Abu Taymiyyah – Be My Bae Choosing a Spouse pt 03
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of being a woman to love another person, finding a woman who is willing to do anything for her, finding a woman who is willing to do anything for her, even if her parents are not the same, and finding a partner who is not just a man or woman but also is a woman with a certain mentality. They stress the importance of finding a partner who is not just a man or woman but also is a woman with a certain mentality.
AI: Summary ©
As he called it, our brother, Waleed, even
though I don't necessarily
like the title, where's my bay?
B, what's the sound again? Before. No. No.
Before anyone else. Even that. Before anyone else,
you know sharia
is kind of wrong. Because why the Prophet
said,
You you're not a true believer until
you love me more than your children
and
your parents and the people altogether.
So we need to before anyone else is
Allah
and then the messenger salallahu alayhi. And then
comes the wife,
she said,
unless you love her more than anything else.
So going back to what we're speaking about,
it's a big moment of a person's life,
wallahi.
She's going to be the mother of
your children. She's the one that's going to
be nurturing them.
They're going to be under her supervision.
If she is a woman that swears is
going to leave traces on your children,
if she is a woman that keeps going
out,
she likes partying,
your kids are going to follow the exact
same footsteps.
She's your companion.
We've probably had lectures about bad companions time
and time again.
The wife is the biggest companion you're going
to have,
and the closest one.
The man is upon the religion of his
friend, and the closest friend you have is
your wife.
So he needs to be
aware and examine who his friends are.
And the hadith that we heard, the other
hadith that we,
that we hear about when the prophet
said,
I'll just quickly mention in English.
Like the one that sits with good people
is like what?
The perfume seller.
And like the one who sits with black
people is like who? The blacksmith.
What happens to the perfume seller? He either
sells you something
or you're gonna go into his shop you're
gonna come back with traces
of the perfume that
or the bhuhur that was you know left
inside his shop
Or he's gonna give you something for free.
And the blacksmith is either gonna burn you
or you're gonna come out with dust particles
and, you know, very bad smell.
Likewise with the wife.
A lot of guys will lie, I personally
think they're a bit deluded.
He sees this girl, he becomes so deluded
with her
with her looks.
He knows she's bad. She likes the
she has all these bad traits with her
but that which is concentrating on is what?
Her looks.
You know when he says: I'm going to
change her.
A lot of the time you find that
she ends up affecting him and changing him.
And I'll tell you a little story of
Imran Ibn Hatan.
Does anyone here know Imran Ibn Hatan?
Imran Ibn Hatan was someone
who used to take a hadith from Aisha
radiAllahu Anha. And even Arbas and other than
them.
He was a scholar.
Aisha radiAllahu anha used to narrate from Aisha
radiAllahu anha.
So he one time saw a very stunning
beautiful girl.
When he inquired about her,
someone told him she's from the Khawarij.
She is from the Khwareij.
You're an extremist,
the Kharijais as they say in English language.
He goes,
I'm going to get married to her, and
I'm going to end up changing her inshallah.
He gets married to her,
as time goes on, do you know what
he becomes? He becomes from the heads of
the
Love is blind.
That's what Allah can do to a person.
Because he is so in love with a
girl,
he is ready to go,
you know, maybe
to the other side of the world with
her due to what she wants.
We've seen guys, they become so whipped
that they've cut their parents, they've cut their
parents because of that girl.
Recently I was told a story about a
father who went all the way down to
Saudi Arabia,
Saudi Arabia.
The dad doesn't know which way he's going,
he doesn't know, you know, he doesn't know.
Come on, it's difficult for a guy to
go and to go jidda,
and he doesn't know anyone there. It can
get very, very difficult for him.
So his son's there.
The son calls the dad, no, I got
my wife here.
I can't do anything. I'm sorry.
Allah.
And that kind of story or that kind
of situation, I know you have some sort
of background with it,
and a lot of it is down to
this pure love you end up having for
this girl that you're willing to do anything
for her even your parents,
that you need to be dutiful to her,
even that gets put on the question.
The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he told us
in Hadith, The Prophet told us in hadith,
that woman is married
A woman, she's married for four reasons.
All men tend to get married to these
women due to four reasons.
That's the reality of the Ma'a.
A lot of time you find is because
of these reasons that I mentioned in the
Hadith.
The first thing the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam mentioned was
Is that what most people do?
Getting married to her due to her beauty.
And each one I'm just gonna touch on
it insha Allahu Ta'ala
and give you a piece of advice.
Due to experience and also maybe dealing with
a lot of marriage issues,
Just remember one thing,
if her akhlaq,
her manners
is bad,
the time you get into an argument,
the beauty that you used to look at
and concentrate on is not gonna be there.
That's gone.
That which is going to remain beautiful is
the person's
manners and adab and the akhlaq.
And also be aware that beauty only lasts
a bit.
She's gonna get pregnant,
she's gonna, you know, halal, I'm married, she's
gonna get lazy,
the gym's gonna go out the window
that she used to go every day to
3 hours,
So she puts on weight and that beauty
that you decided to get married to
is gone.
So if your marriage is totally dependent on
beauty,
what happens when that beauty goes?
Or she gets married to you because of
your beauty, because you're so
nice and you look so good.
What happens when you get a bow patch?
Because of the long hair.
I always stick on his hair. He came
to loose and I was sticking on him
Allah. Masha'Allah.
How many are you going to get a
bull patch? Or she got married to you
because he's got nice head that
the hand can, you know, comb. You don't
even need a comb for it.
That goes. Or you get a scar on
your face. Or she has a child and
she becomes fat.
How last why you're gonna divorce her? Why?
Because she's no longer beautiful
anymore? Simply because your whole marriage was dependent
on the beauty?
I'm telling you now,
getting married to a woman that is 20
out of 10, that time you get into
an argument with her, or you ask her
to do something,
well like that beauty is gonna go down
the drain.
That which remains beautiful and go write that
in gold, Insha'Allah on your bedroom, that which
remains beautiful is the akhlaq and the manis,
the adab,
her etiquettes,
and the way she preserves the hudood of
Allah
And I'm gonna come on to late Insha'Allah
some of the mentality of some of our
women today, of our sisters, the feminist mentality,
how she needs to be the one in
the house wearing the trousers.
Now I'm gonna come on today inshallah later.
10 minutes. No.
Is everyone hungry?
I can hear Betty's rumbling in it.
Okay,
Insha'Allah.
The Prophet
also mentioned another hadith.
What to actually want inside Sorry, I'm still
in the first hadith. Do you put me
her lineage.
Sometimes the reputation of the family is that
which deludes a person. Look how good, look
how righteous the family is.
My mom, she's on point, she's always in
the masjid, the guy is always in the
masjid.
What makes you think because of the reputation
the family has that the girl that yoga
and marital is going to be like that.
I know a lot of guys have made
a mistake.
They saw the family,
the mom was in Adeel, the father was
in his religion, but the girl wasn't always
like that.
So you got kind of deceived with the
family.
He gets married, he's expecting a, b, c,
d, and e. All that was said,
but it's not there.
You are getting married into the family,
it can either be positive, it can be
negative as well.
So you need to look at the girl,
and likewise look at the family.
The last thing you want is to be
under the thumb.
She has you under your finger as they
say, you have the guy under the finger.
You tell him to jump, he jumps,
sit, he sits,
grab him.
Some of the mentality that some of our
sisters have
to control the relationship.
And some parents are like that, especially the
women,
families who the guy maybe has passed away
or there's no guy in the family, they
want to control.
That's something you need to take into consideration
as well.
Marriages, not 1, not 2, not 3, many
marriages. We can say maybe for the next
24 hours Foulad's marriage broke down because of
interferences.
A woman that's able to make decisions herself.
A girl that's not like a mommy's girl,
everything the mom says she does, and the
husband wants something, she doesn't do it, it's
always a culture clash, not a culture clash,
a decision or opinion clash.
Then the Prophet
said, Limaliha,
was anyone here around when recession took place?
We, you know, very very young.
The recession.
Sometimes a girl gets married to a guy
because of the car that he has,
or the money that he's bringing to the
table,
and likewise the other way around.
You get married to her because of the
wealth that she has.
What happens tomorrow when something like the recession
takes place
and you've lost your job?
I've heard
wife say to the husband, if you never
had a job, I wouldn't get married to
you.
Wallahi brothers, I've heard in my own ears.
If he had never had a job, I
wouldn't get married. So
the relationship is totally dependent on what?
Money.
What happens when the money goes?
You need the woman
in the hard times and the times of
ease.
When you
suffer a loss in your business,
she's going to remember the ayat,
when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that we're
going to test