Bilal Assad – Dear Parents

			Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Dear parents, our children are a trust from ALLAH SubhanA
wa Tala. And they don't belong to us, they belong to Allah. And Allah subhanaw taala. When he gifted
them to us, it means that he will ask us about how we raised them and how we treated them.
		

			A lot of the parents complain that they're not able to have a meaningful and healthy relationship
with their own children. And unfortunately, I have a lot of young people who complain to me that
their parents mistreat them, don't listen to them, even abused them, call them names, and even
worse, use religious texts for their own personal gain. Brothers and sisters, you know, our
children, see their mum and dad as their identity. They look at father, as half of them and the
mother is the other half. If they look at the Father, for example, and see that he is oppressive and
corrupt, then they start hating that side of them.
		

			If the mother is the same like that, they hate the other side of them. If both of them are like
that, the child begins to hate themselves. You won't see it at a very young age. But as they get
older, they just want they go silent. They lock themselves, they just want to escape, because they
want to find a new identity. They don't want to be known and attached to the identity of their mom
and dad, brother and sisters. This is a psychological thing. And the Prophet sallallahu sallam was
very sensitive about that. That's why he was merciful and compassionate to all the children. And we
see a good example in Hassan Al Hussein, his grandchildren, he was sitting down once, when a Bedouin
		

			man entered with his children, the prophesy Selim kissed al Hassan Al Hussein and showed them
compassion. And as if they were everything in the world, the better one said the rasool Allah, I
have 10 children will lie, I've never kissed one of them or hugged any of them. The Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam put on a straight face and said to him, he is not one of us, whoever
does not give mercy. My brothers and sisters, those children that we have, they want their parents
to listen to them. Take it from me, as a teacher and a counselor. A lot of the young people say, I
just want my parents to listen to what I'm saying. I just want my parents to listen to what my
		

			thoughts are, to my expressions to my feelings, give me some time. But the parents, I don't know
what happens. Some of them, they get afraid. Some of them, they feel that they're going to lose
control, maybe some of them, they take on the responsibility so much that because of their fears,
they don't realize that they actually end up abusing their children. You know, brothers, sisters,
whatever you call someone over and over again, they're going to become that person. So if a parent
calls, for example, the child and animal they're gonna grow up to act like animals. The proper peace
be upon him also told us be good to your children, and they will be good to you. So Ron says the
		

			humans like you, as they get older, and they become teenagers, give them some privacy, and give them
some respect as they give you. Brothers and sisters, you know, when we talk to our children, and we
just give them an ear to listen to them, even if we disagree with them. There's nothing wrong with
that you are actually building a relationship. What is a relationship? It is basically memories,
what kind of memories do you want to have with your children. And here is a very good hint. Anytime
you meet with them, and you're with them, talk about their interests, show them that you are
interested in their interest, read about it, go and help them go to the events that they are
		

			interested in. They might like horse riding, they might like fishing, they might like swimming, they
might like they might like soccer or footy or whatever it is that they like, even sewing or anything
like that. Go with them and show interest. Even if you're not interested in it. I promise you, they
will love you for life. Brothers and sisters also talk with them on an emotional level. Why don't
you talk about your life, talk about your childhood, talk about your feelings sometimes. You know
what, even as the Prophet Ibrahim alayhis salam did with his own son, you know the story when he saw
the dream of him slaughtering his son, he went to him and said, Oh, son, I see my dream this and
		

			that. What do you think? He talked to his son as if his son was an adult giving his father advice.
		

			Brothers and sisters, this type of a relationship increases the memories between you. Very
important. We also want to say children may not obey us all the time, but they never fail to imitate
us. So they will look at their mum and dad. And as they grow up, they'll remember how did my mum and
dad treat each other and that's how they're going to start treating their spouses. So if you
conflict in front of them, that's okay sometimes, but make sure that you reconcile in front of them
to show them that this is how we reconcile and stay together. As for the single parents, it becomes
a little bit more challenging. We understand emotional baggage is left behind, sometimes grief. What
		

			we have to be careful about is to remember that our children, they love both their mum and dad.
Sometimes there is an absent parent as well. Our children
		

			They long for their parents. And if we cannot give them what they need, we do what we can. If we
cannot solve the whole problem, we can minimize the problem. One thing, again, for a single parent
to do, is to show that they are there for their children all the way. And very importantly, never
talked badly about the other parent. Secondly, if there is any opportunity to connect them with
them, help it and support it. No matter what your feelings are, no matter what's happened between
the husband and the wife who have left each other. Remember, that it's still not over between your
relationship and your children. When you help them have a relationship with both parents, they will
		

			love you more, it's better than for them to resent it and keep it inside and to show as they grow
older. And again, I repeat, they don't always obey us, but they will never fail to imitate us. Now,
when you've done everything, right, and you've done everything in your power, some children
Subhanallah it just seems to all go wrong. In this case, Allah says, Learn you can live for long
enough sin it was
		

			lung cancer that while a test that Allah says in surah baqarah. Allah does not burden any soul with
a responsibility and an obligation more than what they can handle. They will receive that which they
put the effort towards for them. And the things that they do wrong will be against them. So do what
you can. Sometimes our children go out of hand, my advice to you is always try and keep a string
attached between you and them as much as you can, because one day they might change. And I will say,
Okay, I still have a connection with my mum or dad or with my parents. And remember, no Holly has
Salam. He didn't give up on his son, even when the waves had to come between them. He kept talking
		

			to his son while he's on the ark until the wave came and took his son away from him. And even after
that, he felt grief. And he had to ask Allah Oh my Lord, He is one of my family. But Allah told him,
Oh, no, he has completely lost his way in his corrupt so you can only do what you can brothers and
sisters, and don't burden yourself too much. It's not your entire responsibility. Some of it is upon
the child as well especially as they grow older. Male last pinata Isla keep our children in the
straight path. May Allah Subhana Allah keep away bad company from them. And may Allah help us and
assist us as parents to do the right thing. And remember, if you've done anything wrong to your
		

			children, sit down and say I apologize. Say I'm sorry, say I did wrong, son. I did wrong, Dora.
		

			It'll go such a long way was salam aleikum wa rahmatullah