Hosai Mojaddidi – Emotional Intelligence in Islam A Modern Framework in a Prophetic Context
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First and foremost, this topic of emotional intelligence. Again, we
may have heard this term, but I do think it's important to define it.
So let's give a little bit of history. First, back in 1990,
there were two psychologists named John Mayer and Peter Salovey. And
they introduced the term emotional intelligence into the community
and to the cycling community of mental health. And so this
challenge the way we, we understood intelligence, right,
this concept of what is this other form of intelligence prior to
that, it had always been measured through IQ, right. And so, Daniel
Goleman, comes along a few years later sees their work and is like,
this is pretty powerful stuff. He writes about it, and he writes
this book. So he's considered the pioneer of this whole concept. And
he writes this book called Emotional Intelligence, why it can
matter more than IQ, it instantly becomes a New York Times
bestseller, 5 million copies sold printed in 40 languages. So it's a
pretty big deal. Because, again, it's revolutionary, according to
these, these people in the field. Now, what exactly is it, it refers
to the ability to first identify and manage one's own emotions, as
well as the emotions of others. So it's a pretty simplistic
definition, and there's a lot more to it. But it is important to
understand why this is so relevant for us as Muslims. And I'll get to
that in a moment. But this idea that emotions actually precede
thoughts, right? It's something we should know. Because it does
explain why sometimes we don't think rationally through things
because we're in heightened states of emotions, and those things take
over us. And so our rational mind takes a backseat. And that's why
it is so critical to have this ability to regulate your emotions,
because a lot of horrible things happen when people do not regulate
their emotions or, or can't regulate the emotions of other
people, right. And we have clearly seen many examples of that even
through this past year and a half right? People becoming almost
unhinged, right at the beginning of COVID, you remember what
happened when when we would go to Costco or some other store to get
basic supplies, and it's all running out, because people are
just out of control? Almost right? Fear, right? fear sets in. And so
we're seeing a lot of that, unfortunately, unfold in different
ways. But this idea of how can I control myself? And how can I be
useful when controlling other people's emotions is something
again, very, very central to our faith. And so we want to explore
that today. Now, just a little bit more context here. The skills that
you acquire being emotionally intelligent, this acronym is
pretty helpful. So remember it, first you become emotionally
aware, right? So this is again, the ability to name and identify
emotions, then you can regulate so that a are right, the ability to
harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking
problem solving, this can apply it in your personal lives at home,
when a problem arises. in a professional setting, in a in a
community setting like this one, how do you respond right and then
managing, so the ability to manage emotions so that arm pay is what
you want to think about when you think of emotional intelligence?
So am I is my are my arms strong? Right? Do I have strong arms?
Right? Can I? Am I aware? Can I regulate and can I manage. And so
just remember that. And then this is also important because it again
ties into the whole talk. When I learned about Daniel Bowman's work
and started looking more into what the community was, was responding
to how they responded to his work. This quote really caught my eye, a
revolutionary, paradigm shattering idea. That's a pretty powerful
quote, to get to anything, right? This is the Harvard Business
Review. That's a pretty solid review, right? And then they also
heavily encourage people to read Daniel Bowman's work called What
makes a leader. So they're letting us know that this concept of
emotional intelligence is quite, you know, again, paradigm
shattering, it's so revolutionary, and it indicates the qualities of
strong leadership. So you can see where we're going with this right?
The fact that again, people not that long ago, relatively
speaking, were so impressed by this idea of being emotionally
intelligent, and identifying that these are core qualities of
leadership was something that I just became aware of, and then so
this is a question we have to ask right? If this framework is
considered so revolutionary, so paradigm shattering, then, right,
it has to be used when it's useful to identify the qualities of an
effective leader, then it must have some merit for us right as
Muslims, right, we should explore this concept and the answer is
absolutely yes. And so
this hadith I actually just learned that this hadith very
recently when she comes up pointed this hadith out
To me, we were talking about emotional intelligence and how,
you know, this was so paradigm shattering. I was sharing this
stuff with him. And he said, this is, you know, this is the Broncos
license teachings. And he actually already spoke about how emotional
intelligence is more important than any other form of
intelligence in this hadith. So I looked it up and I just was
mesmerized. Right? Right. So Pamela, here we go. And
absolutely, utterly abandoned. And it didn't want to do either nests,
right? The basis of reasoning. So intelligence, He's tying
intelligence with what after the faith in Allah like that's, you
know, you're an intelligent person, if you believe it almost
product. And after that, how is your intelligence measured in
loving kindness towards people, you cannot be an you can't have
pride yourself on intelligence, if you are devoid of this is what
he's saying, right? If you want to be measured as an intelligent
person of often, you first believe in almost part of that, and then
you know, how to basically be with other people in that prophetic,
beautiful way. 1400 plus years ago, he's telling us, this is
emotional intelligence matters, right? And here, fast forward, how
many centuries later paradigm, you know, has shattered, right? It's
just amazing. So power. So why, you know, I decided to explore
this topic further. Because as I was reading the qualities of
emotional intelligence, it literally was like this is they're
describing our profits. Every single quality, they are
describing him, he has taught us this, it's in our game, it's in
the promenade, it's in the theater, you can find example,
after example, we need to start teaching or youth this because
let's be frank, we live in a time, where unfortunately, this is just
the time that we live in. A lot of our community members are more
impressed by modern frameworks, right? They find this stuff
dazzling, and they'll eat it up. Whereas if you were to teach them
a course, on the Sierra, and let's look at the bullseye sometimes,
you know, eautiful virtues,
but this will get them. So this is why I feel that it's incredibly
useful to learn this, as much brother has been mentioned, right?
This is useful for us in every relationship, if you're married,
it will be absolutely useful for you in your marriage. If you have
children, if you're again, in a you're taking care of your
elderly, parents, whoever, whatever relationships you have,
if you can master this concept of emotional intelligence, you will
become essentially a better person, a better human being
that's able to cope with a lot of what life presents you. And so
what I appreciated too about it is the structure it offers you the
very first quality of emotional intelligence is self awareness.
So let's look at what that means. Okay, and there's quite a few
different ways we can look. But the first thing that came to mind
when I heard this definition of what self awareness is, right, the
realization of oneself, as an individual entity, or personality
is the popular Maxim. And it's not an auto phonetic symbol.
Right? It's in the transliteration. It's up here, so
anybody can read it. Which means what the one who knows him or
herself knows their worth. So this is a maxim, it's oftentimes was
quoted as a hadith. It's not according to many scholars, it's
not a penny. And it's just a quote that many of our alumni have, you
know, used to emphasize the importance of becoming self aware,
right? And then when we look at the prophesy systems life itself,
he can you just looking at his life, even before prophecy, right?
How more self aware for the person be, than to remove himself from
his community, go to the cave, right here. Why was he going
there? What was he doing there, he did not want to be a part of the
toxic elements of his society, he couldn't handle it, it was too
much for him. So he, he knew what he needed. He needed that retreat.
This is before prophecy. So he paid attention to what was going
on within him. And he listened to that and he honored it. And he, he
was able to self soothe in his own way. So his self awareness was
immense. And of course, throughout his life, you find example after
example of that, here's this hadith. And remember, in order to
be self aware, you have to start with that pursuit of knowledge,
right? You can't just all of a sudden wake up and suddenly think
that you'll you'll understand everything you have to explore.
You have to ask questions, like the way that the Quran asks us to
write even in the Quran almost kind of asks us those questions,
so that we are self reflective. One of my favorite verses is find
at the Tribune, right? Think about that Allah
Suppose asking us to ask ourselves where are you going? Right? When
do you even know how did you and then that should make you ask
where did I come from? Because that you just that thought process
gets you exploring. So knowledge is the you know is what is the
principle to this you have to be in pursuit of knowledge. And in
this many of the books listen to us, but people knowledge only
comes by learning and understanding only comes by
seeking understanding. So, NIA intentionality, all of these words
that we may have heard, this is how we begin the pursuit of
becoming more self aware, for whomever Allah subhanaw that
attends good he gives him or her understanding of the religion
barely only those with knowledge, here alone his servants, so, self
awareness is, is, is built upon this pursuit of knowledge, right.
And in the process, and of course, tells us when the Melbourne is to
Medina, right, I was sent as a teacher. So he is, of course,
teaching us this knowledge, and he is relaying it to us, but all of
the art self discovery starts in this pursuit, right, then knowing
your value. This is also one of my favorite Hadith, right, the
roleplay setting was witnessed by the Sahaba, in the Haram, and he's
walking around looking at the kava, and he says, how pure you
are, how pure is your fragrance, how great you are, and how great
is your sanctity? By the one in his hand is the soul of Muhammad,
the sanctity of the believer is greater to Allah than your
sanctity, in his wealth is life into assume nothing of him, good,
such an affirming Hadith, this we should all internalize that our
souls, our being our existence, when we believe in Allah subhanaw,
that when we follow His commands, is more sacred, more sanctified
than the cabinet itself. And how many of us see the cabin, we're
like, just imagining the cabin, right? And so bring that back to
yourself to know, you were built with value almost to kind of give
each and every one of us value by the mere fact that we are in
existence. All of this is the beginning part of this process of
becoming so self aware, then, you know, we go into knowing more
depth, right, you have to know the foundations of your faith. If you
don't know your up EDA, like, what does it what is the creative?
Awesome? What do Muslims believe, right? We know the six articles,
but we have to penetrate deeper what is who is our Creator? Who is
Allah subhanaw taala. Because in the absence of not true knowledge,
then you will be affected by people's view of God, right. And
there's a lot of messages that people have a lot of new age
concepts, a lot of things that are floating around in online and
social circles and media and songs about who God is, you know, and so
a lot Muslims, when they don't know their opee, that they don't
know the attributes of Allah, they start to assume things about our
subtitle data, and then that affects their understanding of the
world. Why did God make this and that and they start questioning
who? Who are we to question the Creator? He is, this is all his,
this is entirely his. And just, it's amazing how this double
standard human beings have, because this is my property. And
if someone tells me what to do with it, I take great offense,
right? You shouldn't put your phone here, you shouldn't put it
in this case. Why do you dress this way? Why did you have to
dress out? When we are questions in our personhood and our material
possessions, we take great offense. Even for the parents in
the room, if someone sees how you are as a parent, and corrects your
parenting style, how offended do you become? Right? You've got to
watch out, because most people don't take well to being corrected
that way. Right? So we have a lot of double standards as human
beings because we think, take great offense, but then somehow we
turn around and we asked her why. Why why are you allowing COVID to
spread? Why did this person have to die? Why didn't stop for a
long? We are nobody to question our Creator, his decree we
accepted. And that's where it is right? But if you don't know that,
and you don't have that education, that unfortunately, you're gonna
be affected by all the negative messages that are everywhere else.
So you have to know your creed, then you have to know what your
responsibilities are to Allah. What is what is he expecting you?
Why did He create you? What for? Just so you can eat and drink and,
you know, go on YouTube and watch random videos all day. That's why
He created you know, he created you to worship and that is
literally the only point of your existence is to worship Allah
pata. Everything else is from his father from his generosity from
his grandmother. He gives us relationships and beautiful people
are like he gives us delicious food. Right? Think of all that the
drinks that we eat and clothing, all the beautiful adornments of
this life are just added. But the purpose of our existence is of
course to worship. We have to know that then you have to know your
temperament
All of us are different. There are people here who are what we would
refer to as introverted temperaments, right. They're not
the type of people that like loud noises You know, I'm sure a few
minutes ago when it got rowdy, all the introverts are like, the
parents,
their kids under control, right? The extroverts might not be
affected that much because extroverts like sounds, they like
lights they like, you know, they get excited. They're excitable by
stimuli. This you should know about yourself, because I'll tell
you, they can absolutely affect the way you are with other people,
especially if you're a parent. I once did a whole talk on
temperaments. And afterwards this mother came to me, she said, Oh,
my God, she was crying. She said, I wish I learned this, I never
knew this difference. And I had two sons, one was extroverted. Now
she got the language, the other was introverted. And I spent my
whole let their whole life measuring one against the other.
Because in this society, extroverted people are celebrated,
right? extroverted people are hailed as the example Oh, they're
so outgoing themselves. They do speak, they can go do this thing.
Go do that. So all the introverts,
I guess, I'm nothing, I have no good qualities. And you start to
feel depressed and download stuff a lot. When you study these and
you study temperament. And you study that the roles I said, he
was the most perfectly balanced of all human beings. And he had all
four temperaments. When you study the theory of temperaments, it
gives you definitions, it gives you meanings, and that he was in
perfect balance. And our goal should be like him, not, you know,
this celebrity or this famous person, forget that we don't
measure ourselves to people around us, we measure ourselves to Him.
So He just by again, knowing that science, it can be very affirming.
So you know that you know other things, too, that are helpful love
languages, right? This is self awareness. Every single person in
this room should know what your love languages. And if you don't
know what that even means, I have something to help you. So
the five love languages, okay, this is Gary Chapman, he wrote on
what how people give and receive love. Everybody's different. And I
can't tell you how many couples, this is usually the root problem
of why so much miscommunication, because one is loving a certain
way and receiving a certain way, the other is a different way. And
they're just it's like, you know, trying to get a PC to communicate
with a Mac, and there's just IOs are different and there's nothing
right happening. But once you start to get well read and love
languages, it starts making sense. For example, if your love language
is the first one, which is words of affirmation, you like
compliments, you need someone to acknowledge you when you do
something for them, like Thank you. May Allah bless you make the
offer you just show you with words. Okay? What and even beyond
that maybe you'd like to receive cards on your birthday or love
letters. If you're married, and your spouse is thinking of you, it
makes a big difference, right? Text messages, emails, that is
your love language, tell your spouse, I need you to compliment
me to make me feel better about myself. If your love language is
not that but acts of service matter, maybe you're juggling, you
are doing so much work full time. But taking care of this or taking
care of that. And you just need help. You need someone to come and
say I got this, you don't worry about this, then your love
language is acts of service gifts, maybe you like to receive and give
gifts and you feel so loved when someone goes out of their way to
buy you something or make you something it doesn't even have to
be something a purchase, right? So you have to know what your love
language is quality time, if you don't even need any of those
things. You just want someone to sit right next to you. I don't
people like this. In fact, I told my husband, I think this is his
love language because he could be zoned out, you know, reading doing
his own thing. But as long as I'm in the periphery, and he can see
me, that's good enough. That you know, we don't have to have too
many interactions. But he likes that, that I'm there. I'm not out
somewhere else. So some for some people, this could be their love
language. And then the last one is physical touch. So if you're
affectionate, if you do feel more bonded into your children, to your
spouse, to European, the people in your life, your siblings with
this, that's your love language. So communicate that but first
become self aware. Because if you're not, it can really hinder
your relationships. And I've seen this play out. But this is just
one tiny piece of the puzzle of every single one of us. So we can
see how long this topic of self awareness can go. And you can keep
going. And so this is from Super shoves, right? Also kind of data
tells us what if some woman so were for Alabama hat for Georgia,
how it applies
to humans. What kind of harder than this? What is this? This is
putting the onus back on us, right? That we have to become self
aware. You have to start paying attention to yourself and seeing
what you're taking in what you're consuming, whether it's good for
you whether it's not right. If you're purifying yourself, you're
working on yourself, that's also part of really having an accurate
image of who you are. And so this is essential again to to, to your
your spiritual health or social well being is to
I have this type of awareness, right? And the onus is on us who
he who has, who has, he has failed, who instills it with
corruption, what's it soul? If you're, if you're putting in all
that evil, then you're going to be held accountable. No, that no, you
know, take accountability. So that's just the first quality of
emotional intelligence. And there's so much more to talk
about, but, you know, strengths, weaknesses, talents, potential,
and then all those other things that you know, in terms of
emotions needs, there's a lot when we talk about self awareness. So
that's the first topic, then we get into self regulation. Again, I
want you to connect the dots with how much is the central to our
beings, because we covered all those things that are foundational
principles of our game, know yourself know all those things.
Now we move into control yourself, right? Big part of our game, is
this get the nuts, right, which is the ability to purify our soul, we
just read the verse, right? And how do we do this, we look at the
diseases of the heart, the spiritual diseases, the diseases
of the tongue, and we start to regulate, we start to literally
control ourselves. This is why fasting is also essential. Fasting
isn't just about food and water. We know this, we've heard many
pleasant lectures on this topic. But it all puts it all back in
this, you know, umbrella term of regulation, I was trying to expect
us to work on control, we're supposed to practice abstinence of
in many different ways and forms so that we can control those, you
know, those things, those impulses, that if we don't control
them, they can be weaponized very easily, right. So if we're not,
you know, controlling our food intake, we're not controlling the
words that we say nowadays, a huge problem for the youth in this
room, pay attention to it, because it's very normalized, is cursing
as if it's no big deal, right? You see all these people dropping F
bombs and saying horrible words. This is now their language, it's
just the way they speak. Because they cannot control themselves.
They know they've lost comportment, they lost other
etiquette of being in public spaces. Usually, you know, if you
had, for example, someone call you on the phone, and there was a
maybe some tension, people would get up and go to a private place,
you see that happening anymore, right? In the restaurant, on the
bus, wherever you are in public, they're now fighting
care that you're there to listen to them. Because the whole, you
know, social, I get that it gets out the door. But it's there's no
control. And then, you know, there's so many other iterations
of that. That's just the language. But what about the food that
people eat? And the other behaviors that they're doing? A
lot of it is indicative of what the total loss of control in their
body and their actions? In other words, right, and here we are
called constantly, how to be what is the process of planning? What
are we all as parents and teachers as educators, community members,
so focused on raising our children, right, with 30? What is
30? It's to instill in them these values of, you know, control
yourself, regulate yourself, right. And so we have this concept
which I had enough's struggle, and it is a lifelong until we take our
last breath. We are in a struggle against ourselves. And it's really
important to get that because, you know, if I ask you now, for
example, what is the greatest enemy of the human being? What's
the answer?
shaytaan I heard shake on what is the greatest enemy of the human
being? Your naps? Right? We have to have that clear. Is the
shaytaan is I don't know be is clear, right? But the greatest
enemy, according to our scholars, is the knifes it's that voice
within you. So if you externalize your threats, this is now a huge
blind spot you have, right?
You're too trusting of yourself. And so you think, and how many
times has this happened to you? The hook comes in, you're reminded
to pray, or pray in a few minutes. Right?
You trusted who?
yourself
and yourself is the knifes is lazy, it's indulgent. It doesn't
want to do anything that requires work. So it's going to come and
distract you and say,
you know, later, later later. So that's why procrastination is a
sign of what a enough set that has been, that's under attack. So we
should know these things because we don't have enough is a like I
said, a lifelong problem. All of this falls under this umbrella
term of self regulation. So much of our being the brockless and
direct teachings. When he when he teaches us about emotional
regulation specifically, love, love, love, right when the man
came to the process and asked him, he said to him, do not become
angry. Now, let's unpack that because sometimes there's a
confusion here. Anger is of human emotion. We all feel angry for
different reasons. But there are certain reasons where it's
justified. We shouldn't be angry for the sake of almost kind of
data, what the process of them is saying really, in that hadith is
do not become anger, right? Don't let anger lord over you take over
you, where you lose yourself, and you're not even visible anymore.
So when he saw them, and he became very angry, he said that he looked
like he was red in the face, he looked like a shaken and that's
what happens when people lose their cool, they say, right, and
then that can lead to so many other horrible things. crimes of
passion, are from a person usually who has no control, but based on
some heightened emotional state, they lose it and then got, you
know, they do terrible things. So that's one direct command. And
then the other one is not I don't know what I did wrong, which is do
not harm right and do not reciprocate harm. So don't be a
person who is out there harming people, whether it's your words,
your actions, your intentions, be a good person that puts good
energy out there. And don't ever let your enough's justify harming
for the sake of your you know, out of spite, people are very
vindictive, and very vengeful, very spiteful, and they don't see
that that's a total lack of control, and a lack of in a
weakness in faith. Because if an injustice happens to you, you have
to go back to your Arpita. Right? And know that no injustice is are
lost in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala. And all debts will
be collected with God at some point. So I don't need to take
matters into my own hands and go and exact my own justice and try
to get you know, my, my, you know, what do they call it just
desserts, as they say, I don't need to do that, because a lot of
how that has full knowledge, and whether I'm in the right or the
other persons or the right or whatever the case may be, and his
coordinate will be squared away. So I let go of the need to go and
retaliate. But this is not taught in this culture and society. You
see a lot of, you know, terrible things that people do out of
relationships, divorces, I mean, I have family who are attorney and
they say the ugliest sides of a human being comes out in a
divorce, like you will see evil beyond your wildest imagination,
total lack of control, right and a very weak faith. When you think
that you need to punish someone for what they did to leave them to
a muscle turnover, trust me, you will never do yourself justice by
taking justice into your own hands, because his justice will
always be superior. Right? So just be aware of that. So all of these
are teachings that were taught in terms of self regulation,
motivation, our entire again, existence is right here in chapter
15, verse 56, and I did not create the gene mankind except abortion,
right? Well, my political agenda will insert into the afternoon.
That's it, no other reason for us. And then beyond that, we are
motivated with what messages of this beautiful I mean, no matter
where I'm at the deficit is one of I mean, it's very, one of the
first 100 People learn. But this is central to our belief, because
it really should be something we teach our children even for
ourselves just to constantly judge our actions, not on the outcome,
because it's never really going to be good enough, will always be
short, somewhere, right? We're distracted our intentions. Maybe
this or that. I mean, our thoughts, maybe this is that burn
tensions, if they're pure, we should take a great solid sentence
that almost kind of is judging our intentions, right? And that's what
matters the most. And then looking at how the process of them, I
mean, there's nobody in any other faith tradition or historical
figure that there isn't in recorded history with as much
detail about their life as a roleplay setup. We know everything
he did, right. And this was witnessed by countless people that
you know, these are confirmed things and he woke up and he
hadn't routines. So this is where a humbler we should be so
grateful. If you've ever had a negative thought about your
prayers make Toba because your prayers are an incredible gift
that align you with a sense of purpose. So I'm not in you know,
I'm not a mental health expert, by any means. I'm an advocate. But I
can tell you for many of the people I've spoken to, one of the
crises of our time is that there's a lot of people who don't have a
sense of purpose. They're walking around, aimless, because nobody
told them, they're important. Nobody give them any value. You
have a lot of, you know, nihilism, a lot of just cynicism, a lot of
atheism, that is everywhere. And so what it is, is it's the
byproduct is a whole generation of people who think that they don't
have any value whatsoever in their life. And here Subhan Allah, Allah
subhanaw taala gave us not only value by telling us why He created
us, but every minute of our day he said to measure it and to put
value in it to be
mindful of him, right to do constant remembrance of Allah. And
then he spread out these prayers so that we can do it without
really much. If you think about it, it's so simplified for us.
Because had he told us to do five prayers. And they weren't spread
out. Because of our own nature. We're, we're such we're our own
worst enemies. Guaranteed, some of us would have this mindset of
like, okay, let me get them all done in the beginning of the day,
so that I can just go have the rest of the day to do whatever I
want to do. Right? That would be the necessary response. I'll just
get the duty out of the way so that I can like homework, right?
How many kids? I have kids? Yeah, I'm a teacher. There are some kids
that are like that. I mean, just get it all done really fast. So
they can go play for the rest of the day. That's our nature. But he
knows that that would harm us tremendously. Because we would be
more open to cynic, we would be more forgetful, we would thought
that we would harm ourselves and maybe harm other people. So we
spread those Vipers out so that we protect ourselves from ourselves.
So be grateful for that and be grateful for the schedule of a
believer because we shouldn't be scheduled people. And that's why
looking at the pros, I said of every point of his day, he had a
dog every point of his day, he has something to remind us of almost
all of that is to motivate us to get us to be self motivated
individuals. So they're not we're not walking around, aimless,
right. And then in addition to that, I love I mean, these are
such powerful, how do you push it take solace in the process and I'm
saying Whoever comes to his carpet, intending to stand for
prayer at night, yet his eyes are overcome with sleep until morning.
His intention is recorded for him. And his sleep is charity for him
with his Lord Almighty. Allahu Akbar, how generous is our Lord,
just from the NIA. So make me up every night that you wake up for
the hodzic Make it your love, please wake me up. Because guess
what, just by having that intention, even if you don't, and
you're so exhausted, because you didn't, you know, whatever the
case may be Subhanallah He rewards you with the reward of doing this
is our Lord. And then if a servant falls, ill or travels, the likes
of what he used to do when he was settled and healthy will be
recorded for him. Again, a lot of work. But that's I mean, this is
all to keep us motivated that your mood is generous. Don't let you
know don't fall into despair. Don't start to you don't measure
yourself with impossible standards. Just do your best and
know that intentions matter. Right. And then this last one
against such a beautiful Hadith. Brahms I said and
this was recorded by the Taliban said he said the rules I sent him
sent us on an expedition in the morning we attacked as were a part
of Junaid Johanna, I can't hold of a man and he said there is no God
but Allah but I stopped him. So this is in the middle of battle,
right? He's stabbed this guy. Then it occurred to me that I should
mention that to the process of now he's guilty conscience, right? So
the brothers have said, Do this man that you killed actually say
that there is no god but a lot. And then you killed him. And he
said, O Messenger of Allah. He only said it fearing the weapon.
Like he said it just because I have this weapon over him. That's
why he said, and look at the beautiful answer the booklets and
tells him did you tear open his heart to know if he meant it or
not? Right. So this is a good reminder for all of us not to
assume anyone else's intentions, because the outward reality
doesn't always match the inner work, right? So it's humbling. And
it's to check us right work on having pure intentions be
motivated, and don't fall into this habit of looking at other
people presuming anything about anybody because you don't know,
you don't know what's in their hearts. That's for Allah subhanaw
taala all of this are, these are powerful reminders to keep us
again, in a third quality of motivation, then we get into
empathy, fourth out of five. So two more the entire life of the
probes I send you will find so many beautiful examples of his
empathy towards the creation almost
right here. I mean, one of the most again, foundational hadith is
that you will not have a competitor you have who they are
thinking am I right? You have not completed right you will not
complete perfectly the perfection of your faith until you love for
your brother or sister what you love for yourself. So that right
there to emphasize to that degree that you even want them to have,
you know, more than better than you right or the same as you at
least. And then we move into actual examples, right? The
promise I sent him when he would do Jamaat prayer. We know this if
he heard a child crying or wailing. He would shorten his
prayer. And the beauty of this hadith is it wasn't just for the
Rama towards the child. It was for the mother. Because mothers know,
right? It's very hard when our children are crying. We want so
desperately to break the prayer to attend to them. We're worried
about
or if they run off, God forbid, it's panic sets in, right? So out
of His mercy, He is teaching all of us to empathize with the
experience of another person to not be so self involved, because
you love your own draw that you're going to do so, right when a child
is crying, don't do that. shorten the prayer, be mindful, pay
attention to your congregants. Right. And then what else? This is
also a powerful example of a gentleman, you know, he was killed
in brother, so his son is gonna want you to speak to the prophesy
Saddam. And when the Sahaba you know, we're kind of reading this
out, because a Senator Warren, that you said, listen, his father
just got killed do not refer to him as the son of Abuja, they
don't refer to his father, as Abuja who have empathy, because
his father just died, even though this is a great enemy. And he did
so much against the Muslims against the Prophet setup, but
even towards him, and his son and me showing empathy. So we how do
we receive people that we don't like, right? There's within
family. I mean, this is an extreme case. But there's people who will
lack basic empathy with someone they just don't like, even in
their family. So these are reminders for us, you know, is it
this to this degree, that you don't like someone, it's not ever.
So practice empathy, follow the process and example. And then you
forbade us talking secretly, right? If I speak a language that
someone else needs, and someone is around us, we don't speak in that
language. That's it.
Or, you know, just like, Come a little closer and you alienate
someone else. If there's multiple people that's different. Now
you're, you know, this is a private conversation between two
people, you're okay with that? We're speaking about specifically
in numbers of a three or what have you don't do that, because it's
going to hurt the other person, even if you're not speaking about
them at all. It doesn't matter. All of this is to teach us No. And
then here, a man came to the province I sent him and he said,
I've come to make to make you a pledge that will do hinge,
although I've left my parents in tears, right? So he wanted to call
the prophesy center, while his parents were in this state, and
what did the prophesy sort of tell him, go back to them, right, and
make them laugh as you made them cry. So he did not even though he
wanted to make pitcher with the rocks, I said, he's teaching him
empathize with your parents don't just, you know, abandon them,
neglect them.
prioritize them. So countless other examples. But this is the
fourth quality of emotional intelligence. So if you don't have
empathy, you have to really think about this, like I need to start
increasing my empathy. Because this is a quality of the process.
And it's a hallmark quality, if you I mean, he empathize with the
palm tree, he empathize with animals with the bird with the
camel, so many countless examples. The woman came to him, right there
was a woman who was known to have mental health issues. And he was
sitting in his gym and she came in interrupted that circle. And he
received her so beautifully. She was kind of in a hysterical
moment, you know, broke his, he's having a gathering. And she said,
I need to speak to you. And how did you receive her so
beautifully? You pick any street in Medina, and I will come and sit
the honor of her so that she doesn't feel bad, or you know,
nobody else can say anything to her. And then he sat with her and
she basically unburdened whatever was in her heart.
That is our perfect civilized, empathizing, always with people,
the poor, and how many poor do I mean, there's just so many
examples. So when we see a deficiency of these qualities in
ourselves, we have to go back to the drawing board and say, I need
to work on this, I can't just be like, Oh, this is who I am. No, it
should bother you. That's the agenda than knifes that it's not
good enough, unless it's like, or at least trying to be like, the
goals I set up. And until I'm there, I'm not going to accept it.
That's what the struggle is, right. And then we get into the
last quality of emotional intelligence, which, which is
social skills. And this is also critical. Now a lot of us because
of COVID. This may have dipped, right? Or we're not seeing each
other. So it's a little bit awkward, you know, even now, I
mean, I'm the only one who's showing her face. It's kind of
weird, right? But
but this is, you know, we have to really revisit our social skills
here because we're seeing through the roof in COVID. And even prior
to that, but especially in COVID Social Anxiety has gone up a lot
and a lot of people are just feeling so there's just so much
trepidation, so much fear and there's just a lot of anxiety and
so have been allowed to go back to our D and we remember just
recalibrate but what what is my responsibility as a Muslim to my
fellow believers, my fellow brothers and sisters and faith and
myself
all brothers and sisters in humanity, how should I engage with
them? How should I connect with them? Right? And so here are some
how that force clears it all up in sort of a budget verse 13
womankind, indeed be a preview for male and female and major peoples
and tribes that you may know one another. So we should be open. So
when we see each other, you know, we have to open conversations, at
least the Senate, you know, do the actual cinema vehicle, we spread
the peace smile. Now with the mask, it's hard unless you get
those masks that have, you know, a big smile on your face. Those are
fighting for your own people who make their own faces, that's like,
oh, I don't know, if you've seen those or actually seen those.
They're kind of scary, actually.
But, um, you know, but smiling, it's essential. So if you're not a
smiley person, work on it, do better.
Now, you have to, because it's a sundown proposal. So he smiled,
even when he was heartbroken, he would push beyond that, because he
wanted to welcome people and make them feel good and make them feel
special. Why? Because he preferred other people over himself. So if
you're having a bad day at work, you're just not feeling good
thinking. And I'm doing it because the idea you get by forcing that
smile, you we have no way of measuring it, but it's far greater
than being you know, like pouty and negative energy or just rude
and me. So we have to do better in terms of our energy towards the
right. And then here the process is now getting very specific the
Muslims, a brother to another Muslim or sister, he does not
wrong him nor surrender him. Whoever fulfills the needs of his
brother, Allah will feel his needs. Whoever relieves them also
from distress, a law will relieve stress on the Day of Resurrection,
and covering false so important. People don't do this anymore.
They're quick to unveil everybody. Now with canceled culture. It's
like, you know, no big deal. Oh, did you hear about so and so Oh,
no, what happened? And stuff. Like the grapevine is so active because
people are busy bodies, we've lost, you know, sense of what's
important. And we just want to spread doesn't cover the faults of
people, this is part of a right that we have unlimited. So if you
see someone you know, out and about doing something that you
consider a little shady, don't come and pick up the phone, oh, my
god, guess what? Guess why. So getting into
stuff a lot, we should just be like, I didn't see it. Leave them
to Allah, and ask her what's avail you because guess what, there may
be a time in your life where you're doing something or in
somehow you're unveiled, and you beg Allah to be like, please don't
let anybody notice. You know, I'm so ashamed of myself. So don't be
that type of person that's quick to unveil people. This is all part
of our developing those interpersonal skills and social
skills that we need. And then do not hate each other. I mean, now,
it's like somehow the fact that it's I mean, I don't know, I just
feel sometimes shame on us that we have to have such very specific,
you know,
things just laid out for us don't hate each other. Because he knows
that we can be filled with these emotions, when we don't have what
self regulation, we're not working on the Skia. And so we allow our
emotions to get the best out of us. And now you see people saying
to each other, I hate you. You know, stuff all in one household,
you'll see people saying this to each other spouses, say to each
other children saying it to parents, parents saying it to
children. It's just a mess, right? The word hate is very strong. I
taught my kids very early, don't say hey, for anybody but who? Who
can you stand for?
Shaped on. That's someone who deserves your hatred, right? But
to say I hate this, and I hate that. It's charged words, we
should be better at the language that we teach our children and
what we accept for ourselves. So don't use that word so quickly,
right? Don't leave each other don't envy each other because it
has said there's another problem with social media. Now, most of
the people who are on it, or they're just inviting cassette
into their heart, they're not there to, you know, champion a
cause or spread good words. You know, they're not there for that.
They want to see who's doing what, where, who's wearing, what, how.
They're just there to, you know, spy to cry. And then what does
that do to the heart? It just invites all this, Tessa, why does
she get that? And why did he get that? Ooh, I wish I had that
stuff. From what I hear it all the time. Like, literally, I hear this
from people. One sister once reached out to me, she's like, I
don't know what to do.
My sister in law has a social media presence. And every time I
see her stuff, I just feel so much hassle. And my answer was, why do
you watch her social media? Like don't watch her social media? What
are you doing? If you know that your husband for her? Why are you
allowing that right? But we have to be reminded don't do that.
Right. And then if you have a dispute, I mean, we're human
beings, things happen. Three days. That's your limit.
work it out. So that is the role system directly telling you work
on your skills, regulate your emotions, do what you need to do
in the three days, do not pass that limit. Right? All of these
are to help us help ourselves. Because if we don't have this type
of instruction, then what our greatest enemy or knifes will take
over, and we justify, we justify all of our behavior only deserve
it, she shouldn't have done that she shouldn't have that he
shouldn't have done this. And we allow the worst of our nature to
come forward, when the message that we're always told is, this is
dunya. This is done with Tila, this is a place it's a low place,
don't sink in it rise above, right? Rise above it. This isn't
our final abode. This is an ephemeral world, it's fleeting, we
have, we're going to a better place and shallow after all, this
is said and done. Don't sink with the dunya. So rise above be a
greater person be the greater person, right. And then here are
these are the last two reminders that we should really, really
again, think about when it comes to our own behavior. The believer
who mixes with the people and endures their harm,
has a greater reward than one who does not mix with people nor
indoors or harm. Why is this relevant? Because as I mentioned
earlier, you're going to be people in your life, you'd have no
choice. They're your family, you're married into them, maybe
their in laws, maybe they're your cousins, maybe there's someone in
your family, you have to deal with them, you cannot run away from
them. If you take the modern idea about these things, which is like
I don't have time for that, and I'm canceling people, and I'm
cutting people off, and I'll never go to their house again. You know,
good for you. Maybe you're proud of yourself with that. But look at
this hadith. This is not saying By the way, we want to clarify that
to be a target for abuse, okay, we draw the line and abuse. But if
someone an elder, for example, is just a little nitpicky, maybe
they're not very nice. Maybe they're flat out sometimes rude or
someone in your family, not necessarily how sometimes youth
can be the same. But you for the sake of also combat for the sake
of keeping your spouse happy for the sake of keeping the family
bond happy, right? you subject yourself to being enduring them,
okay, fine, let's just go to their home. I don't want to be here,
right. But I'm gonna be here because the family bond is
important. And I don't want to be a person who causes fitna, then
remember, you're going to be rewarded for that. Just you
sitting there and enjoying there. Sometimes you have family to tell
you the same story like 100 times, you know? And if you're internally
going, Oh, no, here we go again. But you're still sitting there?
Yeah.
Oh, you know, and you're doing a whole act,
you get immense reward for that, because you don't have to, you can
be rude and be like, I could go, I don't have time for this, or you
already told me to do that, which you're not gonna add to this other
database together. So take up you no pleasure in the fact that
almost Brian is witnessing you fighting your knifes, for his
sake, we'll just do it. Okay. And then the prompts I set up. This is
also for anybody who feels like people walk all over you. And take
advantage of your niceness, there's a lot of very good people
who are like, you know, feeling just like oppressed, you know, in
their situations. And they may very well be oppressed. But this
is also an incredibly powerful reminder, where he tells us
whoever is kind, affable and easygoing, than what the fire is
forbidden for from touching you. So just be like how to do that.
I'm not that angry, mean person always give me an easygoing
temperament. If that's what it takes to be away from the fire, I
will accept it right.
And just again, find solace in that. And so you know, these are
all again, there's so many reminders, but somebody loves
this, this framework of emotional intelligence, I highly encourage
all of us to look into it more and to really structure our
understanding of our practice as Muslims, according to it, because
it does make things makes easy. It makes things easy, and it makes
sense, right? Because each one builds upon the other. If I am a
self aware person, I know my purpose, I know who Allah is, I
know all those things, then I can control my behavior, right?
Because I have, you know, a clarity about my own nature,
right? I can start to regulate myself. And if I'm doing that
enough, I'm going to find this rhythm, which is where the
motivation comes right? That motivation to just pick up every
day to just keep going because I have a greater purpose, the
intentionality of our existence. All of it is clear for us. We know
why we're here. We know what we're supposed to do the formula is very
clear. So it gives us a sense of this drive right? And then from
that, we inculcate empathy towards other people because we also have
a softens our hearts is to start to see and understand. People have
different natures and we start to appreciate
differences in others, right? reflecting our own differences in
them. Right? This is a moment to moment, right? The believers are a
mirror for the believer. So you start to see, oh, you know, my
temperament is this way. So that person is this way. So let me just
be more empathic. Let me be more gentle, I lower my expectations, I
don't, I'm not so rigid. And then from there, your social skills
improve, you just become easier to be around because the more
prophetic likely are more welcoming, open, a compassionate,
merciful people will gravitate towards us, Allah subhanaw taala.
This is when we prioritize the last part that we follow our
profits over what I've set up, all of that tofield will come to us,
the doors will begin to open in our relationships and our
professional lives, or all these things will happen because we're
pleasing all this kind of before we're, we're thinking about his
creation, right? So always prefer that. And it's just a formula that
works right? And so quickly, because I know we're over. But I
wanted to leave you with this last slide, so that you can check
yourself to see where you fall in the spectrum of emotional
intelligence. If you're doing any of these behaviors on the left
side.
I'm sorry, but you need to work on your emotional intelligence. Hey,
if you are you alive, you're argumentative and just want to
pick fights 24/7 Or all day because whether it's online or
with your family, with your children with your spouse, you
just pick up the poll you just are you okay? Are you like to just
argue politics and this person and that person just okay. And in the
Hadith on the right are just reminders for us. But
insensitivity if you walk by someone crying and weeping and
your attitude is like, get over it.
You know, we have to do better because that's not the broker's
license. Right?
When he when we when he found a man crying over his bird, that
died, the process and and didn't say, get over a tomato, Amir, so
what is just a bird?
He showed him compassion. And he you know, he was playful with him
in a way where he wanted him to know, I understand your pain. That
was our home slicer. So be sensitive towards people when
they're going through things if you're a stoic person, and this is
where temperament also makes a difference. Some temperaments are
stoic, so you have an advantage. You're thick skin, but maybe not
everybody that you know. So in sibling households, you might have
someone who's very strong, and then their sibling isn't. But
there's usually this dynamic where the stronger one is always picking
on the little one. So teach your children not to do that. Be
sensitive, because the problem is I said, I'm more sensitive to
people, right? self-righteous, if you went to Hajj 10 times, and
you've been wearing the hijab, since you were, you know, a
newborn. Some people, they take it to that level and your beard is
beautiful, long and you know, you do all of a sudden, as you put
your hand on you do not.
Don't ever get ahead of yourself and judge other people. Don't be
the religious authority that walks around judging how old Why are you
praying this way you should do this even stuff. Don't be self
righteous, because just as almost permit guided you, you can take
the guidance away from you. And the quickest way to do that is to
become arrogant and self righteous. So always remember,
right that it's from a law that I am this way, it's not because I
did anything to be this way, it's from literally a lot you can take
it away displeasure with blame. If someone is correcting you and your
knifes starts to boil up and you really don't like it and you
retaliate and you snap back and you cut them down because you
can't stand that they corrected you. You lack emotional
intelligence, because everybody makes mistakes, right? Everybody
makes mistakes. Everybody Adam
right. So, all of us make mistakes.
And the best of those who make mistakes are those who recognize
their mistake because in order to make Koba you recognize your
mistakes, right. So, be open to, to being called out and to be
corrected for coping skills. If something happens and you fall
apart. We need to go back to the drawing board you have to study
what is this world? What is the side the temporality of this,
like? How you know, the design of the world who almost rather is
what is justice, of death in grief, whatever it is that made
you fall apart, you need to revisit it. So you have a sound
understanding, right, that this isn't this is just a part of the
journey of the human being we're travelers, right? So work on our
coping skills in terms of how to process things that were not happy
with and then emotional outbursts. If you have, you know, you get
riled up very quickly, easily, and you can't help yourself
You know, this is also a sign with the exception. And I will mention
this because I write about this as well, we also have to factor in
hormonal, you know, influences here, because if they are true,
some people are actually impacted by hormones, and they can find
themselves being more agitated, agitated, or irritable. And, you
know, a little bit more snippy during certain times of the day,
especially for women in case of women have mentioned menstrual
cycle. So this is a valid reality, it's medically proven it exists.
So we need to be sensitive to also those things but still work on
ourselves and and abusive and toxic relationships. If you have a
history of having really negative relationships, you want to go back
and say, am I the common denominator? Am I bringing
attention to that type of, you know, my inviting that type of
energy into my life, why, and work through that. But all of these are
just good indicators for us to see where we need to work on so that
we become more emotionally intelligent, more aligned with the
goals liasons example Inshallah, and, you know, build those skills
that will help us deal with all the stuff that we're dealing with
right now, like a lot of this COVID and quarantine, and just
everything that's happening financially and politically, it's
rattling, so many people, because they haven't done this internal
process of really getting clarity about their beliefs, you know, who
they are, what their relationship is, with the world, like, all
those things matter. That's why we should be using our time really
wisely as we are still in this lockdown. You know, if you're
watching, again, videos, and Netflix and just wasting a lot of
time on entertainment, to cope and to escape from all of it, you're
doing yourself a disservice use this time to read to study to
become a better person, so that when you emerge, you're like, you
know, 100 and I got a windfall of time, you know, many of us are
working from home, whereas even I was, you know, my husband, for
example, he works in the tech field, before his schedule was
ours, literally on a bus, two hours there two hours back for
hours on a bus lost every day, having to work, you know, crammed
in this tight space, and then out of the house for how many hours
based on his schedule. So now that he's home, we're able to pray as a
family together, eat our meals together, what a gift from Allah.
So if you're in that situation, see it as an immense nema. But use
the time wisely, to learn to read the Quran to improve on your
prayers to strengthen your relationships with with one
another. Right? And he shall Lot went on was kind of that
takes us out of this situation, you will have use that time
wisely. But if you just grow up, I mean, gripe and complain. And
you're negative weights. So from the legislation, welfare and
forgive me, I know I went over by a few minutes. But if there are
any questions or comments, or so much like and this is a subject
that he is very familiar with, thank you for being so patient to
to sit here throughout this. You could have I'm sure. Given the
same talk, but I would love to hear from, from anybody who has
maybe some some thoughts to share.
The slideshow?
I think it's recorded.
There's a project well, okay, so I have this exact like these talks
already on YouTube. If you go to YouTube and just do emotional
intelligence of my name, you'll see talks that I've done on this
topic. So all the slides are
more,
I guess, the old series that talks precede emotions and rejection
early on that it's actually an emotional proceeding
that she
teaches you or has a more
great question. So this idea that what comes first are thoughts or
emotions, right? So if you think about I mean, again, this could go
to temperament to because some people are based on their
temperament more emotional, right? So they actually feel things
first. And then the thoughts and awareness, right, that rational
mind kicks in afterwards. Other people are more rational, right?
So it's like you can compartmentalize your feelings in
a way. So a lot of it does have to do with nature. But, you know,
again, that little blurb that I put in there is explaining that,
in fact for
according to the research that we do actually feel first and I mean,
I'm trying to think of a good example of how this could apply
fight or flight. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. Yeah.
A fight or flight is definitely one.
Yeah, in a panic situation, right? When you are especially scared,
you're fearful, like terror, right? Like any type of crises,
people don't usually remember what to do, right? You almost lose
rational thinking, this is why, you know, you'll see.
Again, like in those crises situation, there's few people who
can kind of step up and know what to do, but they're usually
training, right? Like they have some military background and some
background where they went through a training to know how to respond
in those situations. I know for myself, I consider myself pretty
rational, but I absolutely freeze. When there's like a crisis. I
don't I like lose, I don't know what to do. And I it's like, I'm
trying to, you know, think about, like, how to fix it in the moment,
but I know I'm quite dangerous, especially God forbid, like around
water, because I don't know how to swim. So I think if anybody ever
don't ever go anywhere, sort of because I can't help you. I'll
just like, I get, I don't know what to do. Because if I jump in
now rows gonna die. So I think there's certain scenarios that
that again, push us to that point where we feel intense emotions,
but our mind doesn't quite kick in and thinks, yeah, fighter flight
is a perfect example of mass casualty event. Like paramedics.
Yeah.
Some of them never recovered. Some of them have to do triage so that
they can see the pain and suffering.
My brothers ER doctors, my brother in law, so we had to train. Right?
That's amazing. Some people in Mexico can't do it has to be
internal, or surgeons because they can do. Yeah, it's too much.
There's some people Yeah, and very visceral response to those types
of intense states, or I know people who, like in a conflict
situation, for example, like road rage, right? There's some people
with road rage, they're very reactive, right? So they're
reactive, and they can honk and who know they'll do it all. You
see these two cards feeding alongside each other fighting
between, you know, on the road, and then there's other people who
just don't, they can't they get they literally will freeze up
because the fear of that honking sound, you know, got them and
they're not even realizing what what just happened. And they'll
like, be so confused or disoriented. Right. So a lot of it
does have to do with the way that, you know, our temperaments are and
how we process whether reactive or not, but I think generally
speaking, that fight or flight example is a really good
explanation.
Yes.
In terms of self regulation, how is addiction Asami perspective? A
very good question myself. You know, again, addictions are real,
and we would definitely defer to a more medical,
psychological explanation on how that forms to some addictions can
be definitely hereditary, as far as you know, certain.
For example, I mean, I remember reading with drug addiction, or
even alcoholic, you know, alcoholism, that can run in the
family, right. So you can have certain genetic predispositions to
certain addictions, that also all has to factor in. But if it comes
to your own behavior, right, where you were doing something, that
without any regulation of yourself, then you are ultimately
responsible for those choices. And from an Islamic perspective, you
will need to of course, tend to that and likely go into a program
and There are now programs for run by Muslims that will deal with
different addictive behaviors
to help people from a spiritual, physical, psychological, and I
need a medical perspective on how they can address those addictions.
But, you know, this comes usually because there's no regulation,
right? If you're not
accountable for yourself, and you allow yourself to do certain
things, you will fall into those types of behaviors because, again,
the knifes and at least they work in concert with each other. So
your notes will tell you to continue doing whatever it is
whether again, it's drugs, gambling, alcohol, it could be a
myriad of things that people find to be addictive. But then shaitan
is going to push you even further into that. So that you, so that
you become habituated to. So the reversal of that is to get have
have to take up multipronged, maybe approach to fighting those
urges. Submit there may be medical intervention, there will be
therapy, Behavior Therapy, there can be different ways of
approaching it based on what the addiction is.
But you would be ultimately responsible for yourself in that
scenario.
So it's very real user. That's why I'm proud enough for increased
awareness with especially when it comes to mental health. There are
a lot of people who may not know that this is something that they
may have, for example, predisposition to, or there's some
other component there. So when you have a proper evaluation and
proper experts, helping you, I think it can really
make things clearer. So the brother was asking about
recommendations to help with procrastination and just a general
lack of desire to, to feel motivated. It's a very good
question. Procrastination is a huge problem. And that's why the
studies, when we study them and internalize their meanings, they
can start to really make sense, one of the Hadith that really
helps me is the reminder that a person is not promised the night
in the morning, nor they promised the morning in the evening, right?
For me, that makes a lot of sense in that if I want to do something,
and I, my mind tells me do it later. Right? That I have to check
myself and say, but laters and guaranteed, right? I don't even
know. I mean, that's a pretty broad amount of time. But even the
hour, the next hour, is not guaranteed, because people, you
know, pass away instantly, all the time, without any explanation. And
this happens with youth. It happens with children. And I mean,
and the reason why I think those things happen to me, I want to
protect us in particular, all their loved ones, is to humble us
to say, don't let you know, this idea that you have, you know, one
of the diseases of the heart is totally right that you have, like
false hopes, because false hope is a disease who told you that you
are going to be able to do this, right. So prioritize the now,
right? And the believer lives in the now because the past is done.
Right? So we don't live in the past, like, so that's why they
were taught like low ministry thought, if you what if I
shouldn't have Why did I these are the thoughts that people who are
stuck in the past and depressive state are being bombarded with
because they think that they could have done things differently.
That's a shake onic impulse, because he just wants you to be
stuck there. And then anxiety is about the future, right? So a lot
of people are crippled by, you know, fear of what's to come, and
they don't feel motivated to do anything. Whereas the believer
realizes the now matters, and I don't I need to use every moment
now. Because if I die in the state that I'm in now, where will I end
up? Right? And that hyper vigilance about the now is a
motivating factor. And then in terms of just general motivation,
your software matters, you know, we keep our company with. So if
you don't have good company that reminds you to be better, and that
you can, like, you know, great, we're a soccer club, right we were
supposed to compete with. So if we're not vying with one another
in our friendships, then we may lose the drive. So you should have
people that challenge you. Like, if you have friends who do or for
example, right now, you know, doing hips, and they're your age,
they work full time, like you are they're doing, they're aspiring to
something great. You should be like,
what is it that they don't have? Why can't you know they have
family, they have a job they're doing so why am I not doing it?
And it starts to push yourself to a higher standard. Instead of
stagnation. The stagnation is just like you're just coasting right?
But we are encouraged to always be better, right to aspire for
better. And look at your trajectory. If you're the same
person you were last year in the year before two three years ago.
That means your loves is driving the car, like you're nuts is just
cruise control. Does minimal effort mediocre and that shouldn't
be good enough for you because we're not a mediocre people.
Right? We have the best of creation as our example. So we
have to challenge ourselves.
Mother and I'm sorry
and thank you so much, everyone.