Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – How to Raise Successful Children
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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
mashallah nice to be in your midst today
all these wonderful people who are concerned about bringing up their
children and
what a right and correct concern that is.
It's not easy. I am actually really interested
with learning from you as much as I'm going to try to share my
thoughts with you.
So,
in terms of direct guidance, for this age, from the Quran, sunnah,
for specifically this age, very direct guidance. There's not as
much as for example, at the birth of the child, which you've
probably already heard.
So, what we have to use is essentially, when a person becomes
of this child of this age, then there are obviously the
characteristics that are required of a Muslim were able to rock man
and Latina am Shuna adult or the homeowner were either hot tub of
Umoja who do not care who Salama, there's those very specific things
which refer to how how the the true servants of Allah subhanaw
taala should be those are discussed.
Right? Those are obviously discussed then
all the issues related to marriage.
And the guidance is related to marriage in the Quran. So not all
of that comes in at this time as well. So it was something that we
had to look at when we got married or when we were thinking about
marrying. Now these are things that we can we will have to relook
at, to get our children married. So all of those things are there
anyway. Allah subhanho wa Taala says a few things about children
in South Africa have Allah says, Allah Allah will by noon as in
total higher dunya will appear to Saudi her to her urine Nyan the
rub because our higher on
the but then Allah also says in surah Taha one verse 14 year a
Johan Loreen man who in I mean as well gee como Allah they come I do
when the room were in their food, water sparkling water off the
rules are in Allah for Rahim.
So there's a balance between these wealth and children and adornment
for this
worldly life. But those eternally remaining deeds, the righteous
eternally, remaining deeds are better for you, by your Lord, in
terms of reward, and better for you to hope him. But our own
children can actually become a source of that themselves. That's
the beauty. How does one make their children like that? So we
will have questions at the end, right? You can always jot your own
questions down and keep them to the side. And Inshallah, if we
don't cover those things, we will, there's just so much to cover to
be honest, because this is probably the most difficult part,
it's when you finally are going to see them off when you're teaching
them adulthood to be on their own. That's why I find this very, very
difficult point. Okay.
And while I've written a book on marriage that they discuss, one it
is discussed earlier. And that was because you know, I'd been married
for over 20 something years and have been dealing with people's
marital issues for a similar number of years. So you feel like
okay, you have some capability of doing so. And you feel like if
you've been successful in marriage, you can share some of
the guidance with others. However, when it comes to children, you
have to first get the oldest ones married off, then I feel like I
might be capable of writing a book about it. But since I'll Misbah
Sohail he asked to speak about this, let's at least try to share
some ideas. But I'm going to try to learn from you and your
questions as well. Insha Allah. Okay, so to move on now, what the
kind of age we're looking at is, you can say, between 19 and 20,
after their teens right after their teens, because that's what
being covered for you, after their teens and onwards, getting them
married, preparing for marriage, getting them married, and then
dealing with them after they are married, because now you've
brought somebody else into your kind of family setup, which is
going to be a son in law or a daughter in law. And that involves
a number of other in laws and things like that. And it's a whole
other dynamic that's created by that. So how does one deal with
all of that, that's what we're going to be looking at. So
firstly, I mean, I'm going to try to keep it in some kind of orderly
in some kind of order, but it may be a bit haphazard in terms of
what we cover, because I think I've got quite a few
points down, which I think are relevant. And I've never spoken
about this issue before. Before. So it might sound a bit disparate
here and there, but but that that's fine. And if there's
anything to clarify, then, you know, Inshallah, we will have that
discussion with you guys at the end. So we'll have 15 minutes in
Sharla, for questions. So firstly, to start off, what is the role of
the parent at this early stage of adulthood? And how does it
transform? How does it change. And I think that's a very practical
issue, you have to remember that, there's two things I want
everybody to remember here, that what I'm talking about today.
Number one, it may not be relevant for everyone. All right, I'm going
to try to make it relevant. But everybody's dynamic is very, very
different. Right? Because their home dynamics, their
relationships, their culture, culture plays a huge part in all
of this is going to be very different. I'm going to try to
talk about the absolutes, and the most pertinent issues. So that
should relate, right how you adjust that how you interpret
that, and how you adapt that to your own life, you know, that's
going to have to be you, if you have any discussions about that,
you can, you can ask about that later. So that's one thing number
two, this age, we don't inherit children at this age, you know, we
don't first start dealing with our children at this age, the children
have probably been with us since birth. So the relationship at this
age and are responsive, our responsibilities are going to be
cut out. But in terms of our relationship, and how we fulfill
that responsibility, that's going to depend hugely, hugely on what
we did from birth, and what we did in their teens. Right. Remember
that. So
Subhanallah, everybody's going to be at a different place in this
regard, of how they've dealt with their children, where their
children are at, right in terms of their relationship. So that's a
very difficult thing to guide somebody on because everybody's at
a different place, maybe, because we don't inherit our children at
this age. So that's why a lot of this is going to depend on the
nurture, and our style, our relationship that was created
through the early stages, because we're not going to inherit
children at this age. However, if we want to compare the
relationship between when they're 1920, and going onwards to when
they were 15, and 16th, the relationship definitely has to
change. And what we mean by change here is that you're going to have
to start now taking them a lot more seriously, we should have
done that already, we have to take them a lot more seriously. Because
now they're at that age 1819, in many, many cultures, and
throughout our history, children would have been married by now.
Right? They are adults, they would have been married by now.
It's just now that living where we do and education, all of this is
delaying marriages, right. And then there's some unnecessary
issues that are delaying marriages. So it's kind of weird
anyway, right? Because if you look in the in the books, people got
married, 1718, they were married, in fact, younger than the age, so
they would have already been married.
The relationship needs to be different, because now we're going
to have to really think about this, right? I don't know how many
of you see, because some of you may have children at this age, and
you've been struggling. Some of you, many of you may be such that
you don't have children at this age, and your children are maybe
still very, very young. Right? Or maybe you don't even have children
yet. And you're just starting ahead, which is really, really
good, because that's the best policy, right? Which is that you
you're starting in advance so that you can actually project this in
the in the future and prepare for it. Whereas if you're just
starting off right now, and you're just like, oh, there's let me get
some help with my tarbiyah because I've been struggling, you know,
with with the nurturing of my children, then obviously that's
going to be a bit bit more difficult. But if with the right
dua to Allah subhanaw taala and the right adjustments, we hope
that Allah subhanaw taala will bring about some goodness, because
that's all we can hope for. And Allah subhanaw taala great grantor
success.
So I think a few questions, right? A few words I'm going to throw out
there, right?
Can you trust them to make their own decisions like decent enough
decisions? Can you trust them to make their own decisions? That's
very important. Now, how can you trust them? If you've taught them
trust, if you've learned to trust them before? Right? That's going
to be very important to think about.
More importantly
can they trust you to help them make the right choices? Do they
value your input?
That's a really, really big question. Do your children respect
you? Do they think you've done the right thing? If you've got if
you've got a
If you've got children who are telling other children, that my,
my mum or my dad just waste their time doing X, Y, and Zed, and they
just don't get it. Right? Do you think that's what your children
are telling others?
Right? Now, that's a very serious kind of idea.
Children need to be able to trust their parents, and that should
have been developed from before that they trust, your input, that
it's going to be measured input, it's going to be relevant input,
it's going to take into consideration their realities,
you're going to be strict enough, you're not going to be allowing
them to just do anything, and everything, but you're not going
to be too strict that they can't even do things that they would
like to do. So all of that needs to be all of that needs to have
been tempered already. And to have been moderated already, that a lot
will hinge upon trust, respect, and having common goals and being
on the being having a common vibe between between you. So
can they trust you to help them make the right choices? Do they
feel like they should come to you as opposed to somebody else to
make decisions to make choices about their life? Or is it
somebody else that they go to? Right? And maybe somebody that you
do not like? Okay, if they're going to your brother or sister
meaning their uncle or aunt, okay, maybe that's fine, and you trust
them? Because they're just more wiser than you? And that's fine.
Okay, well, that's a really important thing to inculcate this
kind of trust that they can trust you at this point to make
decisions. And they appreciate your input. They appreciate your
interventions, and so on. Right. So do they value your input? Have
you been able to connect in terms of common goals? And, and and
ambitions? That's very important. Right.
Right, have?
The next point that is very important is, since they're about
to get married, self sufficiency is very important. Can they do
them things for themselves? Have you taught them to do things for
themselves? That is really, really important.
Have you been mollycoddling them until now, right, so that they
can't stand their own feet, and they're going to struggle, because
those people don't make good parents. Because they're going to
really have to learn everything on the job, if they can learn several
of these things at home,
right,
within the nurturing care of their parents, and they can be learned
to take on certain tasks and responsibilities,
then they're just going to be able to do it much better. So by this
age, there should be certain tasks and responsibilities that we give
to our children. Right now, it's a different thing, if they don't
want it, that's a bit of a different dynamic. But what's
known about some parents is that they want them to folk they want
their children to focus even into the ages of 22 and 23. And 24.
Right, on just focusing on their career, like you go home, the
mother will do everything for them. So these are even girls,
maybe right daughters, and sons, right? And they will just be they
just that the parents are so focused on their children's
career, that they will, they will push them to go out in the
morning, to do the work to do everything that's related to their
occupation, go out whatever the case is, and come back to a hearty
meal that the mother cooks, whereas this daughter or son has
no idea how to run the house, the whole focus is on making money,
the whole focus is on position, the whole focus is on Korea, that
is completely wrong. Because that's not life. That's just a
part of life. Right? Life is a lot more than that, that is only going
to get you so so far. But there's interaction, there's looking after
a household becoming self sufficient, all of that is very,
very important.
Can they do things for themselves?
Are they prepared to run their own household?
Okay, so, a few things that you can do is give them certain tasks
around the house, that okay, cleaning this room or that room?
You know, I mean, their own room, obviously, right? Can they make
their bed by now?
But cleaning, cleaning up doing some basic
DIY jobs in the house? This is broken down? Are we've got a
problem with this bill.
Your younger brothers and sisters siblings, we need to buy this
console for them or this for them with that, can you please sort it
out? The teacher at school needs to be consulted about certain
things or whatever. Can you please speak to them? So there should be
certain things that you can hand over to your children. And if
they've been taught well, and they're not lazy, right? Or even
if they're lazy, you can encourage them then they will be able to
start taking
on certain tasks, can they go and do shopping? For you? Like if you
gave them a list and said, Okay, can you go on to the shopping? Can
they do that for you? All of these things are very important for them
to learn their, you know, to learn about their own life, and how to
do it on their own eventually as well. Right? Can you trust your
children? Can you leave them at home and you go out for a weekend,
and they will take take care of the house and make sure they lock
up and not let the wrong people in long or the wrong people in and so
on? Is that something that you can trust them to? These are all
things that we need to be thinking about? Right?
Does it other thing is, I think in all of this, what's gonna really,
really help is that can you let go? So when do you make that
transition between being completely in charge, and
directing, directing them in everything to now letting them
have an input?
I think it's really, really important to start letting your
children have an input in what you do, for example, is somebody I
know who
his father is now telling him that you must buy a house, you must buy
a house, you must he had absolutely no idea how to buy a
house, right? How to Stop looking what to look for, how to, what do
you call it, put the money together, and all the rest of it,
right. And so he finally bought a house and the rest of it, and he's
involving his children, right, because they're looking for a new
house. So he's actually involving them in the whole pursuit of the
house, so that they're prepared for it as well, when they are
there. You have to get your children involved in, in big
decisions. For example, let's just say that the oldest siblings are
about 20, something and the younger siblings are still
1011 12. You can get the older siblings to be involved in the
decision making about the younger ones sometimes, because they've
just been through the age. So it's a good idea to get, okay, should
they have this console or not? Should they play this game or not?
Should they read this book or not? Should they do this activity or
not? What's your opinion about this? Right? Should they be
allowed to go out here or there or whatever the case is, because
the time continues to change. So what may have been relevant on
what may have been a fitna, or may have been a challenge outside when
we were young, right? Maybe our eldest children know, better now
what are the more current fitness? Alright, what the more current
trials and tests and difficulties and challenges are?
Right? So that's another thing that we need to we need to think
about. So Letting go means you have to, you're still the mother
and father, but you're at a different stage of mother and
father now, right? Because you're dealing with more of an adult who
has their own mind, who should have had, you know, who could have
their own children at this point. So you have to start thinking
about it that way, you can't steal. So you can't even tell them
off in the same way, the way you would do before. That has to
change. Right? If some people were used to hitting their children,
alright, it's not something I'm condoning here. But if it's
somebody that is going to be definitely now a no, no, right,
there has to be some other way you, you can do this. Right? There
has to be some other way and but that that's only going to happen
if there's a respect, right, if there's a respect that's developed
and a mutual relationship,
like that, now, I found something very, very useful, which is, the
more ARE WE ARE THE Allahu anhu, one of our great Sahaba of the
past, who managed to bring a lot of calm after a lot of the turmoil
that it started at the end of Earth manner, the Allahu Anhu is
life and which had which had actually culminated in the murder
of Earth man of the Allah and his martyrdom. And then after that I
did or the Allah one has for years, and some months where there
were there was a lot of turmoil as well. And then after that was
Hasler, the a loved one who became the belief but within six months,
it was handed over to Mario to the Allahu Anhu. And then for the next
10 years, mashallah he managed despite there being so much
some, some retained an enmity and problems and conflicts and that he
managed to really expand and stabilize everything. And he, I
believe, this is his statement, he says that my relationship with my
subjects, the people that I have to I am responsible for is it is
like, both of us holding on a tug of war with a with a string that
is as thin as a hair. So it's like, I've got a wrist, my
relationship with them is, is characterized by a, a thread, like
a like a strand of hair between me and them. It's very delicate
relationship because it's a strand of hair. Anybody who pushes pulls
too much, right and the other person doesn't let go. That hair
is going to split. All right. So you have to avoid that.
And I believe that this is an apt relationship, right up to
relationships a perfect li fitting description for the relationship
between parents and children, especially nowadays, especially
nowadays, when the culture is just so varied. And anti family, almost
you can say, right. 50 years ago, people were living in cultures
that were pro family. So if, if it wasn't you, you didn't have to
tell them everything, your neighbors, your relatives, the
people in the town would basically set them right. But right now
we're in an anti family.
We're in an anti family scenario, where it's very difficult, you
only it's you that's looking out for your children, there'll be
very few others who will look out for your children. Alright, so
that relationship is like a like a hair, if they pull too much,
you're gonna have to let go. And if you pull too much a day, and
they don't let go, it's gonna break. So if they, if you feel
they're pulling too much, you have to pull back, alright, you have to
maintain the equilibrium. And that's very important. That's why
you can't win every single battle. That's another really important
aspect, you cannot really win every single battle, there's just
some things that you have to let go right to for the best, you
know, just to maintain the status quo sometimes. Alright.
So that adjustment is going to be construct constantly needed,
right? Now, how how does one balance between being involved in
their lives because you have to be as a parent, and not intruding and
not being seen as intruders. Right. Now, again, different
families will have different dynamics in that regard. But I
think some of the common things that can help in this regard is
have very clear house rules, at the end of the day is they're
still staying under your roof. Right. So your rules should count,
but your rules should be things that are manageable for them,
right, they should be the rules should be made based on what is a
possibility. Right in they need to be open minded rules, not rules
that cannot be followed, and that are going to be very, very
difficult to follow. So but have very clear household rules.
Children are even at that age, right? Even older, young adults
should not be allowed to just go in and out as they wish, not
telling you where they're going. That's not the way a family works.
And if any child has that kind of an idea, well, I don't know where
they got that idea from, maybe their friends are like that. But
you have to sit them down and say, Look, we still have a
relationship. At the end of the day, we care for your your
welfare, your prosperity, all right, we're not going to over and
over do this, we're not going to overly intrude, we're going to let
you make decisions and let you do things. But at the end of the day,
you're still living under our roof. Right? If you were once you
go away, then you can do whatever you want, right? But But right
now, there's still a time gonna be a curfew at night, you need to be
home by this time, right? You, you cannot go out every day, for
example, there are things that you need to do in the house as well.
Because what happens with a lot of young jurors is they just want to
live their own lives, though benefits and leech off their
parents, you know, so they want to spend their parents money, they
want to, you know, have their parents cook for them, their
mother cook for them, and so on. But they just want to go and enjoy
their life. And that's a really bad attitude. And the only the
only reason that happens is if we've not taught them
responsibility. To be honest, if your children are busy, right?
Until the day they get married, they're busy, too busy to do
anything else. Meaning because they're just so focused on
studying and, you know, whatever else there is, that's actually
much better than having children having young adults with a lot of
time on their hand because they'll just wasted. That's what goes on
outside people waste a lot of time. Right. So have very clear
house rules. And
the other thing in this regard is that children should not see
discrimination between each other, in terms of the way parents allow
some to do certain things and not others. Okay, maybe there is some
difference between the way we will treat our daughters and what is
expected of them and what kind of restrictions they have as compared
to the boys. But within that reasonable difference. Sorry,
beyond that reasonable difference, it wouldn't be allowed. So for
example, if there's a family, which has their daughter's forces
them and encourages them or whatever, to do all the housework,
but the sons don't do anything at all, they don't even clean a door,
right? They don't even wipe down the door or the worktop or the
distal Han, you know, the thing that you eat on on the table or
whatever, right? And the sisters are told to do everything and then
and then after that the state has become such that even her brothers
are forcing them to do everything expecting that they are the
servants of the house. And that's a very, very bad relationship.
Because then you know that what that's creating is that when this
guy gets married, he's gonna expect his wife to do absolutely
everything. Right. And there are families out there who think that
women must do everything, everything literally, literally
like us.
slave or a servant? Yes, women should do all the inside work of
the house that they're responsible for. But that doesn't mean that
the men don't assist them and help them. Right? Sometimes you've got
the case where women have to do even the handiwork. Right? They
have to even get the tap fixed. Right. Whereas that should be the
job of the man the hand, you know, that generally should be the job
of the man in normal traditional households I'm talking about,
right.
So, some children should not be given things to do, you know,
should not be discriminated against over the others, besides
the general kind of rule, okay, all the ones I'm going to do more
than younger one, and so on, I think a really good idea is to say
that, we're going to split up and divide the responsibility of
cleaning the house for different so your job is to do the vacuum,
right today. And your job is to do vacuum tomorrow. So you're both
you're going to alternate. So you're going to do the vacuum
today, and you're going to do the vacuum. Tomorrow, it's going to be
your responsibility. Or you could say, you're going to vacuum all of
these rooms. And you're going to vacuum all of these rooms and the
passage, and so on. Or you're going to do this and you're going
to do a once a week, you're going to clean the windows, or whatever
the case is, right? You're going to your job is to take out the
laundry each morning and hang it up. Right? Your Your job is to
iron, for example, you need to get them into ironing as well, right
children at that age at 19 should know how to iron their clothing.
How long is the mother going to be ironing
everybody's clothing, the whole family is closing, or four or
five, six people in the house. So others need to pitch into that,
right.
So don't let certain certain certain of your children get away
with everything. And somebody else has to do all of the work, right?
At the same time, you can't make it that the guys have to do all
the work and the daughter is you just call her princess and let her
sit there admiring herself all day long. Right? That's completely
wrong as well.
So now let's move on to a bit of responsibility. Okay, so how does
one teach their children responsibility? Well, the
responsibility means finances a big part of responsibility, taking
care of certain tasks around the house is part of responsibility.
That's reality of life, I give you you have to teach your children to
budget, right? Let's just say a lot of children at that age, a lot
of young people at that age will start working. Right, they may be
doing some odd jobs here. And there. They may be, they may be
working for some low paid job here and there. Because they want money
nowadays, what matters is money for a lot of people. So people
want money. So they're gonna go and do a job. And sometimes it
just helps them from getting out the house gives them something to
do. So if they're doing a job, whatever you need to help them
budget with that money. Because one of the biggest challenges that
a lot of people are having today. And you know, maybe you'll agree
with this is young, 1819 20 year olds, right? With a car
with an access to a car, or with a friend with a car and money.
Because that is the two factors that are essentially the keys to
huge amounts of fitna because they will go into shisha lounges, they
will I mean because they think shisha Lounge is a bit more Halal
than a than a pub, or a bar or some other club like that. But
I've been into a shisha lounge, a friend of mine took me into a
shisha lounge just to show me the environment. And it is not healthy
at all. It is not healthy at all. Right? If your children are going
to shisha lounges, I think that's a big issue right there. Because
there's just so much haram that goes on there. Besides the shisha.
She's just an excuse. It's just a thing to come over. But there's a
lot of stuff that goes on in those places. All right. So having a lot
of money, and have not being able to budget not understanding
responsibility is a recipe for disaster. Right? So I know, one
person who used to who started making money he was living with
his parents. And I think yeah, he will he got married as well,
you've got married as well. Now he was a bit of a like going out and
eating a lot. And basically going out and spending a lot of money
like that, and maybe taking a few holidays or going out and about
and so on. So what his father did was, he told him to start now his
father's well off, but his father told him that I want you to start
paying me a rent for staying in the house. And you know, for
whatever else, because at the end of the day, they're doing the
shopping and everything like that as well. So when you start paying
not the son says I felt really, really bad. Right? It was really
an embarrassing situation that why is he charging, he's got so much
money or whatever the case is. So he must have stayed with his
parents for one or two years. I can't remember, right, one or two
years. And
then the day it came to, for him to move out. Right?
The day it came for him to move out of the house of his parents
home to get his, you know, to move into his own home. Eventually, his
father came and gave him a wad of money. And this was long time ago
and cash was still the case. Right? So he gave him a big wad of
money and he said that look, you may
I felt very bad when I started charging you for staying here. But
the reason I charged you was for your own benefits, because I know
that if I hadn't charged you, then all of this money would have been
gone. Right? You would have just spent you on eating and all of
these other outings and things like that. But today, you this is
gonna help you, right for your new house. And subhanAllah, this young
man says that, you know, I felt so appreciative of what had happened,
even though I felt so bad earlier.
That's what you call, you know, tarbiyah, right, that's what you
call tarbiyah.
I asked a number of my students who are all like 20, something,
and most of them, they were not married. And I asked them if they
pay in their households. So actually, many of them did pay in
their households, even though they're not married yet. Because
they're working, they contribute to the house, some of them their
parents have retired, their father has retired. So there's no,
you know, big income coming in. Maybe the parents, the father is
getting a pension or something like that. So that's why they
contribute to the house. Some actually even manage the house,
even though they're not married, because the father is not there
anymore, right? He's passed away or something. So they have to
actually take responsibility. I don't.
In my situation, my son works. And he studies and he has, you know,
he's busy, basically, seven days a week, right. And I know what he
does and what he doesn't do, right. So I don't charge him
anything. And the reason I don't charge him anything is because I
know he's not wasting his time, we've taught him how to budget,
we've taught him how to save, we've taught him how to invest.
Because at the end of the day, he's going to need that money, if
he wants to continue studying even beyond, you know, he will and
where he may not be able to have a job, right? So if I saw my son
wasting his money, and just flinging it here and there, and
just literally just going into
just eating everyday, eating out every day, going to dessert
parlors, and all the rest of it that people do, right, just too
regularly and too much, I will start charging. Right? But the
reason I'm not is because I know he's managing his money well,
right. So you can have different relationships. You can do
different things, as long as you can teach them to budget to plan
for the future, to rely on Allah subhanaw taala and to spend in the
correct ways.
So
get them into shopping, maintenance, jobs, cooking,
hosting, yes, that's a really, really important aspect cooking
and hosting guests. Sometimes you should just tell them like you
will, we're going to have guests, I want you guys to do all the
preparation and all the planning for that. Or we're going to have a
party for people, you know, because maybe your brother has
graduated or you have graduated, our usual plan the party, I want
you to plan the reception.
What's really important in all of this is that the expectations need
to be known. Right? So don't spring things on them. Right? If
they have a trend, have a system in the house where everybody knows
what Job is cut out for them. Right? What job is cut out for
them. So all of that is very important.
Now, let's just talk a bit about marriage. Okay, I've got several
lectures on marriage online. So I don't need to talk about it as
much here. And it's a very short amount of time, but marriage now
is how to select a partner. So I would say the most important thing
is you don't want to impose on them what kind of person they need
to be married to, that is absolute no, no, you cannot say this is a
person I found you have to marry them. That's just that is just
absolutely wrong. If that's in your culture, well, you need to
throw that part of culture out, okay?
If the person is a good person, you need to have a conversation
with your children after they become 1718 that look, you're
eventually going to get married, maybe you're not going to get
married at 18 or 19. Maybe you're going to get married at 2021 22
But our expectation is that we would like to marry a person have
this kind of background keep it broad right you can have ideas you
can have a criteria right? Because the best marriage is the one where
the child the son
and
and and the parents both have a similar criteria that converge
together. So maybe the parents had a slightly different criteria and
the cello slightly different out here but if you have this
conversation and you say to them that I would I would like to know
from you what kind of person you may be interested in marrying
marrying. So if they say for example, that I'd actually like to
marry a convert and if that's a no no for you, for whatever reason,
you should marry convert I mean, you know, that's not a bad thing
at all they need to be incorporated into the existing
families. But if that's something that you just don't want to deal
with for a good reason, for whatever reason, you want somebody
to marry your your
want them to marry somebody of your culture? I think that's
valid. Okay? That is going to be that's absolutely valid, right?
But at least as long as you voice and you come to some terms, so
don't stick to all of the criteria that you have in mind, but come to
some common convergence between the two ideas, that is very
important if you can make them feel like you've
according to their criteria, and according to your criteria, that's
the absolute best, you cannot start this off, by stringing it
onto them. You cannot impose this onto them. You have to build that
from a young age, I see a lot of parents who are complaining now
that they don't want to marry their cousin sister, well, you've
done a bad parenting job. Right? If they don't want to do that,
because you should not you should have had been, you should have
been discussing this and making their mind from before. If you've
not done that, then it's your own fault.
All right. So
I think
have a common criteria, common agreed criteria, then you have to
determine that you have to let them have a say you can't impose
marriage, some cultures are very bad at this, some cultures are
very good at this. Now, the other thing is about the wedding day,
for example, we've got a situation right now with somebody who is
mashallah a very decent individual. And he wants to keep a
measured amount, budget for the wedding. But what's happening is
that his father wants to go overboard, right, his father wants
to go overboard, and he wants to invite, you know, so many more
people and do all of this other stuff, but the kid doesn't have
the doesn't have the funds for it, he doesn't want to take a loan. So
what's the real oppression here is that the parent, the father wants
him to.
The father wants him to have this big wedding. But he doesn't want
to pay for it. He wants his son to pay for everything. But it's
beyond the son's budget, and the son is trying to be reasonable.
And that's completely wrong. I would say that if you want a big
wedding, and your son's okay with it, or your daughter is okay with
it. And you're going to pay for it, meaning the parent is going to
pay for it. That's maybe understandable, right? But if you
want your son to pay for it, and you want it to be bigger than you
want, you're forcing them to take a loan, that's completely wrong.
Right? That's not. So it could be small, small issues like that. You
just have to play along in a way that makes sense, right?
Once you do get married, that's a whole whole other subject, right?
When once a person gets married, sorry, once they bring their
daughter in law into the house, I mean, if you're getting your
daughter married, then it's going to be a son in law, they're
probably going to go away. So clearly, when it comes to a
daughter, right, who you're getting married, often she needs
to be trained, so that it's just going to be easier for her when
they go to the other family. There's just so many daughters, as
they said, they've been spoiled at their own homes. They've not been
told how to cook clean or manage a house, they've just not been
taught that when they get into this new home situation. Right?
It's just a disaster. Because they expect that you're going to you
should know something. Right. Now, I know that there's a lot of
oppression from inlaws as well, in that case, right? That they're
just not relenting enough, they're not kind enough. They're not, they
don't have enough patience. And they just want everything faster.
They want you to adjust and be exactly according to how they want
them. But parents can help by training their daughter to manage
different scenarios, right? Hopefully, that will avoid at
least some of the arguments. Now when you're bringing a daughter in
law in the house, because your son is married to them. Right, then
you're gonna have to pretty much try to act as as though they are
on daughter. Right? That's a whole different dynamic. Now, the
biggest difficulty in all of this is the position of your son. He
has to listen to his wife and he has to listen to his parents. And
he is the balancing factor.
If you listened and this is human trait, that if somebody criticizes
somebody else in front of you, eventually you will feel negative
towards them. So what will happen is parents will go and start
talking about negative things about their daughter in law,
right? Or maybe the daughter in law, his wife will start talking,
no doubt about the appearance. And that just messes with his head.
But that's inevitable that might happen.
From the sun's perspective, but I'm talking to parents right now,
you shouldn't do that.
You need to be open minded. And if you're concerned and you're here
today, I hope that you don't do this. Right, if you are concerned
and that's why you're here today. Because I think if you're not
concerned about this stuff, you probably wouldn't be here today.
Try to use as much patience as possible. The person that's coming
into your home has done a lot more sacrifice than your son has. You
have to remember that your daughter in law has a lot more
sacrifice than your son has your son still in his home, in his
comfort zone still with his parents. They've been looked after
she has abandoned everything her family etc and come to a new
lifestyle. It takes time to adjust. Right yeah
have to realize that now if you've been treated badly by your mother
in law, that doesn't mean that you must now continue that tradition,
that negative oppressive tradition and, and do the same thing. You
don't don't say, Oh, this is what we had to do, this is what we had
to do. Go with the times, if this is not what is culturally
acceptable anymore, then don't try to bring in a 20 year old 20 year
old old culture because culture has changed, right? Be more
relenting. You don't want a fire you don't. If you have, if you
have grief, and you have bad negative feelings towards your
mother in law, which are probably never going to go, then don't make
that happen in your daughter in law. make her love you. Right,
that will make a big difference. Okay, so let me let me stop here.
There's a lot more to say, obviously, especially in the
marriage one. But let me stop here. So I can take maybe more
relevant questions that people may have in their mind right now. So
is that okay, can I open it up for questions now?
So brothers and sisters Hamdulillah. So we've taken on
questions now the q&a function is available on this zoom webinar. So
feel free to post your questions over the inshallah so much so the
first question that has come through is what is your advice if
the eldest child is not reliable, trustworthy, are able to make
sound decision, and younger siblings in need of guidance?
Allah Allah,
you see, you're gonna have to just do the best that you can. Now, if
they're not reliable, and trustworthy, or whatever, then
that means that there's something that has gone wrong in the past, I
don't want to rub that in. But at the end of the day, that's because
of some breakdown in the nurturing beforehand. That's why they've
gone to that level. Or maybe they've just oh, maybe the
nurturing was fine, but then they just got into bad company. I think
all you can do right now is be practical and think about it, and
see how you can bring them around, maybe talk to some of their
friends, maybe encourage them to because sometimes they're now out
of your hands as well, you can't really do much with them,
otherwise, you're going to lose them fully. Then it's just about
maintaining that relationship. Remember that, remember that hair
example that your relationship is still like that it's really there
pulling a lot. In that case, you have to just make a lot of dua to
Allah subhanaw taala. Hope that is just the face that Allah snapped
him out of it. All right. And then
I guess it's a time of introspection. Did we do anything
wrong about this? Can we give some sadaqa can rewrite it for
ourselves? Can we correct it for ourselves, and so on. So there's
several things like that, that you can do if there's not going to be
one thing that you can do, because there's just so many different
dynamics involved in this.
Next question, says if you find your teenager looking at haram
content on the internet, how do you best prevent this from
happening? So that they want to say that they had an experience
where they have been trying to send them to Islamic school, and
they've made them aware of these matters, but yet, they still found
this situation happening, basically.
That's, again, another different thing, you could do your best have
the best environment in the home, and all of these things, you know,
you've tried to,
you know, sort everything out. And then you've found this to happen,
I think, positive reinforcement is going to be at so what needs to
happen with young people, we need to be aware of the fitness so
they, I mean, one is that the MK Dubs and so on, we can hope you
should let them know, I think you should let your child's teacher
know, when you find out about certain things, it could be
through an anonymous letter, some of your students are doing this,
because you may not want a lot of people want to hide what goes on
in their houses. And look, the to a certain degree, that's okay. You
don't want the whole town talking about you. But at the same time, I
think people leave it too late. They can't handle it. So if they
can't handle it, then let somebody else know, I think whenever
something like that happens, I think they should send an
anonymous letter to the Imam, so that they can cover this stuff in
Jumar people make a wish. And they should also maybe send an
anonymous letter, if not an explicit letter to their child's
teacher, but they should also speak to them themselves. So
number one, you need to obviously have your parents will controls,
right, which means that if your internet would allow anything and
it logging in through the Wi Fi, right. So that that should be
something that they can't I mean, children if they really want to,
they can probably go against that by using
different servers and things like that anyway. But you do your best
but I think positive reinforcement and creating love for Allah
subhanaw taala and fear of the punishments of the hereafter.
That's why Tallinn is very, very important. So if I would notice
something like this, I would probably including it included in
the Taleem session in the reading session. So you don't have to like
if you think it's going to be bad to maybe bring it up like confront
them, then do it through the on
The side through a Taleem session, like just discuss it over the
dinner. Right? And say, Look, these are really bad things that
are taking place there. And this is the what will come of it, this
will be the harms that will be born of this. So these are several
different things that you could try and make a lot of dua to Allah
subhanaw taala. Regarding treating children equally, I have three
girls with very different personalities and circumstances, I
have to deal with them according to what's best for them as an
individual. Was I still try to be fair regarding gender roles, I do
struggle with them finding some things unfair am I doing? Okay,
that's a very difficult question to answer, because I don't know
what they're finding unfair. Right? It could be so many things,
and maybe you are being unfair? I don't know. So for to answer a
question like this, I think he needs to be a lot more explicit
that for example, I bought somebody one thing and I didn't
buy somebody a lot of thing. What is the unfairness, if I give an
answer to this is gonna be that okay, as long as it's absolutely,
you know, appropriate what you're doing? And one because one of
those daughters who are finding it unfair, maybe she's just overly
sensitive, maybe she just feels victimized for a reason. Maybe
she's got a mental health problem. Maybe she's got insecurity issues,
there could be so many factors about this. That's why this is so
difficult, right? I mean, that's why this whole parenting is so
difficult. That's another thing. I didn't talk about that many of our
girls, especially more than boys, they say that at least 25% or so
have mental health issues relating to something another? Is this
related to that. Right? What it is, you're gonna have to dig deep
and find out if you're trying your best if you think you're right,
right, and you're doing the best for each, then you have to try to
wonder, why is one of my daughter's feeling that way?
Right. And you have to dig deep and try to figure that out and
help her with that. Because then then it's our responsibility,
right to help her try to not feel unfair, right. So that may be one
way to look at it. What would be the right age to start searching
for marriage proposals, especially in for daughters, as they want
would like to focus on their careers. That's it, I would say
the sooner the better. Right, then they can carry on their career
with their husbands, as long as you kind of have that discussion
with the future husband that she is going to have a career. But you
know, I don't I don't agree with all of this, I believe that maybe
maximum but 2122 Anything more than that, then you're really
going towards an expiry date, and is getting money. I know there's
girls that wait until 2829. But really, it just then decreases the
pool. And then just gets much more complicated. So I think in this
day and age, maybe 2122 is probably the latest 23, you know,
latest,
and just do your best let them carry on their tradition
afterwards. They carry on their careers or whatever afterwards. At
the end of the day. For a woman a career needs to be secondary, for
sure. Like I say that openly. It needs to be secondary. They're not
they're not supposed to be the breadwinners of the house, I know
they may need a bit of security. But at the end of the day, their
main job is to bring up the next generation. That's absolutely that
is the God given job. That's what Allah subhanaw taala has made them
for. That is what's recommended in our Sharia that is has been our
tradition, right. And a tradition of the majority of places, the
Western tradition has started something Lee recently, this is
only recent, last 3040 years, we don't know the repercussions of
this word is seeing family breakdowns because of this idea.
Right? Women not wanting to have children, men, they're not wanting
to have children. Right. And it's just, it's just messed up. That's
why there's demographic problems, that there is obviously a lot of
problems that which is not the time to for us to get into this.
But the career for a woman is a secondary thing, right? I'm not
against career, women having careers. I love productive women,
right? Because I think we need them, but it can it has to be
secondary to their main responsibilities of bringing up
the house.
Would you suggest advising your child to live within the family
home after marriage? Or would you advise them to find their own
accommodation? I think the best thing is to find their own
accommodation, that all is the safest, but then you better have
taught them how to manage from beforehand. So if you do that,
it's just the safest opportunity. It's the safest because there's
just none of that.
The mother in law daughter in law problems that take place. In some
cultures like the Malaysian culture in the in the Tamil Sri
Lankan culture. What's really interesting is that the husband
goes to live with his wife at her parents house. And I think that
sounds really cool. It sounded a bit weird to me first, but it
sounds really cool because she is now dealing with her mother and
her mother is now teaching her while she's married. So there's
not going to be any mother in law problems in that case, all right,
but I don't think that's going to be acceptable in many scenarios.
But there's another aspect to this which I couldn't mention which is
that if you do have if you do stay with them, there's always going to
be other brothers and sisters. In many cases, that creates an
additional because the the sister in the house she thinks she's the
boss.
And she can boss, her sister in law, the newcomer. And it's not
just the mother problem, it's a sister in law and sister in laws
can be really, really bad as well. Right? So there's, that's why it's
best to just let them be on their own have their own long honeymoon
in their own house.
If it came down to some essential qualities that should be embedded
in every child from the parents, what would they be? I think it
just being a human being and insan Taqwa of Allah subhanaw taala
reliance on Allah subhanaw taala responsibility, because they're
going to be a parent also, responsibility is really
important, being able to do things for themselves and not being just
clueless, because you've just indulged them too much. And and
then having trust and love, right and caring for those who come
later, in their own families.
Any advice for being mindful where our kids friends are majority non
Muslims, young secondary age school children? Again, that just
depends. I've seen a case, probably more seldom, I've seen a
case where
it was actually better for that person to have non Muslim friends
then have Muslim friends. How Why do I say that? Because all the
Muslims there were not really sad. All the Muslim girls there in that
school, they were all into boys and everything. And a few non
Muslim friends they had came from some really orthodox homes, they
were really focused on education, they were really focused on
on education, so they weren't playing around. So it really just
depends. It really depends. So I'm not going to write off all non
Muslims, right? Because it just depends. But in most cases,
obviously, if you do have Muslim friends, you're better off because
you share so many more common ideas about life and about faith
and so on and so forth. You feel just sometimes more comfortable
because you share so much. So that's obviously going to be the
default and the normal situation. Right. But there could be some
exceptional circumstances to this. The problem now that I've been
told by people, by young men and women who have just gone to
university is that there is no good friends in university.
Sorry, in high school, go beyond primary school. There are no in
secondary school, there are no good friends. I mean, of course,
they will probably a bit of an exaggeration. But what they're
saying is that because at the age, they just start wanting to be with
the opposite gender, they want to start watching *, they want to
start getting into all of these other firearms and things like
that. It's just very difficult. So to try to find the best friends,
and the only way you'll be able to do that is to teach our children
from a young age to incline towards such people.
It's a tough job Allah help and Allah protect.
At what age should one give their child a mobile phone? How would a
parent know that they are trustworthy enough? That's a
difficult one. I mean, I know.
I think maybe it depends, it depends.
1516 Maybe.
And that's if they need it. But sometimes if all of their friends
have one, and they don't have one, they're going to feel really left
out. So you're gonna have to manage that as well.
Right? There's just a follow on with the sub is also important. I
want to encourage to have a balance as we find that by saying
girls career secondary creates a social problem in the case of
especially in areas and fields where we need female. No, I think
there's just so many women's spending so many women in careers
that I don't think what I'm going to say is going to upset that
balance. Because the tradition today is that they all should go
in. So I'm trying to make it very clear it is secondary because it
is secondary it for no woman is it primary over her family to go and
go and do something. No, it's not. We've got enough women who the
best for this is we've got women who've already mashallah brought
up their kids, their, their children and our teenagers,
they've got enough time to do this kind of thing. We don't want 2022
year olds trying to do this kind of job. Their focus is something
else right now. Right? But yes, our 40 year old women 4045 They
can take care of all of this stuff, they're mature now, they've
got a lot more, you know, they've got a lot more stability, their
children are mashallah sorted. That's who should be doing this
responsibility. So I don't think that it's important to to
encourage that they should be focused on their careers.
Okay, yes, we do need some medical doctors and things like that among
women, we definitely need that. But they need to, they need to
realize how they can balance the two. So yeah, maybe that
conversation needs to happen for those kinds of maybe I'm thinking
about it from a slightly different perspective.
Okay.
Next question says what do you do in the situation when the child
now believes they are adults and should be left to make their own
decisions and clearly say to back off now, with regards to Dini
values, what they are doing is fine and when it clearly isn't to
the parents. Well, look at that. There's two aspects of this now as
I
Why are they saying this now? Is it because of bad nurture? Right?
So now all you can really do in that kind of a case is that you're
going to have to try your best to try to bring them back and to
think about religion, because that's a religious issue now,
right, you have to do your best to make them concerned about
religion, you need a lot of dua to Allah, and you need to maybe
change the way you speak about religion. At the end of the day,
though, that if it's going to be a make or break situation, you're
just gonna have to let them go and learn on their own, there's not
much you can do, because it's just going to create a bigger wall,
then that means any kind of input you might have in the future is
not going to be useful, and if an effective at all. So sometimes you
may have to let them go. Right, and just let them fend for
themselves if, especially if they still in the house, and they're
going to curl up there I've seen where if you carry on with this
situation, it corrupts the others.
Right, it corrupts the other siblings in the house as well.
I know I'm giving you you know, I do want to say that I'm giving you
kind of just
quick answers, because of the shortness of the time. And you
know, if I'm wrong in any of this, Allah forgive me. But as I said,
there's not one way in all of this, I can just try to provide a
bit of guidance
regarding raising our girls with appropriate education living in
the Western world, would you recommend at a certain age our
girls go into homeschooling, and at the same time studying to be a
basic Alinea type program whilst studying the schooling curriculum
at home?
There's so many things in that question. There's one is
homeschooling. One is learning tarbiyah. So I think homeschooling
I'm not going to discuss homeschooling, right? Because I
don't know if that's the main thrust of this question. But the
main thing is that I think it's a great idea. And I think we need
more, not only Marcoses Earlimart course, I think is only for a few
women. It's only for those who really want to do some work in
that not every woman to be a good Muslim. They don't have to do
Earlimart course. And the problem we have in our masjid, and
Institute's that are providing this is they don't provide
anything less than an animal course. It's like, everybody must
become an Alima to learn their Deen. And that's not right. Alima
is a scholar, if one wants to become a scholar, she's got an
aptitude for it. Bismillah. But you need these two year, three
year courses that are just there to teach them. So but isn't that
covered in mucked up? Somebody's gonna say in mock them, you
covered children level stuff, right? This is more adult related
stuff. So when they've now become mature, they're teenagers. So we
need to teach them at that level. So these standards, and I'm sure
Mizpah Academy has one, right.
And many other places have this, we need a lot more of those
courses that all girls and guys over the age of 1516 should take
that kind, of course, because they should continue their Islamic
education. Right. They don't have to study Arabic, and the deeper
books of fic and jurisprudence and everything. But they need to at
least have an adult based understanding of religion as well.
It's really, really, really helpful.
Okay.
My son recently got married and living with us, and I try my best
not to interfere and ignore. But I've noticed that sometimes my son
is being addressed rudely, when small chores are given, she will
wait to my son to do the chore, or we'll call him to do it in front
of us. Now I've taught my son's well, by doing chores in the home,
but this doesn't seem too good. But only Allah knows best as he
goes to work six hours a day and does his share in this case?
Should I be saying anything? Or talk to her mother in regards to
this? She's from a very pious home?
I don't understand the question who's saying what to whom? So I
believe this is the mother in law.
Wanting to address the daughter in law,
about a lack of care in terms of keeping up with chores?
I don't know how to answer that question. Because is the mother
in, I just got a call from a daughter in law who's from
somebody who says that their daughter, the daughter in law, is
not allowed to even sit for a moment.
She just has to be constantly on her feet doing her job. So I don't
know that's a very difficult one that needs a longer answer. And I
think I've dealt with that in many of my lectures online. Right? It
depends. Are you being overly oppressive? Or what the case is
that you want your daughter in law to do everything and your son to
do nothing just because you work six hours a day? Right? It just
depends what that dynamic is. I think if you want I mean, you can
call me or another scholar to actually detail it properly and we
can have that discussion. Some of these are very, very detailed
issues that it's very difficult to give a general answer.
Do you have any two hours worth if as soon as we
can pray for Hidayat and help with current guidance of our children.
Yeah, verse I think it's 74 of Surah
Furqan verse 74, Robina habla Nam as well as you know whether we are
Tina Kurata Yun, which Allah remote Akina Imam. Right, I would
definitely read that. It's mentioned in my marriage book as
well. Right? Verse 74, sortal, for can't keep reading that and just
asking Allah, just asking Allah.
How can you deal with intercultural marriage up to now
child has been very respectful and responsible.
What's the issue with the integrals? I mean, like, what
station? I think they're suggesting this mean, some sort of
Clash of culture, perhaps just retype the question with a bit
more detail, like, what's the issue with intercultural marriage?
So I'll give you my thoughts anyway, I think people are the
best situation is to actually get married within your own culture,
it's just easier. Because when you get married, you're learning about
the other person and the individual traits and everything,
if you're gonna throw in the other confusions about culture as well,
because culture is something you have to learn, right? When
Bangladeshi culture is very different from Gujrati culture.
Certain Punjabi culture is very different from Baton culture,
right. So if you have to even learn 10 aspects of that culture
along with the 20 aspects of the person, you're adding a lot of
things that you have to learn, right, so it adds complication.
However, I think in about 4050 years, you won't have to worry
about that anymore, because we would have eventually become a
very homogenous culture eventually. But right now, people
have just come 20 3040 years
2030 years ago, from the different places and the cultures are still
quite strong. But if you can, if you're willing to learn, and
you're willing to entertain another culture in your families
as well, Hamdulillah, that's great. But just remember, there's
going to be more complications in dealing with a different culture,
even for the extended families, because they have to try to take
part, right in the other person's cultural aspects, because marriage
is never between two individuals is between two families and maybe
even two cultures. So if you're going to add the culture element
being different, there is going to get even more complicated. But if
you want to do that, hamdulillah that's great.
So I think this might be a woman who's now entered into the in laws
house, and she's saying, how do you keep things fair within laws,
when the elder brother and his wife cause issues,
you can just ask Allah for help. It just depends on how spiteful
that brother and sister and how much how much
strength they have and what position they already have in the
house. All right, you're going to have to just do your best.
Otherwise, you're going to have to move out, the only way to save
certain marriages like that is to move out. So if the older brother
in law is not going to move out, then you do, you're going to do
your best to try to reconcile, try to maybe be of extra service or
whatever to try to bring the piece. But if they're just bad,
because sometimes that's where there's you can do anything and
they won't change. If you look at it very negatively, then the only
way out of this is to be separate. Right? But you do your best and
you try to reach out, maybe have a conversation, right there. Look,
what is the issue, we if there's an issue, you know, we will try to
sort it out.
Just on that note, what would be any obligations of a woman to her
parents in law?
Well, the thing is that if you are going to be in that situation,
you're gonna have to be expected to work. So don't agree to be
living with the in laws, if you don't want to do anything, right.
But much of it, there's a lot of wonderful women out there who
don't mind helping, they don't mind being there. It's nice to
have your mother in law around, especially when you have children,
if they're nice mother in law, because you can leave your
children then you can go out and do other things and follow and you
know, pursue something. And but the responsibility wise, is that
there's two things number one, from a purely technical
perspective, that in a Muslim country, somebody could they take
you to court for or not, then you have no obligation towards them at
all. You only got obligation towards your husband. But socially
speaking, your obligation is whatever that family and your
family kind of is used to. Right? That's the thing you're going to
have to decide whether you and we can tell the mother in law's as
much as we can that you look, you know, you need to treat them
fairly and everything.
But you're going to if you're if you're going to live with a
family, even if you forget the whole mother in law says that if
you live in a shared accommodation with somebody else, you're going
to have to take part in what other people have as well because you're
all eating together. You're living together.
So that's going to have to be a discussion.
So when you say it's not necessarily about obligations,
rather some sort of communication compatibility
Absolutely, if you don't want to be in a situation, don't just
don't get into it. Once you what if kids start some drugs just to
fit in with the kids at school or other to open extended family,
kids, I'm talking about 15 years and above, you need to you need to
take some really serious measures, you need to sit and talk to them,
maybe get somebody else to talk to them as well. And have a
conversation with them about the harms of this, people will be
destroyed by this kind of thing. You cannot take this lightly.
Alright, you have to speak to them, you have to try to cut them
off from their friends, go go go for a holiday somewhere. If you
have to. I don't know you're going to have to take some really
serious because once that kicks in, then it's very, very difficult
to get rid of afterwards. So try to get it as early as possible by
trying to explain to them this is harmful, show them druggies,
right. Give them examples of that Shawn documentaries about this, or
whatever the case is. Try to make them understand this is not and
then change their set of friends.
Hola. Hola. Hello. Yeah, I really apologize that we couldn't answer
all of these other hundreds of this. I don't know. 3040 questions
we've got. Unfortunately, we just don't have the time. I mean, I
think next time I think we'll just start earlier, or sorry, next
time, we'll just give a smaller discussion. Right. And
take more questions in Sharla. Maybe in the future sometime. I'd
like I'd actually like to take more questions.
Okay, just talk a little bit. I'll send it over to you guys. Please
pray I pray that Allah subhanaw taala
assist all of us in this regard. It is tough. It is tough and you
we can't sleep. We can't We can't sleep. Right? We can't be sleeping
in this case. Jazak Allah here for listening. May Allah subhanaw
taala bless you. And if you're finding this useful, you know
as they say to that like button and subscribe button and forwarded
on to others, just like aloha and as Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi
Wabarakatuh