Edris Khamissa – Bringing Back the Chemistry into Married Life

			Salam aleikum. I'm your host Muhammad noodle dilemma. And with me to discuss how to bring back
electricity and chemistry into married life is our dear shake brother, consultant and daddy in
subjects to do with personal development, self improvement, family growth, Islamic education and the
upliftment of Muslims as a whole, our dear brother from South Africa.
		

			The question I'd like you to help us with this time, is, when couples find that the chemistry in
their relationship, the electricity in their relationship seems to be dying out, things are getting
bland,
		

			what would be your suggestions regarding how to improve their feelings, positive feelings towards
each other, and make themselves happier in those relationships? You see, one of the things that I
found that we very seldom do is celebrate our relationship.
		

			I talked about myself, we have a public persona, people say, Oh, what a wonderful guy you are. And
my wife says, in a Mama, I'm staying with him, I know him, you know. So we have that. So as a
result, what happens is this, we must regard every interaction with your spouse and new interaction,
we must not be predictable. And you find that sometimes when couples when they do get married, they
are in the same plane spiritually, emotionally, everything. And suddenly you find one person
outgrows, the other, intellectually and spiritually, and you find the isn't the same kind of
stimulation of the art and in the mind. So the first thing I say, Do not be predictable. The second
		

			important thing is this is to open the doors of communication.
		

			In other words, you rather do a biopsy rather than an autopsy. And every day you talk about your
feelings, where your partner tells you what she likes, she loves it, when you do this, she loves it
when you do that, and so on and so forth. You have that discussion. So, this is not just talking
about your day, no, talking about your feelings, feelings, very important. Because in any marital
relationship, you know, if you are not able to express your feelings, you know, and you are afraid
to express your feelings. This is a real problem in that relationship. Sometimes we can be so
shamanistic, right? We come back yet I you want to serve us class, it's over. Right? And that's a
		

			problem. that communication is very, very critical. The third is a critical aspect is this. You
know, I really believe in life. Yes, there is no true Jannah on this earth. But it doesn't mean your
home has to be held on this earth. I mean, when I look back, and it's anecdotal, I know, but it's my
own life. I'm married now for 30 odd years, right? These are the best years of my life. I was
speaking the other day to shake Lima. And he was telling me about his wonderful wife, shaker,
Ayesha. And he said, you know, Bradley, please, she and I met for 45 years, not once did we have a
hostile word. And that is rare, unique. It reflects the majority, it reflects that the true about
		

			the image of what governments don't do each other, protecting each other, being there for each
other, beauty find each other. That's a beautiful thing. Now, as you grow older, you find the
different priorities in your life. It's about emotional togetherness. It's about aesthetic
togetherness, enjoying beautiful things together. It's about crisis. togetherness, when you are when
you're looking at crisis together is operational togetherness when you are dealing with day to day
issues together, and that is so fundamental, is about taking it to another level. Like to end it
off. I tell my wife and I tell people, when you get married, basically, the two things must take
		

			place. Firstly, you adjusting to the institution of marriage. And the other thing, you adjusting to
the individual, and I tell my wife, if she's not going to help me to attain eternal bliss, the
what's the use of my marriage to you? So I think there are practical things that need to be done.
And I've come across Also, many people who come to me for help, would tell me my feelings are dead.
I say give me a chance. Because people know me in South Africa, as a doctor of love, and doctrine of
love. And I guide them, in many of them, not all of them. Many of them find that the relationship is
on another level. You start putting in less the Plus, we need to look at the wound.
		

			We need to look at what causes wounds and we say we are yet to heal.
		

			So celebrate marriage, communicate feelings, and do as much as you can together and more importantly
to help each other reach the hereafter safely. Thank you very much, Sheldon. Until next time,