Ahmad Saleem – Eight at Eight #023 My child doesn’t Pray

			econ or Rahmatullahi? Wa Barakatuh Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah. Here we
		

			are right? We are here at eight at eight. This is your brother Mohammed Salim coming live from
Milton, Ontario. Those who don't know where Milton is, is very close to Toronto. So you can
technically see a Toronto commentary if you wanted. All right. So today's topic
		

			is something very important. And a lot of times, I'm getting a lot of feedback from parents, their
concerns, they're really, really like worried about their child on praying. And the concern is
genuine. It's a really genuine concern. Like, you know, the fact that you are concerned about your
child's aka is a really, really good thing. Like, don't get me wrong, it's an amazing thing to have.
But what do we do? What do we do in a situation when your child is praying, you've asked your child
to pray, and you know, for a fact that the child is not praying. So you know, definitely that he is
not praying, he is skipping his prayers. What do you do as a parent? Do I call him out? Do I like
		

			all of these questions come up. So before we do that, I wanted to have a want, I want to give
parents a perspective. And if you look at this from a perspective, like once you understand this,
you're going to be like, okay, it makes a lot of sense and figuring out where we went wrong. So, at
what age are we required in Islam to command our children to pray? What is the age that we're
required to do that? It is the age seven, so you're commanding your children? While you're going to
send them home? How are you? So you're commanding your children at the age of seven? To tell them to
pray? Now, I want you to do the math with me here. One second, let me just do this.
		

			All right, how do I do this?
		

			We know and we go calculator math. All right, now you see my calculator.
		

			Alright, so at the age of seven, we are commanded to work at the age of seven, we are commanded to
tell our children that they should pray, okay. And at the age of 10, is where religion allows you to
follow the boom, LaShawn that you can, you can do some physical recommendation techniques. I don't
mean you take off your belt and start whooping your child, but you will can use some sort of
physical contact with your child to make him realize while he can Salama hula
		

			Yeah, we did it in the keys of Frisco. Good.
		

			That's good. So we know we talked about it. Now, if we do the math, the seventh year, you know, so
you're number 789. As soon as he becomes the age of 10. So that is three years, that means three
times 365. That is 1995 times, okay? So that's the number of days that you are required to give a
reminder to your child from the time he becomes the age of seven until the becomes the age of
10 1000 901,095 days. And you're supposed to remind him four or five times, you're supposed to
remind him five times. That means that before Allah subhanaw taala gave you as a parent, the
permission to even lay a finger on your child, for Salah, that's the only exemption that you have.
		

			You have to commend your child for more than 5050 500 times roughly, before you're allowed to even
lay a hand on your child.
		

			Let that sink in for a second. It's not as simple as we sometimes make it seem like, you know, oh,
yeah, I told my child it's okay. You know, you should you know, he should
		

			you should he Why is he not listening? Well, my question to the parents is, did you remind your
child 5475 times? Did you tell him to give that to pray? Salah? 5500. Well, 5500 times? And the
answer is no, we did not. So first, the blame is on the parent. Right? If we did not follow the
formula that was given to us. Now, having said that, now your child is a teenager, you can do
anything about it. The child is not praying. Now, does it help? If you go in there and you force
your child, you force him to pray, does that help? It doesn't help because you're going to wake up
your child and you're going to say get up and pray. And who do you think that child is praying for?
		

			Who do you think he's going to be praying for you praying for you? is praying for a
		

			lot 99% of the time, he's just praying for you. So you can be off her or his back. And they don't
want to be bothered. All right, so that's a problem. Because you don't want your child to be praying
for you. Because the minute you're gone, the child is not going to pray. And that is what I get from
parents is like, I got a man and get the dope Bertha honey. Like, if I don't tell him, the person is
not even going to pray? Well, exactly. Because he's not praying for Allah subhanaw taala he's
praying for you. He's not praying for Allah. So if you want your child to start praying for Allah
subhanaw taala there's different techniques you're going to have to try but definitely forcing your
		

			child to read is not one, the only thing you're doing is you are getting, you know, you're absolving
him from of that sin of missing the Salah, which is a good thing. But while you tell him to pray,
you have to do some other things at simultaneously to fix this issue. And how, what do we do?
		

			So I generally tell parents, there are three primary things that you can focus on. Okay, number one,
how is your prayer? How's your Salah? Do you miss your fogers Are you spot on when it comes to your
prayers, or you have a long way to go? Because if the child does not see the role modeling and the
importance of Salah in your life or up cricket they came back a wrap up number two, okay, you're
telling your child better you should go and pray. Right and you're watching the neighbor's exit in
the hotel motel. Let me let this match finish. Right?
		

			What role modeling are you doing? And then you come to Melissa, Marissa was like when I saw my son
does not pray. Oh da like because you're doing pray to write like, like, blames on you. You're
you're not role modeling anything better for him? So how do you expect your child you have not
commanded your child 5500 times to pray? How do you expect him to focus on you? It's not going to
work. So how do you expect him to focus on saw you yourself have not been the role model. So first
thing, you become the role model for the child. So he gets inspired by you because he has the most
amount of contact with you.
		

			Number two,
		

			you have to get him enrolled in activities where you can find individuals that like young people
that are genuinely inspired by prayer so he's in the company of the right individuals do not ever
make the mistake of rebuking his friends. Right Don't ever say tomato those your friends don't this
this friend of yours, Mike or Nabil This is so like, you know, this Nabil, I will make sure that he
gets out of your life. You know, that's what happens when you try to take Nabil out of that person's
life or, or whomever out of you know, all of the if you try to take any of these two names, by the
way, their twin daughters, I know and they're married, but swaddle. But that's how they came. I said
		

			no VLAN and the word American. But if you try to take home ed or Aisha out of your daughter's life,
guess what's gonna happen, she's gonna leave. She's gonna pretend whomever is not in his life, Aisha
is not in life optimized not in his life, but she's still gonna meet. Because the real question you
need to ask as a parent is what is a need, that is being fulfilled by humera
		

			or Aisha or Fatima? What need of your child are they fulfilling, and try to identify that need, and
try to find a better alternative for that, so that the child is inspired. So it shouldn't be very
subtle, it shouldn't be very obvious. So number one, you become the role model. Number two, you find
the right type of company for him. And if you expose him long enough to the right type of company,
then our general nature is that will be inclined towards that, you will have to think of creative
ways to incentivize all of this. And lastly, the third point and I'll end with this is
		

			remember that the guidance so remember, guidance,
		

			truly, you know, sincerely praying for Allah subhanaw taala You cannot force your children to that.
It comes from Allah subhanaw taala. Allah subhanho wa Taala is the one who can give you, your child
that ability who can give your child that sense that nurturing that the child actually wants to pray
all the time? It's only Allah subhanaw taala who can do that? So you seek help from who you seek
help from Allah subhanaw taala in that, and last I will, I'll tell you three things you should never
do. Okay, three things you're doing three things you should never do with your child. Never ever
question if they tell you that they have prayed. Don't question your child, even if you know, even
		

			if you know for a fact that they didn't pray, don't question him. Because what's going to happen is
he is going to become a perpetual liar. And the reason for him becoming a liar is
		

			Trying to be you. And you pushing your child constantly and asking him and making him uncomfortable.
He's gonna say haha poorly. I prayed I prayed. And you know, he didn't owe to him. Nobody told him
You didn't pray and then you go and you check the sink and you know, I have had parents call me he's
like, you know, I checked the sink and the sink was dry. I know that she did not make what do I know
that he did not do? I'm like, Yeah, habibi. You're gonna get crazy like this. You have to start
trusting the child. Right? Even if they're lying Trust, the child needs to feel that my parents love
me selflessly. Why do you think they're trying to hide? Why do you think they're trying to hide this
		

			prayer from you? Because they don't trust you. They don't want they don't want because what's going
to happen is the child is going to come down and he's going to pray and then you're going to be
like, You guys seen? Oh, my God, what type of prayer is this? Oh, type it you know, why did you read
so fast rebury? Repeat your prayer again, like we don't even if the child comes down, he's gonna
hear 10 things about you, from you about his Salah. So he does not want to even do that and
publicly. So number one, never humiliate and question your child when they say I prayed. Number two,
very important, very important. Cleanse your heart, cleanse your heart. have any doubt don't doubt
		

			your child ever. Don't start like I mean, this is the lowest level of Eman that we have reached
where you as a parent, you start questioning your own child. I ajeeb like do not do that. Remove all
forms of divert from your heart. Don't doubt your child a bit. The child should feel selfless love.
And number three, do not investigate. Don't become those helicopter parents do not go around sitting
in the parking lot. You know, like a mother once called and she's like, oh, you know, I know because
I was sitting in the parking lot or and I saw my daughter she came out of the school loosening
jargony pinata. She was not wearing hijab and then she went here and you're like, Yeah, Habibi,
		

			please do so do me a favor, right? Focus on your ibadah. But now your daughter is a teenager, she is
1514 She is fully responsible. You need to have conversations with her about taking the
responsibility that Allah has placed on her do not become investigative parents, because that
shatters all the trust foundation with your child.
		

			And lastly, I will leave you with this tip, which is very important for us. All of us. Love your
child selflessly. Even if they become unfortunately, if they go off track I've had I'm dealing with
a current situation where a child has a lot of doubts and he might leave Islam. I told the parents
that all he wants from you is unconditional love, where if you leave Islam or you stay in Islam, I'm
going to love you unconditionally. Because that is one thing you can do that will ensure that he
will always come back to you. But the minute you drop your unconditional love for the child, you're
gone, you've lost him. You've lost your child completely.
		

			Why they consider him or her to love the right man.
		

			So just like a locker, I know it's a little bit of a long topic. But I have received a lot of
comments and questions in the past. I would say a week ever since we're going into the lockdown and
people are losing it. And I just thought that you know parents don't lose it on your children. Love
them, take care of them. And everything is going to turn around and make dua to Allah subhanaw taala
because only he can change your heart and make you a role model for them and he can change their
heart and they can start practicing Inshallah, Solomonic Allah