Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – The Prophetic Etiquette of Visiting and Greeting People
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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala CD mursaleen are
the early he or Sophie edge marine remebered.
We'll be covering a few more adab etiquette from this book called
addable Marshadow
which is by Hakeem Mohammed has a montage every time we called this
a siru etiquettes of social life.
It's similar to the other one by Shehab, the photographer that we
are covering, but it's slightly different because there's some
additional points that he adds in here.
I've chosen
today adverb of meeting one another mula pot, adverb of
meeting one another.
First and foremost, he says, when you go to meet a person,
when you want to meet somebody,
the main thing is you want to meet them, you want some benefit from
them, you want to tell them something, you want to get their
attention, you want some connection between you two, so
make sure you don't disturb them.
If you're trying to make a connection with someone, and you
disturb them, you don't start off on the right way. So one mustn't
disturb somebody by intruding on them while they're busy.
If, for example, the person is engaged in pilau,
reading the Quran, or some other dramas, while he's sleeping, or
preparing to sleep, or otherwise, involved in anything else, where
he will, where you think you will be disturbed, I mean, obviously,
in many of these cases,
common sense will be the deciding factor will be a very helpful
factor, in fact.
So don't go and greet them or try to shake their hands at that time.
If they're busy, either go away, return later, wait a while, or
some other house in some other way. Sometimes, it's a good idea.
I remember when I went to not little Irma, which is the mother
of sign, Lucknow. And we went to meet monocyte Alderney. So he was
busy in another room. But it's the tradition there. It's his
tradition. When we spoke to the people who are sitting in the
other room that know him very well. They said generally, he
doesn't meet people right now. But I guess he's they've been told
that if somebody does come that come from afar, or is not going to
be will stay longer, or whatever, write your name, where you've come
from on a little piece of paper, and somebody will pass it to him.
If he decides that he he's willing to disturb whatever else he's
doing, because it's not the time for meeting. These are busy people
we're speaking about here, right, just like you have to have an
appointment to go to somebody. Generally, when it comes to non
Muslims or non religious people, we think that we have to take an
appointment, you don't just pop into your doctor's wherever,
whenever you want. It's very important. You go and see your
doctor when you need to see your doctor, but you have to take an
appointment. And sometimes you don't get an appointment for two
weeks.
Likewise, you want to go and see a lawyer, solicitor or anything else
you need to take appointments. Likewise, when it comes to
religious scholars, they are extremely busy, generally
speaking, especially if there's somebody worth seeing, they're
going to be very busy. That's probably why you want to go and
see them because they are very busy people, because they probably
involved in many, many activities.
So now, we think that because he's a religious scholar, he should
just be ready for me anytime.
So whenever I go, he should just open up and start speaking to me
and welcomed me and all the rest of it. But no, this is not about
that. There's a hospitality aspect. There's a welcoming aspect
from the scholar side that he has to obviously, deal with people
with good luck, and not become foolish, like the foolish person,
and so on and so forth. But at the same time from our own side, we
need to also treat them with some kind of respect, and marinara.
Shivani Tonry. One of the things about him that made him very
distinctive is that he had something he did for every time he
had every
moment of his time already called for. He was very particular on
timing. He would have a timetable that he stuck to in everything.
Like he went for a walk after fajr
that was necessary. And within that work, he says that I would
solve many, many rulings, something bothering him from
yesterday, a question that was asked to him something came up in
tafseer or Hadith. That would be the time that he would think about
these things as he's walking. So it's a multitasking came. He's
walking off the Fajr and he's thinking about these things. He
carries a paper and a pen with him. And then as the answer or the
riddle gets solved or whatever it is the masala
It becomes clear for him, he will write it down. When he comes back,
he added into this. He was constantly thinking about these
things. He had a time for everything. And of course, there
was a time when people would meet him, there was a time for that as
well. Now, sometimes you're gone from far, you can't go and see
them at that time. And you really want to, you know, so there's a
lot of these factors that have to be taken into consideration. I
remember once we went to visit Sheikh Yunus, which was many, many
years ago.
Somebody went and said, Oh, there's some guys here, some
brothers here from London, from UK or whatever. So he said, so what
if they're from the UK, you think they came from the heavens or
something like that? Why should you know? Why should I have to
waste my time, he's got a time.
He teaches Sahil because he's been teaching for over 40 years. And
he's got a time when he's preparing. That's his job. That's
what he's doing. He's got time afterwards. But this is the time
he's preparing. And we showed up at that time. So you will, you
will find all of these things. So that's why he's saying that if the
person is busy, at the end of the day, you have to respect that. But
as I said, with some people, you can actually send them a note. And
if they feel like they want to visit you for a reason, then it's
fine.
When having arrived at the venue of the person whom you wish to
meet, inform them of your presence, either by salaam or
speech, etc. Do not sit sit in a concealed space. This is when
there's a general gathering or something, don't go and like sit
in a corner or something like that, where they can't see you.
And then you expect them to honor you. And you will know about that.
So don't go and sit in a concealed space in such a way. Especially we
have not learned that you're present.
Because somebody who likes to welcome people.
He needs to see them. If you've gone in, you expect them, but then
you go expect them to honor you speak to you, but you've gone and
sat in a corner how they're going to do that. So you have to do what
you have to do. At the same time, don't go and sit right in front of
them either. Because you know, there may be somebody else who
spot that maybe
if you go somewhere, and is the person you want to meet is
speaking to somebody else. You go to your brother's
office or a friend's shop, and he's speaking to someone,
sometimes you go to visit your friend and we're at his workplace.
He's speaking to someone. Now you go and kind of stand there and he
may be speaking privately with that person. So don't do that.
Don't stand within earshot.
If you do happen to be somewhere where you are within earshot, and
they start speaking about something private, then don't just
stand there thinking well,
I'm not purposely here, move away, it's respectful to just move away.
When meeting someone with whom you have no informal Association,
don't start asking him about the condition of his home affairs.
Because you don't have the informality to ask about them. And
maybe children in general, as you know, they may not have children.
And it's kind of really strange, because different people have
different cultures. When we were in Mauritania, recently, in one
place, I asked the sheikh son, who's also you know, as an older
person, I said, How many brothers are here? And I found that they
didn't give me he didn't give me a very clear answer.
until another place afterwards, and I again, asked, How many
brothers are you? And this time, because we were a bit more
informal? His response was that in our culture, that's not seen as
something that really brings about much good luck.
I mean, when I mean by luck and good fortune, you know, meaning
it's not seen as something positive to ask that question.
Now, we don't have a problem with that, both in the English culture,
British culture, Asian culture, Indian culture, Bangladeshi, I'm
sure you are somebody, how many brothers are you? There's nothing
wrong with that. You know, we have no problem with that. But among
these Moorish tribes, they seem to have an issue with that. There's a
different culture, but there's some things you just can't help.
Of course, traveling will teach you many things. But
some things you can't help if it's a question, just don't get too
informal. Similarly, do not start asking people which with whom you
don't have an informal relationship, about his source of
earning,
how much he owns, what assets he has, how wealthy he is, how many
homes he has, and so on and so forth. That's getting quite
personal. No one is okay. When you start speaking everything you are
Okay, where do you work? What do you do? Understandable, but then
to ask them what kind of money they have, and you know, what kind
of assets they hold, that's getting a bit too much. Now,
although for most of us, this will sound like something we never do.
And it's common sense. But unfortunately, there are people,
you do get the odd few who will ask you some really weird
questions. I've had that experience. That's why I'm
mentioning. They don't realize this is their way. In fact, some
people are quite boastful about is that I'm very open, I'm very open,
I'll ask you this question.
They don't understand that they being silly. Sometimes that
happens as well.
On meeting a person do not linger too long, so as to cause him
inconvenience or constitute an impediment in his activity.
This is where you go to visit somebody, or you go to some place
an office or something like that, and you want to just visit
somebody quickly. And don't just kind of sit around after your job
is done. They've got other things to take to move away. When meeting
someone do so pleasantly smiling, so as to please Him, we already
covered some aspects of this in the earlier Darth that we had from
the other, which was about wearing nice clothes, and good smell and
everything like that as well. But obviously, smile, don't be sulky
when you visit somebody.
Right when meeting somebody for the first time,
remember the following things. Now this is very important. Introduce
yourself, state your name.
In this country, people don't do that.
They generally don't do that. You visit somebody or someone, you
meet them in the masjid or whatever, Somalia, you generally
do not mention your name.
Whereas what I noticed in America, in general,
when you visit somebody, you mentioned your name,
that is actually closer, it's better that a person knows your
name. So a bit more informal, it's better. To do that. Introduce
yourself, state your name, state, your hometown, or country or city
from where you're coming, if you're from somewhere else. So
people can have a reference point, they may then understand how to
deal with you. They can figure out what your ideas are what you know,
your likes or dislikes, maybe they can treat you accordingly. Food
ideas, you know, food, or things of that nature, cuisine or
something like that, and state the purpose of your visit.
Are you just passing through did you come for a business trip.
And now you just want to visit him, I've just came for a business
trip, I had to come and visit somebody, or I've come especially
to meet you. Sometimes what may happen is that a person is getting
many guests, and people are passing through all the time. And
generally people may come for something else, they live in a
busy city come for something else. So they just passing through
molotovs, you know, to meet somebody as well. Sometimes
somebody may have come specifically from very far to
visit that person, if you don't tell them that, then they may not
give you that same type of accommodation, they may not give
you that same kind of welcome. They may not they may think you're
just coming past to make Moloch God just Mustafa Salam Alikum,
whatever it was, that's it, they may not know you've come from very
far for a particular reason. So be clear about what you say don't
expect them to work it out for you.
It's only it's only appropriate to do that. When meeting a person do
not pick up any letter paper or book from nearby to read, you
know, unless unless it's waiting room literature, where they've got
it there for guests just to make sure they don't waste their time.
Otherwise, don't pick up anything that they are working on or look
or whatever, when someone comes to meet you and if you are sitting
get up and move slightly, this is respect for the visitor. So if
somebody comes to visit you then show some kind of
welcome, don't just sit then gesture or something show some
kind of welcomed that you are happy that they here.
Some people commit the error
of arriving without notifying. They have not yet eaten. But they
arrive at such a time which creates difficulty in preparing
foods.
If it is realized that the time of arrival arrival will be improper,
then make your own food arrangements.
This is very important. You go somewhere to a relative's house
somewhere and you turn up
at
one o'clock 1245 in the afternoon. What 730 In the evening, which is
time for eating.
You didn't tell them before you're coming you just popped up to
another city. And people like to be hospitable. They don't not
going to let you go without eating. But now it puts them into
a dilemma because they've only prepare the food for themselves
most likely. If you told them two hours in advance we're coming then
they'll prepare for you. So in that kind of a case, you'd rather
go somewhere far
And the HMC outlet somewhere, right
or whatever. Go and eat and then just turn up half an hour 45
minutes later
is just unless
you have a special arrangement.
These are things to consider.
Just
one more thing when you make salaam meet somebody
in Arabic we call that Mustafa.
The main thing is Salam. That is the greeting. That is what you get
for Lila and virtue for a Salam aleikum. Wa Rahmatullah you have
wabarakatuh Peace be upon you, and His mercy, Allah's mercy and His
blessings. That is the main thing that is the most significant
aspect. Shaking somebody's hand not giving salaam
that's salah, shaking hands touching hands is secondary. So
there's a hadith and other will move further of Imam Buhari where
he says, minimum minimum here. It's from the completion of the
salam that you shake hands, so it's an added aspect. When people
shake hands, it's Mustafa in Arabic the word Mustafa comes from
the verb form Mufasa Mufasa. That means to do something mutually,
and Mustafa comes from joining the two palms of the hands together,
this literally means musasa. So bringing the palms together, so
you cannot make yourself a hair like this with your fingers.
That's not what Safa that's Musa from isberg or Isber which means
finger Musa, but you're not doing that. You're doing Mustafa to do a
good healthy handshake. Don't crush the other guy's hands. But
do it healthy handshake. With the two palms meeting together as
Mustafa then there's beyond that there's more anata more Anna means
the embrace. More Anika comes from Roanoke. Roanoke means the neck.
It means joining the next together.
Of course generally the it becomes Masada as well. And micarta which
means Cardiff and solder. The chests come together. And so do
the shoulders. Don't make it any more than that. Don't make it a
MOBA Turner,
where the stomach comes together as well.
That's not the point of it. The point of it is the next and of
course then it's definitely gonna go to extend your neck and not do
your shoulders. You know, that's that's what it's called. One is
sooner by the way. Three is not necessary. And especially have to
visit if you have to meet 20 people and you have to do three
times 20 It gets complicated. In fact, there's other mothers this
cardio machine that comes from Madina, Munawwara he teach comes
here
for a few weeks a year or something. He is He has been
teaching in Madina Munawwara in must you never we did read for
several decades. So he comes here sometimes and he was telling a
story that he was going to be killed at one time in the crush of
people trying to meet him when he was in Turkey or somewhere like
that. He says and in some places they don't they don't embrace you
just lightly they crush you. And if 100 People are going to do that
to you. Can you make he says people came and saved me.
Otherwise I would have been crushed. So sometimes he says that
now I just I go I can't You can't just do that with everybody.