Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Practical Steps for a Healthy Marriage Compassion and Mercy

Unfortunately, our climate that we're living in right now, of

consumerism and selfishness, that doesn't give us much room for

mercy, and for selflessness, because we learn to indulge, it's

so easy nowadays to take what you want and just throw what you don't

want away, and just get something new. So that's why it's very

difficult to do that in a marriage. See what I'm saying?

You can't do that in a, in a human relationship, we have to really

deeply invest our emotions for our spouse.

It's a give and take situation, right? With Husband wife is a give

and take situation. And the other thing that you have to realize is

that marriage is not just about ticking boxes, or fulfilling the

50 requirements, what is my right towards my wife, and what is my

right towards my husband. And that's it, just these two and

these, I'm not going to do anything else never works that

way. Never works that way. Those are just fundamental things, the

fuqaha. The juris just left everything else to culture and to

social norm, social demands. So anything that is not haram, and

that's demanded, it should be fulfilled by husband and wife.

That's very important.

Let's say that you had an ideal spouse in mind, or when you got

married in with your spouse, he or she has certain flaws, telling you

this from personal experience, right? You have an ideal, this is

what you wanted. But now you've got a wife, right? Or husband, and

they have certain flaws. What are you going to do now? You think if

you get another one, they're going to be perfect. grass is greener on

the other side, they're probably going to have this they may not

have certain problems, but then have other problems. Every human

being is like that. What are you supposed to do? This is what the

scholars tell us to do. And I guarantee you that this works.

Firstly, the hadith of Abu Huraira the Allahu Anhu. He says that the

Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, that layup for men

and Minuten that a believer should not despise his wife. For if there

is any quality he dislikes, because there's certain qualities

that you dislike, there will be certainly others that he would be

pleased with. So what is he telling us to do? Focus on the

positives, focus on the good.

They will be disliked. But there will be other things. If she talks

too much. Maybe she's a very good cook, though.

Right?

If she doesn't cook so well, but maybe in every other way. She just

makes you so happy.

Intimately intimacy, whatever else. All right. Look at the

positives. Is he looking at positives, there's some people

that are just very negative, they always focus on the negative. A

lot of people are like that. They always look out for the negatives.

Even there's 100 positives and 20 negatives, they'll focus on the

negatives. One negative and 10 positive, they'll focus on the

negative No, they just pick it up. They're like business investors,

they just see an opportunity so they see negativity. Don't be like

a pig.

A pig when it goes into an orchard, it goes and looks for the

rubbish because they used to that be like a nightingale. When a

nightingale goes into an orchard it looks for the most beautiful

flower goes there and sings. Just positivity

helps a lot. It's not harmful at all.

Because if you're going to be constantly negative, you may

eventually end up with nobody around you because you're going to

be considered negative. Then the second thing that you do is you

read the following dua Robina habla Naaman as Vergina with RIA

Tina Kurata Aryan, what's your analysis tacchini Mama, oh, our

Lord, grant us this is a Quranic dua by the way, grant us from our

spouses, and our progeny, our children, grandchildren, etc,

those that will gladden our eyes

and make us the leaders of the righteous people. So you know what

the benefit day is, the other man mentioned that if you keep reading

this Quranic dua, which is very powerful, slowly, slowly, Allah

and you keep focusing on the positive and not the negative. And

I tell you this from experience that this works, Allah will either

change your spouse

to be all positive, or the negative things, you will be happy

to ignore them, they won't matter to you anymore.

They will matter to you anymore. And the positives will satisfy you

to such a degree that you will be very, you will be very happy with

them that you won't the negatives won't bother you anymore.

And I guarantee you that this works if you if you approach this

in this way with a trust in Allah.

Because if I'm bothered by somebody who does certain things.

For example, there were there were two vegetables that I could never

eat.

I could never see myself ever eating them. I would

Just never eat those vegetables. But I've started eating them

reason and I'm actually started enjoying them now.

Human beings have an ability to change. In fact, what the

psychologists will tell you about the brain is that

every 10 years couples every 10 years undergo a change. It's every

10 years they undergo change. You would be different when you're 40

From when you're 30.

Many you know based on your experiences and everything like

that