Hatem al-Haj – ADB002 Al-Adab Al-Mufrad – Parents & Dutifulness to Mother
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
So last time, we talked about,
you know, an introduction to, Kitab al Adeb
al Mufrad by Ilham Al Bukhari,
rahimahullah
ta'ala.
Last time, we talked about,
the importance of tiskea,
also known as the saguf,
the combines
spirituality,
ethics, and etiquettes,
character, and conduct.
Ethics and etiquettes would be character, character, and
conduct.
And we,
talked about the Imam Bukhani, and we talked
about Radab al Mufrad, and we talked about
why we,
chose
this particular topic and this particular,
book.
And this time, Insha'Allah, we will start,
from, the beginning of the book,
Al Adab Al Mufrad.
Imal Bukhari Rahimahullah Ta'ala,
said,
Did he say
He did not write this, but we presume
that he would have said it to himself.
And
Bismillah Ar Rahman Rahim would be sufficient
because that is how you mentioned the name
of your Lord.
But
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam also used
to begin his
books or
letters
by Bismillah Al Rahman Rahim.
He didn't write from the law of Dua
Aminosulamu
Ansar from Ursareen.
Wa sallam alayhi wa sallam
alayhi wa sallam alayhi wa sallam alayhi wa
sallam alayhi wa sallam alayhi wa sallam alayhi
wa sallam alayhi wa sallam alayhi wa sallam
because there are reports about,
the the importance of Alhamd in the beginning,
of any task of importance
or any
significant, task. So we we in in this
case,
you would say that this is sufficient, and
we presume,
that Imam Abu Hari would have said it.
And if he had said it, then he
and certainly he,
like, he was constantly making hamdah and salah
and so on.
But this is how you, basically basically,
should
think of
good people, righteous people. You should think of
the best of them and presume the best
all the time.
So this is the, you know, this is
Kitab Birel Walidayid. And Imam Bukhari did not
give
book names. He gave chapter names.
Some people, you know, collected different chapters on
their books after Imam al Bukhari,
just for organization
of the book. But Imam al Bukhari did
not say Kitab
Beir al Waradayin.
He started
by the first chapter,
and he said,
the chapter chapter on the saying of Allah
or the words of Allah
Almighty, we have enjoined upon
man to be good
to his parents.
So you could say
or
or
All would be
okay,
correct
to say.
Most of the scholars prefer to say
In this case, you would, say chapter
and
column,
for the people who translate
the words
of Allah with
capital t, the with capital t. So it's
not chapter on, chapter
and colon.
And then the words of Allah Almighty,
we have enjoyed upon man to be good
to his parents.
And this is the beginning and I said,
Insha'Allah,
the the purpose of this
is to learn the proper character and proper
etiquettes.
The book talks about etiquettes, but they are
intertwined with character,
And it is,
certainly
expected of a Muslim,
to base their etiquettes
in good character.
The etiquettes should not be
only
external
conduct
or
pretentious
behavior
or even calculated strategy,
they should be coming from
a good character.
So when you give, it should be coming
from the character of
generosity
that is that you have worked on
until you it became
part of your nature,
if you were not born with it, as
we said last time. Because some people could
be born with certain qualities,
and certainly, we are born with mixed qualities,
good and bad.
And
your success in life
is
to realize your potential
in,
perfecting
the good manners, good qualities as the prophet
said. I was sent or commissioned to perfect
good character.
So your success in life would be to
end it
after having,
worked
hard,
after having done your best to perfect your
good character, to realize your potential
in goodness,
in every virtue,
in every virtue,
and to have,
cleared
your character from
the vices
that you may have, may or may not
have
inclination toward
by your
composition,
just your
natural
composition.
So this is the primary focus.
However,
like I said last time, be because we
do need to to be comfortable with the
sunnah of the prophet, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
and to,
we need to be to realize
the efforts that were placed,
into preserving
the sunnah of the prophet, sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam, so that we are not subject
to misconceptions,
such as sort of the revisionist,
approach to Islamic history,
and and things of that nature. And and,
certainly,
the assaults on the sunnah have not started
with this. And but this is an assault
on the entire
structure, the sort of the entire building and
its foundation,
revisionism.
But the assaults on the sunnah have started
much much much earlier than this, and we
do need to be,
we need need to to be confident in
the sunnah in its entirety. And as I
said, you need to be also moderate. You
need to understand
what is definitive and what's not definitive.
And that singular reports are not definitive in
transmission,
yet they are applicable,
yet they are binding,
yet you should be very confident in acting
upon them
because of all of the efforts that were
spent
in preserving,
these reports from the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
So we will, we'll talk about some of
the narrators to just
for a familiarity
to understand,
how related they are to each other,
how they knew 1 another, how much we
know about each 1 of those,
inheritors.
Sometimes, you know, you could write books on
these narrators. This is
how much we know about them.
We know where they lived. We we know,
like, you know, who the whom they learned
under. We know their students, their teachers.
We know that their mehna, the troubles, the
hardships they went through. We we know so
much about them,
that we should be very confident
in their reporting.
So
we will start by
this will be a little bit of a
longer,
train because this is at the beginning
of
this is at the beginning of the book.
So it does not start far from it,
Imam al Bukhari,
but it starts from the collector,
or it's it's starts from the 1
from whom the,
the sort of that the collector of that
particular,
collection,
heard from. So he says
Mohammed, ibn Haroon, ibn Abdul Jabbar, al Bukhari,
known as ibn Nizikih,
informed us regard reading reading it to him
reading it to him. This is 1 of
the,
basically,
ways of talaqti or reception
to read the book to the shayf or
to hear it from the shayf.
You either read it yourself
or you read it while you're listening or
someone else reads it while you are listening
and the Sheikh would approve of
it.
So there are different forms of talaqih. And
then there is ijazah. You don't read it,
but he gives you
he certifies you to, narrate the book. That's
usually given when when people are confident,
that the person will,
is competent.
So he informed us reading it to him
and he acknowledged it.
He came to us as a pilgrim in
the month of Safar in the year
370.
He said, Abu Abu Khair,
It should be albazaz by the way.
So he used to sell fabric.
Informed us in the year
322,
he said, Abu Abdul Abdulla,
Muhammad, ibn Ishmael,
He said, Shu'aaba narrated to us. He said,
Al Walid ibn al Azaar informed us. He
said, I heard Aba Amr al Shaye Baniye
say the owner of this house and he
pointed at the house of Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
said, I asked the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam, may Allah bless him and grant him
peace.
Which action Allah loves best? He replied
prayer
at its proper time.
Then what?
He asked
or I asked. He said
then kindness to parents, kindness to parents. I
asked then what? He replied, then jihad in
the way of Allah.
He added, he told me about these things,
3 things. If I had asked him to
tell me more, he would have told me
more.
And
certainly,
you know, from al Bukhari to Abdullah al
Mas'ud,
this is a chain of
basically most verifying erudite
narrators.
This is a chain
of verifying erudite
narrators. That is why this hadith was reported
by al Bukhari al Muslim in their Sahih.
So So this is an agreed upon,
hadith.
So the the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
gave different answers to different people and we
have discussed to this before why he gave
different answers to different people because, yes, the
answer is contextual. The answer will vary depending
on,
the person posing the question, depending on the
current circumstances
and the person and the person's weaknesses and
strengths. And, you know, if the prophet
notices that a person is deficient in 1
thing,
he will focus
on it,
more, you know, and and basically advise them.
So this is giving
a
customized
answer, you know, most of the time he
was given
customized
answers to people.
But since Abdullah ibn al Saud
is a scholar
who's asking
to learn
mainly, of course, you know, there is no
benefit in learning if you don't intend to
act on your learning.
We've we've said this and we repeat it
over and over again, but since Abdullah ibn
Mas'ud is 1 of the most scholarly sahaba,
the scholars presume
that these answers
are generic,
not customized.
Like this is a generic answer.
So this is it. If you want to
look for the order,
if you're not want to look for the
right order,
this is it. Because
he gave this answer
to a scholar,
not to just
any regular practitioner. You give it to a
scholar.
So And
each 1 of this is a prototype.
Each 1 of this signifies
something be just beyond it.
Salaala waqtihah is what? Your commitment to Allah,
your relationship with Allah, your direct
relationship with Allah shouldn't shouldn't be the most
important thing.
And isn't the salah
the clearest manifestation
on this commitment?
5 times a day, you'll have to pull
yourself out of your daily routine
and make if
you don't have
and and stand before Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
to,
moisten your dry soil.
Extremely important,
and it is about your
religious commitment.
That is why,
you know, it is the the
sort of the pillar,
the most important pillar in the deen comes
after,
the shahada,
and,
it's the middle pillar of the tent, you
know, you know, Amud al Fustat. It's the
middle pillar
of, the tent.
Then
what would be next,
you know, if if salah is basically the
most important thing because it is,
you know, your commitment to Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
Then after this, you
know, your your your because
the deen is about,
your relationship with Al Khalk and your relationship
with Al Khalk. What would come next is,
your commitment to
good conduct,
to,
towards,
Al Khalk,
to fulfilling your obligations,
to the creation of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
the creations of Allah, All of the creations
of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Who should come
first?
Certainly,
certainly
your parents
should come first.
And if you have 1 of them alive
or both of them,
then
these are your doors to paradise.
So
your parents should come first,
before anyone else.
You should not put anyone
ahead of of your parents.
That does not mean injustice to others. It
just means that when it comes to bir,
they should always come first.
And anybody else will be a distant second,
a distant second.
He then said,
And then I asked him,
then
what?
He said then jihad
in the way
of Allah.
And what does this refer to? What does
jihad refer to?
You know if if you read
it it will basically tell you that after
you have fulfilled,
your commitments,
now your your duty
the the next duty
will be
to resist,
to struggle,
to stay on course.
And you will have you will have
so many forces,
trying
to, basically pull you away
from the the past,
the the straight path.
Now you fulfilled your obligations. These are prototypes.
Commitment to God,
commitment to his creations,
and, 1 that these are examples. You know,
the most important thing when it comes to
commitment to God is your prayer. The most
important people,
to show this commitment to
are
your parents.
And then once you have done this,
you have to be patient.
They enjoined 1 another to,
to the truth
and to patience.
You need a lot of patience
basically to to not be,
distracted,
dissuaded,
deceived away
from the straight path,
to to the pleasure of Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala.
Now
so that is an al jihad. Al jihad
is that struggle. It's that resistance. Does it
apply to
jihad by the sword? Of course. It does
apply to this but it is not limited
to this.
You you know, that is the the pinnacle
manifestation
because when you go to the battlefield,
you're sacrificing
everything,
to testify
to your belief.
You know, so when you when you give
sadaqa, sadaqa barhan,
it proves your belief in Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala. You want to prove to yourself
because
otherwise if you don't believe in Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala, you will hold on to your
money.
But if if if you go home today
and, certainly if you have access to donate
to our brothers and sisters in
Like you have direct access, then you should
do this. But if you go home today
and whatever organization that you use usually
and donate
to,
our brother and sister who are suffering, whether
in that's our other places, you know, there
are the wounds are, too many.
So,
so then you're you're saying
that I I do believe
in Allah
and I am sacrificing,
you know, my wealth
for him, for his cause.
So
like,
but what about the mujahide? The mujahide does
not only
so what about the
the does not only sacrifice his wealth, the
mujahid sacrifices
his life, you know,
life
at stake.
So certainly,
it would,
it would come next. It would come next.
It is expected that it would come next.
Now
but Birir Walidain
was given precedence
over Ildihaq.
Yes. Because it's about your, you know, because
that is what Nadine is about, to fulfill
your obligation to
Allah and to his creations.
And then the struggle comes after this, after
you have fulfilled your obligations.
Someone who wants to struggle without having fulfilled
their obligation,
what
was why are you doing this?
Why are you failing in fulfilling your obligation?
Is it fascination with heroism?
Because many people we talked to it last
time about identitarian
religiosity, and we talked about how we as
minorities,
as Muslim minorities,
even if you're a convert, you're still you
have identified with this group now so you
could certainly,
be stuck in identitarian religiosity.
We've talked about
how we're prone to this and we've talked
about the perils of identitarian religiosity,
and we've talked about
desires
that we may have, you know, someone who
wants
jihad, you know,
the first people with with whom the fire
will be kindled. 1 of them is, right,
because he wanted to fight to be to
be called courageous
or to be seen as, you know, heroic
or courageous or this or that. So there
there are subtle,
you know,
self interest.
Self interest is is what we the the
word I'm looking for. Self interest. Subtle self
interest.
If you have not fulfilled your obligation towards
your parents
and you're very keen on coming to this
class
to learn knowledge,
you're likely not learning it for Allah
because you have the widest door.
You have the widest doors to him. Like
if you have 2 parents alive, you
So 1 of the set off is is
1 of his parents died and he was
was crying and they said to him, I
just said,
Jazar is basically the unpraiseworthy
grief.
That's debilitating
grief.
He said no but
I have 1 of the doors
to paradise,
closed in front in front of my face.
So anyway, so if you have these doors
open
and you're not doing your best
in,
showing kindness to your parents and you're coming
here to learn,
you need to ask yourself why you're learning.
Why you're
learning? I mean, well, for what purpose?
Most likely to be called a learned man.
That's it.
How useless is that?
You will discover this
when your veil
gets removed,
once you enter your grave,
and the veil gets removed,
and everything that matters here doesn't matter there.
And, you know, currency changes
there
and things get reversed.
It gets, you know,
you you will discover,
there.
So, so this is it. The prophet is
pointing out the importance of,
being genuine in your religiosity.
It is not about you. It's not about
your self interest.
It's not about your image.
Even in your your image in front of
yourself, it's not about any of this. It's
about fulfilling your obligations to Allah,
to his
creations.
So
So
Tajreed is Tajreed is detachment from the means
and,
as Bab would be the means.
So to be to be
in,
to want a detachment from the means when
Allah had placed you in a world of
means
is a subtle
self interest.
Subtle temptation.
What does he mean by this?
Like
someone who who,
basically
pretends to be detached from the world of
Asbaab. And certainly there are different ways of
understanding this. And
if if you want to to to expand
on this, I have, like,
like, I have a lecture online
by
the name of reclaiming
or or something
like this. So maybe you can you could
expand.
But anyway, the legacy of those great scholars
can be interpreted in different ways,
and we want
to to make the Sunni interpretation
of their legacy
so that we don't deprive ourselves of their
wisdoms.
So
here, detachment from an SBAB does not mean
that anyone would be completely detached from an
SBAB,
That anyone
because at the end of the day, if
you're hungry, you will eat.
No 1,
would basically
not eat if they are hungry and say
these are as bad and I
am above this or
I'm beyond this. And this is not the
way of the prophet, not the way of
the companions
radiallahu
anhu. But
let let us give an example. I heard
this example from Sheikh Hassan Shafi'i
and it's it's it's a good example. He
says someone
who has the, like, the potential to benefit
the the Muslim community, for instance, to teach,
to excel in worship, and so on and
so forth.
And they have money, enough money to retire.
And your your your job is not basically
the the the most helpful job.
It it's not like you're a heart surgeon
and everything that you do, because if if
you're a heart surgeon and you're doing a
good job and,
then maybe you could you could seek the
pleasure of Allah through perfecting your
work. But
your job is like a mundane job, and
you do have the potential
to benefit the community and to excel in
worship and so on. And you defer your
retirement
because you're you're keen on
amassing more wealth more wealth and so on,
that is someone who is an.
That is someone who is attached to,
the means,
to the point that he dropped. He fell
off, you know,
high aspirations.
He's not basically
pursuing
higher aspirations.
Okay.
Someone
like an ordinary person, for instance.
I have
encountered many of those folks.
Maybe more than 20 years ago,
someone was asking me
if they should,
someone who's who was not basically
intellectually,
Okay. I have to say this in a
respectful way.
So someone who was, you know,
who was not really given
to, like, the the pursuit of knowledge
and was dependent on his brothers
to finance his pursuit of knowledge,
to finance his dedication to knowledge.
He's been studying for years and his level
of comprehension
was was
obviously limited,
but still making his brothers work
to fund
his
pursuit of knowledge, his dedicated dedication to knowledge.
I think that this is,
This is basically,
like he's pursuing a self interest,
because obviously
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is not
base is not opening that door for him.
He's encountering
difficulties
in understanding and learning and so on.
Knowledge is important.
Knowledge is good. You could always say, how
could you blame someone for dedicating himself to
knowledge?
But you're relying on your brothers to earn
a living for you, to support you, support
your family. You're married. You have 1 or
2 kids, and you're relying on your brothers
or your father,
your your your old father,
to continue to support you.
How is that not Hashem HaFei?
It is Hashem HaFei.
These are 2 examples that you could use
just, you know, for approximation
of this concept.
So sometimes
when you excel in a particular worship and
you fall behind in another,
you want to ask yourself
why.
Is there a self interest here? So when
Abu Bakr radiallahu anhu, the prophet said,
you know, who woke up fasting
today? Abu Bakr said I, and then he
said, you know, who fed a poor person
to the Abu Bakr said I, who followed
the Jeraziz? Abu Bakr said I, who,
visited the segment today, Abubakri Saidai. What does
that mean?
What does what does that
diversified
portfolio
mean?
He's,
you know,
he's he's not the servant of any particular
desire or interest or liking
or pursuit.
He is a servant of God. So the
pleasure of God is what he's after.
Every door
to goodness
that gets open before him, he walks in,
you know.
And that is how we should be and
that is how we should train ourselves.
So like I said, it is very appropriate
to begin this with this,
particular hadith
because
seriously,
if you're not being kind to your parents,
whatever you're doing here
is useless.
Then
the next hadith
or, you know, I I should say
I I hope that it will,
benefit you in the sense of
making you kind to your parents.
Will benefit you in that sense.
Then,
and I'm not going to repeat the
chain in English. I just read it for
the first 1.
So Abdullah ibn Umar said the pleasure of
the Lord lies in the pleasure of the
parent, and the anger of the Lord lies
in the anger
of,
the the parent.
So I love it basically is, you know,
and and then this hadith, you're you're being
told
that the pleasure of the Lord is contingent
on the pleasure of the parent.
And
does that mean that
Allah put a medium between you and him?
No. Because he required to be you to
be kind to your parent.
If your parent will be upset with you
because
of their
shortcoming and not yours,
then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will not basically
hold you to this.
Your parent is upset with you
because your parent wanted you to do something
haram.
Your parent wanted you,
did not want you to
basically be practicing
or, you know,
if if your parents tells you, like, occasionally,
I don't want you to pray sunnah
now. I want you to go buy me
this.
Then you should listen to your parent, of
course. Of course. But if your parent is
consistently
irritated by your
religiosity,
and some parents are like this,
would you say that
this hadith will apply in this case and
because your parent is upset, Allah would be
upset? No. It's not.
Pertains to that which is maruf, which is
good.
But we will come to talk about this
in more detail,
but let us not
detract from
the impact of these ahadith
by getting into the
discussion. When should you obey? When should you
not obey? Let's just get the whole impact
of this,
so that it is effective.
And maybe because it is the first hadith
that that
that would have something to be said about
the chain of narration, the further,
let's let's let's say it.
Isn't is is this the chain that you
have in front of you?
Okay.
So this this hadith
is not particularly
this hadith is acceptable. It is Hassan.
Where is the
the slight weakness coming to this hadith from?
Adam
is
from his father. His father is
from Abdulab, Nomer.
Adam is
sicker,
trustworthy.
So we have
the hadith,
could be sahi
or daif
or something between them called Hassan.
Hassan is still acceptable,
but it is short of Sahih authentic
and it is above the aif week and,
certainly, there are different degrees of dawf
and there are different degrees of sahar
and there are different degrees of husn.
Is
Do you need to say?
Of course not.
You don't comment on the Sahaba
and comment on the Sahaba is basically
impolite,
improper.
So
from his father.
His father,
they call him Madhul.
What what what who's who's Shaaba?
Shaaba bin Hijad?
If there is a layer next to the
right next to the sahaba,
Shaaba, he is that layer.
This is the highest
the the so this is the highest,
highest, highest level
in trustworthiness
you could get to ever.
There is nothing like this.
So Shaba' is Amir al mumineen.
Fil Hadith.
Very few people
were described as Amir al mumineen al Hadid.
Shawba is certainly
1 of them.
So you have Thika, you have trustworthy,
Amiral Mumineen, Thika,
Sahabi.
You got a Madhuul here.
So what does majhul mean?
Unknown,
right?
Is he majhulalayin
or majhulalal?
There is a distinction and I'm not going
to get into
the the the mastur and there there are
other
layers here. But majhul al ayn, we don't
know he who he is
at all.
We don't know the person himself.
Madhulul hal, we don't know the status
of the person.
They give different definitions to mazhul alayin and
mazhul al hal.
Person who's unknown or his status is unknown.
We know him, but we don't know his
status.
So Madhur Al Ayn
is someone,
that we that only 1 narrator reported from.
Mathur al Khale, when we have 2 or
more narrators reported
from him, but we still
don't have
someone
from
the
erudite scholars of hadith
saying he's,
you know, this or that, giving
him, like, a ranking.
And we have
according to al Hafid al Najjar, we have
12 rankings.
6 belong to credibility
and 6 belong to
lack of credibility.
6 degrees of lack of credibility,
6 degrees of credibility.
We said
shawba
is first the degree of credibility, the top,
the cream of the crop.
Would
be
2nd or 3rd?
3rd.
When you second would be
You use like tawkid.
You repeat the basically,
the praise.
This would highest level the the highest superlatives.
No 1 is is,
you know, greater than him. Something like this.
This would be the first, second, and third.
So anyway but you have you have this
problem.
And so this person,
do we know him? Do we know
Ata?
How do you know him?
His son is telling you my father
said, you know, and
and not only that we know Atta,
we know that he was born 3 years
before Umar died,
So you know that he was born in
the Khalaf of Amr,
and when Shaba used to say to
from your father from whom? So
Yalab
used to say
to Sha'ba,
my father told me that the prophet, sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam said such and such.
Sha'ba will not be content with this.
From your father, from whom?
And then you Allah would be to him,
you're not accepting the hadith of my father?
My father
lived during the time of Osman,
you know,
You
know, those many of the Sahaba. He left
during the time of these Sahaba.
What is he trying to say to him?
This is a man
who did not only catch the, sort of
the
the younger Sahaba, but the the older Sahaba
lived during the khilafa of Uthman, so he
would be to you from the Sahaba.
And if he's reporting to you from the
Sahaba from the prophet you don't need to
ask about
the rationale when he would say to Sha'aaba,
you know,
my father,
from from, the prophet.
But anyway, so we know this much about
the father of Yala, Ata Alhamrei
Sakafei.
He's from from Saqif.
So,
and you know, we know enough details about
him
to,
to say
that we would be
comfortable
accepting
his report,
because Yalla
is sicker.
Yalla is a credible narrator
and Yalla
is telling you
his father
is credible
and he is reporting from Abdullah ibn Omar.
The 1 thing though about this,
chain
is that it is likely Abdullah ibn Umar
but there is a wow that is missing.
However,
all of the manuscripts of this book
reported from 'Abdulillah ibn Umar.
It is not known
that Ata
ever reported from 'Abdulahib Nomer. And in other,
books,
it is basically traced back to 'Abdullah ibn
Umar,
not 'Abdullah
ibn Umar
because Ata reported from 'Abbas'
reported from Abdullah ibn Umar, but it's not,
known that he reported from Abdullah
ibn Umar.
Therefore,
this hadith
would be
classified as
Hasan.
Why are we not calling it sahi? We
have this problem here.
Why are we not calling it daif?
Although some people may call it daif.
Either does the majority of scholars of hadith,
call it Hassan
because we're comfortable enough
based on the testimony of yalla,
based on the fact that Ata
was born during the time of Umar,
lived during the time of Asman,
that he would be,
our, you know,
good enough,
you know, to to
to accept to accept his reports.
So that was,
that was
So
read the rabbi feesahat
alwalid
the next chapter
is babu beril
beautiful beautifulness to one's mother.
Time runs by.
Yeah. I'll I'll take
Yeah.
So Babu Beril Ummah, the chapter of beautifulness
to one's mother.
He said
You could say both.
Would be
here so you could say
So if he said abaq here then we
should go back and say, umak, umak, umak,
Bahez ibn Hakim the,
Bahez ibn Hakim's grandfather
said
Bahezib Nakhim's
grandfather is Muhabi al Qushairay.
He is a Sahabi.
He said, I asked the I asked the
messenger of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to whom
should I be beautiful? Your mother, he he
replied. I asked then whom? Your mother, he
replied. I asked then whom?
Your mother, he replied. I asked then then
to whom,
should I be beautiful?
He said your father,
he replied,
and then the next closest relative
and then the next
and then the next closest relative and then
the next.
And certainly this hadith, and this is basically
the vast majority of scholars would,
give precedence to the mother over the father
in but
they would give precedence to the father in
in obedience.
So
when you have
when do you need this? When do you
need this comparison?
If there is a conflict.
But if there is no conflict, then you
should be kind to your mother and your
father.
And oftentimes,
fathers get shortchanged
because,
you know,
what they do is is not
particularly
visible
or is not that visible.
But to be fair to fathers as well,
they
they deserve
they deserve a lot of kindness.
And if they come second after the mother,
that's fine.
But it is not, it's not a very
distant second,
let us say. So your father gives you
a command, your mother gives you another command.
Does this command pertain to their well-being,
to their well-being,
to their own benefit and their own well-being,
or to something about you?
So your father tells you study engineering, your
mother tells you study medicine.
Your father tells you
get me,
your your father and your mother tell you
massage my legs
now.
You're, you know, if you if you're really
having difficulty,
you know, making arrangements with them to figure
it to, you know,
then you get precedence to your mother.
You get precedence to your mother.
If your father tells you study,
you know, engineering, your mother tells you study
medicine.
First of all, you don't have to,
obey them here, but
let's say you're being kind.
You get precedence to your father's command
here because it it's not about their well-being.
It's not about their own benefit.
It is basically,
a command about your own well-being,
not their well-being.
So that's the difference between and
is when it has when it has to
do with
the benefit or the well-being of
the,
orderer,
but is
when it doesn't.
So you give precedence to your mother if
it is about her comfort,
her her benefit, her interest, you you give
precedence to your mother.
Now,
Imam Malik was approached by a man
who had a father
who,
his father said to him,
you know,
his father was asking him to go to
Sudan,
to travel to Sudan.
And his mother said to him, no, don't
travel.
And Imam Malik was asked by the man,
what should I do now?
And he said to him,
obey your father
and don't disobey your mother.
So what does that mean?
He's given precedence to his father
but he's saying to him,
figure it out. Try to get to try
to convince your mother,
before you embark on your journey.
Try to convince your mother before you embark
on your journey.
Okay.
So that is
that's the difference between
ber and and taha anyway.
But certainly,
we we will not
this is a hadith from the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam.
There are various narrations from the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam to this effect.
We were not
basically
we're not taken away from
the
the impact of this hadith.
The mother is given precedence.
When it comes to bir, the mother deserves
more kindness.
And in the following gahadith,
we will understand
why she does.
Why
she does.
Let me just finish this chapter and I
will stop, you know, I'll take 1 more
hadith and then I will stop there.
You know, your the next skin, you know,
the
then,
after your your mother and your father and
then the next skin and the closest and
then the closest and then the closest.
Then,
This is a chain of tikat
all through.
Incredible
narrators throughout.
So
at Abne Essar said that a man came
to Abne Abbas and said, I asked,
he came to have not passed and said
to him
I proposed to a woman or I asked
the woman to marry me
and she refused to marry me. Another man
proposed to her and she agreed to marry
him. I became jealous and killed her.
I mean that's,
you know, that doesn't get any more evil
than this.
Then he said to him,
is there any way for me to repent?
So Abdul Abba said to him, is your
mother alive?
He said no.
He replied,
then just repent to Allah
and try to do try your best. Try
to draw
near him as much as you can.
So I went and asked the Abin
Abbas,
do you speak at here or ata?
1 of the students of Abin Abbas.
I went and asked Ibn Abbas
why did he ask him about his mother?
Why did he inquire about the man's mother?
So he replied,
I don't know of any deed closer to
Allah, exalted and majestic,
other than
dutifulness
to the mother.
Beautifulness to the mother. So he's he's basically
telling a murderer,
you
know, if your mother had been alive,
it would have been much easier for you
to repent
because you could have,
earned your way to Allah's pleasure
through, your kindness and beautifulness
to her but now that she's not alive
then
do your best.
What can I tell you?
You killed a human being just because she
refused to marry you.
What can I tell you? Repent and and
do your best.
So
but but there is certainly
an an important lesson to learn here
that
if,
you know, 1 of your parents is, still
alive,
particularly
and certainly particularly
your mother,
then even repentance
will be easier,
because you
could draw closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
You could earn the pleasure of Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala
simply by
being kind to her.
If you speak kindly to her
and you take care of her needs,
that's all you need to,
earn this pleasure.
That's
it.