Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – How to Not Get Bored at Home for Women
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
They say that a child who has a righteous learned mother has been
given about 20 years headstart in life in terms of religious life
and connection to Allah than somebody who does not have a
mother who is religiously inclined and religiously educated. Can you
imagine it, children brought up in two different households, one only
when they become about 1819 20 that they will discover Islam for
themselves and then start learning but then the child that had the
mother and then she sent him to mock them and reinforced the
mothers are trading at home because a lot of it that they
actually learned from home compared to mothers are really,
you know, I think mothers is very powerful. But I think what the
parents can teach especially the mother is a lot more intensive and
critical than even what the market can can provide a doctor provides
certain you know, formal training is in terms of reading the Quran,
etc. But in terms of the o'clock and character perspective,
Outlook, compassion, just dealing with just having a line your life,
I think Subhanallah that's just reinforced by the mother more I
think even the the father sometimes because the mother just
has a much more intimate, you know, connection with the
children.
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayidina
Muhammad. While early he was sabe he will Dalek it was seldom at the
Sleeman cathedral, Isla Yomi Deen Amma bird call Allah with Avada
Terada fill Quran in Nigeria, will Farrakhan al Hamid one Tamil,
Arizona In Kuntum, mumineen. A lot of women, generally, if we compare
the situation and the circumstance of women today, to what it used to
be just about 50 years ago, and especially since I would say that
many of the women here are probably not converts, they're
not. They're probably from very traditional backgrounds, Indian,
Pakistani, Bangladeshi, maybe Moroccan, Somali, Avani, you know,
the different backgrounds. And these are all very traditional
backgrounds, about 50 to, you know, 50 years ago and beyond.
I don't think women used to ever get bored. Whereas today, that's a
big issue that women get bored at home. And the reason for that is
that, you know, we've I think Muslims have been in this country
for about 60 years, now we're coming to about 60 years or so.
And there's a certain maturity level that has been reached.
However,
for many of us, when us or our, for our parents or forefathers,
were in places like India, or Pakistan, or Bangladesh, or Egypt,
or wherever people came from,
there was a much more traditional way, I mean, people had probably
lived in the same place for hundreds of years, which basically
meant that you had an extended family and around you. So you had
your house and you had your uncle's house next door, or, and
another uncle another way, and another auntie, just below that,
and just maybe a few houses away, and Subhanallah, you know, there
was a lot of people there. And the women, even though there was no
career for women, in those days, the men used to do their either
business, or they would go to the fields, or they would have
whatever, you know, means of earning money, the women hardly
ever had to, you know, go and earn a living for themselves most of
the time in you know, you always have that issue, you know, that
they'll be tailoring or doing something else, or cooking or
servings in somebody else's house or whatever, or helping out in the
field. But it was a lot to do. Because there was a massive social
life, your whole extended family was around you, you never got
bored, you know, there was only so many people around there was it
was hardly ever that, you know, you could spend a day without
seeing anybody because if you don't and and because these are
mainly more tropical climates and hotter countries,
the lifestyle is a lot based on the outside. So you know, you have
big yards outside, I mean, in Morocco, they have actually in the
central of the home in the results that they have, and so on. So
there's this whole massive, you know, design element to it, you
know, for centuries, where the women had all of these things,
mashallah so they never got bored. And, you know, they had their
children and they would get together and make certain foods,
you know, if it was certain condiments that they had to make,
or if it was some wood, you got some pickles that they have to
make the call three or four of the women together, they'll do that
they'll make the poppadoms you know, the popper or whatever you
call it, they will get together and mix the Musa as you know,
there was just always something to do and of course, in that there
were problems as well and probably a lot of gossip. A lot of Punjab
was probably going on around that time anyway. Right. And a lot of
that stuff I'm just trying to explain now come to England, or in
any of these western countries and this is the issue throughout you
go to Denmark, the Muslim community the Muslim
In Norway, the Muslim community in Sweden, the Muslim community, and
in France, in America, in Canada, the big complaint, especially that
women would have, because for men, they, they their job is generally
outside, you know, they're going to work outside anyway. However,
for women, it's always a challenge, because people are
living in apartments, they're living in houses, that generally a
lot of people are not living next to their relatives. So to get to
your relatives house, it's maybe a few, that, you know, it may be on
the same street if you're lucky. Otherwise, it's a few streets
away, or it's entirely in another area. So you sometimes you know,
you might have a neighbor that you can get along with, but it's not
the same as family. It's not the same. I mean, people in family,
they might bicker and, and fight and everything, but at the end of
the day, they blood relatives today together anyway. So this is
a massive challenge. And we have to understand this situation. And
I don't want to make this a problem is not a problem for you.
Because mashallah some people are dealing with this. And that's
exactly what I'm going to speak about today is how do you not
become bored? How do you keep yourself productive? How do you
not fall into a stress situation? Or even depression? Right? How do
you? How is it that there's a lot of complaints, generally, the
complaints I get from women's that my husband is never there, right.
And when you actually go into the husband is there but I guess
they're not always there, because they're not there for several,
maybe 10 hours of the day. And then they have to keep going for
Salado, they have to go out. And then you know, there's some
husbands that obviously abused this situation. And they stay out
with their friends, for long periods, even after they get
married, and so on. So, there is obviously this complaint
constantly, you know, where women feel that their husbands don't
give them enough time. Sometimes what I've actually noticed after
discussing with both the couples is that, actually, it's not that
the husband doesn't give enough time. I mean, in some cases, that
is the case that he doesn't give enough time. In other cases, it's
just that the wife has nothing else to do her whole
life structure a whole day has to revolve around the husband. So as
soon as he's in than she wants him to be there, and sometimes not
even allowing him to go for prayer or anything else, for that matter,
because she's feel feels overwhelmed. Now, how do we deal
with that situation? Right? How do we deal with that situation?
So that's why you see a lot of women today, and it's not
something I'm necessarily encouraging, right. But that's why
you see a lot of women who go out to work nowadays, they have a job,
because otherwise, what are they going to do sitting at home, so
that's why they feel that they need to get a job. So that's why
they go and study, then they keep themselves busy for, you know,
doing something or the other, and then they want to have a job. And
then after that, you know, sometimes I guess that does lead
to big problems where they get too career oriented, and then does
neglect having children at all for a very long time. I mean, you
know, you've got couples who are actually doing very well in terms
of business or work or career, but they have no children, they're 35
and 40 years old. And that's not really the design from Allah
SubhanAllah. That's not what he's intending, you know, for the cycle
of humanity. Right? There is, you know, the next jet bringing up the
next generation is a massive task, very important task, it's a
significant task, I still don't understand why people would have
children, and then actually have others look after them while they
go and serve somebody else. Like I really don't understand that I can
understand if it was absolutely necessary, you know, for the
survival of the family of some, you know, the on the basic level,
but otherwise, I don't understand why, you know, you'd go and serve
at somebody else's company. So you know, go and serve somebody else.
So that, but in that time, you have your child has to be served
by another and then you have to pay them, right. I just don't get
that. I'm not against women working, you know, where we are,
that is the case and sometimes actually good for them to work.
But again, you know, there are some guidelines in that regard.
And so today, what I want to discuss is that we're supposed to
be muslims are supposed to be strong at every level. A strong
believer is better than a weaker believer. That's exactly what the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,
Allah subhanho wa Taala says that if you will remain elevated what
Anton will Atlona in contempt meaning before that, Allah says,
well, atta he knew what it does no.
Right. When other he knew Allah has no absolute Belgian Atilla de
condom to our Don't, don't become weak. Don't become scared. Don't
become grieved.
Don't become enfeebled. Help yourself basically. Well, that has
been what up Shiro and except the glad tidings of the Jannah that
you have been given.
A promise for
the hadith is a Hadith
Is that Imam Muslim has transmitted to in a very, very
interesting Hadith and it tells us it's really relevant to this
situation Abu Huraira the Allah Juan reports Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam said,
let me know, I'll carry you higher on what happened in Allah him in a
minute derive a strong believer, man or woman, right? Male or
female is better superior and more beloved to Allah than a weak
believer.
Well, he couldn't hire but because they're believers, there's good in
all of them, right? So you can't say a weak believer is bad. It's
just that the one more beloved to Allah subhanaw taala. And that is
superior, who is superior is the one who is stronger. Now that's
what the person who he said is stronger. Now strong, and strength
comes in many, many different ideas that's physically strong. So
they're healthy.
They are physically healthy, they're psychologically healthy,
mentally healthy, and spiritually healthy. And in many other ways.
And this is where we have major issues.
Many of our women and men of course, but especially our women,
because they don't get the exercise, they don't get to move
around as much because of the way our situation is.
Sometimes they don't get decent exercise. So many end up with a
number of health issues.
Right? It doesn't have to be across the board. But that is
something that a lot of people are worried about. That's why the DA
is oh Allah don't make me become dependent on anybody gives you a
montage and Obernai Hakuna Matata, you know, don't make me in need of
anybody, especially in my old age, that's like the dawn, every older
man and woman, especially women's, you know, lips that this is their
dua that they will that they do pretty much all day. And may Allah
subhanaw taala accept it.
So physically, mentally, and there's a lot of psychological
problems, there's a lot of mental health issues in our communities.
Because number one, a lot of times we don't even consider it a
problem. We don't even know if there's that there is help that is
available.
And that is something that we need to really I mean, especially when
it comes to women in miserable marriages, or divorces, many, many
divorces really go off the rails, in terms of really not
understanding that there's a spite is a problem that creeps in, in
terms of the behavior in terms of, you know, they have this malice
that comes in, that everybody's against them, or, you know, that
all men are bad or, and I mean, this happened, I mean, I'm
speaking to women, that's why I'm focusing on them, otherwise, it
happens, it could happen to men as well. But generally women because
they don't have much of an activity outside. That's why a lot
of this can happen as that this was never a problem before. You
know, you never heard of women who are depressed in the time of the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, you know,
but it's just I don't think we've adapted and been able to fully
Alhamdulillah things are happening physically, exercise hamdulillah
we're very blessed, that there are many, many, many projects locally
around London and in other towns of England, you know, mashallah,
specifically for women's activities, you know, all the way
from, you know, exercise to
you know, different types of exercise to swimming and all the
rest of it, you know, in a martial a very modest in a, in an
environment that preserves the modesty, which is very, very
important.
hamdulillah people are considering that, and then there's
spiritually,
men and women need to be stronger. And for spiritually, for that you
need to be connected to Allah subhanaw taala. Because if you're
not connected, and if you don't have a thicker regimen,
as a man or woman, than shaytaan, will lead you, as Allah says,
Woman. Yeah, sure, and Vickery Rahmani, naka de la who shaytaan
and for whoever who claim, whoever stays away and abandons the
remembrance of Allah, then we will designate a shaytaan admin
shaytans always with us, we will have a shaytaan from birth. But
that shaytaan becomes a Kareem becomes the intimate accomplice.
And once shaytaan takes then what shaytaan does is a number. It
doesn't make us feel good about prayer. And any other thing about
covering about modesty, about goodness, about virtue about doing
worship and devotion. And then it goes beyond that. It's not just
about religion, it goes into mental health. So you will have
start, start having doubts about things. Doubts, you will actually
start feeling you will have start having suspicions. It will
eventually lead to a paranoia about people close to you, that
they hate you. They're thinking about somebody else about your
husband's that he's involved.
with somebody else, whereas he's not, you know that he's looking at
somebody else he's interested in somebody else he's engaged with
somebody else he is.
It goes really crazy to paranoia. Women have sleepless nights,
trying to find the time of the husband's fast asleep, so that
they can get into his phone and check it out and do some mining
for misery in there. So there's some major issues when it comes to
spiritual health, spiritual health Subhanallah you know, the car that
we've been given the vehicle regimens that we have simply just
stuck for 100 times morning and evening Salawat dilution 500
times, morning and evening. A bit of Quran reading, especially if
you can read it with meaning.
And number four, if you can meditate 510 minutes a day, you
will be just internally strong and much more connected to Allah and
that that is your powerhouse. And that will help you to basically
deal with various issues, your suspicion rate will have a shake
on won't have that effect on you as much because anybody who method
will have the youth Kurata will live the lie of court can method
and how you will make it promises and said the one who remembers
Allah and the one who doesn't, they example is like the living
person and the dead person. When you don't do thicker, your heart
is dead.
So your body is active, your mouth is active, your eyes active,
everything's active,
but your heart is dead. Which means that you have no comfort and
solace and you look for comfort then in the wrong things.
You don't enjoy doing anything else. So can you see how
spiritually mentally, physically, we have issues meaning a lot of
women have issues that's why you know, do some exercise, you can do
exercise in your own homes, running on the spot skipping,
doing a basic weights aerobic training, right within your own
heart if you need a you know, you can you can you can get you know,
you can get an exercise machine and get a treadmill or whatever,
walking around your garden if you've got a decent size property,
right? Walking, maybe taking your children to school, walking, if it
can be done rather than driving in the car everywhere. Right?
incorporating more of that into your lifestyle.
You see women if you don't have to earn and you know you're not
you're not going to work because mashallah your husband's
your husband's income is sufficient hamdulillah then what
do you do? There's a lot of other stuff you can do. And mashallah,
we're very, very, very fortunate compared to so many other
countries and areas in the world. There are so many opportunities
for women to study. You know, mashallah, I'm sure Misbah has
programs for women. Y thread has a program for women, there's a
number of online programs you can get yourself into, there's just so
much opportunity nowadays, Mashallah. So that's how you can
spend some hours of your day doing something productive, getting
closer to Allah learning more about your faith, so that you can
become just better individuals. And then as women, women tend to
be the mothers of the OMA because women are the mothers of the next
generation. And the more educated woman, you know, especially with
regards to the dean is going to be able to pass that they say that a
child who has a righteous, learned mother, has been given about 20
years head start in life, in terms of religious life and connection
to Allah than somebody who does not have a mother, who is
religiously inclined, and religiously educated. Can you
imagine it children brought up in two different households, one,
only when they become about 1819 20, that they will discover
Islam for themselves and then start learning but then
the child had had the mother and then she sent him to Makhdum and
reinforced the mothers are training at home because a lot of
it that they actually learned from home compared to mothers are
really, you know, I think mothers is very powerful. But I think what
the parents can teach especially the mother is a lot more intensive
and critical than even what the McRib can can provide not that
provides certain, you know, formal training as in terms of reading
the Quran, etc. But in terms of the o'clock and character,
perspective, Outlook,
compassion, just dealing with just having a line your life, I think
Subhanallah that's just reinforced by the mother more I think even
the the father sometimes because the mother just has a much more
intimate, you know, connection with the children. So a child
brought up by a righteous learn
That mother is going to be given I would say at least 15 to 20 years
of a headstart and that is invaluable. Subhanallah that is
absolutely invaluable. Right? May Allah bless our mothers. So what
do you do them so you spend some time in education.
If you want, you can do a home based business. If you need extra
income or you just want to follow the Sunnah of business, please go
ahead and do it. I encourage that and mashallah the modern world
with online trading, you know, online selling and pretty much
everything you can do online, right?
You can run a home based business, mashallah you don't have to
basically meet anybody, you know, it's all done at home and you can
make yourself
a healthy, you know, side business and do a lot of sadaqa from the
help others, spend it on yourself, and so on.
So that's another thing that you can do, along with learning
something and you can learn something forever and mashallah,
we've seen that with women when we started the two year Sharia
course, for women in Stamford Hill, for example, in I think
2009, the first group of sisters that we had, they stayed with us
for seven years, it was only supposed to be a two year course.
But once they got into this didn't want to leave. So every year, we
just had to keep updating and giving them new books to study
because that environment is irreplaceable. Subhanallah
otherwise, what are what are people going to do? They're going
to spend time.
If you don't have anything to do what you're going to do, you're
going to waste time, you're going to want to speak to somebody, so
you're going to be on the phone all day, on WhatsApp or on you
know, zoom with meetings with people, you're just going to be
going on about stuff, right? Talking about other people because
eventually when you talk about you know, how much can you talk about
something serious? You know, most people can't. Otherwise what
you're going to be doing is you're going to be watching Netflix,
you're going to be binging Subhanallah Subhanallah the amount
of you know,
women that contact us to say that and some of these you know, some
of these women were mashallah very on the spot before it said that
Oh, but you know, in the last one year, I've really messed up. I'm
just binging on Pakistani dramas, Bengali dramas, you know,
Bangladeshi dramas, Indian movies, dramas, this is a big thing. Now,
dramas a big thing, you know, both Netflix, YouTube.
And in order to do and Bangladeshi and Arab dramas and all the rest
of it to such a degree that saying that before it's regular on our
prayer, but now, we've even missed prayers, because you just had to
watch the next one. Because they, there's always a cliffhanger at
the end. It's always a cliffhanger. And then if
I mean,
Turkish dramas, you know, all of this, this is what people are
going to do at the end of the day,
you're going to end up doing a lot of wasting of time, you're going
to do a lot of work, you can't sleep. So that's what you will do.
Otherwise, you will do sure you got a lot of money, we'll just do
shopping, online, browsing Town Center, and so on and so forth.
Another thing that's going to happen to you if you don't get
yourself active in work,
education, and the third thing is volunteering, mashallah, mashallah
we have amazing capability in our women.
So by Allah, like, you'd be amazed, amazing capability and
women, like they can they can contribute to so much, but they
don't know how to contribute. Because, you know, there's nothing
to do at home.
Go and ask the local masjid, the local organization, religious
organization, you know, the local Academy, local Institute, is there
something that we can do?
Right? Is there something that we can do? For example, you know, we
had one of our earlier students, then she had children, so she was
busy, but now maybe she's at a point, she's like, I want to
volunteer, I've got time. Let me know what we can do. Like, what
can I do?
And then if it's for a religious purpose, you get rewarded for it.
I mean, if it's for a public welfare project, I mean, even if
that means like, just basically planting trees somewhere, you
know, volunteering to plant tree somewhere.
Volunteering to clean up something, volunteering to help
the elderly volunteering to cook something for a homeless project,
or whatever it may be, you know, within remaining within your
modesty parameters. There's a lot to do. Otherwise, you'll just end
up doing and then there's another thing, okay, and I don't want to
take too much too long on this because we've gotten a number of
questions. Now the thing that you have to remember is that if you
don't have anything else, you're going to be burden on the people
closest to you because you're going to require for them to give
you you're in your entertainment, or you're going to be obsessed
with just
being with them, right? What's going to happen then, when your
children, you know, leave when your children are away. A lot of
women, they don't know what to do, they, they, they feel really bad
they go into a
lot of depression, because they don't know what to do once all
their focus on their children is gone and the children have moved
out their husbands aren't there because they're at work or
whatever.
Make yourself productive, make yourself useful. And the way to do
that, as I said, is ask ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada furtopia Allah Ya
Allah accept me for the service of your team. Yeah, Allah, I don't
know how I can help. I'm just, you know, a normal person, a normal
housewife, whatever, you know, speak to Allah. Allah, you know
everything. Our life, you're the one who accepts people. You're the
one who guides people have Allah guide me.
Illuminate my path. Accept me for some service of God make me a
useful productive person, allow me to leave a legacy get get brave.
You want to leave a legacy?
You know, we hear about, I mean, not as much as men, because
generally men do a lot of the outer work. But otherwise there
are women who have left their mark.
Whether that be through a book, they've written, a madrasa they've
established, like the Korean university, the oldest university
in the world, Muslim non Muslim world in Fez. It was
It was established by a woman Fatima alpha here, you've got the
zuleikha canal, the wife of Harun Rashid, she did a number of
projects and mashallah, her name's still there from you know, one of
the Abbasids
Subhanallah you might say, I don't have that much money. Well, that's
fine. You know, Allah will accept small, small things. Nobody may
know your name. And that's not the purpose you do it for.
Nobody may know your name, but you do it for the sake of Allah.
In my marriage book, I had to mention the name of somebody,
because I benefited hugely from from what what they did. So I
mentioned their name, and she was very, very upset with me, why did
you mention my name?
Why did you mention my name? So in the subsequent editions, I had to
take a name out.
And she has done a lot for Muslim women across the world. Right? But
I had to take an email because that's not what she wanted. She
wanted, she wants to do it for Allah.
Not that having your name means that it's not for Allah. That
doesn't mean that but I'm just saying that we got a lot of good
women of you. There's women sitting here today, mashallah and
listening, who have amazing capabilities, some know it and
some don't know it. And ask Allah for assistance. ask Allah to guide
and you will see that let me just finish that hadith of the Prophet
Allah Some said that the stronger believer is better and more
beloved to Allah subhanho wa Taala than the weaker believer by each
of them is goodness anyway, and then the Prophet saw some said it
is Allah Mayan folk go and avidly seek out what is to your benefit.
So for your health benefit, for your mental benefit, your mental
health benefit, educational benefit, spiritual benefit, go and
seek out Aris either Ma Yun Farooq, go and seek out what is to
your benefit was there in Billa
and seek assistance in Allah subhanaw taala. ask Allah for your
help, while carriages don't just be enfeebled, and sit back and
just feel sorry for yourself, because you're only going to harm
yourself. You're only going to harm yourself. Don't be enfeebled.
Don't be incapacitated. And then very good advice. The Prophet saw
some said when I saw the cache on fella taco now if if something bad
does happen to you, if you have a shortcoming, if something afflicts
you don't start saying low and knee fall too low and we filed
Kanika what had I done it this way? Or had I done that, then this
and this wouldn't happen? You can definitely say that to learn from
it to learn from your mistakes, but you can't do that to go on
about it. Somehow I've had cases of a sister called once and she
said that, you know, she had an in you know, I think it even got to a
stage of engagement that they were gonna get married. And then after
the guy pulled it off, and now it's been several months and she's
still beating herself up as to why did it go wrong? Like come on,
man. There's a lot of other fish in the sea. Just move on. Like
what's your issue? The guy's gone Forget it. Oh, but if I had done
it this way, then maybe there's an FYI then whatever it is, just say
it's from Allah and carry on. And you're in sha Allah second time,
it'd be better. Well, I can call instead the Hadith says the person
said cut their Allah. That is what Allah destined. That is what Allah
subhanaw taala do
creed, or Ma sha Allah, and he does whatever he wishes anyway, so
I tried my best didn't happen. Let me try again next time. And then
of course, I'm set for in the load of the hammer shaytaan.
We keep saying, If only if I did this, if the if the if this, it
just will then eventually open the door of shaytaan. And then you
will become shaytaan wants you to become despondent. Shaitaan wants
you to be miserable.
Because when a person is miserable, they don't feel like
doing something good. They start blaming Allah, that's what the
shader will do is stop blaming, start making you blame Allah, you
start blaming everybody else, except yourself. Or you'll blame
yourself so much that you feel you can't do anything. All of these
are problems. So go get some help clarify your mind. Get a good set
of friends rather than a bad set of friends, cut out all the
dramas, and all of that time waste, and focus on getting
productive and leaving something for yourself, for your children,
for the Muslim world for the world and humanity in general, and for
your akhira May Allah subhanaw taala make that easy for us. May
Allah allow this to be a starting point, a thinking point for many,
many great things and take us out of this depression that many are
feeling today. Well, I can read that well, not until hamdu Lillahi
Rabbil Alameen. The point of a lecture is to encourage people to
act to get further an inspiration and encouragement, persuasion. The
next step is to actually start learning seriously to read books
to take on a subject of Islam and to understand all the subjects of
Islam at least at the basic level, so that we can become more aware
of what our deen wants from us. And that's why we started Rayyan
courses so that you can actually take organize lectures on demand
whenever you have free time, especially for example, the
Islamic essentials course that we have on the Islamic essentials
certificate which you take 20 Short modules and at the end of
that inshallah you will have gotten the basics of most of the
most important topics in Islam and you'll feel a lot more confident.
You don't have to leave lectures behind you can continue to be, you
know, to listen to lectures, but you need to have this more
sustained study as well as local law here and Salam aleikum wa
rahmatullah wa barakato.