Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Imam Sha’rani’s Code of Companionship Series Seeking Revenge & Assisting Others to Get Married
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The speakers discuss the importance of giving gifts and making friendships happen in various ways. They stress the importance of proper engagement and giving gifts in a meaningful way to create friendships and connections. They also discuss the importance of giving gifts in a meaningful way to create friendships and connections, and how it can lead to negative emotions and waste of time. The speakers also touch on the topic of parents limiting their children to get married and the importance of acceptance of marriage in certain cultures.
AI: Summary ©
So sometimes it's difficult to go and say please forgive me. It's
easier sometimes to take a gift and give it to them. Sometimes
that stands in but no, some people are very strict they want you to
they want to see you say sorry.
Because there's some people who can't say sorry. I really feel
sorry for people who cannot say sorry. I believe this is just an
inner complex that they have. That they know they should say sorry.
But they, there's just something that prevents them from saying,
sorry. And believe me the day you can learn to say sorry, easily,
you've liberated yourself. It's so it's satisfies so many hearts. It
causes, it evens out so many problems.
This will lower your murder bohem hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa
salatu salam ala, so you've been more serene. While early he was
off me here. Baraka was seldom at the Sleeman get here on July 18.
Another in Ramadan, we were covering
these other from Imam Sharon his work. So to continue with that.
Now remember one of the things that Allah Masha Ronnie does in
this book just like your mom Hazari does. And as you're here,
and other authors, they try to mention the most, the most optimal
position.
And the most optimal form of reaction in any situation. Because
they understand that people are very lacks, very relaxed, people
are very weak, people generally try to go for what suits them
best. So what they're trying to do is they're trying to tell us the
absolute optimal
situation. Very difficult sometimes to do that. But what it
does is psychologically, the way human beings are when we see
things, then we try to emulate we try to copy we try to follow. Now
most of the time, it's very difficult for somebody to listen
to something and follow it immediately. But when we hear
something, in a very extreme set, sometimes, sometimes it's off
putting, but when you when you look at it with it with
praiseworthy in a praiseworthy way, then generally, it trades, it
helps to take us away from the other extreme, and bring us in the
middle. So
one has to really take that into consideration. Number two. Another
thing to keep in mind while you're listening to all of this, is that
whenever Imam SharonI will deal with any of these points, these
rights of one brother over the other, he will discuss it as
though he's discussing it sometimes in a vacuum. He will
emphasize it so much as though it's the main point. It's the only
point. And sometimes people get carried away with that. And they
start thinking but what about this? And what about that? And
what about this? So you can't read any of these points in an isolated
way. They have to be taken.
They have to be taken with all of the other points in view as well.
Because it's not Islam is not just about one point.
Give you an example.
fellated Winner EODS he hardly used to smile. He's got a long
history. But after he became rectified and became known as the
arbiter Haramain. He hardly used to smile. There was one day when
his son passed away. That day, he was seen as smiling,
which was a very strange kind of occurrence. Somebody doesn't smile
hardly. And then suddenly on the day his son passes away he's
smiling. He was asked why you smiling while he's smiling because
he is trying to show Rolla Bill cover. He's trying to show
satisfaction with the decree of Allah subhanaw taala and this is
his way of showing it. However, is that something to be emulated,
necessarily, that's his emotion. That's his reaction to this
emotion of how he dealt with it. But is that the Sunnah? If you
want to look at the Sunnah, then the hadith is related by Imam
Buhari, were one of his granddaughters was sick terminal.
She was in those final moments, his daughter sent somebody to
invite the province of alarmism to her house so that because her
child was about to pass away or felt like on the last throes of of
this life. She was in the throes of death. So promises and first
wasn't going to go and then she insisted, so then he went, and
when he saw this child in that state,
he began to weep.
He shed a few tears. So the few prominent Sahaba that were with
him, they said he also like you as well, you're crying, because for
them it was
the prohibition from whaling
in the time of
Generally when people used to,
when people used to die they used to professionally Well, there were
people who they would hire to do this. This was and when some
people are crying and waving, then it just creates that kind of
atmosphere. Other people like to cry as well. So that would be a
successful death ceremony, you could say. So that was prohibited.
So then the Prophet sallallahu some explained that no, this is
just the Rama in somebody's hearts that has been allowed to manifest
itself. What we've prohibited is something different, this is
something different. Now, this is the Sunnah. And it's only a
prophet that will be able to deal with various different emotions
and pick the right emotion to pre ponder it over the others.
And this is why the LMR would say that for the diviner as to what he
did, maybe okay for himself, but it's not the sunnah to follow. The
Sunnah is what Rasul Allah, Allah, Islam did, were his grandson, not
even his son, but his grandson, and not to say that grandsons are
less Beloved. But this is just just the point. That is his
granddaughter, I think it was a grandchild, who was about today,
and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam wept.
And he expressed that this was the right thing to do at that time. So
it's only a prophet that can deal with the emotions. So only a
prophet that can deal with emotions. That's why What do you
know? How do you know which emotion to bring forward? Because
one emotion is, I should be satisfied with what Allah subhanaw
taala has done.
And another emotion is my personal human emotion to weep, and to shed
some tears, what should I do here?
And for any conflicting emotional problems, we have this nature, you
have to look at the ceiling, because the Prophet will be able
to give you the best answer.
So that's why with any of these points, they need to be looked at,
in view of the rest of the points, the rest of the Sharia and
whenever if you ever have any questions or confusions, then it's
best to always ask.
So then he says in this next point, I mean, happy archaeology
athlete and you're Safi, who couldn't be luckier who be near to
Tibet, rookie one deciding among
workers Robert Toblerone, you either Transalta Henry Murni Lim
to ferok Akufo Houma had yo for Allahumma Hattah you for Allahumma
another right of one brother over the other is that he shake his
hand. He does musataha He shake his hand, every time he meets him
with an intention of tomorrow gaining blessing.
And to fulfill the command the general kind of encouragement in
the Hadith. There's a hadith narrated by Muhammad Yunus, edible
mouflon, which says that it's meant to mammal, thermometer, a
Yeti and to saute o'clock, it's part of the completion of your
salon, your greeting, that you also shake hands with your
brother, it obviously it's seen as an additional point, when you
acknowledge somebody, you know, we understand that you acknowledge
somebody that's the absolute base level here. When you see somebody
going past you, you just wave a hand, nod your head, say
something, this is a basic acknowledgement. So the process
that I'm saying is that there's the completion of this, the the
personal touch to this is to also add the handshake.
I think we've discussed before that the handshake needs to be
proper, it's not a meeting of fingers, but rather it's the
meeting of the two palms, that's what you call a masala in Arabic,
because the soft one is this section is the flat part of the
palm. So it means the full palm to palm connection. That is what it
is not just like these little, you know, dainty, you know, that's not
the idea. Idea is the fool. Some people, they overdo these things
by squeezing the hand of the other person. When they give a hug, they
give a really tight hug. Have mercy on people. Right? So there's
extremes to all of this. And then of course, there's the non
extreme, which is the moderate to a part of this is to is to gain
the bulk of your brother piety, righteousness to make Salaam.
Here, we're assuming that your brother, your associate your
companion is a righteous individual. Again Baraka by the
handshake. He says that there's a hadith it's related by Abu Sheikh
that when two Muslims meet each other and wonder salaam to the
other. Then the most beloved to Allah subhanho wa Taala out of the
two is the one who is the most jovial to the other
acts the Norma abishola Most jovial, most cheerful, because
that makes such a difference when you show that cheerful face it
deals with half
problems if there were any suspicions lingering about any
hard feelings or whatever, a smile Oh, he smiled at me that's a big
thing. God, if nomadic Radi Allahu Anhu when he was
that when they were forsaken for about
40 to 50 nights or 50 days.
The province of Lawson said nobody should speak to them. So he would
go to the masjid and make salam to rasool Allah Azza lorrison can
look at his face does he? Is he responding me? Can I see a change
in his in his complexion sorry in his face, or is he making salaam
to me is he moving his lips? It makes a big difference
for either the Safa and when they do make the Mustafa and they shake
hands and Allahu Allah him AMITA Rama Tim 100 mercies Allah
subhanaw taala descends on them. Allah causes 100 mercies to
descend on them. This hadith is done with narration, but it's not
it's not a fabricated narration. Another right women have been
added either call who was Safa who are your Salia? Will you send the
Marlin to be sallallahu alayhi wa salam will you take care of who
we've heard ik will call the roll. Whoo yah Yanomami Nardini motor
hub. benei you're stoked to be ahead to Homer Sahiba who is
already on the island of us and Allahu alayhi salam Illa lemon
Yetta for Rocco had the dog for Allahumma Zulu Bahama, Mama Takada
Minho, Mata another, right, he's saying is that it's add up, it's
an add up. And again, it's a right as well in the sense of what he's
saying, because he's saying that another right from one brother to
the other is that when you meet your brother, and you shake his
hands, then you send send blessings on a solo la sala La
Jolla setups. So invoke blessings and mercy on a sort of loss or
loss and along so yeah, Allah Mohammed use that time to do so.
Remind your brother to do so as well.
And if you do it, then generally they will do it as well because
they have to do it when you hear because a boo Yaga relates that
whenever two servants of Allah subhanho wa Taala that love one
another
meets the other, and they pray, they make salah and the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, then their sins will be forgiven by the
time they separate, both past and future.
This hadith is related by Abu yada and Bay hockey, and others. So
it's a general recommendation to do that. A lot of people when they
see things like this or there's another one which is that you
should say May Allah forgive you your fear Allah Allah Now
a lot of times what happens is all of this stuff is replaced. This
replaces the salon people are so focused on these things, they
replace the salon so sometimes you shake somebody's hands, or you
hear really is yucky to Allah now welcome. Or, for example, in
Syria, I think I remember what was the situation there was that
Mustafa went out of the window, when he went to meet scholars,
there was no such thing as a Masaba it would be this kind of
competition to try to kiss their hands instead. So there was no
more cipher, he was just like trying to kiss the hands. And the
sheikh had to
keep putting the hand away. Right. So what I used to do, I always
tried to be different, be goofy when I tried to be different. I
used to go and do shake hands like this. So they would be feel secure
that I'm not going to try to kiss their hands. So give them a nice
massage.
And sometimes I'd get a kiss in as well. That way
it just becomes sometimes these things become tradition.
Right then the original thing is left out
another one women have killed you her dear who could Canadian middle
a young
another rights of one brother over the other is that you exchange
gifts with them. Every few days, every now and then.
Every so many days. When we speak about gifts, you know one point in
our mind one concept in our mind of gifts is this nicely wrapped.
You know then you have to go and buy a bag. You know gift paper
wrapping paper the bag. What are this is these additional
formalities. And sometimes people have gifts but they don't have a
bag. So don't give the gifts. I can't give it in a Tesco bag. I
can't give you an Asda bag, you know Subhanallah the whole point
is a gift. It's the thought that should count. If it's going to
delay your gift that you have to go out somewhere to go and buy,
you know, a proper gift bag or something like this. These are all
formalities when you can do this. Yes, it makes a difference that
you give a gift in a bag it makes a difference. It shows that you've
paid some attention to it, no doubt about that women are very
good at doing this kind of stuff. But at the end of the day, it
should not prevent you from getting your gift to the person at
the right time or the most appropriate
an opportune time that there is. So give a gift. Now the other
thing is, our concept of a gift is a package doesn't have to be a
package, a gift could be anything.
A gift could be a gift of food, you know, a plate of food that you
send down the road to your neighbor, that's also a gift.
That's the deal. Technically, that's an idea as well. It's not
wrapped up or anything, but it's an idea. And sometimes that may be
more appreciated than something else that they may not even be
able to use. So there's a lot of these things that yes, some
thought should go into gifts gift is not you just pick up something
and give it to them. If there should be some thought, a lot of
time in Ramadan, what happens is,
you get on some days, right at the start time, 10 minutes before
Iftar time, food from three places. We've only got three, four
hours to eat anyway, you get food from three, four places. And what
do you do with that food sometimes afterwards.
So I, there was one person, I was going to give a talk in one of the
messages and one of my students is in the area. So he's, he said, My
mom is saying coming at my house, it's like there's no time because
it's in another area getting back taraweeh there was no time. So the
next day, I went to that same place the day, the day, the next
day, the day after. And as I was leaving, finally, you know, before
Margaret, to get back home,
he brings his big bag of food.
And the interesting thing here is that this was not cooked food,
this was marinated, prepared foods, that then you can go take
it home, put it in the fridge, and then cook whenever you like. And
I'm just mentioning that because I thought that was a very reasonable
thing to do, it was a very intelligent thing to do. Because
especially if you're giving somebody food last minutes, and
you're giving them cooked foods, then it's just very complicated.
To deal with all of that food, a lot of people learn it goes to
waste, especially if you don't have neighbors to give it to or to
pass it around all of these things. So to be thoughtful, in a
gift is very important.
To be thoughtful, because at the end of the day, the whole point of
gift giving is to create an association, a bond and
friendship. And that's going to be best done, when you put some
intelligence in us and some emotion in us. So then he says
that every few days, give them a gift, even if it's something
simple.
Even if it's something simple law CMR either by the one who worked
for to work for, especially if you if there has been some form of
it, especially if there's been some form of disturbance to your
relationship. Something happens. Whatever it may be, you know,
sometimes even with your brother, even with your father, with your
children, sometimes just something that happens in between you say
something, they say something, something happens. So especially
if something like that happens, then the best remedy for all of
this is to give a good gift.
One is to seek forgiveness. But sometimes giving a gift in
corporate seeking forgiveness, a person is not going to give a gift
if they don't have good faith in their mind, goodwill in their
mind.
So sometimes it's difficult to go and say please forgive me. It's
easier sometimes to take a gift and give it to them. Sometimes
that stands in but no, some people are very strict. They want you to
they want to see you say sorry.
Because there's some people who can't say sorry. I really feel
sorry for people who cannot say sorry. I believe this is just an
inner complex that they have. That they know they should say sorry.
But they there's just something that prevents them from saying
sorry. And believe me the day you can learn to say sorry, easily,
you've liberated yourself. It's so it satisfies so many hearts. It
causes you know, it evens out so many problems. People who can't
apologize because they feel it's gonna push them down. It's gonna
make them lower in the sight of people. It's a major complex. It
doesn't seeking forgiveness is a honorable thing. It's a matter of
honor.
And then he mentions a hadith which is related by Muhammad an
imam tell me
the herd do the hobble
exchange gifts and thus create love between you and then he adds
another section which says water Safa, who usable
will uncom
which is and shake hands This will remove any hatred from the hearts
any hard feelings from the heart shaking hands. It does help.
Imam Timothy and he's related as to her due for inner hottie
attitude he will walk
how to solder just similar meaning it removes this heart feeling in
the heart. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam is absolutely told the
truth here, because
Hadia is one of the best means of peacemaking.
It's one of the best means of peacemaking, very effective.
When there is no problem between you, it will increase the love.
If there is a problem, then inshallah we will remove that
problem, or we will go quite far in removing the problem.
Sometimes, in some cases, a gift doesn't work, and apology is
needed, because the matter was very green. And it's for some
people, gift giving is easy.
And if that's, if that is what is perceived by the person in front,
then in that case, an apology is necessary.
Because at the end of the day, it's about consoling somebody's
heart, not the act of gift giving, the act of gift giving is just the
means of consolation. And if you have any doubts about this, try it
for in the treasury, but a cupboard overhang. Because
experience will be the greatest evidence, you'll find that this
works. So figure out what to do. I mean, some people they are loss of
if you're if you're a very particular kind of person, it's
very difficult to buy gifts for people I have that problem
sometimes. Because I second thinking 10 times are they going
to like it? I don't like to just get something and give it to
somebody because I know how it feels when you get a gift you
don't want to use I'd rather have a gift that makes you happy. So
sometimes, you know, I'll open a bottle of perfume and say, Brother
try this out. Do you like this? And you say they like it? Do you
really like it? Because sometimes people are just trying to be nice.
They really like that I give them two or three days. Okay, I like
this one. Okay, that's your gift. Otherwise getting a perfume,
especially a big bottle of it. Sometimes when you don't like it,
that's
it feels it doesn't feel right. The other thing is do not, do not
reject somebody's gift. That is really, really rude and really
bad.
It says in Rodell Hadia t mean fairly.
That's the act. That's the that's the behavior of mean people.
of lowly people. How can you reject somebody's gifts? Unless
you've got an absolute reason to? According to a hadith in Bukhari,
from our action of the Allahu anha the prophets Allah would not
reject gifts.
He would not reject this. Take it graciously take it graciously.
Now, when Rosa Lawson was saying he had to her due to her buta her
do is a mutual term. It means exchange gifts it doesn't mean
just give being a one sided gift giving action, but rather it's
about mutually exchanging gifts. And the idea is that if somebody
gives you a gift, even if it's a small gift, then honor them with a
gift that is similar or better. Especially if the person is a
needy person, then give them as a way superior gift that will be
helpful to them as well and beneficial to them as well. If not
Abbas or the Allahu Anhu relates
that an air order Hello Beatty middle Muslim in a SHA one o g
Mouritsen, Ole Masha Allah, I have the ilium in hygiene, better
hygiene.
I that I take care of a family you know give them a gift and thus
look after them their basic needs for a month or a week or however
long as Allah subhanaw taala once that is superior to me, than to
perform one Hajj after that other so related by Abu Noreen from
Ignacio the Allah Juan, then he says while a topic can better be
done in Ohio de la creme de la he has a habit in am Indiana in on
fugu visa de la he is alleging that for me to give even a small
measure of something as a gift.
As a gift to a brother of mine for the sake of Allah, for the sake of
Allah, not as a ritual, not as a
with any ulterior motive except the pleasure of Allah to gain for
the sake of Allah subhanaw taala that is superior. He says to me,
then a dinner that I would spend in the path of Allah subhanaw
taala so what is sadaqa? What is Hadia for the sake of Allah
subhanaw taala to a brother for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala
a lot of people there was once somebody came to one of the sheiks
and said,
my family is insisting This was after an empty cough. My family's
insisting that they take them out somewhere. Hello, please spend the
money take them off. He says do so. Spending on your families.
Other fun. A lot of people missed that out. So sometimes to take an
unless it's excessive holidays, every holiday you're going out and
spending huge amounts of money on your credit card means obviously
wrong. But one person who doesn't like to do these things because he
thinks is futile, it's useless or whatever. And remember that it's
spending in the path of Allah subhanho wa Taala is spending on
your family.
There's a reward for that. Everything within reason. Right
The next point of his he mentions roaming hacking, he added us I
think we've done about 20 Something points maybe the another
another right. One brother over the other is a Yoshida who Allah
Tala kill body. Allah Maha alayhi wa Yun Tassia Beenleigh Hytera
Allah is a shadow of his mouth Rumi indissoluble light with the
slim la he Subhana Minh, UK buddy nostra till
now again, this is one of those things where he's telling you to
do the absolute optimal thing which a lot of people will not be
able to do. What does he say here, that the next write that a brother
has over his brother is to guide him, advise him to avoid acting
excessively against the one who acted excessively against him,
essentially, to take revenge, don't take revenge, to tell your
brother not to take revenge. Rather to leave it to Allah
subhanaw taala let Allah subhanaw taala take care of it. Because he
says that to guide a brother who's oppressed, to ask of Allah to
defend him and to submit to Allah subhanaw taala is the greatest
Naseeha that you can give to your brother,
our editor here, he takes exception to this. And he says
that there's not there's nothing wrong with this. And there's no
difference of opinion here that you don't have to take revenge.
That's the beauty of Islam, that we have the path of
allowing of being allowed to take revenge to that amount. And it's
not as complicated as
the Shakespeare's play, what is it called?
The one in Venice, a merchant in Venice, because the whole
discussion is there was
taking revenge to the exact amount which was made out to be
completely impossible. Because if you look, there's numerous cases
that were brought to Rome or the Allahu Anhu was somebody slept,
somebody struck somebody. And when they were brought in, they were
allowed to stand there are made to stand there and the person who was
oppressed was told that Okay, hit him back.
So,
obviously, it's very difficult to hit back with the same kind of
intensity, same amount of energy and force. I mean, nobody measures
these things. Right. So that's how the Merchant of Venice made it out
to be.
You don't have to wash the place. If you don't know it. I just
thought if you've done it as part of your literature class, you may
you know, it may be something you can relate to. I mean, in English
Shakespeare is like the mandala cartoner because
what the mahkamah that's what Shakespeare is.
They make you read them to improve your language, just like they make
you read them on the car to do that. And the maklumat
Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran, pull in the Mahabharata or
Bayelsa Heisha Muhammad How am I button? Well, if Lobelia believe
will help.
So that
tells us that with the help, it's okay to to take, you know to to
take revenge.
However, Allah subhanaw taala also says well, Lavina Eva Osama who
will bug you humean Tasi rune
to take measures when somebody acts exceedingly against you. It's
allowed to take measures in Mombasa Nasai relates along Hadith
in which there's this really beautiful scenario, amusing
scenario of the wives of Rasulullah Salallahu Salam arguing
with each other.
Right? Again, there's a lot of conflicting emotions in that
story. But it's a very interesting story. Where are each other the
Allahu anha
is perceived to be more beloved to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam than
the other wives. The other waves, they see that I shouldn't be
alarmed gets more attention, apparently or more love, which was
the natural kind of inclination of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi
salam. So they sent Xena Binti Jash or the Allahu anha to
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to act on their behalf. She
came in she said Ya rasool Allah. In other words you are selecting
your wives have sent me
to ask you for just
Is this to ask you for justice with regards to a boo half as
daughter
sorry, it needs to be for half Yeah, yeah, we'll go half his
daughter
who's a Bukoba
Oba can ignore me. So essentially it's not even taking her name,
just saying his granddaughter
and then she said a few things about her. So this was the first
complaint. So my walker Walker means saying a few untoward words.
Not nice words, saying a few things. I should have the Aloha
nice is there
and she doesn't want to do anything yet.
She's saying first of all, that one of Cabo rasool Allah is Allah
I was looking very closely at a sort of Lhasa Loris and what's his
reaction to this?
Is he would he be okay with me defending myself and speaking up?
Or would he not want me to do this?
Xena are the Allahu anha carried on and then I saw that the sudo
allah sallallahu Sallam I saw his eminence, you can see that this
kind of relationship gives you an understanding of these things. So
he says, Then I noticed of Rasulullah sallallahu and that he
would not mind if I said something.
So then I started, I said what I had to say.
So anyway, then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said it
obviously she was very eloquent. I showed her the aloneness the
promise the loss and then said in the hurt Ebola to Abeba,
they had said that she's the daughter of Boko halfa, not even
Oh Buckers daughter will be alone. There's no she's the daughter of
Robocop. That's what, that's what her status is.
So it's allowed, it's allowed to respond, essentially, that's what
he said it what he's trying to prove is that it's allowed to
respond. However, for a person who has so much to work cool and Allah
subhanaw taala. And for him to just leave it to Allah subhanaw
taala, that requires a very high level of Dawa, you may be able to
do that in one situation, may be in another situation. But
sometimes you can't do it in a third situation. Sometimes the
situation demands that, however,
acting patiently, time and time again, will allow you to
eventually will allow you to eventually act patiently in the
more difficult situations as well.
I've got a friend who has a big shave, and his wife complains to
me, about him. And that's the worst situations you can deal
with. Right? And
so what's the problem is, is that when I get angry on him, he
doesn't say anything. He just sits there.
So that was another point of contention. Here, he doesn't do
anything back.
You understand? He doesn't defend himself. He just sits there. And
some people, they thrive on a response. Many people they thrive
on a response, that's what they get their satisfaction through.
What's the point of telling somebody off, and then we'll say
anything back to you, they feel so sometimes the worst risk or the
best response for the person responding is no response. Because
that is worse off that's, that will teach the other person a
lesson that is no point bothering with this person.
But it's not it's not easy to do this, to leave it to Allah
subhanaw taala purely for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. It's not
easy to do that. But it should be done and it can be done.
Sheikh Mohammed referring, he mentioned that whoever defends
himself and response.
It will get tired in doing so he'll exert himself. You use your
energy up, you will use your strategy up, you'll waste your
time. It'll spoil a few salads of yours because when you're in salad
this time shaytan will bring this idea in your mind how to do it
shaytan has the best times. He reminds you these kinds of times
when sama Han nurse will forward the ombre hoody Mola, nasaga, hula
hooping lady Evelyn, whether Ashira however, for a person who
has so much token, Allah subhanaw taala, he leaves it to Allah
subhanaw taala then he'll be satisfied carrying on with his
normal work. And Allah will provide this, you can say an
invisible shield around him. And Allah will assist him as he says,
without the need of any family or tribal members. So in those days,
it was all about getting your tribal members that's why new
hottie salaam constantly said I don't even have a powerful family.
Sorry, Luca, listen. He says I don't even have a powerful family
that I can invoke to help me against these people who are
aggressing against us in this way. Because remember, loot Arsenal was
the nephew of Ibrahim Ali Salaam. They had come from Iraq and they
had come and settled in the in the sham region. So he
was among other people that was not his people in a sense, so he
didn't have a family there. So having a family around you is a
very important thing. Today, unfortunately, this is diminishing
quite a bit, but it's still a force of a source of great
strength. He says that even without any strength, support
friends, whatever it may be, Allah subhanaw taala will help you out.
She'll have the FATA Buddha, he writes in, in one place about he
says that the in son, whenever you receive some kind of annoyance
from somebody, some kind of harm comes to you from somebody else,
and you are patient, and you Pardon, pardon them, and you do
not strategize in trying to take revenge, trying to find some way
to respond, you know, doing something bad to them, as well as
if you don't do that. He says, then this is *. This is
forbearance. This is what you call forbearance. Not to strategize in
taking revenge, but rather to leave it to Allah subhanaw taala,
then this is, this is common, this is honorable, this is a very
honorable situation.
And it says that by this, you will receive a number of benefits, you
will receive a special contentment in the heart, Allah will give you
a certain contentment and satisfaction in the heart, which
should be more valuable than any contentment you will get from
trying to take revenge. Because a lot of the time you will take
revenge, but then it'll just start a tit for tat problem. And then
the person will think you've done excessive, they'll come back and
this is just becomes and you would generally think at the end of it.
I wish I didn't.
Some people are so mischievous, they want the last word, even if
they're wrong, they don't care about that. For them. It's just
about winning.
It's not worth it sometimes. But in this way, you will get the
satisfaction of the heart without having to worry yourself. And
that's why he says, been Bob Dole monitor dean of the mean and happy
Dean, Tom Calma, Cappelletti we're not Dr. Lee, Acton hula hula
minute ready for certain people, for you just to remain silent, and
to not respond is worse for them. It's more murderous for them to
deal with it, than if you responded to them. Because you
see, they won't have an excuse to do anything. They're just waiting
for you to respond so that they can respond again.
When you don't do anything, you've cut it from under their feet. And
that is more murderous for them because that's their fruit. And I
think the last point for today, I mean, happy Lucky.
Lucky, Musa either to move with the squeegee is to assist your
brother in getting married. Today everybody has a problem with
finding a suitable spouse. You go to these programs, are these
brothers attending you? Can you make dua you know, can you find
us, you know, help us find a spouse? The women are saying the
same thing. I'm saying oh, these brothers are here. They all
singles all the sisters here. You're single, why don't you get
married? I know we can't get the right kind of person. As though
Subhan Allah Subhanallah and there's some people who go beyond
that they look for people. I'm looking for a convert, not a
convert. I'm looking for a way you learn Muslim person. Because they
don't come with baggage. If I can get them to become Muslim and
marry them. They don't come with baggage. Yeah, they don't come
with the baggage. You're used to the Indian Pakistani baggage. They
come with a different baggage. Everybody comes in baggage. That's
the part of that's part of the whole process to deal with it.
Nobody's perfect. You can't order one.
So
to help somebody is very important.
Especially your friend, your brother, your associate.
In fact, they've mentioned the other mother mushy, they've said
an Ariana Taffy radica off Dolman Ayanna T Rosati. Well MacArthur
beam,
it is superior Allahu Allah. It's superior in certain cases,
definitely. So it's superior to assisting.
It's superior to assist a brother to get married.
Then to assist warriors in the path of Allah subhanaw taala.
And he gives his reason, he says is who have done with the wealth
in in Hyatts.
Out of all of the Voluntary
Virtues, marriage is the highest. Right? Well, Andrew Yeah, don't be
a zombie suburb.
And reward is multiplied due to the the greatness of the cause.
fanola, Nika now, would you the Buddha, he had a bit on the
heater.
So this is just a fake application. He says that if there
was no Nika, then you wouldn't have any Mujahideen
and you wouldn't
have anybody to worship Allah subhanaw taala. So produce.
That's what he's saying.
So that is just a universal thing. But of course, for somebody who
wants to get married, and they can't find somebody, it's it's a
24 hour problem. I stray people are always looking at things.
Maybe that's potential, maybe test potential, it's a very bad state
to be in. What about the guys who already married once and they're,
they're still in that state of mind. That's even worse.
The state in that state of mind is looking for number two or number
three, but they know there's not going to happen. One is if you
think it's going to happen, you're serious about his different story.
But when you know, it's not gonna happen, there's no way it's gonna
happen then it's really about I feel sorry for the mentor that
everybody talks about and talk about a second life story are all
the men they start getting really excited.
But they know in the back of their mind, I don't think it's ever
gonna happen.
I know it's never gonna happen, they say,
but they still love to talk about it.
Now, if this is speaking about
assisting your brother, your friend, your companion to get
married, then how much emphasis does that put on a person
to make sure they do not delay in getting their own children merit?
Because the very famous Hadith from Imam Timothy Rasulullah
sallallahu sallam said either hataoka, illegal mentor widow in
Edina who a hookah who doesn't we do in law, to value, the confit
net and Phil already have a certain cubby
very famous narration, if somebody
comes and proposes.
If somebody comes and proposes to you, for your child, your
daughter, whatever, right? Somebody who's been your queen
can't complain about or his character.
The only thing you can say is he's not Pakistani, or he's not Indian,
or he's not Egyptian, or Moroccan or whatever it is, because that's
what you're looking for. Right? That's what you're you are, right.
He's saying that if somebody comes with a HELOC, and who's
Dean,
you have no complaints about, then then then Mary, except that
proposal,
if you don't do so, there'll be fitna in the earth, and a big
facade.
And in many cultures, where, especially in our culture, it's
more complex. Now, one way to look at this is that the prophets of
Allah was obviously saying this, in a culture that was quite you
can say, a mono culture, it was one culture
wasn't a very Purell kind of place. Yes, there were a few
people from different places. But generally, it had unsought. And
was you mean, I mean, it wasn't too too different. We're living in
a place, which is way more complex.
And we still have the first generation who
are still very much mindset wise in another country.
It's the reality we're talking about here.
So I don't think it's too much of a problem for them to have a
problem.
I don't think it's too much of a problem, like get my words, right,
right, too much of a problem for them to have a problem at the end
of the day, if they're not going to be able to relate to their
daughter in law, son in law, and they won't be able to speak to
them because they, for their own reason, haven't made an effort to
learn English, for example, they're still speaking or do a
majority, for example, Obon or Bengali. Right? And they're not
going to be able to relate to them, then I see no problem with
them having a problem for their children marrying from outside of
their culture, they have the rights
because it's an additional preference.
But they have to be open minded enough to work with their child to
get somebody that also fulfills their criteria and their criteria.
The problem is generally, when the parents are stubbornly so
restricted by the culture,
that they get somebody they insist on somebody for their children,
that the children can not see any future whatsoever with, despite
the fact that their children are being open minded about it, and
are trying to be accommodating.
So one is to find that perfect mean, that perfect equilibrium,
and that perfect middle ground where everybody can be happy.
Those you know those cultures where they insist you marry that
cousin's daughter in Pakistan, that is just has to be asked to
stop. Right? That's just where the insistence is that that just has
to stop.
If you can
be accommodated hamdulillah but if it cannot, but remember, the
previous lesson is saying this to people who had generally from not
such a diversified community as we are. So, some people, they take
this hadith, and they make, they try to put fatwas on people who,
you know, when there's a problem with an Arab Pakistani marriage,
right, or Arab Indian marriage or something like that, and the
father does not agree. Sometimes.
However, parents should allow it as much as possible. If there's a
decent person who is from another culture, you should definitely
allow it. And the facade is speaking about, I've seen it
unconscious. And the culture in many places, both including in our
country and other places, is that when you make it difficult for
your children to marry, then it's a natural thing for them to want
to be fulfilled, intimacy, etc. They're going to find it in the
Haram ways. When marriage becomes an ax expensive than the Haram
becomes cheap. And that is no doubt about it. And you know, some
people have the older generation, I don't know what world they're
living in. They think it's still very pure out there as it used to
be in the villages. Even those villages aren't as pure as they
used to be. Globalization has corrupted every place in the
world, just about in LA Masha Allah. Zina, unfortunately, is
rife. So what it used to be where if you call somebody a sister,
then you would see her as a sister, this was a culture before,
if you call somebody, if the father said to you, as you know,
you a boy in the village, this is your sister, it would, in some
cultures, it meant you could not marry her afterwards. No, she is
my sister, it would be like so binding. Of course, it's not
reality. And it's not nearly as well. But that's how it used to be
in certain tribal cultures. If you call somebody a sister icon, marry
her, she's my sister, not your sister.
She's not even related to you, like very far off. But it's not
like that anymore. Everybody's fair game today.
The world is hyper sexualized. So see where you're living. And try
to be accommodating of your children. Especially in that
situation. That's why these long engagements and all that is not
very helpful. If you engage with somebody, do Danika do the Rock
City afterwards, but do the * let them at least hello when they
speak to each other?
Allah subhanaw taala help us
inshallah we continue next week. Allahumma Anta salaam salaam
debark the other generic Quran Allah me Are you yoga younger
medical studies along the year, and then we are in Nola. You know
in that in the Sahara getting no Konami nobody mean?
Oh Allah except our gathering. Oh Allah forgive us our sins of
Allah. We've committed many sins. Our lessons have become a second
nature for us. Oh Allah, we ask you forgiveness from all those
sins we've committed in the open. We've committed privately we've
forgotten about that we remember, Oh Allah, we ask you forgiveness
from sins that we've committed boldly. And those especially those
sins, we've committed so many times that they become second
nature. We've lost all sense of guilt of Allah, allow us to see
the truth as the truth and allow us to follow it and see the wrong
as the wrong and allow us to abstain from it. Oh Allah, we ask
that You grant us two feet to do the best in all our matters of
Allah that you choose the you choose the best path for us in all
our all of our matters of Allah, we ask that you assist us in this
world, you protect us and our progeny, until the day of
judgment, from all the evils that are out there. And all the evils
that the world will bring of Allah we ask that You grant us the creme
de la ilaha illa Allah on our deathbed, and you grant us
genital fear though those You grant us the highest levels of
genital fifth dose of Allah We ask that you send you abundant
blessings in our messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and
granted his company in the hereafter Subhan Allah because
Allah is it mIRC foon wa salam Minami Morsani, Hungary
the point of a lecture is to encourage people to act to get
further an inspiration and encouragement, persuasion. The
next step is to actually start learning seriously to read books
to take on a subject of Islam and to understand all the subjects of
Islam at least at the basic level, so that we can become more aware
of what our deen wants from us. And that's why we started Rayyan
courses so that you can actually take organize lectures on demand
whenever you have free time, especially for example, the
Islamic essentials course that we have on there, the Islamic
essentials certificate which you take 20 Short modules and at the
end of that inshallah you will have gotten the base
Sikhs have most of the most important topics in Islam and
you'll feel a lot more confident. You don't have to leave lectures
behind you can continue to live, you know to listen to lectures,
but you need to have this more sustained study as well.
JazakAllah harem salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.