Ali Albarghouthi – This is Love – Hadith #33 Be Moderate In Your Love
AI: Summary ©
The conversation discusses the importance of love as a solution to problems in society and how it can lead to deaths or loss. It emphasizes the need for observe justice and finding passionate people with a history of being true to their values. The speakers also touch on the misunderstandings of love and the importance of finding a strong love for someone and not giving up on their emotions. The conversation also touches on the challenge of finding a good person for a romantic engagement and the importance of acknowledging that relationships are complex and difficult.
AI: Summary ©
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Allah azza wa jal right wants us to understand how to love not only
to love.
And today's Hadith
tells us about an important part of how to love how to regulate our love, in fact, how to regulate our emotions. So this is Hadith 33.
And in this hadith Rasulullah sallallahu Allah who were early he was salam said,
Habiba. Kohonen ma a year Chornobyl de la que el mumma. What was it was he is like, how nama Assa Yeah, hakuna Habiba que yo mama.
He said, Alayhi Salatu was Salam. Love Your Beloved, with moderation. Perhaps one day, he will be someone that you hate
and hate the one that you hate with moderation. Perhaps one day he will be someone that you love.
So that piece of wisdom from the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam is
something that should be pondered and contemplated.
How innama with moderation.
And before we go directly to that, I want to revisit a point about loving general, and why love needs regulation.
We've all probably heard that slogan or many slogans similar to it. All you need is love.
Right? All you need is love. Love is the answer. Love is the solution. Love will solve everything like we all just need to love each other. That's going to solve all our all our problems. Now, this is a generic prescription. All You Need Is Love.
It doesn't really provide detail.
It doesn't help you understand how love provides a solution. Without details. Now how is Love is supposed to be the answer. So if I'm looking for someone to marry, if I hear that love is the answer that is once I find that love, I'll find an answer to all of my questions, though, is it possible that love of another human being love of a wife, love of a husband, love of the child is that supposed to have all the answers or problems in society all than we need to do is love each other. It doesn't tell you how.
It doesn't give you details. It doesn't caution you against types of love that actually could be destructive. It doesn't tell you what to do with negative emotions. It doesn't tell you what to do when love does not work. So as a generic prescription as a slogan, it's very attractive. Because once you say, all we need to do is love each other who's going to disagree with you, is a very emotional
announcement and call, so no one is going to disagree with you. But when you come to details, you'll find the details are lacking and they're lacking babies specifically, so that it didn't appeal to the largest number of people, but it doesn't help doesn't provide a real answer. And when love kind of assumes that position in a culture or in society, such as the size society that we're living in my understanding of why it is seems since it has such a position is because we are spiritually depleted.
The culture global culture now it was before Western. Now it had become global. The global culture that we have right now. Is it materialistic or spiritual?
Spirit spiritual. So where did this I mean materialistic I'm sorry, you said materialistic. Okay, so materialistic. So if it's materialistic, it's empty on the spiritual side. So what fills that gap? What's the thing that is produced in the media in culture to appeal to the spiritual side of a human being? Because he can really just give materialism go by and eat by an E then what I'm still empty, really empty. So what is going to speak to the Spirit? We present love. Love is the answer. Love will satisfy you. You just pursue love. And not only that, love on its own justifies everything. I know it's on its way, as long as you feel this way, as long as you're in love.
Then you do whatever you want. We talked about this before. So when you say love is the answer in a, in a culture, that's the spiritual side of that culture presented to counter the materialist side, but it's still very weak, inadequate, because love, needs guidance. Love cannot be the sole answer. Love is an emotion. And when you have an ambiguous slogan or an ambiguous emotion, meaning it can go either way, love could be instructive. Love could be destructive light could be love could be elevating love could be demeaning. Love could help. But love also could destroy. So on its own, it's sufficient. And you understand why it's sufficient? Because you could love someone and then hate
them. Is that right? You could lose that love. They could love you, but then hate you. So love didn't really help you. Then why did why was it lost? Why wasn't it enough as an answer? Love could be so intense, it could exhaust you until you can't take it anymore. You could love something so much so intensely. And this is the subject of our Hadith today, so intensely, that you cannot continue to love it anymore, that it harms you and harms them that it leads to your death or their death. So that type of love, which is love as raw emotion, just raw emotion, you could love something to death to their death or to your death. You could love something to their destruction or
your own destruction, you can love it the wrong way. So if you say love is the only thing I need, what if I love something rubbed the wrong way? What if I stalk someone because I love them? What if I break their marriage? Because I love them? What if I spy on them? Because I love them? What if I'm so suspicious of them? Because I love them? Love has not provided them the answer. Love just told me I'm attracted, I can't live without them. So I'm going to do everything. And if love justifies everything, then it should justify this as well. So love needs more than that. And love needs guidance, love needs, experience and love needs above all, Allah azza wa jal to tell us what love is
good, and what is not and what expression of love is good and what expression is not. So, emotions on their own, just the nature of emotions that they tend to run to extreme,
mean, unchecked, unregulated, they tend to run too extreme. And they also tend to become their opposites. Right? So have you had that experience, when you love a food so much, you eat so much of it, that you don't like it anymore? Or you eat a lot of it at one point that you say, I can't smell this anymore? I can't taste it. So why is it that you used to love it so much before? An hour ago, or a month ago, and now you can't stomach it anymore? It says because too much of it became too much. So that flipped those emotions flipped. It went from admiration or craving into No, I had enough I can't take it.
And you probably remember if you're kind of hold enough, that you may have hated things when you're younger, and now you'd like them are the opposite.
So they tend to run into emotions and love intense love can turn into intense hate. So if you're the kind of person who allows himself to experience everything with intensity, then you could visit the opposites. I love this food, I'll die for it and then I hate this food I cannot see it you can run like a pendulum between those emotions. So emotions have that feature to them, when they are not regulated. As but as we said, we need
wisdom we need religious guidance and all
and
about the extreme nature of love and hate because the opposites I mean that that the opposite of the same coins the two sides of the same coin that's an emotion and that's an emotion as well and they are connected. On page 350 says overbill Hatha Radi Allahu Anhu he said, Leia confab Oka kala firewalla Abu Qatada
a said look not your love be an obsession
or your hate
turn into ruin
so they said how is that color either Calif tequila for sabe it says if you love something you obsess over it or you're attached to it like a child.
What you the ability to tell you saw Hibiki tellef And it says if you hate you wish that your companion would be ruined.
So he's warning against extremes
In Love and extremes in hate.
So he's saying Don't let your love be a qlf meaning it has that propensity or you have that propensity to turn into a qlf so they asked him what is this Calif he says that you treat your objects of desire like a child up obsess over it. So you think, think of a child that you bring him via Matoi his favorite toy? What does he do?
Does, it says his sole focus and attention it plays with it day and night, day and night, day and night, day and night. And then what? Gets bold? Alright, so the first part is killer obsession, or extreme attachment. You love it to the end. He says don't be such a person who when you love something, you will love it so much that it's the center. Everything you can think about. That's the qlf like a child. So numb those emotions are childish emotions when they're like that. And he'll book a telephone
that is Boudicca tele, there's when you hate you hate someone so much you want them to die.
To the extreme, you're not moderate here and you're not moderate here, that in moderation is an expression of emotions that are not regulated by the Sharia. Because you're not supposed to feel like that. You hate somebody so much you want the worst for them.
And you love somebody so much he can't live without them. He says this is unrestrained and
we are supposed to say or we're supposed to regulate our emotions with the Sharia. Like all of us love and hate. Right? And you can explore experience intensity of love and intensity of hatred, that is a given you will feel that but are you supposed to surrender to them so that if I love you so much, I'll disobey Allah azza wa jal enough I hate you so much of disobey Allah.
So what has the upper hand that's the question What or who has the upper hand my emotions or my religious commitment?
Okay, so, Allah azza wa jal, right, said in the Quran, lie a gerrymander commission and homing Allah Allah do agita, Hua corroborative Zakon lie. It says don't let the hatred of some people propel you not to be just be just because that is closest to Taqwa. So Allah azza wa jal recognises he knows that you're going to hate some people or they will hate you. They will mistreat you. But now when you are about to treat them, don't let your hatred of them dictate and guide how you're supposed to treat them. So you're not reactionary and you're not emotional. But rather you have to observe justice, say and speak the truth. Because what you want is taqwa Allah's pleasure and that is closer
to Dakhla. So Allah's love regulates your own emotions, has the upper hand guides it not the other way around, I'll say or do whatever I want, because that's what I feel like.
Those are those are unchecked emotions. So a person who has Iman, Iman must come first. Okay.
And Allah azza wa jal says, said also in another area, Kunal our Amina Elahi shahada abilities to whatever other unforeseen Come, I will worry they knew Allah crummy, okay? Allah azza wa jal says, you know, Stand up for Allah azza wa jal
or stand up for justice witnesses for the sake of Allah azza wa jal, even if that witness is against your own selves, or your parents or your loved ones,
relatives, so Allah azza wa jal in that area is asking us to do what? Stand up for justice and for the sake of Allah xojo. Even if your own testimony your own admission is going to be against your own self, put Allah first.
Don't favor yourself over Allah. But say I was wrong. I was not supposed to do this. You're right. So you admit that why because you're supposed to pursue justice and supposed to love Allah asserted more than you love yourself. But if you love yourself more, you will justify anything.
And that is more evident when you love other people. So are your parents right or wrong?
So if they did something to displease Allah Zoda you wouldn't say that they are right simply to please them, but at the same time displeased Allah azza wa jal or your spouse,
you really in love with your spouse, you don't justify their mistakes. You tell them that you what you said is wrong. What you did was wrong. Allah as urgent matters more your child.
You don't cover
Are up their mistakes but you rather tell them this is haram because Allah azza wa jal said It's haram so you don't live let your love for somebody, your love for your children, ruin your relationship with Allah azza wa jal and guide you somewhere else. Right?
So what has the other upper hands our personal emotions or religious piety and justice, and the reason why a person could be so obsessed when they love
to the degree that it could harm them, or harm the object of their love, is that their heart has to be vacant, has to be empty.
And so that's why that love that human love or that worldly love gets sneak into their heart and occupies such a central space. And they bring here an example which I discussed on page 355 to 351 of Imran Abdul Aziz, the wife of Al Aziz. In surah, Yusuf Alayhi salaam dar was in love or was attracted to use of Ali his Salah. So use it was rebuffing all of her advances. She is pursuing him and he doesn't want her he She's pursuing him. She's married.
He doesn't want her. Why was she pursuing him? Allah azza wa jal said a Shiva for her hooba He had filled her heart with love. She loved him to an extent that that is the only thing that she could think about. That's the only things that she wanted. The scholars have said in the Tafseer. Why did she reach that level of obsession with use of Alayhis Salam, he says because she was a disbelieving woman who did not love Allah azza wa jal. So her heart was empty and open for loving a human being to that extent.
You following
her heart was empty. So it's possible for her to love a human being to that extent that he becomes the central love of her existence, everything that she can think about. Only there anything, everything that she wants from life is him, so it could blind her. So she doesn't care about her husband doesn't care about her own reputation, and ultimately, doesn't even care about what happened to use of when she could not get him. So the heart is empty.
So when you see especially it's kind of movies thrive on that.
Movies, Hollywood, Bollywood, probably Bollywood more than Hollywood because Hollywood kind of lost that sentiment even.
But they cannot picture or draw life as the pursuit of the one person who could occupy that central part of your life, so that you are living for them,
and dying for them, and worrying mostly about them, and they just fulfill you in ways that are not possible. Because they are not there.
We say that, that if you are going to feel something like that, you're going to feel something like that. Because the heart is empty, doesn't have Allah azza wa jal in it. So you're looking for someone to occupy that space. That's why you're looking. But if a person loves a for another, like that, that they've given them, the space that belongs to Allah has soldier and that could become shitcan. Allah as a soldier, because they do anything for their sake, they will live and die for them. That becomes, in fact, shitcan Allah as just so nobody should be loved to that extent.
But look, as I alluded to, in the story of the wife of Al Aziz,
she loved use of Ali salaam, to that extent. Now think about the story. What did she propose when she couldn't get him when she was about to be exposed? And her husband found her alone trying to grab use of alleys and what did he recommend happen to use of
the he got goes to prison
or severe punishment. She's proposing that
although she loved him, or she said that she loved him, but she was willing to let go of him right to save herself, punish him or put him in, in prison. Later on, right when he continued to turn her away, turn her away, turn her down. What happened to us of LA's tsunami, eventually, he was put in jail, and he was imprisoned.
The consequence of her love for him, put him in prison.
Just to tell you that if you really trust or can rely on someone, or you shouldn't rely on someone who loves you with that intensity,
because that's destructive. If they cannot get you what will they do to you, destroy you.
They will turn on you with similar intensity like I can't live without you. But if you're not going to be mine, I'd rather see you this
Alright, so they will punish you for it. So that's not a love that you should pursue that is a love that should terrify you.
Because it's again it's unchecked and they don't have Allah Zota to guide them and say you know what? It's haram you shouldn't be doing this. But whereas haram and halal for them, that's not their main concern, so we have to have Allah azza wa jal as the one who tells us who to love and how to love them.
Now,
since we're talking about extreme love, or exaggerated love, let's just first make the common before we go back to humanity. Make the common that
Allah azza wa jal when loving Allah azza wa jal, you cannot love Allah enough.
You cannot love him too much.
And that's the difference between loving Allah and loving a human being. You could love a human being way too much. Go beyond what is
desirable. What is religious, have too much love for them. But can the is that possible with Allah as origin?
We say no. You cannot love Allah as Abdullah enough, so you can live your whole life and die. And still you haven't loved him enough. subhanho wa taala. That's one of the reasons why some scholars have said that using the word Aishe. In describing Allah's love is improper, because the issue is extreme love, extreme, undesirable love. And he says you cannot have that with Allah xojo Because you cannot love Allah to an extreme, because you never love him enough anyway. But within the human being Yes, he could love a person to an extreme and undesirable extreme. So the love of Allah azza wa jal cannot be exaggerate or cannot be extreme, but you can exaggerate
or you can exert you can have a misguided expression of that love.
Right, you could have a wrong expression of Allah's love. So if somebody says I'm going to commit suicide, because I love Allah as though did so much do we tell him? Yes,
no. So there are ways where you could express that love and ways that you shouldn't express that love. So love again, even loving Allah as though doesn't justify anything that is done in its name, has to be proper expression of love.
And
we'll touch upon the love of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, I mean so, so extreme religious love, we talked about worldly love, but I want to touch on extreme religious love. extreme religious love that is not guided is not adhere to the bounds of the Sharia is far more dangerous, typically than romantic obsessive love, or romantic, obsessive love if it doesn't lead to shitcan Allah as though Dell just could ruin your life here. Right? could ruin your life here. You could lose your life, lose your health, lose your future, possibly right lose a good marriage possibly. But it may not affect your hereafter as much it can deprive you of good deeds but it doesn't affect your hereafter
as much, but extreme religious love, unguided, unregulated, misapplied
is dangerous. And
a what testifies to this on page 351 and 352 and even not be thought about the Allahu Anhu said
Yeah, hello Kofi Yara Jordanne more freight on fear Obioma freight on Peabody and this is Hasson to Olive, no, Vitaly, all the Allahu Anhu he said, two types of people will perish, when it comes to Me. Those who will excessively love me and excessively hate me.
So those who love me excessively will perish. And those who hate me excessively will perish. And on page 352, he said, are the Allahu Anhu lay your head Bonnie our one hat diet Hello now Rafi
there's some people will love me so much that they will enter a Hellfire because of me. What do you believe only a Coleman had died who do not have your body and some people will hate me until they enter Hellfire because of hating me.
These are the extremes that we're talking about right? They love me so much that it will take them where
* they will perish and they will take them to * and they will hate me so much that it will take them to him. So what are what is the example What is he talking about? And that is here is a prediction that must have come Allahu Allah from the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam because it's futuristic.
So there are people, he witnessed them, he saw them
and there
We're living till today who will love Ali have not to be toilet or they say that they love Ali ibn Abi Taalib Radi Allahu Anhu to such an extent that they will say that he is God.
Okay, or God incarnate.
Right? Or that he's infallible, these are different sects, by the way, or that he's infallible muscle
and that his children are infallible.
So we'll take anything attributed to them
and reject anything attributed to the rest of the companions. We elevate them to such a level that we take Sharia from them. And we curse the rest of the companions or we dismiss them or we say that they are in hellfire. So such believes that deviate from the Quran and Sunnah take the person where
to *. So if a person believes that it is God or God incarnate, that's disbelief in Allah as. So you can say I love him so much.
Yeah, but that is a misguided, wrong type of love. You shouldn't love him that much. You shouldn't express that love that much. So that is what he is saying, out of the Allahu Anhu that they will love me so much that they will say they love me but curse the rest of the companions or say that they are in hellfire, that elevation of ally is something that he will not approve of. So that is a path to *. Not a path to loving him, but a path to *. And he will disown any person, this own any person who will exaggerate His praise, as it was said that earlier, the Allahu anhu, when he saw people during his life in his Khilafah that were telling you or God, he sought them to Burn them
alive, like he sought them to catch them and Burn them alive. Because that was what heretical. And he says, and people will hate me so much that they will enter Hellfire because of me. That that that also happened. Because some people hated the idea of the Allahu Anhu so much that they cursed him. The or cursing him. And they turned against him and they turned against his children, cursing them as well and hating them as well. And that is hating one of the companions of the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam and cursing him outright, like that is also a reason for a person to be punished. So is saying that all the Allahu Anhu see these emotions, excessive love and excessive hate where
they could take a person.
And that reminds you also should remind you, of another person whom people loved so much, that because of it, it's going to take them to help. And they hated so much that they because of it, it's going to take them to * and that is who
that is ASA
Are you sit on Jesus at ease? So some people love him so much that they make him what?
God or the son of God right. And they may have these kind of emotions towards them when they hear his name when they you know.
Hear their description of his that, you know, so called crucifixion. They'll cry. You see them they will be crying. Right? Just like the stories of the martyrdom of Al Hussein right? Do you see them they will be crying. But that love that expression. Those emotions are not though that praiseworthy. Allah as surgeon knows that this is the wrong belief.
So that takes a person to *. So if you believe that ASA Jesus is the Son of God, etc, while you only love them, that is that right? You're on top of love.
Or if other people hated him so much that they called his mother this and that and called him the son of this and that and they call that he was a fabricator, a charlatan, and, and and right, and he deserved to be killed, that is hating it. Isa Ali salam to an extent that takes a person to * again. So those are the extreme emotions that the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam was talking about so as they have applied to Isa, Ali is Salam. They're also applied to Ali ignore be Taalib or the Allahu Anhu.
Now
what's important also is to understand that the love of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam also should not run into extremes.
Because some of us have done with Muhammad Ali is Salatu was Salam. What some of the Christians have done with ESA.
And it's all in the name of love. So we love the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam that there are some Muslims who will say, No, the Prophet was created from light, and that light is the substance from which all of creation King, Yanni, all of this universe comes from the likes of Mohamed, Noor Muhammad, and then auto Mohammed becomes almost a divine light.
Right? Or that all
All of the creation from Adam to the last person on Earth was created for the sake of Muhammad Ali salatu salam. So what's the basis for that belief?
Why were we created
to do what?
For Allah's worship, right? So this creation was in for the sake of Muhammad Ali is Salatu was Salam. So loving the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam doesn't justify any belief in the name of His love, or any act in the name of His love, otherwise would be no different than what the Christians and many of the other sects who abuse
the object of their belief In the Name of loving them.
There was also one point, let me see it was it here or later.
Okay, and so since we're on the topic here about kind of moderating your love, and if it comes later in Charlotte comes later, that also should be extended to loving scholars and people of knowledge. Right. So if you admire someone, and you know that category of heirloom, heirloom and mache for you, scholars and good Amma, whatever, Ken has a spectrum of those people who are truly knowledgeable, truly people of knowledge that run down all the way to popular speakers. They're not scholars, but there just happened to be people who can speak good orators. And they have an audience. And they have some substance to what they're saying, but they're not scholars or whatever.
So when you watch a person like that, when you listen to a person like that, and you keep watching them, it's natural to be attached. Right? And it's natural to love them. And you will love them for religious reasons, and you will love them also for personal reasons. You just listen to them all the time. You like how he looks, right? You like how he speaks? That has to do with the person more than what he says? You like the topics, he just speaks to you. There's a personal rapport between you and them. The question here the test here, what happens if they make a mistake?
Is your love greater for them? Or for the truth that they are saying?
Is your love greater for Allah Zota? So you can say yes, they made a mistake, they are wrong. In you could admit that. Or you would justify anything that they say because you like them? And you refuse to admit that they made a mistake?
So are they now the objective or the means? Are they pointing to someone or something else? Or have they become the focus? That's celebrity worship? What is celebrity worship? Meaning that I want them? I like them, I will say whatever they say I will do whatever they do. The question here is what happened with some people? What happens if they lose their faith?
What if what happens if they commit a big mistake?
Would you lose your faith? Because they've lost it?
So if we lose our faith, because he lost his faith, he lost his way, then we understand that he had become the object of our attention, not a means to Allah as he stopped pointing to Allah. Either he or we took it that way. Allah Anam instead of pointing to Allah as though did he is pointing to himself, or you missed him pointing to Allah and you just focused on him.
So that's the test and that is why Allah azza wa jal, by the way, if you want to understand
the benefit of human mistakes, is that Allah azza wa jal will test you at times. Are you going to follow Him because it's him or follow me? Or follow him Medallia? Salatu Salam, here's the evidence. Here's the Hadith. He's saying something else, you're gonna follow him or follow Prophet. That's where the love of Prophet alayhi salatu salam will show itself. Right. So in your heart in your heart, who is the real chef?
Who is the real chef?
So Muhammad Ali salatu salam should be the real chef.
And everybody else is pointing to him. So that if they make a mistake, they say, okay, my main chef is the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, he's the one who teaches me and guides me and tells me what to do. I'll take guidance from Him, not from so and so on YouTube, so and so on YouTube is only pointing to him. If he fails to point, then I don't need him. I'll see somebody else. And of course, you still respect a person. I mean, with the mistakes that they've done. You still respect them as long as the mistakes are within reason. You still respect them, but at the same time, to be honest enough and brave enough to say that was a mistake.
And I will put Muhammad Ali salatu salam before any other human,
liberate yourself from loving someone to the extent that you will compromise the Prophet and his teachings for their sake. Okay. So that's why love sometimes is testing. Love sometimes requires
is challenging, right? So
since love, going back to love and this is love of human beings,
the prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam is telling you that when you
hate too much, or when you hate, don't hate too much. And when you love, don't love too much, because there's a possibility that your emotions will change, their emotions will change. And maybe the one that you say I hate so much could be a person that you will like later circumstances will be different. You'll find that the reason why you hate them or they hate you has disappeared, do you need them and they need you.
So if you allow yourself imagine with me a scenario where you allow yourself once you hate someone, to say everything on your mind, everything, or to do everything that is possible because you hate them. What happens if you need them later,
then you've ruined the possibility of any reconciliation.
Like if you hate someone, you know how when you get in an argument with someone, and it's so heated, and you remove all filters, and now you say everything that you ever thought about them to them, all the terrible things that you thought about, you will say that to them, would there be a way back.
And even if you want to come back, they'll always remember the things that you've said, or worse the things that you've done. So the prophets it is Salatu was Salam is saying those you have to you have to understand these emotions are not stable. When you are really angry, don't say everything and do everything. Because that person that you think that you hate right now could be a dear friend later on. If you need them later. Better, keep some bridges and burned.
Or this person that you love, and this kind of this love ranges from a spouse to a child to a parent to a friend? or what have you so called friend, can you love them so much that you would depend entirely on them, and think that you can't live without them? Or when it comes to some friends tell them all of your secrets.
He she is the best, my best friend, he and she is the best friend. So you think I can trust them? So you tell them everything?
Then for whatever reason, trivial or not, they become your enemy. What do they have now?
All your secrets,
knowledge of all your weaknesses.
And that's not prudent.
Right? You would keep and you would have to keep some things to yourself in the possibility that this friend may not continue to be a friend. So the Prophet that is Salatu Salam is telling you
love is not always it doesn't always last, it may last, it may last. But with moderation, right, it will last. But with extremes it doesn't last. And in case it doesn't last, you must be ready for the fact that this person can turn against me or this person could become my friend.
So be moderate, right and you don't become orient turn a person into the center of your existence. And a story that is interesting of how love changes and the one that you love may not love you back and the one that how it's all unstable and so, you cannot rely on a human being to make you happy.
Right? You cannot invest in one single human being and say he or she will make me happy. So what happens if you lose them? Okay? So if not our best, this is on page 353 And then 354 He says if no abbess
what are the Allahu Anhu said he says Betty era. I'm just going to read it as he narrates it and then explain it. It says Betty era was married to a slave.
And his name was Malik and he says it's as if I can still see him walking behind her crying with his beard running down his with his tears running down his beard and the prophets of Allah it was him standing next to Al Abbas, the father of Abdullah
and he says yeah, best. Aren't you amazed at how much movie loves bed era and how much Vidya hates motif. And then the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam said to bury era. He said lower
All righty. He says, maybe you can go back to him. And then she said to a moto knee, she said, Are you commanding me to do this? And he said no. In NEMA inertia in nama Shiva, he says, No, I'm only interceding. I'm not commanding you I'm only interceding, Kotla Hydra to the fish. She said, I don't need him, or I don't want him.
The story of Malika and Vidya is kind of like a love story, right? If you want to think about it, both of them were slaves. Both of them are slaves.
And so
Berea was freed, she became a free woman. Right? So both of them were slaves. And nobody ever became a free woman as a free woman, she has an option. She could either stay or leave them.
Okay? So either stay or leaves him. So what did she choose
to leave? I don't want him anymore. I have the option. Now I can, I'm free. He's still a slave. I don't want him anymore. So I'm leaving. So the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam, right? He says witnessing this and move eighth was still trying or pleading with her. And he's crying. And typically the image is the opposite, we would think the woman would be the one who's crying out over the man. And the one is the one who doesn't care because men are not emotional. But one of our emotions, here is the opposite. He's going after her crying, with his tears, right visible on his face. And the prophets a lot he was sending them is going to, you know, witnessing all this. And
he's saying to us, isn't it amazing? Of how much he is attached and he loves her and how much she doesn't.
And the only thing that a Prophet SAW out he was in them could do is just go to her and say, why not? You go back to him? Why don't you stay his wife?
And Maria are the Allahu Allah she's she's a companion with the Allah and her. She wanted to differentiate between what is this intervention? Are you commanding me? Because if he's commanding her than what?
For sure, I will do it. I'll stay. But is this a command? He says no, I'm just trying to reconcile you both. So he says no, I don't want
Subhanallah see how the Prophet sallallahu wasallam did not fault her for that decision. This is what you want. This is it for you. And in fault movie for loving her.
Okay, he loved her, but she fell out of love or she doesn't love him whatever it is. He could only observe and he can only intercede but then he could pull back. That's the only thing that would be possible. didn't condemn anyone for it. But this take this as an example of loving someone so much, but they don't love you. Right? And of course, the Sahaba or the Allah and Muhammad, they're not like us today. They're not going to collapse. If somebody leaves them. They'll find a way to cope with it. But that's how resilient we have to be. So what protects this? The what makes you resilient when it comes to human love? Allah's love. Allah's love is the best substitute. Because if you love
Allah as though it is not possible, as we said before, it's not possible for you to depend on a human being to that extent you can't because you already have someone
you already have someone part of your heart is already occupied. If I need something Allah gives it to me. If I'm in distress, I go back to Allah nod, if I need something, he will help me or she will come to my aid. Because then it's obvious if you remove this object of rely that you relied on, if you remove them from your life, what happens? It's devastating. You left me with nothing. But if that person leaves but you rely on Allah azza wa jal then you still have Allah azza wa jal, right.
Another
kind of small story.
And there's some benefit in bidding Allah azza wa jal on page this is on page 355. And again, it's about love and regulating your love and what takes precedence. What comes first. So no matter what the Allah Anoma said, cannot Dotty Imran or Hey, Boo Ha, what kind of amaro Accra haha. He says I was married to a woman
and I loved her. And Omar hated her. So Omar is his father. So I loved her married already, Omar hated her for Carlita. Lika so he told me divorce her
for about two, I refused. I suffer the amaro rasool Allah is Allah Allah Allah userland further Cara, daddy Kala, who So Omar went to the Prophet sallallahu said me and told him about the whole thing. For finally Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Palooka So the Prophet sallallaahu Selim told me divorce her.
Now that needs explanation. Okay. So, Omar, now you could think to yourself, why would Omar hate her?
It could
For personal reasons, or could be for religious reasons, right? These are the two possibilities.
So he says divorce, his son says no. Why? Because he loves her.
When Omar goes to the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, and he explains all of this, the prophet now intervenes, and he said, divorce her,
would he be championing then Omar's personal feelings or religious feelings?
Religious because he would not go to Omar and say, well, since you don't really like her personally let him divorce her why the son likes her loves her. In fact, that's what he said. No, it must have been for religious reasons.
And that's why the prophets always send him could side with Omar because in the other example, remember, these were personal feelings. He didn't intervene by saying, I command you to do this. Stay with him, though you don't love him? No.
But in this case, he said no divorce her. Because he knows sal Allahu Allahu alayhi wa sallam that when Omar hates someone or likes him for religious reason that that counts are more special over it's not like anybody else. So he said, you listen to your father.
So,
here if even Omar
loved her, to the extreme, would he listen to the prophet that is salatu salam, he wouldn't be able to.
If his love was extreme, I mean, he loved her more than Muhammad Ali Salatu was Salam he wouldn't be able to listen to Muhammad. Because why would I give her up for the sake of what a lower love? You would never do that?
Right? As like, I don't know you love ice cream so much. Okay, instead of this ice cream, eat this healthy yogurt.
Why would you write that is much more delicious than that one. Unless you love your health more and you say, out of one sugar this, then maybe you will switch. But otherwise, this tastes a lot better than that. Why would I leave this for that? You will only leave something for a higher love. You could only divorce her his wife when he said I love her. He could only divorce her. If he loved Muhammad Ali Salatu was Salam only then will you be able to follow?
Right? So that's the competition of love. And Allah has devoted will test us with what we love. He'll take this from you or give you something and they will say will you put Allah first or that thing that you love your own emotions are Allah azza wa jal if there is no clash and hamdulillah but whenever there is a clash, Allah azza wa jal has to come first. And we take from this hadith to also if a parent asks his child divorce your wife, or they say to the wife, leave your husband should they listen to them?
Only if what
is religious?
None of his personal you already married? It's not before marriage. So maybe before marriage Your mother said even for your father said I don't really like that person. Find somebody else get doesn't fit this this this You may listen to them.
But after marriage, you're already married. They come and say divorce. Why? Personal reasons? No.
wordly reasons, no religious reasons, then you have to listen.
Okay? Because with religious reasons you're listening to to Allah azza wa jal and then your parents
but with worldly reasons that can bring you harm which is divorce you not obligated to listen to them. And that's what that that's by the way, the response of 100 No hamburger Hema hola that somebody came
to him and he said that my father is commanding is asking that I divorce my wife should I listen to him? He says if your father is like Omar, listen to him.
Really straight, clear answer if your father is like Omar, listen to him. So if a person is acting in that capacity, then you definitely the center, right.
So
this is kind of the point that I made and cannot repeat here.
It's always possible that you could lose the person or the thing that you love. Either they die, or they stop loving you, et cetera, et cetera. So how do you cope with loss of love?
As hot as it is, a child dies, right? And that could be the most love beloved, being in your life, they die. How do you cope with that? You won't be able to do unless you rely on verse love.
Rely on belief in Allah has his origin trust in His promise. So the love of Allah azza wa jal can compensate and make up for any loss and that will enable you to continue if you don't have Allah's love
then you will be tested with worldly love. You will get it and you will lose it. It will make you sad. It will make you worried. It will devastate you it will torment you every love is tormenting and that's the statement of ignored claim, Rahim Allah among others. Every love besides the love of Allah asserted is tormenting.
Do you know why?
Before you get it when you get it? It's tormenting before you get it. You're long you long for it I want it I want I can live without it that torments you. That it's not there.
But you say okay when I have it, what's tormenting? What is torturing about having a love that is in your hand?
You could do what you could what could lose the fear of losing it?
The fear of others coming and taking it from you? The fear of death things stopping to love you.
Right? All these are possibilities. So you're always tormented by it. What
decreases or eliminates that torment is the love of Allah Zota if you lose it, Allah is the best of compensation. Right?
So this is what I have in sha Allah for today. And I hope that you found it beneficial in sha Allah Allah Allah what kind of desync inbuilt Allah azza wa jal
let me know in sha Allah if you have
any questions Inshallah, and I have one from last week, but I'll just give you some time inshallah to go through it
so let me read this inshallah from it was from last week.
So living with a more is living with a person who abandoned Salah and fulfills his duties, or, and fulfills his duties as a Muslim. Getting to affect the rest of the practicing members of the family, the person says that he hates the religion and as
it's affecting on NH and E and is evil and makes the rest of the family uncomfortable. Now, of course, this is a complicated question. So the person doesn't pray, he hates religion and all of that
you would probably need to
ask an imam like in person probably just to elaborate on the relationship of that person, to you and to the rest of the family? Do they support the family? Do they have to stay with you? Are you bonded to them? Are you not? Because the answer is going to depend on all of this right? If Are you married to them? Or is it somebody else? Is it a parent? Is it a child, and what you need to do with them? Always advice and do is recommended when you're faced with somebody like that. But it's otherwise beyond that it gets complicated inshallah. So I just wanted to note that since we received that question and say, visit a chef, visit an imam or even just write to one but just explain in detail
who that person is and what are the options and insha Allah could receive a beneficial answer satisfactory answer.
How to reach the middle ground of love, not to love very intensely and not to lightly.
You if you have the love of Allah azza wa jal with you that is the best moderator. That is the best regulator, because your love is not going to run to an extreme. It's always going to be guided and is always going to be restricted by Oh, I cannot do this, this is haram. I cannot feel that this is wrong. So the love of Allah azza wa jal will prevent you from reaching an extreme and it will also enhance your love. But remember all the talks before that we said that love of Allah as though did unloving for the sake of Allah as though did enhances love. Right? So when you look at that person, and you see them as servants of Allah, who are deserving of His love, and Allah loves them, and
Allah guides them and Allah sustains them. When you look at that person, as the Hadith of the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam said, that a believing man does not hate a believing woman. If he hates something about her, he's satisfied with something else. That is the balance that Islam teaches you that the Prophet alayhi salatu salam teaches you he says, Yes, Leia frukost, Mina Mina, and believing man is not going to hate the believing woman. He says, Why? Because if you look at something in her that you hate, you dislike, you don't fail to see that she has other points that are good as well. So that moderation that balance and look who teaches you this, the prophet that is
salatu salam. So when you hear that from him, you will take a second look at the person that you think you hate and you can't live next to and you will find that they have some good things in them, at least a potential and you could work on that potential. So what will help you to help you is a
Religious love religious grounds I mean love that is grounded in religion will always be Nilla as a relief religion is understood right and practice right will lead you to that moderate path will lower
and let me know inshallah if if what I am sure does not address everything you had in mind
sent follow up questions and show
it says life happens and sometimes you do end up disliking people. So how do we stop? Also, can you speak about this topic in terms of your children? Thank you, meaning you're hating your children.
Okay, so life happens. And sometimes we end up disliking people that happens. And that is because of worldly reasons. Right? So you just first of all, if we're talking about Muslims, let's say, first of all, make sure that that hatred is only worldly, not religious. So that is a is a moderating influence. So like, I don't hate them so much that I wish them to be in hellfire. That's unjust. So I hate them because they did this and that to me, so there's some hatred, some friction. If you remember that you still owe them you have responsibilities towards them as believers,
then you're not going to hit them to an extreme. Right? I still have to give them salaam or answer their Salam, I still cannot cross the line when it comes to their rights. So that's a moderating influence. But even when it comes to non Muslims, you still owe them few rights, you cannot just go on, you know, just because these non Muslim punch everybody you see in the street, because they're Muslim, know that you owe them certain things, respect and honor. Right. So that moderates your reactions and moderates your emotions, so a life happens, but you pull yourself back and say, I shouldn't take to an extreme because that is wrong. And then you could think about it also in terms
of this is only duniya. This is only worldly objectives, worthy objects. And they come in they go, and you don't see.
And that kind of is a elevated observation, elevated and inherited from the scholars is that you see Allah azza wa jal behind anything that is happening to you. So you stop faulting and blaming people for the things that they have done. Right? Allah was behind it, Allah allowed it to happen. And there's a message in it for you. So you don't concentrate your hate on this person. Oh, he did this needed that. But rather, you go back and you say, it's only my sins that had made this possible. So you go back and you fix yourself, and you focus less on why that person has done this or did not do that. Good. But that is kind of an advanced stage, but at least you do what you notice that they
have another side and you still have to relate to them with justice as Muslim or as even non Muslim.
When our emotions overtake us, due to an incident which we know that Allah loves certain decisions, and we would like to follow however, how do we overcome this overwhelming emotion which prevents us from making right decisions, when we are unstable. If you are overwhelmed by your own, by your own emotions, you have to take few steps back
or at least restrict the external
manifestations of those emotions. So you're angry. So just with anger, if you're really angry, really, really, really angry, what do you do? Say whatever and do whatever.
So those are emotions that you have? That's a reaction you can't stop it. I mean, the motional reaction, okay. But you restrain your mouth from saying, What do you want to say? And your body from doing what it wants to do? So you don't talk you don't speak you sit down you make although you leave the room, you do other things. So you control your emotions. And that comes with practice and comes with DUA and comes again with religious devotion with your have greater Eman. You've had that awareness Oh, I shouldn't be this angry. I shouldn't be this agitated Allah azza wa jal is watching what I'm doing. This comes with from religious proximity, closeness to Allah azza wa jal. So if
that's the case, you'll be able to control those emotions at that moment. And if you were able to pull back and they subside, you could revisit your reaction and revisit to how what do you want to do with it? And ask yourself, Okay, I want to do A, B and C I feel like doing that. Is this pleasing to Allah? zodion? If yes, proceed if not stop. Is this according to the Sunnah Yes or No? Will this be helpful? That's an important question. Is not just I'm angry and I need to express my anger. Is this helpful? Will this help you
If it's not going to help you then don't do it. It is going to help them and if it's not, don't do it. So the more that you pull back and question, that emotion and question the reaction,
then you will be most likely in sha Allah to overcome it so just restraint and it does come in sha Allah with with practice right
how can we relate the year of sorrow of Rasulullah sallallahu sin with a love of Allah subhanho wa taala. So, the year of sorrow or Amelie husband that is a leader description.
That is a leader description of that tear. And he it wasn't called that at the time of Muhammad Ali Salatu was Salam that he was so sorry, are so sad that they called the whole year the year of sorrow. So it wasn't like that. Not that he didn't feel the sorrow of losing his uncle and losing his wife are the Allahu Ana, but it wasn't called the year of the year of sorrow. When the Prophet that is Salatu was Salam was alive. At the same time. Sorrow is a human emotion, that he was sorry, he was sat at a Salatu was Salam for losing his son, right? So it doesn't conflict with the love of Allah azza wa jal, it's the love of Allah that helps you cope and overcome. So you will have a
natural emotion, natural reaction. And then the love of Allah azza wa jal comes in makes it easier. Right? I think that lawyer
can we ask a divorce from a husband who is not praying or still drinking alcohol despite being advised? What are the steps needed, according to the Hadith and Sunnah? These are major sins, at least, any not praying, or drinking alcohol and habitually a drinker of alcohol. These are major sins. And I'm talking here in general, in general, we have a right to ask for a divorce. If a person is committing those major sins, it's best insha Allah that you talk to someone in person, so that they would know the extent of those mistakes.
If there's a possibility of fixing that man or not, and if not, to give you the steps in sha Allah force, seeking that divorce and it's all gonna depend a lot on where you stay and y'all
what is the ruling on watching Islamic series like honorable hottub when actors betray the Sahabas like Bilal, but they don't show the faces of the prophet or the Khalifa. I remember I mean, very early on when
the movie rissalah came on, remember the message of rissalah that they were fed to us from the scholars that prohibited from actors from portraying the Sahaba
so portraying Omar Radi Allahu anhu, or Bilal or any of those major senior Sahabas should be prohibited, because it demeans them.
Because the best actor that that was the argument then that the actor who's portraying these Sahabas is an actor who will betray other characters in other movies and series. And that does not be fit the respect that should be reserved for Omar Abdullah. I know because
maybe for us as adults, we will not have that but for children they will always associate Omar with that actor
right and be loud with that actor and they will see this is Bilal This is Omar This is and so they will follow him. They will follow them right with through other F movies other series. So it's disrespectful, right? Hola. Hola, Anna.
Should the fear of Allah azza wa jal be out of love or punishment or both? It can be both. So if you're Allah azza wa jal, because you are, you're afraid that he will punish you for your sins. And you could fear Allah as noted because you could lose his love.
Right? So it's a privilege that you're losing, so you don't want to lose it. So you fear Allah azza wa jal and then you also fear Him because you could be punished because of the sins that you committed.
Okay
What should a woman have to say if she's the one asking if someone is interested in getting married?
There is no special formula or words right? She either sends news of it or she asks directly Are you interested in getting married?
And that would be it inshallah. There were no specifics phrasing, whatever, whatever way. Whatever way it would be culturally appropriate. Right? I'm looking to marry a good man. Do you know someone that is an indirect way? Right. I'm looking to marry a good man. I know that you know, a lot of brothers in that.
Do you know someone
Right, and then just see how that conversation proceeds in sha Allah where you could kind of send somebody a mediator to say, So and so there's a sister interested in marrying you and make it vague. She's of this age of this ethnicity. Are you interested? If yes, then they could proceed with more information. So this way kind of use can stay veiled. So if there is a no and it doesn't affect you, right, so that's another way. Although,
like, I don't have the best answer here. But I think that should that should suffice and show
are not hating but loving your children so much? How do you moderate the fact that you could love your children so much?
You probably will love your children, probably the most among any, anyone who's around you.
But you've seen on the news, right? You've seen it repeatedly, like it's daily people losing their children, right? So you say to yourself, how are they managing this? How are they dealing with that? I mean, and this is you're seeing your child dying in front of your eyes, like you cannot save them. And they can be easily saved, but you cannot see them or they're starving to death. Right? There is no food, they're starving to death. So what do you do?
So you know that they cannot, that child cannot be the one and only loving their life, meaning if they die, I must die as well. Or I will lose my faith. That's a problem. I'll lose my faith if I lose them. So what do you do you say to yourself, do I love them more than Allah as origin? And then you ask yourself as difficult as that question may be, what if so and so dice? Because that's a possibility, right? What if I lose them? Then you see how you react to it not I will go crazy, I'll kill myself. No, what would I do? Well, I say in LA LA in LA Roger your own. While I remember that Allah Zoda will keep them safe, especially if they die very young, keep them safe, and they will
enter Jannah so you get yourself mentally ready, if such a thing happens. And lean on the love of Allah xojo Read More Quran, make a lot of dua increase the love of Allah. So it can displace some of the love that you have for your children that could be excessive.
So you love them a lot. You love them enough, but not excessively. So when you love Allah as odd enough, so I would say increase Allah's love, so that it could displace any excessive or extreme love that you can have for any human being. Right.
So what is the good recommended timeline between getting to know each other and getting married and everything in between? I don't think again, there is a standard, like knowing for two weeks or one month or one year and then get married after there is no really timeline. It all depends on you, them and the circumstances, you could meet someone once you could meet someone once have a conversation, you find everything is fine. You plan a wedding in two weeks or a month, and that'd be it. And you could live at hamdulillah with a lot of happiness. And you could know someone for a year or years and you get married and you get divorced in a year or two. So there is no real timeline. It
all depends on when you meet when you sit and you talk do you find compatibility or not? Do you both like the same things in one the same things? Do your personalities agree or not? If everything is fine, everything is fine. All your questions answered. Nothing is left uncovered, then why wait?
Right? Why wait?
If you need more time to investigate and ask questions, and you're still not comfortable, then take the time that you need to do this. At the same time. If it's an engagement, I don't recommend that you prolong the engagement. Because the engagement is a half commitment. Right? I'm sort of in but not fully in. I'm attached but not really attached. It's no you have to really make up your mind. Because the longer it stays, the more that she's gets this gets attached to you or he gets attached to you.
And that's really not fair. If you know what you want, and you're ready, she has everything you want. He has everything that you want or maybe not everything but 80% of it.
75% of it whatever right but you're comfortable with that. That's it proceed.
I said but what maybe what they'll find out things later on. I'm anxious and I'm not ready. But we always leap and we understand that there is always an unknown you take a job and you don't know if it's gonna last or not. You study something you don't know if you're gonna be good at it or not. You travel to a new country you don't know you're gonna like it or not. There's always an unknown, but you pray istikhara
You do your job, you investigate and once that is done
you proceed with the law sorted right. So no specific timeline
and I think I did answer everything.
Okay.
Okay, I think I did. Okay. So anything has anyone has any anything else
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okay they even shallow so we'll stop in sha Allah here but in the last agenda we'll see you next week with Allah Subhana kanombe Hemlock a shadow Allah Ada and stuff it'll go to what they have