Adnan Rajeh – English Tafseer Halaqah
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AI: Transcript ©
And this week we will start with a
new Surah, Surah Al Talab.
And Surah Al Talab, as I pointed out,
a number number of times over the last
month because we did take a full 4
weeks to actually get through it, just longer
than usually a surah that short takes. But
because it stands out within this jujitsu so
much, because it's so different than all the
surahs beside it and all the surahs before
and after it,
I gave it I gave it that degree
of attention.
This just from or this, this cluster of
surahs from in Mujadila to at Taherim, they're
organizational.
They they they address the Muslim society, the
Muslim population, the Muslim country, the Muslim Ummah,
and they organize certain aspects of their relationships
amongst each other, their relationship with others, with
their citizens,
with their the social contract that they have,
with their leadership.
They talk about,
you know, what what the buy in is,
what the what the burden that every the
burden that we all should be carrying looks
like. And then in the midst of it
all,
that basically just reminds us of why we
do what we do. Because all these technicalities
can can easily distract us from why we
do it. And once you forget the moment
you forget why you do it, khalas, your
your yeah. Your shaitan doesn't need to do
anything anymore. It'll just it'll just slowly spiral
out of control. It's just a matter of
time. As as long as you remind yourself
of why you do what you do and
you do it to please Allah and there's
there's this anchor that always brings you back
because as you gonna go through the path,
but what happens is you slowly start to
kinda steer away from from the straight line.
And and reminding yourself of your intention and
why you do it is the anchor that
brings you back to the path every time,
which which what Surah Al Ta'aba talks about.
Don't fool yourself. Don't elude yourself. Remember why
you do what you do in order for
you to do it appropriately, correctly, and in
that it serves its purpose. So that's what
Surat al Ta'von talks talked about, and I
went into some degree of detail regarding it.
Surat al Qalaq, we go back again to
organizational issues. Surat al Qalaq is is the
domestic relationships as in marriage,
the family,
is what Surah Al Taheem is gonna go
into more deep depth, but Surah Al Parakh
talks about the the the
the mat matrimony.
It talks about marriage and the relationship between
between spouses. And when it ends, how it's
supposed to end and how that and what
and what rulings will govern that, which is
obviously understood through the name of qurah, which
is divorce.
Mind you that before this surah in the
Quran, and I can't really say that
it was the first time in the Quran
in terms of revelation that the Sahaba heard
about Talaq because they had heard it talks
about in the Quran in Surat Al Baqarah,
for example,
There's a lot of verses in the in
the second Jews of Surat Al Baqarah that
have these details. And Al Baqarah is an
early Madani Surah that was revealed way before
Al Baqarah was. Al Baqarah was in late
Madani Surah. But it it there's a there's
a
Surah in the Quran that's named that.
And that was a big deal because
because there was a lot of taboo
religiously that was associated with the concept of
divorce
for a very long time. As you as
many of you know that within the Catholic,
faith, for example, it's it's actually it doesn't
exist. The concept doesn't exist. The marriage is
for life. The only time you can actually
get out is if they annul the marriage,
which is a weird concept that I when
I when I questioned a little bit, the
answers were
you could tell that they had made some
stuff up to make this work, Yani. Because
whenever someone has to squirm with their answers,
you can tell that it's not it's it's
just not it's not valid. So they didn't
have that concept of of of divorce, and
and and the Jew and then the Jewish
tradition, it doesn't exist the way it exists
for us either. They don't have that flexibility
when it comes to to divorce. And the
Arab before that also dealt with divorce in
a certain in a very certain way. What
are the reasons? What are the reasons that
men, that families would sometimes do what they
did to the to to infant,
girls that were born. The con they know,
the the the the horrific, you know, the
crime of what the bearing came from the
from this, from being
such a you know, such a stain, such
a a shameful thing that occurred to them
that they they didn't want to have to
go through. Which is why
marriages before his time were so oppressive
towards women because they were willing to put
up with anything, but not the shame of
shame of divorce.
Fortunately, we didn't come we have kinda circulated
back to something that Islam got them away
from. Like, Islam got
within the first
to to commit divorce, just so it's clear.
I'm not encouraging that. It's not something that
we want. It's not something that we look
forward to.
It is the it's it's haral, but it's
something that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala dislikes and
does not encourage, and I don't encourage it
either. However,
when it's needed,
when it's required,
it should
occur appropriately
according to the laws of Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala with no oppression and it should not
leave a scar or a stain on a
person's reputation. That's what should happen when it
needs to happen. Right?
Absolutely no one in the world will be
in a position
of divorce and be happy about it. No
one. Not a man, not a woman. I
know what it's a divorce is one of
the most
stressful social situations that a human being can
go through. It is so stressful
that some psychotherapist
and some psychologists and sociologists will say that
the the effect, the stress effect is similar
to being in war.
They will they will they'll point out that
the the stress levels will, you know, are
are
are somewhat similar to someone being in in
in a in a in war, like living
in a this is how how stressful the
concept of divorce can be to the people
who are who are actually undergoing it.
Because within it I'm just gonna give this
this a small introduction before I read just
so you understand the context of what we're
reading.
Because within it is an admission of failure.
Within it, exist the admission
of failure.
Whether we like it or not, when a
divorce happens, the 2 parties are admitting that
they couldn't make it work. And that hurts
regardless of of why and what details there
are. Because no one's willing to listen to
those details. Right?
Even if you're being abused in the marriage
and you have to get out and it's
actually haram for you to stay in a
marriage that is toxic, that is causing you
to lose your faith and lose your sanity
and and and lose your ethics. You have
to get out, but no one's gonna care
to aside from your close friends and family.
No one wants to know. And even if
you tell them they will put effort I
put an effort not to hear what the
people are gonna say. I I don't care.
I can barely I can barely take care
of my own social domestic problems to care
about yours. So you wanna explain to me
that no no. This divorce was absolutely other
term I don't it doesn't matter. It happened.
No one cares. You have to be okay
with that. Like, that that has to be
something
that that's just how it is. That's how
divorce is going to be. It's always been
like that. It will always be like that.
No one is going to care because you
know why? Because we're not that important.
And Because we're not that important. None of
us are. I'm not important enough for people
to stop and actually listen to why I
got divorced and care about it. Right? If
I think I'm that important then my I
have a bigger problem than my divorce. And
my problems are way bigger than my divorce.
If I think that I'm so important that
you're gonna stop your day and actually give
me some mental space to figure out why
I got divorced because it that no one
does that. No one does that. What is
left is that divorce occurred. And that in
its in its in its essence is some
degree of admitting that this didn't work out.
Now the problem is admitting the of admission
of failure
has never been something shameful historically.
The admission of failure has never been something
historically,
or socially
shameful or embarrassing. We fail all the time.
Why is failing a marriage worse than failing
anything out anything else?
If you fail in a court a course
or you fail a year in in reverse,
you fail to start a business, you fail
you're not walking around embarrassed. But why when
you fail a marriage, you walk around feeling
embarrassed? Socially, you don't want to show your
face and and and you struggle with it.
And then, obviously, what happens is the is
the reverse effects occurs. So you become self
righteous and you go after the other person
saying it's absolutely their fault. They are Iblis
themselves. That's he was a he was a
bliss. That's why I had to leave him
and you become self righteous, which is just
is not helpful. Like that that reverse psychology
where you go from feeling embarrassed to now
becoming the the the,
the condescending spouse that's saying you are absolutely
he was absolutely garbage that's why I had
to leave him. It's not helpful either. It
all comes from a psychological struggle where we
are not confident enough to admit that we
failed and it's okay. And yes, I was
a part of that failure too. I could
have done something better to make it work.
I didn't do it. For example, I could
have made a better choice at the beginning.
Right? Or I could have asked better questions
or I could have been a better spouse.
Every person in divorce will feel that the
other person should have done more and that's
fine. And I'm not asking to change that.
But what is the percentage
of divorces that occur where one party is
absolutely responsible for a 100% of the reason
that it's not working?
I don't know if it's a if it
has existed yet.
Even though every divorcee will feel that their
their divorce is absolutely that sort that that
example. And that comes from our from the
way we've made people feel about this topic.
Like, we've we've made it so difficult for
this to occur when it needs to occur.
This is not I'll repeat it. I'm gonna
say this, like, 5 times throughout this halakah.
This is not an encouragement
for divorce by any measure.
Divorce is the is a very stressful thing.
It ruins families. It it makes the lives
of children very difficult. It hurts people. It
hurts their relationships. It hurts families that are
connected. It's not nice.
Never will be, never was. But of the
few things that we had going for us
as Muslims
before the beginning of the turn of the
millennium was that we didn't have a high
percentage of divorce in our community, in our
society. Now we are almost
similar to the regular rates. Like, we have,
worked our way to be similar to the
rest of the rates of divorce within other
societies. Like, half of divorces don't work, half
of second, 2 thirds of second marriages don't
work. We're we're similar to those numbers now.
We haven't like, we're actually we're we're we're
almost exactly like the the the the general
public in the status quo.
It was very which is very, yeah, I
mean, unnerving and and and upsetting because what
we had going for us and what we
were we took pride in as a Muslim
is that we held our families together, and
we kept our families together. We worked hard
on it. Men and women, we worked hard
at keeping families together, making it work, figuring
figuring it out, finding a way to make
things work. We got over ourselves and our
egos. We figured out ways to make this
marriage work so the kids can grow up
in a family and they could have a
father and a mother. Because sometimes life will
take away a father or a mother. Someone
will pass away and that's that's that's natural
causes. But when it's when it's not when
it's not necessary, why does it have to
happen? So we try to avoid it, but
sometimes despite our best efforts,
still the best choice at this moment is
a divorce. This is the best choice that
we have to break this off because we
are not good for one another. We're ruining
our yeah. Our our each other. We're ruining
our we're actually harming our children. We've tried
things. It's not working. We just can't get
along. So we have to perform with divorce.
That should not be something that is so
scarring to to that causes us to react
emotionally and psychologically in a negative way. We
have just because it's an admission of failure.
It's okay. We all do things and we
fail.
And when we fail, we have to take
in a struggle. We have to learn.
If you don't do that, then you can't
learn from your mistakes. If I fail at
starting a business,
right, and my attitude is as absolutely the
market's fault, and all of the
anti semites and all anti zionists and anti
and all the anti establishments and all the
people who are part of them.
Military industrial complex and all of the jinn
and the and the and the and the
in the world. And that's why I failed.
Then you learn nothing.
You didn't learn anything. Right? You're gonna start
the next business you start will fail too.
And the 3rd and the 4th and 5th
and every other business. So you can't do
that when you you can't do that when
you study, when you when you when you
fail a year at university, you can't blame
everything. You have to there has to be
some blame that you apply to yourself so
you can grow and learn.
Marriage is no different.
When there's a divorce, it's no different.
We have to apply a certain amount of
that blame upon ourselves so we can learn
and grow.
Why is that one specifically
so difficult to do?
Why have we made it so taboo to
the point where neither party are willing to
admit
that maybe they were at fault at certain
points within the stories where they can learn
and grow and then move on and get
married again and live a good life.
I have I don't say theories. There are
reasons for why this happened. One of the
reasons is because marriage became
so * complicated.
It becomes so difficult to actually get married
now. And it's so over
honey, you've
yeah. It's it's just way too much to
what it needs to be. When you when
it requires
someone
to jump through 15 hoops to get into
marriage, and then they have to put down
a huge amount of money for a wedding.
And literally, the whole city has to go
and celebrate, and people are dancing for a
couple of nights in a row. It's hard
to break that off later.
Because you made such a big deal of
something that maybe doesn't need to be such
a big it's a big deal. They're not
even that big, though.
Doesn't the the weddings that we are is
is way too much. Yeah. This is way
too much. This is not this is not
accept this is not acceptable. This is not
the prophet did not teach this. So how
did this none of those none of the
Muslims in history did this to this degree.
It's almost as if we're doing it like
that to make it impossible to go back.
It's almost like we are making these weddings
so humongous,
so huge. And we're making sure that everyone,
that the girl and the family and the
are all demanding things that are making this
like a once in a in a decade,
once in a century event and occurrence
that it's impossible later on for someone to
admit that we're not happy and this is
not working anymore.
And we need and we need to think
differently. See, if you study the lives of
the Sahabi yet, and this is actually something
that's worthy of of looking into.
You will find
that divorce occurred more often than you think.
Right? Divorce would occur more way more often
than you probably imagine.
But remarriage occurred more often than you imagine
as well.
Meaning, that one of the reasons the exists
is so that she wouldn't get married before
it ended.
Because the lady would get divorced and then
she would have 3 or 4 suitors waiting
in line to ask for her. And the
idea would be no, give her time. Not
just biologically, but isopsychologically
to get over what just happened before she
goes and gets another marriage.
Now, yes, polygamy existed so that made it
easier. I mean, men would marry more than
1 woman, but still even without it, I
don't think it's that far off. Like, I
don't think polygamy was the reason that ladies
would get remarried quickly. I think it was
just a cultural thing where it didn't wasn't
a big deal. If someone got divorced, it
wasn't a scar on the woman nor on
the man. Right now, it's becoming
in many societies a scar. Oh, they're she's
divorced. Well, now we have to get pay
a private investigator a couple of $100,000
to go and figure out why they got
divorced and see what her Musilever is. As
if the person that he is doing that
is flawless. As if your son no. No.
He's flawless. He is he is perfect. He
is just a bait a nice big strawberry.
There's nothing wrong there's nothing wrong with him.
He never makes mistakes. He I mean, his
farts are roses and rainbows. He doesn't
when we be when we hate when we
think that yeah. I mean, we have to
go into detail to figure out every the
person's every flaw. Yeah. Everyone is flawed.
Everyone. Absolutely.
Every person has flaws.
Flaws, sometimes flaws that are hard. They're not
easy to deal with. But as long as
the person is not abusive
as long as they're not abusive, meaning they
are not
physically or financially or socially or verbally abusive,
which is abuse. This has a very specific
social and psychological definition, by the way, that
we have to adhere to when we talk
about. Not everything. Not someone who doesn't talk
a lot is not abusive. Someone who doesn't
like, you have to be careful with how
we we define this word, but this word
is defined. As long as they're not that
and there are people who have decent have
decency. Meaning, when it comes to their ethics,
they are not you have any pathological
thieves or pathological liars or a narcissist, which
are very, again, very rare, then
then really we're all pretty much the same.
And whatever you don't like about one person,
the other person is not gonna be that
much different. There's maybe they don't have that
one problem you didn't like, but they'll have
some other problem you don't like either. So
just get get used to this one because
the next person in line is just, yeah.
No one the the pizza is always missing
a couple of slices.
Right? Don't throw out the box because there's
3 slices out. The next box may have
more slices missing. The next box may have
a pineapple on it and then now you're
gonna vomit when you see it. So maybe
maybe if the box that you have is
reasonable, maybe you don't get rid of it
that quickly.
See, talking about marriage is such a balance,
which is why the Quran talks about a
lot. It's such a balance where we have
to encourage people to figure their problems out.
Yeah. I mean, figure it out. Make it
work. Find ways to make it work. Fight
for this union. Fight for for matrimony. Fight
for the family. Work hard for it. But
then if you do all that, you respect
merit, you respect the the the effort that
needs to be put in it and the
union and the that the man carries when
he takes care of his wife and the
the wife takes care has when she take
care takes care of her husband and you
absolutely try everything. And you've and you've tried
to get over yourself and you've communicated, it's
just not working. You guys are making yourself
then you can have a lock.
You can have it with them. Appropriately, it
can occur if needed and it should not
scar either party. They should be able to
go out and get married again. I'm I'm
watching these young people get divorced and
was, no, I need, like, 4 years of
rehab before.
Why? Why? Why do you need you're fine.
Yeah. I mean, a couple of months and
go back, get married again.
What did you learn from your marriage?
The second time around is always easier.
Well, like, anything you do, the second time
around is always easier. Anything. Whatever you do
in life, the second time will always be
better.
You always get it done better because you've
learned from the first time. Like, yeah, the
first time I did 123, those ruined
I can't I will never admit
it to her, but I know that 1,
2, 3, had I not done that, none
of this would have happened. I'll never admit
it, but I know you learned that and
the next time you don't do them, it
will be better. Same goes for the woman.
She probably remembers that by just didn't say
that, didn't think that, less of this, more
of that, everything would have been fine. Then
and you're not supposed to admit it to
the other person. I'm saying admitting it to
yourself. Saying be taking that blame to yourself.
I know what I should have done.
So the concept of not I see it
as experience and people look at, don't get
married to a forced person. Why?
Why? You you hire a rookie or someone
with some experience?
Most likely this person has experience. You know
what they're doing. They'll come in there. I
I got it. I figured it out last
time I made a I did but we
have to have that, culture.
That culture has to exist within our ummah,
where we're not scarring and shaming people when
they get divorced. Right? When they get divorced.
As long as they have the proper understanding
of marriage. So we have to make marriage
a bit more accessible. We have to make
it a bit more reasonable in terms of
how people are going to go by it.
We can't make a big deal of it
to the point where the lady and the
man are stuck in it,
hating it, trying everything to make it work
and it's not working because they feel like
this is such a horror this is going
to be a it's going to be it's
not that big a deal.
Deal. Was married to Ubakar and Amr. And
Uthman and Ali and Jafar.
She was married to 5 men in her
life and she had children from all 5
of them.
Khadija was married to 2 men before the
prophet, alayhi salaam. Khadija
Khadija
Al Khabura. I understand Khadija who Khadija is?
She passed away early in the so that's
why people don't understand. Khadija, she's the mother
of Fatima Zahra, alaihis salam. She's the mother
of of all his all his children, alayhi
salatu wa sallam. She was the most beloved
person to him. 2 marriages before.
Alayhi salatu wa sallam married a divorcee and
a widow.
She was divorced and widowed.
He married her first and he loved her
and he and he was stayed in love
with her until he died. She died 15
years before he passed away.
Tell me there's nothing in there to learn.
He he tell me that that's not that's
nothing's by coincidence in his life
Right? Nothing about his life is coincidental. Everything
coincidental. Everything everything has has meaning. Alaihi Salatu
salam married a lady who was both widowed
and divorced,
and he loved her more than he loved
anything else in his life. He took care
of her children. Alaihi Salatu Salatu Salatu Salatu
Salatu Salatu Salatu Salatu Salatu Salatu Salatu Salatu
Salatu.
So when talking about marriage and talking about
divorce, it's a very
critical balance in my opinion that we have
lost sense of a little bit as Muslims.
We've lost sense of it a little bit.
I think we have to go back and
figure it out.
I understand that probably polygamy will not be
on the table for another couple of centuries.
But for now, we don't need it to
actually fix the concept of marriage. I'm saying
that because men will continue you to use
that argument that, oh, the only way you
can fix it is if it's like, no.
No. It's not polygamy that's the reason that
to fix this stuff. It never was. Not
it's not now, it wasn't then. It's the
attitude that we have towards marriage.
I've seen it. I've seen the attitude a
man has towards marriage when he's looking to
marry his son off versus when he's looking
to marry his daughter off.
I've seen the hypocrisy. I've he I've seen
the schizophrenia.
I've seen how they've talked I've seen how
he talks about it when he's trying to
look for his son.
Well, they they see it. They should be
more reasonable. They should be this. They should
be that. They're making it difficult. And then
when it's his daughter's time, he completely forgets
all of that, and he becomes much more
unreasonable than the the person he was talking
about 2 years before.
I've seen this at least 3 or 4
times in my life, so I have, like,
a very, it's a pet peeve of mine,
and it it bothers me. Why why this,
double standard? Why is someone else's daughter less
valuable than yours? We all daughters are valuable.
Every daughter is loved by her parents as
much as you love yours. It doesn't make
it special.
Oh, but I love my yeah. You're not
special. I love my daughter too. Everyone loves
their daughter. Woohoo. This is nothing you don't
get a ribbon for this. Right? You don't
get ribbon for sitting there and telling the
guy you are taking the most valuable thing
on my every we all understand that. You
don't have to say these things. Yes. Everyone's
daughter is extremely valuable. Let's think that the
son is valuable too. Everyone is valuable.
Equally, across the board, we're all valuable. We
have to start thinking a little bit more
reasonably about this issue so that we can
resolve the problems. You understand that we have
an epidemic.
It's a pandemic actually. Within within the Muslim
world of late marriages
of people who are in their in their
thirties, mid thirties and not married, not even
once.
Understand how rare that was
when the prophet, alaihis salam, was alive. Alaihis
salam. You have no idea how rare that
was at a time where people were literally
starving. That's nothing.
They had nothing. They had to worry about
next day's meal. Like, they had to worry
about the meal of tomorrow. Right? And they
still got married and they did it with
a not a lot of fuss and they
held on to it much better than we
are.
There yeah. There's an issue here that that's
problematic. You can't that's this should not be
the case. And and it's not it's like
one gender. If it was one gender that
was just getting married, then you say, okay.
We have more of this gender than the
other one. We have to look for other
solutions. But no. No. No. You have the
same amount of of mid 30 men and
the same amount of mid 30 women practicing
Muslims, and I don't even I'm not even
gonna gonna reach out of the not practicing
because it's the same numbers. But within the
practicing Muslim society that are not married.
Never been married before.
And and I don't I don't make I
can't make sense of it.
There's a lot of problems obviously, but but
they're not but they don't explain this this
phenomenon.
This very unfortunate
problem that we have. And it's only going
to get worse unless we are willing to
figure out solutions for it. So the Talaq
talks about a bunch of these things.
In a nutshell, I kinda want to just
get this off my chest before we started.
But so the Talak talks about this quite
a bit and goes into a certain degree
of details to understand how to deal with
it because divorce is a necessity.
It's a part of organizing the domestic,
relationships.
It's a part of life. So so Quran
is gonna talk about
it. I'm gonna explain what to do regarding
it so that we
deal with it in a balanced way. Islam
is about balance. Right? Everything that stands without
a balance. It's
all about the it's all about that proper
balance.
Everything exists within within within its balance.
Marriage and divorce also exist within a balance.
It's a it's a delicate and important balance.
Right now, that is off balance in our
societies and can be completely off balance. We
don't we don't have the proper understanding of
it. So marriages are too expensive.
They're happening too late.
Divorces are happening too often,
and they're too scarring.
They're too scarring. These are the these are
problems. We have to get rid of all
4. Marriages have to be more accessible. They
have to happen earlier on. You have to
hold on to them longer. You have to
be able to figure out ways to hold
on to them. And when it when a
divorce is needed, it happens, it's not scarring.
And it's not malicious.
It's not a vicious.
Right? It can't be vicious.
You can't just you can't turn on someone
that way.
We can't turn against upon people that way.
We can't end the marriage in a way
that is that is
no. No. No. What's what happens in most
cases is is very, yeah, is very un
Islamic. And and Islam will and Quran is
gonna focus on that specifically.
That when the marriage ends, it has to
end
just like it started.
It cannot end with this
yani
deep embedded
hatred
that comes out in an extremely racist and
fascist manner
that is vicious and malicious and ruins people's
reputations and it goes after other individuals and
scars them for life.
And that's just not appropriate.
And it happens way too often
for, you know, your story to be unique.
It's happening way too often. We're seeing it
we're seeing it everywhere.
And and you and you probably if you
if you watch non Muslim
propaganda or media or
then you see that these these high scaled
marriages all are ending in such vicious matters.
Like, there's so much,
you know, negativity attached. So
let's start with reciting the Surah, and, we'll
go through the it's one of the few
Surah that start with.
Right? There's not a lot of them that
do.
This is one of them. So it's a
special surah in terms of the way it
begins and, the meaning. It's a very view
by the way, some of the most beautiful
verses in the Quran will exist in this
Surah. Even though it's talking about
like I told you the I I explained
this before.
In this juzuk
that's extremely technical, you will find some of
the most beautiful
verses in the Quran because it's like little
doses.
Technical technical technical and then, ayada is very
spiritual. Right? To make up for that technicality.
To remind you of, it's like in the
middle of the is a spiritual surah in
the midst of all this technicality. And all
these surah,
for example, very technical at the end of
it. Some of the most beautiful verses in
the Quran. Same thing you have, for example,
at the end of it, the same thing
so
it's here. We'll start with and some of
the verses we'll read. When we read them,
you'll know that, yeah. That's where this is.
If you didn't know that before, you'll be
surprised with some some verses exist. Alright.
So he says
and the prophet
is always addressed as
He's never called by his name out
of respect for his maqam and his status
All the other prophets were called by their
name,
but the prophet alaihi sallam is always
So he's always addressed as the the with
the status of prophecy and messenger
and and and messagery.
So
is called
So he's Allah Subhanahu wa Salam is calling
upon the prophet
and then referring to something that the men
do.
Interestingly enough, the prophet
never performed in his life.
You have no evidence that he actually ever
performed talaq to any of his wives. There
are some narrations, but they are they are
not authentic. They don't they don't actually,
they have they lack authenticity. So we don't
have one authentic narration that the prophet alaihi
wasalam ever performed, divorced any of his wives
in his lifetime alaihi wasalam. All of the
he did something called where he
swore to to stay away from his wife
for a month and he didn't he didn't
go through it the whole month and he
did and
in a story. But he never and the
story where he went and he was in
an attic in the Umar al Khattab. People
started talking that he divorced his wives and
Umar al Khattab went to find out. And
it's a long story. I'll maybe I may
I may tell towards the end of the
surah because there's some relevance
to it. But we don't have evidence they
ever performed qala, which is interesting because the
this surah
addresses
him Meaning, you could have
you could have easily been
That kinda makes even more sense to our
brains when we're listening to it because
is in plural. So if you're going to
perform if you're going to divorce your wives,
in plural,
then as a group that you should perform
the divorce
is within this specific period of time that's
permissible to do so. So and we're gonna
talk about that in a moment. I'll explain
that what that means to you in a
second. But really, what I wanna point out
at the beginning is that this ayah or
this surah
began by addressing the prophet alayhi salatu wa
sallam.
Even though he never did this and even
though the way that the verse continues is
in the plural, and he's one person
Again, what makes sense linguistically
is If you are to and he didn't,
So why does not
say There's a lot of surahs in the
Quran that start
for example. So why I just start
No.
That
the issue of divorce is
so,
particular and so sensitive
that Allah is going to speak to the
prophet
directly to lead the Muslims in doing this
moving forward so they do it exactly like
he would have done it how he teaches
it.
Was calling upon the believers. Calling upon the
prophet alayhis salatu waslam for something the believers
will do that he never did alayhis salatu
waslam means that you have to go back
to him. This is something has to be
centralized in terms of its approach. I mean,
there has to be a standard for it
and there has to be some degree of
leadership in in in return when we're talking
about I mean, there has to be a
judiciary system regarding it and there has to
be some role modeling for it. This is
something prophet alaihi sallam has to take seriously
has to take personally and how he's going
to teach people to do it and actually
watch over them doing it. Meaning, it's not
enough that the believer hears this and takes
the ruling upon himself. No. This is something
where there's going to be a judiciary system
that's going to regulate appropriately. Going to have
a court that's going to actually follow along,
which is why the the Quran here taught
calls upon the prophet
and then continues in the plural.
Because like, oh, you're you're in charge. Yeah.
When Nabi, you're in charge of this. So
when they do this, you have to watch
out for it. That makes sense? Like, is
it he's speaking to him alaihis salatu wa
sallam as the leader,
It's not, a ruling that you get to
follow if you want. And if you don't
follow, you're simple, but you no one's no.
No. Someone's going to be regulating because the
prophet alaihi sallam was called upon it at
the beginning, if that makes sense to you.
And that's how those the the scholars of
Islam have understood this ayah for a very
long time,
which is why we, as Muslims, should have
civil court laws. Like we should have our
own civil court law, where we can resolve
our problems within those courts, and the person,
the judge who is sitting there will judge
with the Sharia, and will also hold the
man and the women to their responsibilities within
marriage based on the Sharia. Because this country
may have fair,
laws when it comes to financial compensation at
the end of marriage. But when they actually
talk about marriage,
the interest in keeping the marriage alive
based on responsibilities
is not aligned with how we understand marriage
to be. Right?
And and that, in my opinion, actually goes
against the best interest of the woman
more than it goes against the best interest
of the man.
Even though
the compensation may the the wealth compensation
may work out and all and I talk
about that, by the way, in-depth. At the
end of the Surah, this you consider this
whole these next 4 weeks to be a,
yeah, any a very,
probably be 4 more than 4 weeks. But
in the next couple of so we end
the Surah, it's a it's a crash course
on issues of marriage from a perspective and
also a little bit on the ethical perspective.
So you may find some benefit from this.
Whether you are looking to get married or
you're already married for a long time,
it's all the same.
Because the responsibilities
in marriage
here
are like the
compensation of the wealth. 5050. 50 everything's 5050.
That's not how it is in the household
of a Muslim Muslim household. The man carries
more responsibilities
when it comes to the financial well-being, when
it comes to the social well-being, when it
comes to the protection. Like, the man has
more responsibility he has to carry, and he's
held to a standard of of of of
of protection
and care that he's responsible for. And if
that existed,
then a lot of the marriages that are
occurring a lot of the divorces that are
occurring could be prevented
at before it actually occurred
by the judges, by Muslim judges, by addressing
the man's problems.
You men are held to social
norms more than than anything.
Like as a man, I am held to
the norms that my father and uncles and
the elders of my community expect me to
be held to. And that is important. That's
an important insurance policy
for for the woman. If I'm not held
to that, if I don't have elders,
then the woman is actually in in danger.
Right? She needs a lot more protection. If
I have no one
the reason that when in Islamic marriages you
have the the the man bring his family,
there's a jaha. You know? The jaha
is basically is saying that see this guy
here? All of these people,
they will slap him around if he doesn't
behave. Right? So don't worry. If he doesn't
behave, all these men here will take care
of it. He cannot overrule these men.
He's a or his father and his uncle.
And the point of the in the marriage
for the woman, the same thing. She doesn't
need a jaha. She just needs one person
to say, yeah, I raised I she'll she'll
behave. So because when you're coming into a
marriage, we're hoping
the other party behaves, like behaves appropriately.
Both parties are. Like, as a woman walking
into a marriage, she's she's worried. Her worries
are a little bit more than a man
than a than a man's are, but they're
equally worried that the other person are they
gonna behave appropriately? Are they gonna be respectful?
Are they gonna be kind? Are they gonna
be loyal? Are they going to yeah. I
take my
prioritize my best interest? Are they going to
be faithful? Are they gonna be loving? Are
they gonna be kind? Like, these questions are
because we don't know. Everyone puts on their
best face when you're, you know, trying to
prepare yourself for something. But then later on,
who how are they gonna behave? So that's
the point of all of this. So that
we have that it's a structure
that ensures that people are are are protected.
So when Allah
he is explaining that this has to be
regulated by a lead by some form of
leadership so that everyone gets in line. So
when we actually people are coming from divorce,
well, this is the story and we say,
no. No. This is on you. Smarten up
and start behaving appropriately.
Right?
Or will or the divorce, if it does
happen, goes against your best interest. Like, we
you lose a lot. You lose you lose
in terms of your reputation. You lose like,
if you're someone who is not appropriate, then
you're gonna be held accountable for that Based
on the Muslim the Muslim custom, the Muslim
understanding
of of responsibility.
The distribution of responsibility with within within the,
the union,
which is not the same.
Some people feel like it's more the you
know, the woman does more within this Muslim
marriage. I I I don't think that's the
case. I think it happens, but I don't
think it's it's Islamic, Danny.
There's a difference between the norm or the
culture of an Arab
or, Pakistani or Indian or, marriage versus an
Islamic one. Right? When we talk Islam, we
talk about the rules of Islam. No. I
I think I think a woman's better off
in Islamic court than she is in a
in regular court.
Even when it comes to compensation at the
end of the marriage for if we do
it right. But there's a lot of aspects
of marriage that aren't happening right. They're actually
not occurring appropriately, which is causing,
again, an imbalance.
In a marriage, if one person feels that
it's not fair to them, they will slowly
become disgruntled.
Like, they will slowly become resentful
if they feel like it's not fair. Even
if the imbalance is very very slight.
Even if it's very even if it's a
small,
you know, tipping of the scale
against their best and they feel like they're
doing way more. They don't feel that the
other person is actually carrying their weight. You
see a marriage that works, for example, I'll
just give you an an idea. Is a
woman who feels that her husband she's very
appreciative of him. She feels like he works
really hard, he he deserves the rest that
he gets. And the husband feels like she's
doing an amazing job in the house, without
her my life would be nothing. Those people
stay married. Those are like older generation marriages
where the the Hajj and the Hajj, they
see each other to be they're the pillars
of each other's lives. He
he worked all day long without him. And
he feels like she took she took care
she was everything. That is what because
both of them feel that the other person
is is carrying their weight. It's when one
of them feels that the other person is
not carrying their weight,
not doing enough. Now
sometimes it's because it's unfair and sometimes it's
because of delusional
expectations from the person.
Right? Sometimes when we don't when the person
is walking into a marriage expecting something that's
not going to happen. Expecting it was the
disease at the beginning,
which we have to talk about it before
marriage. We do it. We have to make
sure that the younger men and women understand
what it means to be married. What you're
what you're expected to do. What you're supposed
to how
psychologically you should be seeing the other person,
what you should be expecting from them, and
what you're expecting from yourself in the in
in the midst of all of this. And
once that's clear, it's much easier. Marriage actually,
you know, lasts for a for, you know,
for a lifetime. People stay married for for
the majority of their lives.
So here, that that was the piece which
is the regulation.
If you're going to perform divorce towards your
wife.
They perform the divorce
is the period of time that is required
for the for a for a lady. Not
just the time amount of time that she
deserves
after the after the divorce happens where she,
many where where she is supported, but also
the the is for it to happen at
the right time as well. It's not appropriate
for a man to perform divorce with his
wife
when she is in her menstrual
on her menstrual period.
That's a talaq.
It it occurs, but it's haram to do
so. He should not be doing it.
He had that means
he performs a divorce
during a time where she is taught him,
she's not in her in her period,
where they did not have relations.
If they had relations, then he's he's not
he can't have a divorce then. So if
if this is a period where she is,
pure, she's not menstruating and they have relations,
he can't divorce her now. He has to
wait until that period over, she goes through
a menstruation cycle. And then after that,
within the period of purity, without relations, he
he can he can initiate a divorce. So
that's the And that is to ensure
that this happens at the right time. It
gives it pushes people to have the proper
time. Because most of the time when you're
thinking of divorce,
it's a period either way she's if she's
menstruating then you can't do it, or it's
a period of purity, and you've already had
relationships within this period. It's a 21 day
cycle at some point, you you slept together
and then it's not appropriate. So this forces
the man and the woman to, to wait
for an extra at least, yeah, any 10
to 15 days before they do this, which
allow them to calm down.
And for it to be fair
and and to allow for it to be,
fair. Meaning, happening at a time where where
he's not because if he during during the
menstrual period is a point where she is
struck it's hard on a woman emotionally. So
to add to that is not fair, so
he shouldn't do it. And for it to
happen during a period where they actually had
relations, makes her feel used that he took
what he wanted.
So that's not appropriate either. So it has
to be a time where she's pure, she's
not struggling, and they didn't have they didn't
have relations.
So and and that allows first of all
for for it to be fair to the
woman and gives them time to actually think
about this was done appropriately.
And may the be calculated appropriately. Meaning, this
is not something that is approximate, it should
be calculated appropriately.
Once once the divorce happens, it's 3
or 3.
There's going to be 3 cycles.
Whether 3 cycles
of administration, whether wherever she has it, yeah,
you count 3 3 cycle, it has to
be done appropriately.
And now count number 1.
You can make a mental note of that.
The first time you'll hear the concept of
taqwa in the Surah. The first time. You're
gonna count with me how many times this
concept comes up in Surah
Talaq. For a number of reasons for a
number of reasons that I will I will
talk to you about in-depth
once we hit the once we hit the
verse that is a little bit more focused
on taqwa. I'll talk about it a little
bit more. Be
mindful and be pious of your lord.
Be mindful of your lord. Be pious when
this is happening.
He used both his names. He used the
name of Jalal and the name of Jamal.
So, what the Allah,
that's the that's his as his official name
the name of Jalal, the name of of
man
of magnification, of of magnificence
and strength.
Your lord as in, the one your caregiver.
So it's a name of of beauty and
closeness. So use both names. 1 to bring
fear and one to bring compassion. 1 to
remind you that you need to be,
follow it follow it or else. The other
one is to follow it is better. You're
better off when you do
First time. It's right at the beginning of
the Surah. So the first command right immediately
after
when this happens.
So
the
the here is a very heavy,
it's a thick heavy, surah.
The majority of the that I'm gonna share
with you
are going to be the majority of opinion
or the I'm gonna share with you forgive
me. I'm going to be the majority opinions
within the schools of jurisprudence. I'm not going
to use one
school, specifically to to go through the rulings.
I'll give you what the majority opinions are
within the schools are. And I'll point out
some opinions I think are more valid than
others,
and in in just for your understanding. So
if you study
a method hub, you may find some of
the opinions I offer you are a little
bit different because I may not I'm not
going by by. It's gonna be take this
surah will take forever. So I'll just I'll
clump up the opinions and give you the
majority ones and the ones I think are
more valid, especially today.
So do not remove
them do not remove them
from their homes.
They should not remove themselves or they not
leave themselves.
As in not that they can't walk out
of their homes, but they shouldn't leave the
home. That mean no longer reside there.
And accept if they are if they are
to commit a clear faisha. For example,
the divorce occurs, the woman when the when
the divorce occurs, she stays
throughout the period of her divorce for the
idda, for those
3 cycles. She stays at the house she
was living in. The house that the man
had her living in and he leaves.
So he gets out, not her. He leaves
for the for the majority of those for
the for the the the, duration of those
3 cycles because.
And if that house is rented, then he
needs to pay rent for those 3 months
for her to stay within it if if
if it's a rental. If it's a killer,
then he has to actually pay for it.
And she stays
there. He is not allowed to remove her
from that home.
No one can remove her from that house.
And she should not, Islamically, remove herself as
in not reside then go live somewhere else.
She should stay in that house.
There are reasons for this Islamically.
There are reasons for this to happen.
Number 1, it forces the man to think
a little bit longer
because when a man loses home, loses house,
loses what he has, when he's kicked out
of his house, he can't be there for
3 months, he becomes much more appreciative of
what he had. Like, it's easier. It's hard
to be appreciative of something if it's still
there. You become appreciative of it when it's
taken away. So get out of the house
because what you had was that. You had,
someone who made a house a home, and
now you don't get that anymore. So he
had to go sleep at his parents or
with a friend or find a hotel. So
he's not there anymore so he's losing that
peace and that will make him think because
the edda not only is it a time
for her to
grieve, a time for her to mourn, a
time for her to revise herself and to
biologically be cleansed of of of the marriage
itself, but also it gives her some reflection.
It gives her some time to reflect on
what was.
To process the fact that this is going
to end. So it's easier transition later. So
it's not something Because when you rip yourself
out of a situation,
you don't give yourself enough time to actually
process what just happened and there's no closure,
then this will continue to gnaw at you
for the rest of your life. It will
continue to make your life difficult forever.
People want to get the woman wants to
get out of that house mentally,
not because
because she wants to run away from something.
Usually, the stuff you want to run away
from, you shouldn't.
Usually, the stuff that you are you want
to run away from, you shouldn't.
You really should stay right there and deal
with whatever it is you're trying to run
away from. It's best for you. Like, it's
better this is better for the person on
a psychological
and mental level. This that's why she stays
in that home. He gets out so he
can see what he lost. So he can
actually assess. Because the goal of the ed
as well is to give them time to
revise themselves.
The review to maybe
not go through with this. At the end
of the end, they have to go through
with you have to make a choice. But
this gives them some time to think things
through, to make a decision on what they
want to do.
And this setup
allows them both to process things appropriately.
He being stuck out of his home, processes
what he lost, and she being there, deals
with everything that she was she deals with
all the demons that she wants to run
away from. She has to be stuck then
to deal with it and makes her decision.
And that's the healthiest thing. So so this
concept of the of the getting divorced and
she going to her,
right, this,
This is actually not Islamic at all.
No.
You go to your family.
You want to divorce her? You get out.
And she doesn't leave, she she stays. You
leave in order for this to happen appropriately.
Because the point here is for us to
try and hold on to these unions,
give people time to reflect, and at at
the end, they're both like, nope. After 3
cycles of 3 cycles, 3 months we've reflected.
He's happier that he's not at the house.
She can't wait to get out. They're charas.
They're both after that period of time then
they must
this is not going to work anymore. But
that time is to give them to give
them a little bit of of,
of a period to to reflect.
Unless, of course, she prevents
the lady is committing zina in the house
ongoingly during the divorce then obviously then he
could. So
when there when there's when there's actual harm
happening, like, when she's staying in the house
because she's doing something then then then that
breaks this law. But aside from that, which
is very rare, obviously. But aside from that,
then that's the role. That's the rule. He
performs his salah. It has to be during
a
a time where she's pure with no relations
happening, prior. And then he leaves the house
and she stays there and no and she
should not reside somewhere else. She should reside
there. Obviously, she can go out to buy
food. She can go out but she has
she's living in that home
or in that house.
But why?
And those are the boundaries of Allah.
Those are the boundaries of Allah Subhawna Wa
Ta'la. So the rest of the Surah are
the boundaries, but he's giving us this
flash example a quick example within the first
verse of what the surah's tone is going
to look like, what the surah is going
to be explaining to us. He's going to
be giving us these these rulings, explaining to
us what we do, what we don't do,
what we can't, what we can't do, and
how to follow and what to follow. And
and when we he explains them to us,
these are the boundaries of Allah
You can see that the the the the
verses
are directed towards the men.
You're only allowed to give at a at
a specific time.
You have to make sure that her time
is respected, and you cannot remove her from
her home. Right? Because men did this all
the time. Before it's done, that was their
norm.
Happened anytime for any reason. There was no
and she got and she she could be
easily thrown out of the home
with nowhere to go.
Especially if someone married a lady and then
you went and lived somewhere else and now
and she's stranded from her family and now
and she ends up
trying to find her way back. These 3
months would give them time to figure out
how where she's gonna go and how she
where she want to live and to reconnect
with her family and figure out her next
her next steps.
That's why the verse is
these are the
you need to have piety and to have
mindfulness. And the second one was these are
their boundaries of
Allah.
And the one who oversteps
the boundaries of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
And indeed that person has oppressed themselves.
Meaning, they have
committed an active oppression against themselves, and they're
going to carry the responsibility of that.
This is a threat.
This is a direct threat to anyone who
decides that the boundary of Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala is not worthy of observation.
Not going to observe the boundary that Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala put there in terms of
the rulings. It goes through what he explained
here and what the Surah is going to
continue to explain as we move along.
He says,
is it is it is it this became
a proverb? Like this this piece of the
verse became a proverb that
You don't know. Maybe Allah
after all that all the problems that happened
within this time,
He will he will bring your is to
bring forward something new. Umrah,
a a a situation,
something. And you don't know, maybe within this
time Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala brings forward something
new, something different.
Meaning, they find they they go back. They
they they revise themselves. They they change their
their decision, they come to a conclusion, they
figure something out for themselves, and it doesn't
have to end this way. It doesn't have
to end in this negative way.
And this goes for a lot of things
in life.
You follow the ruling of Allah
because you don't know.
Maybe Allah
has something
has prepared something for you that you you're
not aware of. And maybe he hasn't. But
you follow those
those rules. Now what happens just to make
sure that you understand the
because we're gonna read the verse after, and
it's going to have this meaning in it.
So what happens once,
once the is over? Once the ends?
So once the ends,
the decision has to be made whether they
continue their marriage
or the divorce
actually occurs. Right? So what is the if
they decide the divorce occurs,
then they can't be together again
unless they remarry. Like, they have to go
back and have a new aqad, a new
and a new the whole the whole thing
has to happen all over again with the
and everything. That is if they only got
divorced once or twice.
If this is the 3rd time,
then that's it.
It's a
and they'll never go back together unless she
goes and gets married and then they want
to get married after. And she divorces again
or the guy dies and then she wants
to marry again. Meaning, they have to go
live life
separate from each other for a while, and
then they come back and they're unite reunited
some by some then they can do that
again. But after the 3rd time, khalas, they
don't do it again. But
before the edda ends,
they don't need a new
They can just reunite.
They can just you can just take back
what he the the
the the the the and
they can reunite.
Now, within this and forgive me if I'm
I'm I'm going on some, tangents here and
there. I wanna make sure that you you
you comprehend all of the details of marriage.
Islamic marriage
has a concept in it that is called
the isma. Doesn't exist in in the civil
marriage, in this country or any other country.
An Usma means someone
has control
over the existence of this marriage in that
marriage. The majority of time is the man
who has the Usma. The woman can have
the as well. If they agree on that,
it can go to the woman. But the
default is that the is in the hand
of the man. So So for example, what
I mean by that is that if a
woman a man and a woman are married
and the is the hand of the man,
if the woman stands there and says
a 1000000 times, it means nothing. It doesn't
it doesn't the divorce doesn't happen. But if
he does it, the divorce occurs. If the,
the control that becomes in her hand, then
he can say
a 1000000 times, it means nothing. She is
the one who can say and then it
get and the divorce actually occurs.
So the Islam, the concept, it puts the
responsibility of the marriage in the hand of
the man. Like I said, the responsibility
of the marriage heavily falls on the man,
which is why a civil court, an Islamic
civil court, is in the best interest of
a Muslim woman because it holds responsible the
man, because he's responsible for this marriage. If
it doesn't work, it's on him. If it
if it's not functioning, he's responsible for this
because he he initiated it. He carries the
he had to make it work.
Honestly, the questions
that a man is asked of why he's
divorcing his wife are very few.
Very few things.
Did she cheat? No.
Then what's your what's your problem?
Yeah. Honestly, this is as maybe maybe is
is she Muslim? Yes. I remember I attended
this. I was sitting with my once
and an older student came as I was
doing my expectation. He interrupted us and he
was talking to the sheikh and he was
complaining about how miserable he was in his
marriage. He just complained to the sheikh. The
sheikh said,
So he kicked him with his foot and
he said, go then.
Go and then and persevere with the person
who tells
Maybe, if you change this, she'll bring you
someone who will make you stop saying
altogether, and he kicked him out. Now I
don't know if that's an appropriate way of
dealing with that. I was I was 14
at the time he did this, but it
really it made me it made me really
think about this whole concept of of of
the responsibility.
So the is a part within is a
concept within Islam.
On the marriage contract,
the can be given to the woman. No
problem. This is this is very this is
it's very possible.
But the has to exist.
The Usma in Islam has to you can't
say, well, I want to marriage this marriage
Islamic marriage with no Usma. No. No. Someone
has to have the Usma. That's how this
works in Islam. Someone has to be responsible
for this ship. Someone has to be taking
responsibility of this boat. We're both co pilots
but one of us is a pilot. Right?
It has to be acceptable. And this is
an important concept within marriage. The majority of
the time is a man. It can't be
woman. I know men who should not have
the uzman.
I know men who should not have the
uzman. They don't can't control themselves. They are
temper based and they'll say a lot of
up and down, but they they should they
should be their asma should be removed on
their hands. And I've and I've attended a
session where sheikh has removed it, where sheikh
brought the person, said your the asma is
now in your hands. She she controls. You
can say
as much as you like from now on.
Say it's it doesn't mean anything because you
don't control this anymore. And if you get
upset, no one's listening to you because it
it means nothing because she's the one who's
control in control of it. But the majority
of the time is the man who has
this. So that's it under this this understanding.
So at the end of the edda, when
she's done her 3 cycles, you know, if
they have to make a decision, either the
divorce occurs and now after this, either they
can't marry again because it's the 3rd time
or they can go back and remarry later
on, but they have a full new contract
and do a Khilba, go knock on the
door, ask for her hand from her willy,
they have to write the everything has to
happen as if it never happened before, or
they decide to go back and reunite again.
Right? At the end of the idea. So
it gives them a little bit of a
grace period to revise themselves and make sure
that this is the right decision, especially when
there are children involved. Alright. Let's let's continue.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. I want to come.
Mhmm.
Oh, yeah. Once you when the divorce is
and the she's on a edda,
and we'll talk about, like, what what dictates
a divorce in a moment. Like, I'll I'll
explain what I mean. I'll explain I'll explain
the concept, that I that I the opinion
that I think is is is reasonable to
follow these days
because of lack of,
of maturity. I'll say I'll just put it
that way. There's lack of maturity so I
I'll tell you what I think is reasonable
in terms of, what what will will what
dictates
a. Yeah.
Is control. It is a it's a control
of the of the of the status of
the marriage, whether it's going to continue or
not. So that's what means.
That's not what it means linguistically, that's what
it means, fakih and from a fakih perspective.
The linguistics, I don't I'm not gonna, yeah,
bother with that. Alright. Let's let's do do
you have time?
So we'll read item number 2 and I'll
I'll explain a little bit of it and
then we'll continue the explanation of it next
week.
So I'm not gonna explain all of these,
but we recite to them so that next
time I can just continue. I'll I'll go
through the piece and then the beautiful verse
beautiful pieces of these verses that are very
spiritual and rightfully so in the midst of
the surah. We'll we'll talk about in some
degree of depth
next
week.
And if they and if or when they,
arrive
when they arrive at something or achieve something,
meaning the end of the time which is
the the end of that period that they
are,
they're granted once the divorce happens, the 3
cycles, once they when when when they arrive
at the end of that time, one of
2 things is going to happen.
You hold on to this marriage,
you do it with the intention
and the of of
with and the method of maruf. Maruf means
with with with good character,
with good intention,
with love,
with kindness,
with appropriateness. That's what means.
The word is so versatile in the Arabic
language. It's so hard to explain it. What
it really means in Arabic is that which
is known.
Yeah. Alif knows something. Something that is known.
So the concept of it is is
assumed or understood through concepts,
through context. Meaning,
meaning known to be good.
Something that is known or identified by the
community as good. It is seen as good.
Because there are so many things that differ
from one culture to the other. There are
so
that that that are contextual and and tradition
based. So
are things that the society have agreed that
these are good things.
And
the same thing. Things that the society say
that's not good. That's why you have an
These
are social concepts. You command that which people
have agreed is good
and you discourage things that people agree is
not good.
As long as they are in align aligned
with Islamic values, as long as they're not
going against halal harang,
which is understood.
So
you hold on to that Mary, you hold
on to her as your wife,
You do it with what is known to
be good character or good behavior, good intention
socially.
You don't do it with spite. You don't
do it to prove something. You don't do
it against your will. You don't do it
and you're walking in with bad intention and
bad and you're disgruntled. No. You do it
with Maruf. You have to do it with
what is seen to be something that is
good.
That has good character attached to it or
has piety or kindness or tenderness attached to
it. Oh, and if you're not gonna do
that,
then you part ways
is when people part ways.
You part ways.
Also also
with Maruf.
Either you hold on to this marriage with
Maruf
or you let go with
You let go of it with excellence.
You part ways with or you let go
with excellence. A it's an interesting topic, but
it'll take forever, and I'm not gonna but
I just need you to base understand the
basics so that we don't
spend too much time in this Surah. Oh,
so you part ways with. Meaning, whatever you
do, do it with.
Do it with a certain degree of of
piety,
of respect,
of good intentions, of good ethics, good behaviors,
whatever you do. Whether it's going to be
that we continue this, we're gonna continue this
in a good way. I'm not gonna hold
on to this marriage, but now I don't
respect this person. I think less of them.
I don't
no. That that's not worth doing.
Or we part ways because we came together,
didn't work out. We're gonna part ways now.
As we entered in, we'll leave with. We
entered with love. We'll leave with love. We
entered with kindness. We'll leave with kindness. We
entered with respect. We'll leave with respect. We'll
part ways respectfully just like we
entered.
Now that piece is not happening. It's not
happening ever. It's not happening at all. Like
almost like it's happening 0
times.
0 percent is very rare for there to
be a percentage that is so
bad. Like, usually we have problems with achieving
certain percentages with following the teachings of Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. But this one here,
this stands alone
in how low the percentages of actually doing
it.
When you end a marriage, you end it
with maruf. It's happening like 2% of the
time. Like, so rarely is 2 peep are
2 people mature enough? Are 2 family mature
enough to sit down? This is not working.
We are hurting each other. We've tried. It's
not getting any better. Maybe it's time for
us to go our part in separate ways.
In a way that's respectful. Where the the
children are not harmed by the divorce itself.
The children are harmed by what the parents
say about each other and do to each
other and to themselves.
That's what harms the kid. The kid
is not harmed by suddenly
the father living in a different home.
That that can happen. Right? As long as
the mother continues to speak of him respectfully
and he speaks of his wife, his his
ex wife respectfully. The kid won't even notice
this. Just like if you have a husband
who travels a lot. Like, the kids can
grow up normally. It's the ongoing.
Any back stabbing, conniving,
disrespect,
cursing, using words that you shouldn't that kids
don't know how to deal with that. Have
you ever watched a 3 year old behave
if you are if 2 people yell that
they if if if if if a 3
year old is sitting in a room where
2 people they love are fighting, you'll see
what they do. They start breaking stuff. They
start kicking things around. They start because they
don't know how to deal with that degree
of stress.
Like, in my house, I can't chastise my
eldest son with my youngest son in the
room.
Again, I can't sit and and and
and and discipline my eldest son and talk
with my youngest because my youngest doesn't know
how to behave. He starts breaking because we
have to remove him. I'm somewhere else happy
so I can talk to the old because
he doesn't know he don't know how to
deal with stress. Kids don't know how to
deal with that. Now if you are and
that's not even directed towards him. Now if
if if what they're and and it's it's
just a sibling. If his mother or father
are are being abused
or they are abusing one another, yelling and
screaming and using language and maybe physicality
in front of them, that is what's harming
the kid. The divorce itself is not that
harmful. The divorce itself, it happens with is
actually fine. It actually teaches them something good
in their lives if it if it if
it needs to happen. It's the ongoing
abuse
and disrespect and and chaos that occurs that
makes the child very difficult. That's why sometimes
children of proper divorces grow up better than
children of of bad marriages do.
Like, if a child is stuck in a
marriage that is very negative, where the mother
and father continuously abuse each other,
but another group, they they they divorce appropriately,
Bilma'aruf,
then this child will grow up with less
psychological,
trauma than than this one and and scars
than this one will. So it's not just
the divorce that ruins things, it's when it's
done against
or
it it it does not happen according to
the teachings of Islamic law. That's when it
becomes a real problem. So
oh, yeah.
Either hold on to it or let it
go. It has to be with Maruf.
And then this
is a good 15 minute discussion on that
one so I'll leave it inshallah for for
next week. This is a very thick heavy,
surah. It's very thick heavy similar to like
a Surah
a lot of so it takes a while
for me to go through all of these
concepts but,
and you'll hopefully, you'll find it beneficial.