Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – #parenting What Islam Says About Parenting
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
To such a degree that somebody like Imam Al Ghazali Rahim Allah
says that humans are so he doesn't say these exact words. What he's
trying to say is that humans copy each other in such a way that
whether you like it or not, you will pick up things from others
and actions and practices and behaviors from others even without
realizing it. In fact, according to some they say you will steal
behavior from others without realizing it, you will take it on
and assimilate it. That's why sometimes you've seen husband and
wives who come from completely different families and cultures.
They've been together for years they actually start sounding the
same.
Bismillah Rahman and Rahim Al Hamdulillah.
Al hamdu Lillahi wa Salatu was Salam ala Sayidina, Muhammad vida,
de or Safi or Baraka was seldom at the Sleeman Cathedral in Iommi.
Deen, Amma bird so dear brothers and your sisters dear listeners,
dear friends nice to be in your nice grand Masjid of yours the
grand Masjid of Wolverhampton the first time I've come in here and
it was mashallah a pleasant surprise. Masha Allah, Allah
subhanaw taala bless this area, bless all our brothers and sisters
here in the community here and allow the benefit of it to go far
and wide through the format. The format of today's program is that
the topic being such a complicated topic or such a wide ranging topic
and an extensive topic, it's very difficult to cover all of this in
a short amount of time. Because bringing up children is not any
easy feat. In fact, science scientists and researchers have
been trying to find the best way that is there a replicatable way
that you can tell people that do it this way and it will be you
will have success in bringing up children is there such a way. And
they say that there is no such a way. Islam gives us particular
boundaries and laws and rules and principles that we need to stay
within. And that helps a lot. But there is so much culture that's
going to be involved in this there's going to be so much
individual
ideas and strategies and other variables that are included in
this. So clearly we can't speak about all of those things in a
short program like this. So the way we're going to do it is I'm
going to look at the Quran. First I'm going to take some verses of
the Quran and understand them first with regards to child
upbringing.
That's one then I've got a number of points that I've compiled that
I'm going to share with you just to give us some thoughts and
Inshallah, many of us will find at least some of those points
beneficial and useful. And then whatever is playing in your mind,
whatever has been a point of concern for you, then inshallah
we'll have an opportunity to discuss that. So
with that, asking Allah subhanaw taala for Baraka in our time, we
begin this this evening. This, this this night, masha Allah, and
Allah subhanho wa Taala we asked him for help. So the first and
foremost the verse that Maulana already read before we started,
which is as Allah subhana wa Tada says, Here are you Hello, Rena.
Morneau go full circle, Lee calm or people who believe protect
yourselves.
Pray protect yourselves and your families from the hellfire.
Then Allah subhanaw taala goes on to explain that, but the main
thing is that Allah is this is the order of the Quran, that if you
are a person with a family, your job my job, everybody's job is to
protect our our families.
Right, that's our job. Now how do we do that? So now there are a
number of different points of guidance that are found in the
Quran, sunnah. You see the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam only
had
the prophets of Allah Islam had sons and daughters, but all of his
sons died at a young age. So we have no example from the Prophet
sallallahu Sallam of how he did tarbiyah of his sons from a young
age or an old age we have that we have some idea with his daughters,
but we have a greater thing from the Prophet sallallahu Sallam is
how he managed to nurture the whole community of, I don't know
124,000 And more Sahaba right. So that's all of his spiritual sons.
And he's left a lot of guidance behind for us. And we could
guarantee that if anybody fulfills the Sunnah of the Prophet
sallallaahu Salam in the upbringing of their children, they
can be successful, that's for sure. So now let us see what ALLAH
SubhanA wa Tada is saying.
What happens is what's interesting about this verse that I just read
is that after Allah subhanaw taala tells us that you need to protect
yourselves and your families from the fire. Then what follows is
interesting Allah says that the fuel for that fire that I'm asking
you people to protect yourselves from the fuel of that fire people
and stones
What could you have NASA Well hey Jarrod
and then Allah says,
standing guard and protecting this fire and looking after it in
charge of this fire. Mala Iike tune Villa when she done very,
very tough angels.
The very strict very tough, very strong angels that are standing in
God lie as soon Allah humma Amara home they don't disobey Allah
subhana wa Tada in what He commands them to do. We have I
know nama you maroon and they do exactly what they've been
commanded. What I also take from here is why is Allah telling us
about the angels? What's that got to do with us?
After Allah telling us that protect yourself from that fire is
number one to say that there can be no in the hereafter if you are
being sent to the fire, there's going to be nothing you can use
that accepts the Mercy of Allah subhanaw taala because these
angels, they don't do favors for anybody. They are under the
command of Allah. The other thing it tells us is that they're not
disobedience.
They do exactly what Allah wants. And you should be like that as
well. You should be strong on this. Because really, if you're
not strong on this one issue, you have spoiled to your future.
Right, so what I want to start with is I want to say is there are
there any grant is there a grandfather here is anybody who's
got grandchildren
Okay, Mashallah. How many grandchildren do you have?
You have three, right anybody else? So you have three
grandchildren here, Mashallah. Now they are your grandchildren.
Nobody else's. They're not your brothers or sisters, they have
their own maybe these three are yours. And now we're going to be
eventually gone from this world. Those three will multiply and
there's no stopping them.
And soon there'll be three will become 10 will become 30. And
they'll have children and so on. And then in the Hereafter, when we
rise up in sha Allah on the Day of Judgment, there's this whole group
of people who are they, they all your grandchildren.
Now, I don't know if anybody's ever thought about it like that,
that you are the beginning of this major group of people that will
come from you.
Don't just think of yourself as some guy, some random guy who's
going to have a few children
because those children will continue and they will all
ultimately be connected to you.
That that's why when Allah subhanaw taala shows us dollars.
So short tells us do us in the Quran, the dewasa rugby, there's
two famous Diaz one is in circle Furqan Robina hub Luna min as well
Gina was the reality in Kurata Aryan which I'll put the key in
ima our Lord grant us from our spouses and our 30 year.
The words the real refers to descendants, not just your
immediate or your your grandchildren. He refers to your
descendants, everybody that is going to come from you until the
day of judgment you're making Allah is teaching us to make dua
for everybody.
Similarly, Ibrahim is on the other dua. Rob BGI li Mookie Masada you
I mean, the reality prop burner or the Cabildo.
Our Lord make me
an establish of the prayer.
Woman The reality and from my descendants, the Quran is teaching
us to make some really far reaching dollars. So why are you
being stingy?
We're not even thinking about how many have like genuinely speaking,
I want to make this a bit interactive. It is a bit of a late
hour, right? How many of us have ever thought about great great
grandchildren?
And a legacy that's going to get there? How many of us have ever
thought beyond grandchildren?
Anybody? You have two three people, you've actually thought
about your great, great grandchildren. What do you think?
Like what's the what was the point that you're thinking about? If you
don't mind sharing? Mashallah, that's beautiful. If you don't
think about that, and most people don't, I don't think so. Right?
Because it's too far to think. Let me just think about my own
children. And then if you have a grandchild let me think about
them. And then okay, if you do have great grandchild, then I'll
think about them but why you think about
Your great great grandchildren now. But yeah, if you are, then
you're going to get it more, right? Because you're focused on
the I can't make mistakes. Now I need to set up the environment,
and the culture in my family, such that inshallah will continue. And
believe me, if you have that right thought with the assistance of
Allah, it does carry on. You know, when you meet a lot of people,
when you meet a lot of people, there's certain people who stand
out for certain character traits, certain unlock certain very
dignified way of looking at things. And they don't have to be
orlimar, like, I've been on big hedge groups with four or five 600
people, some people just stand out. They're not trying to stand
out, they just stand out. And then you get speaking to them, and you
discover that they had some special shape, some special person
in their family who started be a can be seen, who's nurturing can
be seen.
So as I said, I've got a I've got a friend who who's a very
influential person, and he is setting up a walk. A walk means an
endowment that's going to help different feasibility law
projects, and he wants that to continue after his life. So he's
written up a whole deed,
not just to register it. But he's just like a law here.
He's written up a whole deed of how it's going to run, who the
beneficiaries are going to be, but also who's going to run it, which
means his descendants he wants he's already he's also compiled a
book of scar and our the, any of his descendants who work in this
must read these car for their own protection and blessing and
Baraka, look how far this guy is thinking.
Then if we're thinking of that focus, then we will not be
selfish. So it's not about us anymore. We're in this position
where we have children. So we need to look after that. And we need to
focus on it. So I'm so happy to hear that there are people who are
thinking on that level, the word in use used in Arabic for, for
bringing something up, nurturing something, disciplining somebody,
educating somebody, the the comprehensive term is tarbiyah.
tarbiyah is related to the word, Rob. Rob, the reason why we call
Allah Rob is because he does our tarbiyah and not just our Therby,
he does Rabbil Alameen is the Serbia of All the Worlds
everything in existence. And what Rob and tarbiyah means is not just
to create something, and then let it
deal with it on its own devices by its own devices. But it means to
literally design something, create something and then bring it up and
look after it at every level of its existence until it goes That's
what you call the rub tarbiyah is to look after something
comprehensively from beginning to end. That's what that'd be a
means.
So Allah is telling us to do tarbiyah what exactly this Therby
includes. Therapy includes multiple things. Some other ma
have argued that tarbiyah is such a comprehensive term. It's such a
rich idea that he incorporates in it, multiple worships, or multiple
good deeds. Therapy is not one single good deed. Because if I
want to nurture somebody, and to if I want to, if I want to nourish
and nurture someone, as a parent or as teacher, it's going to
include a number of things. I invite them to Allah. So I'm doing
Dawa. And you know, the virtues of Dawa the virtues of inviting
people to the path of Allah. This woman Asad Kola, Minh Mandara Illa
who are amela saleha? Who better is there than the one who calls
you know who better in statement is than the one who calls people
to Allah. When you do tarbiyah of your children, you are calling
them to Allah, they are your sadaqa jariya you're inviting them
to Allah subhanaw taala so tarbiyah includes Dawa, right,
inviting somebody to Allah. Number two, you're educating them, you're
going to teach them. The first mothers of a child is usually the
home and especially the mother they in that privileged place and
the father. You teach them the first Elif Berta, the first La
Ilaha illa Allah the first AYATUL kursi canal developed before the
Quran was robbing us the first sewers law and the basic scar into
us instead of waiting until they go to the madrasah. I want to be
selfish, I want to teach them that
rather than leave them leave somebody else to teach them they
will, they will mashallah confirm it for me and they will teach them
more but I want to start that off the first Allah that my child says
better come from me because I want that privilege. Because that's
Daddy, you call that daddy. And these are the functions of the
prophets of Allah. So the dairy and why Lim at 30 am the person
who teaches number 330 Also in
roods knows, which means advice, right? Now see her. Now see him in
pure advice, advice of goodwill. That's what it includes, when you
give somebody advice, don't do that. You shouldn't do it this
way, is better if you do it this way. And then let's see how it
comes with all of its etiquette and Adam is the art of Naseeha, we
should be done. So this advice giving not the word not, is not
just advice, it's actually a sincere approach to something
where you have a goodwill towards somebody, you do it in a way
that's sincere.
And who parents can be very jealous of others, but they can't
be jealous of their own children. I mean, if there's any parents who
are jealous of their own children, they're really messed up. Right,
you can't be jealous of your own. You know, that's your own flesh
and blood usually. Although we do have in the modern world and in
the, you know, we do have in the shaytani world, we definitely have
parents and children, they compete with one another. So Angela,
right, number number four. Another part of therapy is action itself.
Amel is doing the deed, because a lot of our teaching as parents to
our children is going to be that we do it and they follow. That is
in fact, the best way. I just listened to somebody who's done,
who's supposed to be a very, you know, very important thinker in
terms of child upbringing, non Muslim. They said, your child's
upbringing starts with you sorting your own self house. Literally,
her idea is that if the parents can sort themselves out, then your
your children will be successful.
So the success of your children, our children lie in the success of
us.
Whatever you consider success, if it's success of this world and the
hereafter in the eyes of Allah subhanaw taala. If we're doing it
right, our parents, our children will follow. We have to make some
big mistakes for our children to go elsewhere. And as if it being
careful, considerate, and it has to be organic. Our teaching of our
children should not be a range of commands, and instructions.
It should be more practice and they're following the emulation.
You sit down for food and you want to teach them sugar of Allah.
Thank Allah, you could say that way. Instead of that every time
you enjoy your meal, which is multiple times, you know, a week,
if not every day, you know what we have to thank Allah Allah, we have
to thank Allah, look how much he's given us. If you're saying that,
why would the children be ungrateful now, they would pick up
the same thing will start relating everything to Allah subhanaw
taala.
So it's Amel.
And this leads on to the next point is Therby is about being a
coder. A coder means being the role model. I just said this, even
according to non Muslim experts, the parents, they sort themselves
out they become the exemplars, the examples, the role models, the
children will follow.
Right? Allah has programmed human beings to learn more through
copying and emulation.
Right than through instruction.
It's so much easier for human beings to see somebody doing
something and they do that to such a degree that somebody like Imam
Ghazali Rahim, Allah says, that humans are so he doesn't say these
exact words. What he's trying to say is that humans copy each other
set in such a way that whether you like it or not, you will pick up
things from others and actions and practices and behaviors from
others even without realizing it. In fact, according to some they
say you will steal behavior from others without realizing it, you
will take it on and assimilate it. That's why sometimes you've seen
husband and wives who come from completely different families and
cultures. They've been together for years, they actually start
sounding the same.
Right? Because we take from one of this is just the human condition.
humans learn from one another one. That's why Why can't our children
learn from good parents? You want your children to be good? I get
questions from parents saying my child lies a lot.
So my, what should I do? I said, Well, my first question is that
how do you learn to like, Who is he looking at? Where's he learning
this wrong?
Do you if somebody comes to your door and ask and you don't want to
be known, you tell your child just say I'm not here.
Do you do that? Right. Have you lied on the phone with somebody?
Have you lied about things that it's blatant lie and everybody
knows that you think it's okay in house? And it's that I'm saying?
They just learned to do it? Should children learn to do it? The coder
that's what you call coder in Arabic, which means role modeling.
Very, very important.
Subhanallah I've seen many many families right many many families
where I know the parents and their their mashallah they're under
suna, right. They're really calm, calculated, individuals with a
piety. And their children are usually just like that. Of course,
there's genetics as well. Right? But this is even beyond genetics.
Sorry for the children. I mean, I don't understand why children are
in a bringing up children talk. So it makes my job harder. I have
this all the time, by the way, so it's okay. I'm very lucky. I hope
you understand. Don't worry, you will get a chance to ask any
questions that and if there's something I don't want you to
understand, I'll tell you, but until now, it's been simple,
right? Yeah. What's your name? Muhammad, you don't understand
something, just put your hand up. Okay. It's very difficult talking
to grandfathers and children and everybody in between at the same
time. And then, you know, not ignoring somebody I hate to ignore
the crowds, right. So, so you got that so far, right? The next point
that thermia includes so Hanalei is such a rich idea, right? And
the amount of reward you'll get just by bringing your own children
up SubhanAllah. Well, not only for the well machinima by doing
tarbiyah, you're not just benefiting your child, your child
is going to go out in the world, your children will go out in the
worlds forget going out in the world, they'll have their own
children, we just spoke about that idea. You are setting them up,
mashallah to change the community. If we develop good children,
they're going to benefit the community, all that benefit comes
back to you as a reward.
It's a huge investment. But we'd rather make more money and have
more time at work and let the iPad bringing up our children. The iPad
is the cheapest babysitter, I know it costs about three 400 pounds,
but once you have it, they they the iPad never gets tired by the
way. Especially we have plugged in then the battery doesn't even die.
And the child will be on the mashallah it's amazing. In fact,
iPad is so good. It can even babysit adults. Do you know that
the iPad can also babysit adults, even adults, when they're on
there, they can be on there for hours, no problem. Again,
children. That's how powerful it is. Right?
The guy who created it
was from a Muslim family. Steve Jobs was from a Syrian immigrants
but he lost his faith. Because his father didn't didn't do history or
properly, or whatever happened, God knows. But he's created a
martial law babysitter. That's amazing. iPad is cheaper than any
other babysitter. So yeah, it's not only for the will mister man,
this is such a rich idea that when we when we're going to produce
good children, they're going to go out in the world and change the
world. So on this, what I'm going to tell you is that you want to
make your children doctors, engineers, or whatever excites
you, whatever you think, is going to validate you, and you know,
make you give you the fame that you need to escape budget the
doctor, right? That's a big thing for a lot of people. And poor
children, if they don't become doctors, I feel sorry for that
parent is like, you know, I didn't do anything in this life. You
know, I'm a failure. Right? So don't have those kinds of crazy
ideas. I'm not saying don't make your children doctors and
engineers or whatever you want to make them. But don't be so tunnel
visions, you know what to say to them?
What's your name again?
Yeah, Muhammad, what's your name?
You want to you want to get up? You know, when you you know, when
you grow older? When you become an adult, you're going to change the
world? Do you know that you're going to benefit a lot of people?
Right, you're going to bring happiness, and you're going to be
bringing a lot of good stuff to the people. That's what you really
want to do. That's should be your goal. Do you understand that when
you grow up, you're going to be somebody that's going to make a
big difference to the world and bring happiness to a lot of people
and you're going to be a very helpful and emphatic individual
who is going to mashallah change the world for the better in any
way you can. And within that you can be a doctor.
So your ultimate goal is to change and positively contribute. And you
can do that through being a doctor or an engineer or an architect, or
whatever you want to be your big businessman, no problem, but not
just be a businessman.
Not just be a doctor, but be that that's your purpose, and you're
going to do it through this. Just raise the standards.
That's how you get enough only for the well machinima
Subhanallah
How can tarbiyah not be one of the most superior forms of actions,
right? It was the activity given to the Prophets. What was the main
job of our sudo allah sallallahu sallam? The overarching term is
starview. The Taleem comes in the test gear all of the things as
Allah subhanaw taala says who will lead the Barons the field Amina
Rasul Allah
minimum. He's the one who sent among these unelected people
beating the society NACA did not know how to read or write. Because
they did not really have schools like that to teach read and
writing. They used to just memorize stuff, they had a better
memories than us at least more practice memories, they should
just remember, so they should memorize things. So they didn't
really send children to school in those days. So that's why it was
an unlimited community like that. Right? So among them, Allah says
that he sent a messenger to them, yet to obey Him it he who then
recite the verses to them, tell them the verses that came from
Allah subhanaw taala will use a key him and he would purify them
and nurture them and discipline them. Were you Ali Muhammad Kitab
al hikmah. And he would teach them the Book and wisdom, all of that
the overarching term for all of the Disturbia.
So he's saying, How can tarbiyah be the cannot? How can tarbiyah
not be the highest form of activity when that is essentially
what the prophets was meant to do? So they said on a macro level to
do this for the whole community, our job is to at least do it with
our children. Now, why should we do this? And what will we get out
of doing this? What is some of the incentives? Human beings have been
naturally made to this way that if their children become beautiful
individuals, they feel beautiful? Most parents are like that, right?
Yes, if somebody is a criminal, and for them, if their children
become good criminals, meaning bad criminals, or as you guys would
say, sick criminals, right, sick gangsters, they truly sick. Right
in the literal sense of it. Right? If I'm confusing you, I apologize.
Right.
They would want their children to be gangsters as well, because they
caught them into the business, right? But the the overwhelming
majority of the world, they want their children to be
a source of adornment for them. That's the decoration. That's the
beautification that if somebody's children are wonderful, look, look
how happy they get. Right? Our brother there he read the Quran,
his parents must be over the moon that my child gets to read the
Quran I want. Somebody else is gonna say I want my child to do
that. Right? Why Allah tells us in social care if Alma, Louisville,
Luna, Xena will hire the duniya your wealth, and your children are
your adornments of the world. How else do you make yourself
beautiful, you need money. And children are not necessarily
money, but that's the other asset that you have to beautify
yourself.
Unfortunately, a lot of people focus on the man. So they have
children, but they work more on their wealth, to improve that and
to enhance that and to increase that rather than having beautiful
children.
We need to do both.
We can have both but never can the children be sacrificed. The Allah
is meant as mentioned that usually these two things are used as your
beautification. Your wealth is used as your will. That's how you
can show a car you have, that's what you can show that you eat
well, that you dress well. And your children SubhanAllah.
Now what does Allah What does is Allah subhanaw taala tell us in
the Quran about parenting? So Allah subhanaw taala says, what
more halacha we saw that he was obedient early learners, Luca is
Khan Naru. Zuckerberg will rip Bertoli Takua.
Command your family. So whoever's in charge, the father is in
charge. And if the mother feels she's in charge Bismillah This is
a command for you. Why not?
You want to wear the boots in the house or the trousers in the house
or however they say no problem. Everybody consider it their
responsibility. The oldest son he has some understanding, he's at
the age, he wants to be responsible. This is your
responsibility as well. So Allah is saying, command command your
family, to do prayer to observe the salah.
Allah tells us that in the Quran, command you're solid. Now you can
I when I was in America, as an imam there, we had, we are
teaching children. So from a certain community, they put their
children into the mother so
they're very secular, Shia, very secular Shia, but they were
concerned about their children's at the point. Now where teaching
the children
salah, and what breaks Allah that importance of solid and fasting
and all of that.
And the mothers coming and saying teach them about by Amber,
teach them Stories of the Prophets.
Now that's already taught but that was for the younger children who
already done that and virtual children came in later. Actually
what was going on, which was really sad, and they pull the
children out afterwards is that we were teaching the importance of
salats the children are going home and wanting to pray. And they're
asking their parents why they don't pray.
So they wanted to basically teach them in Islam of just feel good
history, but no practice.
But in the Quran, Allah is saying, command your children to pray was
still better idea. And make sure your steadfast and you persevere
over it, because it can be difficult sometimes. For example,
Allah knew that in England, we're going to have our timing of salad,
you know, from four o'clock in the morning, Fajr or 130 at night, or
whichever opinion you follow to, you know, up to 738 o'clock in the
morning, you're not going to be is gonna go from four o'clock in the
in the winter to 930 at night Subhanallah you better be patient
and persevere, because that is a secret in doing that. So what's
your name again? Binyamin? Why do you pray? Why should we pray?
What's your name?
Yeah, yeah. You have special.
Musa, your Musa? Masha Allah. So Musa, do you have a color?
An auntie,
that she gives you a lot of stuff. Right? Everybody has an anti like
that? I mean, if he didn't have one, I feel sorry for him. Right?
Everybody? You have an anti like that as well. Right? Everybody?
Does. Allah bless these anti Israel. Right? So if you go to a
house next time, right? And you she she's expecting you to greet
her and to hug her and everything like that. But instead of that you
completely ignore her. And you go to your cousin's room and you
start playing on the computer, would she be happy with you?
Would she like to give you anything afterwards? But Isn't it
bad and disrespectful and ungrateful to do that to her? So
as our What's your name?
As Ibrahim says, that Allah has created us, He's given us all of
these great things and so on. So he just wants us when we pray to
Him, we're thanking him. So we pray to Allah to thank him. That's
why we pray now. See why it's important. Right? Because if we
don't we just ungrateful he gave us all of this and we're just
using it for free and not even thinking. That's the way Allah
wants us to thank him.
So
Salah can be tough sometimes, but what Allah has given us is very
valuable. So what's the big idea? You make sure you're regular on
it. When our children see our being regular on it. We're
traveling somewhere we stopped to read in one of the service
stations even if it's raining, they're going to see well that's
important must be important.
We just have to show them through that and they'll pick it up
inshallah.
Learners Oh, Luca is going Allah says we're not asking you to
provide us any kind of provisions and sustenance National Zoo cook
our job is to provide you will do that. We take care of you. You
just do your worship will keep giving you your food and
everything that you need. You just make sure that you pray. But now
people will miss their prayer to do some extra business to take
that if you're an Uber driver to take that additional ride.
Because it's a long ride. I'm going to miss my Marguerite been
there but you know what? I don't get these. Birmingham rides all
the time. Right? I've made my money in that one hour, you know,
Allah protect us. Well, I'll keep it to the taqwa. And remember, the
bright ending, the wonderful ending is if you're conscious of
Allah, that's going to be your best ending.
It's going to be your best ending. So that's that's what we've been
told to do. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala mentioned that do I
mentioned earlier? Well, Lavina Kowloon. So this is a dua for
parents and Allah is saying that the righteous people, the
righteous slaves of Allah, they actually make this dua regularly.
What bene herbelin I mean as Vergina was a re Tina Kurata Yun
was your little 13 Ema. So if somebody's been doing this, now
remember in Islam, we don't believe in empty doors. Doors are
not magic. Dua is a worship.
And Allah says in Allahu Allah, you remove your home in Hatha Yoga
Yiruma B and fusi him Allah doesn't change the condition of a
people until they make an effort in other words, so you can't just
be doing dua
right? There's a lot of people I hear from them that they're having
a tough life right? Oh, I've been doing this do that do I you know
what, you've made a lot of bad choices in life that's why you
that's why you are where you are. Dua itself is not enough. Do is a
Waseda dua is essentially a means and additional means to the action
that you do.
When you survive a Saddam got stuck in that room with
zuleikha Was that right? Zuleika he didn't just stand there knowing
that the doors are locked. Where do I go? Let me just stand here I
got an I can't do anything. Let me just pray to Allah. No, he ran to
the door, even though he knew the doors locked and so on that Allah
Tala had it open to him.
We have to make an effort, then Allah gives you you may suffer but
then Allah subhanaw taala gives you so making an effort is very,
very important. So Allah says that those who say that our Lord grant
us from our spouses, and our descendants, those who will be the
gladness of our eyes, not just in this world, but insha Allah when
you rise on the day of judgment, and you'll see those hundreds of
people, they will all be your descendants, and they'll, they
they would have done some good deeds and you will go Inshallah,
into Paradise, and there'll be the gladness of your eyes and make us
the Imams of the righteous ones,
which are a little more Tokina, Ema and make us go make us Imams
make us leaders, you know, the Imam of the masjid make us leaders
of righteous ones. And as a parent, I lead my household has a
mother and father I lead my household. So make them righteous
and make me the Imam of them. So we're literally saying oh Allah
make my children righteous, make my family righteous and make me
the Imam of them. The Imam better be righteous as well.
Beautiful the way Allah subhanaw taala mentioned this thereafter
that just
there's
some other advices that Allah subhanaw taala gives for children
in the words of Look man, Ali's Look man, right that in the wise
one the sage. So Allah refer in chapter 31 Verse short Look, man,
verse 13. What if called a local man who Livni he will who are
either who yeah buena yella to shake villa in the shed colossal
manavi. So I'll just quickly go through is to get the advices from
this. The first thing Allah says that remember when Luqman said to
his son, Satan, adequan said to his son while he was advising him,
so I just mentioned that tarbiyah is includes advice, my son, my
beloved son led to shriek beloved, don't make any partners with
Allah.
So because making a partner with Allah is a huge oppression of big
wrong that is because Allah gave you created you and now you're
saying that somebody else like Allah, that's worthy of your
worship. That's completely wrong right?
Now you think his son was going to do shit?
I think why we were being told this is that it's your job to
protect your children from deviating. They better be pure
monotheist pure worshippers of the oneness. worshipers of Allah and
believers in the Oneness of Allah subhana wa Tada. And today there
are so many things to distract us and to take children away into
Atheism and agnosticism and, and rejection of Allah subhanaw taala.
So this is a job for us that we better be focused on this. Number
two,
Allah says, in Verse 14, what was seen in Santa bydd, he hemella,
two or more one, another one. Now this one is about children. This
is actually telling children that you better respect your parents
and you better obey them and you better be nice to your parents,
because your parents have suffered a lot for you, especially your
mother. Right and your mother bought him weakness upon weakness,
she went through so many difficulties when we were that
small embryo in the stomach. And then after that, she fed us and
nursed us for two years.
And then Allah says, I want you to give thanks to them and to me,
give Thanks to ALLAH but give thanks to Him because you know,
our parents, they are the second in command after Allah subhanaw
taala we owe our creation to Allah. And then who's the second
group of people we owe our coming into this world. Our parents
because we come through our parents, right? We didn't have our
parents wouldn't be in this world. Then after Allah subhanaw taala
says, we're in jail Hidaka. If your parents though we're making
them really important. If your parents, if they strive to make
you ascribe a partner to me, of which you have no knowledge than
obey them not, you can't put your parents above me I have to come
first. Consult with them in the world in a kindly manner though,
even if they're non Muslim, you still have to be nice to them.
Right and follow the way of those who turn in repentance unto me
then unto me you will return and I shall inform you of that which you
used to do, which basically tells us that Allah is watching
everything and he's recording everything. Then Allah subhanaw
taala says it goes back to Luke Manali salaam saying you're gonna
hear in the intercom is called a habit even harder. Feta coffee
Sahara. Oh, his summer word. Oh, Phil. Yeah, TB Hala in Allahu
Latif and hubby. How powerful
Learn how knowledgeable is Allah. Allah says, Luke one Satan Luqman
Ali Salam said, Oh my son, if it was even the weight of a mustard
seed,
and it was in a rock,
right in the heavens or on the earth, Allah can bring it forward.
Meaning if you try to hide something even as small as a
mustard seed in the middle of a rock, either on the moon or on
Mars or wherever Allah can still bring it to you. That's how much
he knows everything. Have you guys, you know, in your garden,
sometimes you pick up a rock, and there's a centipede down there.
Have you ever seen one of those little creepy crawlies? Do you
know that? Did you know it was there before you picked up that
stone?
Right now, right? Do you know that? How many of those do you
think exist in the world? Those little, those little ones? How
many do you think exist in the world?
Right?
I mean, a billion, I mean, probably billions, right? Do you
know that Allah can hear every single one of them at one time,
you can hear all of them at one time, he knows where each one is.
We didn't even know the one that was in our back garden.
That's what he's trying to say that that's how much Allah knows
you can never escape Allah. That's why don't try to think that Allah
is not watching me. Develop a love with ALLAH, so that you always do
what he wants us to do. Right? That's essentially what this is
saying to us. And then again, look, one season I look my son
says, Yeah, Bucha Yeah, okay, me solid motor below my roof. My son
established the prayer, and what motor Bill Maher have enjoined
rights and forbid, wrong, one hand in one car whenever you're in your
class, whenever you are anywhere. And again, we have to teach our
children to be principled individuals. What this is saying
is that teach your children principles, how will our children
go out, when they grow up and be able to make a difference in this
world, if they're principle individuals, if they are no
principles, and they've been brought up by social media,
whatever goes, then there'll be manipulated in this world,
that the major capitalist firms and governments don't like people
who principles because you can't sway them.
You can't manipulate them, you can't get them to take on the next
product, or by the next, or take up the next trend, or just agree
with the next law. These are people a principle, they don't
mess around. They know what they stand for. We need to be people a
principle. And it's something that has been lost. Because we live in
a individualism time, you know, before,
if you were from a certain village, that whole village, that
whole area had the same principles. Everybody thought
alike. So if your son or your daughter was found in another, you
know, in a, in another street, you'd be you'd be fine. Because
everybody had the same principles, they would probably tell them off
in the same way as you everybody was a parent to the community.
Right? Everybody is a father to everybody, everybody else's
children.
Now, you find it difficult to find parents and children think like
this, so many battles going on in families where they want their
children to marry a certain person of their, you know, liking, and
it's just, they don't see eye to eye.
You didn't do therapy properly. You didn't come down to their
level, you didn't bring them up to your level, there was no common
theme. And now when it comes when they're 25 years old, you want
them to marry somebody that you want. Whereas you never thought
about before.
Right? Where you didn't understand what they want. And they you
didn't get them to understand what you want. And then you met
somewhere in between. You just bring it up now. And then you say
you better way otherwise, you know, you're disobeying Islam and
you make it an Islamic thing. Right? You mess up your children
that way.
They come up with traumas that way. We need to so for example,
if a child is out there, his parents aren't there. And he's
been given a choice to do something good or bad. What should
they be thinking? If we've trained them well enough, they're not just
going to think about their own selfish motives. They're gonna
think about their family, that I represent my family. Because we've
told them that you are a Han, you can't do that. You're a manga. You
can't do that. You're a Muslim. We don't do this thing.
Suddenly, they're thinking Muslims can't do this. Not just I can't do
this. No, no, I can.
Because their own Caprice takes them over. But if you have to
worry about everybody, that you're a member of this bigger idea, then
you have a lot more careful. That's what it used to be before
but we've lost that now. Everybody's individual, they can
do what they want. They don't care. Girls are asking like, why
are we? You know what, why? Why do our parents are so strict on us
about where we go and how we dress? It's about honor. Yeah,
yeah. Okay.
It's about honor. But we've never taught them that honor. And bring,
you know, brought it together in the proper way. So perform the
prayer enjoined rights and forbid, wrong and bear patiently, whatever
may befall you, you have to have somewhere we have to teach our
children resilience. That's what he's teaching, you know, we don't
teach them any resilience. We mollycoddle them.
We will buy white bread, bleached white bread, cut off the edges,
and then feed them the white parts, because you know the edges,
they might hurt your throat. We don't teach them any kind of
strength and resilience. I'm not saying everybody does that.
But it's very important for us to teach them resilience that this
world is full of difficulties.
Let them deal with it.
You know, in a controlled environment, let them deal with
difficulties. Difficulties make you stronger. Challenges make you
much more fortified in the way you deal with things. And subhanAllah.
Just because the law says that you become an adult when you're 18. We
don't even think of our children as adults, even though they become
valid. And in other countries, you got 1213 year olds who are looking
after their father's business, and this guy who's 1820, he's going to
mashallah destroy your business. He's going to do parties with his
friends. You put him in your shop one day, mashallah you is going to
mess it up.
Because we've just lowered this esteem this idea, right, maturity
levels are getting, you know, so I tell I tell children, I tell
parents that yes, we are sometimes much more strict on our daughters
and sons and we let our daughters sorry, our sons get away with a
lot more. And that's why a lot of women a lot of girls actually
feeling really upset about this. There was a case recently, just a
few weeks ago, somebody he was called to talk to somebody's
daughter because she's thinking of converting to a boy.
It's like, why do you want to do that said because my brothers get
treated much better than I do.
This is what you're doing. This is what people are doing to to create
these kinds of ideas.
We have our 1718 year olds, a guest will come at the door
doesn't know how to talk to the guest. So Google will open the
desert here.
He has some concern with ECAM how are you? You know, sorry, my dad
is in here. But can I do something? Can I give him a
message? Would you like to come in? Is there anything I can help
you with?
Not too many of them. Don't know how to tighten the screws.
Right? How to put in a plug, how to pay a bill.
They just don't they're fortnight's. They're just playing
that's what they do.
Know life skills.
So
what's as Allah subhanho wa Taala says that what's better Allah ma
Saba when you have difficulties deal with them in 30 Communism or
more this is indeed a course worthy of resolve this is this is
how we teach them resolve they become. And then finally Allah
subhanaw taala says two more things. Well, to start in the
Quran as you will attempt to fill out the Maha in Allahu Allah, your
head bucola Mata and in the hood, and turn not your cheek at men in
scone, which means that Don't be one of those who disdain people
who look badly towards people and look down upon people and think
you're better than everybody else. Don't be arrogant. Don't be a show
off. Even though you got good clothes or whatever you have.
Right? No walk exultantly upon the earth. Now that might be a
difficult word for some our children to follow. Don't work
showing off and proud and arrogant as though you own the world when
you work. Have you seen some of these guys work and they think
they're it?
You know, don't work like that be humble. Because that Earth is
going to speak up on the day of judgment and say that this guy
walked on me arrogantly and we're going to get in trouble. We don't
want to do that. Right because Allah does not like the vain
glorious boaster, he doesn't like people who boast like that. And
then Allah says, Walk sit V Machig the moderate in your peace, walk
calmly walk dog means so thick and lower your voice don't go around
shouting around.
Essentially teaching us to teach our children that to be decent
civil citizens, decent individuals and lower your voice. Truly the
most ugliest of voices are those of asses don't sound like like a
donkey basically. Don't make bad sounds.
So there you go. This is what Allah subhanaw taala tells us.
This is what Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us, right I'm gonna
just finish off and then open it up to questions if you have any
simple thing is this.
We can't push this on our children they have to see that as an
environment and then they will take this on
So I'll just give you two quick examples about this.
While we were teaching, I used to teach the older boys in this
particular Masjid another country and my wife used to teach the
younger boys up to the age of 10 or something. So suddenly we had
two new children who are Muslim, Muslim family, Arab Muslim family,
probably seven, eight years old, they've never gone to Madras or
before. So now mashallah they came to the classes and my wife on that
day or the next day she was talking about Allah describing
Allah, Allah is the Greatest, he is the greatest, he is the most
powerful. He can do anything that he wants, nobody can stand in
front of him. He can beat anybody. Suddenly, you know what one of
those Charles said? He said, Power Rangers.
He thought that this description is about Power Rangers.
Why did he think that? Why do you think he thinks thought that?
Because in his mind, the only
people or entities that he thought could do all of this were Power
Rangers with the strongest people he knew he didn't know about
Allah.
Even though he's wrong with some family. Would you say that the
Power Rangers are stronger than everybody else?
In Korea, Incredible Hulk. No.
Okay, another kid who is half the age 434 years old. They went to
the ocean once and he saw Have you been to the ocean? So a huge
amount of water with the waves coming in massive?
Or some mighty?
Nobody asked him anything. He just suddenly says, Allah created this.
Why did he say that?
Because he's been taught from a young age about the might of
Allah. He's recognized Allah. So when he saw this, you know, so no
human can create this. Only Allah can create this. Can you see what
tarbiyah does? Give you one more example, right? There's a seven or
eight year seven or eight year old girl.
Her brothers two years older. A few years older, he had to go to
the optician. And the optician said that you need glasses. Sets.
He needs glasses, right? So when he came home, the sister younger
than him started making fun of him. You're gonna wear glasses. So
the mother said to the younger sister that don't make fun of him.
Because your dad has glasses. Your mom has glasses. Your older
brother has glasses. Now you're gonna need glasses as well,
because he probably runs in the family.
Right?
So that's it, then no more was said 10 years later, she's 18 now.
And then she tells everybody because she has younger brothers
or sisters that and who have glasses Well, or who need glasses,
but she doesn't need so the whole family now needs glasses except
her. Why not?
Why doesn't she have glasses? Everybody else has glasses older
and younger. She told everybody 10 years later that you know mom,
when you said that you're going to have to have glasses when I
started praying to Allah making dua to Allah. Ya Allah, I don't
want glasses.
I don't want glasses.
And she never got glasses. Now the question I want to ask you is that
who taught her to make dua?
Who taught her to think, Okay, who can help me with this? Who can
stop me from having glasses? Must be Allah, let me ask you.
How did she get to that level? Because clearly, there's been
Stories of the Prophets that have been mentioned stories of the
Sahaba how Allah has come to the assistance when you asked him, so
that's where she used.
Maybe the mother at this point should have sort of prayed to
Allah, he didn't, but because they had mentioned it before he worked.
So that's why I'm saying that if you want to have good children, we
need to be the we need to have this instilled not as instruction,
but emulation by copying by showcasing and insha Allah then
Allah subhanaw taala will make it easy.
That's all I'm gonna say today. And we'll open it up to you for
any questions that you have.
Looking after the daughter that's gonna go to a school where this
fit in and then just go with her and sit with her in the class.
That's the only way to save her.
No, no, no. So you can't do that, obviously. So these are not easy
questions. This is a big challenge for a lot of us. So look, one
thing is that if we've done therapy properly of our children
from a young age, they know their boundaries, they have principles,
and then we continue to support so what I would tell parents is that
if that's the only place you can send them, right, is that you have
to reiterate and warn and prepare. So as a parent, we have to have
mentioned look, there will be people who will come to you so I
would tell the girl that look. You know you're 12
years old, maybe you've been to an Islamic school until now. Now
you're going to a secondary school. There's no other option,
maybe you know, whatever it is, right? Some people find themselves
in that there's going to be guys who will come and they'll smile at
you and say that, Hey, you look really pretty. How you somehow
what would you say?
Because imagine a young girl, right? And everybody's taking
pictures. We're living in a generation that nobody's ever
taken so much pictures of themselves, and looked at what
they look like, several times a day in our whole entire human
history. We do that today through your phone. Because you've got a
mirror on the meaning of camera. You don't just look at your so you
actually, there's people who take several pictures a day of
themselves, just so that it's, you know, they remember what they look
like every minute of the day. Right? Just crazy.
Then they
just absolutely vain, vain vanity. That's just crazy, right?
So that's the first thing, pre one of issues. And then after that,
you have to, you know, every day, every few days, you discuss what's
going on in school? What are the challenges? The way I would say
is? Do you have girls in your class that have boyfriends? I
would say do you, you know, like do you have now let's see how they
respond to that. And then you have to help in that regard. Find out
who the who the friends are, I believe you need to send them to
the best school, the best schools don't have time to mess around.
Even non Muslim schools, if you don't have access to a good Muslim
school, a non Muslim solid school, they don't give them time to mess
around.
The best schools are those that don't allow mobile phones,
right, that give a lot of homework,
that those places usually don't have time for other things,
children don't have time to waste. And everybody's they're serious.
Gonna start. So there's a lot of these factors and a lot of a lot
of constant watchfulness of what's going on an earlier intervention
than later, once something develops after they gets more
difficult. And then the phone is going to be the biggest fifth nine
that I wish I could give a more comprehensive answer. But I'm just
giving you ideas that it needs to be ever watchfulness and see if
you can get together with other parents who are in the same class,
you know, have parents of girls in the same class, we have to do this
with our boys, as well as it's not about girls that you know, we
waste the boys, but it's about both, right. So that's very
important. You know, the most difficult children are the close
books, which means they don't reveal anything. They're doing
stuff in their own mind that they just don't reveal anything, then
what i My experience is that
it's too late by the time the problem comes about. So you have
to be even more careful about that. And if you can't get through
to your son or daughter, because they just close books, and go find
a friend of theirs who might be able to talk to them find that one
of their aunties that they may, because sometimes there's a wall
that is created between parent and child. So find an uncle or an aunt
or an older cousin or sister or somebody that can speak to them
and find out what's there. You know, are you being too strict?
One of the biggest challenges is that sometimes you in your entire
family may be the only one who is practicing.
They go to their cousin's house, their cousins are allowed to do
whatever they want.
That is the most difficult one.
Because you can't cut off from your cousins, either. How would
you give the fortitude and the strength and the confidence
for your our own children in that to stay with them? Because most
people aren't leaders, they just follow us.
That makes it even more difficult. I don't have the answers. I wish I
had the answers to all of these things. But at least we can focus
on this. So you have to be with your roses, but you just minimize
that. You still be with your relatives you don't want to cut
away from and then you try to influence you try to have them
come to your house instead. Be very careful with teenagers going
to their relatives. They say that the first encounters they have
haram encounters is usually with cousins. So they say sleepovers
very, very dangerous. sleepovers are very late unless you know that
the parents ever watchful. This is where most of the Haram begins.
This is study that shows that Muslims and non Muslims yes,
you're talking about mobile phones of wrenches, both in terms of
obviously people friends on mobile, as well.
Firstly, you need to try to delay the mobile phone as far as
possible.
The longer you can wait comfortably without going, you
know, completely messed up. That's the best. So we
in some cases, you won't be able to avoid it. Like for example, if
there is a child who all of their friends have phones and she
doesn't or he
doesn't that's gonna be tough.
So then sometimes you just have to give them boundaries, parental
controls,
and say okay, you can have the phone but I need to be able to
check it whenever. So you have to be aware of what they're who their
friends are on the phone especially. And you have to curate
it right to the best of your ability the longer you can keep it
the better though. seen kids who used to read books soon as they
get a phone they don't read any books anymore because the phone
just keeps you busy.
I wish I had a you know a magic pill they just don't it's just one
of everybody suffering with this. Yes, not going to force you mana
has stood up as well. The food is probably waiting a lot of men and
women because they don't do a lot
with the kind of study following the manual and then he learned the
Socratic in local nominal one. He does a lot more in
the fall. Yeah, yes. Yeah, I feel we have Salone Yeah, Latif, yeah,
the jewelry with the Quran. Allah, Allah, Allah Allah protect us.
Allah bless us all. We ask you for your special generosity and your
mercy and your kindness of Allah, your Rockman of Allah, your
forgiveness of Allah, your protection and your cover,
especially for our children and our descendants until the Day of
Judgment, that you keep Islam still you keep Islam in their
hearts, you keep them steadfast on the sun of your messenger Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wa salam, O Allah, that you protect us and
grant us resilience and immunity from all of these challenges which
are out there. Oh Allah, we are praying to you because you've told
us to ask you of Allah. We you hear our cries and our pleas of
Allah, we ask you on behalf of everyone here and all those who
are listening, that you protect us and the entire Muslim community of
Allah, you protect us from seeing a bad time, especially with our
children. How Allah that you accept this coming here together,
that you accept this, the this program, all of those who have
made an effort to, to allow this program to happen to organize it
for Allah bless everybody, oh Allah bless everybody allow this
message to prosper, and to go from strength to strength, and to do to
do to accept all of the work that they do do and allow them to do
even more and remove any obstacles from their path. And Oh Allah, Oh
Allah, protect them from all the evil witches out there. And all of
us, Oh Allah, all of our projects, accept them. And oh Allah allow us
to do that which is good that which is beneficial our brothers
and sisters who are suffering in the different parts of us,
especially in Palestine and huzzah Allah grant them their freedom.
And Allah granting them the dignity and the honor ground in
their relief. Oh Allah, those who died, accept them as martyrs,
those who are injured Oh Allah grant them recovery. Our law
Grandin, resilience and steadfastness and our law allow us
to do that which is practical, beneficial, functional and useful,
and are Allah Oh Allah, Oh Allah, you have given us so much and we
don't even thank you enough. You have given us more than so many
others. In this world of security, you have given us the safety you
have given us the access to the various different opportunities
that you have given us. Oh Allah do not allow us to squander this
of Allah do not allow us to waste this do not allow us to fall into
the mischief of money and the mischief of wealth and Allah allow
us to use whatever resources you have given us not to become a
burden against us. But our Allah to be a true embellishment for us
in this world and the hereafter of Allah make our children a serious,
a beautiful embellishment for us both in this world and the
Hereafter, so cannot be capitalized at your mercy for No,
salam, Marcelino Al Hamdulillah Europa.
The point of a lecture is to encourage people to act to get
further and inspiration and encouragement, persuasion. The
next step is to actually start learning seriously to read books
to take on a subject of Islam and to understand all the subjects of
Islam at least at the basic level, so that we can become more aware
of what our brain wants from us. And that's why we started Rayyan
courses so that you can actually take organize lectures on demand
whenever you have free time, especially for example, the
Islamic essentials course that we have on the Islamic essentials
certificate, which you take 20 Short modules and at the end of
that inshallah you will have gotten the basics of most of the
most important topics in Islam and you'll feel a lot more confident.
You don't have to leave lectures behind you can continue to live,
you know, to listen to lectures, but you need to have this more
sustained study as well to Zack Allah here in Santa Monica.