Abu Taymiyyah – Be My Bae Choosing a Spouse pt 04
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Loss of wealth
that's going to say,
That's very rare on the tongues,
Allah has decreed and He does wherever He
we just move on, as long as we
got
And then the last thing the Prophet Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasall mentioned,
and he gave emphasis to it, just don't
think because he was mentioned last, that's the
last thing you look into He
said,
He gave emphasis on the issue of the
religion
because like I said to you a lot
before,
if the religion is on point,
the day when an argument takes place,
she's going to remember Allah
And don't think I'm trying to tell you
these women that every issue that takes place,
she's going to remember Allah
They get very emotional.
But when they calm down, they remember
of Allah or you tell them Allah said
this and they submit to it. The hudud
of Allah is preserved.
Preserving the limits, the boundaries that was set
by Allah
should play a big role. I always tell
the brothers this, the relationship needs to be
like a triangle,
not the masonic, the triangle with the eyes.
It needs to be like a triangle.
The husband is on one side and the
wife's on the other side, and Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala is at the top. Both of
them are working
in trying to please Allah
An issue pops up, you have problems, an
argument,
You dispute in something, then refer it back
to Allah
Your
whole relationship is built around the ta'a of
Allah
preserving the boundaries of Allah
and you will live a happy marriage.
The Prophet
said to us,
in another hadith,
One of you that should embark upon
and make yourself used to
a
having a heart that constantly thanks
Allah and a tongue that constantly remembers Allah
and then he said,
and getting married to a believing woman
that will aid you with your akhirah.
You haven't woke up today, she says to
you, Muhammad, why are you still sleeping? Why
do you wake up?
She tells you, Muhammad why you not thinking
about Sayamulill?
Allahi, may Allah give every single one of
you a woman like that.
A woman that constantly reminds of Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala's messianessallallahu
alaihi wa sallam. She can pull you up
when something has gone wrong.
And hadith
last hadith I'm gonna mention pertaining this point
is,
the Prophet
he said, a dunya mataa.
This dunya is an enjoyment.
And the best part of this enjoyment
is getting married to a righteous woman, righteous
woman.
That speaks volumes.
A righteous woman.
Then He
said,
when you look at her, she makes you
smile.
You don't walk into the house, you go
there, you look.
Or as soon as you open the door,
you can see her backside.
She's walking away.
And when you command her to do something,
she listens to you straight away, she's obedient.
And when you're absent from her, she preserves
your wealth and she looks after herself as
well. How many women do we find today?
They come out on Facebook.
Sorry, time's up.
It doesn't even let me finish the hadith.
Can I finish the hadith, Willid?
Can I finish the point? Finish your point,
take a few q and a's, and then
you bring the food. Yeah? Few q and
a's, questions and answers. Yeah. No one wants
to answer.
Because, brothers, look, I'm sorry and I'm sorry,
mister dad, but only because
the the chef has said I need space
upstairs. It's quite a lot of food. So
I need to kinda, like, bring the food
bit by bit now. Halal, send in 5
minutes. Yeah. And I don't want to be
coached.
Yeah?
I thought of 5 minutes 5 minutes ago,
so tell him in our family. Tell him
another
Okay. What was that?
The hadith.
What hadith?
When you look at her, she smells. When
you ask her to do something, she's obedient.
And when you're absent from her, she preserves
herself
and looks after herself and also looks after
your money.
How many women are there? You're absent from
her, she's on Facebook.
Today they're on Periscope.
She don't know what Periscope is?
Woman comes out, she's maybe talking to guys
and the husband doesn't know. Or Snapchat, she
sends a picture of her to someone else.
This app
is one of the biggest fitna that has
been invented this time. Where a woman now
can she send her naked body or whatever
to one guy he looks at it and
the body, sorry, the picture goes away.
You need the woman that when you tell
her jump,
she says, how high?
An obedient woman, wallahi, bothers, if you get
that, use what the enjoyment of this dunya.
Do you not get the joke? I don't
think some people get it.
She don't say it's you. Why?
Okay. I'll do it, but how how do
you want me to do it? She's like
she wants to do it straight away.
I understand that you have to choose a
person for the apla, but surely with the
the limitations that it plays with the brothers,
how you stay told?
Okay. Good. Very good.
What you can do, you can ask people.
You can ask people that she knows. You're
probably gonna ask me in a way if
I don't know anyone that. Okay, good.
I'll tell you out of experience.
You need to ask questions when you go
to that meeting.
Forget all these WhatsApp hype asking behind the
screen because a lot of the time, wallahi,
you can't necessarily see the reality.
Speak to face to face, get your questions
ready.
For quite some time I've been willing to
maybe write the questions, and put it on,
you know, put it out for the people.
Very like strange questions that they're gonna think,
what's he talking about? Like, what's he on
about?
Like, in order to test the woman's obedience,
I've got
question
for
you.
To test a woman's obedience.
Are you gonna write this question?
I wanna copy the question, please. Okay. I
might put it on Facebook, inshallah. Just if
you just,
Insha'Allah, I'll get on it now because everyone
is interested in it.
I recently sent it to another brother, one
of our other brothers,
that was looking to get married, but I
never necessarily found the time to actually sit
down.
One of the questions, if you wanna test
the obedience.
You know me personally, I don't see the
niqab to be wiped.
And I never told my wife, never enforced
upon her. Alhamdulillah,
previously
I never asked my
wife to ever wear the niqab.
And as you know, probably aware, this is
a touchy telekhamah.
So tell a woman to wear the niqab
is a big thing. She's gonna
break out. It's a big thing.
Maybe to ask the question, put the to
the side, whether it's
or not, put that to the side.
If I ask you as a husband,
I ask you as a husband, I request
for me because we know it's a big
issue, to wear the niqab.
Would you fulfill my request as a husband?
Some of them, I've seen this back in
the day I was searching and that.
She'll give you a dirty look, no,
who do you think you are?
And she walks out.
I don't even see it to be, I
just want to see how you're gonna react.
You're looking at 2 things, the reaction
and if she's actually willing to go to
the extent of doing what you want.
And some women they wear the niqab,
what I personally did was I asked them,
if I ask you to take off the
niqab
everybody wants their wives to be preserved, they
wear niqab, but you want to test something.
Mostly those women who wear the niqab, they're
proper passionate about it.
They're like something else to them,
means a lot to them,
you know. So maybe to ask them to,
you know, what Yani, you're looking at these
kind of things,
you know? There's a lot of questions I
can't remember at the top of my head
because I'm not searching at the moment.
So you you you got the reaction there.
You got the reaction there. Okay? But
one answer that I heard previously from 1
brother, what the sister said to him was
like, if someone asked me before marriage, I
wouldn't do it.
Someone asked me for my I wouldn't do
it. But if my husband asked me within
my marriage to maybe take you off, you
know, I'd listen to him, I tried to
convince him, you know, maybe to, you know,
but if it was his final decision I'd
do it. But if it was pertaining to
my safety, I would,
you know, I take you off as well,
you know. And some of them will like
genuinely find it very very difficult.
You can kind of see from their face
like I'll do anything for you, she goes,
I would do it but it's hard for
me, you know, you know. So you can
understand from that as well. But if she
starts giving you attitude from the get go,
you got a problem.
Yeah.
Yeah. Because
arguments gonna break, how she gonna react?
The good woman, she'll realize, okay, I made
a mistake, she's gonna come and apologize.
Don't think she's never gonna shout, that's a
perfect woman. A woman that doesn't shout, especially
that time of the month,
she's perfect.
They're gonna
get angry, they're gonna say things, they're gonna
do things, but
now I'm,
they're gonna go through these stages and, you
know, every now and again, but someone that
knows her limit, she comes and apologizes.
You know, sometimes it take a bit time
because we do a lot of things, you
know.
What is hungry?
Just one quick one. Yeah. What your loved
person is to see, for example, like, if
the woman then wants to marry,
Okay. If she says to you, okay, this
one something that I wanted to mention, but
Willy never gave me the chance.
You find that some girls they say, I'm
going to change.
Why Why they change
now? You know, change now, let us see
like, I need to do something about your
character, or I remember