Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Understanding Conflicts in Marriage
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Since the majority of people here are married,
I just wanna say one thing before I
carry on,
which should have been done before marriage, but
it's not too late.
And that is that the concept of preparation
for marriage.
When people get fixed,
then preparation means that we need to get
the wedding dress, we need to find the
hall, we need to find a good location,
a good venue,
we need to have the right suit for
the wedding,
guest lists, what the food items are going
to be, and so on and so forth.
Everything
gets put into that.
Every all the energy gets focused on that.
And I think what's really, really important
is that the preparation for marriage
is a lot more than that.
Essentially, you don't wanna put everything for the
sake of one day,
and then after that, not be concerned about
how you're gonna live in this marriage beyond
that one day.
So some some people may suffer from that
later on because they didn't really prepare.
A lot of the issues in marriage, and
I don't wanna focus on issues today, although
that is generally what the biggest task,
biggest issue is with regards to marriage. A
lot of the focus,
is on dealing with differences, dealing with, incompatibilities,
dealing with perceived incompatibilities
and so called conflicts and things like that.
So
you see,
I wanna talk about the positives.
That, alhamdulillah,
with help,
when it comes to marriage,
there's a lot of assistance that is out
there that people generally don't focus on and
take on.
One of the
main sources of
knowledge about marriage that a person has is
basically from seeing their own parents.
From seeing their own parents, from seeing maybe
older siblings who have been married, or maybe
uncles and aunts, people in their family, generally.
And then beyond that, it may be friends
who have recently been married or have been
married before you,
and you've learned
some experience. You've you've you've been able to
get some experience from them about their marriages.
And you know what the strangest thing about
marriage is is that it's like marriage is
very unique to the couple.
Yes. There are a lot of experiences that
you can share with one another and you
can benefit from. There's no doubt about that
because we're all human beings at the end
of the day, and there are certain
core behavioral aspects which are very important for
marriage that we can learn from one another.
The prophet
said something, he says that,
I am
the best of you is the one with
the best character.
And then he also said that, I am
the one who is best to his wives.
The Prophet was dealing with
more than one wife at a time for
the majority of the rest of his, for
the later part of his life until his
death when he passed away, he had 9
wives.
And he basically said, I'm the best
to my I'm the best of you to
my wives.
And he could claim that. A
lot of,
I mean, obviously he's speaking to men. And
here we have
primarily women and we have men.
So this works both ways. Good character worth
works both ways.
Good character is required for any if you
read a book on business and partnership,
even
managerial
positions,
CEOs,
leaders.
One of the biggest lessons that you can
learn from these is just basically decent interaction,
interaction skills,
skills of discourse.
You're you're always whenever you're with somebody else,
you're going to hear something
that you may not like
Because not everybody is going to always speak
at your level
or interact at your level
or do things that will be always pleasing
to you. Because we're human beings. Every human
being has
an
individual identity,
behavioral pattern,
customs,
conduct, and so on and so forth.
And until you live with someone
for a very long time,
that they understand you, what you like and
what you don't like,
and you understand them as to what they
like
and what they don't like, and you've
adjusted yourself to that,
then until then, you're gonna have to learn
to just deal with it. And even after
that, sometimes something may happen from your partner
that you may feel a bit strange because
you may think I've lived with somebody for
5 years or 70 years. I know everything
about them, but sometimes you could even be
surprised after that. Generally not. I mean, the
more you live with somebody so closely, so
intimately,
you you get to know them.
So marriage is all about adjustment,
massive adjustment. If you're going to stick to
your,
you know, if you're going to stick to
your position and you don't want to make
a change even when you think you're absolutely
right, you may be right. You may be
right.
But they may also be right from the
perspective in which they're looking at it. So
then if everybody is going to not try
to understand the other's perspective
because they think they're right. And again, you
can have cases where 2 people who are
arguing with one another could both be right
but in their own ways.
But
until they don't listen to the other way
they will never understand
how
you can be right and also not be
flexible enough to try to adjust.
That's
something that you will eventually only learn from
experience if nobody tells you that. Because always
we think we're right.
And in a marriage you've got so much
invested.
You've got so much invested that you can't
just basically
spoil it through a basic excuse
So one of the really core ingredients of
marriage
is adjustment,
and willing to
make a difference
and willing to sacrifice
your opinion
to listen to the other person.
So husband and wife have to learn to
understand one another.
One of the biggest problems in in marriage
is where one partner
expects the other person to know better.
She should know. He should just know that.
Why doesn't he get it? Everybody knows that.
My family, you know, because your your reference
point is probably your own family and friends.
Your partner may be from a totally different
family where their customs are totally different.
Behavioral patterns are totally different.
So you may think well I know it,
I get it, it's as clear as daylight,
why don't why doesn't he or she get
it?
So you can see there's a lot for
turmoil, that's why a marriage is an investment,
it's a religious investment in a couple, that's
why we don't believe in loose
dating,
because in dating, it's a very loose relationship.
And soon soon,
you're going to find out about a defect.
Because everybody has weaknesses, everybody has shortcomings and
defects. You can only
act
up to a certain point and behave in
a certain way.
Eventually, after you've become a bit informal,
our weaknesses will show.
So when you've got no investment, as in
you've not taken any vows, there's not been
any marriage ceremony,
and you're just basically trying to get to
know one another such in a dating process,
then it's easy to say okay I'm not
interested in this.
And
sometimes people who have been from divorced families
need to be even more careful
Because they've seen divorce, they've lived in a
divorced situation.
So sometimes it may they may think that
I can take it lightly because I'm used
to that situation.
So sometimes there are statistics which show that
people from divorced families could end up repeating
that.
And it doesn't have to be the case,
I know so many people from divorced families
whose parents were divorced and mashAllah they are
very happy marriages.
So you mustn't think that you're doomed just
because your parents were divorced. That should not
be the case.
So the main thing is to try to
understand one another.
And Masha'Allah, once people can be made to
understand one another, either by themselves if they're
being proactive,
or with the help of
a friend or a Maulana, a sheikh, a
counselor, whatever the case is, you'd be surprised
that where you thought that your marriage was
literally on the rocks and it was gonna
end, how it can be brought back. And
I know alhamdulillah many many happy stories about
that.
Right? So it's not just all bad stories,
there are huge amount of stories about divorce,
There's no doubt about that. But there are
also a lot of stories about people just
carrying on.
So I dealt with a case
several years back.
And masha'Allah, that couple is
a wonderful couple now.
But they were on the rocks essentially.
And the conflict was not necessarily between husband
and wife fundamentally.
They were fine with one another. The husband
is an easygoing man.
The wife may have been a bit stubborn
because of the condition in which she was,
in that she was living with her in
laws.
And
essentially, the father-in-law, she must have said something
or she once took off when it became
a bit unbearable for her.
And sometimes, you know, women do go through
hormonal
challenges,
right? And basically she left. Eventually she left.
The father-in-law took this as a massive insult,
unforgiving.
And you have that, sometimes the parents are
unforgiving. It's not something you can you have
to try extra hard to get get out
of this situation because the parents are unrelenting.
So he just wouldn't wanna forgive her. And
he basically told his son that you can't
basically bring her back here.
So now, generally speaking, even if you're okay
with your wife or husband,
a lot of the time
the parents' influence is huge.
Where there's no problem, the parents could actually
because
they
see a bit of
a difference in terms of the daughter that
she's brought into the house,
the daughter-in-law as such. She doesn't conform to
their ways fully. They're not willing to give
her time yet. They want her to be
just the same as
them, right, in the way they cook, in
the way they get up in the morning,
in the way they, go to sleep at
night, or in the way she uses the
bathroom, or whatever the case is, if she
cleans up after her, doesn't clean up, or
is not there or not there, she goes
home too much,
all of these things they want her to
be sometimes they just want her to be
the same as them right from the first
they don't understand that people have to be
trained
They think like this is a homogeneous world
we live in. It's just sad. I mean,
you can't change that. You're going to have
to help them to understand that. So the
father put a lot of pressure on her.
I mean, you you understand what I'm saying
is that sometimes you may be completely fine,
but then
you you could be basically convinced otherwise.
If not fully convinced, you could be influenced
otherwise, and then you get torn between 2
situations.
That's why the husband's job, especially if he's
living with his parents
and his wife, even if he's not, it's
always gonna be a difficult situation.
It's always gonna be a difficult situation,
especially for our communities where the wife comes
to the husband's family.
You know,
before
before I carry on with this, there
are at least 2 societies in the world
where the husband actually moves into the women's
side of the family.
And initially when I heard about that, I
thought that was really strange. I thought that
was unmanly,
not chivalrous, because at the end of the
day, it's the man who has to provide,
right?
But in the it's in their culture. It's
in their culture that the husband goes to
the wife's house,
the parents, and that's where they stay until
they can buy their own place. So you've
got the among the Tamil community in Sri
Lanka,
right? Because I was invited by one of
my students or friends there and he said,
this is actually my father in law's house.
So what are you doing in your father
in law's house? That's so unmanly.
Like, what would you be doing in your
wife's, your in law's house? He says, that's
a tradition. That's among tradition. I was just
like, why? Like, what do you you know,
what what is this tradition? I tried to
understand the wisdom because, you know, we can
be very judgmental.
And then later, I actually found that in
Malaysia, it's similar.
So in at least in many of the
Malaysian communities, at least what the one Pakistani
brother, Pakistani sheikh I met there who's actually
married to a Malaysian, this is their this
is the way they do things as well.
So you know what the benefit of it
is?
There's actually a benefit in there. When the
wife has to come to the husband's house,
which means his mother,
then it's not her mother, so
there could be that conflict.
But if she's at her own house, she's
going to be the dweller in the house.
The husband is coming in and out.
It's easier for the husband to adjust
because a lot of it is to do
around with the kitchen and food and stuff
like that. A lot of the conflict between
mother-in-law and son daughter-in-law is to do with
kitchen and food and stuff, right? Well, that's
where it manifests itself. So here, she's working
under her own mother.
She's learning to cook there if she doesn't
know how to cook. She's just come out
of education or whatever the case is, or
she's marrying young and she her mother can
can help her cook and guide her and
so on and so forth. As long as
the mother as long as now they're fine
with the son-in-law,
Generally, in many traditions, except one tradition that
I've heard of, and I don't necessarily need
to take their name, but there's only one
tradition where I know where the husband where
the son-in-law has to actually work
as, you know, he has to basically serve
when he comes. Otherwise, in most of the
traditions that I know about, the son-in-law is
respected, is honored,
is there's real hospitality.
And that's why in some traditions they actually
call going for the man to go to
his in law's house, jannatkagar.
Right? Basically, because you're going to get really
good. Right? And I'm sure that's in your
traditions as well, everybody sitting here, right? When
you go to your in laws, you get
usually well, you should be treated well.
But,
so there's less of a conflict like that.
I'm not saying we need to change our
tradition,
because this would be, at least in some
Indian community this would be completely unmanly to
do. But I see the wisdom in it.
I see that it probably works even better.
Right?
Although if that was an obligation, it would
be very hard on the parents because already
in many communities we have problems
of
paying jahrs. Alhamdulillah, I don't have that in
the Gujati community, but in, I think it's
a Bangladeshi community, UP community, maybe Hyderabadi community
and others, where the women has to basically
kit out the house, put furniture in the
house and everything and the fathers are, they've
got a few daughters they're complaining about it.
So going back to what we were saying,
this couple, the father didn't want her back
in the house, and she knew that it
was very difficult for her to stay in
the house anyway. So what what else do
you do now? The son didn't have enough
money to move out. He's the only son
in fact.
He's the father's only son.
So
practically speaking he's his only son he he
doesn't want to leave his father as well
he's a very he's a he's a very
masha'Allah serving person like he he's he's very
generous very serving
very soft hearted person, he doesn't want to
leave his father as well. So what do
you do then?
The next thing is divorce. Okay, let's find
somebody else who can work with my father.
Alhamdulillah,
they came
and
managed to speak sense into both of them.
And I said, look, you've got no problem
with that. I believe that I already had
a child by
then. I said,
you can basically not just give her up.
Because I realized at the bottom of it
they had their small minor issues but the
bigger issue was with the in laws not
with the husband and wife and they had
a child together at least one child
I said you're gonna you're gonna have to
go out of your way to preserve this
marriage
even if that means that you have to
move out of your house somehow
And the possibility was that
he could actually go
and stay.
And I think the way they initially did
it was that he would stay with his
parents for 5 days of the week or
something like that, and then for 2 days
the weekend, he would spend with her.
And alhamdulillah, now they've got their own house,
and they're separate, and they're living peacefully,
both of them. And it's been several years
since then.
So sometimes what happens is that you have
to make a big change and adjustment to
get it right.
A lot of people are waiting for a
miracle,
especially the in laws, they're waiting for miracles.
Another case that I dealt with,
where
the son, the only son who is living
with the father,
got married, and, masha Allah, the daughter-in-law
got along very well with the father, and
there was no problems at all.
Then the mother-in-law had passed away. So the
father decided to get married again, which is,
again, not a problem that he got married.
He got married again. And now a conflict
arose between
the stepmother as such of the son right
so the father's new wife and the daughter-in-law
and again if you look at both of
these individuals they're completely fine on their own
The step the mother and the daughter-in-law, they're
both fine on their own. But when you
put them together, they just can't function. Again,
most of it to do with cleaning and
kitchen issues,
Right? Just different,
different styles. Someone wants to cook early. Someone
doesn't want to cook early. Which day do
you cook? What type of food do you
cook? Because the the stepmother is from another
country,
right? So she is focused on Indian food,
whereas the
the daughter-in-law is cooking more non Indian food
more western food.
SubhanAllah, you know everything can be a conflict
essentially.
So they tried 1, 2 years saying all
sorts, blaming this person, blaming that person, all
the rest of it.
Right. Massive issue.
Alhamdulillah,
finally what they did was they separated,
they made a separate flat upstairs
for the son to move in with his
family.
Right? There's no door in between, but it's
just that their kitchens are separate,
their cooking quarters are separate, their main rooms
are
separate and everything, but they share other aspects.
And now, alhamdulillah, they both get along. Both
these women, they get along perfectly.
So you have to of course it cost
them it may have cost them a £100,000
to basically make that change in the house
to you know make a loft so you
get a few extra rooms
to basically make another kitchen
and all the rest of it, alhamdulillah they
get along now.
There are so many stories like that And
if they don't do that, and if they
don't think proactively and practically, then what just
happens is that they
it ends up in divorce.
And okay, if it's just husband and wife,
they've got no children, understandable, move along, it's
okay. But where that's not the case,
right, where that's not the case,
then you need to try to do your
especially when husband and wife don't have the
conflict.
I'm talking about cases where husband wife were
fine between them
but all of this was putting pressure on
that marriage
So these are alhamdulillah good stories. There is
yet another story
of a couple
who got married, and the woman who got
married
was told that she's going to be moving
in with the in laws.
And not just that, it was just the
mother-in-law, the father-in-law passed away.
And her husband to be has actually a
disabled brother and 2 disabled sisters, if I've
got that right. Right? So there's 3 disabled
people in the house. She's going to be
moving into that, and she realizes
very clearly that she's going to have to
be of great service there. She's going to
have to work hard. And she's fine, she
said, that's fine.
I'm willing to do the khidmah, mashaAllah.
You know, you got people who want to
do that khidmah, they don't mind going into
that scene. So she goes in, she gets
married and everything.
Now imagine it, the husband, it's the husband
who has a massive role,
right? And of course, the wife has a
role, but the husband has a bigger role
because it's his in laws that we're talking,
it's his parents that we're talking about.
Now what happens is, she's working, no problem.
But anytime there's a slight issue,
the mother-in-law stops talking to her for days
on end.
That's her way of dealing with it.
That's just her way. She's just very sensitive.
If you're sensitive like that, then see yourself
in this position that you may do this.
Or are you already doing it? We just
give the silent treatment, is there no other
way you can deal with it?
I know husbands and wives and other people
who have conflicts
but they never break up. Breaking up and
not speaking to one another is not in
their vocabulary.
It is such a babyish thing to do.
I tell my children the same thing
right
that you cannot
break up with anybody
because they come back and they say he
is not speaking to such and such a
person I said that's just so silly
have your little argument whatever sort it out
and go carry on
this attitude that I'm going to yes there
are serious cases, serious cases where you may
have to shun somebody for a while
But if you're going to do this for
every small thing, then what kind of a
punishment is that even to somebody?
Punishments have to be proportionate,
if you even think it's a punishment.
So she used to get the cold shoulder,
the cold treatment for 2, 3, you know,
2, 3 days. How can you live like
that in a house where your husband's mostly
out doing work and it's you and your
mother-in-law? I mean, you're living like a stranger,
right, but you can't speak to the other
person.
So the husband looks at this issue. Now
remember that
most husbands won't have
3 siblings
who are disabled,
who need help,
right?
And those kind of people even find it
hard to move out or to take the
step to move out.
Allah blessed this guy,
he found a house close by and he
moved out with his wife.
Initially, that's tough because it's like you're forsaking
us, you're abandoning us, but that wasn't, this
was a strategic move.
A lot of the time the solution is
in this.
So he did that
and today, alhamdulillah, there's no problem again. And
they've been it's been over 10 years
since that move
so initially these kind of things feel difficult
because parents
have a certain
future vision that I'm going to have I
chose you out of all my children, I
chose you to stay with me.
You are my most beloved son,
you are the one who I thought is
going to do my khidma,
right? And now you want to move out
because of this foreign woman that's coming in
the house,
right? But little do they know that that's
the only way to deal with it sometimes.
Otherwise,
you may get rid of this wife,
what's gonna happen if he brings if you
get married to somebody else? And you know,
a lot of the time, it's actually
nieces, and it's actually their own niece sometimes.
It's not even
somebody from another family, it's actually the mother's
own niece that they're having this problem with
sometimes.
So the solution to all of this is
to think proactively,
practically,
and be willing to
make a big adjustment.
But the husband's responsibility is the biggest responsibility
because
this is what the challenge is really. You
know what the challenge is? When the mother-in-law
who's been bringing up her son, doting on
him and everything, he gets married, there's another
woman who's a competition now, she may not
think of it as a competition but subconsciously
it's a competition.
I bought this guy up, I bought my
son up
and now this other
woman has an influence on him,
See what I'm saying? And from the wife's
perspective, it's like, he's my husband, he needs
to focus on me.
Right? So they all,
whether, you know, it's just about adjusting that
focus and adjusting that attention.
That's why the solution is huge amount of
dua,
right? Because your dua should start before your
marriage, and if you're already married and you're
having issues, it's not too late.
So
one of the most potent
and effective duas that I found is
It's at the end of Surat Al Furqan,
a few verses from the end.
And
Our Lord
grant us
from our spouses, so he works for both
husband and wife,
and from our progeny, so that children and
grandchildren, and it basically is effective for up
to the day of judgment whoever
will be born from your, you know, from
you,
Grant us from them source of joy
and delight for our eyes.
And make us
imams,
leaders
of
the righteous ones.
So you will be a force for good
if that dua gets accepted.
Ulema have written about this dua, that this
is such a powerful
dua of the Quran,
that
if you keep reading this and you basically
act practically and reasonably,
you will find that anything in your spouse
that is upsetting you, because
there is always going to be good points
and there is going to be bad points
and the problem arises when you make the
bad points magnified in your sight so that
you don't even see the good side anymore.
Oh yeah yeah she does she have any
good points brother?
Let me think. Yeah she does have a
few good points.
You know when I ask, oh she does
have a few good points. It's just totally
off the radar.
It's all about the bad points because they
become magnified. Humans have this ability to magnify
one point over the other.
What is racism?
That you magnified
your difference
based on your ethnicity or whatever. And for
other people where there are still different ethnicities,
they have no problem with that.
See what I'm saying? They have no problem
with that. It's just you've magnified a certain
idea in your mind. You just have to
demote it.
So what this dua does, it helps you
to manage that
fanaticism,
or manage that sensitivity,
or manage that focus.
So what the udama write is that either
Allah will actually remove their bad points that
bother you like eradicate them and it will
leave them or
Allah will cover them up
so that you will ignore them and they
won't be a big deal anymore. Which basically
means that they will be demoted in your
mind and the good points will become bigger.
And believe me, that's the only way to
deal with the marriage. Focus on the good.
And that's what the prophet said. No man
should hate a woman.
No husband should hate his wife. Because if
there's something that he's displeased with, there's going
to be radiya bihaukhra. There's going to be
other characteristics that he's pleased with. He's basically
saying
what the psychologist would tell you is focus
on the good, be positive,
magnify the positive,
let that make you happy.
Right? Of course, if somebody that doesn't mean
that the other person has no job and
no task at all. They have to obviously
try to subdue their bad qualities.
So for example,
if a if a man or woman has
no ability to seek forgiveness,
to apologize, because they never think they're wrong
and even if they know they're wrong they
just have this psychological
dilemma where they can't say sorry
then that's a massive issue
because it all comes from arrogance,
narcissism,
conceitedness,
pride
and that's why that is all
against good character. Good character is where you
moderated your behavior,
and you don't and you need you need
behavior,
moderated behavior, more
in marriage than probably in any other situation.
So
I hope that gives us a bit of
food for thought.
So that's one challenge about the in laws
and so on. The other challenge when you
get married since everybody's married here is when
the children arrives, when children arrive.
Generally, in this case, it's the women, because
now they've got to, they've had, they've been
through a lot of 9 months
of carrying the baby, it's not easy. There's
been massive hormonal changes.
There's a certain, you know,
intense connection and bonding with the child, sometimes
more than the husband has,
because he just did his job and she
had to carry the baby.
And she and then, of course, it may
be the first baby, may even be the
same one, and it's difficult. Some women just
don't know how to deal with it in
the beginning. You need a lot of help.
Right? Staying up at night, breastfeeding,
and all the rest of it. It's not
easy. So the husband needs to be careful
about that time. He needs to be supportive.
I want my right from you.
That's my fundamental right, he's saying.
Okay. That's fine. It is a fundamental right.
But don't you see that there's another there's
a baby now in place?
Are you gonna hate your own son or
daughter,
because you want your right?
But at the same time, women should not
use it as an excuse of where they
can oblige that they don't oblige.
And I mentioned this very in detail in
my book because this is,
aside from the in laws, the second biggest
issue is when children arise.
Right? And women, sometimes, you know, the husband
has to understand women sometimes do go through
postpartum depression,
which is a massive hormonal
challenge that they go through, and then just
not thinking right at that time as well.
But if I speak to the wives, you
know, I I have to tell them that
you do have to do your best.
Right? Tired, fatigued, whatever,
communicate, try to do your best.
Right? And try to brave up and and
to be stronger as well.
Both sides need to be sensitive about these
things. So in laws
are the first challenge. The second challenge is
basically when children's come children come about. And
then there are serious several other challenges. There
is money problems is another one.
Right? The husband doesn't give enough to the
wife to spend.
Right? Or he gives a very limited amount
and asks her for an itemized billing every
month.
Right? I mean, maybe I'll suggest that they
should use QuickBooks or something like that.
SubhanAllah, I mean, if your wife if your
husband is actually asking you for itemized billing,
then how are you gonna remember that? Right?
So maybe just nowadays you get apps, I
mean, I'm just trying to be helpful, like,
if that's how your husband is. Right? Husband
shouldn't do that.
Of course, if if the if one of
the partners is a spendthrift,
then it is, you know, it is kind
of the responsibility,
moral responsibility
for each one to to try to help
moderate that because,
you know, money has to come from somewhere.
And the prophet said that,
Moderation in your spending is half of your
livelihood
because you don't have necessarily always control of
what comes in, but you do have control
of what should go out. So you just
have to kind of tame
your spending,
your standard, and things like that. So that's
another generally conflict that I've spoken about. And
another conflict is basically intimacy matters.
That sometimes can be one of the biggest
conflicts, intimacy matters. I've alluded to it earlier,
but intimacy issues.
One person is not fulfilled.
Right? 1 of the spouses are not fulfilled.
How do you deal with that?
Right? Because sometimes there's an embarrassment, you know,
there's a shyness aspect.
When it comes to husband and wife, there
should be no shyness, to be honest.
But you don't want to say it in
a vulgar way either.
So each
of the partners,
each of the spouses need to be open
with one another about their needs and their
desires.
Right? And the other one should be willing
to give
whatever is halal in a marital relationship, especially
today when we're living in an overly
hypersexualized
world,
where things are basically available at your fingertips.
And unfortunately some people may already
have ideas from from such venues,
so then it becomes even more complicated.
So that's why whatever's halal should, you know,
should be voiced to one another
in an appropriate way. And they should muster
up enough courage to be able to do
that, to to say, this is what I
would like, and this is what you would
like, or what would you like? I mean,
they should be proactive in that.
So that's another thing.
Constraint of space,
these are all different conflicts, but Alhamdulillah,
where people are willing to make a change
and want to make it survive,
then yes, it takes sacrifice,
it requires major adjustment, but it can be,
Insha'Allah.
So I think I'll
stop there,
Hopefully, that's beneficial in terms of the the
various things and