Hosai Mojaddidi – Purification of the Heart for Muslimahs (Monthly Sisterhood Halaqa Part 2)
AI: Summary ©
The speakers stress the importance of understanding the meaning of courtesy, humility, and shame in Arabic. They stress the need to accept one's behavior and hold oneself accountable to avoid negative consequences, find a way to be humble and accept one's smile, and align oneself with one's beliefs and expectations to avoid disappointed behavior. The speakers also emphasize the importance of protecting people's rights and not allowing anyone to turn away from God, as it is the only adult in isolation. The speakers stress the importance of researching and being watchful for others' behavior and relationships, and emphasize the need for parents to be watchful and considerate of others' behavior.
AI: Summary ©
salam ala psychosynthesis Lima,
Monica.
Thank you, sisters for being here and those who are watching online.
If you may recall last month, we actually started our reading of
this book purification of the heart. So that is what we will be
doing a challenge with this session or these sessions that we
have. Typically we meet the last Thursday of every month, but
because of the holiday next week, we decided to do an earlier
session, which is why we're here today. So Inshallah, but after
this, hopefully, we'll just stick to that schedule on the last
Thursday of every month. You're welcome to come in person as some
of the sisters that have done here or watch online. But we're gonna
go ahead and continue from where we left off. So we actually only
last month read from the introduction that from the
translator, so she Hamza Yusuf, who was the one who translated
this text, we read from his commentary, and we stopped at that
point, because it was a few pages long. So we're going to pick up on
the introduction to purification, which is actually the very
beginning of the poem. This is, of course, a classical poem that Imam
Al Mahmoud wrote called mathematical glue. And so we're
going to read the translation of the first verses of this poem, and
then the commentary that is also included here. So this Mala on
page, one at the bottom, so let's first read the poem verses. So
these verses are one to eight and these are actually the translator
words of 11 mode. So he says, I begin by starting with the heart
of beginnings, for it is the highest and noblest of beginnings.
Have courtesy with God the high and the majestic, by practicing
modesty and humility, dejected, out of shame and humility, humbled
in awe imploring Him, by giving up your designs for his emptied of
covetousness for what his servants have, by hastening to fulfill his
commands. And by being wary of the subtle encroachment of bad
manners. If you the spiritual aspirant or a spirit, realize your
attributes of servitude, you will then be assisted with something of
the attributes of the Eternally Besought. Realize your abject
character and impoverishment and you will gain dignity and wealth
from the all powerful, there is no salvation like the heart
salvation, given that all the limbs and organs respond to its
desires. So those were verses one through eight of Umemoto its words
in English. And now let's look at the commentary. What What was he
saying? What did he say here? So, remember, it begins his Arabic
didactic poem with a play on words, that is lost in
translation, beginning in Arabic is value and the word for heart.
Hollub also means to reverse something, reversing the letters
in the word, but who are better results in the words add up, which
is the term for courtesy. And that is where this treaties begins,
since courtesy is the portal to the purification of the heart, and
in Arabic holds several meanings. So now we're going to define this
word we hear that all the time, right. So in addition to courtesy,
we're gonna look at what other meanings it has either a
derivative of Adam or a deep excuse me, a derivative of a job,
for example, has come to mean and rude eighth person, someone who
has learned as high manners and courtesy are associated with
learning and irritation. However, the idea of courtesy is firmly
established at the root of the word edip. A memo notes node
starts his treaties with courtesy, since excellent behavior and
comportment are the doorkeepers to the science of spiritual
purification.
One must have courtesy with regard to God behave properly with
respect to his presence, if he or she wishes to purify the heart.
But how does one achieve this courtesy? A Mahmoud mentioned two
requisite qualities associated with courtesy, modesty, hyah, and
humility. But so again, in order for us to be sincere, right in our
desire to want to purify our hearts from spiritual diseases, a
prerequisite is that we have a dog with a lot, right? And now we need
to learn well, how do we do that? So he's mentioning these two
qualities, you have to have modesty and humility, right? So hi
yah, in Arabic can VT conveys the meaning of shame. Though the root
word of HIA is closely associated with life and living the prophesy
center
have stated, every religion has a quality that is characteristic of
that religion. And the characteristic of my religion is
higher an internal sense of shame. That includes bashfulness, and
modesty. As children, many of us had someone say to us at times,
shame on you. Unfortunately, shame has now come to be viewed as a
negative word, as if it were a pejorative, parents are now often
advised to never cause a child to feel shame. The current wisdom
largely suggests that adults should always make the child feel
good, regardless of his or her behavior. However, doing so
eventually disables naturally occurring deterrence to
misbehavior. So let's unpack that for a moment. Because, you know,
here, what are we talking about? Right, we're talking about helping
a child inculcate within themselves, this ability to, you
know, to regulate their behavior by what by learning how to accept
certain negative feelings, not as a means of bringing them down, or
making them feel bad in terms of you know, their value, but rather
to look at their behavior when they act out, right, when they do
something wrong. We should, you know, all of us adults and
children have the ability to see our own, you know, bad actions and
wrong actions, feel remorse, and wish to redress them wish to fix
them wish wish to somehow, you know, correct our behavior. But
unfortunately, because, again, you know, shumsa mentions here, this
culture has taken this word shame, and made it so negative that even
when a child or someone is doing something wrong, it's seen, you
know, as, as, as a bad thing to correct them, right. And we've
seen this right, I'm sure we've all seen examples of this, where
there's just an over emphasis on trying to cuddle young children,
even when they are clearly wrong, right? So it's because of this
fear, like, Oh, my God, they're so fragile, we're going to break
them, we're going to harm them. But oftentimes, what does that
lead to? Right? How many examples have we seen, where, because
children weren't taught to really correct themselves and feel
remorse and feel bad for their actions, that they actually become
very, you know, entitled, right? Very
just brazen with their behavior, they tend to think that they
should just kind of get away with anything, because where's the, you
know, Where's, where's the process, either within them, or
even in their home environments, or where, where they're being
corrected, if it's not there, they're not going to learn this,
right. So that can, it can really spiral and turn into something
where you have sociopathic tendencies, you know, you're like,
Whoa. And this is what we're seeing in a lot, you know, in
different areas of society, where people who just were never taught
to correct their behavior and discipline when necessary, they,
they start to act out in much worse ways as they grow older. So
this is a very important part of our creation that we have to
inculcate in a healthy way. And that's where, in our tradition,
there's, you know, this healthy degree of shame, that we can, you
know, we can teach children to have that does not, it's not about
people, it's about Allah subhanho data, right. And when you step out
of the balance, you should hold yourself accountable. So teaching
them to do that in a healthy way. So now, he goes on to say that
some anthropologists divide cultures into shame cultures and
guilt cultures. So think about your own background, think about
your family dynamics, you know, where you how you were raised
right. According to this perspective, shame is an outward
mechanism. And guilt is an inward one, which alludes to a human
mechanism that produces strong feelings of remorse, when someone
has done something wrong to the point that he or she needs to
rectify the matter. Most primitive cultures are not guilt based, but
are shame based, which is rooted in in the fear of bringing shame
upon oneself and the larger family. Islam honors the concept
of shame and takes it to another level altogether, to a rank in
which one feels a sense of shame before God. When a person
acknowledges and realizes that God is fully aware of all that one
does, says and thinks shame is elevated to a higher plane to the
unseen world from which there is no cover. At this level, one feels
a sense of shame even before the angels so
While Muslims comprise a shame based culture, this notion
transcends feeling shamed before one's family, whether one's elders
or parents, and admits a mechanism that is not subject to the
changing norms of human cultures. It is associated with the
knowledge and active awareness that God is all seeing of what one
does a reality that is permanent. The nurturing of this realization
in a person deters one from engaging in acts that are
displeasing and vulgar. This is the nobility of Prophetic
teachings. So, again, if we look at a lot of our cultures, how many
of us, and especially those as women may have been corrected a
lot, but the emphasis was on, you know, what will people say, right?
What will the people say? What will your cousins your aunt's your
uncle's? You know, what will people say and, or the community?
And so, it can certainly deter right people, especially young
children, when they're, as they're growing up, because you don't want
to bring shame to your family and you don't want to, you know, have
that on you. But what happens to that person if they're not
taught to also factor in Allah? subhanaw taala? Right. Right, a
lot of people will then do what they may,
you know, show up and act the part and do a fall in line and do
everything correct, because other people are watching them. But
behind closed doors, there's a different reality, right? And this
is the danger of not putting the focus on Allah subhanaw taala,
right. If we're always talking about society, and cultures and
community and family, but we forget to mention that Allah is
with you, always, he knows always what you're doing, and you can't
hide from him. And if you should feel shame in front of anyone,
it's also part of data, that part of the conversation is omitted,
then what you do is you may create, again, a situation where
people are, you know, very socially they act apart and they
do everything correctly. But when they're by themselves or when
nobody's watching that's when they forget to regulate themselves,
right? Because you know, as we've mentioned before the nerves which
is that part of us you know, we have we're trying Yun right but we
have this neffs that is not our it is not an Allah, it's within us,
right? It fills our mind with a lot of thoughts and ideas, but it
actually works against us because the neffs is always pulling us
away from Allah subhanaw taala right, it's always pulling us into
our desires, our whims and so that's why we're taught that
there's four great enemies of the human being right does anybody
know what they are? Other than the neffs what is another great enemy
good Shavonne right, we know of che THON right what else
they can be other times or other people right? Even the closest
people can bring you down. So yes.
So ego enough should be the same right? Ego is the English
equivalent right enough. So, so we have the knifes and we have shaved
on and then the other two are Yeah, so whims and desires right
Hawa. Good. So however, which are they fluctuate, you know, your
desires and whims are not really always consistent and come and go.
So that's one and then the last one is Dinya, right, which is a
very general term that can be applied to a lot of different
things, right. Dunya is the part of this world that is it calls us
to, to things that we that we like power, wealth, material wealth,
right? All of those base desires that a human being, you know, is
tempted by it falls into that. So these four dangers or evils are
everywhere, right? But the one that is the most harmful to the
human being is which one
than us, right? Shaytan is an external enemy, right? All I mean,
shaitan denier they're outside of us, right? Hawaii is what you
know, we inclined to in terms of our desires, but knifes is the
inner voice, right? So that inner voice that tells you to, you know,
whatever, for example, you see someone you haven't seen in a long
time, and you look at them, and then you pass a judgement, right?
You just assume you're there's some thought that's very negative.
Right? It's in your voice. Right? And it's maybe because that person
maybe you have some resentment towards that person if you know
them. I don't know. Like, maybe they didn't invite you to
something and you you're holding on to that girl. That's a you
know, I remember she did
By Me too, this or he didn't, you know, whatever. So you're
immediately remember this negative thing, right? You haven't seen
this person in the longest time, but that's the only thing you can
think of them, right? Because that's just so self centered. So
even when you see someone who you barely know, it automatically
brings you back to some negative thought that relates to you,
right?
Or just in general, anytime you want to do something good, let's
say you wake up and you think, oh, today I'm gonna be productive. And
I'm going to read this amount of Quran and I'm gonna, you know, you
have all these very noble intentions in sha Allah. But then
when the time comes, right, you're like, so tired. You know, I just
didn't have coffee today. And so you started making all these
excuses, right?
I didn't sleep enough last night, I've cramps My feet hurt, my back
hurts. You know, and shall fit. I'll do it next other tomorrow. So
the that thought that tells that justifies you not doing it, and
then procrastinates it right. And then immediately afterwards, what
happens?
Then the you look at your phone.
Or if you're sitting on the couch, and the remotes near your hand,
suddenly.
And you start what? Turning it on. And now you have all the time in
the world to binge watch your favorite show or film or movie,
right. So just made all these excuses for why you can't do
something that would be good for your heart, your soul, right, that
would draw you closer to Allah subhanaw taala. But within
seconds, you have a whole new plan for the night, that some
microwaves and popcorn, get my favorite snacks, get my, you know,
favorite like blankets and on the couch. And now you're binge
watching and you don't go to sleep until like one in the morning.
Because you couldn't help yourself. You know, this favorite
show of yours you haven't watched in a while you want to catch up.
And then what happens? You wake up after
the fajr alarm, right? It's bright outside, and you're like, Oh man,
feeling horrible. Who did all that who plotted against you from the
moment you had the good intention to do something, and then gave you
a full, you know, list of excuses of why not to do it and then had
an alternative plan, write their plan B, right. That's enough. So
that says never working for you. It's always working against you.
And that's why it's so important, again, that we learn to see
ourselves in this way so that when we look at this internal
mechanism, that's so necessary right to, to guilt ourselves,
right? That we understand. It's because it's not about value,
we're not placing a value right on and there's actually a hadith I
don't have it memorized exactly, but it's something to the extent
that don't say like, your knifes is defiled, like we don't make
these broad statements right about the neffs. But rather you say,
like the knifes acted out, right? So you can assign blame to it, but
you're not condemning it or acting like it's just it's all you know,
it's tainted, it's stained forever. That's not our way.
Right. Mashallah. You had a question? Yes.
How do we differentiate?
That's a very good question, Michelle. So the question is, how
can you tell the difference between a West USA from a bliss or
shaitan are whispering of the heart and something that is from
your own nap? So it's an excellent question, because we should know
how to differentiate. So our teachers taught us that the bottom
line is is shaytaan is very nuanced, right? shaytans
whisperings are always to get you to the next degree of sin. So when
you start, you know, going from, you know, one bad action to the
next and then it's like new stuff starts being introduced. Those are
always wasa right, because he's he doesn't he doesn't care once
you've already started doing something, right. If you're
missing Fajr, he's not going to keep telling you miss budget,
right? He's moving on to Vahana and ASA and motherlove, until
you're not paying it off. So he's always gonna go to the next level,
whereas your knifes habituates you to the same behavior. So anytime
you're doing the same sin that you've been doing for months and
years, you can't blame shame on you can't say Oh, shaitan made me
do it. No, that's a cop out. Your enough's is habituated to the sin.
So you have to hold yourself responsible. Right? So if you've
been missing pleasure for weeks, that's on you. Okay, it's not you
can't say it was anybody else's fault. But it's an excellent
question. So yeah, always pay attention, you know, to like, you
know, if a person like I said, it could be something that they
stopped doing like prayer
we're even doing like if you are, you know, some people think, I
mean, there's differences of opinion about these things but
like smoking cigarettes or shisha you know, we know what these are
right? Someone starts off doing something like that and they think
oh, it's no big deal just it's like a vise I'm just blowing off
some steam literally right? I'm just I needed to relax, right?
will shut down might find, okay, I'm going to keep at this person
until smoking cigarettes and shisha doesn't become enough
anymore, right because they lose their potency after a while now
it's like, you know what, what's the harm? Why don't you just smoke
some weed, you know, it's okay, medical marijuana, you know, you
have, you have this problem, that problem and so he's gonna sit
there and get you to do something like to the next degree, right and
then after smoking weed for a while, then it's like, you know
what, life is too hard and you, you need to escape, you need to
you need to get away from it all. So then it's alcohol, you see. So
that's how he works. It's just one degree worse and worse each time.
Okay, so that's how you differentiate in such an event for
Croatia, already how much? Okay.
So, um, so back to this, you know, concept of, you know, our
cultures, we need to really remind ourselves, especially those of us
who are parents, right, if you have children, you want to always
make sure that when you're teaching them, and I kind of I've
written about this before, but there's two ways of removing
ourselves from the equation when we're instructing our children and
trying to teach them to be mindful of Allah subhanaw taala. And also
praise, right, when they are being thankful, and in a state of
gratitude. And what I mean by that is, in both situations, it's very
normal for the parent to kind of put themselves, you know, in the,
like, center themselves, right. So like, if I'm upset with my child
for doing something wrong, the focus is, I can't believe you did
that. Right? I'm so disappointed in you, how could you do this? You
know, and it's very much like I write, when, as they get older,
you know, we need to remove ourselves from that and talk more
about Allah subhanaw taala? You know, how do you think Allah's
part that feels? Or how would he, you know, respond? How is how
would this, you know, how would this action be deemed by Allah
subhanaw taala, right, getting the child to start thinking in that
frame, because at the end of the day, we just don't know how long
we're going to be around, right for our children. But if we help
them to connect their actions to Allah, right, more so than
necessarily looking to us, right, then it'll help them so that even
when we're not there, right, when they are in their teenage years,
college years, we're not going to be with them every moment of the
day, you know, when they're younger? Yeah, sure, we, we may
have more control. But as they get older, and they're not with us all
the time, we need to teach them to be thinking on a different level.
And this is what Islam teaches, right? This is what this is about.
And even with praise. So if you you know, are buying your children
a gift, or you did something nice for that child, right? It's very,
it feels good. You know, everybody loves to be acknowledged,
especially if that's your love language, you know, you like words
of affirmation, you like praise you, like compliments, you like
the love and the hugs and the kisses. That's wonderful.
Hamdulillah. But as we are receiving that love and attention
from our children, we should immediately remind them to say 100
Allah, you know, Allah is so generous, he's the one who gave
you this gift, you know, I'm just, I'm just bringing it to you, I'm
delivering it to you. I'm like the Amazon, you know, to deliver, I
just brought it to you. But the source of you know, is a lot. So
you have to say a handler to Allah, right? Be grateful to all
of us have had that. And so what that does is it builds a really
strong connection to our law. And even like I said, when we're not
there, because at some point, Allah knows, we may not be there.
The child has a very strong connection to a lot. But all of
this is in the same vein, you know what it's about not putting focus
on the wrong thing. So shame, guilt. It's not just about me and
your father and our family and extended family and the community.
It's about more importantly, your Creator, the one who made you,
right? He made you and he has high expectations of you. So if you've
done something wrong, if you should feel bad towards anyone,
it's a lot. And that's that's where this mechanism is based.
It's on Allah.
Imam Ahmed also mentions that one should have fun, which literally
means being lowly, abject or humbled. The Quran mentions that
people who incur the anger of God
I have this state of humiliation thrust upon them. This humility or
humbleness assumed before God is required for courtesy. So, you
know, there's there's two sides to this. There's proactively, like,
you know, being already in a state of humility before Allah subhanaw
taala, which is obviously, the right course, right? All of us
should feel, you know, we're impoverished, we're, we're very
low in front of God, because we recognize our sinfulness. We're
forgetful, we're just deficient in so many ways, and we're so in need
of Him. So that puts you in a very subdued, humble state. That's a
good thing. But the other side of it is when we are arrogant, and
we're acting,
you know, we're doing things that we shouldn't be doing, we risk
Allah subhanaw taala, literally humiliating us, which we should
never want, right, being exposed, being humiliated before people are
just and there are people who have suffered, who have suffered very,
you know, serious consequences of of,
you know, incurring the wrath of Allah, where he will teach them
this lesson on humility, in a very harsh way, right, like learning
that lesson, the hardest way possible. So we want to always
have be proactive with this humility, like Come, come to Allah
SubhanAllah. In this state already. Interestingly, the word
monka, Iran is translated as dejected, though it literally
means broken. It conveys a sense of being humbled in the majestic
presence of God, it refers to the awesome realization that each of
us at every moment, lives and acts before the August presence of the
Creator of the heavens of the Earth, the one God besides whom
there is no power, or might in all of the universe. And that's, you
know, again, one of the things about young children that I think
is really extraordinary, and we should be grateful to be around
young children, because they remind us of this is that they are
naturally in awe of everything, right? Like, you could give a
child if I mean, any new experience, especially the smaller
they are, everything is like, wow, exciting, you know, and it's
really amazing to be in that presence, because by the time
we're adults, we sometimes we lose that, right? We don't have because
everything's normal, or we've, you know, seen it all or had a lot of
experiences. And so, that newness of it has kind of dimmed, but the
sad thing about that is, you know, we can also lose sight of things
that, like just, I mean, if you really think about I mentioned
this earlier, in the class I did on clubhouse, about just the fact
that existence itself is quite extraordinary, like every moment
of our existence is extraordinary, it is worth the Subhana Allah,
right, the sense of like, how am I doing this? Like, how am I you
know, I watched this TED talk yesterday, part of it, where this
woman was talking about language and how she's like, you know, I'm
just making these utterances with my mouth, and they're sending
vibrations, you know, out there, just these noises, but those come
into your ear, and then your brain. Makes sense, right? That's
what language is, what else is language other than people just
using the faculty of speech, right to make certain sound
combinations, right, breathing a certain way, bouncing certain
thoughts, you know, sounds off of our tongue. And those vibrations
are then computed by this brain of ours into meaning. So that when
she had I think she had, she had a cool little exercise, but she
said, I can make you think of something so strange that, you
know,
she said something like, you know, imagine a jellyfish walking into a
library, you know, and eating a doughnut, you know, it's such a
bizarre eye concept that there's that's not anything real. And I
don't think anybody's ever seen that before. Right? But just by
way of language that Allah Subhan has given us, this ability to
speak, we can all use our imagination and actually hold the
same thought, even if it looks a little different, right? But it's
half of fascinating is that so if you really think about existence
and think about, you know, every moment of your day and you're
aware and present of Allah subhanaw taala it should put you
in a state of Subhanallah like every day is really a gift. Every
single day I wake up right every single day that we wake up in
especially when you know for example, asleep. Sleep is what the
Hadith it's the little brother of, of death. So why because our soul
departs every night when we sleep. So when you
Think of sleep as like, every night our soul, you know is
separated from our body and then Allah puts it back in, then when
you wake up in the morning, you should be in a state of
SubhanAllah. Right? Like, wow, thank you like I have existence
right again. And so the, but every moment, you can find that that
level of like all if you if you pause and think.
So when we see it, then he goes on to say, when we seriously reflect
on God's perfect watch over his creation, and the countless
blessings He sends down, and then consider the kind of deeds we
bring before him. What can we possibly feel except humility and
shame, right.
And that's, you know, again, another
point of reflection, like, How many of you've seen that video
where it was all over the internet for a while, but it's of this
woman who is like, I think it's her eye, it's a zooming in and
zooming out kind of a video where she's looking out, she's laying on
some grass, and she's looking and they go into her eye and kind of
go like, basically, this, this microscopic lens right into the
human being, and then they zoom right back out into the universe,
right? It's a powerful video, really, I mean, in terms of like,
the message, right? Like, we are a universe within a universe, you go
into our cellular, you know, states and just look at the way
Allah has created us. And all of the different systems we have,
right? Or just think of our systems, right, our digestive
system, our, our, all of our different systems, right, our
respiratory system, circulatory system, look at all of it and look
at how they it's all working in this incredible design way, right?
And then you go back out, and you zoom out, and you look at the
universe and the cosmos and the fact that we are moving. And
that's always a thought that just really grips me when I think of
this universe that we know, you know, we're orbiting the sun. And
we understand that, but then to know that it's all in it's all in
motion at the same time. Right? So it's one thing that it's orbiting,
but we're also moving, and then we're expanding, and it's like,
what does that even mean? Right? But all of that is supposed to
bring us again into this awareness of how small we are in this vast
creation of Allah subhana does, you know, of this universe or the
many universes that are out there. And that awareness should bring us
into the state of absolutely, like so humbled to be alive and to be
in existence, I don't want chose for us to be a human and not like
anything else. Right? Subhanallah so with that said, we'll take a
little bit of a break for Aisha, I tried on some of you want to pray
and then we'll resume.
Inhale
carefully
shamed and the culture
or concept of
shame
even if you don't see him
you're like,
what, that that's shameful. You're not.
Right. And then when it comes to build culture, I feel like that's
like another level of shame, like guilty towards some of the two
disabilities like So ultimately, when we get older, we're like,
Okay, I just feel bad because I knew my mom's side. Right. So, but
later on when we get more
even care about that, because, exactly, so when it comes to our
next
because he was saying that.
Right.
Exactly. You know, it's on point and that's exactly what is SN, as
you said, is having full awareness right, that I was surprised I was
watching at all times. And so you're removing the human factor,
right, those we're not putting focus on anyone else, whether it's
family, whether it's x, you know, society culture, because as you
said,
You know, we'll just it'll, it's like a moving goalpost. So keep
changing. Like, now it's your parents that it's going to be your
spouse, it's gonna be your in laws, like at what point right?
And what about when those people aren't there. But if you're always
focusing on Allah subhanaw taala, right, which is bringing him into
your awareness being very clear that even when I'm alone, right by
myself, nobody's around, that he's watching, he's with me, right,
he's closer to me in my jugular vein, that I need to check myself
and I need to not allow right for my neffs to get a hold of me. But
bringing him into your awareness is an exercise it's like so that
we have to practice doing, we have to constantly remember him. But
how do you do that, right? If you're too distracted by
everything else, and you're not taught how to do that. So that's
where Sn is, you know, something that we'll need to cultivate and
work towards, but especially with young children, because you can,
you know, you can teach them to always remember a lot, you know,
through not just, you know, ritual acts, but just to look out in the
world, like when I'm with my kids, and we're driving, you know, I
know, it's normal for a lot of people in, you know, they're on a
long drive, for example, to just listen to music, or chit chat
about whatever, right? But there has to be a period to where you
say,
look at this extraordinary world, we're just, we're gonna car you
know, and we're removing, but then, like, look at these trees,
look at this, look at how Allah has given, you know, the human
intellect, the ability to create these buildings and structures,
you know, point them to see a lot in everything. Because if we can
do that, then so it becomes
a reactive automatic process. Right, but we have to do it too.
And the problem is, when you have devices, and you have, you know,
too many commitments and you're juggling, we're not even doing
adults, we're not bringing online to our awareness enough, right?
Because the neffs is always distracting us to, to what, to
things that are going to take us away from the remembrance of
Allah. There aren't it's not telling us to remember what it's
telling us listen to music, go on social media, go on Tik Tok on
Instagram, go on Netflix, you know, go talk to salsa, go
shopping, go e right. It's telling us to do all those things because
that's what's going to take us away from the remembrance of Allah
so we have
that's why you know, again, when you start adapting or adopting the
processes example you'll see that he was he's always in the
remembrance of Allah at every point of his day at every moment
Right? That's why we have the offer everything you know, you
wake up you wake up and there's the dawn right.
And then you go to the bathroom and there's
you come out of the bathroom, there's a dog you go to eat, you
have to say a dog right and then after you're done so like what
point of your day are you not doing the remembrance of Allah
there's always remembrance of Allah and then in between you know
that He tells us to a stuffer you know, remember death, like there's
it's really to fill our mind with remembrance of Him so that we're
not left to our own devices because when we're not doing
remembrance of Allah, we will likely fall we will likely fall
short we will likely fall into sin. Right? So it's so important
but like you said, it comes down to
how do you cultivate a sense
of identity. Sure, so you know IDEV as we know is sorry, it's not
because I just realized I think we're recording still so this is
gonna be an interesting part of the recording. I don't know if
that's coming through that's okay. So um
let's wait a moment and Sharla until it's done and then I'll come
back.
Right
Shall I think sisters will return but just to answer your question.
So other is, you know, defined technically as adequate, right,
it's just having etiquette comportment good manners. But when
we're in this context, we're talking about having a dip with a
lot like in order
for a person to really want to purify themselves, they have to
understand their relationship with their Creator, right. And so that
requires, you know, a sense of courtesy before God. So that's
what he's describing is that in order to really cleanse your
heart, and have success, cleansing it, the prerequisite is that you
understand you're, you know, the, that there's a degree of, of
etiquette or courtesy that you have to have before Allah subhanaw
taala, just by virtue of him creating you, right, and that you
enter this whole process of Tesio with that awareness, that before
God, you should hold yourself to a certain standard, out of courtesy
to him for creating you forgiving you existence, right? And so what
is that? It's, again, purifying this heart because that's, you
know, the the purpose of why we're here, he created us to worship
Him. And so what is the most important thing that a human being
on the Day of Judgment presents him with, it's what we call the
Colburn Salim, right, that purified sound heart. So if you
understand that, that is the ultimate purpose of your creation,
then you enter this process of Ischia with with this in mind that
I have to be, I have to have that sense of shame before God, like
truly because we can, you know, around human beings, what's
interesting about people is, it's very hard for us to, you know,
admit fault, right to show when we're wrong in front of people,
it's hard for a lot of people to do that. And that's ego, that's
nuts. That laughs doesn't want to ever really admit it's wrong,
right? You'll see this. And families, you'll see this in
politics, and how many situations that we've seen where it's like,
come on, you're so obviously wrong, right? But people have a
very hard time admitting those mistakes in front of others. And
so with human beings, we tend to have these walls up and it's all
ego, what have you. But you know, for a person who anyway wants to
actually read themselves as spiritual diseases, they can't
fake it, they can you can't fake this, you can't come right to a
process of test yet not willing, not fully, you know,
trance are fully aware of yourself, you know, you can't you
can't put on a fake, you know, display, you have to have full
transparency before God. So that's where that internal shame, you
know, that awareness and the thought that the humility like I
am weak, I am flawed I am this. So these prerequisites are what are
defined as having other with God that you are willing to show this
reality of yourself humility to before God, you don't have to do
it with other people, like we don't have to, as human beings, go
and admit our sinfulness to people, right, because it's hard
to do that, you know, that we don't have that concept, right? In
other traditions, they have this concept where you have to go to,
you know, like an intermediary, confess your sins, right? And feel
that that I mean, whatever that that process is, well, we don't
have that. Like, we don't have to tell anybody anything, but you
can't, you should. And you should have no hesitation, whatsoever, to
fully,
you know, expose yourself before God and to say, I am a sinner. You
know, I'm fully bereft. I have nothing, you know, you shouldn't
do that. And what's stopping you from doing that? Right, what is
there there's a lack of understanding of your relationship
with your Creator. So, you know, the book, I mean, in the
introduction here, they start off just he starts off mentioning it
that, in order to do this process of this idea of really purifying
the heart, we have to, you know, come into the process ready to, to
show this to God to show this courtesy before God. So is that
clear? Yeah.
All right, so Hamdulillah we had a little break for Isha, and then
some just impromptu q&a For those who are watching on Livestream,
but inshallah we can pick up back
where we left off. So, we mentioned here again, that when we
seriously reflect on God's perfect watch over his creation, and the
countless blessings He sends down, and then consider the kind of
deeds we bring before him. What can we possibly feel except
humility and shame. So this is where all of us need to think
inwardly again, within ourselves, think about every breath you take,
who's facilitating that for you? Think about every meal you've ever
eaten? Have we ever really gone hungry? I mean, if we are really
honest with ourselves, have we ever starved and no Ramadan,
fasting does not count or investing in general, right?
That's not starvation. Starvation is, you know, like, you have not
eaten and it can drive a person that actually Subhan Allah, I saw
this video the other day of this woman, who, you know, people are
just so cruel nowadays, because we have these phones, you can whip
them out and just start videotaping someone without their
knowledge. A lot of them she may have had major mental health
problems, I don't know. But she was in a supermarket. And she was
screaming and shouting. And someone just took out their phone.
And they were taking a video of her just to kind of, you know,
make a case out of her whatever. But what she was saying, as soon
as I was audible, what she was saying, I was like all the biller,
she said something regarding hunger, she was like, you know, so
like, I can't remember her words. But it was basically she was
telling people, she's starving, like she is starving. And that's
why she was having a meltdown. So real starvation leads people to do
some horrendous things. I mean, I've watched documentaries,
they're the shows on on prime, Amazon Prime, that I think are
good to watch, you know, they're they, they display people, kind of
in these extreme situations, you know, where they're either, you
know, vacationing or taking a hike or somewhere in nature, and then
they end up being stranded and what things that they, you know,
end up doing, so they're reenactments.
The series that I'm thinking of is called alive, I should or I
shouldn't be alive. And I think I mean, I think it will really
increase your demand to watch those shows, because you see
people in the most desperate situations possible. And then I
was pantah, bringing the, you know, he saves them. And it's just
amazing. Some of the stories and these are true stories. They're
just reenactments, but one story and was, I think, two friends,
there were young teenagers, who just decided to go boating, and
their boat got caught up in a tidal wave or something, and it
pushed them all the way out really far. And they had no water, no
food, nothing. They got to such a point. And I remember, like, I
watched the skull like Subhanallah, can we understand
what that would feel like, but one of the boys was so hungry, that he
actually had a knife and he was ready to chop off his finger. And
he told his friend that he just needed to eat something. He was
willing to mutilate his finger, just so he could, you know, feel
the sensation of chewing on something.
I mean, I don't think Altavilla May Allah protect all of us from
ever knowing what that feels like. But you will see many, many
examples of people in those desperate types of situations
where they lose their you know, I mean, it's not that's not a you
know, I mean, that's a reaction that in that state, you can
understand. But how many of us think about the fact that we've
never experienced that before, right? We've never been in a
situation. I mean, I, you know, think about my own, you know, life
and what almost father has spared me from experiencing because my
family and I were able to escape, you know, us on at the brink of a
war with a very harrowing story where we almost died several
times. And then he brought me over here. So you have to think about
these things for your own life. Like think about all the things
that haven't happened to you, that Allah has protected you from
right.
And the fact that he's sustaining you and that He's given you, a
family and a house and home and all of us who came here, right?
How did we get here we have a vehicle. There are people who've
never seen a car before. You know, there are people who, who have to
walk miles or
Every day just for clean drinking water, you know, these women I've
seen, again, documentaries of these women will wake up with
super early, they put those huge, you know,
things on their head basis or whatever on their head, and they
have to walk two miles three miles, just for clean drinking
water, they come back who does that every day, we don't do that
every day. So this is where, you know, you suddenly start to
realize Subhan Allah, and here I am sitting. Right? It was giving
me so much and I talk back to you know, so on. So I make Liba I
don't do my prayers on time all the biller, and then it makes you
feel this tiny, which is exactly what it's supposed to do. That's
the internal shame word we're looking for. That's what we should
be looking for. Right? That feeling of just, I'm embarrassed
by myself, that I that I could be so ungrateful to God, that I would
allow myself to do these things, right.
These strong feelings should lead us to implore God to change our
state, make our desires consonant with his pleasure, giving up our
designs for God's designs. This is pure courtesy with respect to God,
a requisite for spiritual purification. So completely being
aware of one's shortcomings, and how much you know when we need
Allah subhanaw taala and being in this state of just smallness, you
know,
just diminishing ourselves before Allah is what is meant by having a
dub with Allah. Okay, so that courtesy that we want. The problem
is, like Sam said, None of you fully believes until his desires
are in accordance with what I have brought. That is a very powerful
statement. You know, like, if we we all inshallah we all are
Muslim, right? And it's mostly, you know, Hamdulillah, we accept
Islam, we've submitted, we've declared our shahada, but he's
telling us here,
full belief, perfect belief, right? Doesn't happen until you
what you want is in line aligns with what I want, or what I've
taught, right, my teachings. So wherever there's something
missing, we have to go back first of all learn, right, we have to
know about the process of them teachings, we can't just be
walking around, like many people do, where they're just ignorant.
And they say, right, I mean, this is a culture we have a saying
ignorance is bliss. There are people who want to remain
ignorant, because they would rather not know and I'm sure
you've heard people go there, it'll tell me, I don't want to
know, they'll tell me. Because as soon as you they know, they know
that they're going to feel maybe some guilt. That's not good
enough. And especially in this day and age, where we have information
at our fingertips, you know, and we have access to knowledge. You
know, knowledge to seek knowledge is incumbent upon us, but even
more so, when it's brought to you we don't even have to leave our
homes, to get knowledge. You know, there was a time where you needed
you wanted to learn your deen, you had to go out you had to go to the
masjid or maybe walk, you know, miles or go on your camel or horse
or whatever, to get to a person of knowledge. So that you could learn
because there was no other way. Some people were illiterate. They
didn't know how to read yet. Or they just didn't have you know,
paper like papers. What a blessing that we can actually write and
print these these things and learn and read. But nowadays, Subhan
Allah, there's nothing that we can't learn from home pretty much.
You know, they have every type of class and offering and teachers
you know, you want to learn the book of Allah. You can get a
teacher right now. All the way across the world. Any time frame
you pick your pick, five o'clock in the morning, you'll find
somebody want to pick nine o'clock at night you find someone, there's
no excuse, right? And it's so affordable. So it's on us to not
be ignorant, but we have to align our desires with his being aligned
and at peace with the teachings of the prophesy centum which embody
the legacy of the Prophetic teachings of no no perfect No.
Ibrahim Musa Islam Nisa CERAM entails striving to free oneself
of greed and refusing the ethic of doing something for an ulterior
motive that is essentially selfish and dissonant with the teachings
of God's prophets. I didn't say that. A person should
should not seek anything for
When God's servants, if one wants anything, one should seek it from
God. So first we want to align our, what we want with all us with
with what the Broncos are taught, but with his teachings. Next, we
also want to make sure that we don't have expectations from
people lower the expectations from people. A big part of why so many
people suffer, is because we have far too many expectations from
people and not enough of our Lord. Right? We ask a lot of our
families, of our spouses of our children of our neighbors of our
community members, but we don't even make dua to Allah subhanho
data enough. So that's number you know, it's a big problem. And a
big reason why so many people are walking around really disappointed
in life, because human beings are, you know, we're deficient, we're
faulted, we're flood. We're not, you know, we're not going to
always be there, we're going to disappoint you. That's why, you
know, we're taught repeatedly that this dunya
and people are designed to disappoint you. Like the whole of
it is designed for that. Whereas Allah subhanaw taala never
disappoints. So, this is the next phase of it, like once you start
to see kind of like, follow the conversation, right? You want to
purify your heart, first and foremost, put yourself in that
abject state, be humble before God, right? Show your humility,
Have some shame for everything you haven't done, and that you should
have done. Right? To be in that state. Now, think about
proactively, what you need to change in order to align yourself
with his most beloved right? Where are the what is it about the
promised lessons, teachings that you either don't know that you
should know that you're not implementing that you should be
implementing? If he taught you to do it, why aren't you doing it?
Why is your standard better than his? Right? So the most simple
thing? Right, we're taught that the prophesy some always and this
was according to send it he says that he was always a cheery
disposition. Right. He was always smiling.
Does that mean the process and didn't suffer?
Now, of course, he suffered. Look at his life, read his Sierra, he
had so much suffering. But why did why was it his son to smile?
Right? We know that smiling is a sadaqa. Why was he always cheerful
around people?
Did he bring his misery to people?
No.
Because that was his magnanimity, his generosity of self. He had
pain. He never knew his father. He lost his mother when he was six
years old. He had to bury five of his six children. He lost so many
of his beloved family members and and he was persecuted and he went
through pain. But when he met with people, he was always of cheery
disposition. That is his sunnah. So now let's think of us. Do I
meet people with a cheery disposition? Or am I this
stone faced? Can never smile.
Right?
I'm always venting, complaining about something or another.
And we all have to examine ourselves. Like if you go
outside, and you're, you know, very selective with who you show
your friendliness to that's not from his sunnah. If you're like,
oh, just my friends, I'm going to show my smiley face too. But
people I don't know. I really say sounds to them. That's not from
the Sunnah. The Sunnah is to say, Center, Right? I've just been
going where we say so I'm tell everybody, those we know in those
we don't know. It's not only your friends and only your clique. But
how many of us have been in gatherings where we've walked in?
And we haven't felt? Warm? Welcome, right.
Maybe we didn't feel it from the hosts. Or we didn't feel from
certain people. Or maybe we didn't do it. Maybe we didn't come in
saying somebody's cool. Everyone's like, Oh, we didn't do that. We
just went zoom right to our group. Right? How many of us do that?
We're uncomfortable, you know, showing
the, the prophetic beauty of just openness, just openness. So okay.
It doesn't mean you know, come and take from me, it just means I'm
willing to, again, spread goodwill because everybody's got problems.
But you know what, you know, it feels really good to meet someone
and they're smiling. How great does it feel? You see someone
across the machine? You know, they're waving, you know, it feels
good. Doesn't it feel good? Like you can have some
The problems but just seeing a person, so happy to see you feels
really good. But our community, we don't do that to people anymore.
You have people coming into the machine and everybody's scowling.
And nobody even like, I mean, it happens. There's people that this
is their experience that if you want to, I've been to gatherings
where, you know, I remember I went to this one gathering, and it was
a, like a baby shower. And, you know, the hostess asked me to give
like a nurse just because she wanted the baraka and 100 I had
some sisters coming up afterwards. And they just told me that, you
know, we haven't gotten the masjid for years. Because we didn't feel
welcome there. We didn't feel like, comfortable there. But this
was a really good, you know, experience. So thank you so much.
And I was just really sad like, subhanAllah maybe because of one
or two incidences, you know, they didn't feel welcome across a
subway or the machine. I mean, this was, you know, another
conversation, but we turn people away all the time, because we're
not doing the Sunnah. But whereas what if we just said, You know
what, that's it. From now on, I want to be more like the promises
of I'm just going to smile. As much as I can fake it, even if you
have to, it's okay. Because you're doing it for the sake of Allah,
there's reward in it. So even if you're internally upset, you know,
it's okay. And I'll tell you, I mentioned this earlier to in my
other class, but I was so upset by this video, because it just was
like, just put it left a really bad taste in my mouth.
But this was also a video that I saw, you know, people share things
with me all the time. So that's why I'm watching. But this video
was interesting, because it was this woman who was she came up
with this phrase called nice mean.
Or is it mean nice, nice mean, I think. And she made this whole
parody of what it means. And what it is, is, she was like, you know,
at a doctor's office, and someone came and sat next to her made
small talk. So she's showing the two sides of herself, the internal
dialogue,
which is like, Oh, God, don't sit next to me. There's a huge, you
know, and then the fakeness of, you know, speaking to this woman
and answering her questions, I'm ready to go. You know, so she's
showing her her fakeness to her and then her internal state. And
it was so it was just a disturbing because you realize a lot of
people do that nowadays. Right?
duplicitous. pneus is like almost expected, you know, to just show
two faces. So you're you smile at someone, but then internally,
you're judging them. Right, internally, you're annoyed that
they're even making a conversation, you know, making a
conversation, you get into the elevator with someone and someone
asks you how your day is, how many of us are like, God, let me alone
to talk to you right now. Right?
I don't want to talk to you right now. Whereas you gotta go back and
you say, No, Subhan Allah.
Allah said, This person in my path, I don't know who they are,
you know, what they, why, why they're in my path, but Allah sent
them. Therefore there must be meaning that we both we think of
the odds, a billion people on the planet, you and that person just
happened to enter, you know, the elevator at the exact same moment.
You don't know what their days been like, they don't know your
days been like, but can't you make a moment of just a nice exchange
of hos leave it at that and go your ways, why we have to allow
our knifes to take over right? Because this is again, the human
condition. We don't pay attention to our thoughts and we don't see
that those toxic tendencies will just permeate will just start to
keep growing and growing. And we become more and more entitled and
more and more rude, and less patient with people. And then we
complain because it's a vicious cycle, right? We have all these
bad qualities, life isn't going well for us. And we start
complaining and then thinking, Allah doesn't even answer my dos.
This is like the conclusion. That's what the Epson shaped on do
right? It's to completely delude us from our own reality whereas a
believer will sit there always point the finger back at
themselves. Like Wait a second. Things aren't going well for me
and my relationship or my risk. Maybe I'm not happy in my job or
whatever. Y'all okay, there's a this is an indication something's
wrong with me. You see, I need to go back to the drawing board on me
what am I doing? Am I not do my prayers on time? I better check my
prayers and my dad doing this. Did I abandon this sooner? Do I Do I
need to do this more like this is how we problem solve. When we see
problems a believer right is you automatically come back to
yourself. But when you're deluded by your knifes, you're pointing
fingers at everyone else, and that's the danger of you know, not
again, being aware of your of yourself, right? And so
back to
This point here, lowering the expectations
of people will save you a lot of problems in life. Just don't
expect from people and never do anything
with ulterior motives other than just for the sake of Allah. So
someone asks you for a favor. Don't do it with like, Okay, I'll
get you back on this one, you know, I'm gonna come and collect
my, my payment from you when it's time. Don't do that. You know,
just say, Inshallah, for the sake of Allah help you don't even for a
moment, calculate what you can get out of that person. That's not
right, right, we should do things, because we are looking at it from
the lens of what would Allah want me to do in this situation? Right?
I want his radar. I don't want some worldly benefit from this
person. I don't want them you know, I don't want to have to come
back and collect my favor or even think on that petty level. I don't
want to be that person that does that. I just want to say, okay,
financial life, if I can help you and remove your burdens, just like
the process them taught us to do, right. But this is, you know,
the, he said, In one Hadith, he said that he, it's more
sorry, I've tried to phrase it correctly. But he would love more.
To walk with a brother or you know, someone in need and help
them remove their need, than to sit for an entire month in Medina,
just doing his worship. There's a hadith of the process. That's
beautiful. To remove the burden of another person, the President
would love that more than to just worship Allah for a month in his
own Masjid. So then think about us how many of us run from helping
people, because we think it's like, pointless, but we don't know
the weight of these things. To remove the burden of a brother or
sister Allah is telling us if the one who does that he will remove
your burdens on the Day of Judgment, who doesn't want their
burdens to be removed? Right? So when we meet with people, and they
have a need from us, or whatever, hamdulillah but we don't have
expectations from them. Right?
Inshallah you you want to do good for me, I'll have the law, you
don't have the the law, I don't look to you. Because you're just a
means. Whereas the source is where I look to, if Allah wants me to be
to receive a benefit of blessing, it's going to come no matter what.
And I'm not gonna get hung up on someone, oh, they didn't do this
for me. And I, I spent so much time helping them with this. And
then they forgot all about me. I mean, I'm telling you what I've
heard over the years, these are the complaints a lot of people
have about being disappointed. My sister in law did this. My brother
did this, my husband did this. And it's always like, disappointed
that they didn't come through when I thought they should, right. So
my responses
should lower the expectations. Because if you have no
expectations of anybody, guess what you're gonna walk around not
being disappointed easily you won't be triggered, you'll be
bothered just like human beings. We're all forgetful as what we do.
Right now. I've seen UPS everybody's in their own Nazi echo
chamber, doing whatever serves them, why am I expecting them to
suddenly think of me? Right? We're all the same. And then you say,
Hello us. If Allah Allah is the distributor of all such all i Look
to Allah, and if I have a need, that needs to be fulfilled, I ask
a lot of fulfillment for me, and I look to my anybody else. It'll
really save a lot of our heartache. If we do that.
The basic rule is to ask God and then work and that is one should
utilize the means as bad that one must use in order to achieve
something in this world. So now, it comes to fulfilling your needs,
right? We always ask Allah subhanaw taala for whatever it is
that we want from this life, but we also have to take our steps
forward to get those things we can't just expect it to come into
our lap, you know, we can't say Inshallah, you know, the food will
just appear for dinner. I mean, maybe the Door Dash and these
conveniences, but you know, we have to take the action right?
Forward. So, but we always start with asking Allah subhanaw taala.
Remember, who then says that one should hasten or hasten to fulfill
God's command, and to be wary of the subtle encroachment of bad
manners namely, faults that one is unaware of a hadith states one of
you will say a word and give it no consideration, though it will drag
the person who uttered it through Hellfire for 70 years, people
often become so disconnected from Prophetic teachings that they
unwittingly inflict great harm upon themselves. It is comparable
to a heedless person who finds himself in
In diplomatic circles laden with protocol, yet he makes horrendous
breaches of protocol without realizing it. Without regard to
God with regard to God, the matter is obviously much more serious as
one soul may be harmed by one's own breaches. In this case, the
protocol involves knowledge of God and what He has enjoyed and
proscribed. So this example, right? And that,
you know, there's a person who is basically in a really high level
meeting, let's say, right diplomatic circles, I let's
imagine that like you're with politicians, or with people who
are very highbrow as they say, right? If you've ever been in
those environments, or even watched, you know, movies, where
they show these aristocrats and people who have high level, you
know that there's protocol like you when you sit to eat, right,
they have etiquettes. And they'll even teach like, you have to do
this a certain way to do that a certain way you go see the Queen,
right? In England, there's protocol, right, you have to
balance our way curtsy, and certainly the way you dress,
there's a lot of steps you have to take. Now, if someone is thrown
into an environment like that, where they have no clue that
there's protocols, that there's actions that they they're being
evaluated and judged upon, right, then they're going to end up
making a lot of mistakes. And so that's how when we don't
understand, right, the other the courtesies that are required,
between us and God, we're just going to be careless, we say
things, we do things, right, without thinking. This is why it's
so important to have this knowledge of what are what is
expected of me and to, of course, be so grateful that we have the
example of the prophesy son, because we don't have to do this
work of figuring it out. Right? It's his life is is it it's the
perfect example for us all. We have this copy, cut, paste, copy,
right? So we just looked at as example follow it, and then we'd
love to do the thinking like, is this bad at the booth? God? Is
this is, I mean, imagine if we had to do that for ourselves. So it'd
be very nerve racking, wouldn't it? Like, how do we know? But
Allah made it so easy, just follow the prompts. I said in this
example. And if you do that, you will have courtesy with God and
you will prevent yourself from like this headache states, right?
That you may say something so inappropriate, that it could be
the reason why we go to *. And this is also you know, the Hadith
that complements this one is that there'll be a person who has one
hand span, right, close to Jana. But then one action, they did take
some to hellfire. And then the opposite. But there's a person who
will be one hand span post agenda, hand span is very short distance,
almost with you know, I mean, close to hellfire, excuse me, but
then one actually did Allah forgives them and, and grants them
Jana. So this is to humble us that we don't know. Right? And we
should never get ahead of ourselves to think that we are,
we've kind of got it made, you know, just because we've been
wearing hijab, since however long we've made this many umbrellas and
heard, we'd pray, none of us know. And the more humble we are, and we
realize that we have to always be watchful over ourselves, the much
more likely we will be in this subdued, like this, you know,
humbled state. But as soon as we start thinking of ourselves, you
know,
as anything or become forgetful and careless, that's when we're in
very dangerous waters. So 100 a lot. Let me just check the time
here. So do we have any questions before we move on? Maybe read just
a little bit more? Yes. So the idea about like, not having
expectations, less than heartbreak, I understand that, but
you're trying to, like, you do have what, especially within
families, there are expectations of I'm gonna support you in this
way. And, and then we're trying to like you, you know, you have,
you're going to do the same for me. And even when you're community
building, you have to, like give up a certain bit of yourself. And
there's like trust that's formed and built. And so like, I don't
know how to like the balance of like, trying to establish this
connection and be a little bit vulnerable. And then if it gives
me a crash, like, I don't know, like how to not get your heart
entangled into those by not like coming off as kind of like, no
expectations or like, in reality, like, there are like, ways of
behaving and building that is a form excitation. So it's confusing
for me. Sure. No, it's a wonderful questions as I go ahead. And so
yes, striking the balance of basically, understanding that yes,
we are social creatures, we have, you know, institutions and, you
know, like, like families and, and outside of that communities and
all of these things that require agreements, right. In order for us
to live peacefully amongst each other. We have to respect those
agreements, which are where we again, have to explore the rights
and responsibilities that we all have towards one another. And we
do have rights as brothers and sisters.
Islam. But what this is about is it's not and and we should
certainly know those rights and we should certainly expect that those
rights are respected and that they're, that they're honored. But
when when you do suffer a disappointment, right, someone
doesn't fulfill their end of the bargain. Instead of, again,
falling
apart or, or just getting so focused on that individual, where
you ended up, it starts to affect your fate. This is where I think
this, this advice become sound, right. Because if you start to,
and I've seen people, unfortunately do this, where they,
they just want to change this individual so much. They want to
force that change, they want them to capitulate, and give and give.
And if they don't do it, this starts to affect their faith,
right, they get so caught up in that, that they end up turning
away from God, that's where the problem is, right? But if you can
realize that that person is wrong, and that 100 out, we have Sharia,
we have laws, we have rules, we have ways of getting rights, but
you don't, don't let them trigger you to the point where you turn
from God because you're just so obsessed with this lack of, you
know, reciprocating your rights, just see them as you know, what
their flood, they have, you know, a problem. May Allah, you know,
guide them and correct them. But I'm not gonna get hung up on that.
What I was describing is where people just can't let go, right?
It's like this person has, you know, changed for whatever reason,
or they're just not giving me my due. And so now I am angry and
resentful. It's affecting me the toxicities, I've let it into my
heart, and I'm bitter with the world. That is where it's very
dangerous. So is that clear? Yeah, I'd have done that. But yeah, I
mean, we should absolutely know our rights and make sure that when
we are in relationships with people, and we do give, you know,
from ourselves, that we're very selective, you know, I think
there's also something to be said about being selective of who you
enter into your, your heart and who you have those expectations of
in the beginning. Because, you know, this is a time where a lot
of people are very trusting. And while it's good to have good
opinions of people, we should also be a little bit you know, on
guard, and not just take people for face value, because there's a
lot of people who have ulterior motives, they don't have good
character, they know how to, you know, ingratiate themselves to
people just because they want something out of them. So I think
having a system or a process by by vetting people from a safe
distance, kind of testing people, making sure that they have good
character and just looking for people who are people of Taqwa.
Because if you if that's your criteria, like I'm going to get
close to people that are God fearing people, and shall you'll
be protected from a lot of the stuff. It's kind of just like, you
know, being too open and just, you know, that's where I think a lot
of people get hurt. So Inshallah, yes. Similar questions. We talked
about parenting and kind of teaching with these. Yes, and this
is
really tricky, because I thought it was interesting, this pattern
about shame.
You know,
I don't know how you instruct a child that is becoming, you know,
more responsible and mature about not letting people down and making
sure they understand what their responsibilities are, without
expressing that you're disappointed. And,
you know, letting them experience the consequences of
things they do against you as parents or against other people.
And it's, it's confusing in today's world, because we're so
isolated, right back just a little teeny bit here. And that's
probably the only adult your kid where he was excellent, right.
Yeah, no, I'm glad you asked that question. Because I want it allows
me to clarify. So what I'm what I meant earlier in terms of
expressing disappointment to children, we can and we should,
but it's more about centering the disappointment, not in just us,
but also extending it to a more important focal point, which is
almost upon about right. Because if it's just about us, right, and
as your children grow, right, research shows, and it's pretty
consistent that the influence of parents over children starts to
wane, right? Around adolescence, the peer group has a larger
impact. So even if we keep telling them we're disappointed with you,
it almost starts to not matter. Because as long as they have
they're in the in crowd with their peer group, and they have
validation from that group. And they feel like they're good.
Getting somewhere with that group you see, then there, they seem to
be okay, you know, in turn, because that becomes more of a
priority, like I need approval from them, I don't need as much
approval from you anymore, right. So this is a danger of making the
parent too much of a focal point. Whereas when you are always
reminding them, right that I was with you, and I was the one who
gave you those friends, and it was the one that gave you this
constantly reminding them that he can take away anything at any
point. And that that's one of the, you know, surefire ways to lose
blessings to disappoint him, right, because that's what he's
given you, your eyesight, he's given you your faculties, he's
giving you your friends, he's giving you all of the luxuries of
life, I didn't give them to you, I'm just a means by which you have
them. But Allah can actually take them away. Right? And you don't
want to disappoint him. So just removing that you see that it
takes a conversation to another level so that when they're
thinking about their actions, and the consequences of their actions,
it's a much heavier, you know, situation now, because it's not
just Oh, um, my parents are unhappy with me, it's like, well,
there could be massive consequences that are beyond my
understanding, right? Because it's not just, you know, what I mean,
from an emotional perspective between me and my parent, there
could be other consequences, my entire life trajectory couldn't be
changed. That's the, you know, awareness that we all need to have
that when we disappoint Allah, and we incur His wrath. We're risking
blessings being removed from us, things being taken from us and
punishment in this world and the next leg trial trials and tests.
Why would we want that so our children need to understand that
too, it's not just an emotional thing, you know, it's much, the
consequences are much more greater. So that's where, again,
show your disappointment, because they should see and feel the
impact of hurting their parents, but also remind them that, you
know, their creator is watching and that, you know, they how, you
know, just think about what a statement of ingratitude it is
right? To do something that would upset your Creator when he's given
you all these blessings and all he asks in return are very, you know,
respectively, I mean, if you compare what almost what it asks
of us, and how much he allows for us to do is very little, you know,
if you calculate the time of our prayers, for example, and the just
the basic and all of it is for our benefit anyway, it's not even,
like, you know, subhanAllah none of it is for him, he doesn't need
it, just for us. So he asks things of us for our own benefit, but it
in terms of time in terms of all of that compared to all the other
things that we're allowed to do like the if you look at the Haram
versus the permissible very few things that are haram many many
things that are permissible so that's edible as generosity so
this is a way of just helping our children come back into a state of
wanting to always be grateful and I to be check myself so that I
don't
as they say wreck myself that's a that's a lyric from a very old rap
song.
Do that any other questions? I think it shot because of the time
we'll we'll stop here and we have a new section two so that's fine.
Any other questions
all right, a second welfare ladies inshallah we will continue you can
always read ahead for future sessions and we'll pick up from
where we left off but what is the name of the book? Sure. The name
of the book is purification of the heart signs, symptoms and cures of
the spiritual diseases of the heart and this book last time I
checked on Amazon there's different sellers and they they
know that it's a it's a desirable book so you're gonna get a lot of
prices but from what I checked sandela.org which is just the word
sandal with an A at the end of it, that's the publication company
they have a better deal. You have to pay Shipman but it's actually
much better deal but you can
we can have a nice
nice
oh, good to know. And I think I'm here Rumi bookstore which is the
bookstore in Fremont it's an Islamic bookstore they have they
should have copies too but just call them because this book
mashallah it gets printed a lot Oh, it's yeah languages all over
the world so 100 pages I can look at it oh god an ending.
similar manner him well acid in in in Santa Fe Casa el Levina. M and
environmental Swati Hattie with us. We'll be happy. Whatever. So
the suburbs of panicle movie emulation. Illa antenna
stockbroker wanted to relate alongside it was thermobaric Allah
say that I will know that I want to be when I'm Henneman sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam while it was happening sort of this human good
era Subhanallah because I realized that the amazing one was Ramadan,
and we're studying on hamdulillahi rabbil aalameen
Oh hello and thank you so much ladies and Chavela protect all of
you I hope you have a wonderful holiday break next week from work
and shortline it to spend some time with your families