Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Practical Steps for a Healthy Marriage Compassion and Mercy
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AI: Summary ©
the brain is constantly undergoing changes every 10 years. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of trusting oneself and not just focusing on negative
the brain is constantly undergoing changes every 10 years.
AI: Transcript ©
Unfortunately, our climate that we're living in right now, of
consumerism and selfishness, that doesn't give us much room for
mercy, and for selflessness, because we learn to indulge, it's
so easy nowadays to take what you want and just throw what you don't
want away, and just get something new. So that's why it's very
difficult to do that in a marriage. See what I'm saying?
You can't do that in a, in a human relationship, we have to really
deeply invest our emotions for our spouse.
It's a give and take situation, right? With Husband wife is a give
and take situation. And the other thing that you have to realize is
that marriage is not just about ticking boxes, or fulfilling the
50 requirements, what is my right towards my wife, and what is my
right towards my husband. And that's it, just these two and
these, I'm not going to do anything else never works that
way. Never works that way. Those are just fundamental things, the
fuqaha. The juris just left everything else to culture and to
social norm, social demands. So anything that is not haram, and
that's demanded, it should be fulfilled by husband and wife.
That's very important.
Let's say that you had an ideal spouse in mind, or when you got
married in with your spouse, he or she has certain flaws, telling you
this from personal experience, right? You have an ideal, this is
what you wanted. But now you've got a wife, right? Or husband, and
they have certain flaws. What are you going to do now? You think if
you get another one, they're going to be perfect. grass is greener on
the other side, they're probably going to have this they may not
have certain problems, but then have other problems. Every human
being is like that. What are you supposed to do? This is what the
scholars tell us to do. And I guarantee you that this works.
Firstly, the hadith of Abu Huraira the Allahu Anhu. He says that the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, that layup for men
and Minuten that a believer should not despise his wife. For if there
is any quality he dislikes, because there's certain qualities
that you dislike, there will be certainly others that he would be
pleased with. So what is he telling us to do? Focus on the
positives, focus on the good.
They will be disliked. But there will be other things. If she talks
too much. Maybe she's a very good cook, though.
Right?
If she doesn't cook so well, but maybe in every other way. She just
makes you so happy.
Intimately intimacy, whatever else. All right. Look at the
positives. Is he looking at positives, there's some people
that are just very negative, they always focus on the negative. A
lot of people are like that. They always look out for the negatives.
Even there's 100 positives and 20 negatives, they'll focus on the
negatives. One negative and 10 positive, they'll focus on the
negative No, they just pick it up. They're like business investors,
they just see an opportunity so they see negativity. Don't be like
a pig.
A pig when it goes into an orchard, it goes and looks for the
rubbish because they used to that be like a nightingale. When a
nightingale goes into an orchard it looks for the most beautiful
flower goes there and sings. Just positivity
helps a lot. It's not harmful at all.
Because if you're going to be constantly negative, you may
eventually end up with nobody around you because you're going to
be considered negative. Then the second thing that you do is you
read the following dua Robina habla Naaman as Vergina with RIA
Tina Kurata Aryan, what's your analysis tacchini Mama, oh, our
Lord, grant us this is a Quranic dua by the way, grant us from our
spouses, and our progeny, our children, grandchildren, etc,
those that will gladden our eyes
and make us the leaders of the righteous people. So you know what
the benefit day is, the other man mentioned that if you keep reading
this Quranic dua, which is very powerful, slowly, slowly, Allah
and you keep focusing on the positive and not the negative. And
I tell you this from experience that this works, Allah will either
change your spouse
to be all positive, or the negative things, you will be happy
to ignore them, they won't matter to you anymore.
They will matter to you anymore. And the positives will satisfy you
to such a degree that you will be very, you will be very happy with
them that you won't the negatives won't bother you anymore.
And I guarantee you that this works if you if you approach this
in this way with a trust in Allah.
Because if I'm bothered by somebody who does certain things.
For example, there were there were two vegetables that I could never
eat.
I could never see myself ever eating them. I would
Just never eat those vegetables. But I've started eating them
reason and I'm actually started enjoying them now.
Human beings have an ability to change. In fact, what the
psychologists will tell you about the brain is that
every 10 years couples every 10 years undergo a change. It's every
10 years they undergo change. You would be different when you're 40
From when you're 30.
Many you know based on your experiences and everything like
that