Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Wedding Day Extravagance
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All right. Another thing that I want to speak about today is,
wedding season is coming up. As the weather gets better, we're
going into summer wedding season, people tend to have their weddings
during this time. So nearly every weekend is now going to be filled
with a wedding. Now, the thing about weddings is just very
briefly, the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam gave some guidance
that tried to make weddings simple, so that they can happen
more easily. The more rituals you add to your weddings, the more
cultural implications you have, and the more conditions you put
and the more things that you have to follow. And the styles and
traditions and trends that you feel obliged to follow. That is
how much more difficult you will make it, people will just cringe
at it, right? Because they just find it so difficult. We need to
take away these barriers and make it simple. Look, we have no
problem. If you've got money, you've got sufficient money, and
you've got sufficient energy, and you've got sufficient resources
and supporters and helpers, and you want to give a good feast, you
know, it's a really good meal, and so on, go ahead and do it. There
is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Because when you're hosting
someone, these are going to going to be your guests, when you're
hosting someone, you can give the best of food and you know that
there can't be any cylinder unless you know, you go over the top. So
just purely for the sake of feeding someone if you want to go
all out, there is nothing wrong with that, where it is wrong, is
what many people are doing, because somebody else did
something, I have to do it as well. Otherwise, I will look like
a fool, I will look cheap, I will look miserly, I will look stingy,
I won't go up to the standard. That is where the problems come
in. So now if you're if even if you've got the money, right, and
you've got the power, and you've got everything to do this, right
to put it through, but you're doing it because somebody else did
it, and you don't want to look lower than them, then you're not
going to get any reward for that. So just realize that. So you know,
you've got all of these weird trends that people are doing that
you must feed everybody, the whole family five days, you know, from
five days in advance before the wedding, the wedding is on Sunday,
or sorry, Saturday, but from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday that everybody has to eat at your house, you
can't even handle it. I've seen cases where they've done this, but
by Thursday, the you know, the host, she was literally just
saying, like get out of here right now. Right? You know, like, what's
wrong with you guys get out of here, give us some peace. But
she's the one who put it on herself by inviting everybody and
insisting on it every day different kinds of food and things
like that. There's just a lot of this cultural aspect. As people
get more money, you know, as in order to they would say this is
like basic you must be right, which means the mischief of money,
right money mischief, because you got money. So you can do this, if
you don't have the money where you're gonna do this from, right,
when you got you either got money, or you got the ability to get a
loan, which which is really a problematic thing. Now, if you
want to feed in your wedding, something really good, your
daughter's wedding, your son's wedding, something really good,
absolutely. Right. Same as wedding dresses, people are going crazy
for a dress for one day, right? And I really cannot see the
benefit of that they're going crazy look, you know, okay, if you
generally spend 50 pound on a dress, or 30 pound or 20 pound a
dress, and now you double that for a wedding, let's just say 100
pounds, maybe 150 pounds, I can understand that. But when you go
to six 700 pounds for a day when people around the world are
literally literally suffering, right. But we can do this because
we got the money because we're insulated from this problem. That
is a sad case. That is a sad case. I don't mind if you buy a car,
which you're going to drive, which there's additional functions in
this facility. And I can understand that if you're getting
a good washing machine at home that is going to be used everyday.
It's got good function, it doesn't wrinkle the clothes, it does it in
this way. That way, you're getting a good cooker, whatever the case
is, I can see benefit in there because there's going to be
lengthy benefit. The problem comes when for one day you're splashing
out just so that you can say you got your dress from this place, or
you got it from this. And it's like this because somebody else
was there are so many wedding dresses that are every week and
week out. They're just going to stay in a cupboard afterwards,
they're never going to wear them again. Right? Which woman gets the
trophy to wear her wedding dress again? Right. So Hala.
It's really a sad case that we're we're following. I don't know
which culture we're following here. But or which you know, which
shaytaan were following essentially, it's a big problem.
It's a big issue. Right? We need to really take it easy, I can
understand getting something beautiful and nice and elegant,
but not, you know this huge amount of money. Right? That that is
generally spent. And subhanAllah. You know, the worst thing that
I've seen, for example, is the religious, the religious women in
order to you know, emulate or copy and imitate, you know, the non
religious women, they go to get a wedding dress. Now wedding dresses
are generally very revealing, right? They're very revealing.
That's the nature of the wedding dress. Unfortunately, whether you
look in British culture or Western culture, or even Hindu culture
generally, you know, I don't I don't know if there's a Muslim
wedding dress company. Right? But that might be a good idea for
somebody to have a decent moderate place. I mean, you know, I'm
giving ideas here, right? But really what I'm doing
noticing is that a lot of these companies, they're Hindu, right?
They're from India, the Hindu base, it's all very revealing. So
what you got is you got the, you know, the so called the women who,
mashallah are following the deen, and they're trying to cover up
everything, they want to buy a wedding dress. So they have to
start with one of these that are very revealing, and then have to
add things to it. So then they get it tailored to adjust it with a
sleeve here or longer sleeves, not half a sleeve, you know, and make
sure that the neck is not showing too much, or, you know, this that
on the other. And literally, they're paying extra, right, so
they're going into 1000 2000 pounds, sometimes for a modified
dress that wasn't even originally designed for that product, and
just just really city, right? It's just just really silly. Right? So
what I'm saying is, I'm not against a good wedding dress, but
it should not be it's rough, it's rough, and debris, which means to
squander your wealth to to waste your wealth, just extravagantly
for the sake of the show, right? That is what the problem comes in.
That is what the problem comes in. There are many other options.
Right? There are many other options of you know, decent Muslim
kind of garments that you can get that are not so expensive, that
can be used for wedding, there's just say, obviously, you need
somebody to do this, I'm giving ideas that it could be somebody
who, you know, is doing a decent Muslim wedding dress, that is
concealing as well. So you don't have to, you know, spend so much
money doing these kinds of things. It's just kind of ridiculous. But
that's these are just some of the examples. These are just some of
the examples or the examples. I mean, you know about weddings,
essentially, what I'm saying is keep it simple, keep it
manageable, right? And the main thing, above all, everything is
intention. Why are you doing this? Are you doing this because you're
just so happy you're doing it for the sake of that, for the sake
that it's a good day for you, for your daughter, your son is getting
married, that's why you're doing it, Allah will give you a reward
for doing it. Well like that. But if you're not doing it for that
reason, you're doing it because there's an element of show. And if
you're doing anything haram in it, right? Where you're, you know,
you're you're making it free mixing. Now the problem with
weddings, and pre mixing is really problematic, right? The reason is
that, okay, you've got a you know, sometimes you've got, you know,
Islamic talk sometimes where you've got men and women sitting
separately, right. But generally, in a Muslim talk what you'll have,
because not every place that has, you know, a talk or a bar and a
lecture or seminar, right will you will have, you know, a divider,
for example, in between. But the thing that at least and I'm not
justifying, I'm just saying that at least what you will have is
that you will have everybody covered up because they come into
a talk, they come into an Islamic function problem with weddings is
that although it's a Muslim wedding function, people want to
let down their hair, especially the women, they want to let down
their hair, if you're not giving them a place to do that. And
they're going to be seen by men, you get the scene for that. And
people don't realize that, because you can't expect a woman to be
covered up in a wedding. Right, they're coming to a wedding, they
want to let down. So give them the place to do that. And don't give
the men the place to see them. Whether they want it they're doing
it accidentally or purposely doesn't make a difference. It's
that is what you need to take into consideration. Right? So organize
it well, in a in a place, which is you know, fully segregated so that
women get their privacy, they can be among other women and do that
we've got major problems in our weddings, some weddings, they will
be segregated, right? So they seem segregated. But you've got all
these weird men that are keep that keep coming in for some reason,
right? They keep popping in either to talk to their wife, or talk to
someone, some of them, you know, some of the people who are in
charge, it's just ridiculous, then you've got these women who have to
cover up who have to suddenly, like put something over their
head, or over their face, or whatever the case is, it's just
really bothersome, have strict segregation, make sure that if you
are doing it segregated, then do it properly, right, you've got all
of these weird things, then then there's this thing about, you
know, at the end, where there's a stage, so it's segregated in the
beginning, but then the man will come into the woman section, go
onto the stage and sit there like an idiot. Right? That's just just
wait really weird in front of all the women, he'll sit there and all
these women who are not even his macarons, right, who are not even
closely related to him, he can marry them, essentially, they will
come and feed him because they're the Friends of the bride or the
you know, whatever the case is just ridiculous. Right? It's
haram, it's not right, if you want to do a little function like that,
where everybody then go to another place, right away for all the
guests to go where it's just strictly close family members. And
you can do that I've seen some aroma who've done it like that,
right? Because you know, the family wants to get together, they
want to come together, you know, and sometimes you might want to
take some photos or whatever the case is, if that is what you want,
right? Because you have to be really careful of photos as well.
You have to be really careful of photos because you've got these
guys going around taking photos or these women going on taking
photos. And there are many women and some men who don't want to be
photo on and you can't take somebody's photo, right without
their permission. Remember that because if you're taking
somebody's photo, it's their privacy. It's haram to take
somebody's photo without their permission, right unless there's
kind of an approval, and you have to realize that it's not
permissible. So if you're in you're in your daughter or son's
wedding, you're causing that to happen or in your own wedding.
You're allowing that to happen. It's a problem, right? People
don't want to be compromised like that.
it so if you want to have a special stage and whatever do it
after everybody's got don't do it to show everybody where
everybody's, you know forced to watch this kind of stuff that's
going on. So there's a halal way of doing everything you don't know
you can have a bit of, you know fun but have it in a halal way.
That's what I'm trying to say. Right? May Allah subhanaw taala
give us the Tofik May Allah make it easy for us. May Allah give us
the right intention in this and may Allah reward it and bring
Baraka in our weddings. Because seriously when you don't do it
properly, the baraka is lost. And wedding is probably the one place
where you need more Baraka than any other place because it's two
individuals coming together who sometimes don't even have
absolutely no idea of each other, to make that work to make the
hearts come together. Only Allah can do that. And the more you fear
Allah subhanaw taala in that regard, the more the hearts will
come together and I can tell you that you know from many of the
experiences that I've seen, may Allah subhanaw taala give us a
tool for you