Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Wedding Day Extravagance

All right. Another thing that I want to speak about today is,

wedding season is coming up. As the weather gets better, we're

going into summer wedding season, people tend to have their weddings

during this time. So nearly every weekend is now going to be filled

with a wedding. Now, the thing about weddings is just very

briefly, the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam gave some guidance

that tried to make weddings simple, so that they can happen

more easily. The more rituals you add to your weddings, the more

cultural implications you have, and the more conditions you put

and the more things that you have to follow. And the styles and

traditions and trends that you feel obliged to follow. That is

how much more difficult you will make it, people will just cringe

at it, right? Because they just find it so difficult. We need to

take away these barriers and make it simple. Look, we have no

problem. If you've got money, you've got sufficient money, and

you've got sufficient energy, and you've got sufficient resources

and supporters and helpers, and you want to give a good feast, you

know, it's a really good meal, and so on, go ahead and do it. There

is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Because when you're hosting

someone, these are going to going to be your guests, when you're

hosting someone, you can give the best of food and you know that

there can't be any cylinder unless you know, you go over the top. So

just purely for the sake of feeding someone if you want to go

all out, there is nothing wrong with that, where it is wrong, is

what many people are doing, because somebody else did

something, I have to do it as well. Otherwise, I will look like

a fool, I will look cheap, I will look miserly, I will look stingy,

I won't go up to the standard. That is where the problems come

in. So now if you're if even if you've got the money, right, and

you've got the power, and you've got everything to do this, right

to put it through, but you're doing it because somebody else did

it, and you don't want to look lower than them, then you're not

going to get any reward for that. So just realize that. So you know,

you've got all of these weird trends that people are doing that

you must feed everybody, the whole family five days, you know, from

five days in advance before the wedding, the wedding is on Sunday,

or sorry, Saturday, but from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,

Thursday, Friday that everybody has to eat at your house, you

can't even handle it. I've seen cases where they've done this, but

by Thursday, the you know, the host, she was literally just

saying, like get out of here right now. Right? You know, like, what's

wrong with you guys get out of here, give us some peace. But

she's the one who put it on herself by inviting everybody and

insisting on it every day different kinds of food and things

like that. There's just a lot of this cultural aspect. As people

get more money, you know, as in order to they would say this is

like basic you must be right, which means the mischief of money,

right money mischief, because you got money. So you can do this, if

you don't have the money where you're gonna do this from, right,

when you got you either got money, or you got the ability to get a

loan, which which is really a problematic thing. Now, if you

want to feed in your wedding, something really good, your

daughter's wedding, your son's wedding, something really good,

absolutely. Right. Same as wedding dresses, people are going crazy

for a dress for one day, right? And I really cannot see the

benefit of that they're going crazy look, you know, okay, if you

generally spend 50 pound on a dress, or 30 pound or 20 pound a

dress, and now you double that for a wedding, let's just say 100

pounds, maybe 150 pounds, I can understand that. But when you go

to six 700 pounds for a day when people around the world are

literally literally suffering, right. But we can do this because

we got the money because we're insulated from this problem. That

is a sad case. That is a sad case. I don't mind if you buy a car,

which you're going to drive, which there's additional functions in

this facility. And I can understand that if you're getting

a good washing machine at home that is going to be used everyday.

It's got good function, it doesn't wrinkle the clothes, it does it in

this way. That way, you're getting a good cooker, whatever the case

is, I can see benefit in there because there's going to be

lengthy benefit. The problem comes when for one day you're splashing

out just so that you can say you got your dress from this place, or

you got it from this. And it's like this because somebody else

was there are so many wedding dresses that are every week and

week out. They're just going to stay in a cupboard afterwards,

they're never going to wear them again. Right? Which woman gets the

trophy to wear her wedding dress again? Right. So Hala.

It's really a sad case that we're we're following. I don't know

which culture we're following here. But or which you know, which

shaytaan were following essentially, it's a big problem.

It's a big issue. Right? We need to really take it easy, I can

understand getting something beautiful and nice and elegant,

but not, you know this huge amount of money. Right? That that is

generally spent. And subhanAllah. You know, the worst thing that

I've seen, for example, is the religious, the religious women in

order to you know, emulate or copy and imitate, you know, the non

religious women, they go to get a wedding dress. Now wedding dresses

are generally very revealing, right? They're very revealing.

That's the nature of the wedding dress. Unfortunately, whether you

look in British culture or Western culture, or even Hindu culture

generally, you know, I don't I don't know if there's a Muslim

wedding dress company. Right? But that might be a good idea for

somebody to have a decent moderate place. I mean, you know, I'm

giving ideas here, right? But really what I'm doing

noticing is that a lot of these companies, they're Hindu, right?

They're from India, the Hindu base, it's all very revealing. So

what you got is you got the, you know, the so called the women who,

mashallah are following the deen, and they're trying to cover up

everything, they want to buy a wedding dress. So they have to

start with one of these that are very revealing, and then have to

add things to it. So then they get it tailored to adjust it with a

sleeve here or longer sleeves, not half a sleeve, you know, and make

sure that the neck is not showing too much, or, you know, this that

on the other. And literally, they're paying extra, right, so

they're going into 1000 2000 pounds, sometimes for a modified

dress that wasn't even originally designed for that product, and

just just really city, right? It's just just really silly. Right? So

what I'm saying is, I'm not against a good wedding dress, but

it should not be it's rough, it's rough, and debris, which means to

squander your wealth to to waste your wealth, just extravagantly

for the sake of the show, right? That is what the problem comes in.

That is what the problem comes in. There are many other options.

Right? There are many other options of you know, decent Muslim

kind of garments that you can get that are not so expensive, that

can be used for wedding, there's just say, obviously, you need

somebody to do this, I'm giving ideas that it could be somebody

who, you know, is doing a decent Muslim wedding dress, that is

concealing as well. So you don't have to, you know, spend so much

money doing these kinds of things. It's just kind of ridiculous. But

that's these are just some of the examples. These are just some of

the examples or the examples. I mean, you know about weddings,

essentially, what I'm saying is keep it simple, keep it

manageable, right? And the main thing, above all, everything is

intention. Why are you doing this? Are you doing this because you're

just so happy you're doing it for the sake of that, for the sake

that it's a good day for you, for your daughter, your son is getting

married, that's why you're doing it, Allah will give you a reward

for doing it. Well like that. But if you're not doing it for that

reason, you're doing it because there's an element of show. And if

you're doing anything haram in it, right? Where you're, you know,

you're you're making it free mixing. Now the problem with

weddings, and pre mixing is really problematic, right? The reason is

that, okay, you've got a you know, sometimes you've got, you know,

Islamic talk sometimes where you've got men and women sitting

separately, right. But generally, in a Muslim talk what you'll have,

because not every place that has, you know, a talk or a bar and a

lecture or seminar, right will you will have, you know, a divider,

for example, in between. But the thing that at least and I'm not

justifying, I'm just saying that at least what you will have is

that you will have everybody covered up because they come into

a talk, they come into an Islamic function problem with weddings is

that although it's a Muslim wedding function, people want to

let down their hair, especially the women, they want to let down

their hair, if you're not giving them a place to do that. And

they're going to be seen by men, you get the scene for that. And

people don't realize that, because you can't expect a woman to be

covered up in a wedding. Right, they're coming to a wedding, they

want to let down. So give them the place to do that. And don't give

the men the place to see them. Whether they want it they're doing

it accidentally or purposely doesn't make a difference. It's

that is what you need to take into consideration. Right? So organize

it well, in a in a place, which is you know, fully segregated so that

women get their privacy, they can be among other women and do that

we've got major problems in our weddings, some weddings, they will

be segregated, right? So they seem segregated. But you've got all

these weird men that are keep that keep coming in for some reason,

right? They keep popping in either to talk to their wife, or talk to

someone, some of them, you know, some of the people who are in

charge, it's just ridiculous, then you've got these women who have to

cover up who have to suddenly, like put something over their

head, or over their face, or whatever the case is, it's just

really bothersome, have strict segregation, make sure that if you

are doing it segregated, then do it properly, right, you've got all

of these weird things, then then there's this thing about, you

know, at the end, where there's a stage, so it's segregated in the

beginning, but then the man will come into the woman section, go

onto the stage and sit there like an idiot. Right? That's just just

wait really weird in front of all the women, he'll sit there and all

these women who are not even his macarons, right, who are not even

closely related to him, he can marry them, essentially, they will

come and feed him because they're the Friends of the bride or the

you know, whatever the case is just ridiculous. Right? It's

haram, it's not right, if you want to do a little function like that,

where everybody then go to another place, right away for all the

guests to go where it's just strictly close family members. And

you can do that I've seen some aroma who've done it like that,

right? Because you know, the family wants to get together, they

want to come together, you know, and sometimes you might want to

take some photos or whatever the case is, if that is what you want,

right? Because you have to be really careful of photos as well.

You have to be really careful of photos because you've got these

guys going around taking photos or these women going on taking

photos. And there are many women and some men who don't want to be

photo on and you can't take somebody's photo, right without

their permission. Remember that because if you're taking

somebody's photo, it's their privacy. It's haram to take

somebody's photo without their permission, right unless there's

kind of an approval, and you have to realize that it's not

permissible. So if you're in you're in your daughter or son's

wedding, you're causing that to happen or in your own wedding.

You're allowing that to happen. It's a problem, right? People

don't want to be compromised like that.

it so if you want to have a special stage and whatever do it

after everybody's got don't do it to show everybody where

everybody's, you know forced to watch this kind of stuff that's

going on. So there's a halal way of doing everything you don't know

you can have a bit of, you know fun but have it in a halal way.

That's what I'm trying to say. Right? May Allah subhanaw taala

give us the Tofik May Allah make it easy for us. May Allah give us

the right intention in this and may Allah reward it and bring

Baraka in our weddings. Because seriously when you don't do it

properly, the baraka is lost. And wedding is probably the one place

where you need more Baraka than any other place because it's two

individuals coming together who sometimes don't even have

absolutely no idea of each other, to make that work to make the

hearts come together. Only Allah can do that. And the more you fear

Allah subhanaw taala in that regard, the more the hearts will

come together and I can tell you that you know from many of the

experiences that I've seen, may Allah subhanaw taala give us a

tool for you