Ammar Alshukry – Adab – Manners – Is an Art Not a Science

			So there's this Egyptian had this Shabbos happened Khomeini have a whole lot, who tells the story of
how he met his, or when he met his chef, Chef, a little bunny. Primeau, Allah, the great late
Muhaddith. And he had traveled to Jordan to go meet him. And the chef invited him to his house. And
he said that when the chef was like preparing food
		

			chef was help was like, I mean, he's the chef. And he's old, I can't just sit down like a guest
while he's getting the plates and stuff. So he jumped up to try to help him. And the chef told him
to sit down. And then
		

			chef would go back into the kitchen and come back bringing more plates and the chef, Chef was hack
would jump up also to try to, you know, help chef at advantage of the bandwidth, tell them sit down
again. And then like the third time, he told him, he said, Sit down an empty cell who will either he
said,
		

			taking directions, is up, taking directions is up, or listening is up. And so that was like the line
that he he remembered, believe the third one. And that goes to show
		

			a dub isn't a science as much as it's an art, science, meaning science is you put in these factors,
and it will come out like this every time. But Adam is an art, you might have learned that you
should help somebody who's older, you know, at their best for you to help get the place or what have
you and stuff like that. But if that's going to fluster that person, then at that point in time,
that's not up. Or if that person doesn't want you to do it for whatever reason that at that point of
time, you following the rulebook is not going to be added up. I remember one time I had picked up
she had had from the airport. So he's
		

			he's young, Mashallah. He's not like old or anything like that. And he's pulling his, his, his
luggage behind him. And I pick him up from the airport, but he's my chef, and I'm supposed to grab
his you know, I'm, I'm the host, and he's the guests or whatever it is. So even if it was just read
the guest, he wasn't my chef, I still would have grabbed the luggage from them. And so I reached out
to grab his luggage, and he pushes me off. And he gives me like this smooth line, he says a model
Oh, Daddy, my daddy, he says a person has more right to their luggage. So I like that line. So then
I'm traveling to another city. And this time, I'm the instructor and a guy picks me up. And I'm
		

			pulling my luggage and the guy reaches for my luggage. And I push him off. And he's he's Arab. So
he'll understand I go on Motorola Medallia give him the same line that just had to give me and so
the guy looks at me in both eyes, and then he dives from my luggage.
		

			Now, we went from me giving him a smooth line to me, like fighting him for my luggage. And then he's
still trying to go for it. And I'm like, yo, let go my luggage man. But no. And then he finally I
let it go. And he's so happy because he, he showed me hospitality. And I'm annoyed. Like, I just met
this guy, and I don't want to talk to him anymore. I want to I have to get into a car with this guy.
I'm flustered, I'm upset. But he's happy because he showed me either. And I'm like, that's not the
objective. So a lot of times people they, they they try to communicate particular rules. We had a
chef come at the message here a couple of weeks ago, and he gave a hug. And he said add up
		

			respecting your parents is to never walk in front of them and add up is this this this and he's
giving guidelines from 1400 years ago in Arabia, right, not realizing that adds up changes from
culture to culture, even from person to person, the way that I show up to one person, it's all about
the result. The result is respecting your parents. That's what that's what the result is. And so for
some parents it might be respecting them is by having a conversation with them. I've seen some kids
debate with their parents very passionately, and they didn't cross the line of either. Whereas you
have some kids, if they debate with their parents that will be considered to be incredibly
		

			disrespectful. And so it all goes back to what is the result that is required, and how you achieve
that result. Navigating that that is what that is so just a couple of examples. It's an art form.
It's not a science and ALLAH SubhanA data knows best