Haifaa Younis – Remedies from Qur’an and Sunnah Domestic Abuse Program #02
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the prevalence of domestic violence victims being women and men in the American Muslim community and the importance of Islam in protecting people's rights and potential harm. They share statistics on the number of domestic violence victims experiencing physical and mental abuse, as well as the prevalence of sexual and emotional abuse. The speaker emphasizes the importance of living with them in kindness and the principles of marriage, including the importance of principle between husband and wife, divorce, and divorce. They also discuss the concept of sex and how it is not a matter of reason, but rather a factor of fear or desire.AI: Transcript ©
Eighty 5 percent
of the domestic violence victims are women.
Eighty 5 percent. There's 15%
of them, there is men, but 85%
is women or are women, right? So SubhanAllah,
it's
reality, but
it's a painful reality.
Domestic violence, now I'm gonna share with you
these statistics, in the American Muslim community,
and this is again, this is the organization
I told you about according to the Peaceful
Families
Project and this is a survey done by
Sakina.
31%
of the American Muslims reported
experiencing
abuse within
an intimate
partner relationship. Now this is husband and wife.
31%
and 53%, as I shared with you earlier,
of the American Muslim
reported
some form of an abuse in a family.
So 53%,
all forms, 31%
specifically
in the intimate relationship, there is abuse.
SubhanAllah.
Now here we come.
Most of the women,
right? Or actually, I would say most of
the couple, the first resource they go to
is Imams,
right? And this is what the statistics shows,
survey of 63 Muslim leaders
showed that 10%
of the Muslims
experienced
physical abuse in their homes. This is a
this is an old statistics if you see.
This is the woman I told you about
that she passed away in 2004, she started
this organization
and this is in 1999,
right? They say 10% of the Muslims
experience physical abuse.
Allah knows how much it is now with
all the violence we are seeing in
in the world,
that become norm, so the more we see
violence in the movies and the cartoons,
then we get more immune, we get numb
to seeing violence and then we start seeing
it. Look at the language
now we are using, not us, but the
younger generation, and I had this discussion in
fact last night with some of the youth
and they said just look at the cartoons.
It's the norm. All these
fun things is all using
the the bad language. So you can imagine
in 1999,
there is 10% of the Muslims experience physical
abuse. I am sure it is much more
now. A study of 23 Muslim married female
immigrants
from this is specifically from that country, 10%
prevalence
rate of spousal abuse,
SubhanAllah. And the rules of imam study, 22
mosques in New York found
96%
of the participant
perceived
imam as a counselor.
96%.
SubhanAllah, I was preparing this and that's exactly
the phone call I got yesterday
and it was the woman wanted to talk
to me, they already went and talked to
the imam.
So the first thing we all go and
what is the may Allah reward all the
Imams,
not every one of them
is, myself included, maybe I learned it a
little bit in medical school. We are not
counselors,
we don't have
a training, professional training as a as a
counselor,
but this is what is available now. So
they said 96%
of the participants
perceived the imam as a counselor and 74%
had sought counseling from imam for safety issue.
This is 2,006
safety issue. She's worried about her life.
SubhanAllah,
SubhanAllah.
Now another study, look at this, in a
study of 190
Muslim
Muslims and it's almost 200,
seeking mental health counseling in Northern Virginia.
41%
American Muslims, American Muslims
experienced domestic violence in the form of verbal,
emotional, physical, or sexual.
60%
of
those
experienced verbal or psychological
abuse in their lifetime.
It's very prevalent, Yani. The numbers is not
small. 60 percent.
60 percent is almost like 2 third,
and this is in general if you combine
them all and I know what we when
when someone says I'm being abused, our mind
always goes usually
to, but that's not only it and this
is the first question I ask when the
woman comes to me and I said, what
kind? And I actually specify it, these 5:
verbal,
physical,
emotional,
financial, and sexual.
SubhanAllah, may Allah
make things easy.
Now, last thing is here we go, the
types of abuse
in a survey of 9 domestic violence organizations
around the United States
serving more than 2,000 Muslim women
survivors
reported
82%
is emotional
or verbal, 65%
financial.
I will not spend for you. Leave and
see who's going to give money to your
children. This is
financial abuse.
Or she trusted him and she put all
her money or their joint account and then
he takes it.
Or the other way around.
But as I said, 85%
of the victims are women. 45 49%
is spiritual abuse.
Spiritual abuse. Allah will not be happy with
you, you will never go to Jannah. All
these things
we use and I always said this one,
we tailor
the religion according to what we want,
so I take a verse or I take
a hadith and I tailor it according to
what benefits me. I don't look at the
whole thing, and I'll I'll come to the
some of the, verses of the Quran that
we need to look at it in the
whole in totality, we don't look at it
at one word.
74%
physical abuse,
SubhanAllah,
70 4, this is statistics, this is real,
30% is sexual abuse,
and a woman shelter
resident study of 55
or 57
closed case files from an American Muslim women
shelter revealed that, this is in 2007,
30
37%
had multiple types of abuse,
23%
physical abuse and 12 percent
emotional abuse.
SubhanAllah. So I shared these numbers,
my beautiful South African,
friends, please forgive me because I don't have
statistics
from South Africa, but I can imagine if
this is what it is in the United
States. My gut feelings tell me it is
more in South Africa, so this is this
is just now.
We are going to base our discussion on
what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said to us
and through the Quran or through Rasul
Right?
And we start with a couple of questions.
Does Islam allowed it?
Does Islam allowed abuse? In general, in general.
Look at it. Spouses,
parents and children, children with each other.
Abuse
is a form of
injustice.
It's a form of injustice. You are using
your right in not the right way. That's
injustice. You're putting something
not in the right place, that's injustice.
What is
the ruling
of
injustice in Islam? This is a principle, you
apply it everywhere in your life, it is
actually
haram,
it is forbidden,
it's like eating pork
and Allah said this in Hadith and Qudsi
My servant
My servant
Allah is saying this,
my servants, you and me,
I have made injustice
haram, this is Allah used this word, it's
illegal,
it's unlawful,
and I made it Allah saying this, and
I made injustice
haram on myself.
Allah is Al Addu Subhanah,
Allah is the just
and injustice He made it haram on Himself
meaning
no one,
no creation of Allah,
not even animals will be treated with injustice,
Hashah, Allah will not do that
and that's what he's saying, he says My
servant, I made injustice haram unlawful
and I made it unlawful on myself
and I made it unlawful between you, and
then he said Falata balamoo,
do not practice injustice.
Abuse is an injustice. That's the first thing
we have to remember and we have to
learn.
When I am abusing
my rights in any form or shape, I
am committing injustice.
I am committing haram. I think we all
need to put these facts as basics.
People want to practice it, people don't practice,
that's something they have to answer to Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala but there is nothing justified,
nothing justify
and I'm going to come to the ayah
in the Quran where people use it to
justify physical abuse to the woman.
But in general, as a principle, and I'm
gonna come
in couple of the ayaats of the Quran,
principle between husband and wife,
principle between husband and wife, this is the
words of Allah
this is not my words,
this is not an interpretation,
this is clear and look what Allah
says, O you who attain faith or believer,
it's unlawful that you this is the
woman.
It is unlawful for you to inherit women
by compulsion,
and do not make difficulties
for them in order to take back
part of what you gave them unless they
commit a clear immorality.
Look at this,
this is an order.
This one.
Live with them in kindness.
And this is to the men talking to
the women.
Allah talking to the men
how to deal with their wives.
Well, I don't love HariAllahu,
she changed, she's not the same woman I
married
and
if you dislike them perhaps, meaning this can
happen,
you dislike something and Allah makes in it,
in it a great khayr, khayram kathira, much
good.
This is a principle
in relationship
between husband and wife.
Abuse is not allowed, whether abused to take
back what money you gave them, he will
not divorce her till she gives him the
money, that's abuse.
You don't like her, you cannot
not liking someone is not a ground for
abuse. That's
the
first principle in marriage,
live with them with goodness, and
that's by the way both sides, but this
ayah is specifically to the woman,
Here you go, this is the next ayah,
it's in Suratul Waka, right? And Allah here
is putting it
in the context of divorce, and women
have the right over their husbands as regard
living expenses, right?
Similar to those of their husbands over them.
It starts by it starts the I I
translate only part of it, but it starts
about divorce, what when the woman go through
divorce, what should she do and then Allah
in the second part and he says
they have
the woman has the same as the man
has,
right? In fear and goodness.
This is an abuse
this may be abused, this
what Allah says here: And the men have
responsibility
over them.
Narijari alaihin nagaraja
so they have they are above them that's
a loose translation, they're not better than them
when the man will have the upper hand
when the man fulfills the right Allah gave
him
and that is by spending on them,
by taking care of them from A to
Z.
From A to Z when the husband
takes care of finance,
takes care of emotional,
takes care even when she gets upset and
she may say things, he's the man. He
absorbed it
and there's and I'm going to say this
story because it is there, Sayyidna
I think it's a Sahabi or a righteous
man at the time of Sayyidna Umar, right?
Went to go to Sayyid Na Umar to
complain about his wife, that his wife is
not treating him well. He went to the
door of Sayyidina Umar and then he heard
the wife of Sayyidina Umar
saying something to Sayyidina Umar and the man
said, he went back and he said Sayyidina
Umar, and then he saw him later. This
is like the
the the concept of the story, and he
said I came to to complain to you
about,
my wife, and then I and I heard
your wife is talking to you in the
same way my wife is talking to you.
And say, no, I'm not responding,
and in in in the meaning of, if
we will not be taking care of our
wives, who else will? If we cannot
absorb their anger, who else will?
This is Sayidna Umar.
So here you go, when I
act as Sayidna Umar as a man, the
man acts as Sayidna Umar, absorbs the anger,
the emotion,
gentle, he then he has the upper hand
but it's not just a free giving
and when we read the verses in the
Quran, the man has additional rights, and I
put it in red here, and this is
actually not my words, this is actually for
the commentary of this ayah. The verse indicates
the man has additional right that when he
fulfill his role as a protector, as a
maintainer,
and as responsibility
of spending,
If he does everything and the woman is
in the house respected,
being taken care of and everything including emotional,
then yes,
they have like let's say something,
over them. Right? Now, we come to the
communist verse that is used by men to
justify
physical abuse of the woman.
This is also
and I'm gonna read for you
the translation, I put it in red for
a reason because I want people to read
it. Men are in charge of women, I
mean the Kawama
translation is very hard to translate and it's
not in charge.
Al Kawana is someone who is responsible
for that person, free meaning
not control,
takes care of all their needs. That's Al
Kawamah
and Allah said why? Why the man is
responsible for the 1? What
Allah have given them the upper hand in
physical and ability to go out and work
harder and all the other things.
There's 2
2 requirements
that the man has to fulfill
to fulfill
and then he will have this
as we say,
privilege.
He spends completely
on the woman, the woman by Sharia does
not have to spend anything
for her house. She does it. That's that's
her generosity,
but reality
as an obligation
in front of Allah, she is not, but
almost every woman does that. So here you
go, then comes to
from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly
obedient
guarding their husbands when they are away, and
but those wives
who they fear arrogance,
advise them first.
Forsake them in bed to leave them,
and then he strike them, that's the word.
That's the word a lot of people, Muslims
and non Muslims use it. This is Allah
said,
Allah said
strike them, right?
Then you go back to the Quran again
and look what Allah here said in Suratul
Ahaza.
So the word is a strike and the
Rasul Ahazam
explained it, now I've come to it when
I come to the sunnah,
but what did Allah said also in Surat
Al Azaab?
And those who harm
believing men and believing women,
both sides,
for something other than what they have done.
So what did she do? She did not
cook very well and then he gets very
abusive,
right? He did not come on time to
the house and then she becomes very abusive,
that's hurt.
This is for both because Allah hears
and please read this verse, Allah puts believing
men and women.
Those who hurt
believing men or believing
believing women for no reason,
no reason,
and if you look back,
those of you who may be involved in
this, if you sit down with couple
or talk to one of them of domestic
abuse and you really when they are calm
and you go down, down, down, down, down,
you find that
things are,
I mean, I wouldn't say there isn't majors.
There are sometimes majors but there is a
lot of it is simple,
that's not worth it. This is haram.
Hurting, believing
man or a woman is haram.
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