Aqeel Mahmood – Having Empathy for Others
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
Brothers and sisters, I wanted to talk to
you today
about
empathy.
And the words empathy and sympathy
are words which sound similar,
and
their meanings
are similar, although
there's a slight difference between the 2.
Sympathy,
when you show sympathy to somebody else,
is feeling compassion for someone,
for someone's situation,
for someone's predicament,
feeling sorry for them and their state and
whatever it is that they're going through.
Empathy on the other hand
is
recognizing,
understanding,
and sharing the feelings that somebody's going through.
Namely putting yourselves
in that person's shoes.
As if those very same things were happening
to you.
So when you put yourselves in that person's
shoes,
you're
imagining how you would feel if you were
there,
in his place,
experiencing
what he is experiencing,
hearing whatever it is that he is hearing,
going through whatever it is that he's going
through.
And when you have this sense of empathy
brothers and sisters,
you
want to help that person more than if
you just had sympathy,
because sympathy is simply just feeling sorry for
somebody.
When you have empathy,
you're putting yourself in that person's shoes.
And knowing how that person feels, because you're
empathizing with him, because you has because you
have empathy, you want to do more for
them.
You're more proactive in helping that person,
brother or sister,
husband or wife, mother or father,
friend or neighbor,
go through
along with you
and help them
be alongside them
while they're going through that trial or that
predicament that they're going through.
And in fact the messenger of Allah
he told us in a hadith
about how the believers are towards one another.
And he gave a beautiful example of the
believers.
And he said,
The example of the believers between one another
in their mercy,
in their love,
in their compassion for each other.
Is like the example of a body.
When one part of the body feels pain,
the whole body ends up feeling pain,
and the whole body is affected.
It's affected with fever and sleeplessness.
Meaning when one part of your body feels
pain,
the rest of the body experiences that pain,
even if that pain is on a tiny
part of your body.
If it's a paper cut on your fingertips
for example,
the whole body feel feels that pain.
There are some actions you're not able to
do,
things you're not able to touch or pick
up because of that small amount of of
pain, but it's affecting your whole body.
It's affecting your your way of life,
the way you do things.
And when a person is suffering from a
pain, sometimes he can't sleep.
And this example which the messenger of Allah
has told us and given us,
shows us that when a person is going
through something,
the way we should feel
is
a way
such that if we were sleeping,
it's on our minds what that person is
going through.
So much so that we can't even sleep.
This is empathy. This can only happen if
a person has empathy with another individual. When
he's empathizing with them, putting himself in another
person's shoes. And of course the messenger of
Allah
was from the greatest people who showed empathy
towards others.
And Allah
told us about how he would have empathy
for his fellow Muslim brothers and sisters.
Allah
says, verily a messenger has come to you.
It's grievous
to him what happens to you, what you
go through, what you suffer with.
Whenever he saw the companions suffering, it affected
him.
It hurt him.
Because he had this empathy for his companions.
He's someone who has care over you. He's
he has concern over you.
With the believers,
he has this love. He has this mercy.
He shows love and mercy towards those who
are around him. And when we look at
this seerah brothers and sisters,
we'll notice many many examples
of how the messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam
would show empathy towards others.
And sometimes he would react
and help people before they even say anything.
Because he understood what they were going through,
he would see their state, he would see
their condition.
They wouldn't have to ask.
He would be proactive in helping them.
Once
the companion said, we were with the messenger
of Allah in Madinah
in the early hours of the morning.
And
a group of people came wandering into the
city,
and these people they were bare footed.
And they were so skinny, their skin
was attached and it clung to their bones,
like they hadn't eaten for days.
And they
had rags and torn garments
draped over their bodies,
which wasn't covering their aura.
And
they had swords wrapped around their necks because
they had no no bags or anything to
carry their possessions in.
And as soon as the messenger of Allah
saw this,
his face changed.
And he stood up.
And he told Bilal radiallahu an to give
the adhan,
because it was a time for salah.
And then when the Iqamah went, he led
the Muslims in prayer. And after the prayer,
he stood up and he advised
and told the companions to give whatever they
can give for these people, for this tribe
who had come. And they were from the
tribe of Mudar.
And so the companions after the salah, it
said they rushed into their homes,
and they came back
with food and with money and whatever they
could gather from their homes.
To the extent that there were piles
of food and piles of clothing in front
of the messenger of Allah
And when he saw this, he relaxed
and his face changed, and he saw there
was contentment. They saw contentment on his face.
And he was happy because the companions responded,
and they reacted in the correct way.
But when we look at this hadith brothers
and sisters,
simply looking at their state, the messenger of
Allah understood
what condition they were in.
He never waited for them to ask.
Many times we see people in a difficult
circumstance,
in
harsh situations,
in times of poverty,
we know they're struggling, there may be homeless
people on the street.
There may be others, we know they're going
through times of difficulty.
But we turn the other way. We may
ignore them.
We may not
turn to them and wish to help them,
unless maybe they ask and then maybe I'll
consider it.
The messenger of Allah
would show empathy
to
others
who maybe weren't as friendly towards him,
to his own enemies.
Even those who fought him in battle,
those who physically fought him. At the battle
of Uhud,
the situation became so severe for the Muslims
that one of the enemy soldiers struck an
arrow,
and the arrow flew into the air and
landed in the face of the messenger of
Allah
Piercing through his cheek and breaking one of
his teeth.
And when the companions saw this,
they thought that the messenger of Allah
had been killed,
because an arrow had just entered into his
face.
And the non Muslim shouted out,
Muhammad
Muhammad Muhammad has been killed.
And eventually when they realized he's still alive,
they rushed towards him and they were angry.
Look at what the non Muslims are doing
to our beloved messenger
And so they said to the messenger of
Allah
oh messenger of Allah, make du'a against these
people.
Look at what they're doing to you. Make
du'a against them, that Allah punishes them.
And so the messenger of Allah
he raised his hands,
and he looked up into the heavens and
he said,
Oh Allah, forgive my people because they don't
know.
They don't understand,
they don't know what they're doing, they're ignorant,
they don't know about Islam,
they don't know about the truth,
they have no idea.
Oh Allah, forgive them.
Overlook their faults.
And this was towards his enemies
who were physically attacking him.
Not only does this show
his empathy,
he's putting himself in that situation,
the amount of rage that they're feeling, the
anger that they're feeling. They're thinking this man
is the man who's splitting up Quraysh and
splitting up the Arabs.
Whereas in fact, he was uniting the Muslims,
uniting not just the Arabs, but other people
from other nationalities and other countries and other
continents.
But from their perspective,
he could understand he had empathy, even though
they were his enemies,
and even though they were wrong.
And so he would make dua for them.
The messenger of Allah
would even show empathy
towards animals.
Once he went into a garden,
and he saw a camel, and this camel
was very thin, very weak.
And the camel was sobbing, it was making
a sobbing sound.
And when the messenger of Allah
saw it, he went up to it and
he started to cry.
Crying because of how he saw this camel
behaving.
Because of the state of the camel, an
animal, not even a human being.
And he went up to the camel and
started to pat its head, and stroke its
head.
And then he called the owner of the
camel,
and he told him, don't you fear Allah
about this beast that Allah has put in
your possession.
This camel is complaining to me that you
keep it hungry, and you overload it.
This was the empathy of the messenger of
Allah
empathy to his enemies,
empathy to his companions,
empathy to the poor and to the needy,
understanding
where they come from.
When you understand where someone is coming from
and their position, you can help them more
effectively.
Another incident
tells us and shows us
how empathetic the messenger of Allah was
when he was leading the companions in salah.
And when he was leading them in salah,
he was reciting.
And during the prayer,
a baby started to cry and scream.
And when this baby started to cry, the
messenger of Allah salalahu alaihi wa sallam, he
shortened the prayer.
Shortening the prayer because of a baby crying.
And when he finished the prayer, he turned
around
and he told the companions, he said, I
started the prayer
and I wanted to make the prayer long.
I wanted to prolong the prayer.
And then I heard
the crying of this baby, the crying of
this infant.
So I made my prayer short
because I know
the distress caused as a result of this
baby crying to its mother.
Empathy to the mother,
praying in the masjid,
making the effort to come to the masjid,
with her baby,
in difficult circumstances,
wishing to pray in the masjid.
Behind the messenger of Allah
And when she starts praying, her baby starts
to cry.
And sometimes when we hear babies crying in
salah,
we tend to think where is the father?
Where is the mother?
Why don't they take control of their children?
This isn't a place to bring your children.
You should control them. I can't even focus
on my salah anymore.
Yet the messenger of
Allah ended up shortening his prayer,
making his own prayer short.
Because he understands the mother's perspective.
He has empathy for the mother.
The mother in that situation
might be thinking what's happened to my baby?
The baby was fine a minute ago.
Why is he or she crying?
What's happened to them? Why are they screaming?
Maybe they've been hurt. Maybe someone's done something.
Maybe someone's harmed them. Maybe something fell on
it.
So when we see this empathy that the
messenger of Allah alaihis salatu wa sallam shows
not just to
his enemies, not just to his companions, not
just to animals,
but also when we look at the family
unit.
Things that we tend to neglect.
Our parents, our siblings, our spouses, our children.
And how much empathy the messenger of Allah
alaihi wasallahu alaihi wasallam would have for all
kinds of people in the community.
And so when he heard the crying of
the baby, he shortened the prayer, understanding the
perspective of the mother, and the distress that
she might be going through,
and her worries.
And she doesn't want to leave the prayer
Because she's praying behind the messenger of Allah
And so instead the messenger of Allah accommodates,
and he shortens the prayer
so that the mother can turn to her
baby and tend to the baby's needs.
All of these examples, brothers and sisters, are
examples which show us the empathy of the
messenger of Allah, alayhisratu alayhis salam. And the
companions,
they learn from the messenger of Allah.
They learn this empathy and they would have
empathy towards one another.
Umar radhiallahu an,
when
they were about to conquer Mecca or liberate
Mecca,
and before they entered Mecca, he was with
the messenger of Allah and
Al Abbas was coming
into the camp
from Mecca
with Abu Sufyan,
the leader of the enemy.
And he had covered his face so nobody
would recognize him.
When they approached the tent of the messenger
of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, umrad radhiallahu
an was there,
and straight away he noticed Abu Sufyan
because he was also from Mecca.
And so he stood up and he said,
Abu Sufyan,
Alhamdulillah,
the one who has brought me to you
without me having to do anything.
Meaning I just have to kill you and
it's over. This war is over.
There'll be no more fighting taking place. Allah
brought me to you. This is a favor
from Allah.
And so al Abbas told him,
take it easy,
calm down, he's under my protection.
I'm taking him inside to the tent, inside
the tent of the messenger of Allah sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam. So he makes his way
inside. And while they're going inside, and when
they go inside, Umar and
and Al Abbas,
they're quarreling.
And Al Abbas becomes angry.
And he says,
Umar, if this was somebody from your tribe,
then you wouldn't be behaving like this.
If it was somebody from your tribe, then
you wouldn't be threatening to kill him.
So this tribal mentality came in.
And al Abbas was somebody who had just
accepted Islam, so he was new to Islam.
When Umar
heard this,
he's he took a step back,
and he was surprised. He was shocked.
And he said,
For
the day that you accept Islam
was more beloved to me than if my
own father had accepted Islam.
Because of how much happiness it gave to
the messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
that you, his uncle became a Muslim.
So Umar radhiallahu an
understood what made the messenger of Allah sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam happy and sad.
Sometimes the messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam
would cry
and the companions they would say, oh messenger
of Allah, tell us why you're crying so
we can cry with you.
So we can understand why you're crying, so
we can cry as well.
Because they wanted to understand and have empathy
especially for the messenger of Allah
When they finally entered into Makkah and liberated
Makkah,
his father was brought to the messenger of
Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, and he was
very old in age. And he accepted Islam
at the hands of the messenger of Allah
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
And Abu Bakr
looked sad and started to cry.
And the messenger of Allah
he told him, why are you crying? This
is a happy occasion.
He said, oh messenger of Allah,
what I would do to replace my own
father with your uncle Abu Talib?
What I would do to replace my own
father now,
who has just become Muslim,
with your uncle Abu Talib who's like a
father to him?
What I would do to replace him with
him?
Because Abu Bakr
understood what made the messenger of Allah happy.
When we reflect on all these incidents brothers
and sisters,
it shows us and makes us realize the
importance of empathy.
And how when you empathize with people,
it increases the bond of brotherhood, increases
that love that you have between one another.
It increases your love with your spouse, with
your family members,
with your neighbors, with your friends,
with your fellow Muslim brother and sister.
It increases that compassion, that mercy.
And then you want to help them more
because you wouldn't like to be in those
situations yourself.
We were talking about empathy.
And how empathy differs to sympathy, because sympathy
is feeling sorry for someone, showing compassion
to somebody
who's going through something.
And we said empathy is of a higher
level.
Because
empathy is when you understand the feelings that
a person is going through. Putting yourself in
another person's shoes.
And when you do this,
you're feeling that sadness.
You're feeling that embarrassment,
you're feeling that anger.
And when you have those same feelings that
that person has,
you want to do whatever you can to
help them.
And we gave examples from the life of
the messenger of Allah
when he would also show empathy, he would
also show compassion
to those who were around him.
The mothers to the babies,
The companions who are poor.
His own enemies, even animals.
And
when we reflect, brothers and sisters,
on our own state, we have to ask
ourselves how much empathy do we show?
How much do we actually put ourselves in
another person's shoes?
And look at what exactly
what exactly is it that they're going through?
How exactly are they feeling?
If I was in that situation,
then how would I feel?
And how would I like others to treat
me,
and how would I want others
to help me?
And if we look at, for example, the
homeless person,
does it ever cross your mind
how this person ended up on the street?
About his story,
What made him go
from being in a home,
possibly with a job, maybe with a family,
and then ending up on the streets.
What exactly happened?
These individuals,
something must have happened in their life that
caused them to be where they are now,
and the difficulties that people must have been
going through.
And brothers and sisters, when we talk about
homeless people,
we will be
severely
misunderstood
if we thought that this issue only affects
non Muslims.
There are many Muslims who are poor and
many Muslims who are suffering from homelessness,
Because
these societal issues are issues which affect non
Muslims and also Muslims.
When we see a homeless person,
maybe he had a family,
maybe he lost his job,
maybe he was sick,
maybe as a result of his sickness he
couldn't work,
and then he couldn't pay the bills,
he couldn't pay the rent for his home.
His family left him.
He became homeless,
he was evicted,
and he has nowhere else to go.
And so out of desperation he has to
sit on the ground,
asking other people for food, asking other people
for money.
Can you just imagine
being in a situation where you're sitting
and that embarrassment, that humiliation
of asking somebody for a pound?
Somebody for some change.
Can you spare some change please? Many of
us have heard this comment.
And then on top of this, on top
of the humiliation,
somebody completely ignoring you.
Not even looking at you as if you
don't even exist.
How would this person think or how would
you think?
How would you behave? How would you react?
Your morale
would go all the way down.
It wasn't high in the first place. And
you would think to yourselves, if I top
myself right now, if I kill myself right
now, nobody would realize, nobody would nobody would
miss me.
No one misses me anyway.
I'm not very significant
in society.
So
putting yourself in another person situation,
having empathy for others,
makes us want to help other people.
Us as family members,
recognizing what our spouses go through.
When a person works
to provide for his family,
and he comes home,
and his spouse or even her spouse
maybe is nagging, arguing,
not giving the person any rest.
Or the wife at home taking care of
the children,
something which is looked down upon in society
today. One of the most praiseworthy
things
a woman could do is to raise
children
to be righteous individuals.
The correct tarbia,
when she's in that situation taking care of
a number of children, 1, 2, 3, 4
children.
And she ties herself out,
feeding, clothing,
teaching, educating them.
And then the spouse comes home, the husband
comes home, and he just starts complaining about
how the house looks.
Not recognizing,
not empathizing
with her and realizing her state and her
situation,
and what she's been going through with the
children for that day.
When we reflect on our neighbors,
when they're quarreling with their family members,
when there's signs of sadness on their face,
how many times do we reflect and look
at their situations?
They don't have a car.
They're old in age.
Nobody comes to see them.
How difficult it must be for them to
make ends meet.
The messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
he told
us he is a true believer,
the one who eats
till he's full and his neighbor is hungry.
So when we reflect brothers and sisters,
there are many people
that
we tend to think are better off than
us,
or
we tend to reflect on our own state,
but we fail to reflect on how other
people are coping, what other people are going
through.
And the messenger of Allah he told us,
Allah helps the slave so long as the
slave helps his fellow Muslim brother or sister.
You're going through a family issue, you're going
through a financial problem, you can't find work,
you're suffering from a sickness, from an illness,
help others who are going through similar things.
And Allah
your creator, your sustainer will end up helping
you.
We ask Allah
that he gives us the ability to be
able to show empathy to those who are
around us.