The Deen Show – Muslim Girl Meets Guy On Instagram

			Salam aleikum greetings of peace back with us on the D show sister Holly, how are you doing? I'm
doing great and hamdulillah Salaam Alaikum alaikum Salam ruffcut Peace and blessings of the Almighty
be upon you. This is such a powerful greeting every time I say it. I mean for the not yet Muslims
who are out there.
		

			Just in our greeting? I mean, how powerful is that? What people go around wishing other people
peace, those who call themselves Muslims, it is definitely a way of letting the other person know
you want what's best for them. And that is the the Hadith of the Prophet that is so powerful. And if
we just implement this alone, is that want for your brother, what you want for yourself, so you want
peace within? Then you want the others to have that peace as well. And that's what everyone is
searching for. Right? That peace and the happiness? Absolutely. What do you say to those people?
When you we have the greeting of peace, but on the other end people are trying to make the Muslims
		

			seem like with all this fear mongering that we're people of war, you know, Islam, it's not the
Muslims, they'll say, but it's Islam that radicalizes the Muslims. That's why we have all this havoc
in the earth. Why would say look at you know, we're 1.6 billion people, if we had that belief, there
would be a lot more havoc, right. But no, and hamdulillah We are, we are focused on building and
constructing and improving. If there is just a like a point, I don't know, how many percent? What is
it that who do things like like 0.003%? Okay, thank you for having the percentage. I'm glad I asked.
So those individuals doing those things, we cannot categorize everyone as as doing that. Tell me
		

			that. You see that psychology? This is your specialty clinical psychologist with 20 years
experience? Yes. What motivated you to get into psychology? Well, it's interesting you ask because
20 it was about 25 years ago when I got into it. And there was no one in there as far as Muslims
practicing Muslims. And many people tried to discourage me from going into it. But it was a passion
of mine, because I was really motivated by the two hats one that says that the and I'm summarizing
that the best amongst you as the one who removes the difficulties for from others. And the one who
removes obstacles from others, Allah will remove obstacles for them on the Day of Judgment, and I'm
		

			paraphrasing. And I think these two things was a great motivator.
		

			I always like the that fulfillment to be able to change someone's life. And I think really through
therapy, it is life altering, it is transformative. And so that's why I got into it. Has it been
rewarding? It's been amazingly, I can't imagine doing anything else. Because I spend sometimes 1012
hours a day working and because it's a combination of psychology and Islam, I get people back on
track and, and so it is the two things I love. So I can't imagine doing anything else. And let's see
if you can give us some tips now from the from the psychological point from your expertise, how we
can implement that in the dour in advising people, a sister, she talks about losing sheep, what she
		

			feels her sister, when her sister was paraphrasing the story when her sister was and this you see
this a lot when people are going to conventions or two talks to get motivated. zealous? Yes, I know
they're they're just glowing, they're less grimy. They're just but now they go back to the her
sister goes back to her old friends, who are you know about party and play drinking and all these
other stuff. Now her sister ends up leaving town to go because she wants to explore, and her parents
are worried. And now five years in the making, she met some boy on Instagram. And you know where
that goes nice. It's my it seems like a land of no return. She's depressed, not like she was before
		

			when she was around people who are trying to really live purpose. How to use the psychology maybe to
bring help bring someone back. Right, right. Well, I hear cases like this on a daily basis, right?
Do youth Yes, youth that have gone astray. And there are several, several ways that we can reach out
to them. First of all, we cannot shunda just because they've made a mistake. A lot of parents will
take this hard core approach and say, you know, you made this mistake and they abandon them. And
this is the time they need help the most. So we definitely don't want to abandon we want to still
show that you know the door of repentance is always open. And I think one of the best ways is, is to
		

			just be in their life, to show that love and to show the beauty of Islam through our character not
through preaching. They're enough
		

			People going around and trying to preach to their family members, and correcting and judging. So we
really have to put the judgment aside, I'm not here to judge you, I care for you, I, I love you, and
I want what's best for you. And so when you show, and you come from a position of humility and
compassion, rather than I am telling you what to do, you're doing the wrong thing. This is all Hi,
Rob, and you become the heroin police. When you do that you push someone completely away. So it's
about bringing up Miss showing no judgement, accepting them spending time with them, and hopefully
through your, your behavior, you can affect them, it's not an instant change, it might take time,
		

			but it's much more effective than coming in and trying to straighten them out.
		

			This would you it's, it's a little bit, that's the the environment and really has a big influence
over the youth and right and who your friends are, by. I mean, I know the biggest impact for me was,
you know, in, in college, going to the MSA Muslim Student Association, having good Muslim friends
and, and a lot of conference who were dedicating their life to the dean that really impacted me, and
I'll have the love for that. Now, if you have a person, I've seen young girls, maybe in 19, having
one bad friend, and just took her down the wrong road. I mean, you can imagine the things she got
involved with drugs and being with a man who's at least like 19 years older than her and just just
		

			destroying her life. So we really have to be selective. And that's why the Prophet sallallahu Sallam
said, Be very selective in who your friends are, because your friends are a mirror of you. And so we
definitely, and tell me who your friends are. And I'll tell you who you are. So we have to be very
selective in who we choose to spend our time with. Birds of a feather flock together. There's so
many say, friends, or like elevators, either taking you up or down, we don't want to, we want to go
up to We'll be right back with more. The psychology in the Dow give me some great advice, might have
a family member went off a little bit, we're going to try to get him back with some love will grow
		

			back, don't go anywhere. So it's not like anything else. really experienced from you know, your
uncle, Sonny, or, you know, through that WhatsApp noise. It's given me so much clarity, it's like,
it's like, it's like a crystal, it's like, it's like a gem, these kind of things that you know, that
will bring this kind of lightning to your head. Not not just to your head, but to your heart. And
that kind of like, just like people talking to me, they've they've noticed that like, you know, even
their personalities have changed. And they're, you know, it's all
		

			a lot of stuff that I've learned from the show. So 100 Thank you, Eddie, I thank you, not just me,
my family. Thanks, you too. So
		

			that's a no brainer, that's a no brainer. It brought me from from from basic Anjali things I should
have exposed, but it brought me from from darkness to light.
		

			I got
		

			this, I got to memorize a lot of to answer this, you know, all these, you know, those are the star
guests that you have in mind. They just have a whole bunch of different guests in and like, you
know, they're featured on the show. And by the way they talk you kind of want to research them and
how you know and learn, you know, the deeds through their eyes. And then under the law, like it's
there's really no end to the wisdom that's that's been on this show. watch the show. I've been
watching it for about three, four years now. And I love it. I got my brother's hooked on it. I got
my wife was on it. So watch, watch the show, back here on the dean show.
		

			An expert in psychology, clinical psychology. So we can definitely benefit from your experiences now
the sister of whose sister, the sister trying to get her back. You had a chance if you had a chance
to sit with her. And she says, look, what's the problem? I mean, I love him. Right? And a lot of
times people confuse love with lust and whatnot. Sure. How do you reason with someone here? Because
it can be blinding. Right? Right, right? Well, I've had situations like this, and it's really trying
to get them to recognize to look not just right here, you know, looking at the delayed
gratification, not the instant gratification a lot of times in the society we're living in, it's all
		

			about instant gratification. I want to feel good, I want to feel good right now. But then you think
about the delayed gratification. The idea of when you control your desires of the fact that you
strive towards gender. So it's about asking that person look 510 years down the line. And is this
the kind of life you want to have and as they start thinking along those lines, and they realize
that this is not in their best interest and it's really important that that person wants to be
changed. So now the the sister she's talking about her
		

			sister and she says, Look, it's the friends when again going back when she's arrived us there's
there's science behind this because if you're doing something thing something so many times and
you've seen the same result with so many different people that okay you do the prayer do the for
you, it's like exercise, you're exercising the soul, the heart, it produces, it takes like the gym
is not easy, you have to tear the muscle, yes, strenuous on the body, good results. Same thing with
the prayer with the fat, with good company, look, you staying away from these things that are
harmful for us good results. But sometimes, you know, you it's not easy, it's not easy, not easy.
		

			And we have a great affinity for those things that are that are attempting, right. And as soon as we
are surrounded by people who are doing those things, then then it really affects our what is
acceptable and what is not. And that's why we should be very selective. And then surrounding
yourself people who are motivated, who are driven, that is just a way of refueling yourself, we need
to be we need to strengthen each other. Because sometimes people get frustrated from the people at
the question, right? You have the Oh, that sister is judgmental, that sister is you know, too
dogmatic. That brother is too controlling whatever it is, and they start isolating themselves,
		

			because they don't want to interact with them. And that is that is really dangerous. We need to stay
connected. We need to overlook each other's flaws. Because we all have them. We all have our
shortcomings. And it's just a matter of being motivated and getting the best that we can from
whoever that we can derive that. That motivation from how would you advise when you see that now the
sister or the brother, either one either or the brothers around these friends and every time you
it's like you have the hardest is is so sensitive, and when you attach it to something bad? How do
you disconnect that? Now the friends, right? This person is around these friend every time they get
		

			around these friends? It's either the joint is the nightclubs. Yes, it's a it's something bad? How
do you get them to finally like, let go break away? Yes. Well, I had a client actually that God got
addicted to marijuana. And it was all about the the the friends. And I think once he recognized how
this hurt his parents, this was one of the things that really woke him up. And I think those
individuals who have a close connection with their parents, that's why As parents, we really need to
invest in spending time with our kids and, and making them love and trust us that way. It's
something that the child will will cherish and not want to lose, right. So this young man, when he
		

			saw that he was hurting his parents, that was the thing that will come up. And he really realized
that he needs to distance himself. So sometimes it's about hitting rock bottom, sometimes it's being
imprisoned, sometimes it's about really seeing their friends and what where they're ending up, which
wakes them up and realizes that I don't want to follow this path. And and we just need to be there
for them to just to show that, you know, we have an open door policy within the massages, we really
cannot be judgmental of a person who's coming in. And one of the most effective forms of changing
someone is by not being judgmental, you know, sometimes I have a client come in. And what they share
		

			with me is just is mind boggling. But I have to really work on my heart and make sure that I don't
have an ounce of judgment, an ounce of judgment. And that's when I can be effective because as soon
as you're trying to give advice and you feel like you're better than someone and you're superior to
them, then that's going to shut them down. So we have to make sure that we come in with a real sense
of that, that sense of compassion, rather than going in and reciting just versus telling them
telling them what they're doing wrong and how it's all haraam but just trying to pull them in by
that the love of Allah, not the fear of Allah. So would you say is it correct me if I'm wrong? So
		

			are you suggesting or saying that when you're giving this advice, where it's truly coming from the
heart Yeah, that the person sees that you really have sincere love for them and you want to change
not you're not coming off in quoting some just be all now you know, to show that yes, I'm superior
and you're just like right bound for the hellfire. And exactly, I find that the more knowledge
people attain, unfortunately, I'm seeing it correlate with more pride. It's this feeling of I know
more, I'm better than you. And they start correcting as a way of saying, you know, this is because
I'm, I'm better and I know this. And that's not the characteristic of the prophets. Allah, Allah. So
		

			Allah, the more we know, the more we should become humble, and the more we should really be
understanding, I think what was very effective I
		

			I was doing Holocaust in Egypt, and also in Dubai. And, and I found a lot of people who are coming
to the * up as these were the people. This is the 99%. You know, there's that 1%, who they're
already practicing, they go to the mosque, they're already reading, they're gone. And then they go
to the mosque just to get a little bit of motivation. I like to, I'd like to motivate that 99% who
may not even want to step into a MOS, those individuals who've,
		

			who may have gone totally astray. But it's a matter of feeling that you know what, it's okay. You
can always start over, you can always straighten your life out. And those are the people's head as
soon as they sense that they're llamada here, if they you know, the 99 you're talking about? Yeah,
soon as maybe you come hard on them. Oh, absolutely. Like, right out. Exactly. It's very
interesting, because when I was a friend of mine was hosting a this halaqaat this class in her home.
And the first thing they did, they all came and they were asking me about the halal and haram and
you know what I used a lot of psychology, I said, I'm not going to even address that we have bigger
		

			issues to address, talked about happiness, talked about things that appeal to that. And once you win
the heart, you have to say words that penetrates the heart, not things you don't want to tip them
over the bridge, right? Because a lot of times with all this hot ramen, what you're doing is wrong.
And this we're restricted here, that person feels so suffocated, you have to show the beauty of it
and you got to put a little taste of like that honey, the honey, the sweetness of eemaan and put
that about Islam and make them want more. Because what a lot of parents do, unfortunately, when
there is a religious household, they shove it down their throat. Now imagine what is your favorite
		

			all time favorite food. Of all time favorite food, I've people are probably gonna just probably get
thrown off by this. It's something I hated, but I love it because of the it's the most nutrient
dense food. Okay, I hate it taught myself to love it. Now I rejected my taste buds. It's liver,
liver, and I like liver liver is good. It's very new to say at
		

			the most bang for your buck. Yes, and it helps with anemia. So but imagine you love it so much as
prepared so nice. But what if someone is shoving it down your throat? Right? No matter how much you
love that food, you're gonna be repulsed by it, because it's being forced, right. And sometimes we
do that with Islam, where we're pushing it and we're forcing it. So like,
		

			I wanted to say that I've benefited greatly from the deen show. It's definitely a good reference for
a lot of the new Muslims that I meet. And for myself, you know, just the type of issues that you
deal with. They're very relevant. And you focus on a lot of things that people have questions about.
And I think that's a great service to the Muslims. And you bring on a lot of unique guests that have
expertise in different fields. And that really allows for that knowledge to we have access to that
knowledge as Muslims, you know, because a lot of times, we don't know where to go for a lot of
questions. We have Abdullah, we can come to the show. So sorry about that. I appreciate the work you
		

			do. And may Allah bless the deen show. And that one general watch of the deen show, make sure you
watch the show last detail