Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Narcissism and the Delusion of Having Much
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Bismillah
Alhamdulillah
wa salatu salam ala see the mausoleum while he was Safi abou
Rocco was seldom at the Sleeman caphyon
laomi been a mother
called a load with the Volvo a data GT one for Khan Academy
un Levina staring at somebody or Salah in Allah Now Saudi recall
the Tida want to go to MobileMe. So there's a lot going on.
My dear respected friends,
the respected Brothers Sisters
the topic for today is a very interesting words, which you saw,
says narcissism, it's not a word we use every day.
Another word that we use everyday for this idea is called.
In Arabic, it's called Arrojo.
And other words,
self
conceit, these are other words, but
while the words seem to be very strange words, and we're not used
to these words, but we will probably be very
understanding of the idea itself.
Allah subhanaw taala gives us many, many bounties and he gives
us many gifts, and hamdulillah living in the West, especially in
countries like Norway and the UK. There are generally the three
things which Allah the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
mentioned in the Hadith, that if a person gets up in the morning, and
he has these three different bounties, three different gifts
from Allah subhanho wa taala, that it is as if he has been given the
entire world.
What are these three things? Number one, if you get up in the
morning and you have security,
you don't have bars on your windows. You're not feeling
threatened that somebody's gonna bomb you or rob you.
This is a reality it sounds that in Oslo, this is not going to
happen.
Maybe robbing Allah protect but but bombing you that just sounds
so far away, and may Allah keep it far away. But for other countries,
it's a reality.
It's a reality.
We can walk outside, it's cold. But we're not going to feel like
we're just gonna get robbed. We can leave our car. We're not I
have lived in a country where I would park the car, we would go to
the supermarkets, we would come back outside. And if the car was
still there, I would literally say I'm hungry.
Not because I do a lot of sugar. But because if your car was still
there, and you're very lucky, this was in South Africa.
I'm not joking about this. To get into my house, there was an
outside gate. Then there was another gate to put the car into.
Then there was a metal door. Then there was a normal door and then
when you shut everything up inside, and you come inside and
there's nobody inside the house, then you sell 100 Lug inside.
Crazy, but such a beautiful country.
The weather is better than here, the fruits are better than yours.
Everything is messy, just crying. My friends, they they can't let
their children go to the local store to buy something because
they could get mugged. So no security
if you get up in the morning and you have security number one and
number two, you have health
you have health care. Alhamdulillah most of us we get
good nutritious food, we have access to good food from around
the world. Right including mangoes from Pakistan, I'm assuming
which is a must.
When you season at least
you have healthcare.
So help you have hamdulillah that's number two and number
three, as long as you have your daily food,
food for the day for yourself and your family. The Prophet
sallallahu sallam said if you get up in the morning with security,
with health and with your daily food, it is as if you've been
given the entire world.
What more do you need? What more do you need for the day for today
than tomorrow is the same the next day is the same. What else do you
need?
I need my safety. I need my health.
And I need my food, my nourishment, sustenance and if you
have that you've been given the entire world.
So that's a great thing which is we should
You shook and thank Allah subhanho wa Taala for. But there's another
problem with this. When we start getting too much, and we start
feeling comfortable in this world.
Studies show that people stagnate when there's too much order. This
is getting a bit maybe complicated. But when everything
is so orderly, so functional, then people stagnates. They don't
develop, they don't get better. Sometimes you need chaos, for
people to rethink, and try to get even better. They say that a lot
of the time improvement comes after chaos. How many people are
out there who used to work for others, they lost their job,
created chaos in their lives. And then they started something new
and they invented or innovated or became a different company.
It doesn't happen to everybody, but it's the way you perceive
these things.
So now, what happens is that when we get to confidence about what we
have, we start feeling self confidence. We start feeling self
reliance. We start believing in ourselves more than anybody else.
Then we start disregarding Allah, when everything is coming to you
everyday so easily.
It's very difficult than to thank Allah unless the heart is still
there. But the heart gets caught up in the worldly goods. That is
why generally if you look at the prophets, the MBR the masala dosa
Rasul the Russell, when they will come there first believers would
be the poor people would be the downtrodden people would be the
oppressed people. Allah says in the Quran
about new Hadees salaam, when he was inviting his people, they
said, a nuke mula Cava debacle out of the Loon, should we believe in
you when it's the low class? The other? The inferior people, they
followed you? How can we follow you as though it's a class system?
This is your club is for the poor? It's not for us, we have a
different club.
And you know, what's really surprising is that in some Muslim
countries, this
class system exists Alhamdulillah in the West, it doesn't. In
Norway, in England, you've got the wealthy, influential Muslims, and
they're not so well off. They both pray together. And they both feel
religion is this the religious ones. Among both communities, you
have people who are not so religious. But I don't want to
mention names, but you may be able to understand in some countries,
my son goes to university, a good university in London.
And as many UK born Muslim students, they're from Indian,
Pakistani Somali background. Very religious women with hijab.
Brothers with beards, praying, looking for the prayer room in the
university. You got Muslim students coming from Muslim
countries, and they are shocked. They are surprised that you guys
who are our ideal, we would love to be like you. And these are the
elite from those countries. Because you know, for foreigners
to come and study in the UK, the fees are like three times the
amount, so it's only the the top cream. And they're totally
surprised that these people aren't religious. Because in our country,
they say religion is for the low class. It's not for our class, I'm
sure you will be able to understand if you can relate to
this. They totally surprised how come you know we have to pay so
much to come here. You guys are born here you are UK, London. And
you guys are religious, they totally surprised. And this is
what you call the harm of culture.
When a culture is of a certain way, it's very difficult to come
out of that culture. Everybody starts thinking in the same way.
Cultures, if they change, people have more of an option. Because
there's very few people who are willing to go against the culture,
even if they know inside their heart is wrong, what the culture
is saying.
But that's a different point. Maybe we'll deal with that more
tonight in today's tonight's program, which is a bit of a
different issue. Let's get back to narcissism. So the main thing here
is that when Allah has given us so many bounties the same bounties
can become a fitna
once in Hajj
in the group, there was one brother who
was you could tell he was very settled. Very clever, very smart.
He will always be the first on the bus he will have the best position
everywhere in Mina he had the he thought he had the best place to
sleep because you know if you've been for hygiene, you go to
minimum you have to then find your right spot. And if you don't get
the right spot depends on where you're next to close to the door
wherever. So I observed all this because I go for quite a you know
nearly every year so I you can tell it right there.
Some people really a lot of help. Some people are very savvy. This
guy very savvy, I was watching him. One day I sat with him. And
he said to me, You know what, Allah loves me. I said, mashallah,
that's wonderful. Allah loves you. I said, he says, because look, I
always get everything first.
Now, the thing is that just because you get everything first,
you have the best job, you have the best
spouse, you have the best car. That is no proof at all, that
Allah loves you. This is the dunya and that the prophets of Allah
Islam has said that
this dunya low 30 During the Allahu Jalla Baroda, Masako
Caffee, Ramona shamatha.
If this world had any value, intrinsic value of
long term value, then
if he had even as much value as the winner of a flyer or mosquito,
that Allah would not have given a disbeliever even some water to
drink. But this is just a testing place. This is not the end all of
us. This is not our ultimate vision, this world. We live in
this world we use the world we benefit from this world, but it's
for investment for the hereafter.
So
just because you're getting more of the dunya and I feel this all
the time because we have a concept in Islam called STD Raj, which
basically means that if you're getting more dunya and mashallah
everything is having you're getting a promotion at work and
mashallah, everything is just going so right. But you actually
feel yourself for not getting closer to Allah, but actually
further from Allah and that is not a blessing from Allah. That is his
word for it's called twisted Raj which is what they say in English
Allah giving you a rope okay do a bit more do a bit more than that
when we when we take you to task when we seize you then it will be
very bad. Let him go let it is acting like this. Okay, let them
do it, then we'll show them one way. Allah protect us, that is the
sign. So when we have all of these things, mashallah, what starts
happening is we feel self reliant, we then start feeling better than
others. So the concept of narcissism in Arabic is called
origin. Another word is conceit. This is different from Kippur in
Arabic is another word called Kiba. Or arrogance,
arrogance, pride, arrogance and pride, which is kibble is
different from Raju.
Rajoub is when you just feel yourself to be superior.
You're not necessarily comparing yourself to others. You just feel
like the best.
Just the best, very soon, that will lead us to start feeling way
better than others and looking down upon others that becomes even
worse than
looking down upon others.
Now, don't get me wrong here. One clarification, is the Sahaba who
came to the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam and he said the
honest will Allah
I like everything of mine to be beautiful and nice.
My clothing, even the straps on my sandals, I like them to be the
best.
And you've seen how much handsomeness Allah has given me as
well.
Is this arrogance? The boys have said no, that's not arrogance.
Arrogance is when you reject the truth, you're not willing to
accept the truth because you're so arrogant. I must be right. Just
remember, no human can always be right.
No human can always be right, except the profits, because they
have divine protection, reasonable and guidance. Otherwise, everybody
makes mistakes. And we have to acknowledge that I could make a
mistake.
Even the biggest island of this world makes mistakes.
It's whether we recognize it or not, is the question.
Nobody's perfect. So
when we start thinking that I have everything, and you reject the
truth, you're not willing to accept the truth.
Imam Shafi refer to Allah he was a scholar. And sometimes they would
have scholarly debates. And his dua was always that I wish the
truth will become clear on the tongue of my opponent. I just want
the truth to manifest.
If it becomes on my tongue, maybe he will not accept it. But if it
becomes manifest on his tongue, then I'm willing to accept that so
truth will prevail.
That's a very difficult thing to think about all the time. You
know, look at husband wife relationships. When you have
arguments. The husband always thinks he's right. And the wife
always thinks she's right.
This is where you get the conflict. But if each of the
couple can understand two things, number one that we are weak and we
can make mistakes
And my partner can make mistakes. And then we can they're not
perfect. They're not a princess, they're not a prince. Right?
Because even Prince and princesses make mistakes,
then they can deal with that conflict.
So our job is self conceit. That's why this is the way the scholars
have defined it. I'll give you the scholarly definition of Gnosticism
is for somebody to deem His blessings as tremendous. And then
to rely on his blessings. Whatever Allah has given you,
for example,
do you remember when you bought a new phone?
A really nice one or a new?
A new one you get inside and you see somebody watching you? How do
you feel?
It makes that there's a there's a feeling isn't that some people?
For them, it's all the same. It's like to have be in a Rolls Royce
is like water. Very few people are the rest of us, we buy a Mercedes,
we buy a nice car, Tesla, whatever, suddenly, you're gonna
start feeling like people are watching me and then there's a
smirk on the face. Right? That's where you have to be careful. How
do you deal with that?
I felt this as well. How do you deal with it? The way you deal is
that immediately you think Alhamdulillah I have this is
because of Allah, I have this that will remove all the smugness
if people are going to praise you Let them praise you. But let it
not get to our hearts. You can't stop people from praising you,
they will appreciate it, they embrace you. That's not a problem.
But let that not get to our eyes. If Allah has given me something,
whether it be position, I become the committee member, the
president of the masjid, promotion, at work, whatever
Alhamdulillah this is because of Allah, just return everything to
Allah. Because when we don't do that, and we feel that we got it
because of ourselves, because of my quality, and who gave you the
quality. That's why he says, our job is for someone to deem His
blessings are so tremendous. And then to rely on them, while
forgetting to attribute it to the giver of it. Who is Allah subhanaw
taala.
I can say that here, because everybody here is a movement.
You've come for Friday prayer, because you just sacrifice your
work time, you've taken time off, because you know that you're doing
this for the sake of Allah, you are believers. And you should
thank Allah for that. If I was speaking to a non Muslim crowd, I
would explain this differently. But here we have some very fixed
ideas. Because we're believers, we have some very fixed ideas that I
can, I can speak about it like that. Then he says,
ALLAH SubhanA being preoccupied by a blessing and forgetting the
giver of it is originally when you start relying on your own.
It's opposite is to remember Allah spavor That it is Allah who gives
us these things.
If you feel that, because I know that in Norway, people are still
very connected, mashallah to their home countries. And they go back
and forth. And they have relatives in those countries every nearly
everybody does, right. I mean, I know the Pakistanis, they go back
to Pakistan, they've got mashallah intermarriages happening.
Many people out there would love to be here in your place. And we
feel here that of hamdulillah is what is, at least it's not as
chaotic as those countries. May Allah bring relief to those
countries. Right. But as long as it's predictable, free health
care, lots of things. Al Hamdulillah here, thank Allah
subhanaw taala for that, thank Allah for that, that you are here.
You know, I was in imam in America in California, California is one
of the most beautiful States of America. And then I was in one of
the most beautiful cities in in California called Santa Barbara.
It's on the coast, or one side is mountains. On the other hand, it
was the ocean, the Pacific Ocean, I was literally five minutes drive
from the ocean.
Right? Beautiful place with the palm trees and I used to drive
through.
But what was really strange is I stayed there for eight years.
I started in 2000. I left in 2008.
The people who were there in 2000. And when I left in 2008, only
about 20% of the same people were still there. 80%
of the Muslim community
is a very expensive area. And my assessment is that I don't think
people did enough sugar of being in such a beautiful place. No
billboards. They don't allow advertisement on the streets. No
big tall buildings, very comfortable place to live. Whether
it's throughout the year it was you don't need an AC and you don't
need a heater 60 to 80 degrees Fahrenheit throughout the
beautiful place. I don't think people were I don't think people
were doing sugar. Allah say
is when you do sugar, I will increase you. And you know there's
a special pleasure
when you start relating everything to Allah subhanaw taala with
everything that we have
everything that we have you think about you'd have a nice food at
home mashallah, right the wife has cooked nicely you go to a
restaurant, and hundreds
and hundreds that keeps the narcissism away. That keeps the
narcissism away. Otherwise we get indulgent we start thinking then
we start forgetting about Allah subhanho wa Taala that's when it
becomes detrimental. And Allah subhanaw taala has said obviously
you know this Allah in the Quran, it says that if you do sugar will
give you more, then check out Allah as Eden. So it's a win win
situation all the way through to for Allah subhanho wa Taala to for
us to thank Allah subhanaw taala for every little thing, we need to
be thanking him and that needs to become a habit of thanking Allah
subhanaw taala it needs to become a habit that every time we see
something, do something just thank Allah subhanaw taala and we have
to do it by believing
that Allah subhanho wa Taala is the true giver of it.
Why is the Narcissus? Why would somebody become like this? What is
the cause of narcissism? The cause of narcissism is generally
ignorance.
To not understand that Allah is the giver of everything.
The true believer of Allah says in the Quran is Valentina Amendola
shadow hookman Lila,
those who are Imam, Imam are those who believe they are the most
intense in their love for Allah subhanho wa taala.
If you're intense in love, for some, you're going to remember
them all the time.
So if a bounty that our own lover gave us, imagine your beloved gave
you a gift, you became so preoccupied with the gift that you
forgot the giver.
It's absurd. So to become preoccupied with that is a
problem. The fact that we are Mothman and we love Allah most
intensely. That means we must remember him well. And one of the
ways to the easiest ways to do it is that that's why the prophets of
Allah, if not by Allah says that if Allah has given you the ability
to to raise your hands with dua, it means he wants to accept it. If
Allah has allowed you to come into the masjid, then you need to thank
him for allowing you to come into the Masjid. He says, Don't even
ask Allah for reward. Because the fact that you came here is already
given to you by Allah as a bounty that is a bounty thank Allah for
that bounty. We ask Allah that time went very fast. We ask Allah
subhana wa Tala for Topeka, and we ask Allah for blessing and
inshallah we'll see you this evening in sha Allah