Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Leaving Out the Converts (Hadith Commentary from Zad alTalibin)
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The speakers emphasize the importance of being careful and avoiding embarrassment in a private setting with a group of people. They stress the need to be mindful of one's emotions and considerate about them. The speakers also stress the importance of learning and practicing Islam, especially for situations where there is a group of people.
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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam says in this hadith that's
related by mumble hardly any Muslim
that when there is a group of three of you, two of you should
not kind of separate, separate yourself, not necessarily
physically, but just start talking to yourself. So essentially, what
the roasted Eliza was saying is when there is a group of three to
have, you should not converse in private, thus excluding the third
until you meet up with others, as it may offend him,
as it may cause him grievance. And really that that normally happens
if three people are sitting there, and to suddenly start talking in
whispers, what's the third person going to think? I don't know if
you've ever been in that situation, right? What's the third
person going to think? What would you think if the two people you
were with suddenly started talking and whispers? Like, what are they
talking about? Right? Unless they kind of turned around and said,
Brother, it's okay, you know, we're not talking about you. Or
it's okay. You know, we just, there's something that I had to
mention, which is really private, unless you clarify yourself,
unless you make a disclaimer, the person is going to feel really
bad, you're part of that group. It's different. If two people are
just conversing on the side private in a, you kind of show up
in the middle, then they're not obliged to reveal to you anything,
because you came in on them, you interrupted them. But if you're
with three people, and then you suddenly start talking to somebody
else, and at the exclusion of the third person, then that's a
problem. Now, this hadith over promise of Assam said it this way,
it doesn't have to refer to just this
many manifestations of this hadith in different ways of manifesting
this. For example, let's just say that two of you are Pakistanis,
you know, they speak Punjabi, for example, you speak or do a
majority of Somali or, you know, Arabic and the third person
doesn't. So you're speaking in English, and then suddenly, you
you know, two of you start conversing in this other language.
Why would you do that?
Right. Now, if, if your friends from before, I mean, one has to
understand if your friends from before, and you do that sometimes
the person doesn't mind, and that's completely fine. Right?
It's fine, because they, you know, you're used to it, people are used
to it, they they find, you know, you've got such friendship, they
will mind you doing that. But you have to be sensitive to this. And
I think another thing here that we get great, you can say,
I think another kind of more extended expression of this would
be where three people among you, and then two people start
speaking, some kind of jargon, certain terminology related to
maybe a particular science or something, right, at the exclusion
of the third person, making him feel bad. Now, if you make a
disclaimer, look, we're going to have a very technical discussion,
if you don't mind, you know, we will try to explain to you later
on, it's very technical discussion, very difficult to
simplify things. So we're gonna have this discussion, it's fine.
But otherwise, one must be very careful, because a man's heart is
very important that we don't break it as very important. So we need
to be very careful about that. Having said that,
a person should not be the third person if the two friends and need
to speak about something, for example, right? If the if they
need to speak about something, and you're just being awkward, and
trying to be awkward about it, then that's obviously not very
nice, either. Because there's no need for that, to do that. Right.
So another manifestation of this is if people are speaking in a
particular jargon, unless you explain to people the main thing
is just have somebody else's heart and their feelings in view, that's
very important is to have the feeling in view. So it's, then
it's fine. In that case, one major complaint that people have
especially converted to a masjid or a certain group, or a party,
that they've been invited to a meeting they've been invited to,
and especially if there's a certain ethnic group, it happens
in massage, it is really problematic. You've got all the
Pakistanis who would sit together, right? You've got the Indians who
would sit together, sometimes the Pakistanis and Indians would sit
together because they will not want to do, right. And if there's
an Arab person or two, they're going to feel really left out. And
on the other hand, if you've got the Arabs and you've got one or
two Indian Pakistanis, the Arabs are going to start speaking in
Arabic, and these Pakistani Indians are going to feel left out
and the Convert really feel sorry for them. Because really, when
they come in, they're really excluded. That's why it's very
important to make people feel included. Right. It's not that
people do it on purpose. It's just I think, a bit
unthoughtful it's not that they do it on purpose that yeah, we can
make them feel bad. That's why
We're doing this, let's all speak like this suddenly, you know,
let's all speak like this right now because we want that person to
feel really bad. So don't come back. It's not like that. It's
just that we're very, not very thoughtful about it. Not very
considerate, so it's just about being inconsiderate. That's why
it's important that we both be more considerate about these
things. And the voice of awesome said it in the best of ways is a
quantum Thalassa. If you are there are three of you. Further yet a
Naja Taneja means
to whisper to say things intimately to each other. So
you're essentially showing this kind of intimate discussion,
expressing this intimate discussion with somebody at the
exclusion of the third person doing an offer, leaving the third
person out at that after the to be Nozman. engineer, he has no,
right.
Until you're, unless you're with other people until you're with
other people. Now, if this four of you and two people are doing this,
then it's obviously a lighter problem than it is when there's
just one person because at least the other person could the other
two could hold in a conversation. It would still be bad if the two
other the two was speaking or the more dominant people. Right? The
others are going to feel bad or left out that what are these guys
planning or plotting or whatever? Right?
Where does an understanding it's fine, where it is an
understanding, it's fine. Among Friends, normally, it should be
fine, because you know, everybody's considerate.
Everybody's tolerant of the other.
The point of a lecture is to encourage people to act to get
further and inspiration and encouragement, persuasion. The
next step is to actually start learning seriously, to read books
to take on a subject of Islam and to understand all the subjects of
Islam at least at the basic level, so that we can become more aware
of what our deen wants from us. And that's why we started Rayyan
courses so that you can actually take organize lectures on demand
whenever you have free time, especially for example, the
Islamic essentials course that we have on there, the Islamic
essentials certificate, which you take 20 Short modules, and at the
end of that inshallah you will have gotten the basics of most of
the most important topics in Islam and you'll feel a lot more
confident. You don't have to leave lectures behind you can continue
to live, you know, to listen to lectures, but you need to have
this more sustained study as well. JazakAllah here in Santa Monica
when I have to live record