Bilal Assad – Character #08 Cultivating Respect
AI: Summary ©
The concept of backbiting is discussed, which can destroy relationships and friendships. It is noted that backbiting can happen in a negative way, and people should avoid it and not talk about abnormal features until they have a better understanding of the situation. The importance of being cautious and confidential is emphasized, along with advice on fixing mistakes before they become a permanent habit.
AI: Summary ©
In our series, our miniseries
about the beautiful verses in Surat Al Hujurat,
I've spoken about
a few verses
about the character building of a Muslim, which
you cannot live without.
Faith and belief is not enough without practicing
based on those faith and belief. And we
have reached the
last
verse of Surat Al Hujurat.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says,
wala yaduta baadukum
baadahayuhibbuahadukum
ayaqulahlaahmaaqheehi
matean
So Allah
says, and do not backbite or gossip about
one another.
Would one of you like to eat the
flesh
of his brother or sister
while they're dead from their corpse?
Oh, no. Allah says,
that's an abomination. You wouldn't like that.
So fear Allah, he says,
and Allah
is forgiving
and merciful.
Backbiting
is something which everybody dislikes,
everybody hates.
Nobody likes being backbitten.
In fact, anyone who merely hears
even a hint
that someone had said something
even a little bit
wrong or bad behind their back, even if
it's true,
it destroys
relationships big time.
Allah
tells us that this is so abhorred because
if somebody saw a dead corpse on the
floor, they wouldn't eat from its flesh. That's
how bad backbiting
someone is. And it's interesting how Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala he
makes a parable, a comparison between backbiting and
eating the flesh of a person. That's how
bad it is. It is stinky. It is
bad. It's corruption, and it destroys all relationships.
Of course,
not only the person who backbites,
but also the person who listens onto it
with joy.
A lot of people don't really know what
gossip or backbiting
actually means. Islamically,
there are 2 types. The first one is
when
well, that's what the prophet, peace be upon
him, described. He said to his companions one
day,
do you know what ghiba is? Do you
know what backbiting is, or talking about someone
in the absence
in gossip is? They said Allah and His
Messenger know best. He said, it is to
say something about your brother or sister, about
another person,
in their absence when they're not around
that they do not like you to say.
One companion said, Oh Messenger of Allah, what
if it's the truth?
He said, That is exactly what backbiting and
gossip is. If it is not true what
you're saying, it's even worse. He called it
Taan. Taan means slander, and that's even a
worse
sin
than just merely saying something truthful about someone
else in their absence
that it is wrong. You might be asking,
what if the person is okay with it?
Yes. I mean, if they told you I'm
okay with you talking about me such and
such behind my back,
it wouldn't become a sin, but it's not
advisable either. You should be of a higher
character than that, because then again,
I've seen people who become
enemies to each other, or their friendship
dissolves.
And then they look back at the times
when
you spoke about them and they start to
suspect that maybe you had an rin for
them. So the shaitan has his ways around.
Avoid backbiting as much as you can.
As for slandering, it's to say something that's
wrong or false about that person.
But saying something good about the person is
not considered gossiping. In fact, it's a good
thing. Unless you know that your friend, or
that person, whoever it is,
doesn't even like you to say a good
thing about them, then you should avoid it.
If you suspect or are in doubt, then
don't say anything until you seek their permission.
A Muslim should defend the honour and the
reputation of another Muslim, or anybody who is
innocent,
behind their backs, and it's highly rewarding.
However, some people have asked, well,
is there any situations where backbiting is allowed?
Well, yes there are.
But that's not called backbiting.
It's called permissible
talking about someone in their absence in a
negative way.
And now, here are the 6.
Number 1. These are all taken from the
Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad
This is agreed on by all the scholars.
The first way that a person can talk
about someone behind their back is when you
are complaining about a rite that has been
taken from you.
Usually,
who is the person you would go to
complain about that right? It would be a
person of authority.
If you are a child,
then you would tell your mom and dad.
If you're at school, tell your teacher, or
the head, or the principal, whoever it is.
If you're at work, you can write a
complaint to the,
resource department, the
human resource department, whoever can do something about
it. Just because somebody's right has been taken,
we are not permitted to go around ruining
the reputation of that person who took our
right, except to mention exactly what has been
taken from us necessarily to the people who
can do something about it. It's amazing that
even when our rights are taken, or a
right is taken, Islam still says, you've got
to still cover up for the dignity of
other people. Don't destroy everything about them.
Unfortunately, the shaitan does come to us, and
as soon as someone violates one little right
of ours, even if it's something small, we
are ready to declare war against everybody.
And it's a shame that some families, as
soon as they hear something really small, they
want to cut off the entire family and
sever the ties, and they put even conditions
on their children. Don't talk to your aunt.
Don't talk to your uncle. They backbit us.
No. In Islam, it's not all or nothing.
There are some things that people do wrong,
and we avoid their wrong, but it doesn't
mean we cut off everything. We can minimize,
we can distance if it's something big, and
at the end of the day, we all
make mistakes.
Have you and I not ever said anything
about anyone before?
So, let's think about it that way. The
second way that a person can talk something
negative about someone
is if it's for identification
purposes. So normally, we can't really talk about
people's features
unless it's a good thing, but if they've
got some abnormal features,
we're not permitted to talk about that abnormal
features, such as to say to somebody, you
know, that person who's got such and such
blemish in their nose, or the way they
walk, or that short person, and so on.
Unless there's no other way to identify them
let's say we forgot their name, we forgot
what they look like, or how to describe
them, we'll say, you know, that person that
limps, for example.
Now, although this is negative, and it could
be negative to the other person, we intend
good. We just want to identify them for
something good and speak well about them. So
that's the second way that we can talk
about someone behind their back.
The third way to talk behind someone's back
is for the purpose of business.
You want to go into a partnership with
someone, or somebody's asked you for money, or
they want to get into a contract with
you, or some kind of work that involves,
consequences
if you're not sure about their honesty and
trustworthiness. If you don't know someone, you're allowed
to go and ask about their reputation and
their honesty.
Obviously, you have to be careful not to
ask about everything about them. And if you
do know something, you have to keep it
a secret, so it's all done with cautious.
You want to know if somebody is honest
in their dealings, then you'll have to ask
about them before you go into that. But
remember, as I said, keep it within
a careful boundary.
Number 4 is for marriage.
Somebody wants to know about someone for purpose
of marriage. It's only common sense and normal.
In fact, you have to ask about that
person. Perhaps sometimes you need to ask other
people who,
outside of the family, to know about them.
It's a lifelong decision.
Therefore, Islam allows a person
to seek information about a prospective spouse. Obviously,
it has to be done within conditions, and
that is not to ruin the person's reputation.
The person who talks about them should also
talk good about them. Number 3, so long
as it's not vindictive
or out there with an agenda. And number
4, very importantly, whatever that person finds out,
whatever the person says, is kept within that
circle. It stays private. Their dignity, their reputation
has to be guarded, and we don't spread
it. Number 5
is when somebody is an open evil person.
If somebody's an evil person, especially if they're
going to harm someone, you're allowed to warn
people, so it's called warning.
Warning someone about the character or the vindictive
behaviour of someone else. In fact, it's advisable
in certain situations.
And number 6
is when you need a fatwa.
You sometimes probably need to go to a
sheikh, an imam, an expert, a doctor.
So fatwa can be not just religious, but
anything.
Medical advice,
for someone that you care about, someone you
have a problem with, such as to say
to the imam or the mufti who has,
great knowledge, to say, my father or my
mother or my child or my cousin or
my friend, this and that happened between us,
and you possibly have to tell them something
that's negative, then you're allowed. But the condition
of that is to keep it between you
and the person who can do something about
it and give you advice,
and for the purpose of
fearing Allah and doing the right thing. So,
these are the 6 cases where talking about
someone behind their back is allowed. Otherwise, it
is a major sin, and even the person
who listens to it.
The way to remedy it, if anybody has
gossiped about someone else? Well, if it's something
minor that everybody says and it's not going
to really harm them, ask Allah to forgive
you, and just try to talk good about
that person, and don't do it again. But
if it's something major that that is going
to have a consequence, you will need to
have to fix it.
Whether it's on social media, you need to
go and delete it, you need to get
rid of it, or you need if you've
done it in open, you're gonna go back
in open and tell the people what you've
done wrong. If it's in a group of
people that you were sitting with and you
happened to say something that could be detrimental
to the other person, such as ruining their
reputation, their chances of marriage, their chances of
employment,
probably even to be physically harmed or something,
whatever, or could lead to severing ties.
Whatever the case is, you need to go
and fix it before
it's damaged. And, of course, that's if it's
outside of those six conditions that we talked
about earlier.
Also, if a person has done something like
that before, and can't go back to the
group, or can't go and fix what they
did wrong,
what the scholars said is, try and go
and ask them for forgiveness.
Obviously, you can't always ask for forgiveness, and
in fact, I would agree that 70% of
the time or so, if you go and
ask for forgiveness, it'll make the situation worse,
depending on what we have gossiped about. But
if that doesn't work, then we try to
fix the situation. If that doesn't work, we
start talking well about that person, of all
the good things that we know about them,
and if we have forgotten who we've gossiped
about, we can always make du'a for them,
or if we remember them but we can't
reach them, say, make du'a for them, give
a charity on nabiha, for example, although that's
not
an obligation, it's just an idea to try
and make up for the mistake that you
made.
At the end of the day,
we all make mistakes and we all want
an amazing community, society, family.
And, Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, does end
this
instruction
with a beautiful verse where Allah says,
O people, O humans, We have created you
from 1 man and 1 woman,
And We made you into many nations, tribes
and races,
in order that you may know one another
and identify one another.
The most honored among you to Allah is
the one who is most God fearing and
righteous.
Allah is all knowing of all people's affairs.
He is well acquainted
with all of it. May
Allah bless you and myself
and forgive us,
raise our ranks, protect us from all evil,
and keep our communities united, our families together.
And may Allah SWT Make Jannah our abode.
Ameen. Wassalamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.