Adnan Rajeh – Contemporary Issues Principles of Gender Relationships -2- The Rule of 5Ps.

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			ham Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah
		

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			My intention today was actually to tackle a third contemporary issue within the series that I
decided I chose for the summers for the summer. But I'm going to make this part to to the principles
of gender relationships as I feel like after last time I gave in to centers I got enough questions
regarding certain details that I thought it would be beneficial to share a few more concepts or
aspects regarding these gender relationship principles, and inshallah over the summer, we're going
to try and have this hooked up outside. So every week you'll come you'll find it set up you'll find
the podium, I may do it outside if the humidity is acceptable, and I may not depending on how hot it
		

			is and whether I want people to be taken to the emergency department at some point or not.
		

			Last week I shared with you the seven categories of
		

			the seven categories dictate the principles of gender relationships, I went through all seven for
you and I talked a little bit about what Islam points out to be the parameters and limitations of
these relationships. These relationships are not unacceptable. They just require a certain degree of
attention from everyone involved. The ISO to know is a is a cardinal verse in the Quran, that tells
you how you're supposed to actually carry yourself when it comes to these relationships. Well, your
staff if Alladhina Yoji Duna Nika if you are not pursuing marriage within a relationship, and that's
not the basis of it, you're not actually looking to get married, then it's going to be based on EFA.
		

			Meaning the relationships is going to be baited rooted in the concept of EFA. The concept of F is a
very central Islamic idea. Unfortunately, this this idea
		

			Em, er, this Islamic principle has taken many blows over the last number of decades to the point
where it's not really mentioned that much in literature on monobrand, or even in day to day dialogue
just not talked about as much it's kind of put put was put to the side, even though our if is what
dictates the nature of the relationship between man and woman, if we're not pursuing marriage,
meaning when you
		

			if a man is looking at a woman, then the question is, are you pursuing marriage? Are you looking to
get a new guy? Is that what you're looking for? No, then it's going to be based on EFA. And when I
say no meaning either you are already married, for example, living in this country, then that's as
far as it goes for you or you're too young, or you have no wealth, or this matchup would never work,
it would never work for you would never work for the other, for the for the other side, or one of
the two sides has already made it clear that they are not interested. So Allah subhanaw taala says,
well, your staff if meaning you will live a life of ephah of chastity.
		

			But you only a Hula, hula me and fugly until Allah subhanaw taala grants you a way to pursue to
pursue marriage.
		

			He says Subhana wa Bacara will Akela to a to Hoonah save one into puluh colon meroofer. So the Quran
even points out that if there's going to be some private dialogue between a man and a woman, even if
the goal is to pursue marriage, then it has to be Poland meroofer. It has to be dialogue. That is
something that you could say publicly and not be ashamed of something that's based on hire based on
respect that has enough integrity in it that if it were to be shared publicly, you would not be
embarrassed of what's being shared. So even when you're pursuing marriage, and you're going to speak
to someone about the intention of marriage and privately, then what you're saying has to be told and
		

			moreover, even then, so when when is it that we can you know, break those rules? Yeah, it's when
we'll talk about that in the coming called both when you're married, when most people for some,
some, for some reason, decide that they don't want to do it anymore, but that's when you're supposed
to be doing it. outside of marriage. No, it's going to be based on effort. I'm going to share with
you two stories from the Prophet how to use auto son's life. The first stories in the collection are
the man Muhammad and as an authentic shared narration.
		

			And the story is happened during the homily with food during the year, nine and 10 of his his
Eulalia saw to someone a lot of people came to allowance there Islam in front of him Allah has
sought to ascertain so a group of people came from one of the tribes and on wisdom was a teenager, a
young boy. And this young man did not really want to come like he was sent his father sent him he
came with an uncle or came with a relative. He didn't really care for this. He was just there with
the group. So they arrived at night in the valley of Southwest and I had already closed for business
for the day and gone to sleep. So they needed to find a place to sleep. So they did they were
		

			offered a place to sleep they did. This young man didn't go to sleep as many of our younger brothers
don't. And he decided to wander the city of the streets of Medina. So he's walking around the
streets of Medina and a young girl is out of her house, she's carrying a bucket of water or milk or
something. And she's wearing a barrier that's long and a piece of it is kind of trailing behind her.
So he's standing on the road and he goes and he tugs on that little piece of ABA that's that's
dragging behind her so she runs home. And that was the end of the story. The next morning to go to
the prophets of Allah honey Salam as a group to perform their via and debate it basically declaring
		

			Islam yellow Salah by Africa I actually heard that the elder in Allah when no Muhammad Rasulullah
while in Australia called a Muslim Allah jihadi visa vie, Allah, Allah Azza to Allah, you perform
your bag, you offer him it and slaughter saying your pledge that you've you're going to follow him
to the end of your life. And they are standing in line one by one performing thereby to the Prophet
alayhi salatu salam, he's standing there shaking their hands. And this young man is standing in line
waiting for his very history and he comes up, he puts his hand out the Prophet alayhi salatu salam
pulls back his hand and there's a complete silence. That's a big deal even before before Islam, if
		

			you came and he put your hand out to someone, they pulled it back, that was culturally a big
problem. There's usually this is usually the beginning of a war. That's usually how they this is how
many wars began is when someone refuses to greet the person who's reading them. So this young
gentleman is putting his hand out and the provider is looking pulls his hand back. It was a wake up
call. The guy woke up. It's like, oh my God, what's happening? Why he's dead. Everyone's staring at
him the Prophet It is sometimes holding his hand back, he turns away, and he says I lost a Sahiba
job either. Aren't you the guy who did the tugging yesterday? And the kid stands there. So Allah
		

			Harding Samuel Salam
		

			he doesn't know what to say. So he says nothing but colossal Elijah and Wallahi little by your Oka I
will never put my hand in yours. And he walks away the kid panics. This is a mostly but he didn't
really care for this to begin with. But no, he understand. This is unbelievable. All he could think
of is in the auto suit. Hola. Hola. Hola. Oh, do na habita Oh Prophet Allah. I will never do it
again. That's all you can think of. I would never do it again. So the Prophet Allah your thoughts on
turns back to him, by the way that I will do, but they'll never do it again. For Kelowna and never
again forgot you think about you know, some hola hola. CIBJO Salam
		

			in St. Muslim, the Prophet alayhi salatu salam was on his camel during the Hajj 100,000
		

			People are there's very busy yesterday, it's a few million. But the facilities today have been
structured in a way where it can put up with that number. But before at the beginning, if you go
back to how it was maybe even in the 1950s 100,000 people, it's very busy. So probably you saw two
assignments there on his camera lens, his final hedge people from all over Arabia had come to follow
him. And obviously he's receiving a lot of questions all throughout college. Whenever he was going
somewhere, he had some a younger person with them. And that's how we know a lot of what happened
because those young people memorized and they told us because all throughout college he used to be
		

			an artist to be a little tomato da or bake Allahumma Lubbock Tobia. So sitting behind him is his
cousin, Fidel Abbas, even Abdullah McCollum, he's sitting right behind him. He's a young guy in his
late teens, early 20s. So the private audience also is doing is to speak until the young and young
lady, a young lady come and during heist they don't cover their faces. So the she comes up to him
and he starts asking him questions. So Allah, Allah lets us tell him which is very appropriate.
Obviously, she asked questions. So she saw somebody come to us looking at her asking, she's asking,
asking the question, he's listening to her. The photo is behind him, and he's staring right at her
		

			the whole time he just staring at this girl. She's a young attractive girl, he's staring at her
face. The probability is taught to us that I'm as she's speaking and he's answering, he would put
his hand behind him like this, take him followed by the head and turn his head towards himself. You
will turn the public's head to himself and they will look at him and smile out of your sight to
listen and they probably won't understand exactly what is meant and he would you would stop who's
watching this his father and I busted on him so he came to the Prophet said Yeah, but there's a long
Hadith and Muslim I'm just taking this little piece of it took Allah Ya rasool Allah Lima la vita Oh
		

			no, Ebony I'm MC Why did you twist the head of your of your cousin Faqad Astana Listen, let me shut
up and wash up Liam. Money che Aparna ie Hema a young man and a woman I cannot you can never be too
careful with what shaytaan is is doing with what shaytaan is planning for them. So I wanted to kind
of teach him some Allah Allah slight boost, I didn't yell at him didn't chastise him. Just a small
little gesture, he understood the idea I shouldn't be doing that.
		

			What I'm going to share with you today is something called the five p rule or the rule of five Ps.
And I used to, I used to share this with high school students. But honestly, I don't think it's just
for them. I think it's for everyone. I think there's a rule that applies to everyone. Even if you're
older. Even if you're in your 40s or 50s. And you're married, you have kids. Honestly, if you don't
follow these rules, you will walk down a path at some point that will harm yourself or your hopes up
your harms you will harm someone else. Because the nature of the relationship between a man and
woman is something that is actually quite serious. It's like important, it affects people a lot.
		

			It's very important that we take some time to think about, and I'm going to give a long talk and a
hobo specifically just on social media. But I want to point it out point, an aspect of social media
right now here within this whole book. You see, the problem with social media is that everything you
put out, listen to me carefully, especially if you're younger. Everything you put out is permanent.
It's permanent. Every text, every message, every picture, everything use POST, every message you
send is permanent. You can never take it back. Even if you deleted and they deleted it's there it is
there is somewhere it can be retrieved at some point it's impossible. It's always it never goes
		

			away. And that's very weird. Because this is something new within my life. I'm not that old. But I
remember a time when the only way you could the only way you could use the internet is to an AOL
ever heard of and you don't even know what AOL is most of us like what is you ever heard that the
sound of the early internet, the extension of that stuff ever heard that before you didn't even grow
with that stuff. I grew up with it. within my lifetime, there's only maybe two decades of me being
actually fully aware and alive. Things have changed drastically. We don't understand the extent of
the effects of social media on us today. We don't fully understand it, it won't be for another
		

			decade, or a decade or two until we understand exactly what it's doing for us. But the fear that I
have for my younger brothers and sisters is that when you're in your teens, you will make mistakes
is unfair for you to make a mistake that will haunt you for the rest of your life. That is not fair
to you. That takes away your humanity from you. You're a human being in your teens, you'll make
you'll say dumb things you'll you'll do stuff that you regret, you'll behave in a way that you don't
want anyone to ever remind you of. I have younger people in my family, all they have to do is just
say a word. And they're like, no, please, I beg you to not say another because they know they know
		

			what I know. And they know what happened. It is not fair. Of course, if you have an older relative
or father, it will be permanent for them. But it's not fair for whatever mistake that you make to be
somewhere where everyone can access at the end of your life. That is not normal. That is not normal.
It's very important. And the biggest problem with social media when it comes to a permanent effect
is going to be some one way or the other regarding relationships regarding cross gender,
relationships and mistakes that can be made. So just be very careful with that as a father and a
mother. We have an attention seeking pandemic forget about COVID attention seeking pandemic people
		

			are deprived from attention so they seek it elsewhere at home. If someone is fulfilled at home, they
don't need to take pictures of every little thing that they do and share it publicly. They're not to
text it to other people. Be careful with what you're told.
		

			are doing on their phone and make sure that you're communicating with them for their own sake, this
for their own sake because they don't realize how permanent these mistakes can be. Plenty of
authority and the own kind of NEA and the HUD data I'm talking about you know what I'm gonna talk to
you today and Manasa can too and Lisa Oh target Hadith anima Tada if you see my desktop there was
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			So what are the what is the five p rule? So five words number one, professionalism? Professionalism
is what's going to dictate the relationship you have with the opposite gender, you stay
professional, you all go to school, or you work you have a workplace, or how do you deal with your
employer, or an employee or a colleague, you deal professionally, you stay within professionalism
and staying within the parameters of the seven categories that I shared with you last week, we
talked about the seven categories that dictate the types of relationships, professionalism is
staying within those within those parameters is staying focused on the task at hand, the reason that
		

			you and I sister are talking is because of 123. We stay within those parameters. Staying
professional, if you're not seeking married and a lot of younger brothers like Well, I'm seeking
marriage. Okay, tell me how old are you? Oh, I'm 19 You're not seeking marriage? Who's going to
offer you anyone in marriage, no one's gonna offer you their girl when you're 19 years old. I'm
sorry, I wish they would. My grandfather got married. He was 13 years old. And my grandmother was
14. Now my great grandfather, my grandfather, they had 10 children, they're very happy. It was a
different time. It was a different culture with a different context. Today 1920 You're not ready
		

			yet. Unless you have extremely wealthy parents who are willing to actually walk you through this,
then you're not ready. So why are you seeking you're not seeking a relationship? Yes, you're going
to see a many girls around you that you actually fancy you like them. They seem like a good fit. But
the question is, Are you seeking marriage? And the same thing for the sister? Are you seeking
marriage? If the answer is no, then you have to follow these five rules. And even when you're
seeking marriage, these five these rules, this rule is still applicable. It's just a matter that now
you're allowed to actually go professionally and look for how to get married. Speak to the father of
		

			the bride speak to your parents speak to a friend start to get get the ball rolling in terms of
figuring out whether this is going to work out or not. But if you're not ready yet, if you're a high
school please don't people come to me all the time their high school high school so I want to get
know your notes. You're not ready. Premier Father, if your father tells me he's ready to get
married, then we'll have a conversation and it says you're not ready yet. Then you need to stay
focused. Once you're ready for marriage, you say I'm ready to get married. I am ready to seek halal
and then we speak to parents and we started the process and you can look for who you like. And even
		

			then, within this process, you need to stay professional. Professionalism is will stay with you the
whole time. Number two, piety, piety have some hope of ALLAH SubhanA wa duckula The whole Bulbasaur
you look away you shy away when something you you shouldn't be staring see when you're speaking and
you're dealing with the opposite gender, your eyes and your mind will wander. It's normal. It's a
regular it's a it's a human aspect of life. You will your eyes will wander and your mind will wander
piety and tequila and fearfulness of Allah subhanaw taala is bringing it all back is bringing it
back. When you feel like Oh my My eyes wandered I'm staring or I'm thinking you bring it back again
		

			and focus that duck was very important. The way I think the best way to describe this for you and an
explanation when you're speaking to the opposite gender, especially if and then again, this whole
schema it works for both men and women.
		

			And but I am talking to my brothers here because that's the experience that I understand. So I can't
act like I understand the experience for my sisters because I That's not me. But I'll explain to you
when you're standing there and speaking to a sister.
		

			Practice the amount of Taqwa that you would want someone to practice when they're speaking to your
sister, your mother or your wife, or your daughter. Think about that way if this person was and
honestly, we shouldn't have to do that. As Muslims, we refuse double standards. It's not okay. I
treat people one way but people have to treat me differently. No, that's okay with me. Mickey is
completely unacceptable this time ugly, but to bring this closer, you can do that you can take him
over there. Well, how would I want them to be treated and then treat them that way. So when your
mind wanders, or your eye wanders, you perform a certain degree of Taqwa or piety. Akula was talking
		

			to Allah who you were looking for still futile. We offer local methods and mustafina store federal
law.
		

			hamdu Lillahi wa sallahu wa salam O Allah Karim Allah may Allah be Abaddon, Ernie, he also had the
human it doesn't matter who.
		

			The third point, the third P in this five P's rule is protective mentality protectiveness. You see,
males, if you've studied biology, to any degree, males, all across the mammal kingdom are sexual
predators. That's how they are. That's how they're put together. There's an aspect of that within
each person. Islam comes and tells you, you have to flip that mentality. When you're dealing with
the opposite gender, you are there to protect, to make sure that they are safe to make sure that
they are not being dealt with in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Or even if they are being
permissive, even if the others, the other group is making a mistake. You refuse to do that. Because
		

			your mentality of protection to make sure that the other group is going to continue to the other
party is safe at all times that protective mentality is very, very powerful and very important in a
lot of Islamic laws. Like when you a lady does traveling, the concept of martyrdom, it comes not
from control, it comes from protection, there's a big difference between the two, there's a big
difference men should understand that you are not put in this position to control when Allah
subhanaw taala asks you to lead and as you take a position of leadership, he's not telling you to
control the pill, he's telling you to protect them. And there's a difference between the two
		

			controllers self serving is very, very satisfying. It's a lot of fun. Protection requires sacrifice,
it requires a certain degree of ethics. It requires a certain degree of self
		

			control, self control that we're
		

			because males would prefer to do the opposite. Males would prefer to look around and be and have
that predatorial mentality. And it's not going to tell us you have to be protective. You're speaking
with her, you're dealing with her you protect her integrity, you protect her reputation, you protect
her by not allowing not just others to make mistakes, but not allowing yourself to make a mistake.
And that's the mentality that we have to carry as men for sure. The point after number five is
partying and when I say partying I'm talking about segregation or separation. When there is no gain
or benefits from mixing we part.
		

			That doesn't mean we have to have two mustards, one for men, one for women, we have one masjid, and
men and women sit but we just have segregated line so we don't stand beside each other in lines. So
Islam came and explained what that's going to look like. It's done now that the prophet is I've
never said you have to one but no, we all do it together, we just within the process of being
together, we show some degree of partying to make it safer to make it easier to make sure everyone's
comfortable and to protect ourselves. Because it's time is very much aware of the psychology of the
human of the human experience.
		

			Partying when there's no gain or benefits from mixing, when they're still out is only going to bring
problems you parked, you segregate. I don't believe that massage, it should be fully segregated. I
don't if I did, we wouldn't have this setting. I don't believe that schools should be girls schools
and boys school because I grew up in places like that it doesn't work. And that's not what he
thought of his thoughts on by the way. That's not what he practiced. He has practiced the idea of
being professional, pious and protective. In a stage where we're together but partying when it's
unnecessary for us to be mixing. There's no necessity in us, for us to stand side by side with
		

			impaired doesn't do anything. It just makes it more difficult and a bit more uncomfortable for
people. So we just make sure the lines the lines are for the men to the lions, for the women. And by
excetera keep on taking take that idea and follow it as far as you like in every aspect of life. And
the five the final, the fifth and final piece, or P is personable, being pleasant and personable.
Nothing that I'm saying here today is trying to tell you to be upset and have your eyebrows like
this and you speak to people in a way that has no and you're you're making no eye contact and you're
being very very rude and dry. No, this is
		

			it
		

			explaining to you how to be professional, how to make sure the person in front of you is protected,
how you show piety and postman Allah subhanaw taala. And how you keep that barrier, keep that
distance, but you're supposed to be personable, you're supposed to be kind and friendly and nice and
compassionate. That is That is who you are as a Muslim. Nothing I'm sitting here today is for you to
be unfriendly with the person that you're speaking to. But you're following those other rules.
		

			And that's what I think we should all do, within. And if we did that, by the way, first of all,
Islamically as when we work, we would achieve more, less time would be wasted. And the less problems
would emerge from men and women working together. A lot of the reasons that projects end up stopping
is because men and women are working together, and then something goes wrong. And everyone hush hush
is it and then they just kill off the project. I can't tell you how many times that has happened
within this community, I can't even begin to tell you as people who work within the institutions,
and they'll tell that happens all the time. And the reason it happens is because we're not following
		

			the rules appropriately. We're not being professional, we're not showing piety, we're not walking in
with the mentality of protecting the person in front of us and we're not being then we're not
partying when we there's no need for mixing.
		

			And that's what I believe we should base our relationships upon. So if you're a young person, and
this specifically for my younger brothers and sisters, more than that, honestly, it's more dangerous
for the older groups not to follow this. But usually you've already been burned a few times. So
you've learned No, no, I have to do this in order to survive. But if you're younger, it's a little
bit different. You are seeking intimacy, you want to connection, you have the right to want that I'm
going to talk about that for you for sure. And I will try my best to help you achieve that in your
life because you deserve it everyone does. But if you're not at the time in your life or the
		

			position in your life, to seek that and pursue it if you can't pursue marriage, you can't pursue
intimacy yet, then follow these rules. Whether you're working in a team, whether you're working with
colleagues, with classmates, whether you are really a leader of a group or you're working under
someone make sure that you can keep these five clear in your mind and practice them on a daily
basis. And when you're ready to get married, that's a different story. And that goes to the girls as
well as the same thing because the moment we don't do that, we open the door that leads to something
that is probably the number one problem I get almost undecided but with that the number one problem
		

			that is shared with me from younger people is that they like someone they've already established
some degree of relationship with them. But now the parents don't aren't okay. And I always tell them
this a rookie move
		

			and that's a naive move. Why would you establish a relationship with someone without going you went
through the wrong door like what till we moved them in Abu Dhabi hmm when you want to do and
establish your relationship you knock on doors you make it clear you make it open
		

			relationships are something has to be something to be celebrated not to be ashamed of when you're
building a relationship you have to keep it private then you should know already that this is not a
good one. You should know just by the virtue just the mere fact that you have to keep this hidden
that this is not a there's not a right a correct one to have
		

			knock that on the door go ahead and ask for things and we'll talk about the initial and the next in
the next few weeks. But if that's not the case, you don't have the means to get married. You're not
ready yet you're too young you're too busy. Then just follow this and keep your head down and move
on. No one is telling you you cannot deal with the opposite gender but you have to be very careful
when you do I hope that was of benefit to you. And inshallah we will be talking more and more about
this topic or topics that are similar as we go along why lemon and Allah Hi I'm Elena the emery now
V min for fun in hola hola. Mala you gotta who use a luna Alain de Yeah, you Hello Xena Amano.
		

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