Fatima Barkatulla – Raising Believers #01

			Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh and welcome to Episode One of raising believers. I'm your
host, sister nusseibeh. And joining me for this series is sheher, Fatima barkatullah. And Bala,
founder of marital arts. In today's episode, we'll be discussing whether or not we can guarantee our
children will be righteous Muslims. And some of the ways we can do that. Now we know raising
children in the West can be an uphill battle. We find ourselves constantly asking the questions, can
we raise righteous children, we face struggles that people from before may not have faced. So let's
go straight into the discussion. How are you both? Hamdulillah? How are you?
		

			I'm good. I'm Paula. How are you doing today? I'm doing well. Alhamdulillah.
		

			It is. Okay, so let's start with a little bit of an introduction. I know that this series is
inspired by a book that you've written called Raising believers.
		

			Do you want to tell us a little bit about it? Yeah, so I'm writing a book called Raising believers,
tomorrow's leaders, because I know that one of the big pain points for parents all over the world,
but for especially in the West, I think is, you know, we ask ourselves the question, are there
things we can do that will guarantee that we that our children will be believers? And I wanted to
seek to answer that? And my answer to that is actually, no, we can't Sorry, sorry to break it to
everyone. You know, we can't actually guarantee the results, we can't guarantee that our children
will grow up to be believers, because there are two types of hedaya. Two types of guidance. One is
		

			Hidayatullah earshot, and one is Hidayatullah tofield. Hidayatullah. Rashad is basically the
guidance that we seek to provide. So we teach our children we enjoy the good, we forbid the evil, we
create the environment, that will mean that we that it's very, very likely for our children to be
believers. But hedaya To Toe feet is
		

			the guidance that is regarding the success of that Dawa, that we give you know that the success of
that guidance, whether the child or whether the person will actually become a believer or not,
whether the person will listen to the guidance or not. That type of Hidayat is in our last panel
data and its hands. So that's usually how I start talking about this. And I mean, we have you know,
countless examples from you know, the prophets and from the past, proving this point. I mean, on
Bala if you want to elaborate on any examples that you can give us? Sure, I think a lot of the time
parents are usually thinking what is the practical way to, you know, manifest certain ways in which
		

			they can cultivate, you know, in the children. And I think living in the West, people often find
that, you know, there are so many strategies that they can use, but it's about selecting a strategy
that is suitable for you, and your child and for your family. Because every child is different,
every family's needs are different. And panel, we have so many examples in the Quran. So many
parents, you know, in the Quran, the Jacoba Islam, Ibrahim alayhi salam, and I think it's about
taking example that is tailored to your needs, so that you can make it more relatable. And you can
follow them as like blueprints. And I think that's what I guess this whole series is going to be
		

			about to try to take some lessons from the Quran and the Sunnah, so that we can take inspiration and
apply them into our lives because everyone's thinking, you know how to raise their children upon
Iman, especially in the society that we live in. There's so many challenges, challenges that we've
never seen before. So it's about seeing Okay, there are certain guidelines Allah has given to us in
the Quran, and through the prophetic teaching, and it's about taking those guidance and applying to
our current situation. Oh, the example that you you just mentioned the prophets in the Quran. I
think that really proves to us you know, that we there are prophets in the Quran Allah mentioned,
		

			who had very pious children, right, the best. They had prophets has children even right. But then we
also have examples of prophets, who, although they were the chosen ones, they were the greatest men.
Of course, they will guide it, they would have taught that you
		

			Children about Allah Palestina, right they would have given good therapy. And yet, like in the
example of Nora Halle Salam, you know, his son became a disbeliever or he rejected his father's
message, despite the continuous call, Elisa, and even Iacobelli, Selim initially, his, you know, his
eldest sons Subhanallah, you know, they, they took their brother and threw him down a well, they
caused their own parents so much pain although and hamdulillah later on the they came back, I think
the important thing, you know, that you guys have mentioned is that, no, it's not in our hands, but
we have hope that insha Allah there are means in which we can, you know, try our best to do what we
		

			can to ensure you know, that we have done our part, I guess, but like you said, the result in
Allah's hands, the Sahaba said that there was not a bird in the sky, except that the prophets of
Allah when he was salam told us about it. So I don't want parents to lose hope, you know, just
because we can't guarantee the results. It doesn't mean that there the Quran and Sunnah has not have
not given us plenty of means that we can utilize to stack the deck in our own favor. In other words,
to make it more likely, and to make sure that we've done our job and Allah's eyes, you know, as
parents, we can stand in front of Allah on the day of judgment and say, You're a lot, I did my best,
		

			I followed your guidance to the best of my ability. And actually, that's all Allah asks of us. So in
that sense, that's quite a relief as well, because although it would pay in any parent to see their
child, you know, not carry on on the straight path. I think none of us should lose hope, you know,
if Yahoo believes salaam sons could have caused him so much pain, and I only when they became quite
old, they, you know, repented and they came back, we should not lose hope either. But also, you
know, Allah has given us these means if we utilize these means, the means that we're going to be
talking about in this series, then I hope in sha Allah, the likelihood is that inshallah inshallah
		

			our children will be raised as strong believers in sha Allah, I mean, that's the lie that all of us
mothers make. Okay, so let's go into one of the first means, how important is it for us as mothers
and you know, for fathers who are watching to be righteous believers ourselves on Bala if you want
to? I think it's very important because I think one of the things that we discuss a lot in parenting
and in, you know, say, raising children, is that you have to practice what you're trying to preach
to your children. And that is to be a believer, yourself, you know, to have Iman yourself to embody
the acts of iman yourself. And when you focus on that, that Insha Allah, you've kind of met the
		

			prerequisite because when we look into the Quran, like the story of Heather and Musa alayhis, salam,
when they went to rebuild the world span, all these orphans, their wealth was beneath the wall. What
was you know, told to us that what can above Masada, because the parents were righteous, Allah
preserved them and their wealth. And I think sometimes when we discuss in the community when the
courses or when I teach parenting courses, often there is this, you know,
		

			anxiety about our children, you know, them in learning Quran or praying, but then I take it back to
Okay, what about us? Are we actually focused on establishing salah self? are we actually doing
Quran? Or are they seeing us to Quran self because it's one thing as telling it's another thing as
showing children often learn from practical examples. So if you want them to be in a certain way, we
have to embody that and that is the way the officers are trained the young Sahabas in the family
around him, he role modeled what he wanted them to be himself first. But you know, as well as us
being righteous being doing that, because we are role models. The point about this is that
		

			regardless of whether we are with our children or not, if we are righteous ourselves, if our
relationship with Allah is good, even if we die, right, even as in the example of those orphans,
even if we're not with our children, like I just remember my I used to live in Egypt as a student,
my mom, and some sometimes amazing things would happen to make my life easier. And my mom would be
telling me, you know, I was making dua for you, I was thinking of you and I would think maybe
because of the righteousness of my parents, even though I'm not with them. Allah is taking care of
me. And that's the point here
		

			But even if you're if you keep your relationship good with Allah, he's going to protect your
children
		

			as a gift to you, you know, just as Ibrahim Ali Salam, you know, all those years before there's
generations before the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam came, because he was a righteous man because
he made blah because he wanted good for his family alive gave the Prophet Muhammad salallahu Salam
as a gift to his progeny, right? So in other words, you know, these are medic metaphysical means we
often think of the physical means, right? Can I pay for the best school? Can I buy the best
resources, can we go on holiday every year, we think of all these types of material things to make
our children's lives better. But the means that we're going we're discussing are metaphysical,
		

			they're beyond the normal kind of material means they are the means that Allah subhanaw taala has
given us SubhanAllah. I think, you know, this is amazing, like you said that, you know, the story of
feather where the parents had passed away, but the effect that it still had on the children and
their projects upon I think sometimes we focus so much on, you know, the actual children, and we
forget ourselves. And with that, Inshallah, we're gonna go to a break, and we will resume when we
come back. And welcome back to our latest series, raising believers, where we will be discussing
over the next few episodes, some of the ways in which we can raise firm, strong Muslim believers. In
		

			the part, before we were discussing whether or not we can actually raise Muslim strong Muslim
believers, and some of the ways in which we can do that. So we touched upon how important it is for
us as parents to be righteous, and how that affects our children. Moving on from that, one of the
other reasons or other ways in which we can ensure our children are raised appropriately and as
right, just believe it is the vision of the mother and father, but specifically the mother in this
sense. So how important is a vision of the mother and her daughter, for the children Subhan Allah, I
would say, you know, I love I love saying to parents, make family, your finest project. You know,
		

			when we think of a project, if you're a project manager, you have to have a vision, if you don't
have a vision for how this project will end, what you want to see in the world, through your
project, you won't know what to do, you won't have a strategy in place. So I really think it's very
important that families literally sit together. And I've done this myself had a family meeting with
my husband, where we actually wrote a vision for our family, and a mission statement as well. And I
know that sounds a bit corporate to, you know, to some people, but I think what it does is it helps
you as a team, you know, husband and wife to be on the same page. And that's so important, isn't it?
		

			I mean, how many parents their views are the vision is not aligned. And so that causes problems
		

			in the future. So I think vision, somebody having a very clear vision of where you want your family
to go, what are the values that you want your family to be raised on? And then, you know, what is
your ultimate goal, Jana, for that to be articulated and also told to your children and amongst
yourselves, I think it's absolutely essential. Yeah, I think I think is really important. And it's
not I know, you said it sounds corporate, but in all honesty is really not I think, is really
important. And one of the points that I think, that I'd like to touch on is how you said, we should
look at our families as a project and really invest ourselves in our families. How important is
		

			investing yourself as a woman, especially as a mother, I think it's very important because one of
the things that we ask Allah for is to make our family members like the leaders for the believers
isn't what you're aniline with Akina Imam. Now, the best project managers are those who know their
team members skill set, and use those skill set to the advantage. So as a mother, when you see your
child grow, and when you are nurturing your child, you see Allah has blessed that child with certain
skills and talents and qualities. So when you realize that you can teach or you can raise the child
to be best in what the child has been gifted with because every child is unique. Every child is
		

			gifted, and Allah is there which will give gives certain gifts to certain children and the mother if
she's in tune with the child. She can see the gifts early on before any other people see that. So an
example
		

			comes to mind, the mother of Imam Malik, you know, when she saw Imam Malik how he was able to
memorize, you know, as you know, like famously that he wanted to be, you know, a singer. But then
she she said, you don't have the looks of, you know, a singer. So she dissuaded him from this path
to another part. And we know what in my mind it became. But it was the guidance of the mother
		

			to stay him towards his truest potential, you know, because every child has certain qualities,
certain talents, certain gifts, but if those talents are recognized and use to the advantage that
the child can reach his or her potential, and the mother is able to see that, but do you see also
how my mother's mother, because she had a vision, she could see him away from the wrong path, you
know, and steer him towards the right path. And if you're not clear in the first place, you won't
know where to steer that child. Another example is the mother of a mumble hottie. She was the one
who used to take him for the long walk to his teacher, you know, to his Hadith classes. She was the
		

			one who made the art for him, that he would not be blind, right that Allah would restore his sight
to him. We know that the art of the mother and the father, the daughter of the parents is answered,
it's one of the daughters that is answered, And subhanAllah we see in the Quran. There are so many
doors of parents for their children, the dua of Zakariya for his child, the daughter of the mother
of Madame alayhis salam for Maria and as I mentioned the beautiful Rabbana hablan Amin as well Gina
was Maria Tina Kurata Yan was your l&l cleaner II mama. Robin, I haven't done that oh Allah bestow
upon us of from our spouses and our children, our progeny, not just our children, though, even
		

			future progeny, the coolness of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous. When I was reading
the Tafseer of this, da, I wondered, you know, what does it mean coolness of my eyes? Does it just
mean just feel happy? Because of that. The scholars said that coolness of the eyes means that
because you raise them and Allah subhanaw taala makes them righteous. When you see them do acts of
worship in front of you. It makes your heart feel conjoined. Yeah, you know, and that's what you're
asking for in that dua. So, I think the Quran is full of beautiful though ours that we can
		

			make for our children. But there's nothing like the DUA that comes from the heart. So as a mother,
as a father, when you go through those tough times when, you know, if your child is ill, or you have
some, some setback, or something that you're worried about, never feel shy to just talk to Allah
about it, and to beg Allah to guide and protect your child. But going back to the point about
vision, a when you have a child, and you see a child has certain ability, as a mother, as a father,
you wish to encourage that more. So if you see a child, for example, who is really quick in
memorizing certain words, phrases, or nursery rhymes, you think, you know, that child has got very
		

			good talent to memorize Saurus. So what am I going to focus on, there's nothing wrong with
memorizing rhymes. But for a believer, we have to be more like, you know, ambitious, you know, and
we have to be thinking not just for the dunya, we have to be thinking about the accuracy. So when
you recognize that this child has the ability to memorize things quickly, start them on with
memorization of the Quran. It doesn't have to be one, two, from the time they can memorize things,
you know, get them started. And then you can build on build on that. But then you have to think
okay, what do I want for this child to achieve? The child doesn't know because the child is not you
		

			know, you know, McCullough, you as a parent, you can have a vision and that child would buy into
your vision later on because the child is exposed to everything to do with the Quran, memorization.
So that's how we kind of nurtured them towards the way that we think they they need to go because as
parents we are given the trust. So we have to do our best in facilitating that for our children. And
that starts with vision. When you have that vision, you will try to have goals that are in line with
your vision. And I think having a vision as a family unit as well is so important because you can
carry on reminding each other of that vision instead of because sometimes you know we get busy with
		

			day to day life with nursery run school runs and sometimes it's easy to forget that vision and
		

			You know, become so busy so as a you know, a husband and wife, and even, you know, older children
having that, you know, like you said, sit down, and you know, dinner or whatever it is and just
reminding each other of, you know, the vision and purpose is so, so important.
		

			Going back to the door of a mother and father, how important is the dua of a mother and father,
		

			you know, for our children when we spoke about the righteousness of the parent and how because, you
know, a parent is righteous that affects, you know, the children. So, how did that play into that?
		

			Do you know what I think number one is, you know, different stages in my life when I had a very
momentous task to do or difficult journey to embark on. The first form of preparation would be dua,
so things like I remember I had to go on hydrogen, I had to take my son with him and it was just
like one of those genuine people telling me how to stop waiting in line with the, but it was what it
was, and I thought, You know what, I'm gonna actually start with the door. You know, with
memorization, again, you ask Allah for his aid, because without his aid we lost. Similarly, you want
your child to be a believer, you have to make dua, so that Allah helps you and guide you. And I
		

			think dua is one of the primary resource that we need to turn to before we do anything else. Because
unless Allah gives us the Tofig, we are unable from the get go, right? And you're turning to the one
who can actually make a difference. You know what I mean? Like we think of turning to everyone else,
a doctor when we think of turning to teachers, we think of hiring tutors we think of everything
else, right? But actually, the one being who can actually make a difference and make a change is
Allah. So I think, you know, making dua is one of the most powerful means that a parent has to
change the direction of their child's life. In a any final points before we end the show.
		

			I was going to say when you look at the people of the cave before they did anything, they start to
make a door. What was the door button emulating Kurama tawa Hey, Nana mean, I'm Rena Rashida. So you
will find this thing would come again and again in the Quran that the people they would start off
with making dua because that's the first call.
		

			We're talking about raising believers. So I think if you look at the dua of all of the prophets, you
know, and that's something that we've already mentioned, you know,
		

			Robitussin name Okay. Masala Tea woman Maria Tierra banaba Taco Bell dua, dua of Ibrahim alayhi,
salam, you just see that theme running throughout, constantly asking Allah, Oh Allah, make my child
righteous, make my progeny righteous, you're the one who has their hearts in your hand. So
		

			you guide them, it's not me, it's you. And so I think when we put that in Allah's hands and we
recognize that it's actually Allah Who does, guiding
		

			in a way you said to Allah, Allah you do to be out of my child.
		

			That's all we have time for. For this episode. Zack Lockhart, you both for joining us, and I cannot
wait to carry on in the next episode insha Allah Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah.