you know, feel
free to jump in if you have any questions or need any
clarifications. And then we can also leave some questions time for
the end, we'll probably break. I think around 830, I'm assuming is
monitored here. So we'll go for about 30 minutes, 35 minutes,
break from whatever and then whatever time we have left, we can
also leave it for q&a. Any questions? All right, so let's
begin. So the book again is a poem right methyl group was a poem
written by Ellen Maloof. So she has done the translation of the
verses of the poem with commentary. So I'm going to read
the verses first. And these are verses 16 to 25. So in Mameluke,
the English
translation of his poem is now then, the refusal to give what is
obliged according to sacred law or to virtuous merit is the essence
of miserliness, which is mentioned among the diseases of the heart.
As for the obligations of sacred law, they are such things as the
cat, supporting one's dependents, right to do to others and
relieving the distressed. Examples of virtuous merit include not
nitpicking over trivialities. Avoiding This is even more
important with respect to a neighbor, a relative or a wealthy
person, or when hosting guests, or concerning something in which such
behavior is inappropriate, such as purchasing a burial shroud or a
sacrificial animal, or purchasing something you intend to donate to
the needy. Thus, one who makes matters difficult for one whose
rights clearly render this inappropriate to do so. Such as a
neighbor has indeed torn away the veils of dignity. This is as the
majestic and guiding sages have stated, this is comparable to one
who fulfills his obligations without good cheer, or who spends
from the least of what he possesses. Its root is love of
this world for its own sake, or so that the self can acquire some of
its fleeting pleasures.
So as we can see, miserliness is much more it's multi layered. It's
not just being stingy necessarily with money, right? There's many
parts to it. And we read that through the verses, but let's look
at the definition and causes from what your Hamza now shares in his
commentary. So a Mahmoud brings to the foreground the definitions of
these diseases, their etiology, origins and causes and how to cure
them. The first disease he speaks of is miserliness. Behold, it is
first not because it is the worst of characteristics, but because of
alphabetical ordering in Arabic. He mentions two aspects of
miserliness one relates to the Sharia the sacred law that is
right to do to God and His creation. The other pertains to
Motorola, which is an important Arabic concept that connotes
manliness and valor. In pre Islamic Arab culture, valor was a
defining concept. It is similar to western ideals of chivalry and
virtue. The Latin word Vir means man. Similarly, the Arabic root
for virtue Marula is a cognate of the word for a man those scholars
state that it refers to both to manliness and humanity. So that
this distinction is important that you know that miserliness has
these two different sides to it the first again being relating to
the Sharia. So regarding the first aspect, the sacred law obliges the
payment of the cat charity distributed to the needy, miserly
in this in the form of not giving the cat is explicitly forbidden.
The same is true with one's obligation to support his wife and
children. Even if a couple suffers a divorce, the man must still pay
child support. When it comes to the obligations of sacred law,
miserliness is the most violent form. And so this is important
because we are obviously expected to get right we as we know we are
all as adult Muslims obligated to give zakat as well as fulfill the
rights that are owed to our dependents. And so, when you think
about yourself, think about not just whether or not you give right
because inshallah inshallah we offer Allah subhanaw taala. So
when you
It's usually around Ramadan, people start thinking about these
things. We do give, but think about the way with which you give,
right?
Does the hand tremble? Right?
Are you doing like peekaboo or not Peekaboo, but like, you know, I
don't know, in and out and in and out with your wallet hand in your
wallet. Are you shuffling, you know, bills and pulling out a big
bundle? And then you know, trying to lighten the load a little bit?
What's going on? When the time comes when you had a fundraising
dinner? And they bring the envelope? Right? Are you suddenly
getting text messages or pretending to you know, like, Oh,
I'm busy. And I'm looking down? I'm, you know, yeah, I didn't see
the person walking past me, offering me the envelope, right?
What's happening when the time comes for, for you to give to your
heart, because this is where you address whether or not you might
have a portion of this, right. And it's really important to
understand this, because if you think that by giving in parting
with your wealth, there is a loss happening, which is what shaitan
wants you to do, right? The Quran, Allah subhana says that shaytaan
he, he makes the causes us to fear with poverty, right? So he he'll
put these thoughts in our mind at those opportune times. Right that
Oh, but I have bills to pay. And I gave already, you know, last week,
you know, I gave some money already. So you have this kind of
back and forth, mental dance that you're doing about what how much
you give, and whether or not you should give, or maybe you should
give later. So that trepidation a lot of times does come from a
wrong understanding that when you give for the sake of Allah
subhanaw, taala, you are never losing ever, right? If you believe
that you're truly believing that, then when, you know, you see the
homeless person and you're inclined to give, you take out all
of the money that you have in your wallet, right, you don't say Oh,
* just give $1 to him, you know, or have like, the least
dollar amount that you can. And you know, everybody's gonna have
to grapple with what happens, what that internal conversation is, but
if you really feel inclined to give, as was mentioned, you give
the best of what you can, right. And you want to also add some
honor and dignity in the giving, because sometimes we have it
wrong, we think like we're doing a favor for someone, right, we're
not doing them a favor, they are doing us a favor, they are almost
brought them in our path to give us an opportunity to purify our
own wealth, because every time we give, we're purifying our own
wealth, right. And so they could have not been there, we could have
walked a different direction, right? But, but sorry, but the
fact that Allah subhanaw that put them in our path, is to give us an
opportunity to gain reward. It's not you know, it's an opportunity
also to change the life, potentially, of that person. Now
you see all these, you know, martial law, there are good things
happening too. I know I speak about social media, often in a
very negative context. But there are very good things that are
happening as well. They're people who are out there doing a lot of
good work, they're helping people who are, you know, suffering are
going through a lot by by honoring them, you know, by giving them
dignity, by giving them opportunities by giving them not
just $5 but like stacks of money and saying, here's this is a new
lease on life start. That's beautiful, and may Allah you know,
reward those who do things like that. But when we give, we have to
examine the way that we give and this applies to not just money,
but also donations, right. And I've talked about this before, but
it's really troublesome to see and if anybody's ever worked in any
relief work, or any volunteer work, where you've collected goods
for the community, or for people in need refugees or other people,
I'm sure you have seen some of the horrors that people will put in
those big large black trash bags. And you're like, oh my god, like
this belonged in the wrong room with this what should have gone
into the garbage? Why is it coming to donations for children in
Syria? You know, like, well, what is happening? Because sometimes
when it's time to give that part of us that has forgotten this, you
know, this lesson, which is you give to honor, right the prophets
I sent him when he gave he gave the best and he preferred everyone
before himself. It's not decluttering and giving the stuff
that's garbage that you've used to the last thread and you just need
an easy you know, drop off station so it's like homages come to the
masjid and shove it into some box. But how many times does this have
to happen in our community right for us to learn that lesson? So
you you examine yourself like if I'm going to give something Do I
really check my ego check my knifes because if the disease is
taken over then you're you haven't you know, as I said, you haven't
gotten it and you you give either very little you don't give it all
or you give not have something that is in a dignified way. So
that's really important and that's how we we check our whether or not
we have this. Then he goes
goes into the second right aspect of miserliness, which is mentioned
valor. So the man goes into some detail, one should never create
difficulty over paltry matters. He says, when it comes to debt, it is
far better for the creditor to be flexible and magnanimous than
demanding and unbearable. This is especially true when the creditor
is not in need of repayment while the debtor faces hardship. So if
you've ever been in a position where you've given someone a loan,
but you don't really need that loan, but every time you see that
person, you're just like, Oh, is that a new purse? Wonder where she
got that from? Or you know, your account, you're just kind of doing
these checks, because it bothers you that you haven't been paid
your debt back. Right? That's also part of your Jihad enough. So
that's an opportunity for you to say, I don't really need that.
$300, right, yes, it might bother me that this person isn't giving
me my payment back. But maybe they are really struggling. And if you
really have like their student, or you know for sure that they have
financial struggles, then despite your self, you have to kind of
fight the urge to confront them to embarrass them to put them on the
spot. You know, like, Why didn't haven't you paid me back yet?
Because, you know, a lot prefer some people over others and if
he's given you wealth, right, and you're not in need of it, but you
know, this person is and what would the prophesy servant do? And
that's kind of that's he's our, our standard, right? He's our
yardstick with which we measure everything that we do. And if you
know that, it's more better to be magnanimous, and to forgive the
debt and just say, You know what, it's a gift just make the offer
me, then you You're, you're following the prophetic example.
But you're also opening yourself up to what, to more blessings
because Allah subhanaw taala is the most generous and when we show
generosity, he repays us with generosity, right? So don't think
again that Oh, you got suckered. That's a che thought, right?
Trying to get you rile you up so that you cause a problem for no
reason? Because take control of the situation be like, No, I am
choosing to forgive the debt for the sake of Allah, I am choosing
to be the bigger person because Allah has given me abundance. And
this person clearly needs it. And even if, you know, I don't know,
where they spent the money and how they spent the money, I gave it to
them, hello, US it happened. And may Allah you know, reward me for
that. Forgive them. And let's just move on. Because think about if
you could, if you could fast forward, move all like through
like as if you're watching the reel, or the video of your life,
move through the rest of your life, your death, your
resurrection, standing before the Day of Judgment, you think about
$300 Just gonna matter to you at all? No, but what if to Allah
subhanaw taala, it matters a great deal. And he reminds you at that
point, like your scales, were tipping in the wrong direction.
But remember that time where you forgave someone's debt, and you
did it in such an honorable way, you didn't embarrass them, you
actually just were gracious about it all because of that one deed.
Here's agenda breezed right across the city. So that's why you have
to kind of let go of these, you know, these thoughts, which come
again from the knifes from shaitan. And as he mentioned,
which we'll get to, the reason why this disease of the heart takes
root is because we have an attachment to the dunya. And we
were not looking at the world with the accurate eyeglasses, as they
say, right? I got these glasses on. But what if we were given,
Allah gave us a special pair of glasses that we could put on. And
everything we saw had to do with the ACA, like there was no dunya
imagine how amazing we would live. Right? We will be on we will be on
every prayer we would be right on the dot, you know, there would be
like it would be a halo over us or be a lot going on. Right? Because
we would feel we would see the reality of the world but it's
because of our own shortcomings our own. The veils that we have in
front of our eyes that we can't see the reality. So then we are
duped duped by shaytaan do by the nuts. So that is really important
that when we
that we let go, and we don't make a big deal out of something,
right? So a person who has this, this quality of valor of chivalry
of magnanimity just lets things go they're able to let things go. But
if you're argumentative, you're petty, right? You want to get your
just desserts because someone did something to you. It is a sign of
this disease of the heart. So this is why again, I love this book
because we read something like miserliness and everybody just
thinks of like some cheap person. But it's not just about being
cheap. It's about lacking in the virtues that our deen encourages
us to and of course there are prophetic virtues. magnanimity,
you know, Grant just being generous, being big hearted. These
are beautiful qualities, and a person who's miserly can't have
that they don't possess
Those qualities because they're the diseases has taken root in
their heart, right. So, and then he goes on to say and says that
this is sorry, having this quality of magnanimity is not an
obligation and sacred law because the creditor has the right to what
is owed to him. But if he is apathetic to the needs of the
debtor, and insists on his payment, this is considered
reprehensible. So you know, you can all and it's just making this
point because we also don't want to leave people with the feeling
that they always have to take the short end of the stick and always
just kind of take the loss. If you really feel like your rights were
taken, yes, you can defend yourself but it's really about
your heart. Right? If your heart is hard, you couldn't care less of
the person is on you know, like in the negatives, you know, they're
they're about to get evicted and you're just like, give me my
money. That's a clearly a problem. That's a sign of major disease of
the heart. So then he goes on and says an Islamic ethic for the
wealthy is that they exude magnanimity, generosity and the
demeanor of lenience. A Hadith recounts that a wealthy individual
would instruct his servants when collecting money on his behalf. If
the debtors do not have the means, tell them their debts are
absolved. When this wealthy man died without any good deeds, save
his large s with debtors. According to the Hadith, God said
to his angels, this man was forgiving of people's
transgressions against him, and I'm a more worthy of forgiving
transgressions, therefore, I forgive him. That's what we want,
right? We want Allah Subhan with us forgiveness, so be lenient when
hosting guests. So here's another now point about about this
disease. When hosting guests, one should not be persnickety says
Email moded. What does that mean? For example, if a guest spills
something on the carpet, the host should not display anger or worse
yet, scold the guest. It is far better to show valor and be humane
and making one guest feel no consternation at all. The Imam
also explains that when one buys if so before we get to that, so
this is very common.
You know, some of us, for example, our homes are like model homes,
you know, if you're, if you have high form of OCD, which
unfortunately, many of us often have, you may be that person that
you know exactly where every single thing goes, it has its
place. And if it's moved even slightly, like one degree, you'll
know about it, right? So if you have guests over, and their child,
little toddler runs, and they you know, knock down something of
value, or spill their juice and ruin your carpet, if your instinct
is to just, you know, you feel all of these horrible thoughts, but
you're really, really, really fighting them for the sake of you
know, optics, you gotta confront yourself, because at the end of
the day, this is how I kind of had to have that switch, like, what's
more important, the carpet or the heart of that child? Right?
Because if you blurt something out, and sometimes people lose
their cool, especially, you know, as I'm sure we've all experienced,
some of our beloved elders don't have as much patience with with
the youngin sometimes. So they tend to be quick to be like,
what's going on? You know, they get upset quickly. I've heard this
for many people, I've seen it, because you know, they have a
certain order and what have you. But sometimes they fail to realize
that that moment of reprimanding, scolding that child could have
actually long term effects, right, you could cause real legitimate
panic and anxiety and fear. And you see a lot of kids, because
they've been shamed in that way. Humiliated in that moment, it
causes a complex for them. So we have to be very careful around
these things. And that's why the value of things matters, right?
The value of your carpet is nothing compared to the impression
that you could have not only on the child but on their parents,
you know, because if you snap, you know, sometimes we just blurt
something out. You could ruin your relationship. There could be so
many things, but the bottom line is is confronting yourself like,
why do I care? i Why do I need to have a picture perfect Pinterest,
Martha Stewart model home for everybody to see all the time. Why
can't I just have a you know, like a normal life experience that
yeah, I gotta stand on my carpet. I'm gonna go get a carpet machine.
I'll clean it like why can't that happen? Right? It's because again,
the world that we live in is so superficial. And we've all bought
into that we were all conditioned to think that image is everything.
But your image before Allah subhana has everything not your
image before people. If you you know if you're only thinking about
how polished and pristine you and your home look, without factoring
in that Allah is fully aware of those negative thoughts you're
having right because people don't know but like Rebbe is not just
some people don't know not everybody was his he was not just
an exercise of the tongue and the ears. You can have leave with the
club. Right? You could be sitting
somewhere not saying a word, but tearing people apart in your
heart. And that should trouble us right that if we do that, if we
have done that before that Allah forgives us because, again, you
know, you're denying a child's humanity and their child, or even
an adult, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. It's more a
reflection of something wrong internally in you, that you
immediately go to making a big deal out of something that should
just be like seen as no big deal. Hello, us. It's okay. It's it can
be replaced. I'm not worried about this, you matter to me, your soul
matters to me, your child's heart matters to me, my relationship
with you matters to me, I can replace this and move on. Right?
That's what the believer does. Because why? Why we don't have we
shouldn't have attachments to the dunya to worldly possessions,
material things that move be from the heart of the hand to the
heart, right? Nothing in this dunya should should possess our
heart. And if and if something
materially possesses our hearts, that's,
that's cause for a major, major concern right? to you that as they
say, have the dunya in your hand, but not in your heart, right. And
that's what what not being fazed by something like that is it's not
it's not in my heart, it's in my head.
And then he goes on to say, this is also really important,
especially for those of us who like to shop. Okay, because I know
we've all done it.
Specially when we go international, but the haggling
one. Let's let's be honest here he says the Imam also explains that
when one buys a funeral shroud, there should be no haggling over
the cost. For a funeral shroud should remind one of deaths. And a
worldly matter of haggling over prices should not be involved in
its obtainment. One should not also haggle over prices when
buying livestock in order to give me to the needy. The same
principle applies to purchasing other goods that are intended for
charity as well. So the point here is haggling in general is okay,
because you know, we're gonna go back and forth, the marketplace is
kind of made for that. But you also want to have some respect,
basically, right? There are times where it would be totally
inappropriate to haggle over. And he mentioned that but I think in
general, as you mature, as you kind of realize that people are,
you know, struggling and unless you think you're really being
duped by someone, especially if they know you're a foreigner,
sometimes they hike up the prices, that's different. But if you see
that there's an honest merchant, they're really trying to sell
their goods. Just because the dollar has a lot of power in
Turkey, for example, doesn't mean I'm gonna milk it, you know, I'm
gonna just take this person, you know, I've got everything they
have, because I want to go back and give gifts and do this and
that this, we should have also some goodwill right some some good
you know, common weal, as they say, want the good for our
brothers and sisters, who we know are our struggling far more than
we are and so maybe be a little bit more charitable in those
circumstances. You know, if they give you a nice discounted price,
be like Well, here's a gift just for you and just for the sake of
Allah because you want to show that, you know, you're paying it
forward, as they say, when I was generous with you, you want to be
generous with his creation. So that thing of haggling I think is
something we need to all. Again, think about and hold ourselves
accountable. A person who who doles out difficulty without cause
strips away the veils of dignity. This is what the wise guides the
scholars have said. It is equally regrettable when one discharges an
obligation or fulfills a trust without good cheer. So this is
also another manifestation of miserliness. And this is important
because sometimes as women, our friendships, our families hinge on
expectations that we do things, right, we fulfill obligations, we
do favors for certain people. And if you're not doing things from a
pure heart from a place of sincerity, but you're resentful,
right, you're, you're spiteful, you have a lot of negative
feelings, but begrudgingly doing something for someone, right? You
have to confront that within yourself. Because if that's always
the case, you know, you're just like, you're doing it without,
like it mentioned without cheer, without good cheer. If someone's
asking you to, you know, Oh, can you help me out with this, you
know, come over and help me I'm moving or I need you to run an
errand for me. And you're just like,
to have to fine. You're dragging your feet. And it's if this is
always your response to being asked a favor. That's certainly a
sign of the fact that, you know, we're missing this quality of
magnanimity of generosity of spirit. Sometimes it's
understandable, you're tired, you're
Maybe the cycle your cycle is around the corner, you're fatigued
for real reasons that you're not able to. Those are exceptional.
We're talking about just general right reaction to being called on
for help. So these are all character flaws that we need to
confront. So if you don't like to help out, you don't really like to
give, because you feel like you're, you know, you're always
putting yourself first then you're lacking this quality, but it also
could be
a form of, of this quality of miserliness, right lacking that
generous spirit. Because, again, the prophesy centum is our model
is the most generous of all human beings. And even when he had
nothing, he always found something to give, right. So think about
that the next time you're in those situations. Another example when
paying charity for example, one should smile and be humble,
allowing the hand of the indigene to be above the givers hand. It is
a privilege to be in a position to offer charity and an honor to
fulfill a divine obligation. It is an IT is anathema to give away in
charity. What is shoddy and inferior. This is parsimony and
miserliness. In this, the Muslim tradition is to give away from
what one loves. God blesses this charity and extends its goodness
are you who believes spend from the good things you have earned,
and from what we brought out for you from the earth, and do not
seek what is inferior in order to spend from it, though you
yourselves would not take it unless your eyes were closed to
it, and know that God is ever rich and worthy of praise. Allah says
in chapter two, verse 267, he also says in chapter three, verse 92,
you will not attain to righteousness until you spend of
what you love. So that's also really important that we learn to
let go of the things that we are attached to.
And in order to attain righteousness because again, the
purpose of that is to demonstrate that we love Allah subhanaw taala
more. So I've had the blessing of having people in my life who
absolutely do this I have had, first and foremost my mother,
Allah may Allah bless her she was known this is something that many
people on hamdulillah not just our her children witnessed, but she
was the type of person if she gave you a gift, it was the best of the
quality, it was always the highest quality always brand new things
she would have the price tag still on she never, you know, used
items. she just, she just didn't do that. So much martial art that
was just a quality she had but I've known other people as well.
I've had close friends, one of my friends may Allah bless her. She
martial automatical is probably one of the most generous people
I've ever met. If you give her a compliment on anything, it will be
yours the next day. She doesn't care you so that's why you can
compliment her. You really she will catch you will give it to you
it'll be in a bag and it'll be waiting for you and you're like
what and you're like, Oh man, I should have said anything. You
just sometimes you make a passing compliment you know, you give
someone a compliment because they look nice. And next thing you know
it's yours. So there are some people Allah's father's was given
that ability to and they understand they they got the
message right? Or they understood the assignment as they say,
because they get it that if they give for the sake of Allah
subhanaw taala something that really could be replaced, that
it's only going to draw them closer to Allah and that's just a
beautiful, beautiful, prophetic quality to possess. Generosity is
one of the highest virtues of Islam and one of the manifest
qualities of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who is
known as the most generous of people. The word for generosity
used here is derived from the Arabic word cut on which also
means nobility. In fact, one of the most excellent Names of God is
Kadeem, the generous, it is better to go beyond the minimum of what
the sacred law demands when giving charity. This is generosity in an
expression of gratitude to God, who is the provider of all wealth
and provision. The ideology of miserliness is love of the
fleeting so the root of where this comes from, right? The core of how
people develop miserliness is that they have an attachment to
something that is fleeting dunya right. The worldly life is
fleeting, material aspects of this world. That's what dunya refers to
the miser ardently, and this is really something Subhanallah I
remember when she comes the first of these classes many many years
ago, it always stuck with me because of the visual. The miserly
ardently clings to his wealth and hoards it. The word for clang in
Arabic is Masek, which is derived from another Arabic word that
means constipation.
Miserly people are those who are unable to let go of something that
otherwise poisons them.
So think about that, right? The prophesy some said God has made
what is excreted from the son of Adam, a metaphor for the world.
Dunya This is also one of my favorite Hadith because when you
really start to think about what you prioritize what you hold on
to, and then read a hadith like that, you're like, wow, that Allah
subhanaw taala has made a metaphor for this worldly life.
What we excrete as human beings sit with that for a moment that
that is what its value is to the Lord of the universe who created
all of this. So what are we holding on to who want nobody not
one of us would hold on to human excrement and yet we cling to our
money, our wealth, our cars, our homes, our jewelry, our, you know,
scarves, our clothes, our watches our accessories, we cling to these
things as if they are everything.
It's a sign of the times right.
When one is hungry, one seeks out food, eats and is pleased.
However, when it leaves the body it is the most odious of things.
Giving the cat is letting go of a portion of one's wealth to purify
all of one's other assets. And ultimately, one soul, it is
possible that one's earnings may have some impurity in it, some
doubtful sorts by giving the cat one purifies one's provision, from
whatever unknown impurities that may have entered. In my mind, he
said, the worst person is the miser, why, in this world, he is
deprived of his own wealth, and in the Hereafter, he is punished. So
the biggest loser actually ends up being a person with these
qualities. You don't even enjoy the wealth Allah has given you
because you hold on to it, you don't use it, you don't spend it,
you don't share it. You're not you know, benefiting others or
yourself. And then in the next life, every single penny you did
that with is held, you're held accountable for it. So causes your
ruin. So you lose in both cases, at least. If you enjoyed some of
the wealth here, you could be like, well, I lived it up and
duniya but when you didn't Subhanallah and then you're going
to be punished for it. I mean, it's the ultimate loser to have
this quality, right?
The ultimate casualty of miserliness is the miser himself.
Many wealthy people in our society live impoverished lives. Though
they have millions in the bank. Their choice of lifestyle is not
inspired by spiritual austerity. On the contrary, it causes them
great discomfort to spend their money even on themselves and their
families, let alone on others. The nature of the miser is that he
does not benefit from his wealth in this world and in the
Hereafter, he is bankrupt and debased, for refusing not to give
to give to for refusing, excuse me to give to the needy. In doing so
he refuses to purify his wealth, and prevent prevents it from being
a cause of light and relief in the hereafter. The Miser would argue
that the hordes that the excuse me that he hoards wealth, to
alleviate his fear of poverty. Remarkably, however, the miser
never truly feels relieved of anxiety. A miser is constantly
worried about money and devoted to servicing his worry. That's also
another important point, because these are just giving us insight,
insight into the mind of a person afflicted with this disease. They
have this fear that if they give their money, they're going to lose
it. So they act as though it's a way of protecting themselves. But
then as was mentioned, they never are free from that fear. So it's
there is no it's actually inducing more anxiety and more fear, right.
The prophesy son once asked some Klansmen about their leader and
they mentioned his name and said, but he is a bit of a miser than
the prophesies of them said a leader, a leader should never be a
miser. Then he added, do you know any of any disease that is worse
than the miser
and have the number almost at the end sisters. So the remaining
verses are just three, and then he goes into the treatment, which is
also just really short. So we'll read this and then we by then I'm
sure we'll have multiple we can come back for q&a. So the verses
of the poem that remain are really dealing with a treatment for
miserliness. So how do we prevent these things from entering our
heart? Treat this by realizing that those who achieved effluence
did so only by exhausting themselves over long periods of
time, thus finally accumulating what they saw it meanwhile, just
as they approach the heights of earthly splendor deck suddenly a
sales treat miserliness by also recognizing the distortion
and the hatred people have for them even hatred among
with this same treatment treat the person whose heart ailment,
ailment is level of wealth.
Okay, I'm sorry, they are praying. So let's go ahead and pray
inshallah and then we'll come back.
All right, 100 Sisters, so I'm not going to keep you too late. We
just have a short section to read on the treatment. And then we'll
open it up for q&a. hamdulillah first of all, a couple Allah,
Allah, Allah accepts all of our laws and prayers of the law. It's
now officially Joomla right.
So, treatment, the treatment How do we treat ourselves for
miserliness. The treatment for miserliness is first realizing
that those who achieve wealth usually do so only after
exhausting themselves over long periods of time, working for it
day and night. Meanwhile, life passes on
On and time runs out. The culture of wanting more simply for the
sake of more can occupy a person for an entire lifetime. But in the
end, life is over. it terminates for the beggar and the effluent
just the same whether one is old or young, rich or poor, happy or
sad. A memo dudes counsel is to reflect long and hard on the fact
that just as people climb the heights of a fluence and start to
achieve what they have worn themselves out for death, a sales
them without invitation. When death takes us and moves us on,
our wealth stays behind for others to wrangle over and spend. One
must also realize the level of disdain shown to misers nobody
likes a miser even misers loathe each other, realizing the hatred
people have for misers is enough to turn one away from this
disease. So those are, you know, just the, the practical sort of
treatments for this disease. But I think, really going through all of
the different iterations of it that we went over and checking
yourself, do you have problems, right, as we said, being overly
consumed with things that are trivial, making, you know, a
mountain out of a molehill as they say, you are not very magnanimous,
or generous or forgiving of people, when they owe you
something. When people ask for your help you do it with a sour
face, there's no real generous spirits that comes with that. And
you may even hold it over their head, there's some people who owe
the brother counting, right? It's always they're taking it's like a
tally sheet that they have of what they've done for you and what you
need to do for them and their, that's not our way you shouldn't
remember, you know, the favors you do and you should definitely never
count them to people. In when it comes to generosity, as we say,
the the left hand shouldn't know what the right hand is doing. Even
within ourselves. We should try to force that magnanimity, right. So
as the analogy I gave earlier, looking in your purse or in your
pocket for cash, right? Don't take it out and count it all just
there. Right? I don't even know what it was. It was in evidence,
okay, the $30 $50 $100 alone, replace it, because he's the most
generous. And for that person in Sharla, it makes an impact that
could help them in their life in ways that you have no idea right?
Sometimes, those meaningful moments of pure love, selfless
generosity are can what really can help a person. So just having
those beautiful virtuous qualities are how we rid ourselves of this
disease, right. And then another part of miserliness that
specifically relates to the prophesy settlement. It's
something again, our teachers reminded us many, many years ago,
but always stayed with me that I think it's not mentioned here, but
might be somewhere else in the book. But when the prophesy said
his name is mentioned, the process and told us that the one who does
not do the silhouette is a miser. So when you hear the Prophet
sallallaahu said his name, reflexively Salallahu, Alaihe.
Salam, salam, because you don't want to have any part of this
quality, right. You definitely don't want it in all the ways that
we mentioned. But you certainly don't want it to be
how you are introduced to the prophesy salaam, right all the
biller, because he will know those who love him right on the day of
judgment, He will know when we will be distinguished by the marks
of our will do by certain qualities, right? That we possess,
and he will also know those who are of this category, right? The
Miser so we don't want to be those who come on that day.
Disappointing. Our prophesy said we want the opposite. So that is
training that's really catching yourself. So when the chef is
talking, you're listening to a hotbar you're listening to even a
VIP kid and they're mentioning the Salawat. Don't just passively
listen. Okay, be engaged. Right, be engaged and follow the Sunday
so we heard the other end moments ago be in the practice of
repeating the the lines of the of the verses of that. Just do it.
It's Sunday, I'm going to start repeating the verses. And Hola.
Hola. Hola. como de la Vela for hayleigh. Salon. Halophila. But
everything else you just repeat after the mother. Simple. Be in
the habit of Friday Gemma. When you come knowing that if you
speak, you lose your heartbeat. You lose your prayer, right? The
hotbox counts for the tube raka you don't do for the hood. So
don't shortchange yourself, right. Don't do that to yourself by chit
chatting. You come in, have edit of the message do your to, to hate
that Masjid year to rock out of coming into the messenger
Have we have to start to practice the deen in bring it into real
life, right? It has to be animated in our behavior in our words,
because a lot of times we deduce the deen to just five daily
prayers in Ramadan fasting and Hutch. Shame on us because the
process was much more, you did much more. And he left us much
more than that. But do you see how it's kind of stingy you could say,
to have the medicine of Islam, hoard it,
not share it with others.
That's what we do when you have this deen and Allah has given it
to us. You don't use it to benefit yourself or to benefit others by
teaching and setting an example. You harm yourself you harm society
because again, these things have a ripple effect, right? If all of us
right now made a vow to become much better with our prayers, much
better with our practice much better with our deen. Imagine the
impact that makes in our relationships, our homes, and how
that starts to, again, write domino ripple effect to the
community. The opposite is true. If we all start watering down our
practice, you know, cherry picking, doing things only based
on desires and comfort and mood, as vibes, whatever people call it
these days, then imagine how that's going to also impact our
homes, impact our families, our communities, our society. And when
you look around, which do you think is happening more? Do you
think people are coming together with these strong spirits of like,
let's go out there and really, you know,
practice our deen as it was meant or is the opposite happening where
we're kind of just letting the dunya take over. And so
again, relating it back to miserliness appreciate what you
have, right? You We were born into many of us men, some of you may be
converts. But many of us were born into Islam. Allah subhanaw taala
literally gave us the healing the medicine before we even had
consciousness and we had any knowledge of our own selves.
Before we even knew our own names, right before all these things, we
were given the medicine of this beautiful Dean, by virtue of the
families we were born into, and the teachers that we were given.
And the examples that we've been exposed to all of this has been
facilitated for us. So what is our response, our response should be
to make the most of it, use it, and then to be generous with it,
right. And generosity is really at the heart of being not being a
miser, I mean, if you want to not have this quality, just be
generous, be a person, of magnanimity of grand, I mean of
big heartedness. And just, you know, and give and share of
whatever you have. And there's nothing greater that we've been
given than this, this blessing have been of Islam Alhamdulillah
with sugar Allah. So
again, really, there's just so much more I advise, right, you
know, really encourage all of you to please get the book if you
don't have it, reread it, again, really sit with some of the themes
that were brought up, and just do that introspection, that's how we
do the ski at the ski is, it's like looking into a mirror, right,
and looking at your reflection, and really figuring out what needs
to be changed. And that's, you know, what this book offers 100
Last, so, next time we come, we'll cover the next disease, which is
wantonness, and Sharla, Botha. And that's also very, very relevant
today. excessiveness. So there is kind of a link there. But just to
reiterate, the diseases are listed in alphabetical order or in
Arabic. So it's not because sometimes people may read this
linearly thinking that the first is the most important, and then
I'll get to the end, don't read it like that, you can actually go
through the table of contents, and just look at the diseases that
speak to you. Right, there may be something specific, that you're
like, Oh, I think I need to work on that. And start there. And you
can read it, you know, however way you want. But I think it's again,
advisable to have it. So come to that. Any questions?
Very good. Hamdulillah. So, by my count, I think there are either 26
or 27. Some of them are put together, but if you separate
them, I think there's 27 Yeah.
Yes. And this is lifelong, right? We never with the diseases of the
heart. Once you read the book, it's not like you're done. You
know, like, Okay, I got it. I got the knowledge. Now I can go to the
next subject. This is something that you revisit all the time and
constantly purify. It's kind of like, you know, the heart is
likened to a vessel, right? And what do you do with the vessel you
use?
Is it right, you're drinking from a cup, you're gonna have to keep
watching it. So look at your heart that way that it's being used all
the time and you know, things that shouldn't be in there, get in
there, right? The filth of the dunya gets in there. So you have
to cleanse it, and and empty it out and then pour back in that
which is beautiful and then adorn it. Right. And that's what this
process of this is the holly to gelita handy.
So I absolutely love this example. And I applaud you for sharing
Thank you just like you're well hidden. What a great example to
really hone in on on something that I hope was maybe articulated,
maybe not. I've done a few different sessions today. So like,
I don't know if I mentioned this or not. But I think you know, what
you did demonstrated, you went through, you know, so many
different things that we can pull lessons from, like initially, the
act of generosity, right, giving your friends gifts. This is of
course, a hadith apostle Salam encouraged giving gifts to promote
love between the hearts. So that's beautiful, right, you're
fulfilling that sunnah. And then you let it go for a while. So
that's also where you're showing that generosity of you know,
making excuses hosting other than maybe it's a summer, all of that,
again, beautiful lessons from there. But then you also did
something really important, which is, I want to have, you know,
Cleanse my heart from any resentment. So this is where
you're modeling for us a really good example of being a true
person like truly authentic right and not letting you know the heart
be tormented in a way by these types of whisperings and thoughts,
because a lot of people will fake it right. And they feel they
filled themselves with resentment. And then years go by. And the
resentment by the way, never really goes away. It just comes
out in other ways. You, you find passive aggressive ways to get
people back or whatever, right. So you, you were, I love that you
were kind of like, you know what, I just got to confront it. Because
again, that's the spirit of, of our faith, which teaches us to be
true people, right? Like, we don't want to be deceptive, we don't
also want to let feelings of rancor which will come in the book
soon, you know, like these negative thoughts take over. And
the way to do that is to, you know, confront with with, I'm sure
you did it very tactfully. I'm sure you did it with emotional
intelligence, and you did it in Shaolin away that just was
advocating for something that you wanted to have clarity about,
right. So you're modeling, I think, really great examples of
how we can, you know, confront these things in a real life way
that is true to what we're feeling we're not, because I think there
are some times culturally speaking, and maybe even
spiritually framed notions, that we always have to be the martyr,
we always have to take the hit. And that makes you a better
Muslim. But I don't think that's true. I believe that, as you did,
you tried to fight and resist certain feelings. But at a certain
point, it was impacting your relationship, and you were willing
to confront it in order to get, you know, resolution, which is a
noble intention. And then, you know, unfortunately, they didn't
respond in the way that you would expect, which is to reciprocate.
And I think in those situations, I think you demonstrated the right
steps, I don't see anything that you did, that was wrong, because
if you find that you are giving in a relationship, but it's not being
reciprocated, and you're not. And then you also find, like, in your
example, that you're being slighted, that I think you do have
to at a certain point, draw a line that just says, I still want a
friendship with you, I still I don't want to cut off ties, I
don't want our friendship to go sour. But this on this particular
point, we're just going to pivot, you know, have a just keep it off
the table or whatever. And so I think that was a really healthy
way of, again, from, you know, dealing with your what was going
on the conflict that you were experiencing, and being true to
it, and trying your best to find a happy medium where we can still
maintain a friendship without, you know, letting this take over. And
then, you know, just like I said, falling apart. So I think you
handled it really well, my shock about God, I appreciate the share,
because I think when we talk about letting it go and being petty, you
know, those are like trivial things that really don't matter.
But maybe sometimes, I'm sure if you're married, for example, how
many of us have harped on a point that we really didn't care about,
but we were annoyed with our spouse, right? So we're just like,
I'm just gonna get, you know, say this, but I don't really care that
much about it. It's just because I am maybe resentful, right? If
something else that didn't get done that I wanted him to get
done. So now I'm just gonna nitpick about this thing, right?
People just tend to do that. That's a very Nuptse response when
you're feeling like you're, you know, not being appreciated or you
know, something else is going on. So in those cases where it really
is petty, it's not very mean.
In full and you couldn't, you didn't have to address it, that's
where I think it's important to practice this, you know, just let
it go. But when it's actually affecting your heart, and you're
trying to reconcile it, and you're trying to move beyond it, but it
keeps resurfacing, and it's something that now shaitan may use
to further cause damage. I think, in that case, you have to, you
know, go out at first like just, I mean, be confrontational about or
and try to, you know, work towards a resolution, but don't avoid it.
Because avoidance oftentimes just makes things worse. And then you
might get to a point where the resentment is so great that it's
irreparable, right. And in many cases, that's how a lot of
relationships fall apart. Marriages, friendships, family
relationships, because the resentment that a person tries to
move past, but can't eventually just eats away at all the love in
the heart. And now it's just filled with anger and rancor. And
so you prevented that by by Michel, approaching them so good
for you.
I'm sure we could all trust me, I think we can all probably have a
long list of examples where we're like, oh, gosh, you know, I really
messed up there. But But um, though, that was a really good
example. So just like, go ahead, yes?
Sure, so that question has come up so many times in my life in
various audiences, where people are asking the same question to
other much more qualified teachers. And I always feel like
they say the same thing, which is, when you're dealing in grappling
with those really negative feelings towards a person for
whatever reason, resentment, anger, you know, unresolved, you
know, things from the past, the best thing to do is really turn to
Allah Spraga, not just to ask him to purge those feelings for you,
but also as an exercise of everything we just talked about,
making dua for them, right, specifically. So it's almost like
you're turning the negative feelings that you have, you're
forcing them into, it's like an alchemical sort of forcing
process, that they become more positive, where you actually start
to, you know, bring out some compassion, maybe there's good
things that you can think about that maybe you know, certain
things about their life that actually are, you know, that make
you feel compassion towards them. And then from there, you ask ALLAH
SubhanA, Allah to increase them and goodness to forgive them. What
I have done in the past, for people who've hurt me, is, and I
remember someone a long, long time ago really did me dirty, like,
they hurt me a lot. And I,
instead of thinking about what they did to me, because I know
Allah spot has the most just, my mind immediately went to, to that
person being punished, severely, like for it. And then I thought,
like, Could I stand by and watch that? I was like, No, I don't want
that person to be punished. I just want to forgive them. And that
really helped me to visualize all of that, for example, you know, I
have the like the say, you know, whether or not they're gonna be
like, dipped into the hellfire, maybe because Allah could say, for
the wrong that this person did to you? Do you forgive them? Or do
you want them to? Or do you want to take their good deeds, and then
they would go, that's what that's according to the Hadith. That is
what is going to happen in some cases. If you for example, let's
say your your deeds on the day of judgment are at a dead stop even
right. One of the ways that you could tip the scales is that Allah
subhanaw taala. Now is calling out all the people who have done you
wrong, and giving you the opportunity to take their rights
to take your rights from them on that day. So you could actually
determine another person's eternal damnation. And to me, I feel like,
that was enough for me to be like, No, I don't want, I don't want
anybody to go to *. Because of me. I really don't, I don't want a
single person in the dunya. Because of my anger to go to *.
I don't I'd rather ALLAH forgive them. And I'd rather me work on my
own heart to get to the place where I'm just like, I want to get
into Jenna at all costs. And if it means forgiving every single
person who ever did anything to me, and wanting good for them and
trying to be generous and trying to be magnanimous, that's what I
want. Because I want forgiveness for myself. I want my loved ones I
want to see my family. Honestly, my friends, I want to see people I
care about in general, I want to be just coasting, in general not
worried about the trivialities of the Zinnia. And if we can get to
that level of mercy or compassion in this world by just chipping
away at the resentment with those types of thoughts, I think it'll
liberate you, you'll just get to the point where like, whatever.
And you know, again, because I'm a visual person, I just imagine like
the day of judgment as the headache describe everybody
standing
In the, you know, the, the depths of their sinfulness will be like,
like sweat that they're, you know, standing in, some people will be
at their ankles, other people at their knees, other people will be
drowning in their own sweat because of their sins, right
accumulated sins. So those types of visuals are enough for me to be
like Ya Allah, I just don't want to see that I don't want to be in
that position myself. And I'd rather not anybody that I ever
crossed paths with in this dunya because of me be in that position.
So kind of owning the power of forgiveness that you have, first
to benefit yourself with Allah, not for the necessarily for the
other person's sake. That's a secondary intention. But first,
really to draw closer to Allah. So
I hope that was clear.
Yeah, I actually
know it's a very good question if someone is continuously harming
you, and you are aware that this person is not maybe only harming
you, but harming other people, it would be an incredible act of
generosity on your part, to advise them, and to warn them, and to
give them an opportunity to redress their wrongs. Because they
may be unaware they could be completely oblivious, or maybe
nobody's ever stood up to them before. And this is why the
prophets have said help your brother, the oppressor, and the
oppressed and the Sahaba were like we understand the oppressed, but
how do you help the oppressor, you stop them from their oppression?
So if you have the opportunity to give them a see how to someone
like, Listen, you gotta stop this, you know, it's really hurting
people, you're pushing people away, alumnae, you know, holds you
accountable, that would be a gift you're giving them really would
be. So I would highly recommend doing that. And I know, in some
cases, when it's elders or family, and you're just not sure how to
broach the topic, it becomes murky and, but ask us for that. For
openings, you never know, he may give you a really perfect
opportunity to say something during a conversation casually. Or
maybe you, you might be able to do something even beyond that, like
reaching out directly having a meeting or writing a letter, I'm
always in favor of letter writing, I think we've lost this as you
know, a society that people don't write anymore. And it does help to
write your thoughts out because you can self edit, and you will
prevent a lot of the reactionary like things that that tend to dig
us further into problems then actually help us because you're
thoughtful, you're being thoughtful when you write, right?
You're like, No, I shouldn't say that. I think I should phrase it
better. So maybe a letter could help this person see the error of
their ways. And you know, use the sandwich method, start with really
nice praise and love. The meat is where it gets, you know, real. And
then you close it off with also messages of love and forgiveness
and compassion and love. Try that.
So you forget all the negative Yeah.
Was that? Well, well, that's where I think you having you know, if
you have like Marshall, your sisters here, someone who can help
you with that, you know, keep you authentic and true, because I
know, so there's myself some people who just don't want to hurt
anybody's feelings. But it's an exercise. And it's something that
if you write, or use the right framing, and words, I believe
this, I've done it, actually, for many people before as well. I do
think language is very powerful tool. And if you can tap into your
emotions and use the proper language, you can tell anybody
anything like you really can, you can give people the worst of news.
You can give people a critical feedback. But it's all about the
language you use. And if you have someone to like, kind of like a
sounding board help you with it, I think you'll do well.
It's very, very important. I love that you mentioned that. Because I
feel like a lot of women because of cultural and I actually
remember a while ago, I put this something on Instagram, but I put
something out and a lot of the feedback I got was that women feel
very silenced culturally. You know, in many of our cultures like
you, we're not taught to be outspoken. We're not taught to
advocate for ourselves. We're not taught these things. Because it's
considered to be unladylike. It's considered impolite. And I think
that's a lot of gaslighting, to be honest because when your rights
are completely being taken from you, that is not the time for you
to be silent and quiet for the sake of your image. No, it is not
the time to speak up because you could be preventing harm. And what
I find is a lot of these things
and women who will admit that, yes, they're resentful toward
their husbands or their mother in laws or whoever. What they do,
unfortunately, oftentimes is, like you said, that resentment has to
go somewhere, right? And you end up lashing out at your children,
you end up lashing out at friends and innocent people who have
nothing to do with what's going on. But because you're just so
angry internally, and you don't have anywhere to go with that, it
comes on the most innocent people, right? And even physically, you
see people out of billet, it's because emotions are real, you
know, and we, we have to honor what we feel. And that's why, you
know, knowing your temperament is really important to like you, when
it comes to like self aware awareness, you have the qualities
of emotional intelligent, intelligence, the first one is
self awareness, you have to know your threshold. Everybody has a
threshold, everybody has a point, a breaking point. And you've got
to know yours, and you have to be willing
to, you know,
to, at a certain point, say enough is enough, right? And I have to,
like you said, be authentic, be true to my feelings. And not just
for my sake of my ego, sake of my reputation, or my image, I want to
say face, it's not just for that it's also this person is harmful,
harming you, and what if they're doing it to other people? So maybe
you're the person that can hopefully set them straight, you
know, so very important. That's beautiful. That's absolutely an
excellent way of coping with a situation like that, is really
focusing on what matters, right, which is, you know, when I talk
about forgiveness, I always try to help people understand it's not
about giving something away to another person, right? Because if
you just like with with anything, if you feel like you're going to
lose something, you're going to be reluctant to do it. But you're
actually gaining something, you're gain reward. Right? You gain
reward with Allah. And if it's a choice you're doing, then you're
not nobody's twisting your arm, right? You're not being in any way
humiliated by forgiving someone, right? Because sometimes people
think like, Well, why should I apologize? Why should I be okay
with it? And they kind of think that they're going to, you know,
that they that they need to save face, but we have to, I think,
just have a reframing and say no, when it's your choice, you're
being the magnanimous person, you're actually giving to that
person. So you are positioning yourself, you know, you're in an
advantageous position, or you're in a different position.
No, you're right. 100%, all guidance is from Allah subhanaw
taala. All virtue, all good deeds that we do is from Allah subhanaw
taala we're just very blessed, like you said, to have his
guidance and Sheetla. And that's what why I think, when you have
these opportunities, where it's like, wait, you know, like, what's
more important that I was happy with me or that I just go in? You
know, like, what's more, what is at the end of the day more
important? The answer becomes very obvious. Like, I just want the
pleasure of my Lord, I want him to be pleased with me, and he has, he
is pleased with us when we can show that generosity and
forgiveness and magnanimity. But, you know, it is a process, and I
don't think we should rush people to doing things, they have to
really sit with their feelings and find empowerment. And that's where
I think, speaking your truth, right.
And making sure that it is cushioned with the right language,
because you know, you sometimes you gotta deliver harsh realities
to people, but be gentle the process and said that, you know,
anything that is, you know, that is gentle, or every anything that
is, gosh, I don't want to mess up the Hadith, but basically, that
when we use gentleness and anything, it is virtuous. And if
gentleness is removed from something, it's harmful. So try to
always be gentle, but be true.
So that's a very good question. I think, you know, Allah's father,
he's told us that he's made everybody differently, some people
are going to be able to do more with their wealth, some people
with their knowledge, some people their time, I think you just have
to look at the abundance of what you have been given. And make the
most of that and make that your charitable offering for his sake.
And then as far as the other areas that you would like to see more
activity pickup, just make the NEA and say Allah when I have more
time or when I'm not so consumed, because there usually is a reason,
right? If you don't have the time to be maybe volunteer or do more,
for example, philanthropic hands on work, it might be because you
have a full time job, you're taking care of responsibilities,
right? You're, you're needed elsewhere. So it could just be a
logistical issue. And that doesn't necessarily have to be like some
inner conflict, right? So just say Allah when I am able to increase
me in these other virtuous acts as well. But for now, because this is
what I have an abundance of. You're so generous to me with
this, I want to give for your sake. And that's how you install I
think make the most of what he's given you and realize that that's
So, it's the fact that you're even thinking about giving and this
preoccupies you is a great sign because some people they don't
even think twice about these things you know, they're just
living their life so it's you have guidance mashallah but it's always
good to keep asking for for the virtues you want. So if you want
to be able to do more just keep asking Allah give me more back and
my time allow me to do whatever it is XYZ you know I want to do more
relief work or I want to travel whatever it is that you think you
could do more of in addition to giving with your wealth just ask
him for the means the resources the ability but to know for sure
that when you want to do something, but can't Allah out of
his generosity still gives you the reward of it anyway. And that's
our Lord when you have a need to do something but you cannot do it.
You still get the reward Allah so generous so
all the rewards you seek
alright sisters, mashallah we went over by 15 minutes, which is
pretty good. Sometimes we're here for much longer. So, I want to
thank all of you. I asked you to please turn these back in because
we use them every single month, you can just leave them up here
and we'll end in the end Inshallah, before we head out. So
Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim when I said in in Santa Fe Casa de La La
Nina Avenue whammo. SWATI Hattie with the rest of will happy with
the rest of the sobor Subhana Allah homo VMDK shadow Allah ilaha
illa intellisoft According to earache, Aloha masala was set on
Mubarak I'd say that I want mobile No Have you ever met somebody who
was salam? While you were Samuel seven plus the McCarthy era Subhan
Arabic Arabic Bella is at mA UC Fong was salam ala l Mursaleen.
While hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen Al Hamdulillah. Is that Well okay,
then again, thank you so much for coming out. Inshallah. We will see
you next time. And please get the book