Ali Hammuda – Married Ever After #12 Final -Principles 18-20
AI: Summary ©
The transcript discusses various topics related to divorce, including the importance of positive thoughts during divorce, the need for a positive attitude towards divorce, and the importance of waiting for a certain period of divorce before divorce takes place. The process of divorce is long and difficult to follow, and waiting for a certain period of divorce can lead to a new situation. The importance of avoiding negative emotions and not playing around with words is emphasized, as well as avoiding double-standing and accusations of bribery. The segment also touches on the negative consequences of missing a partner's child and the importance of defaling one's religion.
AI: Summary ©
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
Smilla with hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah, who Allah Allah, he was a heavy human who Allah Welcome dear brothers and sisters to our 12th and final
Halakhah there's lecture
on the topic titled married ever after.
And it's panela I don't know about you, for me certainly usually is the case for someone who prepares his her content for something they deliver, they enjoy it the most. And I found it to be a remarkable journey.
And it opened up my eyes to so many things that I thought perhaps I hadn't unlock and understood.
And here we are 12 weeks into it, And subhanAllah Time flies.
It feels like it was just yesterday when we were consulting some of the more corroboration some of the Close Brothers about what should be the next series and it was agreed that perhaps we should speak about narrative after a series we started maybe
coming up to three years ago.
Here in this masjid, and then it was interrupted by COVID if you remember on the other side of the building, so we said why not now that the new Masjid is open, we restart the series and continue with Alhamdulillah we are today concluding it may Allah give us Sofia acceptance and abou
and the philosophy allow this to be a transformative content for yourselves and for all those who will follow this online. So we said that the
sessions are divided into four batches very quickly. We've done this about 12 times now, batch number one principles from the Quran for the married couple before they marry things that they are to be aware of before embarking on a marital relationship. The second batch of Quranic principles are Quranic principles for those who are newly married to ensure the blossoming and the flourishing of their relationship.
And then the third batch was what Quranic principles for the married couple when problems begin to arise how to manage your conflicts and now this evening we are concluding the fourth and final batch which are what
is your
divorce.
So the Quran is also dealing with the behavior of the couple during divorce, after divorce, and perhaps these are some of the most important principles that we will cover.
The first of them, this is principle number one Dr. Malik
Allah gender Giuliano who said law degree, this is from surah to Talaq chapter 65 Number one,
Allah said lata de la ilaha, your Hadith of the Delica Umrah.
Allah said you don't know.
Perhaps he may bring about a different circumstance after this.
Allahu Akbar. This is an area from Surah to Tilak chapter of the divorce
that deals with some of the rulings pertaining to divorce, how husband and wife are to behave when a divorce has been issued by the husband.
So let me rewind and give you the beginning of the area. Here all of it translated and you will understand what this verse and principle is all about.
And how it is a lifeline for those who are now in a waiting period of divorce during the period of a woman
let's rewind Allah subhanaw taala said
Yeah, are you hungry? Oh prophet of Allah. Either por la Otomo Nisa instruct the believers that if you divorce women, how do we do it? fatale Hakuna the identity hin then divorce them during the prescribed periods of time.
What actually
and keep close count of this waiting period. What duckula Hara back home and be mindful of Allah your Lord led to rejuvenate mean bow to him. Do not push your wife out of the home during this period. Wala Raja nor is she to leave the home in there and yeah Tina before he Shatin Oba Jana we excel exception if she had carried out a blatant misconduct.
What included Allah, Allah says and these are the limits of Allah. What may elude Allah He forgot Viola minister and whoever oversteps the limits of Allah, He has wronged himself. Loretta Drea you don't know Allah said, Now, Allah you had this radica Umrah perhaps it may be that Allah
After this will bring about a new situation. What is the is speaking about and what does it mean?
Essentially, it is sharing with us a few rulings pertaining to the process of divorce. And we have just learned from Allah Jalla Jalla boohoo that when a divorce takes place, when a man says you are divorced to his wife, it has to happen during a particular period in time, a particular certain set of circumstances have to be met, we're going to speak about it later on.
And during the the waiting period after the divorce has been issued, there was a period of waiting.
Allah says that should be in the marital home.
You are not to bring her out of her home. Allah says her home Allah attributes the home to her in this situation, don't kick her out of her house during the waiting period, nor should she voluntarily leave.
So the waiting period should be in the home. And what is the wisdom behind this? The principle that we are covering now principle 18, because you don't know. Perhaps Allah may bring about after this a new situation, maybe they will come back together. Maybe they will have a change of heart, maybe they will change their mind. Maybe a new set of circumstances will unfold that you hadn't thought about now that you're rubbing shoulders with one another for the three menstrual cycle waiting period, and something may change. Something may change.
So it is a principle of optimism to found hope.
It is a principle that advises the men particularly to have their heads screwed on and to not jump the gun and assume one conclusion. And there's no other possible outcome. Allah says how do you know? You don't know?
Allah may bring about a new circumstance, a new situation after this.
So it is a verse that picks up from the pain that people feel when they are going through divorce.
gives them hope.
It's not the end of the situation. This is just a waiting period. Yes, a divorce has been uttered. But you're still married.
Things may change.
Allahu Akbar. And by the way, this is the theme of Surah two talaaq the chapter of divorce. There is a strong Quranic undertone of positivity, and hope.
Positive vibes from the chapter of divorce, it's almost as if Allah gender general recognizes that for those who are enduring the difficult process of divorce, there's going to be heartbreak, pain, scattering and confusion. So Allah gives you the chapter of divorce and listen to how positive is verses are. This is one of them that you've just covered. In fact, how many verses is in surah? Two o'clock? How many verses are in Surah to Tala does anyone know?
12
It's a short Surah yet look at how it is packed with uplifting eye art. For those who are going through this tough time.
Allah says for example, on count with me we'll share about seven of those sentences. He says well, mania tequila Hydra Allahu Maharaja. Whoever has Taqwa whoever is mindful of Allah. He will provide for you a way out. That's in Surah two Tala chapter of the divorce, number one. Number two, why are Zukerman HIFU lie and he will provide for you from places you least expect.
Number three in Allah Hidalgo AMRI He, Allah who will always fulfill his purpose, He will fulfill his command. And when Allah has decreed something, rest assured it's going to happen nothing can stand in the way of Allah. But Allah Allah Allah Who liquidly che in Qatar, Allah has made an extent, for everything.
Optimism. Then Allah says this is instance number five from Surah, talaaq Romania tequila
Yaga, Allah whom in Emery he or Surah whoever has Taqwa of Allah, He is mindful of Allah he will make his affairs easy for him. Subhan Allah the Quran is so soothing for people who are going through major vulnerability and anxiety fear of the future
then what does Allah Almighty say after that? Well mania tequila, how you can feel and who so you add to why your other Mala who are God, whoever has Taqwa of Allah, you're mindful of the religion you're a good Muslim. He will erase for you your sins and He will amplify your reward, masha Allah, then instance number seven, Allah said what?
Sage Allah Who? Bada or serene you surah Allah after the hardship is going to bring about ease.
Comforting La ilaha illallah This is from surah Taanach seven instances of positivity and hope
come from a surah that is only made up of 12 I had.
And one of those ayat is this one that you are covering now in principle 18, where Allah says you don't know.
Perhaps Allah will bring it out after this a new situation, don't jump the gun.
Don't assume it has to be divorced. Don't just put one idea in your mind. And it's just about allowing the divorce to run its duration, and it's going to be divorced. No, how do you know Allah Almighty is saying to you, perhaps there can be there can be another situation that you don't imagine. So be hopeful and don't despair.
A soothing principle Wallah.
It is a principle from the Quran that comforts those who are going through divorce and it says to them, I empathize with your pain.
And I know that you have a sense of scattering, your thoughts are all over the place.
So allow me to bring your thoughts all together and reconstruct you. And then rest assured, because you don't know, Allah after this may bring about an entirely new situation.
It's a principle that says to those who are experiencing a mental block in their life, during this process of divorce, it says no, I will tear down this barrier, this dam of despair, and will allow the rivers of hope and optimism to flow. You know why? Because you don't know Allah may bring about after all of this, a brand new situation
is a principle that speaks to the Muslims who are going through a divorce. And it says no, don't just think outside of the box, live outside of the box. It's not just one way traffic, it has to be divorce. Because after all, during this period of waiting, you don't know how law may bring about a new situation after this law, in law.
It's a principle that comforts the hearts of women who have been divorced,
who are told by Allah Almighty to make that waiting period in the marital home, and she protests, she says you want me to stay in the same home waiting for my divorce,
to fall to become complete in the same home that I experienced so much pain and disappointment by him. You want me to stay here? The principle says yes. Ideally, if it's not going to cause you harm, stay there. Why? Because you don't know.
The law may bring about a brand new situation. After all of this.
It is an idea and a principle that says to people who are afraid of the future now, after the divorce has been given. What does my future look like? It seems dreary, bleak and uncertain. Who's going to marry me after this divorce finishes? Who's going to pay for the home? Where will I live? Who's going to raise the children who will marry a man or a woman like me? And the verse says, your future, your dunya, your afterlife, your provisions, your home, your children, their religion? It's all in the hands of Allah. And he says to you during this phase, you don't know.
Perhaps Allah will bring about a new situation after this.
And it's a message to those men who've given the divorce, who say there is no turning back. I'm just waiting for the countdown to finish three menstrual cycles. I'm not taking back this woman, this woman and the Quran says to him, why do you assume it to be one possible conclusion? Can you be a little bit more open minded? Let it be the board divorce if it has to be But can't you be a little bit more open minded? After all, Allah says you don't know you don't know. Perhaps Allah would bring about a new situation after this. So we want to open up the meaning of this iron and see its application Allahu Akbar. See the takeaway message from this principle, my brother, my sister is
don't take the idea of divorce lightly. Don't let it be a word that's rolling off your tongue, every other argument that you have with your spouse. Don't assume it has to be that outcome. You don't know Allah Almighty says.
And sometimes I get a situation where for example, I'm away from my phone, let's call it for about four hours, half a day. And then I come back to see what's happening. And I've got a message to messages from a brother or a sister. And they are about 30 minutes apart.
The first message said,
share, brother so and so. I'm done with this man. I'm done with this woman. I need a divorce. Not tomorrow tonight. Meet us at such and such place. I'm finished with this individual. I cannot go on like this. Divorce is what I've always wanted. Help us arrange it this evening.
Then you swipe 30 minutes later. Sorry about the message I sent you earlier. hamdulillah we've arranged everything it's been
sorted, we've discussed it. We've diffused the situation Mark Allah fix sorry to bother you. Good evening.
What happened there?
What happened is that in the first message, you overlook this principle that says, Hold on a minute, relax. You don't know before you say divorce, you don't know Perhaps Allah will bring about a new situation and 30 minutes later, guess what happened? Allah brought about a brand new situation.
Don't rush.
So this idea, dear brother, dear sister,
is very effective in closing the floodgates of divorce.
Here I want to share with you
Subhanallah the effectiveness of the Islamic process of divorce
in preventing a divorce or slowing it down.
In other words, nine out of 10 people who end up divorcing I would claim would not be divorced, if they had carried out the correct Islamic system of divorce. The Islamic process of divorce is one that facilitates it. In other words, it enables it it doesn't make it prohibited. But in a miraculous
paradox almost it also inhibits it as well or slows it down.
Those who apply these four steps of the Quran and from the sooner you will find that more often than not, they will not end up divorcing.
What are these processes? It starts with number one.
That when the divorce takes place, it can't be just willy nilly whenever you want. It has to be during a certain time when certain conditions and circumstances are met.
Yeah, are you having a video either Tahlequah TUMO Nyssa fatale. That in that when you intend to divorce women you induce divorce them during the prescribed period of time.
What is that prescribed period of time fee to honey Lemieux jamea haffi, that you can only divorce a woman the Sherry, I will say
during a period of her purity, ie she's not menstruating, and no marital relations had happened since she became pure,
then you can issue your divorce.
In other words, if she's menstruating, you can't give the divorce. That would be called for lack of a
divorce of innovation. And there was sin involved in doing that. Although majority of scholars they say that the Talaq still falls, but you're not allowed to do it, it's sinful.
So you can't divorce if she's menstruating. So that closes one of the doors.
And similarly, even if she's pure, she's not menstruating anymore. But since she became pure, there had been marital relations. Again, you can't get a divorce. You have to wait until she menstruate. And then that period finishes, and then she becomes pure, then you give your divorce.
So that one obstacle at one barrier
is sufficient to prevent 90% of divorces from happening. Because it stops this from happening. Ah, you're powerless, you're divorced, go to your mom's house. That can't happen anymore, because you got to sit down and think oh, okay, so where are we now? What's the date? What's the time? What's your circumstance?
That type of rational thinking is not conducive for an impulse divorce. You see how that doors closed? That's number one from the process and mechanism.
Then you have part two of the system which is what
where the waiting period happens.
Where should the waiting period of a divorced couple be or a divorcee be? It should be in the marital home.
Law to rejoin them in bow to him while I accrue. Gina, Allah says don't exit her from her home during that waiting period. You've divorced her. She used to stay in the marital home generally speaking, if there is not going to be any harm on her.
nor is she to leave.
What is the wisdom behind this? Allah says because you don't know that comes after the instruction for the marital for the idea to be in the marital home. Allah says because you don't know. Allah may bring about a new situation after that meaning they may come back together.
Do you see? So they're in the same marital home and a divorce has happened? And they wake up and then they fall asleep and then they rub shoulders with one another up? Sorry for Delhi. Yep. Can you pick this up? Yep, sure something is bound to happen. You see, but that's not likely to happen if when she is divorced, she's kicked out of the house and he says go to your mom's house. That makes things worse as a blue Tamia he said elbow to Jaffa distance makes dryness distance causes dryness relationships we can with separation. And unfortunately in parts of our culture, I don't know how what is an indo Pak culture but in the Arab culture, the idea of go to your mom's house has become
synonymous with your divorce.
So you will not need to say
to your wife, you are divorced, therefore go to your parents house, you will just have to say go to your parents house. And that's now understood as being a divorce, which is complete opposite of this instruction. The waiting period should be in the home, not go to your mom's house. Because something may happen, they may come back with one another.
That's number two. And then you have number three, what's the duration of the waiting periods? Not a week. What is it three menstrual cycles was Motorola to Yatra must not be unforeseen Natha Kuru Ayub, I'll call that the divorced women are to wait for three menstrual cycles. Ah, so the moment you say you are divorced, she's not a foreigner. She's still your wife, your hubby. And my sisters, I send this message to you. When you hear the word you are divorced, may Allah protect you. Don't go put it on your hijab and say, Your jilbab and you only have on you your gloves, whatever it may be, and I can't sleep with you and I can't look at your cat, you know my Muharram anymore because you've
divorced me? No, he's still your husband.
You're still his wife. Now there's a waiting period. Now. If you don't go back to one another during that period, then you are strangers to one another.
So when you say you are divorced, there's just a countdown that has begun. Remember that. So it's three menstrual cycles.
That's when a divorce happens when that long period passes by and he hasn't taken her back. That means that the relationship is finished. But more often than not, they come back together.
Right? Imagine like you give a divorce. And she's pure because we said that was the condition number one.
And then how long you have to wait until she menstruate and then she becomes pure. And then minster waits a second time then becomes pure. Then menstrual waits a third time, then becomes pure. If by that time there has been no Raja no taking her back, then she has to leave the marital home because she is in a stranger's home.
Or he has to leave Of course if it's not his house.
Do you see? So it's a long period of time. That's number what?
Number What brothers? That's number three. And then you have preventative measure number four, to prevent the divorce from happening even when they have divorced, even when they have intended a divorce. preventative measure number four is to not play around with the word of Talaq and the Sharia has made it a big deal to mess about with this expression. You're divorced.
We're finished. We're done. Go to your parents house.
And that's why IGNOU
Abu Dawood in his student activity in his jamea and others on the authority of Abu Hurayrah narrate that the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Salah Sanjay Doohan Najib WA has Lohana Jade, up Allah KU, our Nika Wirkkala Raja, there are three matters.
Being serious in them is serious and joking about them is still serious.
There are three matters. Were being serious about them is serious. And even if you're joking about them, they are still serious. What are these three, marriage?
Divorce and taking your wife back after a divorce?
It's not a joke. The Sharia says even if you call it a joke, we were missing about the Sharia sees it as something grave.
And that's why the majority of the scholars they are audited you
that even if a husband
is messing about with his wife, I don't know. They're playing Scrabble, for example. And then she wins. And he goes, Oh my God, you know what? You're divorced. I'm done with this. Ha ha ha. Right? It's not actually that funny because according to the majority of scholars,
you've just lost one of your three divorces. Now, she's in her waiting period, you want to take her back?
And that's like strike one, two more strikes left and you can never take her back.
You see, this was narrated. This was attributed to Omar and Talib in Abu Dhabi, but Abu Dhabi other companions they say, even if you say it, jokingly, the divorced, falls, it is binding.
And that's assuming using explicit explicit expression like you are divorced, jokingly, even if you use an in an explicit
and unambiguous term, like for example,
I don't want you anymore, or we're done. Go to your parents house. Does the divorce fall or not this call as they say you have to look at the knee or the intention and if he intended with that joke, although it wasn't explicit, he intended a divorce
then it counts as well. It's serious.
So look at how the Sharia does not close the door of divorce like other religions do. No, it's open. And it's permissible. It's there for those who need it. But look at how many hurdles it will place
to keep the Muslim family together. Essentially, this principle is saying what you don't know.
After this, Allah may bring about a new situation. And all of these hurdles are there to remind you to give you an opportunity pockets of time to think about it. And to realize that there are other options. You see, let me tell you something brothers and sisters, the majority of questions that comes to the shave the Mufti, the student of knowledge,
when it comes to marriage, and divorce is always about a divorce that has already happened. Rarely will someone come and ask a question about a divorce he intends to make in the future. Those wise and intelligent people seem to be far and few in between.
It's always a divorce that has happened helped me pick up the pieces I think I made a mistake.
Rarely will you find the bright individual who says Yeah, can you help me out? I'm thinking about divorce. How do I do it the right way? That speak about the future, not the past that I've messed up. But one of the scholars he said this, he says that in my experience as judge in the Sharia Council,
I deal with divorce related questions every single day.
And every single time it is about a question
of divorce pertaining to the past, something has already happened, helped me sorted out
and he says rarely will you come across a person who will speak about a divorce he intends to make like an intelligent, intelligent and sensible human being. He said the last time I experienced this was 15 years ago.
Shigella huge problem. So remember you you don't know Perhaps Allah will bring about a new circumstance don't jump the gun, open up the horizons be open minded, slow down be sensible praise the hara consult the people of knowledge, change your seat, your circumstance come out of the house for a moment think with a clear mind.
I know of a case where
a brother had divorced his wife three times.
And he still loved her. And she loved him immensely. Because there's issues of rage and an inability to control his mouth when he's angry. He divorced her three times. And he has children from her. And they are obsessed with like besotted with one another. And they came to the Shanghai Council. And they beg for help.
Please shake
the investigate. They say I'm sorry, it's done. Another Sharia Council, I'm sorry, it's done. There's no way to find you a way to come back to one another. You've got to bear the consequences and look at the weeping and the depression. Now they have to take their separate ways and they have children between them and they love one another.
Now the only way he can get back with her Islamically is if she was to marry another man and consummate the marriage with that man. And then he happens to divorce her than the first husband marries her again. without there being any arrangement to do this to make her halal. What do they call it in Indo Pak? I think the halal Allah,
this is land, this is something Allah curses for people who arranged this. So essentially, it's very rare, very unlikely they will ever see each other together as a married couple why? We could have avoided this situation if we applied principle 18 that says, I don't know Maybe Allah will bring about a new circumstance after this.
On the other hand, I know of another couple. And this happens all of the time, actually, in our Shediac Council when they come and they asked us to investigate, there's been three talax
They're begging please help us. And this particular couple, they went to more than one Imam and the Imam says I don't have time to investigate it. But it seems like you guys are done. Then they came to the Sharia Council. They investigated it. They're begging and pleading.
And Alhamdulillah it seemed that one of those three divorces didn't count for one reason or another. It didn't meet the criteria.
And the brother is like, Are you sure? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just don't have that. Do it again, because now you're on your last legs.
And he's bewildered. So she's, she's my wife now? Yes, yeah, she's your wife. So we can go home and everything is okay. Yes, Java. And then he breaks down into weeping, and she falls onto the ground weeping, and he hugged herself tightly he almost lost.
It's an emotional scene to see that it's really heartbreaking. But what are you thinking to yourself as you see this? Why did it take this? Why did you need to be here? Why couldn't we apply principle 18 that says, just before you divorce, didn't you think that maybe Allah can bring
About a new situation after all of this.
We don't know what's good for us. And when we rush a decision, we make that more of an issue.
And a third case, I'll leave you with this before I move on to principle, 19 Nyla. Allah,
a brother is not from this country, married a woman. And after a period of time, he decided he wanted to marry a second he married a second wife.
Then he had an accident.
And he became paralyzed from his neck down.
Guess what the second wife said to him?
Bye, bye.
Not interested anymore. Now he's single.
Guess who contacts him?
Wife number one who was divorced, because he divorced the first wife. After a period of time he got bored of wife number one, and he divorced her.
Wife number one now calls him ex wife that is and she says to him, would you re marry me? Just so that I can serve you?
He's finished.
Do you mind if you re marry me just so that I can take care of you for the rest of your life?
Now what is that situation about a man who did not know that perhaps Allah could bring about a new set of circumstances? We don't know. I have another story to tell you. I mean, there's so many of them that shows you our knowledge is limited. And Allah subhanaw taala as knowledge is infinite, allow the process to run its course don't jump the gun. And sometimes it's not just rage that can overwhelm us and make us unable to see any other outcome. But rage is not just rage. You know what else it could be an idea. That's just as intoxicating. Sometimes you've put an idea in your mind. And there's no two ways about it. You can see any other idea. We're done. We're finished. Yeah,
okay, no, we're finished. That can we? No, we're finished. You've limited now. Your options, whilst Allah says no, no, open it up, have you open it up, because naturally you don't know Allah may bring about a new situation. That's principle 18. A principle that needs to be remembered. During the process now of divorce. They're in a waiting period.
Now we talked about a couple where the waiting period has finished. And they're taking their separate ways. Call us. Let's be real, maybe 18 principles into the series, we've created this image a utopia almost, that there should never be a divorce. There should never be a scenario and husband and wife walk away. No, that's not the message we want to send. That's what we would like to encourage a reconciliation. But it's not the entire Islamic message. Part of the Islamic message on this topic is principle 19 where Allah Almighty says for himself can be modeled, oh, the city of Hungary. So
either you keep your wife
according to what is acceptable, or either you divorce her in a good way.
So yes, divorce sometimes is on the tables. Sometimes, generally speaking on genuinely speaking, they need to walk away from one another.
Or Allah Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah who is telling us that this is occasionally inevitable.
We'll have the marshmallow on VDD law and this is legislated in our religion. And our religion does not shy away from the fact that divorce is a door that is open for those who need it.
There are countless evidences from our tradition, that show that divorce is permitted, as in when is required.
In fact, Allah Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Who gave the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Ayato, to hear the verse of choosing
where he came to his wife, and he gave them the option of divorcing every one of them, if that's what they prefer,
due to a dispute that took place, and they all of course said we want to stay with Allah subhanaw taala and His Messenger will never choose anything over them. But he was an option that Allah gave to him, speak to your wives, give them the option if they want to be divorced.
And he sallallahu alayhi wasallam did divorce a woman he divorced the daughter of Al down, and he wanted to divorce Hafsa as some durations suggest, and Jibreel he said to him, No, take her back the House a while nakawa She's a worship of Allah praying in the nights and fasting during the date. So this happened in the life of our Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam and in the life of the companions as well, the finest of all generations, it is an option.
It's not like for example, the the Roman Catholic Church that prohibits divorce in almost all of its forms,
and other denominations from the Christians, the Mennonites, and the Methodist Evangelical Church, and others who say that divorce again is prohibited only
In the case of adultery, and even then the divorced couple or the divorced individual can never remarry.
Our religion says no for himself gonna be murder if you either keep her as a wife in an acceptable manner. Out the city humbly, I said, No, you can divorce. But we in a good way, in a noble and elegant, elegant way.
And sometimes it is for the best. Having said everything that we've said, trying to limit this outcome, sometimes it is for the best.
Sometimes it's not their fault. Sometimes there is a huge personality clash it only appears later on.
And then staying married and the calling causing more harm to each other's deen and duniya then good.
Sometimes it's an external circumstance that they cannot control and divorce is actually needed to release them from this burden. This difficulty
and look at the example of the wife of Tabitha Luca is the companion he is a man from Jana. He is a man from Jana, the prophets Allah Allah has in him guaranteed phablet Jana, yet his wife hated him. She couldn't stand him.
And she came to the Prophet alayhi salatu salam and she said in new Allah He la Ebola therapy at feeding in Walla Hoolock messenger of Allah I'll be honest, I don't have any problem with his religion or his morals his o'clock character. There is a finance
we're lucky Accra Hoku fluffy Islam, but I hate to be an ungrateful wife.
I'm afraid of being an undue dutiful wife to him. In other words, she's saying I hate him. So I can't bring myself to serve Him to be dutiful to him. And I don't want to be that woman in the eyes of Allah.
separate us. He loved her.
In one narration, she said Let otaku hornbrook doll I cannot stand him I despise him.
In a third narration, she said.
Mo Hola. Hello. Hola on behalf of hula hula sock to fee what he and Amaya Teenie she said the Messenger of Allah if it wasn't for the fear of Allah that I have, I would spit in his face when he comes near the house.
So sometimes they clash. She was a righteous woman, she didn't insult him cause him slander him. So this is how I feel. And I'm going to become a bad Muslim being with him. And he separated between them through what they call the whole process.
Sometimes it's that's what happens and we spoke about that era and belief how better era hated belief belief, love, buddy era Kairos it wasn't gonna work the Prophet so I said I'm separated between them. Well Halima Jarrah. So not only is his divorce permitted in the religion as in when he's needed, it puts a positive message to those who have divorced to one another. You don't have to put your head down and think that you're somehow secondhand. A product No, sometimes divorce is good and sometimes you can become a better person with divorce.
And Allah said, we're here to Farakka if they separate, you're gonna love we call them insanity, Allah will enrich both of them from His bounty Allah will give Don't you worry be positive, even if that's what really needs to happen in the end, this may be for the good of both of you.
So that himself can be modeled this is principle number what 19 Either you keep your wife in an acceptable manner
or either you divorce or what?
In a good way and with good treatment absent even look at it. He said What does it mean to divorce her in a good way? He said mean lady talk behind. Well, most Shatta Wale attorney if Well, I can use a real ha What do you mean hasn't was appealing Jamil. The verse means that he divorces her in a good way in an elegant way. Ie he said
no vile behavior, no swearing, no aggression, but you let her go in a good and fine way. That's how divorce needs to be.
Now what is the opposite of this?
The opposite of this is principle 20 and we will conclude our series with this
principle 20 is where Allah Jen legit Allah who said, we're going to add dilute Allah He forgot volume and whoever oversteps the limits of Allah, He has oppressed himself. Because not everybody will take this advice.
And I'm sure every one of you will have a story of volume injustice that took place at the hands of a wife or husband exes to one another post divorce, and the type of slander and false testimony in courts and theft and swearing, and backstabbing, bitterness, resentment.
And there is a lot of overstepping the limits of Allah Allah to Allah and Allah threatens here be
where those who overstepped the limits of Allah, you've only committed an injustice against yourself. What is amazing is that this idea of how to do law, the limits of Allah mentioned a lot in the Quran mentioned around 12 Different places where Allah speaks about his whole world, his limits don't cross them. And in 10 of those 12, places where his limits are mentioned, it is speaking about marriage and divorce 10 of the 12
because it's so easy to transgress. So Allah gives a threat 10 times from the 12. And I think it is very reasonable for us to conclude our series with this principle and a threat and a reminder and an admonition for those now who have left their marriages with bitter feelings towards one another. It is very suitable that we ended on this harsh tone.
Because how did we begin our series? Does anyone remember principle one and two?
Well, number one was marriage is an act of worship.
It's part of your glorification of Allah.
It's sanctified Well, McCulloch, to Gina will insane, daddy, most principle number two Hashem.
That was a subheading of the first principle. What was principle number two.
This is a firm covenant, Allah calls it welcoming them in comida kalila. It's a firm covenant. So on one hand, we began the series by saying worship is marriage as part of worship. And it is a firm covenant, of course, causing to Allah according to Allah. So what do you make of a person who transgresses this type of covenant? He has overstepped the limits of Allah and for those who do this, they have only oppressed themselves.
Me a dad the * dude, Allah He forgot about m&ms Here, let us go through some of the common manifestations of volume, injustice, and a dad dealer How to delete overstepping the limits of Allah when it comes to divorce. What do we see? Let me ask you actually, what what have you seen
examples of it going very sour.
Now that they are divorced,
give us examples.
of
custody of the children.
Yeah, they start playing using the children as weapons weaponizing the children to harm the spouse.
Yeah, what else?
Well,
yeah, claiming what is not yours, referring to a system that splits wealth in a way that the Sharia has already spoken about?
Sometimes there is theft involved from either of the two parties.
For that you would that's it? Yeah.
Slander. Yeah. Exactly. As if Now, the other party now no longer has any honor.
anymore.
Children might do the same thing. Most likely, that's what happens. Exactly. Yeah.
So one of these manifestations
of volume, injustice and overstepping the limits of Allah during the process of divorce, or after divorce has happened, is not cooperating with mediators
where a husband, for example, will leave his wife hanging. So he's made it clear to her that I have every intention to get rid of you. I actually I've moved on. But I will not give you the divorce, just to make it difficult for you.
So you hang about now and you pay your hundreds to the Sharia courts, let them see if they can take out a disillusion for you or hold off for you. I won't do it. What to see guna brr on the tattoo license, don't hold on to them purely for the sake of causing them harm
and to transgress.
So the Sharia Court receives an application from a woman and the husband will purposely make himself absent.
Emails, he won't respond calls, he won't respond text messages, he won't respond, middlemen he will ignore them, just to prolong the period of suffering for his wife, whom he knows very well. He has no intention of taking back he's already moved on US law.
We say to him Romania to add to the law he forgot of Allah man. whoever transgresses the limits of Allah he has oppressed himself. And Allah said we're murli vilely Mina Mina Tsar those who commit injustice will have no helpers. They're left to themselves.
A second manifestation of the volume and overstepping the limb.
Words of Allah, during or after divorce has happened is slander.
speaking ill of one another post divorce,
revealing each other's marital secrets to make this person look pathetic or small to demean him or her.
That is an Amana
and Allah threatens people who do this who start running their mouths now that they are divorced, Allah said in the letter, you know, your head, bone and the Chi Alpha Heisha to Filipina among those who love to see in decency spreading between people, ie by talking about it as one example. What What does Allah say about them? subhanho wa Taala Lahoma. Early on dunya will occur, they will have a painful suffering in this world
and the hereafter.
They love to see indecency spreading, oh, he was like this. And she was like that. You have no idea what he did to me. You have no idea what she did to me. Yes, there is occasionally a small amount of space and room to speak about the bad traits of your ex if there is an Islamic Muslim identity in doing so. And that's limited in its scope. More often than not, it is slander and Riba and punishable by Allah. genealogical Allah, women Cetara Muslim man cetera hola who? Phil akhira the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says whoever veils the faults of a Muslim, Allah will veil his phones
on the day of judgment
and I love a narration which Allah Sally mentioned. And then here he says that there was a man who was going through a problem with his wife. So nosy people came as they always do. They're like, What's wrong with her? What happened? What's the issue? Right but if chitchat but of golf juicy golf,
so he says,
an RP Lulu article sutra, Marathi the intelligent man never uncovers the veil of his wife.
I'm gonna tell you what's wrong with her. She's my wife.
So, later on he divorced her and they became estranged to one another so they came back these nosy people they said Tell us now what what was wrong with her? And he said Marley, you only Marathi lady? How can I speak about somebody else's wife?
That's how intelligent people behave. I have flaws. She had flaws. But that Allah Masha, Allah for the most part, we will cover it, not speak about it in the hope that Allah will cover our faults.
There was an incident not too long ago of a brother and wife who went through a quite a messy and ugly divorce to be honest.
So they started to slander one another, just to cause harm to each other and spread rumors about one another post divorce. And one of the things that the husband decided to do was to complain to the government, that his ex wife used to engage in tax fraud to get her in trouble. So what did she do? She got in touch with the government and said guess what he used to do it as well. Here's the evidence.
And he's a fraudster as well, unfortunate situation.
So what happened?
They had to flee the country.
Imagine so they had to sell their home and just get run because the Interpol was on their case looking for them.
Then they got in touch with their solicitors.
Then they got in touch with their solicitors and the solicitor said to them look, we can arrange a settlement of some sort will have to pay out such and such figure. But it's okay, you can come back. But we don't recommend you do why? Because now there is a new threat that your children will be taken away by services.
Look at that situation they're in. Was it worth it?
Was it worth it just to feel that you've advantaged yourself to go running your mouth and to speak ill of one another? And this is just one example there are many other examples
so slandering one another backstabbing one another spreading the secrets of one another post divorce is volume and Allah says to them women Yeah Dad, the hood Allah He forgot. Ebola man of Sir whoever overstepped the limits of Allah he's only committed an injustice to himself.
A third manifestation of bone before I conclude with the fourth
post divorce is false testimony
in the courts, to cause harm to your spouse.
And this is all too common unfortunately. And it is one of the worst sins according to Islam.
Muslim the rates and your authority of Abu Bakr ah the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to his Sahaba No, it will not be Oh can be activated al Qaeda or shall I not inform you of the most major of major sins? And he repeated, repeated it three times? Shall I not tell you of the most major of all sins? Shall I not tell you of the most major of all sins? So now he's captivated the attention of the companions
And he was leaning down as he was speaking. He said to them and Isha are cupola who are Gopal validating to associate a partner with Allah to be disobedient to Mum and Dad. The narration said we're kinda more techy and jealous and he was lying down as he was speaking, lying down. I think he sat up.
And he gave me the number three. He said, No one told us to run our shahada to Zoo allow us zoo allow our shahada to Zoo, he said and false testimony, and speaking the false testimony, giving the false testimony delivering the false testimony, and he kept repeating it till the Companions became uncomfortable. And they said later who said we wish he would stop? He kept repeating. He got up to capture their attention. And he said false testimony is one of the most major of all sins, when you take yourself to a court and you say my ex
was an extremist. Why
not why
to prevent access to the children
to ruin his reputation, to defame him in the eyes of work, or any other corrupt cause? He's an extremist when he's not an extremist.
He's an ISIS affiliate, he admires ISIS.
Why? And you know, that's a false testimony.
He's a fraudster
claiming benefits although he's on 16 digit salary. And that's not the case.
Or you say that he he molested my child was the father or the mother. He molested my child
or his in laws threatened me
when they did it, or worse still, when you throw your own religion under the bus, before the judge, to make yourself look moderate, and to make your ex husband or wife look like the extreme one, you start slagging off, I'm sorry to say your religion.
start cursing your religion throwing it under the bus, shooting yourself in the foot? No, that's throwing yourself into the ovens of *. By defaming your religion and quoting passages from Quran and Sunnah that are wildly out of context, and will be misunderstood by the untrained individual to make this religion look barbaric and monstrous, to make yourself look like an oppressed angel to make your spouse look like a tyrant and therefore you achieve your dunya goals. That's going to catch up with you in dunya before the hereafter, because Allah said while earlier finding evidence, the wrongdoers will have no helper.
And the law said lemania Dad that'll do the law here for a while a manifest for those who overstepped the limits of Allah they've committed an injustice to themselves.
That's another one of the manifestations of boredom, overstepping the limits of Allah post divorce. And the last one I share with you
is
the idea and one of you mentioned it of preventing an ex from seeing his or her children.
What are the most gruesome and horrific ways of weaponizing a child to achieve your selfish goal?
And you fail to remember that this innocent child who's obeying you now and not objecting will soon grow and develop a mind of his and her own of her own, and it will backfire. I share with you a few words from Sally and Baris.
A sister of ours a Muslim sister who actually lives here in Wales, and she is the director of split the difference CIC an organization created to raise awareness on the inequality for men and boys within United Nations member states to encourage consultation, guidance and policy that supports their needs equally to women and girls. What does she say? Listen to this. She said ladies and gentlemen.
Unless your child is at great risk of harm, and I don't mean different parenting styles, I mean, beaten, starved, etc. Your child's relationship with the other parent post breakup is none of your business.
You don't own your child. Your child has the right to know each other parent, their grandparents, their aunts, their cousins, etcetera. like them or not. What you are doing is harming your child you are stripping them away from their self belief, their truth, their identity. She said be the grown up you chose the other parent you don't like them tough Your job is to understand that your child's needs are not about you.
She said what you risk one day is your child facing you and realizing they can't trust you to be honest and respect their needs.
There are ways to manage this if you can't do it between the both of you get a coach. If the partner doesn't want to do what you want when you want it then tough smile at the children take a deep breath and let the children believe their other parent loves them.
If that's your job, every time the other parent doesn't live up to your expectations, your child is learning to be patient to be kind, forgiving. And yes, sometimes they are learning how to handle this appointment.
This is good because you are reassuring them that mom or dad really does love them, you are teaching them resilience, when they are 18, you will never have to negotiate with the other parent again.
You want the child to feel strong in their identity, get out of the way and let them know who and how they can be phenomenal. I remember one sister, who again went through the courts and did all of this pallava to prevent her ex from seeing the child. And she didn't think is going to catch up with her.
It's all hunky dory up until the child reaches adolescence puberty develops an attitude. Now the ex she's calling her husband, her ex husband, and she's like, help me out with the child. He is absolutely wild. Help.
So the husband is like, you know, I've been deprived from this child all my life. I don't even know him. So he tries to get in touch with the child and child's like who you who are us, I'm your dad? No, you're not, I don't know, you put the phone down.
Now the wife, she's lost her child. And she thought she was doing herself a favor by removing one of the greatest support mechanisms there is for a child, and that is the presence of a dad at home.
And vice versa. I'm currently going through a case now where it's the opposite husband who is almost on the brink of removing children from their mother.
And what is interesting is that when the punishment of Allah comes, eventually it comes through that very child
through the very child who you thought you had successfully weaponized against the other parent Subhan, Allah, Yanni, it's like as if Millennium he says when a person loves something besides Allah, Allah will punish you with the thing.
When there is an attachment to something besides Allah, Allah will punish you three times with that thing, before you attain it anxiety, of course, this to chase, you know. And then when you've attained it, it's going to leave me how do I keep it. And then after you've lost it, the regret and pain, Allah punishes people through the very object that distracted them from Allah. The same thing applies here. A parent who thinks that they've got got got away with it scot free by preventing the practice and they got a court order against their child, it will catch up with you. And when the punishment comes, it will be from the same child.
It will be from the same child who will take heed, who will mend their ways, who will go back on their word, and correct the lies and allow the ex back into the life of their child
with the conditions and the caveats, of course, that we mentioned before.
So that's it. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to accept the series, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to forgive the many faults, the deficiencies, that of course it will play this and plague any type of human endeavor, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to make this heavy on your scales, and my scales and all of those involved in the preparation, and the dissemination of this content. And I'm really hopeful that this is not the end of your relationship with the material, I would be very happy if some of you were to come forward and to say, you know, maybe we can maybe take the notes of this course and or the series and make it into an online course and create exams and to arrange the content in more
of a organized coherent way and do something for the betterment of our Muslim marriages.
Also all alone and have you known Muhammad would have done in our beloved