Edris Khamissa – Advice to Parents

			Salam aleikum. My name is Nora dilemma. I'm your host and With us to discuss on the role of parents,
particularly in this rapidly changing society where we don't know a lot about the Friends of our
children, we would like to get advice for what parents should be what would be the three most
important pieces of precious advice. Our shake, it reads Tommy's, who's a counselor is a coach and
consultant in personal development, organizational growth and Islamic education from South Africa.
So I'd like to start
		

			camisa, what would be the three most precious pieces of advice you would give to parents who are
facing challenges with their children? You know, I thank you so much for the question. Because
today, I find also huge hierarchies between parents and the children is almost two different worlds,
the wall of anxiety of parents and almost the Disney wall of children, a wall of fantasy, the cyber
bubble, the virtual world, I would say the first important and fundamental thing is parents need to
connect with the child emotionally, that children need to feel the love of the parents, children
need to know that my father, my mother, they love me, they tell me this because they care for me.
		

			And you, when children understand that, then what happens? The father and mother, in the sense
becomes almost like the externalized conscience. It's a reminder to them of what the purpose in
their life is, when I speak to many a youth and I asked them this question, well last in your heart,
your father and your mother, many of them cannot remember. And as a result, no matter what you do,
it's not so much giving your children things, but doing things with them. So the first one to
connect with them emotionally. The second one is to get involved activities with your children, so
that they get to know you. It is said I came across a story. When one father said or other one son
		

			said that I had over 10,000, breakfasts my father, I cannot remember any one of those experiences is
almost like mechanic collected zombies sitting there. Not connecting, there is no emotional
connection, no spiritual connection. So the first is emotional. The second is to do things with your
children, play with them, because it is safe in your home, where family plays together,
		

			prays together and eats together, stays together. Very important. So if we can do that make a huge
difference. The third important aspect is this. Communication is the recurring theme. When your
child can come up to you, your son comes up to you and tells you daddy, this is what I've been
through in life. What this is my challenge I face is refuse sermonizing and lecturing team allowing
to speak what's in his heart, because a psychologist said, revealing is he because if you're not
going to listen to them, if you're going to chastise them, then they'll go outside to someone else
who's not really concerned about his wholesome development, who may have an insidious intention. So
		

			it's very, very important that we create the environment where children can express their feelings
when they can celebrate with each other. And that is very, very fundamental. So what you're saying
is, firstly, connect emotionally with the children show feelings, and let them know you care. do
things with the children so that they see various sides of you and understand you better and vice
versa. And the third one is to create an enabling environment, a safe space, where children feel
safe enough to express sincerely how they feel. So that at least I guess, you have a pulse on the
temperature and you know, how things are going on? In fact, you know, just to add this, when I
		

			conduct workshops throughout the world, when I talk to the youth and I asked them, What would you do
differently as a father, what would you do differently as a mother, and they tell me the same two
things throughout. They say, I would love my child more. And I'll communicate more with my child.
And they say communicate anonymously sing the father speaking. Communication also means sometimes we
listen with empathy to our children. And if we can do that, it is excellent. I have no doubt. In
such a home, there'll be harmony. In such a home, you find there will be togetherness in such a
home. There will be a cohesive, coherent family.
		

			just such a character of power.
		

			And would itself be exemplary for such as absolutely because as they say, nurudeen an apple doesn't
fall too far from the tree.
		

			Excellent. Thank you very much, Michelle. Until next time. Thank you brother Idris camisa Salaam
Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh