Bilal Assad – Istikhara – Are there any signs

			Now let's talk about
		

			the is the harder. This is for some older people, I always get asked the question, even today I got
it. This is probably the most that I get questions about relationships and family, married couples,
divorce couples, people having problems, people are ready to get married. Today we're going to talk
about those who want to get married. And once you want to get married, obviously, it is a little bit
scary when you think about lifelong relationship because the person you choose,
		

			they're with you. They're stuck with you, and you're stuck with them, you're going to have to make
it work, that choice is it
		

			and it will affect every part of your life. That is true.
		

			However, there is an hamdulillah a beauty to it. If you follow the right pathways in Shell Annabeth
pathway, this pathway is to follow the pathway of allah God who made you we have an hamdulillah the
Quran ready for us and we have the statements of our profits and our Prophet Mohammed Salah Salem,
so intricately and detailed right to even what he used to do with his wife inside the house. She
used to describe how he was as a husband. So we have so much detail we have even how many white
hairs the prophets Allah Salam had in his beard, literally we counted them and we know everything
about so we have so much information and guidance as a basis to which way to go about it. So let's
		

			talk about the SD Hara. A lot of people say I made an SD Hara should I do I have to have a feeling?
Am I meant to see a dream? Is there a sign? Just today someone asked me. i She said I got interested
in a brother, a family member. And after a long time, and I made this the harder I asked him, or I
sent someone to ask him and he said, No, I'm not interested. She said, is that a sign? I said
absolutely. Absolutely. This is he doesn't want you.
		

			There's no there's no you know, magical thing about it.
		

			So my brothers and sisters, someone else, they approached me and said, and this is a cultural
tradition, I'm going to talk about some really wrong things that people do sometimes culture
sometimes you tell elders who get it wrong and stuff it up for the young people, they make it very
hard for them. One of the things about as the harder that is so false and wrong, his when the they
say you have to get your father or your grandfather or a shear or an imam to do that is the harder
for you because they're more holy, they're more religious. So they'll do this the harder for you.
And then they'll tell you what dream they had. And the dream will tell them if you should go ahead
		

			or not. This is the most misleading thing I've ever heard in my life. It contradicts all the
teachings of Islam there is nothing in the Quran or Sunnah of the entire Hadith. You search it and I
challenge anyone to find it. A text with the Quran or the prophesy said I'm told us that's how this
the Hara is done. It's the Hara is a prayer. You pray to it. Because then you ask Allah DUA and
solid you don't go in and say to somebody, Hey, you know, I just came into the mosque, can you
please do that the head of the masjid for me, I'll just sit on the corner over there. You don't say
that to people saw that. And dua is yours. The proper way to do it is that you have to do because
		

			you're the one who's meaning it. It's coming out from your heart. You're the one who wants Allah to
help you. Right? No one else. So it's not from the Sunnah. It's not from Islam, that someone else
does this the harder for you. I don't know where people got this from, I don't know what
justifications they had. I'm not saying it's haram. I'm just saying it's not the right way. And
you're going to be misled that way. I've had these situations, a lot of people come. So I'm not
going to say one person, many that come to me and say, Well, my grandfather said he is going to do
this the harder for me, a brother asked for me, for example, or a sister asked for me. And you got
		

			the grandfather, for example, the father or an uncle who has gone on a very different tangent of
Islam in a very spiritual one. That's, you know, the type of spirituality where they're detached
from what reality of life really is. You know, some people take Islam as something so spiritual that
is completely detached from real life. It's almost a fantasy. That's not how Islam is. Slam is
practical. So the grandfather went or the father I don't know who they made us the harder they saw a
dream. It was a bad dream. Maybe the shaitan came to them. I don't know. They said you're not
allowed to marry this guy. But he's a good guy. He's a religious guy. He's a good good character. He
		

			has a job. He has an income. He's known to be trustworthy. He's known to be honest. Everybody talks
well about he's got a good reputation at school. He's got a good family. Nope, the dream. They base
it on the dream. Brothers and sisters. There are so many stories like this. Sometimes they say I
made an ST Hara. And I really want this person. So why did you do this the harder this the harder is
asking Allah for advice and guiding you. Someone said can I say the first part of this the harder
not the second part because this is how this the harder goes. But I saw the Prophet SAW
		

			Allah they were Salam said, if any of you has decided to take a step towards a particular endeavor,
anything in life, you have made the decision and you want to go ahead. Before you go ahead, pray to
rock house and say that it's the hara this the Hora sounds like this, Oh Allah, I seek your counsel
for you know, I do not know, you, you have the cada you are the one who wills I cannot will. You are
the old now of everything, Oh Allah, if this is good for me in my religion, my well being and
worldly affairs and my hereafter, then grant it to me and grant me to it and bless it for us. And if
it is bad for me, for my religion, my worldly affairs and well being and for my hereafter, then keep
		

			it away from me and me away from it, and guide me to where it is better and make me accept it. Now
someone said to me, can I say the first part? If it is good for me bring it and me to it, but not
the second part. I said, Well, that's not as the heart are you asking Allah to make it work for you.
There's nowhere where it says that that is the Hara. The condition is the heart is that you have to
have an open heart that you feel good all the way or that you have to have a dream. There's nothing
like that. But also Salah said I've said once you have made your decision now listen carefully, it
says for either hum or Hadoken either as a huddlecam the hadith is in Buhari if one of you has
		

			decided.
		

			What does that mean? One of you has decided meaning you have gone researched, investigated, asked
about them, met them. Or sorry, even before meeting them, let's say on a Mr. Make us the harder to
go and meet them for marriage. You go and ask about them. You find out if they even want to get
married. You research about him. You ask families he asked friends look at their social media page.
After you've done all that research. Then you make the istikhara before going over, then after you
meet them and talk to them and you investigate a second. The second step after all that you use, you
use your logic you use your rationale. You study you investigate you think about what you want you
		

			ask the questions, you study the topics, then before the next major step make a decision to get
married, making this the harder.
		

			Why? Because there's two parts to making a decision. Number one is the normal practical logical
rationale of how things work. Get to know the person for crying out loud, do all the proper stuff.
take advice from experts from your parents do all that stuff. Know what you want? Ask the right
questions. We talked about that last week. That's for the now you want to get married now the
investigation for the now. So what is this the harder for the is the harder is for the lighter? This
the hardest for the future? We know what's happening now but we're not we don't know what where it
will go in the future. So we make this the harder for the unknown future not for the now. As for the
		

			now investigate makers declara. And our LMS said there are some signs to this the harder but don't
use them specifically don't rely on one or two. Don't say I made a mistake harder and that night you
saw a dream. You saw snakes and dogs. Is he good for me? Say no that's the shaytaan the shaitan is
telling you don't take him because probably good so but that's the hardest. So this is nothing that
says you have to see a dream after this the horror dreams in general come in three forms in general
not attached to this the Hora just in general. Number one there are the conversations you have with
your conscience the things you think about in the day when you go to sleep your brain and you talk
		

			to each other.
		

			That's the majority of dreams. The majority of us the second type of dream or nightmares that come
from the shaytaan there the dogs and the cats and the scary monsters and the snakes and I don't know
what and the night terrors and
		

			sleep paralysis all this come from the shaytaan they don't harm you they just scare you a little bit
you wake up a little bit terrified recite a little Chrissy turn to the other side say Bismillah ano
Bok insha Allah The third type of dreams are the ones from Allah subhanaw taala they are difficult
to see properly sometimes they're mixed with other things. So you got to ask the L the shaker an
imam or a scholar or somebody you know who's knowledgeable a little bit who can kind of give you
some advice. You don't just go and determine it yourself. That's not attached to the istikhara it
could be but it's not. No is it that you're gonna say Oh, I feel so good habibi. When the sun comes
		

			out. I feel good. Some people they they're not thinking about I've seen this before. They're not
thinking about some but it was a nice day.
		

			And they fall in love. It's not because the girl or the boy is good is because the sun was out
because the weather was nice. You had euphoria. The hormones came out they're happy for serotonin
and dopamine.
		

			Write it you got to distinguish between psychological or hormonal reactions, bit of adrenaline and
use your brain to sit down, write it down what questions what's important in my marriage? What's
important in my life? Let's look at my family. What kind of a family would suit that I'd be part of
imagine myself in 10 years time and not have children, how would my life be? Then go and talk? Do I
work? What would I like her to be? How would I like him to be what would matter to me what would
make me stop getting into this marriage? That's how you think logically and rationally, then there's
the harder comes later for the future. So that Allah can be there for you, and open the pathway for
		

			you. Sometimes you may see ease, doors opening, opening, opening, that's a good sign. Sometimes you
won't feel anything at all. Sometimes you won't feel anything at all. I tell you keep going.
Sometimes you may feel a little bit up and down, maybe maybe not. It doesn't matter. Keep going. If
it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen. hamdulillah you'll know in the end, you will feel it
in the end. Just by the way, cause and effect is that man is getting too hard. Father is getting
really stubborn. The girl is having thoughts up and down. One minute we're together next minute
we're not. I've seen so many red flags. So try to understand what your feelings are and what your
		

			brain is telling you. It's very, very important. So brothers sisters, with the advice and support a
family and elderly is insha Allah and by praying to Allah and making dua, you cannot go wrong.
Brothers and sisters, and your investigation and research, brothers and sisters, therefore now we
understand what the is the horror is.
		

			Okay, it's for the future. For now. Make your research investigate, do all the things you have to do
		

			and make a decision. There's nothing perfect you're never going to have a perfect wife or husband
ever. And you're still gonna have your ups and downs. Don't blame on this. taharah No. But Allah
will be there for you in thick and thin. You just do what's right by what he told you. And the rest
of it rely on Allah subhanaw taala and keep going. Alright, brothers and sisters. That's the best
thing in sha Allah.