Adnan Rajeh – English Tafseer Halaqah- Surat Al-Tahreem #2

Adnan Rajeh
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The importance of creating a unit and family for healthy living is emphasized, along with the need for parents to understand their mental health and behavior. They need to protect their children from mental health and behavior, and provide a partner with support. The importance of trusting one's words and sharing sensitive information is emphasized, along with the need for parents to know their mental health and behavior. The importance of finding a partner who is willing to help and gives support is emphasized, as well as finding a partner who is willing to help and gives support. The central universal surah provides a brief description of " protective" and " protective" in Arabic language.

AI: Summary ©

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			So tonight
		
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			we're going to continue from where we left
		
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			off in Surah Al Taherim where we stopped
		
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			at ayah number 3. I didn't
		
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			conclude
		
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			all the points from
		
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			what I wanted to talk about
		
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			last time, so I'm gonna just do that
		
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			now and then we'll continue reciting
		
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			4 and 56.
		
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			You may get probably get to the end
		
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			of the page inshallah
		
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			tonight. So
		
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			Surah Taherim, the final surah in this cluster
		
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			from Mujadilat Taherim. This the the the surahs
		
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			that I've talked about,
		
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			aspects of organising the Muslim society.
		
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			Organisation
		
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			that occurs on the individual level and it
		
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			occurs also on the communal level. And
		
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			I've, kind of, summarized this a number of
		
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			times before, so I'm not gonna bore you
		
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			with that. But the final this final surah
		
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			talks about the the it talks about organizing
		
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			the the unit that which builds the Muslim
		
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			Ummah, which is the family. And it talks
		
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			about the the, you know, some ideas or
		
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			concepts or important
		
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			points to allow families to exist
		
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			in a healthy way. And the the way
		
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			families will will exist in a healthy way,
		
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			the way families will succeed and prosper is
		
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			going to be through,
		
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			spouses that, whom or spouses who understand what
		
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			their rights and obligations are within the marriage.
		
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			And are in it for the right reason,
		
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			with the right mentality, the right mindset.
		
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			That's how you make sure that you'll have
		
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			a unit, a family unit. The kids kids
		
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			are the product of whatever
		
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			whatever the parents are, whatever the parents do,
		
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			whatever society they grow up in.
		
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			Now kids do vary obviously. Some more difficult
		
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			than others. But at the end,
		
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			they can't really
		
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			outgrow whatever environment their parents
		
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			put them in. So if the parents are
		
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			functional, if the spouses are functional, then then
		
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			they will be functional and the family will
		
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			succeed.
		
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			And if they're not, then they won't. And
		
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			there's no such thing as a perfect family
		
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			or a perfect relationship or
		
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			a perfect method of upbringing.
		
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			I know that today we enjoy talking about
		
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			these things a little bit more than we
		
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			should, and I watch.
		
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			Sometimes young couple young couples,
		
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			they try and and do something different with
		
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			their children.
		
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			And I enjoy watching it because it has
		
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			never worked before.
		
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			Shielding your children from life doesn't work.
		
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			Over
		
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			scheduling their lives to the point where they
		
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			don't
		
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			have any free time or their free time
		
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			is very limited or they don't don't have
		
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			the ability just to walk out the back
		
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			door and just
		
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			take a stick and dig a hole or
		
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			stare at a dead bird or
		
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			walk behind them. If they don't do these
		
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			things and they don't understand what life really
		
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			is Like this is this is important. I
		
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			think I think there's I was having this
		
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			conversation the other day and I think there's
		
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			When you
		
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			If if you really
		
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			dedicate yourself day and night for your children,
		
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			yeah you can get them
		
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			enhanced speaking skills at a younger age. You
		
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			can get them some functional skills before their
		
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			time. You can get them all these things.
		
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			But but what they end up losing out
		
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			on are the basic social skills of life.
		
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			And it's not just about how to
		
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			deal with people.
		
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			It's about being
		
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			Not being too vulnerable
		
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			regarding what life is
		
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			late, too late.
		
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			Children that So
		
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			if someone is born and they can't see,
		
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			if they don't see before a certain age,
		
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			then even if you give them eyesight, they
		
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			won't understand what they're seeing. Like they'll they'll
		
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			pluck their eyes out. Like they can't they
		
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			can't see because their brain is not wasn't
		
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			wired on a young age to be able
		
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			to process visual images. So if someone's born
		
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			blind, they have up to maybe there are
		
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			some some scientists say up to the 7
		
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			7 years of age. If they don't see
		
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			by then, then they'll never see. Same thing
		
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			goes with hearing. If they don't hear
		
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			within the first 5 to 6 years of
		
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			their lives, then even if you give them
		
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			hearing, they won't be able to really understand
		
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			what they're hearing.
		
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			They have to establish a language of some
		
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			sort whether it be sign, whether it be
		
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			anything so that their brains can grow. It
		
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			goes for a lot of other
		
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			skills as well. Children have to understand disappointment.
		
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			They have to understand rejection.
		
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			They have to understand boredom. They have to
		
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			they they have to actually go through those
		
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			feelings. And the best place for them to
		
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			go through those feelings is at home. It's
		
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			a it's a very
		
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			controlled environment. Here they can get bored and
		
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			rejected and and feel scared and threatened and
		
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			and feel
		
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			bad about themselves there because it because it's
		
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			Unless of course there's abuse in the house
		
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			and that's a whole different story. And by
		
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			the way, all the psychopaths and sociopaths, all
		
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			of them come from from homes where they
		
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			were abused. All of them. Like if if
		
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			you if you if you care about this
		
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			and I I You probably don't, but for
		
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			some silly reason years ago, I I took
		
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			interest in this aspect of human of human
		
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			life and I I became more interested interested
		
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			in the profiles of of of of serial
		
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			killers and people who will have like very
		
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			bizarre behaviors. Even and not just talking about
		
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			psychopaths
		
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			as in within the within the generic
		
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			sense of the word, but no. Talking about
		
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			people who end up becoming dictators and people
		
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			who become end up becoming
		
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			they always come from some from background where
		
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			there was abuse at a young age. And
		
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			you know, the younger the abuse and the
		
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			longer it went on for, the more likely
		
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			this person will have these tendencies later on.
		
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			So they need to be cared for and
		
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			they need to be properly watched. Like there
		
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			has to be more, you know, intention given
		
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			to them in order for them to be
		
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			able to function.
		
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			Otherwise,
		
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			life is going to dish out all these
		
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			feelings to you. So if you're trying to
		
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			shelter your child from them and you shelter
		
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			them from these feelings for too long, then
		
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			they don't know how to deal with them
		
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			later. And they won't know what it means.
		
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			They won't know what to do when someone
		
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			yells at them, or someone rejects them, or
		
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			someone mocks them, or someone They won't know
		
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			what to do because they were never equipped
		
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			with these
		
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			skills. So, if you're gonna shelter your child
		
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			and you're going to micromanage them, then you
		
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			know add that to the curriculum.
		
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			If you have to add that to the
		
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			curriculum because that's a part of life. Life
		
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			is filled with these because no way there
		
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			is no way around it.
		
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			No matter it's impossible for and if the
		
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			the later
		
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			children are subjected to these feelings, the less
		
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			likely it is that they'll know how to
		
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			deal with them.
		
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			The less likely they'll know how to deal
		
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			with them. And when a human being I'm
		
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			just I'm just saying this because there's a
		
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			lot of, you know,
		
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			traits today or or trends you can probably
		
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			pick up on as I as I talk
		
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			about this. And when a human being does
		
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			not know how to deal with something psychologically,
		
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			what do they do?
		
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			That's where they go down the substance abuse
		
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			path. That's where they become addicted. That's where
		
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			they that's where they go down addictions and
		
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			they become abusive because they don't know how
		
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			to deal with an emotion. They were never
		
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			They don't have the skills that to deal
		
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			with this emotion. Those emotion that they don't
		
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			understand or this behavior that they don't comprehend,
		
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			they don't have the skills that to deal
		
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			with causes
		
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			a heightened amount of anxiety because they don't
		
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			know what to do with it, they were
		
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			not prepared for it. No one told them.
		
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			So And a lot of anxiety causes the
		
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			human being to pick up bad habits
		
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			and they walk down
		
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			the path of looking for different types of
		
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			addictions. Whatever they are. Something can be social
		
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			addictions, they can be physical addictions, and they
		
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			can be substance addictions. It doesn't matter, they'll
		
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			find something.
		
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			So really as a parent what your job
		
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			is, is to make sure that your child
		
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			is
		
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			being exposed to all of the different
		
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			all the varieties
		
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			of feeling that life can offer. What what
		
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			can I offer? Yeah. A lot of nice
		
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			stuff, but a lot of bad stuff as
		
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			well. So you have to allow them to
		
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			I'm not saying that you have to dish
		
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			out the bad stuff, but don't shelter them
		
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			from it to the degree where they don't
		
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			understand what to do, where they don't know
		
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			how to process
		
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			someone being mean or someone rejecting them.
		
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			I am not encouraging bullying.
		
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			What I'm trying to say is that if
		
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			your child is not socially equipped to deal
		
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			with this problem, it will harm them in
		
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			a way it shouldn't.
		
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			It will harm This will harm them in
		
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			a way it it should not because they
		
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			should have the ability to deal with this.
		
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			It's a part of being alive. If you're
		
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			alive, as you grow up you're going to
		
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			be
		
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			people are gonna pick on you. People are
		
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			going to push your
		
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			push your boundaries, push your limits. You have
		
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			to know what to do about that. Sometimes
		
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			it's gonna be way bigger than you.
		
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			Sometimes it'll be 3 times your size.
		
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			Swinging a punch is not the smartest thing
		
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			for them to do at that moment. So
		
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			they have to learn ways to actually deal
		
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			with this stuff and this is a part
		
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			of just being alive. If you're alive that's
		
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			what you're gonna have. So we shield children
		
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			from this. We shield them from life basically.
		
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			They can be academically very advanced and very
		
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			They have skill sets that are amazing but
		
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			they will struggle later.
		
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			What do you think the human being wants
		
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			at the end? What do you think the
		
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			CEO of the company wants and the dictator
		
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			of the country wants and the the scientist
		
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			in the lab wants? They want a stable
		
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			social life. They want to be able to
		
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			ace their relationships.
		
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			They want to feel loved and they want
		
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			to be able to offer love appropriately. This
		
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			is what human beings want on a on
		
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			a simple social level and if they don't
		
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			have that then they're not happy. It doesn't
		
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			matter how much money they have or how
		
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			successful or how famous. This is what every
		
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			human being looks for. They look for these
		
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			basic stuff. Now I'm saying that because what
		
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			when Islam focuses heavily on the family and
		
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			focuses so much in the Quran on the
		
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			spouses and on the respect and on the
		
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			obligations and on the rights and how people
		
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			should speak to one another, how they think
		
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			about one
		
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			another. There's a reason for this. There's a
		
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			reason because once you learn how to do
		
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			that well, you can run a family that
		
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			is functional. You have a functional family then
		
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			the unit is stable and your children can
		
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			grow up in a family where they can
		
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			experience life appropriately and they can grow up
		
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			to be normal human beings. They can and
		
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			they can process information. They can deal with
		
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			life as is dished out to them and
		
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			they can move on.
		
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			And without that then they'll be And these
		
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			verses by the way that we're reciting that's
		
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			talking about this were revealed at a time
		
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			when
		
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			really
		
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			only the genetically
		
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			honey, advanced and extremely
		
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			wealthy would survive.
		
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			Like only only maybe a 100 years ago
		
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			or less than a 100 years ago. No,
		
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			it's much less than a 100 years. Did
		
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			we actually
		
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			were we as the human race able to
		
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			change the, the the the rate of,
		
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			of of child deaths at birth
		
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			and and and, you know, for some postpartum
		
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			deaths from from both the mother and and
		
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			the and the children.
		
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			Before this, it was very very common, like
		
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			before we did this a couple of you
		
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			know, decades ago, it was very common for
		
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			a couple to have 4 children and have
		
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			lost 3.
		
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			It's very very common. Like it happened all
		
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			the time. You can ask your dad about
		
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			his mother.
		
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			How many children did she have? Was it
		
00:10:28 --> 00:10:29
			just the number that he had or was
		
00:10:29 --> 00:10:30
			it usually like was 2 or 3 of
		
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			them die when they were a couple of
		
00:10:32 --> 00:10:32
			months old
		
00:10:33 --> 00:10:35
			or any stillbirths or whatnot. It wasn't very
		
00:10:35 --> 00:10:37
			common. It was hard to do this. So
		
00:10:37 --> 00:10:38
			people had a lot of children and many
		
00:10:38 --> 00:10:40
			of them would die at a very young
		
00:10:40 --> 00:10:41
			age. So only the ones who are very
		
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			strong would actually make it through.
		
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			These verses were revealed to people who were
		
00:10:47 --> 00:10:49
			in that era and also were living in
		
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			the desert.
		
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			They were living in the desert where it's
		
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			where the
		
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			I mean the temperature
		
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			and the environmental
		
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			causes are extremely,
		
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			they're not they're not kind. They're very very
		
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			difficult.
		
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			And only
		
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			what I'm trying to say is life was
		
00:11:05 --> 00:11:08
			already hard back then. It was already hard.
		
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			And still the Quran will emphasize the importance
		
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			of the detailed
		
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			relationships
		
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			pieces between the spouses. The detailed stuff.
		
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			You can only so here's where we don't
		
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			understand. Here's my opinion where we don't understand
		
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			the context of the Quran well. We hear
		
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			the Quran talking about the details
		
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			of the relationships
		
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			between men and women. At a time where
		
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			we are in luxury and we have the
		
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			luxury to actually do that. We have this
		
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			time to talk about these things. We fail
		
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			to recognize that these verses were revealed at
		
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			a time where no one cared about these
		
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			things. Where no one talked about that stuff.
		
00:11:45 --> 00:11:46
			People were way too tough to talk about
		
00:11:46 --> 00:11:47
			these things.
		
00:11:47 --> 00:11:50
			People were way too tough and way too
		
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			rigid to actually have a conversation about
		
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			how you're going to speak to your spouse,
		
00:11:54 --> 00:11:55
			how what you're going to reveal, what you're
		
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			going to think about, how you're going to
		
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			do it. Because what are you talking about?
		
00:11:58 --> 00:12:01
			We What are you? Are you insane? If
		
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			we can make sure that we feed our
		
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			children throughout the day and none of them
		
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			get eaten by a snake or bitten by
		
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			a
		
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			by a scorpion or or taken away by
		
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			a by a wolf and we don't end
		
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			up being raided or killed by people, then
		
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			that was a good day. That's one day,
		
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			one day we made an extra day. You're
		
00:12:15 --> 00:12:17
			here to tell me that I should speak
		
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			like this and think like this and
		
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			We don't have the luxury to think about
		
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			that. They didn't and they were being told
		
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			by the Quran to do that. So this
		
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			is the context that I think is missing
		
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			for a lot of people who read the
		
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			Quran is important. That the Quran came and
		
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			talked to them at a time where they
		
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			didn't have the luxury to think about these
		
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			things. Where life was way too difficult to
		
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			care about
		
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			how a wife and he thought about her
		
00:12:37 --> 00:12:39
			husband, what she did, and how she behaved,
		
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			and how he responded, and what he said.
		
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			These details, life was way too difficult for
		
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			that to be a matter to matter at
		
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			all. For us today, when I talk to
		
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			you about it, like, Yeah, that's really cool.
		
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			You know, the fact that
		
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			For example, the example that I gave you.
		
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			Two lessons that we have in these three
		
00:12:54 --> 00:12:56
			verses that the Prophet made
		
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			forbidden for himself something that was not forbidden
		
00:12:59 --> 00:13:01
			and was not problematic just to please the
		
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			spouse and their spouse and the Quran said,
		
00:13:03 --> 00:13:06
			Don't do that. Don't deprive yourself from something
		
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			that is unnecessarily.
		
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			That bears no
		
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			benefit just because someone is No. Don't do
		
00:13:11 --> 00:13:13
			that. You're gonna end up This is gonna
		
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			cause resentment later, so don't do it. No
		
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			one back then cared about these things. Like
		
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			this was this was What are you talking
		
00:13:18 --> 00:13:20
			about? Why would he, Yuharrim
		
00:13:20 --> 00:13:23
			A'Hallallah hula, first of all? Like why would
		
00:13:23 --> 00:13:24
			you, You Rasulullah, even do that? That makes
		
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			no sense at all to most people. And
		
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			then why would Allah come and say, No.
		
00:13:27 --> 00:13:28
			Don't do it.
		
00:13:29 --> 00:13:31
			Who is Who has time for this? Who
		
00:13:31 --> 00:13:33
			has time for this? There's 10,000 Confederates that
		
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			are marching towards Medina to kill everybody. You're
		
00:13:36 --> 00:13:38
			talking about, okay let's No. Don't say this.
		
00:13:38 --> 00:13:40
			Yes. Yes. Yes. That's exactly what the Quran
		
00:13:40 --> 00:13:42
			is saying. Yes. Hold on.
		
00:13:42 --> 00:13:44
			Dig the trench, but in the same time,
		
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			make sure that you don't do these. Why?
		
00:13:46 --> 00:13:49
			Because these matter. So back then when this
		
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			was being revealed to them, it was teaching
		
00:13:50 --> 00:13:53
			them that these things matter. These details, these
		
00:13:53 --> 00:13:56
			adab, the etiquette of how to
		
00:13:56 --> 00:13:59
			how to treat your your your significant other
		
00:13:59 --> 00:14:00
			and what to think and what not to
		
00:14:00 --> 00:14:02
			think, what to say, what not to say,
		
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			and how to go by things. Very important
		
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			to to us. To us it sounds cool.
		
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			Like when I tell you the story, I
		
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			I'm I I listen to it and I
		
00:14:08 --> 00:14:11
			find it helpful because we need these things
		
00:14:11 --> 00:14:12
			in our homes. But there's a piece of
		
00:14:12 --> 00:14:14
			context here that you should that will make
		
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			this much more meaningful. That these were revealed
		
00:14:16 --> 00:14:18
			at a time where no one cared about
		
00:14:18 --> 00:14:20
			this stuff. Where there was no such thing.
		
00:14:20 --> 00:14:22
			Where men did not take any time to
		
00:14:22 --> 00:14:24
			care of what their wives wanted or didn't
		
00:14:24 --> 00:14:24
			want.
		
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			Where
		
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			it just wasn't there.
		
00:14:28 --> 00:14:29
			It just wasn't there. And
		
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			especially
		
00:14:32 --> 00:14:34
			if you come from a background that is
		
00:14:34 --> 00:14:36
			a bit rural in the world. A bit
		
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			rural
		
00:14:37 --> 00:14:39
			from the sun from from the, countryside. Just
		
00:14:39 --> 00:14:41
			go a generation back and ask.
		
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			Just go You don't have to go 1400
		
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			years back into history. I promise you. It
		
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			doesn't have to go that far. Just go
		
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			one generation back and ask. Ask your grandmother
		
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			and your grandfather
		
00:14:51 --> 00:14:53
			about what the rules were and how they
		
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			lived and you'll find it very difficult. Very
		
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			different. Very different. And the Quran came so
		
00:14:58 --> 00:14:59
			a millennium and a half ago to talk
		
00:14:59 --> 00:15:02
			about no, no, you need to These details
		
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			matter. These details matter. Yes, you're poor. Yes,
		
00:15:04 --> 00:15:05
			you're struggling. Yes. You can barely
		
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08
			make ends meet, and it's a very scary
		
00:15:08 --> 00:15:09
			and and and harsh
		
00:15:10 --> 00:15:13
			landscape and life that you're living, but still
		
00:15:13 --> 00:15:13
			still
		
00:15:17 --> 00:15:17
			No.
		
00:15:18 --> 00:15:20
			Don't don't do that. That's gonna that's gonna
		
00:15:20 --> 00:15:22
			help you in no way. It's gonna make
		
00:15:22 --> 00:15:22
			things worse.
		
00:15:23 --> 00:15:25
			Now the the second lesson, which is I
		
00:15:25 --> 00:15:27
			didn't con conclude last time I'm gonna include
		
00:15:27 --> 00:15:29
			for you last this time. The third ayah,
		
00:15:31 --> 00:15:32
			we've decided this talked about
		
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			it. So the Prophet alaihi wasalam he was
		
00:15:37 --> 00:15:39
			told that your breath was this.
		
00:15:41 --> 00:15:42
			Unjustly he didn't have a problem with his
		
00:15:42 --> 00:15:45
			breath with the the honey was fine. He
		
00:15:45 --> 00:15:45
			told
		
00:15:46 --> 00:15:48
			Hafsa don't I will never eat from it
		
00:15:48 --> 00:15:50
			again I swear. But don't tell anyone that
		
00:15:50 --> 00:15:52
			I made this oath. I don't want this
		
00:15:52 --> 00:15:54
			oath that I'm taking to make it over
		
00:15:54 --> 00:15:55
			to Zainab's ears and then she'll be hurt
		
00:15:55 --> 00:15:56
			because I'm not gonna Just just keep it
		
00:15:56 --> 00:15:58
			between us but I won't do anymore. She
		
00:15:58 --> 00:16:00
			didn't. She went and she and she told
		
00:16:00 --> 00:16:02
			Aisha and then then of course it spilled
		
00:16:02 --> 00:16:04
			out to others. Everyone knew about it. Yeah.
		
00:16:04 --> 00:16:05
			Once
		
00:16:07 --> 00:16:07
			naba'atbihi
		
00:16:07 --> 00:16:09
			once Hafsa his wife.
		
00:16:11 --> 00:16:12
			So Look at the other of the Quran.
		
00:16:12 --> 00:16:13
			The Quran didn't point out it was Hafsa.
		
00:16:14 --> 00:16:16
			Right? The Quran didn't even know it's known
		
00:16:16 --> 00:16:17
			that it was her. Our ul Khattab would
		
00:16:17 --> 00:16:18
			say, It was my daughter. I know the
		
00:16:18 --> 00:16:20
			story. He told the story. It's like, No,
		
00:16:20 --> 00:16:21
			it's my daughter. She's the one who did
		
00:16:21 --> 00:16:22
			this. Who did this? But why not the
		
00:16:22 --> 00:16:24
			The Quran wouldn't wouldn't want The Quran doesn't
		
00:16:24 --> 00:16:26
			like to point out good people in bad
		
00:16:26 --> 00:16:28
			in bad way. Everyone makes mistakes. There's no
		
00:16:28 --> 00:16:30
			point of of shaming someone for the rest
		
00:16:30 --> 00:16:31
			of their life. So
		
00:16:31 --> 00:16:32
			and
		
00:16:32 --> 00:16:34
			one of his one of his wives, he
		
00:16:34 --> 00:16:36
			had he had a conversation, a secret and
		
00:16:36 --> 00:16:37
			confidence conversation.
		
00:16:39 --> 00:16:41
			And once when she went and she
		
00:16:41 --> 00:16:43
			she exposed his secret, she said what he
		
00:16:43 --> 00:16:45
			asked her very clearly not to
		
00:16:45 --> 00:16:46
			expose. And
		
00:16:48 --> 00:16:50
			Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala told him about this.
		
00:16:50 --> 00:16:52
			Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala told the Prophet alaihis
		
00:16:52 --> 00:16:53
			salam this is what happened. Jibreel came and
		
00:16:53 --> 00:16:55
			said here's what happened.
		
00:16:55 --> 00:16:57
			Aisha did this. They said this so that
		
00:16:57 --> 00:16:59
			you would do this. You did this. You
		
00:16:59 --> 00:17:00
			told her not to. She went and she
		
00:17:00 --> 00:17:02
			told everyone knows and then Jibreel left. So
		
00:17:02 --> 00:17:04
			the Prophet alaihis salam now has the full
		
00:17:04 --> 00:17:06
			the full picture. So once he
		
00:17:08 --> 00:17:08
			knew
		
00:17:09 --> 00:17:11
			He let her know that he knew
		
00:17:12 --> 00:17:13
			some of it
		
00:17:14 --> 00:17:16
			and he shied away from letting her know
		
00:17:16 --> 00:17:17
			that she knew some of it. Like he
		
00:17:17 --> 00:17:19
			didn't tell her that I know everything by
		
00:17:19 --> 00:17:20
			the way. No. He just told her what
		
00:17:20 --> 00:17:22
			he knew. What he wanted her,
		
00:17:23 --> 00:17:24
			to change. Like he told her what he
		
00:17:24 --> 00:17:25
			thought was important.
		
00:17:25 --> 00:17:28
			He pointed out to her that I asked
		
00:17:28 --> 00:17:29
			you to keep this in confidence
		
00:17:29 --> 00:17:32
			and that's important. For trust to grow here,
		
00:17:32 --> 00:17:33
			we have to be able to keep secrets
		
00:17:33 --> 00:17:34
			for each other. If if I can't trust
		
00:17:34 --> 00:17:35
			you with something, it's gonna be a problem.
		
00:17:35 --> 00:17:37
			And of course, the prophet alaihis salaam Yeah.
		
00:17:37 --> 00:17:39
			And he trusted his wives and he continued
		
00:17:39 --> 00:17:42
			to he continued to trust his wives with
		
00:17:42 --> 00:17:44
			his secrets all his life alaihis salaam till
		
00:17:44 --> 00:17:45
			the day he died. And this is known
		
00:17:45 --> 00:17:47
			and this is not even up for it's
		
00:17:47 --> 00:17:48
			not for up for debate Islamically. The prophet
		
00:17:48 --> 00:17:50
			alaihis salam had full trust in all of
		
00:17:50 --> 00:17:51
			his wives. Even when even when Hafsa did
		
00:17:51 --> 00:17:54
			this, he didn't stop trusting her. He just
		
00:17:54 --> 00:17:55
			He
		
00:17:55 --> 00:17:57
			just pointed out that he didn't he didn't
		
00:17:57 --> 00:17:58
			appreciate the fact that she did that.
		
00:17:59 --> 00:18:01
			He didn't go and tell her and by
		
00:18:01 --> 00:18:03
			the way, this whole shenanigan that you and
		
00:18:03 --> 00:18:05
			Aisha put together to stop me from eating,
		
00:18:05 --> 00:18:07
			I know about as well. Shame on you.
		
00:18:07 --> 00:18:08
			No,
		
00:18:08 --> 00:18:10
			he ignored that piece alaihis salatu wasalam.
		
00:18:11 --> 00:18:13
			So Hafzal 'Aisha did not know that the
		
00:18:13 --> 00:18:15
			Prophet alaihis salatu wa sallam knew
		
00:18:16 --> 00:18:18
			about the fact that they had conspired.
		
00:18:19 --> 00:18:22
			They had a plot. They didn't know. They
		
00:18:22 --> 00:18:24
			found out when he was reading Surat Taheem
		
00:18:24 --> 00:18:26
			in one of the salawats. That's how they
		
00:18:26 --> 00:18:28
			found out. When they heard the Prophet alaihis
		
00:18:28 --> 00:18:31
			salaam reciting the verses You Aniv out loud.
		
00:18:32 --> 00:18:33
			Falamalabaahabi
		
00:18:36 --> 00:18:37
			when he told her that
		
00:18:38 --> 00:18:39
			you shouldn't
		
00:18:39 --> 00:18:41
			tell the secret. She
		
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44
			said, Who told you that I told her
		
00:18:44 --> 00:18:45
			that night?
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:48
			The one who told me is the omniscient
		
00:18:48 --> 00:18:50
			and the one who knows all. The one
		
00:18:50 --> 00:18:52
			who knows Al Aleem is an umbrella name
		
00:18:52 --> 00:18:54
			for the one the all knowing. The omniscient,
		
00:18:54 --> 00:18:56
			right? The all knowing. Al Khabeer
		
00:18:56 --> 00:18:57
			is
		
00:18:57 --> 00:19:00
			a name that fits under that umbrella that
		
00:19:01 --> 00:19:02
			is used when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is
		
00:19:02 --> 00:19:03
			talking about intentions.
		
00:19:04 --> 00:19:06
			When Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wants to talk
		
00:19:06 --> 00:19:08
			about something that exists inside the heart and
		
00:19:08 --> 00:19:10
			the soul and the spirit that doesn't have
		
00:19:10 --> 00:19:13
			any physical like there's no physical footprint for
		
00:19:13 --> 00:19:14
			whatever it is going on, he'll use his
		
00:19:14 --> 00:19:16
			name, Khabir. Al Latif, he'll use it to
		
00:19:16 --> 00:19:18
			talk about knowing things that are very very
		
00:19:18 --> 00:19:21
			small like the details that are easily missed,
		
00:19:21 --> 00:19:23
			he'll use the name Latif. Samiya he use
		
00:19:23 --> 00:19:24
			it when he talking about something that can
		
00:19:24 --> 00:19:26
			be heard. Al Balsayr talking about something can
		
00:19:26 --> 00:19:28
			be seen. So all of these names
		
00:19:30 --> 00:19:31
			There's a lot of names. So Al 'alim
		
00:19:31 --> 00:19:33
			is the umbrella name that means the omniscient.
		
00:19:33 --> 00:19:35
			So sometimes he'll use the the you know
		
00:19:35 --> 00:19:36
			the umbrella name and then the name after
		
00:19:36 --> 00:19:38
			that just to point out that there's a
		
00:19:38 --> 00:19:40
			little bit there's a detail here. Al Khabeel.
		
00:19:41 --> 00:19:43
			That he knew a detail about why Aisha
		
00:19:43 --> 00:19:44
			and why Hafsa did what they did.
		
00:19:45 --> 00:19:47
			Like the reason that they actually wanted this
		
00:19:47 --> 00:19:48
			happen which which was they they didn't they
		
00:19:48 --> 00:19:50
			didn't like the prophet alaihis salam going to
		
00:19:50 --> 00:19:52
			Zainab's home too many times.
		
00:19:55 --> 00:19:56
			So insulah,
		
00:19:57 --> 00:19:57
			Haifa
		
00:19:59 --> 00:20:00
			alaihis salam
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:02
			knew about the whole story. That's how they
		
00:20:02 --> 00:20:03
			would they would figure it out. He didn't
		
00:20:03 --> 00:20:05
			say it himself alaihis salam
		
00:20:06 --> 00:20:08
			So the two lessons in this one. Number
		
00:20:08 --> 00:20:10
			1 is is is expecting the confidentiality.
		
00:20:11 --> 00:20:13
			What happens inside a home that is in
		
00:20:13 --> 00:20:16
			confidence between spouses should stay there.
		
00:20:17 --> 00:20:18
			It should stay there. You should not be
		
00:20:18 --> 00:20:20
			sharing this with anyone. You may have the
		
00:20:20 --> 00:20:22
			urge to share it with someone.
		
00:20:23 --> 00:20:24
			Exciting news
		
00:20:24 --> 00:20:26
			and saddening news
		
00:20:26 --> 00:20:28
			are 2 types of news that we have
		
00:20:28 --> 00:20:31
			a massive urge to share with people in
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:34
			our lives. A massive urge, you have no
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:34
			idea,
		
00:20:36 --> 00:20:37
			Or you do probably, but it it it's
		
00:20:37 --> 00:20:39
			very difficult to keep it to yourself,
		
00:20:40 --> 00:20:43
			and what happens inside a household many times
		
00:20:43 --> 00:20:44
			will be one of the of one of
		
00:20:44 --> 00:20:45
			those two natures.
		
00:20:46 --> 00:20:47
			Like a lot of times in a household
		
00:20:47 --> 00:20:49
			you'll have news that will be one of
		
00:20:49 --> 00:20:52
			these two natures. Either very exciting news, so
		
00:20:52 --> 00:20:54
			you want everyone to know. Sometimes it's not
		
00:20:54 --> 00:20:56
			it's not appropriate to let everyone know about
		
00:20:56 --> 00:20:59
			this. Or saddening news where you also want
		
00:20:59 --> 00:21:01
			to and you have to be careful with
		
00:21:01 --> 00:21:02
			what you share.
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:04
			I can tell you that when you share
		
00:21:04 --> 00:21:05
			your news,
		
00:21:05 --> 00:21:08
			you share something in confidence to others,
		
00:21:09 --> 00:21:12
			you gain almost you gain nothing, you lose
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:13
			a lot.
		
00:21:13 --> 00:21:15
			You gain very little, you lose a lot
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:18
			because unless you are sharing it with your
		
00:21:18 --> 00:21:18
			therapist
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21
			or you're sharing it with someone who
		
00:21:21 --> 00:21:23
			is there as a mentor to kind of
		
00:21:23 --> 00:21:24
			guide you because you are completely lost. You
		
00:21:24 --> 00:21:26
			don't know what to do. Then people are
		
00:21:26 --> 00:21:29
			just getting insight into your home. They're finding
		
00:21:29 --> 00:21:31
			things about you and they're enjoying finding things
		
00:21:31 --> 00:21:33
			about about you and they enjoy knowing that
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:35
			things aren't working. It's not all working. Well,
		
00:21:35 --> 00:21:37
			whatever. The people are what? You are. You
		
00:21:37 --> 00:21:39
			don't do that. You have to keep the,
		
00:21:39 --> 00:21:40
			you have to keep
		
00:21:40 --> 00:21:42
			the curtain down. What happens inside has to
		
00:21:42 --> 00:21:44
			stay inside. It's between This is the specificity
		
00:21:45 --> 00:21:46
			of of the house of
		
00:21:47 --> 00:21:50
			the house. Between the spouses, what happens has
		
00:21:50 --> 00:21:53
			to stay there. That's why my opinion, what
		
00:21:54 --> 00:21:56
			men and women should learn before they go
		
00:21:56 --> 00:21:58
			into marriage first. It's just what is the
		
00:21:58 --> 00:22:00
			definition of abuse
		
00:22:00 --> 00:22:02
			because that's really all that matters. As long
		
00:22:02 --> 00:22:03
			as you're not being abused,
		
00:22:04 --> 00:22:06
			then whatever happens should stay inside the household.
		
00:22:06 --> 00:22:08
			You just figure it out there and you
		
00:22:08 --> 00:22:10
			should be able to go back and share
		
00:22:10 --> 00:22:12
			with the person it taught and keep
		
00:22:12 --> 00:22:14
			things confidential or else
		
00:22:15 --> 00:22:18
			households that don't do that end up, you
		
00:22:18 --> 00:22:20
			know, suffering in the long run. If people
		
00:22:20 --> 00:22:21
			know your business,
		
00:22:22 --> 00:22:23
			if a lot of people in your family
		
00:22:23 --> 00:22:25
			know what's happening between 2 people,
		
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28
			the sanctity of this relationship starts to kind
		
00:22:28 --> 00:22:30
			of melt away. It starts to go. It
		
00:22:30 --> 00:22:33
			starts to, you know, shluff off. You don't
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:34
			want
		
00:22:34 --> 00:22:36
			that to be your situation in your marriage.
		
00:22:36 --> 00:22:38
			So and I say this
		
00:22:39 --> 00:22:40
			to sisters more
		
00:22:40 --> 00:22:42
			because they're the ones who tend more to
		
00:22:42 --> 00:22:44
			want to talk about things than
		
00:22:45 --> 00:22:46
			men tend not to do this as much,
		
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47
			and when they do by the way other
		
00:22:47 --> 00:22:49
			men shut them up because we don't want
		
00:22:49 --> 00:22:50
			to know. Like I don't want him to
		
00:22:50 --> 00:22:52
			talk to me about his problem marriage, but
		
00:22:52 --> 00:22:53
			I have enough. I don't need his. Like
		
00:22:53 --> 00:22:54
			I don't need him to tell me his.
		
00:22:54 --> 00:22:56
			I don't care. Like honestly, I'm not coming
		
00:22:56 --> 00:22:57
			to sit with you till you can tell
		
00:22:57 --> 00:22:59
			me your problems. I'm here so that we
		
00:22:59 --> 00:23:00
			don't think about them for half an hour
		
00:23:00 --> 00:23:01
			or we can do something different. So it's
		
00:23:01 --> 00:23:03
			a little bit different. Now it does happen
		
00:23:03 --> 00:23:04
			but I'm saying it's a little bit different.
		
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06
			But for sisters it happens more often. So
		
00:23:06 --> 00:23:08
			be careful Who it is you share things
		
00:23:08 --> 00:23:10
			with and what you share, why you share
		
00:23:10 --> 00:23:12
			it. These things matter because if not, then
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:14
			all you're doing is just you're breaching confidentiality.
		
00:23:15 --> 00:23:17
			If you don't do it correct If you
		
00:23:17 --> 00:23:18
			don't know exactly what you're doing, all you
		
00:23:18 --> 00:23:20
			end up doing is just breaching the confidentiality
		
00:23:21 --> 00:23:23
			of what happened inside the household and that
		
00:23:23 --> 00:23:25
			can cause a lot of problems
		
00:23:25 --> 00:23:27
			within within a marriage. It can cause it
		
00:23:27 --> 00:23:28
			can cause a lot of problems in a
		
00:23:28 --> 00:23:31
			marriage and this can take away from what
		
00:23:31 --> 00:23:33
			your husband you and your husband actually have
		
00:23:33 --> 00:23:35
			to be careful. The third lesson that is
		
00:23:35 --> 00:23:36
			that the Prophet
		
00:23:36 --> 00:23:38
			didn't he didn't
		
00:23:38 --> 00:23:40
			expose all that he knew.
		
00:23:40 --> 00:23:42
			He didn't expose all that he knew. Why?
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:45
			Because he didn't care to be right alaihi
		
00:23:45 --> 00:23:46
			wasallahu alaihi wasallam.
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:48
			Like his goal was not to rub it
		
00:23:48 --> 00:23:50
			in, was not to show the other person
		
00:23:50 --> 00:23:52
			that they were wrong, was not to put
		
00:23:52 --> 00:23:54
			them in a position where they felt embarrassed
		
00:23:54 --> 00:23:56
			with themselves because they did something. No. His
		
00:23:56 --> 00:23:58
			goal was to maintain his relationship with his
		
00:23:58 --> 00:24:00
			wife. He wanted to have a good relationship.
		
00:24:00 --> 00:24:02
			The problem here is not the conspiring piece.
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:04
			That piece, he gets it alayhi salatu wa
		
00:24:04 --> 00:24:06
			sallam. It's a mistake. She knows it's a
		
00:24:06 --> 00:24:08
			mistake. He knows I don't need to go
		
00:24:08 --> 00:24:09
			into this. The problem that he needs to
		
00:24:09 --> 00:24:10
			fix is the confidentiality
		
00:24:11 --> 00:24:12
			piece. If I tell you it's a secret,
		
00:24:12 --> 00:24:13
			you have to keep it. I can't or
		
00:24:13 --> 00:24:14
			else I can't trust you and that can
		
00:24:14 --> 00:24:16
			ruin things. So he just pointed out that
		
00:24:16 --> 00:24:17
			piece. He didn't talk to her about the
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:19
			fact that you and Aisha conspired. And I
		
00:24:19 --> 00:24:21
			said this last time and I'll tell you
		
00:24:21 --> 00:24:21
			it again.
		
00:24:22 --> 00:24:24
			I absolutely could not put myself in a
		
00:24:24 --> 00:24:26
			position where I could do this. I tried
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27
			many times. Like I ran this scenario in
		
00:24:27 --> 00:24:29
			my mind a million times, not once was
		
00:24:29 --> 00:24:30
			I able to actually come to the Google
		
00:24:30 --> 00:24:31
			where I would do this, where I would
		
00:24:31 --> 00:24:33
			actually just act like I didn't know if
		
00:24:33 --> 00:24:35
			I found this out. That would be the
		
00:24:35 --> 00:24:37
			only thing. I would actually forget the confidentiality
		
00:24:37 --> 00:24:39
			piece probably altogether and talked about it a
		
00:24:39 --> 00:24:40
			week later when I remembered it. I would
		
00:24:40 --> 00:24:42
			be coming in full force to tell her
		
00:24:42 --> 00:24:43
			Yeah,
		
00:24:44 --> 00:24:46
			you lied. You conspired. You plotted. You tried
		
00:24:46 --> 00:24:47
			to He didn't
		
00:24:48 --> 00:24:50
			He didn't. And this shows you a certain
		
00:24:50 --> 00:24:53
			degree, a level of of maturity that he
		
00:24:53 --> 00:24:55
			had alaihis salam in his relationship that we
		
00:24:55 --> 00:24:57
			should learn from. And I think the the
		
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59
			message in it is that it doesn't matter
		
00:24:59 --> 00:25:01
			Like if you're in a marriage and your
		
00:25:01 --> 00:25:02
			goal is to be right,
		
00:25:03 --> 00:25:05
			then this is not gonna work. I I
		
00:25:05 --> 00:25:07
			give you the news that this will fail
		
00:25:07 --> 00:25:07
			at some point.
		
00:25:09 --> 00:25:11
			Unless one of you gives up. Unless one
		
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12
			of the 2 gives up on that doesn't
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:15
			care about anymore. Being within marriage, the the
		
00:25:15 --> 00:25:16
			goal is not to be correct. It's not
		
00:25:16 --> 00:25:18
			to be the right right the other person
		
00:25:18 --> 00:25:18
			That doesn't
		
00:25:19 --> 00:25:20
			work. You will learn this very quickly once
		
00:25:20 --> 00:25:22
			you have a business or you have a
		
00:25:22 --> 00:25:23
			partnership that matters where you're
		
00:25:24 --> 00:25:26
			Being right doesn't help.
		
00:25:26 --> 00:25:29
			It's helping everyone function and do their job
		
00:25:29 --> 00:25:30
			to the best of their ability.
		
00:25:31 --> 00:25:33
			If you're proving that people are wrong and
		
00:25:33 --> 00:25:34
			you are right, people are wrong, you are
		
00:25:34 --> 00:25:35
			right, their
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:38
			self esteem is dropping, their confidence in themselves
		
00:25:38 --> 00:25:40
			is dropping, their
		
00:25:40 --> 00:25:43
			enthusiasm to continue to do this is dropping,
		
00:25:43 --> 00:25:45
			they feel less trusted, they feel like you
		
00:25:45 --> 00:25:47
			end up having a weak partner. You don't
		
00:25:47 --> 00:25:49
			want a weak partner. You want a strong
		
00:25:49 --> 00:25:52
			partner if you understand what partnership is. If
		
00:25:52 --> 00:25:54
			you're in marriage with understanding what it means
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:54
			with this partnership,
		
00:25:55 --> 00:25:56
			then you want a strong partner. If you
		
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59
			continue to point out their flaws when you
		
00:25:59 --> 00:26:01
			have the ability to do so, like you
		
00:26:01 --> 00:26:02
			are right and they are wrong and it's
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:04
			obvious. If every time it's obvious you take
		
00:26:04 --> 00:26:06
			advantage of doing that, then they will become
		
00:26:06 --> 00:26:07
			weaker
		
00:26:07 --> 00:26:08
			with time.
		
00:26:08 --> 00:26:10
			And a weak partner
		
00:26:10 --> 00:26:11
			turns into a weak parent.
		
00:26:12 --> 00:26:13
			And a weak parent will not help you
		
00:26:13 --> 00:26:16
			with your children. And a weak partner will
		
00:26:16 --> 00:26:17
			not help you with your household. And a
		
00:26:17 --> 00:26:18
			weak partner will not help you with your
		
00:26:18 --> 00:26:21
			deen. A weak partner does not help with
		
00:26:21 --> 00:26:21
			any
		
00:26:22 --> 00:26:24
			And the both of you pay the price
		
00:26:24 --> 00:26:26
			for this. So be careful when you're trying
		
00:26:26 --> 00:26:29
			to trying to advance your relationship that the
		
00:26:29 --> 00:26:31
			point here is not to be right.
		
00:26:31 --> 00:26:33
			It's to help everyone,
		
00:26:34 --> 00:26:36
			you know, get to the finish line. We're
		
00:26:36 --> 00:26:37
			all trying to get
		
00:26:37 --> 00:26:39
			We're all trying to move forward. Try to
		
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40
			move forward.
		
00:26:40 --> 00:26:41
			And And if we're not trying to move
		
00:26:41 --> 00:26:43
			forward and I'm trying to point out that
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:43
			I know more
		
00:26:45 --> 00:26:48
			See this concept men have which where she
		
00:26:48 --> 00:26:49
			she has to come to the conclusion where
		
00:26:49 --> 00:26:50
			I I know more than her. She doesn't
		
00:26:50 --> 00:26:52
			know anything. Listen to me. It's not gonna
		
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53
			happen. It'll never
		
00:26:54 --> 00:26:56
			happen. If the Prophet alaihis salallam couldn't get
		
00:26:56 --> 00:26:58
			there, you can't. Alright? If he alaihis salallahu
		
00:26:58 --> 00:27:01
			alaihis salam. Right? With the daughter of Umar
		
00:27:01 --> 00:27:03
			ibn Khattab could not get there, then I
		
00:27:03 --> 00:27:05
			guarantee you. You ain't getting there. That's not
		
00:27:05 --> 00:27:06
			gonna happen. You're not gonna come to the
		
00:27:06 --> 00:27:09
			point where your wife is fully convinced that
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:11
			you are the omniscient one among some human
		
00:27:11 --> 00:27:13
			beings, and that she knows nothing and should
		
00:27:13 --> 00:27:14
			listen to you and what She's not gonna
		
00:27:14 --> 00:27:16
			do it. So why waste your time? It's
		
00:27:16 --> 00:27:18
			a wall that you'll bang your head on
		
00:27:18 --> 00:27:20
			until until your head splits open. There's no
		
00:27:20 --> 00:27:22
			point of trying to do that.
		
00:27:22 --> 00:27:23
			In addition,
		
00:27:23 --> 00:27:25
			it's impossible for that to be true anyways.
		
00:27:26 --> 00:27:28
			It's impossible for that to be true. Yeah.
		
00:27:28 --> 00:27:30
			For a man to think that you're not
		
00:27:30 --> 00:27:32
			always right, Joe. You're gonna be wrong a
		
00:27:32 --> 00:27:34
			lot of times. So, unless you wanna start
		
00:27:34 --> 00:27:37
			this bad tradition amongst the 2 of you
		
00:27:38 --> 00:27:39
			where when one of you is right and
		
00:27:39 --> 00:27:41
			one is wrong, it's going to be rubbed
		
00:27:41 --> 00:27:43
			in. It's going to be may it's going
		
00:27:43 --> 00:27:45
			to become painful then maybe you should reconsider
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:46
			this whole approach.
		
00:27:48 --> 00:27:50
			You should consider this whole. That's
		
00:27:50 --> 00:27:51
			what you learned from this ayah, from the
		
00:27:51 --> 00:27:52
			prophet alaihis salaam.
		
00:27:56 --> 00:27:58
			He exposed some of it and then he
		
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59
			he didn't. The rest of it
		
00:28:00 --> 00:28:02
			he shied away. He ignored the rest of
		
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03
			it. He didn't bring it up. He didn't
		
00:28:03 --> 00:28:05
			bring it up. They found out that he
		
00:28:05 --> 00:28:07
			knew during Isha praying behind him 'alayhi salawam.
		
00:28:07 --> 00:28:08
			He heard the verses.
		
00:28:08 --> 00:28:10
			He knows, but he didn't say anything because
		
00:28:10 --> 00:28:12
			there's no point of embarrassing. What what good
		
00:28:12 --> 00:28:14
			is gonna come from this? What good will
		
00:28:14 --> 00:28:16
			come from this? Nothing. Nothing.
		
00:28:17 --> 00:28:18
			There's no gain.
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:21
			I think that that's something there that's worth,
		
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22
			you know,
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25
			reflecting upon within relationships. Don't
		
00:28:28 --> 00:28:29
			deprive yourself
		
00:28:29 --> 00:28:31
			of things unnecessarily
		
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32
			for the other
		
00:28:33 --> 00:28:36
			and don't expect the other party to deprive
		
00:28:36 --> 00:28:39
			themselves from things unnecessarily for you. You don't
		
00:28:39 --> 00:28:41
			want that. That will
		
00:28:42 --> 00:28:42
			Honey,
		
00:28:43 --> 00:28:46
			That will feed the seed of resentment
		
00:28:47 --> 00:28:48
			amongst the 2 spouses and you don't want
		
00:28:48 --> 00:28:50
			that. So so be careful of that. It's
		
00:28:50 --> 00:28:51
			a it's a slippery slope that people can
		
00:28:51 --> 00:28:53
			ignore, especially those who are very
		
00:28:54 --> 00:28:54
			enthusiastic
		
00:28:55 --> 00:28:57
			and in love and they feel like Yeah.
		
00:28:57 --> 00:29:00
			Be careful. Be careful. Don't don't don't jump.
		
00:29:00 --> 00:29:02
			No. No. I will never do that. I
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:04
			don't have to No. Be careful. If something
		
00:29:04 --> 00:29:06
			matters to you before you give it up
		
00:29:06 --> 00:29:07
			for the rest of your life, you should
		
00:29:07 --> 00:29:09
			think for a moment. Number 2, be careful
		
00:29:09 --> 00:29:10
			about the confidentiality
		
00:29:12 --> 00:29:14
			clause that exists within relationships.
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:17
			2 people who are married are sharing their
		
00:29:17 --> 00:29:20
			lives with each other. They're sharing the most
		
00:29:20 --> 00:29:22
			intimate aspects of themselves with the other person.
		
00:29:23 --> 00:29:24
			You have to understand
		
00:29:25 --> 00:29:25
			how
		
00:29:26 --> 00:29:27
			to what degree you are held to the
		
00:29:27 --> 00:29:29
			clause of confidentiality here.
		
00:29:29 --> 00:29:32
			Right? Because you know about this other person.
		
00:29:33 --> 00:29:35
			Everything almost and they know almost everything about
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:37
			you. And that's why when
		
00:29:37 --> 00:29:40
			the the surah before, so the Tulaq divorce
		
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41
			it talked about that. You have to have
		
00:29:41 --> 00:29:43
			taqwa at the end of the You have
		
00:29:43 --> 00:29:45
			to have taqwa because you guys walk away
		
00:29:45 --> 00:29:47
			from each other. You know a lot. You
		
00:29:47 --> 00:29:48
			have a lot you could No, no. You
		
00:29:48 --> 00:29:50
			can't. This is not acceptable. You're not allowed
		
00:29:50 --> 00:29:51
			to go around
		
00:29:51 --> 00:29:53
			talking about the other person and to saying
		
00:29:53 --> 00:29:56
			and telling stories and saying No. No. No.
		
00:29:56 --> 00:29:57
			This is this is
		
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59
			bound by the
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:01
			law of confidentiality.
		
00:30:02 --> 00:30:04
			Within a marriage, this is very important. Allah
		
00:30:04 --> 00:30:06
			subhanahu wa ta'ala will hold you accountable if
		
00:30:06 --> 00:30:07
			you expose your spouse.
		
00:30:07 --> 00:30:09
			Whether you expose while married,
		
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11
			whether you expose
		
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13
			after marriage, whether you do it with good
		
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15
			intention or you do it with bad intention.
		
00:30:15 --> 00:30:17
			Be very careful from what you say and
		
00:30:17 --> 00:30:19
			who you say it to and why you're
		
00:30:19 --> 00:30:20
			doing it because this is a big deal.
		
00:30:20 --> 00:30:23
			The third lesson that it's not about being
		
00:30:23 --> 00:30:25
			right. If you're always about being right, you'll
		
00:30:25 --> 00:30:26
			also be alone
		
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28
			and that's not too much fun.
		
00:30:29 --> 00:30:31
			People who are always right are usually alone.
		
00:30:31 --> 00:30:33
			So be careful. It's not about being right
		
00:30:33 --> 00:30:34
			in a marriage. It's not. It's about it's
		
00:30:34 --> 00:30:35
			about
		
00:30:35 --> 00:30:38
			the partnership being stronger. That's what this is
		
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39
			about. You're trying to make your
		
00:30:40 --> 00:30:42
			If you're if you're playing a sport
		
00:30:43 --> 00:30:44
			Anyone who play a team sport knows what
		
00:30:44 --> 00:30:45
			I'm talking about.
		
00:30:46 --> 00:30:47
			You play a team sport
		
00:30:47 --> 00:30:49
			or you play, for example,
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:51
			a game of cards and you have a
		
00:30:51 --> 00:30:53
			partner in it. If every time they make
		
00:30:53 --> 00:30:55
			a mistake, you're gonna yell at them, then
		
00:30:55 --> 00:30:57
			you're gonna have a weak partner. And you're
		
00:30:57 --> 00:30:58
			gonna lose all the games.
		
00:31:00 --> 00:31:01
			You're gonna lose all the games because you
		
00:31:01 --> 00:31:04
			are basically making them feel isolated. You are
		
00:31:04 --> 00:31:06
			taking away their confidence. You're not building them
		
00:31:06 --> 00:31:08
			up, you're building them down and they're gonna
		
00:31:08 --> 00:31:09
			fail. You're gonna fail with them because this
		
00:31:09 --> 00:31:11
			is a this is a sports. This is
		
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12
			a team sport.
		
00:31:13 --> 00:31:15
			Marriage is a team. You're a part of
		
00:31:15 --> 00:31:17
			a team. If you're always If you're about
		
00:31:17 --> 00:31:19
			being right, you have to point out when
		
00:31:19 --> 00:31:20
			they're wrong. You have to. You can't be
		
00:31:20 --> 00:31:22
			And you have to be right, then you
		
00:31:22 --> 00:31:24
			are not a team player. And that to
		
00:31:24 --> 00:31:26
			me is a problem in your personality that
		
00:31:26 --> 00:31:28
			someone has to point out to you.
		
00:31:28 --> 00:31:30
			This is an issue. It's not about being
		
00:31:30 --> 00:31:32
			right. It's about making sure that the other
		
00:31:32 --> 00:31:32
			party
		
00:31:32 --> 00:31:35
			figures out where the issue is, moves forward
		
00:31:35 --> 00:31:38
			and maintains their self esteem and their ego,
		
00:31:38 --> 00:31:40
			and they're not made to feel less.
		
00:31:40 --> 00:31:42
			And that's why Aradhanbal, the prophet alaihis salam,
		
00:31:42 --> 00:31:43
			didn't feel the need to talk to them
		
00:31:43 --> 00:31:45
			about the conspiring peace.
		
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46
			They would they would
		
00:31:47 --> 00:31:49
			with time everyone kind of goes looks back
		
00:31:49 --> 00:31:50
			at what they did and they figure out
		
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51
			what was good and what was wrong and
		
00:31:51 --> 00:31:53
			people make mistakes. There's no point to rub
		
00:31:53 --> 00:31:54
			it in even though you when you have
		
00:31:54 --> 00:31:55
			the ability. Those are the few lessons that
		
00:31:55 --> 00:31:57
			I think these verses teach and I think
		
00:31:57 --> 00:31:59
			they're very very valuable. So we'll move on
		
00:31:59 --> 00:32:00
			to ayah number 4 insha'Allah.
		
00:32:02 --> 00:32:03
			And we'll continue.
		
00:34:28 --> 00:34:30
			So Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala after talking to
		
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31
			the Prophet
		
00:34:32 --> 00:34:35
			pointing out what happened in the story and
		
00:34:35 --> 00:34:37
			the lessons that we should learn. He speaks
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:39
			to the to the to his wives
		
00:34:40 --> 00:34:40
			to both
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:43
			Aisha and Tawasa in this story.
		
00:34:46 --> 00:34:48
			Herein is not a conditional
		
00:34:48 --> 00:34:52
			proposition. Here, it is a proposition for encouragement.
		
00:34:52 --> 00:34:54
			Meaning, this is the best better thing for
		
00:34:54 --> 00:34:55
			you to do.
		
00:34:56 --> 00:34:57
			Illallah. Meaning you should probably
		
00:34:58 --> 00:34:59
			repent back to Allah.
		
00:35:02 --> 00:35:02
			Because indeed,
		
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04
			for someone
		
00:35:06 --> 00:35:08
			meaning someone, who is who is sitting for
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:10
			example perpendicular to the earth and very straight.
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:12
			He comes down or she comes down to
		
00:35:12 --> 00:35:14
			hear something. Meaning they they go away from
		
00:35:14 --> 00:35:17
			from being on a, on a straight path
		
00:35:17 --> 00:35:20
			or they're no longer facing facing straight anymore.
		
00:35:20 --> 00:35:20
			So saqatkulubukun.
		
00:35:21 --> 00:35:24
			Your hearts have have drifted away a little
		
00:35:24 --> 00:35:24
			bit.
		
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26
			Your hearts were not in the right place.
		
00:35:27 --> 00:35:29
			Your hearts at the moment when you did
		
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30
			this, they weren't in the right place. You
		
00:35:30 --> 00:35:33
			weren't thinking about your partner. You weren't thinking
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:35
			about what's best for him. You were thinking
		
00:35:35 --> 00:35:38
			about whatever works for you even though it
		
00:35:38 --> 00:35:40
			was not a necessity for you nor was
		
00:35:40 --> 00:35:42
			it something that was a problem for you.
		
00:35:42 --> 00:35:42
			It's just more
		
00:35:43 --> 00:35:44
			of
		
00:35:44 --> 00:35:46
			So what's best for you to do at
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:46
			this moment?
		
00:35:48 --> 00:35:50
			For you to repent back to Allah Subhanahu
		
00:35:50 --> 00:35:52
			Wa Ta'ala because indeed your hearts have gone
		
00:35:52 --> 00:35:55
			astray. Your hearts have deviated a little bit.
		
00:35:58 --> 00:35:59
			And if you decide to continue to plot
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:00
			against him,
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:05
			Then indeed Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is his
		
00:36:05 --> 00:36:06
			protector.
		
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08
			Speaking about the Prophet alaihi wa sallam.
		
00:36:09 --> 00:36:12
			The verses that we have here talk about
		
00:36:12 --> 00:36:14
			or show us the love Allah Subhanahu Wa
		
00:36:14 --> 00:36:16
			Ta'ala has for his Prophet alaihis salatu wa
		
00:36:16 --> 00:36:17
			sallam.
		
00:36:19 --> 00:36:21
			Indeed Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is his protector.
		
00:36:26 --> 00:36:27
			And the Holy Spirit Jibreel.
		
00:36:29 --> 00:36:30
			And the pious amongst the Muslims.
		
00:36:31 --> 00:36:32
			And the angels
		
00:36:33 --> 00:36:34
			after Allah Subhanu wa Ta'ala or after that.
		
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35
			Wawheer.
		
00:36:36 --> 00:36:36
			Waheer
		
00:36:37 --> 00:36:40
			is someone who has your back. That's literally
		
00:36:40 --> 00:36:42
			what it means. Like there's no this is
		
00:36:42 --> 00:36:44
			exactly Waheer is back. Waheer is someone who
		
00:36:44 --> 00:36:46
			has your back. That's exactly what it means.
		
00:36:46 --> 00:36:48
			I mean Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is his
		
00:36:48 --> 00:36:51
			protector and Jibreel and the pious believers and
		
00:36:51 --> 00:36:53
			the malaika all have his back alayhis salatu
		
00:36:53 --> 00:36:53
			wa salam.
		
00:36:54 --> 00:36:55
			Assarabbuhu,
		
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57
			it is possible that his Lord,
		
00:36:59 --> 00:37:00
			If at some point he ends up divorcing
		
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01
			you and
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:05
			that he is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala replaces
		
00:37:06 --> 00:37:06
			you
		
00:37:06 --> 00:37:09
			with spouses for him that are better.
		
00:37:09 --> 00:37:12
			And then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala points out
		
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13
			the
		
00:37:14 --> 00:37:15
			what men should be looking for when they're
		
00:37:15 --> 00:37:17
			getting married. Muslimatin,
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:17
			mumminatin,
		
00:37:18 --> 00:37:19
			qani tatin, tahibatin,
		
00:37:20 --> 00:37:20
			abidatin,
		
00:37:21 --> 00:37:21
			saihatin,
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:22
			tahibatinwabkawa.
		
00:37:26 --> 00:37:29
			If you notice this ayam ends differently than
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:31
			the ones before it do.
		
00:37:32 --> 00:37:34
			Science within the Quran that is very subtle.
		
00:37:35 --> 00:37:37
			The verses in the Quran, they end with
		
00:37:37 --> 00:37:39
			within a surah. They end similarly.
		
00:37:40 --> 00:37:43
			Right? Similarly. Not always, but similarly. At
		
00:37:44 --> 00:37:45
			the end.
		
00:37:45 --> 00:37:48
			Un or in. Or example, Ara, Ur, Ir.
		
00:37:48 --> 00:37:50
			Something like that. Khabeer. Like like it is.
		
00:37:50 --> 00:37:53
			And then when if you notice every once
		
00:37:53 --> 00:37:54
			in a while you'll find a verse in
		
00:37:54 --> 00:37:56
			the midst of a surah that has the
		
00:37:56 --> 00:37:56
			exact same,
		
00:37:57 --> 00:38:00
			ending of verses. One that's different.
		
00:38:01 --> 00:38:03
			It just stands out. It's not the same
		
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04
			and then you go back again or it
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:06
			transitions. But here, it's gonna transition. It's like
		
00:38:06 --> 00:38:07
			an I and then after it's gonna be
		
00:38:07 --> 00:38:08
			a little bit different.
		
00:38:09 --> 00:38:12
			These subtle changes within the rhythm of the
		
00:38:12 --> 00:38:15
			verses are there to draw attention to something
		
00:38:15 --> 00:38:16
			else being talked about
		
00:38:17 --> 00:38:18
			or to concluding
		
00:38:18 --> 00:38:21
			a point or to making a separate point.
		
00:38:22 --> 00:38:23
			And and it really there's a there's a
		
00:38:23 --> 00:38:25
			full this is
		
00:38:25 --> 00:38:27
			a study within Urul Qur'an that is
		
00:38:28 --> 00:38:31
			usually for advanced students to look at, but
		
00:38:31 --> 00:38:32
			I find it to be very fascinating and
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:33
			you'll see it in the Quran a lot.
		
00:38:33 --> 00:38:34
			If you read the Quran a lot,
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:36
			and if you're someone who does khatma and
		
00:38:36 --> 00:38:38
			I encourage you to do if you don't.
		
00:38:38 --> 00:38:40
			As you do a khatma, have a and
		
00:38:40 --> 00:38:42
			point out 1 if you run into 1.
		
00:38:42 --> 00:38:43
			Like if you're everything is ending here with
		
00:38:43 --> 00:38:45
			this and then this akhir just doesn't end
		
00:38:45 --> 00:38:47
			at the same way. It just it sound
		
00:38:47 --> 00:38:49
			it's different. Just point it out. Ask about
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50
			it later. There's always a reason of why
		
00:38:50 --> 00:38:52
			it ends a little bit differently. So here,
		
00:38:52 --> 00:38:54
			Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala if you look at
		
00:38:54 --> 00:38:54
			the verses
		
00:38:56 --> 00:38:58
			they're all ending with
		
00:38:58 --> 00:38:59
			a
		
00:38:59 --> 00:39:03
			after a and then with an alif. So
		
00:39:03 --> 00:39:04
			it sounds different. It's like it's
		
00:39:05 --> 00:39:07
			the reason I'm talking about this because in
		
00:39:07 --> 00:39:09
			poetry, for example, that's not acceptable.
		
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11
			In poetry,
		
00:39:12 --> 00:39:13
			you have to have a First of all,
		
00:39:13 --> 00:39:15
			the rhythm is very rigid and the Quran
		
00:39:15 --> 00:39:18
			does not follow that rigidity. But also the
		
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19
			ending,
		
00:39:20 --> 00:39:21
			the Ardu or the Qafiyyah for any
		
00:39:23 --> 00:39:24
			verse of poetry has to be the same
		
00:39:25 --> 00:39:26
			for any given poem.
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:29
			The Quran doesn't follow those rules, but Tawab
		
00:39:29 --> 00:39:31
			still were able to recognize that if you
		
00:39:31 --> 00:39:34
			are speaking and there's saja, meaning you are
		
00:39:34 --> 00:39:36
			ending your sentences with similar
		
00:39:36 --> 00:39:39
			endings, when you change, there's a reason for
		
00:39:39 --> 00:39:40
			why you decided to make a change. Because
		
00:39:40 --> 00:39:42
			it's not hard for, you know, there are
		
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44
			many words Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala used or
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:45
			many ways to put the sentence where that
		
00:39:45 --> 00:39:48
			didn't have to be the case. Like this
		
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48
			is not
		
00:39:48 --> 00:39:51
			the lack of of linguistic abilities to end
		
00:39:51 --> 00:39:53
			this aya aya similar to those before. This
		
00:39:53 --> 00:39:54
			was ended differently,
		
00:39:54 --> 00:39:57
			specifically for a reason because it's pointing something
		
00:39:57 --> 00:39:59
			out outside of maybe what the rhythm of
		
00:39:59 --> 00:40:00
			the verses were.
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:02
			The rhythm of the verses up till now
		
00:40:02 --> 00:40:04
			have been talking with the relationship with the
		
00:40:04 --> 00:40:06
			prophet alaihis salawat wa sallam and his spouses.
		
00:40:06 --> 00:40:07
			This one here is not talking about that
		
00:40:07 --> 00:40:09
			because he never actually divorced any of his
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:10
			wife
		
00:40:13 --> 00:40:14
			It makes you think well this is still
		
00:40:14 --> 00:40:16
			a continuation of what he was talking to
		
00:40:16 --> 00:40:16
			the prophet
		
00:40:17 --> 00:40:18
			about within his own relationships.
		
00:40:18 --> 00:40:20
			If he if he is divorced then Allah
		
00:40:20 --> 00:40:21
			Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala will
		
00:40:21 --> 00:40:24
			substitute or give him spouses that are better
		
00:40:24 --> 00:40:26
			and then he gives all of these, descriptions.
		
00:40:26 --> 00:40:28
			He never did alayhi salatu was salam. This
		
00:40:28 --> 00:40:29
			never happened. Right? Again, the the the the
		
00:40:29 --> 00:40:31
			hypothetical that only Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala can
		
00:40:31 --> 00:40:33
			use and I've talked about this Yani over
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:33
			the last
		
00:40:34 --> 00:40:36
			few lessons and during Jum'ah that the hypothetical
		
00:40:36 --> 00:40:37
			is something only Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala can
		
00:40:37 --> 00:40:39
			give. But the reason that he gave it
		
00:40:39 --> 00:40:40
			here is really not because we're talking about
		
00:40:40 --> 00:40:42
			the prophet alaihis salam's
		
00:40:42 --> 00:40:44
			issue with his spouse was more for us
		
00:40:44 --> 00:40:45
			to see here's what you should be looking
		
00:40:45 --> 00:40:46
			for.
		
00:40:46 --> 00:40:48
			Here here like a little bit of a
		
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49
			a gem for you outside of the story
		
00:40:49 --> 00:40:51
			of the prophet alaihis salatu wasalam and his
		
00:40:51 --> 00:40:52
			spouses.
		
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54
			That story ended. If
		
00:40:56 --> 00:40:57
			you you you you are encouraged
		
00:40:58 --> 00:40:58
			to
		
00:40:59 --> 00:41:01
			you aneeba, repent back to Allah because your
		
00:41:01 --> 00:41:02
			hearts went astray. If you don't, then Allah
		
00:41:02 --> 00:41:04
			subhanahu wa ta'ala will continue to protect him
		
00:41:04 --> 00:41:06
			and they did. They both repented. We we
		
00:41:06 --> 00:41:08
			we have it on full, you know, credentials
		
00:41:08 --> 00:41:10
			and that that they both repented to Allah
		
00:41:10 --> 00:41:11
			subhanahu wa ta'ala. So why this verse? This
		
00:41:11 --> 00:41:12
			verse is just as a teaching point for
		
00:41:12 --> 00:41:13
			us.
		
00:41:21 --> 00:41:22
			So what's the last two words?
		
00:41:23 --> 00:41:25
			Is a lady who's been married before. Abqara
		
00:41:26 --> 00:41:27
			who's a lady who was never married before.
		
00:41:27 --> 00:41:29
			That's it. And it comes together.
		
00:41:30 --> 00:41:31
			As it could be this or that. Like,
		
00:41:31 --> 00:41:33
			it doesn't matter. Like when you're looking for
		
00:41:33 --> 00:41:34
			a wife, it could be a woman who
		
00:41:34 --> 00:41:36
			was married before or a Mary Lou who
		
00:41:36 --> 00:41:37
			was not married before.
		
00:41:37 --> 00:41:39
			I don't understand. I don't.
		
00:41:40 --> 00:41:40
			The
		
00:41:43 --> 00:41:44
			the custom that the Arabs have and I'm
		
00:41:44 --> 00:41:46
			talking about from my country, so maybe if
		
00:41:46 --> 00:41:47
			you come from an Arab country and you're
		
00:41:47 --> 00:41:49
			different then God bless you and, you know,
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:49
			congratulations.
		
00:41:50 --> 00:41:52
			But for the rest of us, for a
		
00:41:52 --> 00:41:54
			man who was not married before, to marry
		
00:41:54 --> 00:41:56
			a lady who was married before or vice
		
00:41:56 --> 00:41:57
			versa is like is blasphemy.
		
00:41:58 --> 00:42:00
			It's a form of blasphemy and it's completely
		
00:42:00 --> 00:42:02
			unheard of and it's completely unacceptable
		
00:42:02 --> 00:42:03
			and
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:05
			it's not I don't understand why. I don't
		
00:42:05 --> 00:42:07
			understand where we got that from. The reason
		
00:42:07 --> 00:42:09
			I'm pointing this out is that a lot
		
00:42:09 --> 00:42:10
			of the culture, the customs
		
00:42:11 --> 00:42:13
			and the norms that we have as Arab
		
00:42:13 --> 00:42:16
			regarding marriage, nothing to do with Islam at
		
00:42:16 --> 00:42:17
			all. They're Victorian.
		
00:42:17 --> 00:42:20
			They're Victorian English. They are taken from a
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:23
			specific time that the English live by. It
		
00:42:23 --> 00:42:26
			has nothing to do with how our actual
		
00:42:26 --> 00:42:27
			faith works.
		
00:42:27 --> 00:42:29
			And I'm gonna talk about this at some
		
00:42:29 --> 00:42:30
			point inshallah and I can in a separate
		
00:42:30 --> 00:42:31
			lecture, but
		
00:42:32 --> 00:42:33
			the level of conservatism
		
00:42:34 --> 00:42:36
			that some people actually practice in their mind
		
00:42:36 --> 00:42:39
			regarding marriage is not Islamic. Like it really
		
00:42:39 --> 00:42:41
			isn't. It comes from a different culture
		
00:42:42 --> 00:42:44
			and that culture saw the human body as
		
00:42:44 --> 00:42:47
			something that was worthy of being ashamed of
		
00:42:47 --> 00:42:49
			And it saw relationships as being something that
		
00:42:49 --> 00:42:51
			was a curse you had to that you
		
00:42:51 --> 00:42:52
			had to do this. And when you did
		
00:42:52 --> 00:42:53
			this there was no way out, it was
		
00:42:53 --> 00:42:54
			a jail that you were stuck in for
		
00:42:54 --> 00:42:56
			the rest of your life, and that Islam
		
00:42:56 --> 00:42:58
			didn't see it like that. Islam was Marriage
		
00:42:58 --> 00:43:00
			in Islam is much easier.
		
00:43:01 --> 00:43:03
			And when it needs to end, it ends
		
00:43:03 --> 00:43:05
			in a much easier way. And then people
		
00:43:05 --> 00:43:09
			get remarried again much easier. This what we're
		
00:43:09 --> 00:43:11
			really right now, yeah. Unfortunately,
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:13
			it's not even Islam. It's not even the
		
00:43:13 --> 00:43:15
			other Islamist. Where getting married is
		
00:43:16 --> 00:43:16
			extremely
		
00:43:17 --> 00:43:19
			difficult like it's a painful thing to go
		
00:43:19 --> 00:43:20
			through. And then when you get married and
		
00:43:20 --> 00:43:21
			if it doesn't work out, then you guys
		
00:43:21 --> 00:43:22
			are both miserable.
		
00:43:23 --> 00:43:24
			If you want to end it in a
		
00:43:24 --> 00:43:25
			proper way,
		
00:43:25 --> 00:43:27
			it can't end nicely and quietly. And then
		
00:43:27 --> 00:43:29
			when it does, they both are scarred scared
		
00:43:29 --> 00:43:30
			so they can never get married again in
		
00:43:30 --> 00:43:30
			Yaqi.
		
00:43:31 --> 00:43:32
			This isn't really you a lie. This is
		
00:43:32 --> 00:43:33
			not what it is.
		
00:43:33 --> 00:43:36
			It's absolutely not how things were or should
		
00:43:36 --> 00:43:36
			be.
		
00:43:38 --> 00:43:39
			The Prophet alaihis salaam, when you think about
		
00:43:39 --> 00:43:40
			it, when he married, he was a bikr
		
00:43:40 --> 00:43:42
			alaihis salaam. He was someone never married before,
		
00:43:42 --> 00:43:45
			right? He married Khadija who was married before
		
00:43:45 --> 00:43:45
			him twice.
		
00:43:46 --> 00:43:47
			Now once
		
00:43:47 --> 00:43:49
			she had been married before him twice. She
		
00:43:49 --> 00:43:53
			had children from that marriage who lived with
		
00:43:53 --> 00:43:55
			him in his home. She had 3 sons.
		
00:43:56 --> 00:43:57
			She had 3 sons
		
00:43:58 --> 00:44:00
			that stayed with him. Hind as one of
		
00:44:00 --> 00:44:02
			them. Probably the most famous because he narrated
		
00:44:02 --> 00:44:03
			a lot of the hadith.
		
00:44:04 --> 00:44:04
			Fatima
		
00:44:05 --> 00:44:08
			Fatima and Zaha'alayhi salaam and Zainab al Ruqayyum
		
00:44:08 --> 00:44:09
			Qutbun and Abdullah.
		
00:44:10 --> 00:44:13
			They're half brother or half brothers. The prophet
		
00:44:13 --> 00:44:15
			Alayhi Sala married a lady who had 2
		
00:44:15 --> 00:44:16
			previous marriages.
		
00:44:16 --> 00:44:17
			And out of all of his wives, the
		
00:44:17 --> 00:44:19
			only wife he married who didn't have a
		
00:44:19 --> 00:44:20
			previous marriage was Aisha.
		
00:44:21 --> 00:44:22
			The only one. All of them were married
		
00:44:22 --> 00:44:26
			before. All of them. Either widows or divorcees.
		
00:44:26 --> 00:44:27
			All of them.
		
00:44:27 --> 00:44:29
			The only one who wasn't was Aisha. That's
		
00:44:29 --> 00:44:30
			it.
		
00:44:30 --> 00:44:32
			And I pointed this out at the beginning
		
00:44:32 --> 00:44:34
			of these sessions, so I'm not gonna repeat
		
00:44:34 --> 00:44:36
			it again. But there's a reason why the
		
00:44:36 --> 00:44:38
			prophet, alaihis salam, married multiple wives after Khadija.
		
00:44:40 --> 00:44:41
			Muhammad the man Muhammad
		
00:44:42 --> 00:44:44
			the man married Khadija. That's it. Muhammad the
		
00:44:44 --> 00:44:45
			prophet had multiple
		
00:44:46 --> 00:44:48
			wives for reasons because that's how there was
		
00:44:48 --> 00:44:51
			there was a purpose served for the peninsula
		
00:44:51 --> 00:44:53
			and there's a purpose served for the women
		
00:44:53 --> 00:44:55
			themselves in these marriages. They were Umad and
		
00:44:55 --> 00:44:55
			Mumineen.
		
00:44:56 --> 00:44:58
			The word Umad and Mumineen was not used
		
00:44:58 --> 00:45:01
			during Khadija's life anyways. Like that term was
		
00:45:01 --> 00:45:03
			not known while Khadija was alive.
		
00:45:04 --> 00:45:05
			She was not
		
00:45:05 --> 00:45:07
			no one ever used that term in Mecca
		
00:45:07 --> 00:45:09
			to describe Khadija because that term was not
		
00:45:09 --> 00:45:11
			known. That term was coined during Madinah when
		
00:45:11 --> 00:45:14
			the Prophet alaihis salam had these wives because
		
00:45:14 --> 00:45:17
			it granted them the social, religious, and political
		
00:45:17 --> 00:45:18
			immunity that they would later
		
00:45:19 --> 00:45:21
			need and thrive on and that will allow
		
00:45:21 --> 00:45:23
			Islam actually the narrations that we have to
		
00:45:23 --> 00:45:25
			make it this way. To make it. Like
		
00:45:25 --> 00:45:26
			these stories we would know almost none of
		
00:45:26 --> 00:45:28
			them if that was not the case. If
		
00:45:28 --> 00:45:30
			they were not granted that and you to
		
00:45:30 --> 00:45:32
			speak freely, they would not know what we
		
00:45:32 --> 00:45:34
			know today about the prophet alaihis salatu wasallam.
		
00:45:35 --> 00:45:36
			So he points out and they're just saying,
		
00:45:36 --> 00:45:37
			just pointing that out that we have a
		
00:45:37 --> 00:45:39
			problem with our, you know, with the way
		
00:45:39 --> 00:45:40
			marriage is being approached.
		
00:45:40 --> 00:45:41
			I'm not
		
00:45:41 --> 00:45:43
			encouraging people to take it lightly and for
		
00:45:43 --> 00:45:46
			us to match people with no form
		
00:45:46 --> 00:45:47
			of
		
00:45:48 --> 00:45:49
			insight or presight
		
00:45:50 --> 00:45:52
			with no with no judgment of whether this
		
00:45:52 --> 00:45:54
			is a good match or And I'm saying
		
00:45:54 --> 00:45:55
			that
		
00:45:55 --> 00:45:57
			the amount of scrutiny that it's taking, the
		
00:45:57 --> 00:45:59
			amount of time and money
		
00:45:59 --> 00:46:01
			is way too much.
		
00:46:01 --> 00:46:03
			It's making it too difficult, and that's why
		
00:46:03 --> 00:46:04
			we have our,
		
00:46:05 --> 00:46:06
			our community is filled with people in their
		
00:46:06 --> 00:46:08
			mid twenties, late twenties, early thirties that are
		
00:46:08 --> 00:46:10
			sitting around with no marriage.
		
00:46:10 --> 00:46:12
			I don't understand it because I grew up
		
00:46:12 --> 00:46:13
			in Syria where the only reason a guy
		
00:46:13 --> 00:46:15
			was not married is because he still hadn't
		
00:46:15 --> 00:46:16
			finished his army
		
00:46:17 --> 00:46:18
			time. Like you had to go to the
		
00:46:18 --> 00:46:20
			army. Right? It was 2 years This is
		
00:46:20 --> 00:46:22
			before It was 2 and a half years
		
00:46:22 --> 00:46:24
			for a while, which is a long time.
		
00:46:24 --> 00:46:25
			That's a quarter of a decade you have
		
00:46:25 --> 00:46:26
			to go spend in the army. So then
		
00:46:26 --> 00:46:28
			you're gonna be treated like an animal for
		
00:46:28 --> 00:46:29
			2 and a half years. So guys wouldn't
		
00:46:29 --> 00:46:31
			get married because until they were done. It
		
00:46:31 --> 00:46:32
			also makes no sense. You're gonna leave them
		
00:46:32 --> 00:46:33
			for 2 and a half years. Might as
		
00:46:33 --> 00:46:35
			well do it. Right? Or they were too
		
00:46:35 --> 00:46:36
			poor. The guy is like, I have no
		
00:46:36 --> 00:46:37
			where we're gonna live. I have nowhere to
		
00:46:37 --> 00:46:38
			live. I
		
00:46:38 --> 00:46:39
			live I sleep in a room with 3
		
00:46:39 --> 00:46:41
			people. 3 of my siblings. We have no
		
00:46:41 --> 00:46:44
			way. So it was lack of wealth. Here
		
00:46:44 --> 00:46:45
			there's no
		
00:46:46 --> 00:46:47
			army, at least not if you don't want
		
00:46:47 --> 00:46:49
			to go. And
		
00:46:49 --> 00:46:51
			if you work a I mean,
		
00:46:52 --> 00:46:54
			pre pre COVID. This problem it just would
		
00:46:54 --> 00:46:55
			be pre pre COVID, so I can say
		
00:46:55 --> 00:46:57
			these words like if both of them work
		
00:46:57 --> 00:46:58
			a part time job, they can they can
		
00:46:58 --> 00:46:59
			afford a you know, any
		
00:47:00 --> 00:47:02
			of a small place to live, and they
		
00:47:02 --> 00:47:03
			can they can take care of themselves until
		
00:47:03 --> 00:47:04
			they until they have enough money to actually
		
00:47:04 --> 00:47:06
			get you know, to have children and whatnot.
		
00:47:06 --> 00:47:07
			It's harder now. I understand.
		
00:47:08 --> 00:47:09
			But what we're seeing today is that I
		
00:47:09 --> 00:47:11
			see people in their thirties, and they are
		
00:47:11 --> 00:47:12
			wealthy, and they are
		
00:47:13 --> 00:47:15
			healthy, and they are well off and everything,
		
00:47:15 --> 00:47:17
			and and they're just sitting around with nothing.
		
00:47:18 --> 00:47:19
			And this is not
		
00:47:20 --> 00:47:22
			I can guarantee you. Or I I don't
		
00:47:22 --> 00:47:23
			have to guarantee you. I can tell you
		
00:47:23 --> 00:47:24
			that during the time of the prophet, alayhi
		
00:47:24 --> 00:47:26
			sallahu alaihi wa sallam, the reason one of
		
00:47:26 --> 00:47:28
			the reasons the edda existed, one of the
		
00:47:28 --> 00:47:31
			reasons is so the lady could have time
		
00:47:31 --> 00:47:33
			to process what just happened before 5 or
		
00:47:33 --> 00:47:35
			6 people come start knocking on her door
		
00:47:35 --> 00:47:35
			for marriage.
		
00:47:36 --> 00:47:37
			No one would do that. So she wouldn't
		
00:47:37 --> 00:47:39
			be bothered for 2 to 3 months.
		
00:47:40 --> 00:47:41
			So
		
00:47:41 --> 00:47:43
			no one would come and start asking questions.
		
00:47:43 --> 00:47:45
			She could just kind of exist
		
00:47:45 --> 00:47:47
			and mourn what her husband if he passed
		
00:47:47 --> 00:47:49
			away or you know, deal with the fact
		
00:47:49 --> 00:47:51
			that now she has a different life. You
		
00:47:51 --> 00:47:53
			know, her life is a little different Because
		
00:47:53 --> 00:47:55
			before that she she
		
00:47:55 --> 00:47:57
			was divorced today. The next day someone's She
		
00:47:57 --> 00:47:58
			has a suitor
		
00:47:58 --> 00:48:00
			because it was just much quicker and much
		
00:48:00 --> 00:48:02
			easier. Same thing goes for for young men.
		
00:48:02 --> 00:48:04
			They they wouldn't Once he was capable of
		
00:48:04 --> 00:48:05
			working and he was working and he had
		
00:48:05 --> 00:48:06
			the ability to
		
00:48:06 --> 00:48:08
			They move they move things along.
		
00:48:09 --> 00:48:11
			I don't Not saying that we have to
		
00:48:11 --> 00:48:12
			start at a young age, but I'm saying
		
00:48:12 --> 00:48:14
			that what we're doing right now is not
		
00:48:14 --> 00:48:16
			right. Like the way How long people are
		
00:48:16 --> 00:48:18
			waiting is just It's not healthy. It's not
		
00:48:18 --> 00:48:20
			healthy. It makes it much more difficult for
		
00:48:20 --> 00:48:22
			marriages to actually survive.
		
00:48:22 --> 00:48:24
			So what are the points that he puts
		
00:48:24 --> 00:48:25
			out here, Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala for us and
		
00:48:25 --> 00:48:27
			this ayah that sounds different at the end
		
00:48:27 --> 00:48:27
			of it.
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:29
			He points out, Muslimatin.
		
00:48:30 --> 00:48:31
			Now, Mu'minatin.
		
00:48:31 --> 00:48:32
			Qanitatin.
		
00:48:33 --> 00:48:36
			Taibatin. Abidat. So he talks about
		
00:48:36 --> 00:48:39
			he talks about 5 aspects of religion. Then
		
00:48:39 --> 00:48:41
			he points out which I'll explain in a
		
00:48:41 --> 00:48:43
			moment. But he probably these 5 aspects of
		
00:48:43 --> 00:48:45
			religion. He's focused subhanahu wa ta'ala.
		
00:48:46 --> 00:48:46
			Or
		
00:48:46 --> 00:48:49
			allow or asking us to focus on the
		
00:48:49 --> 00:48:51
			aspects of the woman that is
		
00:48:52 --> 00:48:54
			directly attached and
		
00:48:55 --> 00:48:57
			correlated with the level of her under of
		
00:48:57 --> 00:48:59
			her iman. A level of her closest to
		
00:48:59 --> 00:49:01
			Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. She's a Muslim now.
		
00:49:01 --> 00:49:03
			A Muslim is someone who's practicing.
		
00:49:03 --> 00:49:06
			A mumina. That's someone who has clarity in
		
00:49:06 --> 00:49:08
			their theology. Meaning there's someone who actually believe
		
00:49:08 --> 00:49:09
			in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. They're not practicing
		
00:49:09 --> 00:49:11
			because that's the inheritance or that's the norm.
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:14
			They're practicing because that's their understanding of it.
		
00:49:14 --> 00:49:16
			They fully They also embrace it. There are
		
00:49:16 --> 00:49:18
			people who are who grow up in a
		
00:49:18 --> 00:49:20
			family, so they're practicing Muslims, but they don't
		
00:49:20 --> 00:49:21
			actually believe in any of it or they
		
00:49:21 --> 00:49:22
			don't they've never really thought about it that
		
00:49:22 --> 00:49:25
			way. They're just doing what the norm of
		
00:49:25 --> 00:49:26
			of their surroundings are. You don't want someone
		
00:49:26 --> 00:49:28
			like that. You want someone who actually has
		
00:49:28 --> 00:49:31
			a conviction. Like they're convinced this makes sense.
		
00:49:31 --> 00:49:32
			They are part of it, right?
		
00:49:33 --> 00:49:36
			Those who are actually performing their their their
		
00:49:36 --> 00:49:36
			their functions.
		
00:49:37 --> 00:49:38
			Their responsibilities.
		
00:49:39 --> 00:49:40
			Can mean to pray at night. You can
		
00:49:40 --> 00:49:41
			use it that way if you want,
		
00:49:43 --> 00:49:45
			but that's not really
		
00:49:45 --> 00:49:47
			the kaanit is someone who stands
		
00:49:47 --> 00:49:49
			at who continues to do their job for
		
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51
			a long time even when the time is
		
00:49:51 --> 00:49:52
			done. That's a kaanit.
		
00:49:53 --> 00:49:54
			We use it for qiyamilayl
		
00:49:55 --> 00:49:57
			because there's a simile here. Like your salah
		
00:49:57 --> 00:49:59
			finished at Isha but your kaanit you stand
		
00:49:59 --> 00:50:00
			up and prepare longer even though you don't
		
00:50:00 --> 00:50:02
			have to because you want to finish the
		
00:50:02 --> 00:50:04
			job. That's the idea of So when you
		
00:50:04 --> 00:50:05
			say means
		
00:50:06 --> 00:50:08
			someone who will go the extra mile to
		
00:50:08 --> 00:50:10
			get the job done. Someone who is
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:13
			focused or oriented towards achieving the goal not
		
00:50:13 --> 00:50:15
			just you know, I spent the hour, I'm
		
00:50:15 --> 00:50:16
			done. There
		
00:50:16 --> 00:50:17
			are 2 type of people who do a
		
00:50:17 --> 00:50:19
			job for you. Those who 8 to 5,
		
00:50:19 --> 00:50:21
			once it's 5 they check out regardless of
		
00:50:21 --> 00:50:22
			and then those who will make sure the
		
00:50:22 --> 00:50:24
			task actually gets done.
		
00:50:24 --> 00:50:26
			And in life if you're the Allah subhanahu
		
00:50:26 --> 00:50:28
			wa ta'ala yani but trusts you with people
		
00:50:28 --> 00:50:29
			who just are gonna clock in the time,
		
00:50:29 --> 00:50:31
			then you're gonna be miserable for a very
		
00:50:31 --> 00:50:33
			long time and it's gonna take a while
		
00:50:33 --> 00:50:34
			before you figure things out. You need people
		
00:50:34 --> 00:50:36
			who are task oriented, who are gonna get
		
00:50:36 --> 00:50:37
			the job done. If that means they have
		
00:50:37 --> 00:50:38
			to put in the extra hour or the
		
00:50:38 --> 00:50:40
			extra effort, they'll put in the extra effort.
		
00:50:41 --> 00:50:42
			The practice
		
00:50:42 --> 00:50:44
			piece. The conviction piece.
		
00:50:44 --> 00:50:46
			The effort that they're willing to act they're
		
00:50:46 --> 00:50:48
			actually willing to put in effort.
		
00:50:50 --> 00:50:52
			Means meaning that they do it with the
		
00:50:52 --> 00:50:53
			proper mentality.
		
00:50:54 --> 00:50:56
			Is the biggest word that we have in
		
00:50:56 --> 00:50:58
			our deen to explain who we are as
		
00:50:58 --> 00:50:59
			human beings, but
		
00:51:00 --> 00:51:01
			here is referring
		
00:51:02 --> 00:51:04
			to the emotional piece. You see, Ubudiyyah in
		
00:51:04 --> 00:51:06
			Arabic language is one of the levels of
		
00:51:06 --> 00:51:08
			love. It's one of
		
00:51:08 --> 00:51:10
			the degrees of love. When we use the
		
00:51:10 --> 00:51:12
			word, it's actually that's where that's where it
		
00:51:12 --> 00:51:14
			came from. It came from the concept of
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:16
			love. There's like 15 different degrees of love
		
00:51:16 --> 00:51:18
			and a buddhiyah is one of the highest
		
00:51:18 --> 00:51:19
			ones if not if not the highest one
		
00:51:19 --> 00:51:21
			of all. It's where you become to you're
		
00:51:21 --> 00:51:22
			in the position where you're humble.
		
00:51:23 --> 00:51:26
			Where your love your emotion you have you
		
00:51:26 --> 00:51:27
			have love but you also have humbleness.
		
00:51:27 --> 00:51:30
			So Abidat here is post pointing out two
		
00:51:30 --> 00:51:32
			aspects of of this of her character.
		
00:51:32 --> 00:51:34
			First of all that she is someone who
		
00:51:34 --> 00:51:36
			has the ability to love. She's she has
		
00:51:36 --> 00:51:37
			that and she is humble.
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:40
			She has humble and she has humility.
		
00:51:40 --> 00:51:41
			That is an amazing
		
00:51:42 --> 00:51:43
			That's a very very good
		
00:51:43 --> 00:51:46
			combo to have. Love without tumbleness turns into
		
00:51:46 --> 00:51:48
			the opposite of what we talked about in
		
00:51:48 --> 00:51:49
			the verses before. Right?
		
00:51:50 --> 00:51:52
			And without love, it doesn't Without that emotional
		
00:51:52 --> 00:51:54
			peace doesn't work out. So practicing
		
00:51:54 --> 00:51:55
			with proper conviction.
		
00:51:56 --> 00:51:58
			Someone who's task oriented who gets the job
		
00:51:58 --> 00:52:01
			done. Someone who is ethically both intact, humble,
		
00:52:01 --> 00:52:03
			and has the emotion.
		
00:52:03 --> 00:52:04
			I think
		
00:52:04 --> 00:52:06
			Sorry I missed out the
		
00:52:07 --> 00:52:09
			taibat. Taibat which is the repental piece. The
		
00:52:09 --> 00:52:11
			piece of repentance. Taaiba doesn't mean
		
00:52:12 --> 00:52:14
			that they just repent back to Allah subhanahu
		
00:52:14 --> 00:52:17
			wa'an. Taaiba means they have the ability to
		
00:52:17 --> 00:52:18
			recognize when they make a mistake and they
		
00:52:18 --> 00:52:19
			can fix it.
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:23
			This is a personality trait. It's a personality
		
00:52:23 --> 00:52:25
			trait. That someone can recognize when they did
		
00:52:25 --> 00:52:27
			something wrong and they can go back and
		
00:52:27 --> 00:52:28
			they can fix it. And they're willing to
		
00:52:28 --> 00:52:29
			admit when they're wrong.
		
00:52:30 --> 00:52:32
			This is a big deal in life. In
		
00:52:32 --> 00:52:33
			life in general. If you have the ability
		
00:52:33 --> 00:52:34
			if you don't have the ability to do
		
00:52:34 --> 00:52:35
			this, this is a problem. If you don't
		
00:52:35 --> 00:52:37
			have the ability to recognize and admit that
		
00:52:37 --> 00:52:38
			when you were
		
00:52:39 --> 00:52:41
			wrong. Like I said, if you're always going
		
00:52:41 --> 00:52:41
			to be right, then we're not going to
		
00:52:41 --> 00:52:43
			get anywhere. Yeah. Ta'i'baat. You have to be
		
00:52:43 --> 00:52:44
			someone who's capable of
		
00:52:45 --> 00:52:48
			recognizing a mistake and fixing it. Sa'ihatin.
		
00:52:48 --> 00:52:49
			Sa'ihatin.
		
00:52:53 --> 00:52:56
			We use the word siahad to talk about
		
00:52:56 --> 00:52:59
			tourism. Right? So asaiyah is a tourist
		
00:53:00 --> 00:53:03
			and it's a figure of speech. The word
		
00:53:03 --> 00:53:04
			saiyah means someone
		
00:53:04 --> 00:53:05
			who is flexible.
		
00:53:06 --> 00:53:08
			Not physically but
		
00:53:08 --> 00:53:09
			psychologically and mentally.
		
00:53:10 --> 00:53:12
			Someone who can move from one position to
		
00:53:12 --> 00:53:14
			the other. Someone who is not fixed or
		
00:53:14 --> 00:53:14
			fixated.
		
00:53:15 --> 00:53:17
			Someone who is capable of when things need
		
00:53:17 --> 00:53:19
			to be different or we need to make
		
00:53:19 --> 00:53:21
			an adjustment or we need to move from
		
00:53:21 --> 00:53:22
			one place to the other. It's used to
		
00:53:22 --> 00:53:23
			talk about moving from one place to the
		
00:53:23 --> 00:53:26
			other in a very easy way. That's how
		
00:53:26 --> 00:53:28
			we That's how the the word tourism It
		
00:53:28 --> 00:53:30
			became how we used to talk about tourism
		
00:53:30 --> 00:53:32
			because you're moving in a very easy flow
		
00:53:32 --> 00:53:34
			physically, but it's actually The actual meaning for
		
00:53:34 --> 00:53:36
			it is not really physical, it's more mental.
		
00:53:36 --> 00:53:39
			Meaning you're someone who's capable, who's easy going,
		
00:53:39 --> 00:53:40
			who will move from one position to the
		
00:53:40 --> 00:53:42
			other. It's not a problem. When there's adjustments
		
00:53:42 --> 00:53:44
			needed, adjustments are needed. It's not gonna be
		
00:53:44 --> 00:53:45
			a wall. This is impossible. We'll never do
		
00:53:45 --> 00:53:47
			this. We can't do this. No. We have
		
00:53:47 --> 00:53:47
			that flexibility.
		
00:53:49 --> 00:53:50
			This is what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is
		
00:53:50 --> 00:53:52
			telling you as a Muslim person when you're
		
00:53:52 --> 00:53:54
			looking for a spouse to look for. You
		
00:53:54 --> 00:53:56
			look for someone with a bunch of personality
		
00:53:56 --> 00:53:59
			traits. Right? It's really Everything else doesn't like
		
00:53:59 --> 00:54:00
			if you think about it, like he didn't
		
00:54:00 --> 00:54:02
			talk about Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala here about wealth.
		
00:54:02 --> 00:54:03
			He didn't talk about beauty. He didn't talk
		
00:54:03 --> 00:54:04
			about
		
00:54:05 --> 00:54:06
			academics, he didn't talk about he talked about
		
00:54:06 --> 00:54:08
			the person because when in order for a
		
00:54:08 --> 00:54:10
			marriage to work, none of that matters.
		
00:54:11 --> 00:54:12
			People who are married know this. As long
		
00:54:12 --> 00:54:13
			as you have enough food to eat that
		
00:54:13 --> 00:54:15
			night and you're living in a house so
		
00:54:15 --> 00:54:17
			you're not sleeping outside in the open and
		
00:54:17 --> 00:54:19
			you're not exposed, then what matters is none
		
00:54:19 --> 00:54:21
			of that stuff. What matters is the personality
		
00:54:22 --> 00:54:23
			of the 2 people who are in this
		
00:54:23 --> 00:54:24
			relationship.
		
00:54:26 --> 00:54:28
			The practicing piece.
		
00:54:28 --> 00:54:29
			The conviction.
		
00:54:31 --> 00:54:32
			The willingness to get the task done. To
		
00:54:32 --> 00:54:34
			put in the extra effort.
		
00:54:34 --> 00:54:36
			The ability to admit when they're wrong when
		
00:54:36 --> 00:54:38
			someone's wrong and and to fix a mistake.
		
00:54:39 --> 00:54:39
			Right?
		
00:54:40 --> 00:54:43
			The humbleness and the emotional piece be there.
		
00:54:44 --> 00:54:47
			The flexibility, the mental and psychological flexibility and
		
00:54:47 --> 00:54:50
			easy going. You have these 6 and then
		
00:54:51 --> 00:54:53
			Some married before. Some
		
00:54:54 --> 00:54:56
			were not married before. Doesn't matter. Like you'll
		
00:54:56 --> 00:54:58
			find both are fine. Like this is the
		
00:54:58 --> 00:54:58
			only
		
00:54:59 --> 00:55:01
			the only one where he put the 2
		
00:55:01 --> 00:55:03
			opposites is here. All of the rest of
		
00:55:03 --> 00:55:05
			the verses, all of the rest of the
		
00:55:06 --> 00:55:07
			descriptions or
		
00:55:08 --> 00:55:09
			the adjectives
		
00:55:09 --> 00:55:11
			are just are adding upon each other. The
		
00:55:11 --> 00:55:13
			ones that are opposite are and
		
00:55:14 --> 00:55:16
			Abkar opposite. He doesn't think of that because
		
00:55:16 --> 00:55:18
			it doesn't matter. Saying you can do this
		
00:55:18 --> 00:55:18
			or this.
		
00:55:19 --> 00:55:21
			That shouldn't be a criteria for you. Like
		
00:55:21 --> 00:55:23
			whether she's married before or not married before
		
00:55:23 --> 00:55:25
			that you can both are fine. Both are
		
00:55:25 --> 00:55:27
			khair. It doesn't matter. What you should be
		
00:55:27 --> 00:55:27
			looking for is understand
		
00:55:31 --> 00:55:33
			what this means. And then when you have
		
00:55:33 --> 00:55:34
			as a man, I'm telling you this as
		
00:55:34 --> 00:55:36
			a man. It works both ways which is
		
00:55:36 --> 00:55:38
			why this is cool,
		
00:55:38 --> 00:55:40
			which is why this I is ends differently.
		
00:55:40 --> 00:55:42
			It works both ways. Meaning, as I tell
		
00:55:42 --> 00:55:44
			you as a young man, if you're looking
		
00:55:44 --> 00:55:46
			for a marriage to look for these things,
		
00:55:47 --> 00:55:48
			Look for these traits in the person that
		
00:55:48 --> 00:55:50
			you want to get married to. As a
		
00:55:50 --> 00:55:52
			woman, you should look for something similar. Now
		
00:55:52 --> 00:55:54
			why is talked about women specifically? Because the
		
00:55:54 --> 00:55:55
			woman has to look for a few more
		
00:55:55 --> 00:55:56
			things.
		
00:55:56 --> 00:55:57
			It's not just an It's not enough for
		
00:55:57 --> 00:55:58
			him just to be Muslim.
		
00:55:59 --> 00:56:01
			No. No. He also has to be able
		
00:56:01 --> 00:56:01
			to provide.
		
00:56:02 --> 00:56:04
			He also has to be financially responsible.
		
00:56:04 --> 00:56:06
			He also has to Yeah. There's a few
		
00:56:06 --> 00:56:08
			other traits that a man needs in order
		
00:56:08 --> 00:56:09
			for a woman to be okay with it.
		
00:56:09 --> 00:56:12
			There's a little bit more there. And usually,
		
00:56:12 --> 00:56:14
			the woman on her own to judge that
		
00:56:14 --> 00:56:15
			is she needs some help. Like, she needs
		
00:56:15 --> 00:56:17
			a man to kind of help with that
		
00:56:17 --> 00:56:18
			piece, like to give she she needs a
		
00:56:18 --> 00:56:20
			wedding. She needs a father or a brother,
		
00:56:20 --> 00:56:21
			someone a man that she respects and loves
		
00:56:21 --> 00:56:23
			and who cares for her life to kind
		
00:56:23 --> 00:56:25
			of size up the guy first. It's it's
		
00:56:25 --> 00:56:26
			not it's
		
00:56:27 --> 00:56:28
			it's not it's not it's not easy to
		
00:56:28 --> 00:56:31
			do alone. Men are very good at deceit.
		
00:56:31 --> 00:56:33
			They're very good. Very good at putting up.
		
00:56:33 --> 00:56:34
			They're amazing.
		
00:56:34 --> 00:56:34
			This
		
00:56:35 --> 00:56:37
			is literally It comes by nature.
		
00:56:38 --> 00:56:39
			It requires no training.
		
00:56:40 --> 00:56:42
			There's no handbook. It just happens. Men just
		
00:56:42 --> 00:56:43
			know how to do. So you need another
		
00:56:43 --> 00:56:45
			man to size someone up when it comes
		
00:56:45 --> 00:56:46
			to this stuff. When a man is looking
		
00:56:46 --> 00:56:47
			for marriage, this is what you look for.
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:50
			You look for these traits. These 6 that
		
00:56:50 --> 00:56:51
			Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And then the iibaati
		
00:56:51 --> 00:56:53
			waqara, whether they're married before or not. That's
		
00:56:53 --> 00:56:55
			not that's not the deal breaker.
		
00:56:55 --> 00:56:57
			And and I find that we we don't,
		
00:56:58 --> 00:57:00
			not only are we not searching for these
		
00:57:00 --> 00:57:01
			things properly,
		
00:57:01 --> 00:57:03
			for when young men are getting married,
		
00:57:03 --> 00:57:06
			we're also not focusing on these traits when
		
00:57:06 --> 00:57:07
			we're
		
00:57:07 --> 00:57:09
			raising our young ones. We're raising people so
		
00:57:09 --> 00:57:10
			that they're ready to get married. We're not
		
00:57:10 --> 00:57:12
			focused on these issues,
		
00:57:12 --> 00:57:15
			on the practice and on the conviction
		
00:57:15 --> 00:57:18
			and on the, Yani, the, the ownership. The
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:20
			task oriented is the ownership that you feel
		
00:57:20 --> 00:57:21
			like this is my I have to get
		
00:57:21 --> 00:57:23
			this done. This is my job. Whether I
		
00:57:23 --> 00:57:24
			have to whether I get it done during
		
00:57:24 --> 00:57:25
			the regular hours or I have to wait
		
00:57:25 --> 00:57:26
			later. It doesn't matter. It's my responsibility to
		
00:57:26 --> 00:57:28
			get it done. You need someone who feels
		
00:57:28 --> 00:57:30
			responsible for things that they actually take ownership
		
00:57:30 --> 00:57:31
			on.
		
00:57:31 --> 00:57:33
			People who are willing to make admit their
		
00:57:33 --> 00:57:35
			mistakes. People are willing
		
00:57:35 --> 00:57:37
			to be humble and to show emotion and
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:38
			be vulnerable. Those who are willing
		
00:57:39 --> 00:57:40
			to be flexible when things change in the
		
00:57:40 --> 00:57:43
			world or life changes or it's not the
		
00:57:43 --> 00:57:44
			same. They're not gonna be as comfortable as
		
00:57:44 --> 00:57:46
			they was as they were before. They have
		
00:57:46 --> 00:57:47
			to Then they're willing to do that. This
		
00:57:47 --> 00:57:49
			is important. This is what life is. This
		
00:57:49 --> 00:57:50
			is what life is.
		
00:57:51 --> 00:57:53
			This is what life provides you, provides all
		
00:57:53 --> 00:57:55
			of us, and it's just a matter of
		
00:57:55 --> 00:57:56
			time if you're in a position where you
		
00:57:56 --> 00:57:58
			don't it's just a matter of time before
		
00:57:58 --> 00:57:59
			that becomes the
		
00:58:00 --> 00:58:02
			the norm. Alright. So that's the first five
		
00:58:02 --> 00:58:04
			verses of Surat Al Taherim. They offer us
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:06
			a little bit of a microscopic,
		
00:58:08 --> 00:58:10
			view of the prophet alaihis salatu wa sallam's
		
00:58:11 --> 00:58:12
			in yeah, any intricate
		
00:58:12 --> 00:58:13
			and interpersonal
		
00:58:14 --> 00:58:15
			relationships he had with his spouses.
		
00:58:16 --> 00:58:18
			It teaches a couple of lessons. It points
		
00:58:18 --> 00:58:19
			something out
		
00:58:19 --> 00:58:20
			for
		
00:58:21 --> 00:58:23
			for his status, alaihis salazar. It points something
		
00:58:23 --> 00:58:25
			out for us when we are looking for
		
00:58:25 --> 00:58:27
			marriage, what exactly we should be looking for
		
00:58:27 --> 00:58:29
			in terms of other people's and people's traits.
		
00:58:29 --> 00:58:31
			Now the verses, kind of take a little
		
00:58:31 --> 00:58:33
			bit of shift. I'm gonna I think we
		
00:58:33 --> 00:58:35
			have a few minutes to read to read
		
00:58:35 --> 00:58:36
			the 5th and I'll talk about it a
		
00:58:36 --> 00:58:37
			little bit until it's Isha and then we'll
		
00:58:37 --> 00:58:39
			continue talking about it next week insha Allah.
		
00:59:40 --> 00:59:42
			So the build up of this whole surah
		
00:59:42 --> 00:59:43
			was for this ayah. This is the central
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:45
			ayah within the surah for sure. There's a
		
00:59:45 --> 00:59:46
			lot of lessons coming up, but this is
		
00:59:46 --> 00:59:48
			the central verse in the surah. And Surah
		
00:59:48 --> 00:59:50
			have central verses and some some of them
		
00:59:50 --> 00:59:51
			are designed that way and some of them
		
00:59:51 --> 00:59:53
			are not and this one is.
		
00:59:54 --> 00:59:56
			Here's the final line or the bottom line
		
00:59:56 --> 00:59:57
			that you have to learn from when it
		
00:59:57 --> 00:59:58
			comes to family.
		
00:59:59 --> 01:00:00
			All those who believe
		
01:00:02 --> 01:00:03
			comes from the
		
01:00:04 --> 01:00:06
			root of Taqwa. It's the same it's the
		
01:00:06 --> 01:00:08
			same root. Taqwa is to prevent. It comes
		
01:00:08 --> 01:00:09
			from waka.
		
01:00:09 --> 01:00:10
			Right? Waka
		
01:00:11 --> 01:00:13
			is to protect. So taqwa is the concept
		
01:00:13 --> 01:00:14
			of protection and preventativeness.
		
01:00:15 --> 01:00:17
			It has both meanings within it. And we
		
01:00:17 --> 01:00:19
			talked about that in some degree of detail
		
01:00:19 --> 01:00:20
			in Surat Al Talaq.
		
01:00:21 --> 01:00:23
			So wakaa is the root of the concept
		
01:00:23 --> 01:00:24
			of taqwa.
		
01:00:24 --> 01:00:26
			When you use it as a, as a
		
01:00:26 --> 01:00:29
			verb in the past tense, wakaa to protect.
		
01:00:29 --> 01:00:32
			Yeah. Yakri is to protect in the present
		
01:00:32 --> 01:00:33
			tense. If I'm going to command you to
		
01:00:33 --> 01:00:35
			protect yourself, I will say
		
01:00:36 --> 01:00:38
			I was It's just aqaaf with a kasra
		
01:00:38 --> 01:00:40
			on it. And there's like a bunch of
		
01:00:41 --> 01:00:44
			words in the Arabic language that when they
		
01:00:44 --> 01:00:44
			are command,
		
01:00:45 --> 01:00:47
			it can turn just into a letter. And
		
01:00:47 --> 01:00:49
			there's a known poet who put them all
		
01:00:49 --> 01:00:51
			together in a few verses of poetry. Maybe
		
01:00:51 --> 01:00:52
			I'll share with them one day. But, so
		
01:00:52 --> 01:00:54
			this is one of them. Is to protect
		
01:00:54 --> 01:00:55
			yourself.
		
01:00:55 --> 01:00:56
			Is the plural.
		
01:00:56 --> 01:00:58
			So means protect.
		
01:01:00 --> 01:01:01
			Protect yourselves
		
01:01:02 --> 01:01:02
			and your families.
		
01:01:04 --> 01:01:05
			Is not your parents.
		
01:01:07 --> 01:01:09
			In Arabic is your spouse and children.
		
01:01:09 --> 01:01:11
			Right? It's not your parents.
		
01:01:13 --> 01:01:15
			Now it's not wrong to add a hadith,
		
01:01:15 --> 01:01:16
			add them to this. It's not like a
		
01:01:16 --> 01:01:18
			It's not it's not And we'll see, but
		
01:01:18 --> 01:01:20
			if you do it again in certain contexts,
		
01:01:20 --> 01:01:22
			I can It can make some sense, but
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:23
			for sure here it's not.
		
01:01:24 --> 01:01:26
			It doesn't fit the context and the word
		
01:01:26 --> 01:01:26
			itself,
		
01:01:28 --> 01:01:29
			I'm going back to my wife. If you
		
01:01:29 --> 01:01:31
			say, you're not married,
		
01:01:31 --> 01:01:32
			you're lying.
		
01:01:33 --> 01:01:34
			If you say in Arabic, in the Arabic
		
01:01:34 --> 01:01:36
			language Fos'a, if I say, if you say
		
01:01:36 --> 01:01:37
			I'm going to Azul Ahli and you're not
		
01:01:37 --> 01:01:39
			married, then you're lying. You're going to
		
01:01:40 --> 01:01:42
			visit your wife. That's what Ahli means. And
		
01:01:42 --> 01:01:44
			all the and brothers from from Khaleed use
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:47
			this term appropriately. Like the brothers from Saudi
		
01:01:47 --> 01:01:49
			Arabia, they say it correctly. Mahana, the people
		
01:01:49 --> 01:01:52
			from Syria, we say it wrong. Ahli are
		
01:01:52 --> 01:01:53
			my parents. It's wrong. Ahli
		
01:01:54 --> 01:01:56
			is your wife and your children and that's
		
01:01:56 --> 01:01:58
			just the Arabic usage of the word. Just
		
01:01:58 --> 01:01:59
			to understand like it's okay. You can continue
		
01:01:59 --> 01:02:00
			to use it that way in slang, but
		
01:02:00 --> 01:02:02
			as long as you understand what it means
		
01:02:02 --> 01:02:04
			in the Quran appropriately. So
		
01:02:05 --> 01:02:06
			protect yourselves
		
01:02:07 --> 01:02:08
			and your families.
		
01:02:08 --> 01:02:09
			From a fire.
		
01:02:12 --> 01:02:12
			Fueled
		
01:02:13 --> 01:02:14
			by people and rock.
		
01:02:18 --> 01:02:18
			Upon it
		
01:02:19 --> 01:02:21
			are angels of God.
		
01:02:21 --> 01:02:22
			That are
		
01:02:22 --> 01:02:23
			ferocious.
		
01:02:23 --> 01:02:25
			Shidad, extremely powerful.
		
01:02:28 --> 01:02:30
			They do not disobey Allah regardless of what
		
01:02:30 --> 01:02:31
			he commands them to do.
		
01:02:33 --> 01:02:34
			And they perform the
		
01:02:34 --> 01:02:36
			tasks that they are asked to perform or
		
01:02:36 --> 01:02:37
			commanded to perform.
		
01:02:38 --> 01:02:39
			So a couple of verses A couple of
		
01:02:39 --> 01:02:41
			descriptions here at the end are focused on
		
01:02:41 --> 01:02:43
			the malaika that are standing in front of
		
01:02:43 --> 01:02:43
			jahannam.
		
01:02:43 --> 01:02:46
			Why? Just in case Now the command is
		
01:02:46 --> 01:02:46
			simple.
		
01:02:48 --> 01:02:50
			Protect yourselves and your family from a fire.
		
01:02:50 --> 01:02:51
			And just in case you don't understand what
		
01:02:51 --> 01:02:53
			this fire is, he just gives you a
		
01:02:53 --> 01:02:54
			quick description
		
01:02:54 --> 01:02:56
			of the ones that are responsible
		
01:02:56 --> 01:02:57
			for gatekeeping
		
01:02:57 --> 01:02:59
			without going inside and see what's inside. Here
		
01:02:59 --> 01:03:01
			what the gatekeepers look like just so I
		
01:03:01 --> 01:03:02
			understand.
		
01:03:02 --> 01:03:02
			And we'll talk